Your best friend tells you that she thinks ‘Sam’ likes you. You are elated at this revelation. Every time you see him, your heart does a happy dance. You have been observing him for some time now and your admiration for him is growing. Could he be the ‘One’? Can you keep your confidence intact?

“Sam” makes a move…hooray!

‘Sam’ finally had the courage to ask you for your phone number so you willingly give it to him. Finally, the ball is beginning to roll! The former slightly-desperate you would naively destroy the relationship before it has any real chance of blossoming. But the new confident you wants to be wiser in your interactions with all men, especially ‘Sam’.

How should you proceed? How do you strike the delicate balance of showing your interest in ‘Sam’ while giving ‘Sam’ the opportunity and privilege of pursuing you?

Before you proceed …

If you have been acting desperately in the past, you can be comforted that your future interactions with men can be different and healthier. (If you’re not sure if you’re desperate at times, check out “The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It” ). But you need to renew your mind and behave like a confident woman of God (check out “Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman”).

Here are some practical pointers to keep your confidence intact as you interact with ‘Sam’:

1. Don’t be so eager to respond.

Since you have a life other than being available to him 24/7, don’t always respond immediately to his messages like if your phone is an extension of your body. Sometimes you can respond and sometimes you simply can’t.

As a matter of fact, try to place the phone away from you from time to time throughout the day. Put a restriction on yourself on how often you will check your phone. We have to be radical at times. Don’t appear desperate, but rather keep your confidence intact.

2. Occupy your time and mind.

When you’re at home during your free time, watch a movie; read a good book; do a hair treatment; do your nails; take an online course; call a friend to catch up; memorize Scripture; write a mini e-book; exercise; or do anything to have your thoughts otherwise engaged. Don’t spend all your time anxiously awaiting his phone call or his messages.

3. You need sufficient notice.

If he wants to go out with you, you need sufficient notice for this to happen… no ‘today for tomorrow’. Since you have a life apart from him, you’ll need to schedule him in. You can’t drop all your plans just to be available for a man.

If he wants more of your time, he’ll need to take the relationship to another level. Don’t give too much of yourself so quickly and so easily. Let the man do some work! Keep your confidence up!

“That which we obtain too easily we esteem too lightly.” Thomas Paine

4. Be patient and joyful.

If he takes long (in your estimation) to respond to your messages, don’t take it personally. He’s probably busy saving the world:) Choose to think well of him so that when you speak with him, you sound sincerely joyful and not annoyed.

You cannot fake it. If you’re upset, your voice and words will betray you. Being too intense will certainly prematurely kill any interest that he has in you.

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.” Proverbs 16:32

5. Avoid the marriage talk.

Don’t bring up marriage and what you will name your children in initial conversations with him. You’re now getting to know him. He might turn out to be a psycho. You don’t know him well enough to conclude if you want to marry him. Let him be the one to bring up marriage with you. Don’t appear too eager or desperate. Keep your confidence intact!

6. Keep your heart opened to others.

If he hasn’t declared his intentions directly to you, do not believe that he’s the one for you. He may or may not be so I wouldn’t recommend setting your heart on him just yet. Keep your mind and heart open to other good eligible men.

I have seen too many women focused on a man, who has given them no commitment and in time, he marries someone else. If a man is really interested in you, he will make his intentions known. You’re not a mind-reader.

Also, don’t allow yourself to be ‘his time-filler’ until he meets the woman of his dreams. You’re too special to allow yourself to be used like that.

7. Resist dreaming about your wedding day with him.

When you find yourself thinking about your future with him as your husband and walking down the aisle toward him, you need to do a brain switch immediately.

Think about something that is unrelated, but something that interests or excites you – your future vacation, your work project, your cutie pie nephew…anything to get your mind from going to dreamland about your future with him. An excellent resource is “Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” by Dr. Caroline Leaf.

8. Smile often and enjoy yourself.

Did you know that someone can tell if you are smiling on the other end of the phone? It makes a difference in the way you sound. The next time that you speak with your love interest (or anyone for that matter), try smiling when you’re on the phone. It’ll make a difference.

9. Don’t smother him.

Give him some breathing space. You don’t have to be in his presence 24/7. You don’t need to make him feel guilty because he wants to spend time with his friends. As a matter of fact, you want to encourage him to have strong relationships with other godly men because ‘iron sharpens iron’ (Proverbs 27:17).

Whether you’re in the early stages of a relationship or engaged to be married, you both need to have other interests and other relationships that add value to your life.

10. Make time for your other relationships.

Don’t neglect your other key relationships with God, your friends and your family to focus completely on him. God has placed you in community so that you can blossom into a purposeful healthy grounded woman. No one man can provide all that you need to prosper in every area of your life.

A woman could possess external beauty, but yet behave like a desperate woman when she interacts with men. As you begin to value who you are, your desirability will increase. Keep your confidence level up!

A truly confident woman of God knows her worth and she acts accordingly. Her value is not based on her outward appearance or her sexual appeal, but her depth of character and strength which comes from her dependence on God.

Do you keep your confidence intact when a man begins to pursue you? If you’re around confident women of God, what have you observed about their interactions with men? I would love to hear your opinion or observations.

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With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

“Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” by Dr. Caroline Leaf

“Fascinating Girl” by Helen Andelin

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