6 Lies About Sex Before Marriage (and the Truth)

Simone and Harry have differing views about sex before marriage.  Harry believes that sex should be reserved for marriage.  On the other hand, Simone has been involved sexually with several former boyfriends before coming to Christ.  To her, she’s wondering if the Biblical standard is still relevant in today’s progressive society.  Adding to her confusion is the fact that some of her single Christian friends are having sex.

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Ephesians 5:3

In the past, it was clear to the average follower of Jesus that sex should be reserved for marriage.  However, doubts are beginning to rise among Christians, young and old alike.  The truth is being overshadowed by lies as you are being perpetually bombarded by the media which glorifies premarital sex and persuasive influencers who purport contrary standards.

Sex is absolutely beautiful and the best sex can only be experienced when you follow the instruction manual of its maker … God.  Just read the Song of Songs and see how marvellous and important sex is!

Here are 6 ridiculous lies about sex before marriage and the truth that counteracts them:

#1: Everybody’s doing it.

The Truth: There are many single women (and men) who still embrace sexual purity today.

Some are too shy to admit it (unfortunately), but they are there.  Before I got married, I unapologetically cherished my virginity.  No human being could have made me feel ashamed about it.  My husband was also a virgin too! 💃🏽 

Furthermore, there are a growing number of single women who have committed themselves to refrain sexually even though they have had sex in the past.  I salute them!  Clearly, not all of us have caved into the pressures of society.  It actually takes more guts to not give into sexual pressure than it does to follow your flesh and peer pressure.  

I don’t know why some people think we should behave like dogs in heat?!?  Ladies, we are made a little lower than the angels, crowned with glory and honor (Psalm 8:5).  Let us act accordingly to our nature of royalty.

#2: I’ll remain single if I don’t give in.

The Truth: Giving your body prematurely is no guarantee that you’ll get married sooner than a woman who is a virgin. 

It just doesn’t work that way.  Virgins get married and sexually-experienced women get married alike.  If any man is pressuring you for sex, he’s either not a Christian or a carnal one.  You don’t want to be with either of them! 

Perhaps, if you remain single all your remaining days, you’ll actually be in a better position if you have had no sexual experiences.  Once the sexual appetite has been opened, it’s very difficult to keep it closed (but not impossible).  His grace and power enables all of us to be holy despite our experiences. 

#3: I’m missing out on pleasure.

The Truth: You’ll have a lot more pleasure if you save sex for after marriage!

God created sex and everything He created is good.  Sex is no exception.  But anything used outside it’s intended use becomes an abuse and abuse is never pretty.  If you save sex for marriage, you’ll experience pleasure with your husband without sharing your marriage bed with “Joe” and “Peter” (former lovers).  

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4

#4: It will show if my boyfriend and I are compatible. 

The Truth: Having sex with your boyfriend is not a reliable test for compatibility.  

A man could have an amazing sexual experience with a prostitute, but he probably would not think that it was a match made in heaven!  For those who want to compare you with a car, you are not a car and you do not need a test run.  Undoubtedly, anybody could have sex, but not everyone has what it takes to build a lasting healthy marriage.

A good foundation for a Christian marriage is faith in Jesus Christ and a commitment to follow Him wholeheartedly.  Great sex before marriage does not make that list.  

Essentially, a Christian marriage should reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.  You cannot experience true intimacy with Christ before being saved.  Similarly, a man cannot experience true and full intimacy with you, without lawfully making you his wife.  Don’t short change yourself.  Ignore those who tell you otherwise!

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; …” Psalm 1:1

#5: It will produce intimacy between my boyfriend and me.

The Truth: Sex does not produce lasting intimacy between a couple.

The hormone “oxytocin” (cuddle hormone) is released in the woman and she wants to bond.  On the other hand, the main hormone released in a man is “dopamine” (pleasure hormone) and he wants more sex.  Also, according to Dr. Patricia Love in “The Truth About Love”, the chemical cocktail that produces the feeling of intimacy during sex lasts only 24 hours!  Therefore, verbal and emotional communication will do a much better job of building lasting intimacy with you and your boyfriend than sex.

#6: It is impossible to remain a virgin the older you get.  

The Truth:  Regardless of your age, sexual morality is the call for every true follower of Jesus Christ.

As a Christian, you live by God’s standards and not by the world’s.  You seek to obey and please Christ first and foremost.  What might be impossible to an unbeliever is possible for you because you have the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God working in and through you.  Furthermore, you have self-control which is a part of the fruit of the Spirit.

Society might pressure single Christians to conform, but little is shared about the negative consequences of choosing to go against God’s wisdom.  As the saying goes, “misery likes company.”  Even if a person has no sign of misery, they will never experience God’s best for sex if they choose to go against the author’s original design of HIS creation.  Without a doubt, sex is not man-made.

Here are some reasons why God wisely designed sex for AFTER marriage:

• To provide you with the best sexual experience possible;
• To reflect the intimacy between Christ and the Church;
• For a husband and wife to experience true oneness and sexual fulfillment with each other;
• To prevent soul ties with men that you should not be with (an unbeliever or a man you should not marry); 
• To have no or little sexual pressures if you were to remain single;
• For children to be born in the stability of a marriage;
• To filter out flesh-controlled men from Spirit-filled men;
• To protect single women (and single men) from guilt; sexually transmitted diseases; untimely pregnancies; feelings of unworthiness; weighty burdens of single parenting; low self-esteem; and the like.

Summary

Sex within marriage is absolutely beautiful, exciting and pleasurable. Outside of marriage, it is still pleasurable but only in the moment.  If you never have sex, would that be the absolute worst thing that could happen to you in this very short life?  

Ladies, let’s value experiencing God beyond pleasing our flesh.  He’s better at satisfying us than anyone else on this earth and certainly better than sex before marriage!

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18

The enemy of our souls tries to pollute sex in every possible way through pornography, masturbation; cyber sex; sexting; orgies; fornication; adultery and the list goes on.  As a result, many people will never experience the full beauty of sex in the way God originally intended. 

As Christian women, let us reclaim the beauty of sex and our amazing sexuality by resisting prevailing lies and replace them with the truth of God’s character and His unchanging Word.

To recap, here are 6 ridiculous lies about sex before marriage:

• #1: Everybody’s doing it.
• #2: I’ll remain single if I don’t give in.
• #3: I’m missing out on pleasure.
• #4: It will show if my boyfriend and I are compatible. 
• #5: It will produce intimacy between my boyfriend and me.
• #6: It is impossible to remain a virgin the older you get.  

What other lies have been perpetuated by society related to sex before marriage?  How has it impacted your views of sex?  Comment below!  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth