Can a close friendship with female help prepare you for marriage?

When “Betty” first met “Sheri” at a beach social, she never would have guessed that “Sheri” would become an integral part of her life over the next ten years.  An onlooker might admire their friendship, but both know their relationship has stood many and various testings.  They have learnt many valuable lessons that would be helpful as they move from singleness to marriage.

In a marriage, your husband becomes your best friend.  If you were to learn the following principles when you’re single, you’ll be better prepared for marriage.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 ESV

Here are 7 ways a close female friend can prepare you for marriage: 

1) Forgiveness becomes a way of relating.

In any relationship where there is growing openness, you will unavoidably hurt one another.  Even if you’re a woman who “cannot even kill an ant”, believe me, you have the power to cause great pain in any close friendship.  That’s just life and the nature of human relationships.  

As such, no healthy relationship can survive without true forgiveness … over and over and over again.  A close friendship with a female friend is a very good place to learn how to extend forgiveness and receive forgiveness from someone who is not blood-related.  In essence, an attitude of forgiveness prevents your heart from becoming hard.

To safeguard a marriage from separation and divorce, forgiveness has to become a way of life.  Without a doubt, forgiveness gets easier when you make the habit of it.  A close female friend will give you good practice! It can prepare you for marriage.

2) Learn to be yourself with someone who is not related to you.

You can be totally comfortable in your own “skin” with your family members.  For the most part, your family knows you inside and outside.  They are well acquainted with all your “dirty” ways and they still love you.  

With a close friend, you have to risk rejection by allowing them into your life, into your heart and into your way of thinking.  As you begin to share your life with your close female friend, you can experience acceptance and closeness with someone else outside your family.  It’s good preparation for a husband with whom you need to let down your guard and become “naked and unashamed”.

“And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Genesis 2:25 ESV

3) Persevere in love.

Before my friendship with my closest female friend “Hannah”, I felt rejected by other women who I thought would be my perfect “bosom buddy”.  Therefore, I was no longer keen on this “best friend” concept.  Then, one day after resolving a conflict, we decided to fight for our friendship whatever battles may come (and they came ferociously and frequently, I may add!).  Through the ups and downs, our friendship has passed every destructive threat to our relationship and made it stronger.

Are you someone who has formed a habit of running away from relationships when things get rough?  Then, you may need to work on sticking with your female friend before you even consider a romantic relationship with a man.  Believe it or not, you actually have more in common with a woman (with similar values) than a man because you’re a woman too (just had to spell that out). The right female friend can prepare you for marriage.

4) Understand the importance of conflicts in building strong relationships.

Although it is easier to avoid conflicts, relationships are strengthened by them.  Through every conflict, you learn more about yourself and your friend.  More importantly, you learn how to love unconditionally.  When you resolve the conflict, it adds another level of depth to the friendship.  The more you and your friend work through conflicts and love one another, the stronger the friendship becomes. 

This is exactly the kind of skills that you need in a healthy marriage.  You need to have the mindset that conflicts can draw you closer instead of apart.  With every trial that a marital relationship faces, the love should deepen between the husband and wife because they share a knowledge and journey with one another that no one else understands.

5) Loyalty is crucial.

Any true friendship must be characterized by allegiance to the other person.  There should be no back-biting with others external to the friendship.  In a healthy friendship, you learn to keep your mouth shut.  When you have conflict with each other, you seek to resolve it between you and your friend.  You want others to think well of your close friend.  (However, there might be instances where you need the insight and intervention of a third party, but check your heart condition before you share.)

In a marriage, it is crucial that you and your spouse feel safe.  No man will feel secure knowing that his wife is bad-mouthing him with others.  If you develop the habit of keeping secrets and protecting the reputation of your female best friend, your loyalty should translate into your marital relationship as well.  You husband and marriage will be blessed because of it.

NOTE: If abuse is involved, you should seek help from external parties.  That should not be kept a secret.

6) Learn to love unconditionally.

God loves us unconditionally and He also wants to love each other through the power of His Holy Spirit.  A friendship with your close female friend will certainly test this love many times over.  When you choose to love each other when either one of you is unkind and unloving, you are learning to love unconditionally. 

In a marriage, you’ll need this depth of love toward your husband.  If you learn this with your close female friend, it’ll be easier to love your husband unconditionally.  

7) See your own flaws.

In your own family, you can relax and not deal with your own selfishness.  Your siblings and your parents might tell you, but you might ignore it.  Or, they can get so used to your bad ways, that they accept it as part of who you are.  However, your best friend may not understand or accept it so easily and may bring it to your attention.  

“Hannah”: “Kimberly, do you realise that you have a tendency to be revengeful?”  

Me: “Who me?”

I was stunned because no one had ever told me that before and I was personally unaware of that tendency.  Subsequently, I began to become more self-aware and it dawned on me that I was in fact, very revengeful.  By the grace and help of God, I’ve grown in this area.  

Close female friendships are a good starting ground for marriage because it shows you some of your flaws.  God can use it to help prepare you for marriage. Get comfortable with that kind of revelation as a single woman because marriage is a whole different level in revealing the real you.  Unlike any other relationship, marriage shows you how selfish you really are.  

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Proverbs 27:6

Related Articles

8 Crucial Mindsets for Having a Female Best Friend 

How to Carefully Choose a Close Female Friend | 5 Tips

When Your Best Friend Gets Married | 6 Tips to Keep Your Friendship Alive

Summary

“Friendships with women are more trouble than they’re worth,” is often said by many women who have suffered hurt from other women.  I also could have had that stance until I decided to try again.  Both “Hannah” and I have matured as followers of Jesus Christ as a result.  I’m grateful to God for helping us to persevere when we wanted to give up on our friendship.  Not only has the friendship helped me in my relationship with God, it has also prepared me to enjoy my new marriage.

Do you have a close female friend who is helping to grow up?  Or do you have a “bitter taste in your mouth” due to painful friendships with women?  In what other ways do you see that your close friend can help prepare you for marriage?  Please comment below and share your thoughts and experiences.  We can all be enriched because of your contribution.

One of my greatest treasures in this life is investing in the lives of other women.  As a result, I’d love to help you to further develop your relationship with God; enjoy your journey as a single woman; reach your full potential as a woman; serve the Lord faithfully; and prepare you for the awesome godly man that you may meet some day.  If this sounds good to you, subscribe and I will seek to help you as best as I can with the help of God.  Also, you will receive a list of “My Favorite Books for Single Christian Women” when you subscribe.  Thanks for stopping by!

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Love,

Kimberly Garth