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The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It

What is the top attraction killer?

There seems to be a recurring theme in your life. You meet a fantastic guy. Subsequently, you hit it off (or so you think), but it quickly dies or never blossom into a committed relationship. Your friends and family think that you’re an amazing beautiful woman and wonder what is wrong with the single men around you. Are they blind?

Or is there something that you’re unknowingly doing that is short-circuiting your love life? If so, what is that top attraction killer? There could be many reasons contributing to your current single state, but the one not-so-obvious trait is DESPERATION. A state of desperation has very little to do with your physical attractiveness, intelligence, wit or your devotion to God. Many single women go through a period of desperation, spanning months or even years. Desperation acts like a ‘man repellant’. It is the top attraction killer.


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I too have gone through the desperate phase and during that time, suitors were very very few. The persons who pursued me during that time were persons in whom I had not an ounce of interest. What a dilemma… no interest from the guys you like and keen interest from those you don’t like!

The most common contributing factors of desperation:
  • You’ve experienced rejection due to a failed relationship;
  • You sense that your biological clock is quickly ticking away and there’s no husband-to-be in sight;
  • Your self-worth has been crushed due to a debilitating life event; and/or
  • You have internalized demeaning and negative insults about your self-worth from persons in your life.

Factors one and two were my culprits. It wasn’t easy, but my freedom started when I faced my desperation. Like me, you may not even be aware of your desperate behavior. However, the sooner you come to terms with this, the faster than you can overcome it and increase your level of attractiveness. Like any real breakthrough in life, you must first face the truth.

Although it might not be obvious to us, men can ‘smell’ desperation in a woman. Is this top attraction killer evident in your life?

Here are some signs to help you see if the top attraction killer is in your life:

1) You get attached too quickly.

You just met ‘Charlie’. The mutual attraction was unexplainable! Furthermore, you had several long enjoyable conversations with him. You have so much in common that it must be a match made in Heaven. You begin to daydream about your wedding day with ‘Charlie’ as your much-desired long-awaited groom. What a beautiful wedding it will be! Who should you invite?

You begin to text ‘Charlie’ every day and you get upset when he is talking too long to respond. When you see him talking to another woman, you begin to get jealous and even give him the ‘cold shoulder’. You share with your girlfriends that you and ‘Charlie’ are becoming a couple. Poor ‘Charlie’! He’s oblivious that he’s featuring in your wedding dream. To him, you’re an attractive woman, but he hardly knows you. He’s perturbed that you’re so intense. He is beginning to wonder what has happened.

Ladies, if a man doesn’t plainly express to you that he’s romantically interested in you; that he wants to be in a relationship with you; or that he wants to marry you, do not begin to fantasize about your life with him as his wife. Even the shyest man on the face of the planet will get the courage to declare his love to the woman he wants (when he’s ready). Do not take this privilege away from him. You don’t want to force a man to be with you.

Questions to consider:

Do you …

  • Find yourself fantasizing about the ‘new guy’ shortly after meeting him?
  • Think that you’re in a relationship with someone who has made no such  commitment?
  • Bring up the talk of marriage too quickly?
  • Come across as too intense?
  • Share your feelings too soon?
  • Get upset when he’s taking too long to reply to your messages?
  • Convince yourself that a guy likes you and he has made no such indications?

If you get attached too quickly, that top attraction killer is evident!

2) You’ve lost your head.

You once believed that you’ll wait until marriage for sex. But now, you’ve thrown that virtue away to please with your love interest. Perhaps, you tolerate abuse because you’re afraid of remaining single all the days of your life. When you’re desperate, you begin to compromise values and beliefs you previously held dearly. Check out ‘6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful’ and ‘7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity‘.

You do things that you never thought you’d do prior to meeting him. You begin to lose yourself and behave foolishly. I remember that I was with a male friend, who I found to be rather attractive, and his shoelace became untied. Do you know what I offered to do?!? I am ashamed to admit it but I bent down and offered to tie them …in the middle of a shopping plaza! What in the world was I thinking? Nothing was wrong with his own two hands. When you’re desperate, you don’t act in your right mind and then you behave in a manner that your more sensible self would never do. That top attraction killer is clouding your judgement.

Questions to consider:
  • Are you too eager to please a man that you end up doing things that are against your better judgement?
  • Do you wait ‘hand and foot’ on your boyfriend?
  • Have you compromised your once-held values on sexual purity?
  • Are you pursuing someone else’s boyfriend, fiancé or husband?

