You and “Jane” have been best friends for years. Your friendship has been through many tests, but both of you have risen above the challenges and your friendship has been sealed forever or so you thought.
Then, “Jim” enters the scene. You and “Jane” have been praying for years for “Jane” (and yourself) to meet your complimentary fits. He’s an answer to prayer.
Sincerely, you are elated for “Jane”, but a little part of you is saddened. You’re wondering what will happen to your friendship when your best friend gets married. Does this mean that you will lose your best friend? Can you keep your friendship alive?
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My story
In “8 Crucial Mindsets for Having a Female Best Friend”, I mentioned my closest female friend “Ruth”. In the time when our friendship was developing, she got married. I never saw her marriage as a threat to our friendship. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite occurred. Her marriage gave both of us more opportunities to grow our relationship.
Hence, you do not have to suffer the loss of a close relationship when your best friend gets married. As such, there is no need to look for another best friend who is single like you. Of course, if your friend’s husband doesn’t like you, then that will pose a challenge.
Here are 6 tips to handle when your best friend gets married:
1) Choose to be flexible and available.
After God, your friend’s husband is her next order of priority. As the single person in the friendship, you will naturally have more available time and greater flexibility.
This would mean that you might be the one to visit their home more often (the husband has to be okay with that). If you and “Jane” had lots of sleep-overs in the past, say “goodbye” to that arrangement.
Instead of resenting your friend’s new commitment to her spouse, you can choose to help strengthen their union.
An example
I remember a time when it was my friend’s husband’s (“Charlie”) birthday. So “Ruth”, another friend “Ally” and I cooked a meal. Then, we turned the house into a little restaurant and “Ally” and I became the waitresses. We all had fun putting the event together.
2) Become friends with her husband.
“…’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Mark 10:7-9
Your friend is no longer single, but her and her husband are now “one” in the eyes of God. Therefore, if your desire is to remain close friends with “Jane”, then it logically follows that you also need to be friends with her husband.
If you successfully accomplish this, you would have gained a friend and a brother.
“Ruth’s” husband “Charlie” considers me his sister and I see him as my brother. He looks out for my best interests. Whenever I wanted the opinion of a wise man regarding the eligibility of a suitor, he was always there to give me sound biblical counsel. Imagine the void in my life if I didn’t have his friendship!
3) Always respect their marriage covenant.
As with any close relationship, you will see when your friend is hurting. Because of your loyalty to your closest female friend, you might be tempted to take her side. Even if “Jim” is truly following Jesus and seeking to please Him, he will not be perfect.
He will hurt your friend at times and she will, in no doubt, hurt him also. As such, I have found it best to pray and support my friend’s marriage.
It will be immature and unloving to give your friend’s husband the “cold shoulder”, disrespect him or give him the silent treatment when the couple is having marital challenges. That will never be helpful to your friendship or their marriage.
4) Have healthy boundaries with her husband.
There should never be a reason for “Jane” to suspect that you’re trying to steal her husband’s affection. Please ensure that you have proper boundaries with her husband.
Tips for keeping healthy boundaries:
- Dress modestly.
- Don’t run from the bathroom to the guest room in a towel or your underwear (if the bathroom is not within the room).
- Don’t have secret counseling sessions with your friend’s husband.
- Please do not flirt with him under any circumstances!
5) Develop friendships with other single women.
Now that your friend is married, she will have less time to hang out with you. Therefore, you need to develop friendships with other single women who are as free as you are.
Besides “Ruth”, I always had other single female friends with whom I would go to the movies or try out new restaurants or attend a retreat.
6) Become the best aunty (and free babysitter).
When children arrive, your friends need your help. As a single woman, you have the privilege of being the best aunty to your friends’ children.
You can either resent it and feel used. Or your can see it as an opportunity to serve; to learn about parenting for your time in the future; and to invest in tomorrow’s future influencers. It’s all about perspective.
If you care about your friends’ marriage, you can provide the babysitting so that they can have dates as a couple.
Related articles:
8 Crucial Mindsets for Having a Female Best Friend
How to Carefully Choose a Close Female Friend | 5 Tips.
Summary
When your best friend becomes a wife and you remain single, circumstances do change. However, it can become an even more beautiful friendship between you, your friend, her husband and their future children.
Your status might move from “best friend” to “closest female friend”, but you’re still important to her.
In essence, a marriage does not have to be the end of a close friendship. However, you both have to be willing to change and be intentional about keeping the friendship alive.
Here are the 6 tips to keeping your friendship alive when marriage enters the picture:
- Choose to be flexible and available.
- Become friends with her husband.
- Always respect their marriage covenant.
- Have healthy boundaries with her husband.
- Develop friendships with other single women.
- Become the best aunty (and free babysitter).
What has been your challenge when your friend got married? For those of you whose best friends are married, what do you do to nurture the friendship? What changes did you have to make? Do you have any advice for the other ladies? Please share your experience and words of wisdom with us.
One of the best things you can do to strengthen any relationship is to become emotionally healthy. Where do you stand? Get your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist and evaluate yourself.
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With love,
Kimberly
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