How to Wait on God for Marriage

Another year is approaching and you’re still single. To add insult to injury, all your friends are posting engagement photos or gender reveal photos!

The journey of waiting for a godly spouse can be one of the most challenging and refining seasons of life. Drawing from personal experience and biblical wisdom, here are seven essential steps you can take to not only be patient while you wait on God, but to fully embrace and thrive in your singleness.

I thought that the ONLY reason that I was remaining single was because I was waiting on God. Slowly, I became aware of my own need to grapple with the truth about myself and the choices that I had made over the years. Just in case you might be in the same boat as I was, it is helpful to consider a few reasons you might still be single … other than it is God’s will.

• God is waiting for you to change key mindsets. This might involve becoming less rigid in your criteria for a spouse (e.g., only looking at men in full-time ministry like me!); being too hard to please or inflexible; continually being drawn to men who are “bad for you” while ignoring the good men already in your life; or being so fiercely independent that possible suitors get the impression that you don’t need a man in your life.
• A specific person is not ready. While not the norm, it’s possible that God has a specific person in mind, and neither you nor he is yet prepared for the commitment of marriage.
• The enemy is creating hindrances. The enemy does not want good, kingdom-building marriages between growing Christians and may be putting up spiritual obstacles that require intentional prayer.

While you may be waiting on God, God might, in fact, be waiting on you!

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1) Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).

Remember the most important marriage is the one you already have or are headed toward, that is to say, being a part of the Bride of Christ with Jesus as your Bridegroom. This eternal perspective is key to maintaining your sanity and joy. If you don’t marry on Earth, it is not the end of the world! You can still fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

2) Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.

Be brutally honest with yourself about the qualities you desire in a husband. Go through your list prayerfully and with a fine-tooth comb, determining if these items are truly essential or if they are based on vanity, cultural expectations, or unrealistic fantasies. Consider asking a biblically grounded, married Christian couple (married at least five years) to look at your list and help you discern the negotiables from the non-negotiables. While you wait on God, reconsider your “husband list”.

3) Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness

If you are constantly sad about being single, marriage may have become an idol in your life. This is not a healthy place to be. You need to dethrone the idol of marriage and replace it with Christ, the only one worthy of being the Lord of your life. Ask God to help you find contentment and joy in your current season. A joyful single woman who is open to marriage is far more attractive than a desperate one.

4) Make It a Matter of Prayer.

Praying regularly and specifically for your future husband (and asking others to pray for you) is vital. The enemy is actively working to prevent good Christians from uniting for marriage, so intentional, consistent prayer is a necessary defense against his schemes.

5) Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.

Maturing in every aspect of your life is the single most important thing you can do while waiting.

• Soak in God’s Word: The Bible is the ultimate tool for changing faulty mindsets; claiming promises; and repenting of sin. It is essential for Christian growth.
• Be in a Healthy Christian Community: Online services are not enough. You need to be in relationship and “doing life” with other believers to grow, which often involves conflict, encouragement, and accountability (to name a few).
• Find Mature Mentors: Ask God to bring a few mature Christian women (married or single) to disciple and mentor you while you wait on God for marriage.
• Be Wise About Media: Focus on wholesome books, podcasts, and materials that nurture your mind, body, and soul, helping you grow in your career and relationships. Be cautious of romance novels and fantasies—as one friend says, “The one in your bed is not the one in your head.” Fantasy can lead to dissatisfaction with a real, imperfect spouse when you get married.

6) Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.

Don’t let your life stall while you wait on God. Invest your time, emotional, and mental energy into serving others and building the Kingdom of God. Being involved in ministry and helping others grow can be deeply fulfilling and prevent you from being “overly crushed” by remaining single. Christ came not to be served, but to serve—find your joy in being like Him.

7) Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

In today’s age, we have over-complicated marriage. We’ve over-spiritualized some aspects and over-romanticized others (due to Hollywood and romance literature). Getting married doesn’t have to be that difficult. Focus on finding someone with similar Christian views; who is growing in their walk with the Lord; who is intentional about character development; and whose company you enjoy. Be willing to cut down on the man-made obstacles and barriers that prevent you from considering a good man while you wait on God.

In reality, the only sure way to know your time is near is when you are engaged and have a wedding date. While God may give you an impression, generally, people are clueless until they actually meet someone, the relationship gets serious, and a wedding date is set.

Summary

Remember: For the most part, God is waiting on us to become ready. He wants you to:

• Remove unrealistic expectations.
• Be more open to good men he has already connected you with.
• Deal with bad behavior, attitudes, and past traumas (like unaddressed rejection issues).
• Value marriage and family for what they are—a call that requires a willingness to “die to self”—rather than valuing career and independence too much

To recap,

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1. Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).
2. Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.
3. Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness.
4. Make It a Matter of Prayer.
5. Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.
6. Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.
7. Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite