You’ve been in a relationship for a while. There has been talk about marriage, but you’re not sure if you should marry him. Or, you might already be in the process of planning a wedding and you’re wondering if you’re making the right decision in marrying “Peter”.

Since marriage is one of the most life-altering decisions you’ll ever make, it is important that you think very soberly about it.

Here are 4 questions to know if you should marry him:

1. Are there signs of abuse?

Marriage will not change him. As a matter of fact, after marriage, the abuse will probably worsen. If you were to conduct a survey among spouses in abusive marriages, they will tell you that abuse increased. You need to love yourself and love God more than you love this man.

The man that you’re with is damaged and you cannot fix him. He needs God, counselling, godly male role models, truth, deliverance and NOT a wife (at this time of his life). Right now, he does not have the capacity to love a woman as Christ loves the church. Again, I repeat, you cannot change him!

2. Has your father/mother told you that marrying him is not a good idea?

I cannot count the number of times I have heard a person in a struggling or failed marriage say that their father/mother, especially the father, told them that he/she should not marry the person. When we are in love, we can rarely see the warning signs. It may not be a case of poor character, but simply that they do not see the “fit”. However, we need to give prayerful attention to the disapproval of close family members.

Please have a conversation with your relative and find out why he/she thinks that your pending marriage is a bad idea. And pray like crazy! If you sincerely believe that your match is “made in heaven”, take your time and give your relative the opportunity to get to know your boyfriend/fiancé better. Trust that God will either change their heart or open your eyes to what might happen if you go ahead with the marriage.

It is such a fantastic blessing to have good relationships with your in-laws! Please do not minimize the influence of in-laws on marital harmony.

3. Do you respect him?

ALL men desire respect from the women they love. You are no exception to this. If you do not sincerely respect him for who he is, then marrying him is not a wise decision. Over time, your disrespect will become more and more obvious.

It will show in:

• Your lack of sexual interest in him.
• Your inability or your difficulty to speak words of affirmation to him.
• The way you directly speak to him (for instance, with sarcasm, aggression, ignoring his opinions, lack of consideration for him, etc.)
• What you tell others about him.
• The way you treat him in front of your future children.

Your disrespect for him will become evident, sooner or later.

If you have a challenge in respecting men in general, then this is a matter of the heart or a faulty mindset. Right now, you’re not in a position to be in a relationship with any man. I would advise that you take a break from all romantic relationships; seek counselling; allow the Word of God to renew your mind; read books; and allow God to work on your heart and change your mind about men.

However, if you have no problem in respecting men on a whole but you do not respect your boyfriend/fiancé, then you may need to prayerfully consider walking away from this relationship. Proceeding to the altar will not be advantageous to any of you.

NOTE:

If after marriage, you begin to lose respect for your husband, the solution is not a divorce. Go to God and ask him to show you the root of this disrespect; seek the counsel of wise spiritually-grounded friends; pray for your heart that God soften it toward him; pray for your husband and the weaknesses you see; and go into God’s Word regularly so that God can reveal your own pride and failings of which you need to repent.

4. Can you support his purpose, goals and dreams?

God has called us, women, to be a man’s helpmeet. If you cannot see yourself supporting and helping the man that you’re with, then you should not marry him. A husband needs the support of his wife. He needs a woman who will pray for his endeavours; who will give an encouraging word when he is discouraged about his purpose; who will be excited about his accomplishments and help in any way she can; and even warn him of danger.

If you are currently annoyed and despise his career choice or his dreams or what he believes is God’s purpose for him, then leave him alone. God just might bring another woman who will be a better complimentary fit for him than you are.

Summary

Before you say “I do”, you need to be sober-minded about if you should marry him. It is infinitely better to face the shame of a cancelled wedding and to lose the money already spent than walking into a marriage that you might live to regret.

However, if you do decide to go ahead and marry him, please know that God will honour your marriage. Also, if two people are willing to change and die to self to please the other, nearly every marriage has a fighting chance.

Are you having any reservations about a guy that you’re dating, engaged to or have your eyes on? What are they? Comment below.

If you are not in a relationship right now, you need to consider the above issues before you commit your heart to a man.

To recap,

Here are 4 questions to know if you should marry him:

1. Are there signs of abuse?
2. Has your father/mother told you that marrying him is not a good idea?
3. Do you respect him?
4. Can you support his purpose, goals and dreams?

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

6 Revealing Signs Your Relationship is Going Nowhere

5 Tests to Know If He’s the One 

4 Benefits to Ending a Relationship 

Recommended Books:

Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar

Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control byElisabeth Elliot 

Givers, Takers And Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell 

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