Another year is approaching and you’re still single. To add insult to injury, all your friends are posting engagement photos or gender reveal photos!

The journey of waiting for a godly spouse can be one of the most challenging and refining seasons of life. Drawing from personal experience and biblical wisdom, here are seven essential steps you can take to not only be patient while you wait on God, but to fully embrace and thrive in your singleness.

I thought that the ONLY reason that I was remaining single was because I was waiting on God. Slowly, I became aware of my own need to grapple with the truth about myself and the choices that I had made over the years. Just in case you might be in the same boat as I was, it is helpful to consider a few reasons you might still be single … other than it is God’s will.

• God is waiting for you to change key mindsets. This might involve becoming less rigid in your criteria for a spouse (e.g., only looking at men in full-time ministry like me!); being too hard to please or inflexible; continually being drawn to men who are “bad for you” while ignoring the good men already in your life; or being so fiercely independent that possible suitors get the impression that you don’t need a man in your life.
• A specific person is not ready. While not the norm, it’s possible that God has a specific person in mind, and neither you nor he is yet prepared for the commitment of marriage.
• The enemy is creating hindrances. The enemy does not want good, kingdom-building marriages between growing Christians and may be putting up spiritual obstacles that require intentional prayer.

While you may be waiting on God, God might, in fact, be waiting on you!

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1) Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).

Remember the most important marriage is the one you already have or are headed toward, that is to say, being a part of the Bride of Christ with Jesus as your Bridegroom. This eternal perspective is key to maintaining your sanity and joy. If you don’t marry on Earth, it is not the end of the world! You can still fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

2) Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.

Be brutally honest with yourself about the qualities you desire in a husband. Go through your list prayerfully and with a fine-tooth comb, determining if these items are truly essential or if they are based on vanity, cultural expectations, or unrealistic fantasies. Consider asking a biblically grounded, married Christian couple (married at least five years) to look at your list and help you discern the negotiables from the non-negotiables. While you wait on God, reconsider your “husband list”.

3) Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness

If you are constantly sad about being single, marriage may have become an idol in your life. This is not a healthy place to be. You need to dethrone the idol of marriage and replace it with Christ, the only one worthy of being the Lord of your life. Ask God to help you find contentment and joy in your current season. A joyful single woman who is open to marriage is far more attractive than a desperate one.

4) Make It a Matter of Prayer.

Praying regularly and specifically for your future husband (and asking others to pray for you) is vital. The enemy is actively working to prevent good Christians from uniting for marriage, so intentional, consistent prayer is a necessary defense against his schemes.

5) Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.

Maturing in every aspect of your life is the single most important thing you can do while waiting.

• Soak in God’s Word: The Bible is the ultimate tool for changing faulty mindsets; claiming promises; and repenting of sin. It is essential for Christian growth.
• Be in a Healthy Christian Community: Online services are not enough. You need to be in relationship and “doing life” with other believers to grow, which often involves conflict, encouragement, and accountability (to name a few).
• Find Mature Mentors: Ask God to bring a few mature Christian women (married or single) to disciple and mentor you while you wait on God for marriage.
• Be Wise About Media: Focus on wholesome books, podcasts, and materials that nurture your mind, body, and soul, helping you grow in your career and relationships. Be cautious of romance novels and fantasies—as one friend says, “The one in your bed is not the one in your head.” Fantasy can lead to dissatisfaction with a real, imperfect spouse when you get married.

6) Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.

Don’t let your life stall while you wait on God. Invest your time, emotional, and mental energy into serving others and building the Kingdom of God. Being involved in ministry and helping others grow can be deeply fulfilling and prevent you from being “overly crushed” by remaining single. Christ came not to be served, but to serve—find your joy in being like Him.

7) Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

In today’s age, we have over-complicated marriage. We’ve over-spiritualized some aspects and over-romanticized others (due to Hollywood and romance literature). Getting married doesn’t have to be that difficult. Focus on finding someone with similar Christian views; who is growing in their walk with the Lord; who is intentional about character development; and whose company you enjoy. Be willing to cut down on the man-made obstacles and barriers that prevent you from considering a good man while you wait on God.

In reality, the only sure way to know your time is near is when you are engaged and have a wedding date. While God may give you an impression, generally, people are clueless until they actually meet someone, the relationship gets serious, and a wedding date is set.

Summary

Remember: For the most part, God is waiting on us to become ready. He wants you to:

• Remove unrealistic expectations.
• Be more open to good men he has already connected you with.
• Deal with bad behavior, attitudes, and past traumas (like unaddressed rejection issues).
• Value marriage and family for what they are—a call that requires a willingness to “die to self”—rather than valuing career and independence too much

To recap,

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1. Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).
2. Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.
3. Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness.
4. Make It a Matter of Prayer.
5. Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.
6. Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.
7. Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Wait on God for Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

It has been 18 years since Jessica was in her first relationship which was not so great. But, like most little girls, she dreamed of being married one day. She’s an attractive woman, but she is yet to find a godly man who suits her well. While she waits, she’s growing in her relationship with God; serving her church; and thriving in her job. In recent times, she’s beginning to wonder if she is ready to even share her space with a husband. Has she gotten too comfortable being single?

I understand the fears that Jessica faces. When my first serious relationship failed, I was expecting to meet my future husband within a few years after the engagement ended. But one year moved to two years, then 5 years, then 10 years and nada! So naturally, I began to be very comfortable with my singleness, although I never gave up my desire for marriage.

But when I realised that Jon, my now husband, and I were becoming very serious, I remember being fearful when it was becoming serious. I asked myself questions like, “Do I really want to give up my singleness for marriage?!?” It was scary. I had really become so comfortable with being single. 

For me, I made up my mind that I will give up my singleness and marry Jon and I would say that we have a good marriage. 

Before I talk about your options when a good man were to come your way, let’s discuss the signs that you’re too comfortable with being single:

Here are five signs that you have gotten too comfortable being single:

1) You prefer to live alone.

When you’re too comfortable being single, you prefer NOT to share your space with anyone… not your sibling, not your best friend, and not even your parents if you can help it. But you have room for your dog, your cat and your pet fish!

You want to live in peace and quiet where everything is in place according to your liking. You don’t have to clean or cook if you don’t want to. No one is around to make your place untidy if you’re a neat freak. There’s no one to have an argument with. No one can mess up with your schedule and your systems.

When you walk into your home, you kick off your shoes, breathe a sigh of contentment as you enter your home and everything is just the way you left it. When you remember you have a leftover slice of your favourite dessert in the refrigerator, you know for certain that no one else has eaten it.  

Oh the bliss of the single life! Remaining single is becoming increasingly appealing.

2) You care less and less about your looks.

If you were to observe a single young woman in her twenties, with a healthy self-esteem and who has an interest in marriage, she is generally into looking her best. Attracting the opposite sex is high on her agenda. When she has to do out, all the following boxes must be checked:

• Hair
• Finger nails
• Toe nails
• Eyelashes
• Outfit
• Matching accessories
• Perfume

On the other hand, a woman who has lost interest in marriage or slowly losing hope will not place as much effort into her looks. Look around you and I am certain you will see many examples.

3) You stay in your comfort zone.

You feel most comfortable in the following places:

• Your home
• Your workplace
• Your place of worship
• Your closest friends’ homes
• You surround yourself with the same people – your family, your closest friends, and your church family.

Basically, you go to the same places and see the same people on repeat! You say to yourself, “If God wants you to meet someone, God will bring him to you.”

4) You’re too busy for a relationship.

Your career, hobbies, travel and/or ministry are your priorities. You have no time or room for a man in your life. Whatever free time you have remaining, it’s for sleeping.

5) You have stopped preparing for marriage.

