In order to prepare for a successful career, you go through the rigors and discipline of education and training through attending primary school, secondary school, tertiary institutions, courses, and the like.  You may even hire a mentor or a coach to aid in your goals for wealth accumulation, recognition and to build a legacy for yourself.  Furthermore, you feed on a steady diet of self-help books.  

But … How well are you doing for your practical preparation for marriage?  Statistics show that the divorce rate among Christians are at least fifty percent.  How did we even get there?  One of the main causes is that we are ill-prepared for marriage.  After coming to Christ, marriage is probably the next important life-altering commitment that you will make.

Here are 7 practical tips to do now to transition from single to married without stress:

1) Develop a prayer life.

The enemy of our souls wants to destroy all marriages, but I figure he finds extra pleasure in destroying marriages between Christians.  He knows that a Christ-centered couple will be focused on building the Kingdom of God and as such, it will affect his plans.  

Hence, marriage is a battlefield which is best fought on “our knees” in prayer to our God who is all-powerful.  To me, prayer is the most powerful weapon that a married Christian woman has at her disposal.  If she doesn’t pray, stress will be her daily portion.  A wise woman will spend more time praying and less time quarrelling, manipulating or complaining.  Believe me, when God intervenes, the whole story changes!

Therefore, as a single woman, it is in your best interest to develop the habit of praying as a way of life NOW … while you are still single.  If you have a habit of taking everything to God in prayer, your transition from single to married will be filled with tranquility and joy instead of a whole heap of drama.

2) Learn to manage a house well.

Blessed are the singles who know how to manage a house well. Parents do their adult children (males and females) a major disservice when the adults cannot effectively take care of themselves and a house.  If you do not know how to manage yourself and a home now,  when you get married, you will find yourself struggling and drowning with responsibilities for which you are ill-prepared to handle. Besides emotional and physical intimacy, marriage brings work!

Here are things to master while you are single:

• Making up your bed.
• Washing your clothes.
• Preparing meals regularly.
• Managing your finances well.
• Ironing your clothes.
• Cleaning the entire house.
• Maintaining a cleaning schedule.
• Buying groceries.
• Paying bills.

For those of you with a helper or the house management belongs to others, you need to do yourself (and your spouse) a big favor and start doing these things for yourself.  You can learn when you get married, but the huge adjustments might frustrate you and your future husband.  Master what you can now (except sex! lol).  The adjustment in marriage will be easy for you if you know how to skillfully manage the various aspects of your life and a home.

3) Know and understand yourself well.

Your season of singleness is the perfect time to get to know yourself intimately – your gifts, your love languages, your strengths and weaknesses and the like.  I’ve done many tests throughout the years and I have compiled a list for you “The Top Five Resources You Need To Get Started on Understanding Yourself Right Now”.

Some benefits of knowing yourself well:

• Discern the kind of man you can live with; 
• Know what you can live with and what will drive you “crazy”;
• Have healthy boundaries;
• Know why you react to certain triggers; and
• What makes you feel most loved and how to communicate that to your future husband.

Don’t forget to get your “The Top Five Resources You Need To Get Started on Understanding Yourself Right Now”!

4) Make self-care a priority.

As a woman, it is important that you feel comfortable with your body.  Understanding that your value comes from God should propel you to take good care of yourself.  Undoubtedly, self-care is a demonstration of being a good steward of your absolutely fine vessel.  

Some self-care ideas:

• Manicure
• Pedicure 
• Shaving/waxing 
• Exercising (sex requires energy!)
• Massages
• Facials
• Hair grooming

When you feel good about your body, you can confidently allow your future husband to enjoy it also.😉  Being comfortable with your body will help you to be “naked and unashamed” with your future husband.  

5) Spend time with couples who have healthy marriages.

Did anything surprise me when I got married?  Not really.  The reason is that I spent a lot of time with a married couple and their family.  They “discipled me into marriage” (so to speak).  I saw firsthand how they interacted; how they managed conflicts (good and not so good ways); the way in which their relationship with Jesus was their foundation for every decision; their commitment to “divorce is not an option” and so much more. 

I saw so much of what a real marriage is that I went into marriage soberly.  I have also learnt from my parents who have been married for over forty years. Since my father was not a Christian, I learnt from my mother the power of commitment as she lived 1 Corinthians 7:13.  However, it was good to see a marriage where Jesus is the center of both the husband and wife.  Then, I’m also surrounded by other couples who have good marriages. 

“And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.” 1 Corinthians 7:13  NIV

6) Take responsibility for your life.

Children should not get married.  Yet, there are so many married adults who are like children.  They have not grown up.  Sometimes we want the privileges of adulthood but not the responsibilities. If you want to transition from single to married without stress, you need to embrace adulthood.

Mindset of healthy adults:

• Take ownership of your life.
• Not a victim mentality.
• Do not blame others.
• Choose how you will think and act.
• Learn to accept constructive criticism from others.
• Fully responsible for your life under God.
• Can take action.
• Do not need permission from your parents.
• Have healthy boundaries.
• Exercise freedom to say “yes”, “no” or any other response.
• Understand and accept that actions have consequences.
• Able to manage stress and handle life’s difficulties.
• Can voice an opinion.

7) Read good books about marriage and men.

Before I was married, I read a lot about being a single woman, relationships with men and marriage.  They are paying off. If you want to transition from single to married easily, educate yourself. Without a doubt, the best book on marriage is the Bible since the husband and wife relationship parallels the relationship between Christ and the church. Check out “My Favourite Books for Single Christian Women” in my resource library which you can freely access here.

Related articles:

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

Accept Him as He Is | 6 Convincing Reasons

7 Ways A Close Female Friend Can Prepare You For Marriage

5 Actions to Help Him Become The Best Future Husband

Your transition from single to married does not have to be like Disney’s Rock & Roller Coaster ride which can make your head spin and leave you sick to the stomach.  Furthermore, you don’t have to be running around “like a chicken without a head” because your life is in turmoil because of all the changes. Start changing your habits and mindsets now and it will be an easy transition for you.  Channel some of your efforts that you would expend for your career enhancement to preparing for marriage. It will be worth it!

Even if you never get married, applying all of these tips will enhance your life.

Are you actively preparing for marriage? What other advice would you like to offer? What changes do you need to make? Please comment below and let me know!  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

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