From age eleven to twenty, I was a Christian but there was no consistent growth. As a matter of fact, I had the opinion that serious Christians were too boring and prone to over-spiritualize everything. As such, I committed myself to attending only ONE church event on Sundays. I had a desire to desire in my relationship with God, but it was not my priority.
When I began university, I had no desire, whatsoever, to participate in a Christian group especially a group where the meetings resembled a church service. Then, I was approached by a Christian group that offered me the opportunity to discuss the claims of Christ and to participate in a Bible Study. Truthfully, I signed up out of duty and not out of zeal.
I faithfully attended the weekly Bible Study and I was learning, but still I wasn’t growing much. I avoided any further involvement.
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Then, a great change occurred. You would never guess what God used! A hike! The club had a hike and I enthusiastically agreed to go. For the first time in my life, I enjoyed being around other Christians. They were down-to-earth, fun, witty and I had the time of my life. After that hike, I willingly participated in nearly everything the club was having. I went from being on the “borders” to a leader in the twinkling of an eye.😂
My transformation did not come only from mere attendance at club meetings (although enjoying their company was important for me to actually attend other meetings!), but I was exposed to teachings, experiences and relationships that changed my paradigm.
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Here are 8 proven steps to steadily grow in your relationship with God:
1) Belong to a healthy Christian Community.
Every growing Christian woman needs to belong to a Christian community where she is known, loved and valued. If your church is large and you are more or less invisible, then you need to also intentionally seek out a smaller community (like a small home group or care group or discipleship group or prayer group). You need people around you who know what is happening in your life so that they can help you. An alone Christian is a weak vulnerable Christian, where the enemy will be sure to attack.
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25
Evidences of a healthy Christian community:
- Accepts and loves you as you are;
- Challenges you to grow and follow Jesus wholeheartedly;
- Encourages righteous living and does not celebrate or ignore sinful behavior or attitudes;
- Advises you based on the Word of God;
- Values repentance and forgiveness;
- Encourages freedom to disagree and offers constructive criticism;
- Values vulnerability and transparency;
- Focuses on helping and serving others;
- Shows the importance of depending on the Holy Spirit;
- Facilitates the development of leaders;
- Offers opportunities for serving others using your gifts and talents;
- Teaches the Word of God unapologetically.
There is no perfect Christian community, but a healthy community can produce mature Christians.
2) Choose to have close Christian friends.
“Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.”
The people with whom you spend time influence you slowly but surely. The reverse is also true. If you want to steadily grow in your relationship with God, trust God for close Christian friends whose primary focus is loving and living for Jesus.
“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20
Some benefits of close Christian friends:
- You will be surrounded by people who will lift you up in prayer (you most definitely need this!).
- Friends who are committed to telling you the truth when you don’t want to hear it;
- Friends who have the Holy Spirit within them so God can give them special insights into your circumstances;
- People who will give you solid biblical advice when you need it;
- People who will challenge you to live courageously for Christ.
- Friends who will stick with you even when others give up on you.
3) Get a discipler/mentor.
Being discipled has changed my life! As you read at the beginning, I went to church regularly, but my life didn’t change much. However, I saw a steady growth when I began being discipled by three young women during my university years.
True biblical discipleship is not a Bible study, but it goes beyond that. It is simply another Christian woman coming alongside you; sharing her life with you (her ups, downs and mundane times); teaching you Biblical principles as she lives it; showing you the “ropes” and challenging you to live for Christ. You will learn a lot more if you practically see another Christian demonstrating following Christ before your very eyes.
“More is caught than taught.”
Qualities you need in a discipler/mentor:
- A woman who is willing to be vulnerable and transparent with you;
- She must love the Lord and be committed to following Him;
- She should be seeking to be obedient to God;
- A woman who is willing to spend time with you and share her life with you.
- She must be confidential.
- Although she’s not perfect, she is willing to pass unto to you what she has been/is learning from the Lord.