Since you have resigned yourself to remaining single, you’re not interested in relationship coaching, seminars on relationships, single meetups to meet men, viewing or listening to relationship-related content and the like. You think to yourself, “What else can I learn that I don’t already know?”

Let me share a little about my own story …

After my first relationship ended, I was single for 13 years before I met Jonathan, my husband. I became very comfortable with my single life, enjoying my independence, traveling, and making my own decisions. I even had a moment of fear about giving up those benefits when John entered my life.

However, we humans are adaptable. If you are willing to be flexible, you will adapt. I chose marriage and embraced the unfamiliar, and six years later, I have no regrets.

When a good man comes along after a long period of singleness, you generally have three options:

1) Embrace him.

You can choose to embrace this man as a gift from God—his quirks, his weaknesses, and his strengths. You can choose to embrace oneness; choose to embrace the unfamiliar; choose to embrace the risk. It may or may not work out, but if he’s a good guy who’s serious about marriage, it’s a risk worth taking.

I promise you, you will grow and mature in ways that you didn’t know you needed if you allow God to change you through marriage.

2) Choose to remain single.

You might genuinely prefer to remain single. If, after careful consideration, you realize singleness is better for you, then embrace it fully. Therefore, choosing singleness is a valid choice as a child of God. It is easier to remain single and there are benefits to being single. This life is very short and if you decide not to get married, that is okay! Just be honest with yourself and don’t lead someone on if you’re not truly open to marriage.

3) Sabotage the relationship.

You might subconsciously find flaws, nitpick, and dismiss a potential husband due to fear of the unknown. You can end up sabotaging every relationship, with fairly good men, and then blame your singleness on God or say that there are no available good men in the church. Your community of friends and family can also offer valuable insight if you’re unintentionally rejecting good men. 

My advice would be to come to terms with where you are right now. If you have grown to love being single, that is fine and make it clear to any man who tries to pursue you. In that way, you will not waste his time or yours.

Summary

Here is what you need to do …

Make up your mind 

Although you have become very comfortable with being single, you need to make up your mind (SOBERLY) if you really want to give up the comforts and benefits of singleness for the blessing and challenge of being married. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God.

However, it is very unfair to allow a man to fall in love with you and at the very last minute, break his heart because you are double-minded.

Take some time and pray about this. Make up your mind.

My question to you is, “If God were to bring a wonderful godly man to you in the near future, would you be willing to give up your singleness and its comforts for him? Comment and let us know!

If this has been helpful to you and you want to get more practical relationship advice, you can get my “Irresistible Godly Woman” checklist by clicking on the link in the description. Then, you will receive my weekly newsletter with tips to help you navigate relationships.

Also, I invite you to like and subscribe to my challenge if you found my information helpful.  Take care and bye!

To recap,

Here are five signs that you have gotten too comfortable being single:

1. You prefer to live alone.
2. You care less and less about your looks.
3. You stay in your comfort zone.
4. You’re too busy for a relationship.
5. You have stopped preparing for marriage.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With

5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

Recommended Books:

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You And Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite 16GB

The post Have I Gotten Too Comfortable Being Single? appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You are a committed Christian woman, but you find yourself constantly falling into sexual sin with guys. The last time, it just mashed you up so much and you’re like, “I need to get a grip. I need to grow in this area”.

The thing is, when it comes to sexual temptation, it’s kind of difficult. It’s probably extra difficult these days because we are inundated with so much sexual material in the movies, in the books, the songs, music videos and the like.

Also, it has become a sad situation when Christian men are encouraging you and pressuring you for sex. There are women like that too! It just shows the way that we have allowed the world to infiltrate us so much that we have become powerless as people of God. So let’s overturn this trend. I want to share with you what has helped me and what could also help you overcome in this particular area. 

Here are 4 Tips on How to Deal with Sexual Temptation as a Single Woman:

1) Make up your mind.

You have to decide for yourself. No one can decide for you. In Daniel 1:8, it says that Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king’s choice foods, with the king’s food or wine. 

So there are times when you need to make up your mind and allow God to be the one to help you; fight for you; and to prosper you, even when your decisions might be very unpopular to others. Therefore, in order to deal with sexual temptation, you have to make up your mind for yourself.

2) Know what the Bible says about sexual purity.

Now, your feelings can come and go, but what will remain is the Word of God. 

“I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you”. – Psalm 119:11

As such, the Word of God is extremely important if you really want to win this battle. If you want to overcome sexual temptation with men, you need to renew your mind with the Word of God. A particular portion scripture that really helped me when I was growing in this particular area, is found in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6

You need a proper foundation in order for you to be strong in this particular area. Your feelings will be insufficient to help you when you are in a difficult situation. The interesting thing is, from my own experience and from what I know, there are quality men who will have their boundaries. And there are lots of good single men still out there. 

But I have found that, in general, men look to us to establish our boundaries and the sexual boundaries for the relationship. Therefore, you have to decide beforehand what your boundaries will be.

When you find Scripture that can strengthen your resolve to deal with sexual temptation, it is not sufficient to just read that portion of scripture once and done. No! You need to memorize it and meditate on it for it to move from your head to your heart so that you will really, really, really believe it. It needs to become a solid conviction and your own personal conviction … not your pastor’s conviction, not your youth pastor’s conviction, not your parents’ conviction, but yours!

It has to become your personal conviction for you to really overcome in this particular area.

3) Determine your boundaries in dating.

“That each of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor”. – 1 Thessalonians 4:4

You have to control your own body and help the guy to control his body as well. You need to think about boundaries in four particular areas, and here are a few questions to ask yourself.

Physical touch

What will you do or or will not do when it comes to physical touch with a guy you are seeing? 

Physical space

Do you have any particular boundaries with respect to being alone together? 

Sharing information

What will you share or will you not share with the guy that you are seeing? 

An accountability partner or friend

Is there someone in your life that can ask you the hard questions after you come back from a date? For example. “How things are going with you and ‘Charlie’? How are you dealing with the whole area of physical intimacy?” 

We need these people in our lives to help us to walk the straight and narrow path. We need someone to pray for us and we need someone with whom we can be accountable. 

You will see a great improvement in your ability to live more and more for Christ and in holiness and in purity when you have someone by your side rooting for you, supporting you, and willing to ask you the difficult questions. 

Have you determined your boundaries when it comes to dating?

4) Surround yourself with a like-minded community.

I can’t express how important a community is … whether an in-person community or an online community. Although online communities are good (to an extent), but you honestly need a community in real life who meet face-to-face.

Like for me, before I was even in a relationship, I was involved in a Christian community and those individuals helped me to cement and strengthen my views on sexual purity and helped me to stay strong. I had people who were talking the same language. They were kind. They were loving. We were transparent with one another. We were vulnerable. We also prayed for one another. This is the kind of community that you want because you cannot be alone in this journey.

When I was on a mission trip, we did a study based on the book “The Bride Wore White Seven Secrets, the Sexual Purity” by Dannah Gresh. I would highly recommend this book and its accompanying workbook.

Additionally, I would like to invite you to join my 90-day purity challenge. As soon as you sign up here, I will send you weekly emails within that time period including Scriptures for you to study, my own personal stories in my quest in sexual purity or stories from other women.

Summary

Although it may seem a challenge to overcome sexual temptation in this day and age, you can win this fight. As a Christian, you can be successful at being sexually pure. The journey might be long, but I am certain that Jesus can help you to deal with sexual temptation.

