It has been 18 years since Jessica was in her first relationship which was not so great. But, like most little girls, she dreamed of being married one day. She’s an attractive woman, but she is yet to find a godly man who suits her well. While she waits, she’s growing in her relationship with God; serving her church; and thriving in her job. In recent times, she’s beginning to wonder if she is ready to even share her space with a husband. Has she gotten too comfortable being single?
I understand the fears that Jessica faces. When my first serious relationship failed, I was expecting to meet my future husband within a few years after the engagement ended. But one year moved to two years, then 5 years, then 10 years and nada! So naturally, I began to be very comfortable with my singleness, although I never gave up my desire for marriage.
But when I realised that Jon, my now husband, and I were becoming very serious, I remember being fearful when it was becoming serious. I asked myself questions like, “Do I really want to give up my singleness for marriage?!?” It was scary. I had really become so comfortable with being single.
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For me, I made up my mind that I will give up my singleness and marry Jon and I would say that we have a good marriage.
Before I talk about your options when a good man were to come your way, let’s discuss the signs that you’re too comfortable with being single:
Here are five signs that you have gotten too comfortable being single:
1) You prefer to live alone.
When you’re too comfortable being single, you prefer NOT to share your space with anyone… not your sibling, not your best friend, and not even your parents if you can help it. But you have room for your dog, your cat and your pet fish!
You want to live in peace and quiet where everything is in place according to your liking. You don’t have to clean or cook if you don’t want to. No one is around to make your place untidy if you’re a neat freak. There’s no one to have an argument with. No one can mess up with your schedule and your systems.
When you walk into your home, you kick off your shoes, breathe a sigh of contentment as you enter your home and everything is just the way you left it. When you remember you have a leftover slice of your favourite dessert in the refrigerator, you know for certain that no one else has eaten it.
Oh the bliss of the single life! Remaining single is becoming increasingly appealing.
2) You care less and less about your looks.
If you were to observe a single young woman in her twenties, with a healthy self-esteem and who has an interest in marriage, she is generally into looking her best. Attracting the opposite sex is high on her agenda. When she has to do out, all the following boxes must be checked:
- Hair ✔️
- Finger nails ✔️
- Toe nails ✔️
- Eyelashes ✔️
- Outfit ✔️
- Matching accessories ✔️
- Perfume ✔️
On the other hand, a woman who has lost interest in marriage or slowly losing hope will not place as much effort into her looks. Look around you and I am certain you will see many examples.
3) You stay in your comfort zone.
You feel most comfortable in the following places:
- Your home
- Your workplace
- Your place of worship
- Your closest friends’ homes
- You surround yourself with the same people – your family, your closest friends, and your church family.
Basically, you go to the same places and see the same people on repeat! You say to yourself, “If God wants you to meet someone, God will bring him to you.”
4) You’re too busy for a relationship.
Your career, hobbies, travel and/or ministry are your priorities. You have no time or room for a man in your life. Whatever free time you have remaining, it’s for sleeping.
5) You have stopped preparing for marriage.
Since you have resigned yourself to remaining single, you’re not interested in relationship coaching, seminars on relationships, single meetups to meet men, viewing or listening to relationship-related content and the like. You think to yourself, “What else can I learn that I don’t already know?”
Let me share a little about my own story …
After my first relationship ended, I was single for 13 years before I met Jonathan, my husband. I became very comfortable with my single life, enjoying my independence, traveling, and making my own decisions. I even had a moment of fear about giving up those benefits when John entered my life.
However, we humans are adaptable. If you are willing to be flexible, you will adapt. I chose marriage and embraced the unfamiliar, and six years later, I have no regrets.
When a good man comes along after a long period of singleness, you generally have three options:
1) Embrace him.
You can choose to embrace this man as a gift from God—his quirks, his weaknesses, and his strengths. You can choose to embrace oneness; choose to embrace the unfamiliar; choose to embrace the risk. It may or may not work out, but if he’s a good guy who’s serious about marriage, it’s a risk worth taking.
I promise you, you will grow and mature in ways that you didn’t know you needed if you allow God to change you through marriage.
2) Choose to remain single.
You might genuinely prefer to remain single. If, after careful consideration, you realize singleness is better for you, then embrace it fully. Therefore, choosing singleness is a valid choice as a child of God. It is easier to remain single and there are benefits to being single. This life is very short and if you decide not to get married, that is okay! Just be honest with yourself and don’t lead someone on if you’re not truly open to marriage.
3) Sabotage the relationship.
You might subconsciously find flaws, nitpick, and dismiss a potential husband due to fear of the unknown. You can end up sabotaging every relationship, with fairly good men, and then blame your singleness on God or say that there are no available good men in the church. Your community of friends and family can also offer valuable insight if you’re unintentionally rejecting good men.
My advice would be to come to terms with where you are right now. If you have grown to love being single, that is fine and make it clear to any man who tries to pursue you. In that way, you will not waste his time or yours.
Summary
Here is what you need to do …
Make up your mind
Although you have become very comfortable with being single, you need to make up your mind (SOBERLY) if you really want to give up the comforts and benefits of singleness for the blessing and challenge of being married. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God.
However, it is very unfair to allow a man to fall in love with you and at the very last minute, break his heart because you are double-minded.
Take some time and pray about this. Make up your mind.
My question to you is, “If God were to bring a wonderful godly man to you in the near future, would you be willing to give up your singleness and its comforts for him? Comment and let us know!
If this has been helpful to you and you want to get more practical relationship advice, you can get my “Irresistible Godly Woman” checklist by clicking on the link in the description. Then, you will receive my weekly newsletter with tips to help you navigate relationships.
Also, I invite you to like and subscribe to my challenge if you found my information helpful. Take care and bye!
To recap,
Here are five signs that you have gotten too comfortable being single:
- You prefer to live alone.
- You care less and less about your looks.
- You stay in your comfort zone.
- You’re too busy for a relationship.
- You have stopped preparing for marriage.
Thanks for stopping by!
#madeforlove
With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
Other Helpful Resources:
Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With
5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single
5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long
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