Sex is so sweet, but having sex with your boyfriend is beginning to weigh heavily on you. But how can you stop sleeping with him?
At the age of fifteen, Amy made a commitment to God and to herself that she would reserve sex for marriage. Now, in her mid-twenties, she is not certain that she wants to keep that commitment. She has been following several influencers who condemn virginity and perhaps, she’s beginning to believe that the church has been wrong all along.
In the midst of her doubts, there is a growing attraction between her and Chad who she met at a small group Bible study. As they spend more time together, they have an undeniable magnetic attraction. Soon, they are an official couple. Amy finds it hard to not be physically close to him as every physical touch is exhilarating.
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Chad has had several previous sexual relationships and he doesn’t see what the big deal is about waiting for marriage to have sex. One night in Chad’s apartment, one thing led to another and they had passionate sex. Their relationship quickly becomes a sexual one.
Amy feels guilty after every sexual experience with Chad, but it has become so difficult to stop having sex. She has a nagging feeling that she has made a big mistake. She doesn’t know what to do about it.
Why it is difficult to stop having sex …
Amy’s situation is not unique. Many believers, who have sincerely given their lives to Christ, find themselves unable to break free from sexual relationships. It is downright difficult to stop having sex. Here’s why …
God created sex between a husband and a wife for the following original purposes:
- To have children to fill and rule the earth (Genesis 1:28);
- To create oneness between one man and one woman that is unequal to any other relationship and difficult to break (Genesis 2:24);
- To give tremendous pleasure to both the husband and wife (Proverbs 5:15-19 and Song of Songs);
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How does purity come into the story?
“Purity means to live according to original design.” – Josh McDowell in ‘The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex’
“True sex, according to the Original Design, is an outward FUSION manifestation (sexual intercourse) of an inward FUSION relationship (marriage).” – Kelvin Mapp
Therefore, in the absence of the “oneness” between the husband and the wife, all sexual activity becomes impure because it is not according to God’s original intent.
This leads to the corruption of the gift of sex. Instead of accomplishing its original purpose in the covenant of marriage, it becomes addictive, wrong and degrading. In essence, premarital sex will NEVER fulfill God’s original intent and thus, can never be truly satisfying.
Can you begin to live pure after living impure?
You certainly can! Although you cannot undo your past, with the power of God’s indwelling Holy Spirit, you can experience purity as you choose to live according to God’s original design.
Regardless of your past and current sexual experiences, God remains faithful to You. He truly wants the best for you.
Here are 7 tips to stop having sex with your boyfriend when it is downright difficult:
1) Agree with God that it is sin.
The first step to any recovery from addiction is to confess that it is wrong. Similarly, the first move toward repentance is let God know that you’ve sinned against Him and your own self. Ask for His forgiveness. He is willing and ready to forgive you.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
2) Forgive yourself.
This is a very important step. If you neglect this part, you may end up going back into the same sin because of self-loathing. Or, you may begin to believe lies like you’re not worthy to serve God; you don’t deserve a good husband; you are cursed for life and the list can go on. Don’t go there! Those are lies from the enemy!
If our holy and perfect God can extend His grace toward you and forgive you, then you can surely forgive yourself. Resist false humility which will tell you that you’re unforgivable. It goes against God’s truth and therefore, must be discarded. Christ’s death on the cross was enough to cover all sins.
If you’re having difficulty forgiving yourself, call on God’s Holy Spirit to help you.
3) Depend on God’s Holy Spirit to help you to live pure.
When I was struggling with my own sexual impurity, trying to overcome on my own was an ongoing lesson in defeat and futility. (Although I was a virgin, I was still impure in many ways). Then, I began to ask the Holy Spirit to help me to overcome. He stepped right in and helped me to conquer those sinful tendencies over time.
Every time I fell back into old habits, I called on him and I began to realize that the incidences of sin occurred less frequently until they were no longer a struggle. That, my friend, is the power of God’s Holy Spirit to help us to live in purity and holiness. If He did it for me, He can certainly do it for you. He has no favorites.
4) Make a decision to stop having sex with your boyfriend.
If you have gone through steps one to three, you’re now in a better place to stop having sex with your boyfriend. If he disagrees and pressures you for sex, this is a good indication that he’s not the one for you. You need a man who will help you to uphold God’s truth and not someone who is determined to rebel against God (and take you along for the ride). I pray that God will give you the courage to make the necessary changes.
You may also need to implement wise boundaries to help you to wait until marriage for true and fulfilling sex.
“Bear fruit in keeping with repentance.” Matthew 3:8
5) Renew your mind about sexual purity.
The transformation process can only happen if our minds are renewed. Start with the Word of God which is powerful to help you to build your convictions in this area of your life. I would also recommend reading good biblically-grounded books by faithful followers of Jesus to strengthen your beliefs about purity.
At the same time, you may need to stop listening to unbelievers and believers who are trying to corrupt the truth and are pawns by the enemy to enslave people.
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23
6) Nurture your relationship with God.
Prayer and Bible study are keys to growing on your relationship with God. This is not about mere religious activity, but you want to really get to know God to love Him wholeheartedly. Without a doubt, love for God is the best motivation for living pure and holy.
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” John 14:15
7) Prayer and accountability.
Surround yourself with people who embrace and live out sexual purity. Fellowship with like-minded people will support and strengthen your resolve to live according to God’s original design. Additionally, ask one or two friends/relatives to regularly pray for you and to keep you accountable. Permit them to ask you the hard questions.
The Christian life is lived best in community. You cannot do it alone.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
Summary
Sexual purity is under attack from all quarters, even from Christians. Virginity is being ridiculed; virgins are being mocked; and sexual “freedom” (bondage disguised) is being encouraged and celebrated. It seems like only the brave will be able to survive this onslaught.
Although it might be difficult to stop having sex with your boyfriend, it is possible with God’s help. Don’t settle for the only 10% (stimulation & excitement without fulfilment), but aim to experience the whole 100% (stimulation, excitement and fulfilment). God is extremely good to bless us with the wonderful gift of sex, but for marriage ONLY!
To recap, here are 7 tips to stop having sex with your boyfriend when it is downright difficult:
- Agree with God that it is sin.
- Forgive yourself.
- Depend on God’s Holy Spirit to help you to live pure.
- Make a decision to stop having sex with your boyfriend.
- Renew your mind about sexual purity.
- Nurture your relationship with God.
- Prayer and accountability.
What are your views on sexual purity? Is it possible for God to restore a woman who has had few or many sexual experiences before marriage? Let me know your thoughts! Thanks for stopping by!
#madeforlove
With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
Recommended Books:
“The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex” by Josh McDowell
“And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity” by Dannah Gresh
“Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control” by Elisabeth Elliot