To recap,

• Here are some tips on how to handle sexual temptation:
  1. Making up your mind.
  2. Know what the Bible says about sexual purity.
  3. Determine your boundaries in dating.
  4. Surround yourself with a like-minded community.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

6 Lies About Sex Before Marriage (and the Truth)

How to Stop Having Sex with Your Boyfriend 

4 Really Poor Reasons for Choosing Celibacy

Recommended Books:

And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

And the Bride Wore White Companion Guide: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

Let Me be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite E-Reader

The post How to Deal with Sexual Temptation as a Single Christian Woman appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Since marriage is one of the most life-altering decisions you’ll ever make, it is important that you think very soberly about it.

Here are 4 questions to know if you should marry him:

1. Are there signs of abuse?

Marriage will not change him. As a matter of fact, after marriage, the abuse will probably worsen. If you were to conduct a survey among spouses in abusive marriages, they will tell you that abuse increased. You need to love yourself and love God more than you love this man.

The man that you’re with is damaged and you cannot fix him. He needs God, counselling, godly male role models, truth, deliverance and NOT a wife (at this time of his life). Right now, he does not have the capacity to love a woman as Christ loves the church. Again, I repeat, you cannot change him!

2. Has your father/mother told you that marrying him is not a good idea?

I cannot count the number of times I have heard a person in a struggling or failed marriage say that their father/mother, especially the father, told them that he/she should not marry the person. When we are in love, we can rarely see the warning signs. It may not be a case of poor character, but simply that they do not see the “fit”. However, we need to give prayerful attention to the disapproval of close family members.

Please have a conversation with your relative and find out why he/she thinks that your pending marriage is a bad idea. And pray like crazy! If you sincerely believe that your match is “made in heaven”, take your time and give your relative the opportunity to get to know your boyfriend/fiancé better. Trust that God will either change their heart or open your eyes to what might happen if you go ahead with the marriage.

It is such a fantastic blessing to have good relationships with your in-laws! Please do not minimize the influence of in-laws on marital harmony.

3. Do you respect him?

ALL men desire respect from the women they love. You are no exception to this. If you do not sincerely respect him for who he is, then marrying him is not a wise decision. Over time, your disrespect will become more and more obvious.

It will show in:

• Your lack of sexual interest in him.
• Your inability or your difficulty to speak words of affirmation to him.
• The way you directly speak to him (for instance, with sarcasm, aggression, ignoring his opinions, lack of consideration for him, etc.)
• What you tell others about him.
• The way you treat him in front of your future children.

Your disrespect for him will become evident, sooner or later.

If you have a challenge in respecting men in general, then this is a matter of the heart or a faulty mindset. Right now, you’re not in a position to be in a relationship with any man. I would advise that you take a break from all romantic relationships; seek counselling; allow the Word of God to renew your mind; read books; and allow God to work on your heart and change your mind about men.

However, if you have no problem in respecting men on a whole but you do not respect your boyfriend/fiancé, then you may need to prayerfully consider walking away from this relationship. Proceeding to the altar will not be advantageous to any of you.

NOTE:

If after marriage, you begin to lose respect for your husband, the solution is not a divorce. Go to God and ask him to show you the root of this disrespect; seek the counsel of wise spiritually-grounded friends; pray for your heart that God soften it toward him; pray for your husband and the weaknesses you see; and go into God’s Word regularly so that God can reveal your own pride and failings of which you need to repent.

4. Can you support his purpose, goals and dreams?

God has called us, women, to be a man’s helpmeet. If you cannot see yourself supporting and helping the man that you’re with, then you should not marry him. A husband needs the support of his wife. He needs a woman who will pray for his endeavours; who will give an encouraging word when he is discouraged about his purpose; who will be excited about his accomplishments and help in any way she can; and even warn him of danger.

If you are currently annoyed and despise his career choice or his dreams or what he believes is God’s purpose for him, then leave him alone. God just might bring another woman who will be a better complimentary fit for him than you are.

Summary

Before you say “I do”, you need to be sober-minded about if you should marry him. It is infinitely better to face the shame of a cancelled wedding and to lose the money already spent than walking into a marriage that you might live to regret.

However, if you do decide to go ahead and marry him, please know that God will honour your marriage. Also, if two people are willing to change and die to self to please the other, nearly every marriage has a fighting chance.

Are you having any reservations about a guy that you’re dating, engaged to or have your eyes on? What are they? Comment below.

If you are not in a relationship right now, you need to consider the above issues before you commit your heart to a man.

To recap,

Here are 4 questions to know if you should marry him:

1. Are there signs of abuse?
2. Has your father/mother told you that marrying him is not a good idea?
3. Do you respect him?
4. Can you support his purpose, goals and dreams?

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

6 Revealing Signs Your Relationship is Going Nowhere

5 Tests to Know If He’s the One 

4 Benefits to Ending a Relationship 

Recommended Books:

Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar

Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control byElisabeth Elliot 

Givers, Takers And Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell 

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post 4 Easy Questions to Know If You Should Marry Him appeared first on Petals Bloom.

I first heard about this “friend zone” concept from my husband. Apparently, if a person is placed in the “friend zone”, he/she is no longer considered as a potential spouse. Any romantic interest disappears!

To be honest, my closest friends have always been women, although I do have a few Christian male friends whose friendships I cherish. Far too frequently, I have witnessed women who have had serious crushes on their very close male friends, but their male friends married other women. These women’s hearts were broken.

So how do you prevent yourself from being placed and stuck in the friend zone?

Here are 7 tips to stay out of the “friend zone”:

1) Embrace and maintain your femininity in the following ways:

1. Look your best whenever you are around him.Christian or not, a single man wants to be with a “pretty” feminine lady. The visual component is huge for a man.
2. Be ladylike in the way you walk, talk, and sit. When your male friend thinks about you, he should not think of you as one of the boys.
3. Show him your soft side which includes crying when you feel like crying.
4. Smell clean and use a feminine perfume (if you have no allergies). Invest in at least one good quality perfume.

2) Allow him to protect you.

A man wants to be your hero, so ask him for advice and his protection.

For instance, if he wants to walk you to your door because he wants to ensure that you reach home safely, please do not refuse. Furthermore, if he wants to pay for your meals from time to time, allow him the privilege.

3) Don’t always argue.

You need to choose your battles carefully. If you’re one of those women who must always set a man straight and always win an argument, you need to take a different route if you plan to marry and/or have a successful happy marriage.

4) Do not behave like a man toward him.

If you want to keep out of the “friend zone”, keep at the forefront of your mind that you’re a woman and he’s a man. Accentuate the differences. If you behave like one of his “partners”, he will subconsciously place you in the friend zone.

For example, refrain from slapping him on the back; giving him a bounce; or giving him a hi-five.

5) Do not be available for him 24/7/365.

Don’t operate like if you’re his wife. Have a life of your own separate and apart from him. Let him miss your company; long to hear your voice and yearn to see you. If he wants to see you every day, he’ll just have to marry you!

6) Be mysterious.

I personally don’t think that you should disclose “every single thing” about yourself to a man who is simply a friend. He doesn’t need to know about all your secrets, your mistakes in life; your past relationship problems; and all the struggles you are facing. Leave that for marriage. Hence, a man would prefer to go with a “new” woman who has entered his life because her mysteriousness is enticing.

(Before marriage, you need to share pertinent information in a committed romantic relationship to aid in your decision to marry or not to marry).

7) Be vulnerable.

As modern educated and spiritually-strong women, we don’t want to appear weak to the opposite sex. But that’s a big mistake. He must know that you do not have it altogether. It shows that:

1. You’re human;
2. You’re his equal because you both have weaknesses. Most men are well acquainted with their own flaws. He doesn’t want a woman who thinks that she’s better than him nor does he want to feel that he’s inferior to her.

But remember point 6 … please do not share everything about you. Mystery is still important!

Summary

It is great to have male friends, but I would seriously reconsider being best friends or very close friends with guys with whom there is no relationship leading to marriage. Reserve your deep sharing for your female friends, biological brothers, an official committed relationship and your spouse. It may prevent the unfortunate situation of being placed in the friend zone by a fantastic man who you love romantically. On the other hand, it will also ensure that you don’t place a potential future spouse into the friend zone.

Have you ever been placed in the friend zone by a man you love? What would you do differently? Please comment below and share your story.

To recap,

Here are 7 tips to stay out of the “friend zone”:

1. Embrace and maintain your femininity.
2. Allow him to protect you.
3. Don’t always argue.
4. Do not behave like a man toward him.
5. Do not be available for him 24/7/365.
6. Be mysterious.
7. Be vulnerable.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

“Situationship” or Relationship … 5 Reasons It Should be Clear 

6 Practical Tweaks to Get A Man’s Attention

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot 

Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar

Givers, Takers And Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell 

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post How to Stay Out of the “Friend Zone” appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Adultery among Christians happens. As a single Christian woman, what can you do to not commit adultery with your male married friend?

I was reading a post by a single Christian woman on Christian social media group and the responses were very interesting. The wife of her male best friend has asked her to stop sending regular private messages to her husband. The young lady is feeling hurt by the wife’s request.

Most of the responses were:

• The wife is insecure.
• The couple is having marital problems so she shouldn’t feel rejected and hurt by the wife’s request.
• She is more attractive than the wife so the wife must be jealous. (It should be noted that the people responding have no clue what the wife looks like).
• The young lady believes that the wife is being sexist. If she were a man, she would have had no problem with the husband’s private texting with his best friend.

Committed followers of Jesus do not plan to commit adultery.

A heterosexual male will not be attracted to another man, so there is certainly no need for a wife to worry about marital unfaithfulnesses with another man. On the other hand, a friendship with a female friend can very well mature into a romance!

We have enough examples throughout history to support this. So please do not be naive about your friendships with your married male friends.

Adultery can creep up on you.

Adultery happens subtly. For the most part, it happens between two people who already know one another – a co-worker, a boss, a high school sweetheart who has reconnected with you, your friend’s husband, your married pastor, etc. The privacy of communication through a cell phone makes it easier than ever before to build intimacy without anyone knowing. Undoubtedly, adultery starts long before any sexually act occurs.

“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 ESV

You may not be romantically interested in married man now, but under the “right” circumstances, it is actually possible to fall in love with a married male friend (or vice versa) and commit adultery.

Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” 1 Corinthians 10:12

Solution: Implement boundaries now.

When you can think soberly, put proper boundaries in place.

Here are 7 reasons to implement boundaries to not commit adultery:

1. Protect your Christian witness.
2. Protect the marriages of those in your life.
3. Prevent you from falling when you feel vulnerable and tempted to give into your fleshly desires. This also applies to your close male friend.
4. Ensure that you do your part to ensure that the marriages around you are the strongest that they can be.
5. Give no suspicion of marital infidelity to the children involved. This can really traumatise and damage children.
6. Protect the trust between the husband and wife and the resulting security that trust produces in a marriage.
7. Strengthen your relationship with your friend’s wife.

​

Here are 6 tips to not commit adultery with your married male friend:

1. Encourage him to be best friends with his wife.

When a couple marries, they should be moving toward oneness in every area of their lives. The relationship between the man and the woman should be the most intimate relationship in each of their lives. Hence, it should take precedence over every other relationship whether it be with a parent, a child, a sibling or a former best friend.

Therefore, it follows that a move toward oneness would mean that they should become each other’s best friend in time. As such, if your male best friend gets married to another woman, it is important that you take a “back seat“.

2. Limit your private communication with your male friend.

At times, you may need to talk with your male friend one-to-one. It might be necessary work-related conversations; a birthday call; a checking-up-on-you call because you care about your friend; tech advice, etc. However, when regular private calls begin to last for hours and the conversations morph into sharing deeply about struggles; issues that either of you are facing; or problems with his wife; then you need to take a step back.

At this point, encourage him to talk with his wife, his brother, his sister, his spiritual leader, a coach, a brother or even a counsellor. For certain, help him to move toward his wife and not you. Please do not think that you’re the only one in the entire world that he can trust with his issues.

3. Try to become closer friends with his wife.

Focus your energy into befriending your friend’s wife. When you call the house, ask to speak with her first from time to time. Take an interest in her and secure her trust. She must feel and know that you are for her and for him. If this is proving difficult, pray about it and ask God to give you wisdom in navigating such a friendship with her. Undoubtedly, the wife should not feel that you are her competition … in any way!

4. Limit the times you are alone with him.

You are not a super Christian. Too many Christians naively place themselves in harm’s way and think that they are stronger than they really are. Then, they fall! If you have more than an ounce of admiration for him and he thinks highly of you, it is better to limit your times when it’s just two of you alone together.

Now, even is he is your friend and there is no attraction whatsoever, it is still wise to protect your Christian witness. Contrary to what some Christians believe, you do not live for yourself alone. Life is not about you. Your choices will impact what others think about Christ. As such, others are looking at your life to decide if Christ makes a difference or not.

“So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil.” Romans 14:16 ESV

‘For, as it is written, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”’ Romans 2:24 ESV

For instance, my deceased pastor left his office door opened when he was counselling. This measure was to safeguard his character, the character of the person being counselled and ultimately, the name of Christ. Never once was it said that he behaved inappropriately with anyone. He gave no opportunity for the anyone to assassinate his character or the mighty name of God.

5. Dress appropriately.

I don’t know if we, women, understand the extent of a man’s natural inclination to become sexually aroused by a woman’s body… simply by looking. Since we are not men, it is difficult for us to sympathise and restrict our sensual desire to show the world our shapeliness and our sexiness. After-all, “why men cannot control themselves?.” But God understands (since He made the male man), so He made it very clear in His Word that we should dress modestly.

“… likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10

Therefore, if you truly love your male friend and you want to protect his marriage, please dress modestly. Instead, “adorn yourself with good works.”

Suppose you get invited to spend the night at your married friend’s house, here are some practical tips:

1. Leave your sexy revealing lingerie and see-through silky robe at home.
2. Don’t go from the bathroom to the guest room wrapped in your towel.
3. Don’t seek to have alone time with your male friend. Make it a family affair. Include his wife in the conversations.
4. Watch your mannerisms and bury any flirtatious inclinations that you might have toward men in general.

Behave in a manner that you would expect from a female invited guest around your future husband.

6. Discern if attraction is developing.

You’re a woman and he’s a man. Attraction could develop. If you sense that you’re becoming attracted to a married man, reduce your interactions with him until you can handle those emotions well. Don’t fool yourself under any circumstances.

On the other hand, if you sense that he’s becoming attracted to you, then put some distance between you two. Just because he’s married, it doesn’t mean that he will not be attracted to another woman ever again in life.

Summary

As Christians, we must daily die to self to glorify Christ in our lives. It is not easy, but very possible and satisfying when we choose to act in the highest interest of our married friends. You may not plan to commit adultery, but it can happen if you’re not careful.

Instead of saying, “I wish I had”, I hope you’ll be saying, “I’m glad I did.” Implement these boundaries and you’ll have a good chance of not committing adultery and protecting the marriages around you.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

In what ways can you protect the marriages around you? Comment below!