- She will pray for you.
4) Guard Your Heart.
A lot of Christians believe that they can take in anything and it will not affect them. Your entire body is interconnected and what you read, listen to or think about will subtlety influence your mindset and therefore, your entire life. They will affect your views, your mood, your sleep, your joy, your peace, your relationships and the like.
Take some time to evaluate everything that you allow to enter into your mind. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you insight as to their impact and to help you to give up what you need to.
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23
5) Discipling others.
I’ve been involved in Christian ministry for over twenty years and I’ve observed a sad reality. Most people want someone to help them to grow. However, very few people want to help others grow. Interestingly, the people who decide to help others to grow usually are the ones who grow more.
“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” Matthew 28:19-20
True discipleship takes time, effort, commitment and love to nurture another Christian to the path of maturity for a period of time.
“If you keep on taking in and not giving out, you will suffer from spiritual constipation.” One of my former disciplers
If you want to grow in your relationship with God, pass on what you learn to other people. As such, my challenge to you is to disciple other young women.
“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20:35
6) Developing an active prayer life.
Simply put, prayer is talking with God. Make a habit of talking with God throughout your day. Additionally, reserve some undistracted time to sing praises to Him, pray and listen to what He might be saying to you. God talks and directs in many ways, but most importantly, if it is from God, it will line up with the Word of God. Furthermore, I would suggest that you form or join a prayer group.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6
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7) Knowing and living the Word.
Reading, studying, memorizing and meditating on the Word will transform your life from inside to outside and grow your relationship with God. A survey was conducted by the Center for Bible Study Engagement among 40,000 people (ages 8 to 80) about the effect of engaging with Scripture on the respondents’ lives based on the number of times a respondent spent time in the Word of God.
The following insights were revealed:
- 1 time per week = negligible effect on some key areas in life (read key areas below)
- 2 times per week = negligible effect on some key areas in life
- 3 times per week = blip on the map
- 4 times per week = spike off the charts (radical change begins to take place)
This is what happens when a person engages with the Bible four times or more per week:
- Feeling lonely drops 30%.
- Anger issues drop 32%.
- Bitterness in relationships (marriage, relationship with children, etc.) drops 40%.
- Alcoholism drops 57%.
- Feeling spiritually stagnant drops 60%
- Viewing pornography drops 61%.
- Sharing your faith jumps up to 200%.
- Discipling others jumps to 230%
It was noted that there was no gradual effect from 1 time to 4 times, but a big change came after people spent time in the Word 4 times or more per week!
Here are some suggestions to make this a reality in your life:
- Following a Bible reading plan. There are tons of plans on the Internet.
- Memorizing Scripture by yourself or with a friend.
- Listening to an audio version of the Bible when you’re doing chores or commuting.
- Regularly attending church (even if it’s virtually).
- Participating in a cell group or small group (or similar community).
- Singing the Word.
- Dramatizing the Word.
“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
Of course, this will have little or no effect if knowledge is not accompanied by obedience. Obedience is key to growing in your relationship with God.
“Trust and obey, for there’s no other way To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.” Song lyrics by Don Moen
8) Depending on the Holy Spirit.
The sooner you learn to be dependent on the Holy Spirit to live the Christian life, the more successful you will be in your desire to grow in your relationship with God. No amount of will power will be sufficient to overcome the flesh. I wish I had known this truth sooner! With true biblical Christianity, God is not merely concerned about your external religious practices, but He wants to change you deep within.
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16
Related articles:
9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray
How to Spend Time with God Every Day AND Enjoy It!
Summary
As you surrender to Christ daily and learn to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to live the Christian life, the impossible becomes possible as your heart changes, your faith grows and Jesus becomes the center of your being.
In what ways has your life changed since becoming a Christian? What steps have you taken to grow in your relationship with God? Comment below so that our younger sisters in Christ can be encouraged to grow. Thanks for stopping by!
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With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
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