3) You change who you are.

You morph into a different person to please a man who has caught your attention. Unknowingly, you become the woman that you think he wants. You’re not into sports and suddenly, you become the biggest sports fan. You pretend that sports has always been your favorite hobby. His favorite foods are now your favorites. You dislike classical music, but now you have a ‘Classical’ music playlist that only gets playtime when he’s in your presence. You dress only in the way that you think he likes.

Furthermore, you always agree with him, even if your personal views are different from his. In essence, you’ve lost your identity. It’s exhilarating to meet someone who has similar interests, but no man wants to marry a female-version of himself. That’s way too boring. Besides, if you don’t like and value yourself, why should anyone else enjoy being with you?

Questions to consider:
  • Do you hide the real you when you’re with someone?
  • Do you change your entire appearance to please a man?
  • Are you always agreeing with the man in whom you’re interested?
  • Do you change who you are to be with a guy?
  • Have you begun to wear revealing clothing so that men will see your sexiness?
  • Do you send him suggestive/nude photos of yourself?
  • Are you afraid to disagree with someone that you like?
  • Do you enjoy your own company?

4) You don’t have a life.

If you are constantly available to a guy, it means that you have no life apart from him. When he messages you, you respond with the speed of lightning. When he calls you, you’re always available to chat. Whenever he asks to go out with you ‘today for tomorrow’, you always have time. Ladies, you’re setting up yourself for being taken for granted. No one will adore a woman who has no life of her own or whose whole life is centered around him (unless he’s a controlling insecure man). Read ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Questions to consider:

Do you …

  • Message the new guy in your life too frequently?
  • Constantly check your phone to see if he has messaged you?
  • Try to never miss a phone call from him?
  • Change your plans whenever he calls last-minute to go out with you?
  • Convince yourself that you’re in a relationship with a man who has not clearly declared his intentions?

I went to a Christian concert and I met a guy. Without a doubt, I wasn’t romantically interested in him, but I didn’t mind being his friend. I checked his profile on Facebook and I noticed that we had about 15 mutual friends comprising persons who I trust. Therefore, I thought it was safe to give him my phone number. Within 2 hours (or less) after the concert, the guy called me 4 times! What madness! I was annoyed to say the least. Desperation in both sexes is repulsive. Undoubtedly, it is a top attraction killer.

5) You are overly obsessed with getting married.

Marriage can become an idol for single women. Most of us begin dreaming about our wedding and marriage from a young age. A friend’s teenage daughter already has several Pinterest boards dedicated to her wedding. When these dreams are not realized, we can become desperate. Does your happiness depend on your relationship status? At times, it is natural to feel frustrated and disappointed about your unmet desire, but your desire for marriage should not dominate your entire life and emotions. Check out ‘5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful’ and ‘Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it‘.

“Anything I put before my God is an idol.
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.
Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.
Anything that I give all my love is an idol.
We must not worship something that’s not even worth it.
Clear the stage and make some space for the one who deserves it.
Cause I can sing all I want to.
Yes I can sing all I want to
I can sing all I want to
And still get it wrong, worship is more than a song.”
Lyrics excerpt from the song ‘Clear the Stage’ by Ross King

Questions to consider:
  • Has marriage become an idol in your life?
  • If you never got married, would you be happy and content?
  • If God never gave you the gift of a spouse, would you turn your back on Him and rebel?
  • Has singleness led you to be disobedient to God?

In Exodus 20:3 (KJV), it is written, “You shall have no other gods before Me.” A man could never ever fully satisfy us. Only God can. As single Christian woman, you need to know that marriage is not the reason for your existence. Jesus is.

I’m very familiar with the torturous feelings of desperation. At times, your emotions can be so intense that you need more than will power to act wisely with a guy that you like. In “Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman”, I have shared with you what you can do get rid of this monster of desperation that is your top attraction killer.

What is your story? Have you ever felt so desperate that you lost all sense of reason? What are other clues that a woman (or man) is desperate for a relationship? I would love to hear your views. Comment below and subscribe to get my weekly email tips to help strengthen your relationship with God and others in your life. I love interacting with my subscribers. As an added bonus, when you subscribe, you receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. I look forward to continuing the conversation via email.

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With love,


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Ever feel like you don’t know what a godly man is looking for in a wife? Our Irresistible Godly Woman Checklist will give you clear insights so you can stop guessing and start preparing … while reaching your full potential as a single Christian woman.