To recap, here are 6 tips to not commit adultery with your married male friend:

1. Encourage him to be best friends with his wife.
2. Limit your private communication with your male friend.
3. Try to become closer friends with his wife.
4. Restrict the times you are alone with him.
5. Dress appropriately.
6. Discern if attraction is developing.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

When He Loves Someone Else – 7 Clever Tips to Move On

When Your Best Friend Gets Married | 6 Tips to Keep Your Friendship Alive

When Your Ex Boyfriend Has a New Girlfriend | 7 Tips to Cope Well

Recommended Books:

Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry B Jenkins

Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty by Dannah Gresh

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post How to Not Commit Adultery with Your Male Friend appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Nobody can help you grow as much as your spouse. -Duane Weekes

Here are 10 lessons from two years of marriage:

1. Like and enjoy your husband.

After the wedding excitement wears off, you need to like and enjoy the man you have agreed to marry. So choose a man you get along with. Physical attraction, sexual appeal, academic qualifications, popularity and wealth will not be enough. The pandemic and the lock down restrictions really tested the foundation of many marriages. My husband and I shared a lot of good laughs and enjoyed each other’s company during our first two years.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #1: I’m glad my husband and I are friends.

2. Practice self-care.

It is easy for a woman to sacrifice for her family and that is to be expected. There’s no sin in sacrifice. However, you need to make a conscious effort to practice self-care like resting; enjoying a hobby; treating yourself to a gift (even an inexpensive gift like your favourite snack); and engaging in activities that refresh you. In my desire to be the perfect wife and to “spoil” my husband, I over-exerted myself at times and my husband didn’t understand why I placed so much pressure on myself.

Remember, you are only a human being … with limits. Also, you will incorrectly train your husband (and children) to expect you to operate with super-human qualities. When they don’t reciprocate, you can become bitter and resentful. Besides, your husband may prefer a dusty house and an available wife than a perfectly organised house and an always-too-busy wife.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #2: Make a better effort to take care of myself.

3. Be a prayer warrior.

There will be attacks on you, your spouse and your union. As such, even before you get married, learn to pray and build your faith in God. As a matter of fact, you need to become an intercessor and a prayer warrior.

Since I have been married, I make it a point to pray for my husband every day. I probably missed a few days, but with the help of God, I have been generally consistent.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #3: Continue to pray without ceasing.

4. Learn to take care of a home.

If you wait until you are married to take care of a home, you will be super stressed out because of all the major transitions that accompany a marriage. Start managing a home from now!

Here are some suggestions:

• Learn to cook in order to have healthy meals prepared for your daily consumption;
• Clean an entire house regularly;
• Wash your own clothes;
• Do grocery shopping; and
• Manage your finances.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #4: It’s a good thing my mother taught me how to manage a home and living on my own helped tremendously!

5. Make your relationship with God a priority.

Your most important relationship, before and after marriage, is your relationship with God. Spending time with God, as a way of life, will keep your mind sound; give you wisdom to deal with unchartered rocky circumstances; keep your hope alive; convict you of your poor attitudes and incorrect mindsets; give you a different perspective on issues; and help you to be gracious and forgiving. Having a regular time with God, accompanied with obedience, is a key ingredient to a stable thriving marriage.

I remember a few times when I would be upset and when I began to spend time with God, His Word convicts me and the Holy Spirit softens my heart toward my husband. Undoubtedly, God changes me from within. Don’t allow your heart to become hard toward your husband. Allow the Word to penetrate deep inside your heart and determine to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #5: My relationship with Jesus makes my marriage stronger and sweeter.

6. Have friends who are for you and your husband.

When you marry, you may have your close friends and he may have his close friends. However, the friends who you want close to you are those friends who mature enough to be for BOTH you and your husband. You don’t need friends who will only be loyal to you. They must be your marriage.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #6: I’m super grateful and thrilled that I have praying friends full of God’s wisdom!

7. Cultivate good relationship between the two families.

It is a great blessing when there are good relationships among you, your husband, your parents and his parents. This has been one of the greatest blessings in my marriage. Think soberly and move with extreme caution if your parents dislike your future husband or his parents disapprove of you. You are entering each other’s families and that is a big deal!

Also, be careful about bad-mouthing your spouse with your parents. It may back-fire. However, if you are being abused, you should speak out.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #7: I am beyond blessed that my in-laws love me and my parents love my husband.

8. Be aware of your bad attitudes and seek growth.

The attitudes, good and not so good before marriage, will become more pronounced after marriage. This same principle applies to your future husband’s attitudes. Our bad behaviour do not disappear on the wedding day. In fact, they become even more apparent after marriage.

Although you, nor him, will become perfect before marriage, you should always embrace a perspective of continual growth. Reject the notion, “This is how I am and this is how I will always be.” Remember, as a follower of Jesus Christ, your goal is to become more and more like Jesus and not to remain in your carnal state.

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Romans 8:29 ESV

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #8: Marriage showed up lots of my flaws, but I’m grateful that we are patient with one another and we are both seeking to continually grow.

9. Invest in your marriage.

Surround yourself with godly couples and always invest in your marriage intentionally and continually. Be a part of couples’ prayer groups, marriage enrichment classes, marriage conferences, read good books, etc. Don’t wait for marital problems to arise and then seek counsel (which you should, of course!). But, as the saying goes, “Prevention is better than cure.”

Here are some suggestions:

• Read books to give cultivate the right mindset for a good marriage.
• Attend pre-engagement counselling.
• Have pre-marital counselling.
• Attend marriage conferences. I have attend about 3 Family Life’s Weekend to Remember conferences.
• Married couples’ classes.
• Married couples’ prayer group.
• Have a mentoring couple (as least one) that you both trust.
• Attend marriage enrichment seminars.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #9: Well, it’s always comforting to know that there are other couples who have the same challenges and to not only be aware of them, but to get the help we need to have a better marriage.

10. Learn to love the people presently in your life.

Your close relationships, prior to marriage, prepare you for marriage. Learn to love well the people already in your life while you are single. God has placed people in your life like parents/guardians, siblings, grandparents, female friends and male friends.

Here are some questions to consider:

• Do you give up on relationships when they become difficult?
• Are you forgiving?
• Do you help with chores?
• Do people give up on you because you’re too difficult to deal with?

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #10: Being single for a long time and working through relationships with my family and friends provided me with relationships skills for my marriage.

Summary

As a woman who got married later in life, I can safely say that the choices you make when you are single will affect the choice of a mate and how you navigate married life. To all the single Christian ladies reading this article, I hope you find these lessons from 2 years of marriage are not only insightful, but also instructive.

What preparations for marriage are you currently making? What changes in your mindset are needed now?

Whether you plan to marry or not, it will be beneficial to you to make some tweaks in your current lifestyle so that you can handle the transition into marriage like a champ!

To recap, here are 10 lessons from my first two years of marriage:

1. Like and enjoy your husband.
2. Practice self-care.
3. Be a prayer warrior.
4. Learn to take care of a home.
5. Make your relationship with God a priority.
6. Have friends who are for you and your husband.
7. Cultivate good relationships between the two families.
8. Be aware of your bad attitudes and seek growth.
9. Invest in your marriage.
10. Learn to love the people presently in your life.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

How to transition from single to married without stress

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

7 Ways A Close Female Friend Can Prepare You For Marriage

Recommended Books:

The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post 10 Insightful Lessons from 2 Years of Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Your best friend tells you that she thinks ‘Sam’ likes you. You are elated at this revelation. Every time you see him, your heart does a happy dance. You have been observing him for some time now and your admiration for him is growing. Could he be the ‘One’? Can you keep your confidence intact?

“Sam” makes a move…hooray!

‘Sam’ finally had the courage to ask you for your phone number so you willingly give it to him. Finally, the ball is beginning to roll! The former slightly-desperate you would naively destroy the relationship before it has any real chance of blossoming. But the new confident you wants to be wiser in your interactions with all men, especially ‘Sam’.

How should you proceed? How do you strike the delicate balance of showing your interest in ‘Sam’ while giving ‘Sam’ the opportunity and privilege of pursuing you?

Before you proceed …

If you have been acting desperately in the past, you can be comforted that your future interactions with men can be different and healthier. (If you’re not sure if you’re desperate at times, check out “The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It” ). But you need to renew your mind and behave like a confident woman of God (check out “Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman”).

Here are some practical pointers to keep your confidence intact as you interact with ‘Sam’:

1. Don’t be so eager to respond.

Since you have a life other than being available to him 24/7, don’t always respond immediately to his messages like if your phone is an extension of your body. Sometimes you can respond and sometimes you simply can’t.

As a matter of fact, try to place the phone away from you from time to time throughout the day. Put a restriction on yourself on how often you will check your phone. We have to be radical at times. Don’t appear desperate, but rather keep your confidence intact.

2. Occupy your time and mind.

When you’re at home during your free time, watch a movie; read a good book; do a hair treatment; do your nails; take an online course; call a friend to catch up; memorize Scripture; write a mini e-book; exercise; or do anything to have your thoughts otherwise engaged. Don’t spend all your time anxiously awaiting his phone call or his messages.

3. You need sufficient notice.

If he wants to go out with you, you need sufficient notice for this to happen… no ‘today for tomorrow’. Since you have a life apart from him, you’ll need to schedule him in. You can’t drop all your plans just to be available for a man.

If he wants more of your time, he’ll need to take the relationship to another level. Don’t give too much of yourself so quickly and so easily. Let the man do some work! Keep your confidence up!

“That which we obtain too easily we esteem too lightly.” Thomas Paine

4. Be patient and joyful.

If he takes long (in your estimation) to respond to your messages, don’t take it personally. He’s probably busy saving the world:) Choose to think well of him so that when you speak with him, you sound sincerely joyful and not annoyed.

You cannot fake it. If you’re upset, your voice and words will betray you. Being too intense will certainly prematurely kill any interest that he has in you.

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.” Proverbs 16:32

5. Avoid the marriage talk.

Don’t bring up marriage and what you will name your children in initial conversations with him. You’re now getting to know him. He might turn out to be a psycho. You don’t know him well enough to conclude if you want to marry him. Let him be the one to bring up marriage with you. Don’t appear too eager or desperate. Keep your confidence intact!

6. Keep your heart open to others.

If he hasn’t declared his intentions directly to you, do not believe that he’s the one for you. He may or may not be so I wouldn’t recommend setting your heart on him just yet. Keep your mind and heart open to other good eligible men.

I have seen too many women focused on a man, who has given them no commitment and in time, he marries someone else. If a man is really interested in you, he will make his intentions known. You’re not a mind-reader.

Also, don’t allow yourself to be ‘his time-filler’ until he meets the woman of his dreams. You’re too special to allow yourself to be used like that.

7. Resist dreaming about your wedding day with him.

When you find yourself thinking about your future with him as your husband and walking down the aisle toward him, you need to do a brain switch immediately.

Think about something that is unrelated, but something that interests or excites you – your future vacation, your work project, your cutie pie nephew…anything to get your mind from going to dreamland about your future with him. An excellent resource is “Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” by Dr. Caroline Leaf.

8. Smile often and enjoy yourself.

Did you know that someone can tell if you are smiling on the other end of the phone? It makes a difference in the way you sound. The next time that you speak with your love interest (or anyone for that matter), try smiling when you’re on the phone. It’ll make a difference.

9. Don’t smother him.

Give him some breathing space. You don’t have to be in his presence 24/7. You don’t need to make him feel guilty because he wants to spend time with his friends. As a matter of fact, you want to encourage him to have strong relationships with other godly men because ‘iron sharpens iron’ (Proverbs 27:17).

Whether you’re in the early stages of a relationship or engaged to be married, you both need to have other interests and other relationships that add value to your life.

10. Make time for your other relationships.

Don’t neglect your other key relationships with God, your friends and your family to focus completely on him. God has placed you in community so that you can blossom into a purposeful healthy grounded woman. No one man can provide all that you need to prosper in every area of your life.

A woman could possess external beauty, but yet behave like a desperate woman when she interacts with men. As you begin to value who you are, your desirability will increase. Keep your confidence level up!

A truly confident woman of God knows her worth and she acts accordingly. Her value is not based on her outward appearance or her sexual appeal, but her depth of character and strength which comes from her dependence on God.

Do you keep your confidence intact when a man begins to pursue you? If you’re around confident women of God, what have you observed about their interactions with men? I would love to hear your opinion or observations.

I absolutely love receiving emails from my subscribers whether it be a response to an email that touched them, a call for prayer or simply saying ‘hi’. If you’d like to be a subscriber, click here. When you can subscribe, you will receive my weekly email tips to help you to grow in your relationships with God and others. You’ll also receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. Thanks for stopping by!:)

Comment, Share and Subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

“Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” by Dr. Caroline Leaf

“Fascinating Girl” by Helen Andelin

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The post Is He Showing Interest? 10 Pointers to Keep Your Confidence Intact appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Do you behave like a confident attractive woman or one who is desperate?

“Jack”

You meet an awesome guy ‘Jack’ and he’s so incredible! The last time you two chatted, you spoke for hours but it merely felt like minutes. As a result, your phone is with you 24/7 because you simply cannot risk missing a phone call or even a message from him.

Throughout the day, you’re wondering if ‘Jack’ is going to call you. As such, you can barely function because your thoughts are occupied with daydreams of him. Should you take the initiative to call him? But you’ve already sent him at least four messages for the day.

When he finally gets around to calling you, he senses that you’re upset and he has no clue why. In addition, some days have passed and his calls have become sparse. Has ‘Jack’ lost interest already…just like ‘David’, ‘Sam’ and ‘Errol’? Perhaps, your desperation has scared another guy away. It’s about time you become a confident attractive woman again.

Now, you are determined to put an end to sabotaging your own love life. But you’re a little clueless about what to do. Can your desperation ever be cured? Can you regain your confidence?

Time for change

Indeed, you’re in a good place. The first step to being cured is admitting the truth about your state of desperation. Actually, you don’t need to be ashamed of it because it’s quite common among singles (men and women alike). The battlefield of life has left you dry, wounded and desperate, but you need to be reminded that you are a treasure and worthy to be adored and loved.

The good news is that you can overcome it once and for all. I did and you can too! If you’re not sure if you’re suffering from desperation, check out ‘The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It’.

Undoubtedly, the cure to desperation is gaining confidence. Whether you marry in the future or not, it is important that you become a confident woman of God, which in itself, is extremely attractive. Confidence will enhance every relationship in your life and even your career.

Here are some helpful steps to become a more confident attractive woman.

1) Get a life.

At this point of time of your life, you need to focus on building a life that you absolutely love. More importantly, you need to be at a point where you enjoy your own company. If you don’t enjoy being you, why should someone else join your ‘party’?

You cannot wait for a man to begin having a time of your life. The poor man will feel overburdened with that weighty responsibility. A healthy godly man does not want to be a woman’s idol. Understandably, he will feel secure knowing that he’s not your only source of joy and fulfilment.

When a man communicates with you, he should sense that you’re enjoying your life immensely, with or without him. Moreover, he should be hearing the laughter in your voice as you speak about your day; hear the excitement of your life adventures; be inspired by the wisdom from your reading; be challenged and encouraged by your service to others around you; and be happy to hear about your experiences from hanging out with your friends. In essence, he should be intrigued by your life and want to be apart of that celebration.

When your life is vibrant and full, you’ll be so busy enjoying life that you would not spend all your time anxiously waiting for his phone call or his responses to your messages. As a matter of fact, he’ll have to call in advance to schedule to spend time with you.

