Angela has never had sex with a man. She has grown up in a Christian church and at a young age, she decided to choose celibacy. She feels very good about this decision and believes that she is positioning herself for many blessings from God.
Does Angela have the right motivation for choosing celibacy?
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Here are 4 really poor reasons for choosing celibacy:
Reason 1: God will reward you with an awesome husband if you are celibate.
When I got married, I was told that I deserved to be married to a wonderful man because I had been faithful to God. I understood and appreciated the sentiments of my well-wishers. However, in the back of my mind, I felt that God did not owe me anything. I was not entitled to a husband. His gift of salvation was already much more than I even deserved. Any other blessing given to me was “icing on the cake” because of His grace and not an entitlement.
Similarly, a Christian woman might feel that choosing celibacy is a prerequisite for God to grant her the husband of her dreams. The truth is that neither you nor I am entitled to particular blessings from God because of celibacy.
“For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” Matthew 19:12
In God’s wisdom, He may or may not bless you with a husband. It does not mean that you are being punished or that God loves you less than your married friends. Regardless of His reasons, His heart toward you will always be good and kind, even when you do not understand. Therefore, even if you choose celibacy, you may remain single. Ultimately, God wants to draw you closer to Himself and your singleness might be the tool He chooses to use.
“Anything that makes us need God is a blessing.” Nancy Leigh DeMoss-Wolgemuth
Additionally, some Christian women who long to be married might actually be happier remaining single!
Reason 2: Choosing celibacy will ensure that you make it into Heaven.
Choosing celibacy is not a ticket to get you into Heaven. There is only one way to get to Heaven and that is trusting in Jesus Christ to save you from your sins and accepting Him as your personal Lord and Savior.
When you became a Christian by giving your life to Jesus Christ, then the reason for choosing celibacy is because you’re in a loving relationship with a pure and holy God. As such, your motivation for being celibate should be out of love. Choosing celibacy will reflect your new nature and your commitment to live according to God’s original plan for sex in marriage.
While choosing celibacy is a praise-worthy discipline, it cannot get you into Heaven. If you’re not sure where you stand with God, please check out “How to Know God Personally”.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9
Reason 3: You will be more valuable than other sexually-experienced single Christian women.
A Christian woman who is a virgin is not more valuable to God than a Christian single woman who has a sexual past. Both have repented of their sins and are new creatures in the sight of God. As such, God values both women equally. Although the sexually experienced single woman may have issues to deal with that the Christian virgin might not have, God is the one who is willing and able to restore. He’s that gracious.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1
Reason 4: Being celibate will make you successful in life.
Choosing celibacy will help you to exercise self-control over your natural sexual desires. As a result, the habit of celibacy can cultivate discipline in other areas of life that will move you toward the achievement of your goals. Without a doubt, celibacy has been gaining momentum because people are seeing the benefits, Christians and non-Christians alike.
While being successful is a benefit of choosing celibacy, it should not be the main motivating factor for you to save sex for marriage. You have a better, more foundational reason for saving sex for marriage and that is glorifying your Savior. Since you are in a relationship with God, it follows that your desire is to grow in intimacy with Him. A commitment to celibacy can help you to focus on God as the main love of your life.
Celibacy versus sexual purity
Celibacy is concerned with abstaining from sexual relations. With celibacy, a person can refrain from sexual intercourse with their boyfriend or fiancé, but indulge in other sexual acts like oral sex, anal sex, heavy petting, sexting, etc. Celibacy may boil down to no sexual penetration, but it can be far from sexual purity. Therefore, let’s say that celibacy is a subset of sexual purity.
On the other hand, sexual purity is commitment to live according to God’s original plan for sex (and everything sex-related) which is to be enjoyed only in marriage. When you choose sexual purity, you don’t try to figure out how far you can push the boundaries without having sexual intercourse. With purity, the standard is God Himself and your aim is to be accountable to Him, first and foremost.
Questions to ask yourself…
- Is your motivation focused on self or is it Christ-centered?
- Are you hoping to score points with God or it is motivated out of your love for Him?
- Is it about building your own kingdom or God’s kingdom?
- If you knew that you would never get married, would you still choose to be celibate?
Get your Purity Commitment printable! Just print and sign. (Perhaps, add a selfie.😂) When you sign an agreement to stay sexually pure, it increases your commitment to follow through to another level.
Related articles:
5 People You Love When You Save Sex for Marriage
How to Stop Having Sex with Your Boyfriend
6 Lies About Sex Before Marriage (and the Truth)
6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful
Summary
Choosing celibacy is great and there are many benefits to it. However, I encourage you to go a little further and commit to sexual purity in the power of the Holy Spirit.
What other faulty motivations do Christians have in choosing celibacy? Please comment below and share with the Petals Bloom community. Thanks for stopping by! If you haven’t already done so, check out my YouTube channel.
#madeforlove
With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
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