Questions to consider:

• What do you enjoy doing the most (besides sleep!)?
• Who or what makes you laugh uncontrollably?
• How can you serve others more?
• What kind of service brings life to you?
• When you lay down to sleep and you reflect, what brings a smile to your face?
• Which relationships add joy to your life?
• With whom do you need to spend more time?
• If you were to never get married, how would you spend your time?

2) Value yourself.

If you don’t value yourself, don’t expect anyone else to value you. God has created all of us in His image and His likeness (Genesis 1:26) so you have an excellent foundation of significant value. With over 7.6 billion persons in the world, you are totally original and unique. Indeed, there has never been anyone like you in the past, anyone like you now or anyone like you to be born in the future. That being the case, you cannot be perfectly replaced.

“I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14

If you find yourself doubting your worth, here are some suggested action steps:

1. Set aside some extended time alone and ask the Holy Spirit to show you your positive blind spots.
2. Take a good look at yourself. What are your assets? What compliments do you receive about your personality or your skills or your physical attributes?
3. Ask loving family and friends to share with you what they enjoy about you; what makes you unique; and what benefits you bring into a relationship. If no one has anything good to say about you, then you either need new friends and/or you need some character changes.
4. Record all that you’ve learnt or rediscovered about yourself in the above points and thank God for them.
5. Plan to further maximize your strengths. For instance, if you learn that your smile is infectious, then make it a point to smile more even if you feel self-conscious about it.

If you are to be married, God will provide a man who will like and love the woman that you are. As such, you don’t need to pretend to be someone else. Simply allow your strengths to shine brighter and become a confident attractive woman!

3) Don’t waste your emotions on the wrong guy.

If you’re interested in a guy and you sense that he’s not that interested in you, leave him alone. Don’t waste your time. Of course, you can be friends with him, but don’t treat him more than a friend.

Too many single women waste their time and emotions on men who are not interested ENOUGH to pursue them. When the affection is not reciprocated, it affects their self-worth. Don’t even allow it to reach that far. I remember ‘Tom’. Nearly all my close female friends at the time told me that ‘Tom’ liked me. Eventually, I myself began to be convinced.

The problem with this situation is that ‘Tom’ never said anything directly to me. Important to note, he never clearly declared any interest in me. However, God brought a wonderful man who liked me ENOUGH to pursue me without the frustrating guessing game. It was beautiful! As a woman, you deserve to be pursued so don’t sell yourself short.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Mark Twain

“Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport.” ~ Unknown

4) Do a makeover.

We need to be practical as Christian women. When a woman feels good about her body and the way she looks, it affects how she walks, talks and her overall demeanor. Besides, our entire being is interconnected and it’ll be wise of us to pay attention to our physical beauty.

All of us have attributes that make us look beautiful. You may not be attractive to all men, but one man may be enthralled by your unique beauty. Therefore, the key is to discover and focus on what makes you feel beautiful. When you feel gorgeous in your own body, it will come across in your interactions with everyone, including men. Subsequently, you’ll become a confident attractive woman.

By the way, you don’t need to look like Miss Universe. Interestingly, beauty has more to do with how you feel about yourself. I have seen women who look quite the opposite to a ‘Miss Universe’ look and they are attractive. They take care of themselves and they exude a strong sense of confidence which is captivating.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What will make you feel more attractive?
• Do you like the way you look?
• Would a new hairstyle enhance your appearance?
• Is your wardrobe crying out for a makeover?
• Do you need to become fit?
• Which colors make you come alive?

In your makeover, please don’t start dressing scantily or sexily, because it screams ‘I’m desperate for male attention!’. Additionally, you risk attracting the wrong men. For more on this, read ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Related article:

5 Rare Qualities Mature Christian Men Want

5) View single men as possible friends.

In the past, when a handsome guy came into my presence, it was my automatic response to immediately check his hand to see if there was a wedding band. Of course, I tried to look without being obvious!

I viewed every attractive eligible guy as a prospective partner for me. With a mindset like that, it was very difficult to focus on being just friends. Instead of being a confident attractive woman, I appeared desperate. I was preoccupied with questions like, ‘does he like me?’, ‘am I showing too much interest?’, ‘what did he mean when he said …?’, ‘how should I interpret when he did …?’ and on and on it went.

In short, I missed the whole point of knowing and loving my Christian brothers as fellow followers of Christ. As a result, it was very difficult to be myself around those guys. My ‘intense over-protective’ self overshadowed my ‘real enjoyable’ self. Needless to say, love did not blossom with any of those guys.

When next you meet a single guy that you might like, try to be interested in him as a friend. Think about him as a possible friend for life, and not as a potential mate. Whether or not he becomes your husband, you would have gained one more friend. Just as we don’t want men to be view us as sex objects, men also want to be valued for who they are and not merely marriage objects.

Questions to consider:

• How can I be a blessing to him?
• In what way can I best serve him as a sister?
• How can I encourage him?
• How can I pray for him?

6) Kill the marriage idol.

What is the absolute worst thing that can happen if you never get married? Ask yourself – “Would you lose your salvation? Would you be eternally unhappy? Would your parents disown you if you didn’t birth a grandchild?” To put it briefly, marriage is a temporary status that will soon be over. It will end when either partner dies. Is it worth it to be unhappy and discontent for something that is relatively short-lived in comparison to eternity?

Some years ago, I came to this point of surrender. If I never got married, I would be fine with being single for the rest of my life. Admittedly, it was not easy coming to that point. But afterwards, I started enjoying my single season once again without placing emphasis on getting married. I felt free! As a result, I became a confident attractive woman again. Even my relationships with men became healthier as my interaction with them changed. My focus was gaining a friend in a brother.

As a Christian, we need to continually hold everything in our lives with an open hand of surrender to God … even a good desire like marriage. I firmly believe that we should not allow anything or anyone (apart from God Himself) to have control over us. When you begin to realize that something or someone has an unhealthy hold on you, you need to take a step back and take an intentional break or implement limits.

Summary

In conclusion, you can cure desperation and become a confident attractive woman by following the above tips: getting a life; valuing yourself; not wasting your time on the wrong guy; doing a makeover; viewing single men as friends; and killing the marriage idol. This is not an exhaustive list, but those are the steps that I took to cure myself of desperation. Now, I’m married to a wonderful man who didn’t experience any desperate behaviour from me. Yippee!

I would love to hear your views on this matter. What makes a woman radiate with confidence? What has helped you on your journey to valuing yourself? Comment below and share your views. Subscribe and you’ll receive my weekly email tips on developing your relationships with God, yourself and with others. As a bonus, you’ll also receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You want to ask a question? Subscribe and email me that question at any time. I personally answer all emails. I hope you found this helpful. Thanks for stopping by!:)

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With love,

Kimberly

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman appeared first on Petals Bloom.

What is the top attraction killer?

There seems to be a recurring theme in your life. You meet a fantastic guy. Subsequently, you hit it off (or so you think), but it quickly dies or never blossom into a committed relationship. Your friends and family think that you’re an amazing beautiful woman and wonder what is wrong with the single men around you. Are they blind?

Or is there something that you’re unknowingly doing that is short-circuiting your love life? If so, what is that top attraction killer? There could be many reasons contributing to your current single state, but the one not-so-obvious trait is DESPERATION. A state of desperation has very little to do with your physical attractiveness, intelligence, wit or your devotion to God. Many single women go through a period of desperation, spanning months or even years. Desperation acts like a ‘man repellant’. It is the top attraction killer.

I too have gone through the desperate phase and during that time, suitors were very very few. The persons who pursued me during that time were persons in whom I had not an ounce of interest. What a dilemma… no interest from the guys you like and keen interest from those you don’t like!

The most common contributing factors of desperation:

• You’ve experienced rejection due to a failed relationship;
• You sense that your biological clock is quickly ticking away and there’s no husband-to-be in sight;
• Your self-worth has been crushed due to a debilitating life event; and/or
• You have internalized demeaning and negative insults about your self-worth from persons in your life.

Factors one and two were my culprits. It wasn’t easy, but my freedom started when I faced my desperation. Like me, you may not even be aware of your desperate behavior. However, the sooner you come to terms with this, the faster than you can overcome it and increase your level of attractiveness. Like any real breakthrough in life, you must first face the truth.

Although it might not be obvious to us, men can ‘smell’ desperation in a woman. Is this top attraction killer evident in your life?

Here are some signs to help you see if the top attraction killer is in your life:

1) You get attached too quickly.

You just met ‘Charlie’. The mutual attraction was unexplainable! Furthermore, you had several long enjoyable conversations with him. You have so much in common that it must be a match made in Heaven. You begin to daydream about your wedding day with ‘Charlie’ as your much-desired long-awaited groom. What a beautiful wedding it will be! Who should you invite?

You begin to text ‘Charlie’ every day and you get upset when he is talking too long to respond. When you see him talking to another woman, you begin to get jealous and even give him the ‘cold shoulder’. You share with your girlfriends that you and ‘Charlie’ are becoming a couple. Poor ‘Charlie’! He’s oblivious that he’s featuring in your wedding dream. To him, you’re an attractive woman, but he hardly knows you. He’s perturbed that you’re so intense. He is beginning to wonder what has happened.

Ladies, if a man doesn’t plainly express to you that he’s romantically interested in you; that he wants to be in a relationship with you; or that he wants to marry you, do not begin to fantasize about your life with him as his wife. Even the shyest man on the face of the planet will get the courage to declare his love to the woman he wants (when he’s ready). Do not take this privilege away from him. You don’t want to force a man to be with you.

Questions to consider:

Do you …

• Find yourself fantasizing about the ‘new guy’ shortly after meeting him?
• Think that you’re in a relationship with someone who has made no such  commitment?
• Bring up the talk of marriage too quickly?
• Come across as too intense?
• Share your feelings too soon?
• Get upset when he’s taking too long to reply to your messages?
• Convince yourself that a guy likes you and he has made no such indications?

If you get attached too quickly, that top attraction killer is evident!

2) You’ve lost your head.

You once believed that you’ll wait until marriage for sex. But now, you’ve thrown that virtue away to please with your love interest. Perhaps, you tolerate abuse because you’re afraid of remaining single all the days of your life. When you’re desperate, you begin to compromise values and beliefs you previously held dearly. Check out ‘6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful’ and ‘7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity‘.

You do things that you never thought you’d do prior to meeting him. You begin to lose yourself and behave foolishly. I remember that I was with a male friend, who I found to be rather attractive, and his shoelace became untied. Do you know what I offered to do?!? I am ashamed to admit it but I bent down and offered to tie them …in the middle of a shopping plaza! What in the world was I thinking? Nothing was wrong with his own two hands. When you’re desperate, you don’t act in your right mind and then you behave in a manner that your more sensible self would never do. That top attraction killer is clouding your judgement.

Questions to consider:

• Are you too eager to please a man that you end up doing things that are against your better judgement?
• Do you wait ‘hand and foot’ on your boyfriend?
• Have you compromised your once-held values on sexual purity?
• Are you pursuing someone else’s boyfriend, fiancé or husband?

3) You change who you are.

You morph into a different person to please a man who has caught your attention. Unknowingly, you become the woman that you think he wants. You’re not into sports and suddenly, you become the biggest sports fan. You pretend that sports has always been your favorite hobby. His favorite foods are now your favorites. You dislike classical music, but now you have a ‘Classical’ music playlist that only gets playtime when he’s in your presence. You dress only in the way that you think he likes.

Furthermore, you always agree with him, even if your personal views are different from his. In essence, you’ve lost your identity. It’s exhilarating to meet someone who has similar interests, but no man wants to marry a female-version of himself. That’s way too boring. Besides, if you don’t like and value yourself, why should anyone else enjoy being with you?

Questions to consider:

• Do you hide the real you when you’re with someone?
• Do you change your entire appearance to please a man?
• Are you always agreeing with the man in whom you’re interested?
• Do you change who you are to be with a guy?
• Have you begun to wear revealing clothing so that men will see your sexiness?
• Do you send him suggestive/nude photos of yourself?
• Are you afraid to disagree with someone that you like?
• Do you enjoy your own company?

4) You don’t have a life.

If you are constantly available to a guy, it means that you have no life apart from him. When he messages you, you respond with the speed of lightning. When he calls you, you’re always available to chat. Whenever he asks to go out with you ‘today for tomorrow’, you always have time. Ladies, you’re setting up yourself for being taken for granted. No one will adore a woman who has no life of her own or whose whole life is centered around him (unless he’s a controlling insecure man). Read ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Questions to consider:

Do you …

• Message the new guy in your life too frequently?
• Constantly check your phone to see if he has messaged you?
• Try to never miss a phone call from him?
• Change your plans whenever he calls last-minute to go out with you?
• Convince yourself that you’re in a relationship with a man who has not clearly declared his intentions?

I went to a Christian concert and I met a guy. Without a doubt, I wasn’t romantically interested in him, but I didn’t mind being his friend. I checked his profile on Facebook and I noticed that we had about 15 mutual friends comprising persons who I trust. Therefore, I thought it was safe to give him my phone number. Within 2 hours (or less) after the concert, the guy called me 4 times! What madness! I was annoyed to say the least. Desperation in both sexes is repulsive. Undoubtedly, it is a top attraction killer.

5) You are overly obsessed with getting married.

Marriage can become an idol for single women. Most of us begin dreaming about our wedding and marriage from a young age. A friend’s teenage daughter already has several Pinterest boards dedicated to her wedding. When these dreams are not realized, we can become desperate. Does your happiness depend on your relationship status? At times, it is natural to feel frustrated and disappointed about your unmet desire, but your desire for marriage should not dominate your entire life and emotions. Check out ‘5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful’ and ‘Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it‘.

“Anything I put before my God is an idol.
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.
Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.
Anything that I give all my love is an idol.
We must not worship something that’s not even worth it.
Clear the stage and make some space for the one who deserves it.
Cause I can sing all I want to.
Yes I can sing all I want to
I can sing all I want to
And still get it wrong, worship is more than a song.”
Lyrics excerpt from the song ‘Clear the Stage’ by Ross King

Questions to consider:

• Has marriage become an idol in your life?
• If you never got married, would you be happy and content?
• If God never gave you the gift of a spouse, would you turn your back on Him and rebel?
• Has singleness led you to be disobedient to God?

In Exodus 20:3 (KJV), it is written, “You shall have no other gods before Me.” A man could never ever fully satisfy us. Only God can. As single Christian woman, you need to know that marriage is not the reason for your existence. Jesus is.

I’m very familiar with the torturous feelings of desperation. At times, your emotions can be so intense that you need more than will power to act wisely with a guy that you like. In “Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman”, I have shared with you what you can do get rid of this monster of desperation that is your top attraction killer.

What is your story? Have you ever felt so desperate that you lost all sense of reason? What are other clues that a woman (or man) is desperate for a relationship? I would love to hear your views. Comment below and subscribe to get my weekly email tips to help strengthen your relationship with God and others in your life. I love interacting with my subscribers. As an added bonus, when you subscribe, you receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. I look forward to continuing the conversation via email.

Comment, Share & Subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It appeared first on Petals Bloom.