Are you single and disappointed?
You’ve been faithful to God and you’ve sought to make Him the top priority in your life. Yet, another year has come and you’re still unmarried.
You look at other single Christian women who have ‘gotten through’, and you think that something must be wrong with you. Why is God not hearing and giving you what you desire? Doesn’t your faithfulness count for something?
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Compromise? No way!
Regardless, you’re the kind of woman who will not compromise your biblical values …even to get married. You’re not going to engage in premarital sex just to get a man by your side. Furthermore, being with a non-Christian is an absolute no-no.
Furthermore, being with a married man (even if he’s planning to get a divorce) is out of the question. If those were the only options to get married, you’ve made up your mind that loving God and being obedient to Him would still take priority over being married.
But even so, your obedience to God seems to be getting you nowhere. You’re disappointed and perhaps even angry with God. The struggle is real.
These are genuine feelings among countless single Christian females, especially among those who are older and have never been married. There are always exceptions, but most single women have an inborn desire to have a family.
This unfulfilled natural longing can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, anger and even depression.
My own struggles with being single and disappointed.
I can relate very well to your convictions and struggles. In the midst of enjoying my season of singleness, I also vividly remember my own struggles of disappointment and crying out to God to fill this desire to be married.
It was honestly rough at times. However, God always gave the grace during those periods and gave me wisdom to successfully handle my unmet longings.
Here are 5 helpful tips to help you to deal with being single and disappointed.
1. Don’t deny it.
You are disappointed and there’s no need to deny it. ‘Call a spade a spade.’ God already knows your heart so there’s no need to pretend.
In most therapies, the first step is always facing the truth about yourself. As such, it’ll be good to share your feelings with trusted friends whether they are single or married.
If your friends will make fun of you, then you’ll need some new friends! Now, I’m not recommending an ongoing pity-party or ‘men-are-no-good’ bashing party.
Remember, this is about you at the moment and it is healthy to face your issue in order to deal with it. You do not have to remain single and disappointed.
2. Cry out to God.
Be vulnerable with God, not in a disrespectful way, but let him know how you feel about the situation. Prayer is the simple act of communicating with God. Allow God to meet you in the deepest place of your heart and soul.
So, you can do this by writing, speaking or singing to God.
A. Communicating with God through writing .
While I was single, I wrote to God in my journals … expressing all my hurts, regrets, frustrations and disappointments. It felt incredibly freeing to let it all out. Therefore, I would recommend that you begin journaling as soon as possible.
Read the article ‘10 Easy Steps to Start Journaling Today’. It’ll help you to detox your emotions and to gain some clarity. You can get your FREE journal printable and join my 21-day journal challenge to get help to begin this life-changing habit.
B. Communicating with God through talking.
You don’t need a special place or even a special time. Right now, you can talk to God. Whenever you feel like you’re drowning in sadness, lift your heart to Him and cry out to Him. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to bawl, then bawl.
‘Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.’ (1 Peter 5:7)
C. Communicating with God through singing.
Singing your heart out can work miracles when you’re feeling depressed about your singleness. One of my favorite songs when I felt that my heart was breaking was ‘Enough’ by Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio. Here are the lyrics:
“All of you is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough
You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know
All of you is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough
You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re my coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know
More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me.”
What songs have encouraged you when you felt single and disappointed?
3. Be a part of a healthy community.
We all need loving relationships. You may not have a husband, but having deep close friendships will fill your heart with love. For me, my friends were a tremendous support.
Therefore, you may want to be a part of a community that seeks to follow God and hold true to His values. If there are other single Christian women in your sphere, intentionally meet to encourage and to be your sister’s keep.
Be intentional to have a great time together. Don’t spend all your time talking about how sad and unfulfilled you are. Undoubtedly, there’s a lot more to this life than being married.
4. Build your confidence.
Confidence is attractive to men, job recruiters, coworkers, customers, etc. You need to feel good about yourself deep down in your bones. At any rate, your significance is not tied to your marital status.
I had one phase when I felt so desperate and needy. It was not pretty. To put an end to that, I had to rewire my brain and build up my self-confidence.
Maybe you can do a makeover. Wear colors that make you look alive. Perhaps, even add a few new pieces to your wardrobe. Get a new hairstyle. In short, take some time for yourself and do things that would make you feel beautiful.
5. Guard your heart.
One of the best things to deal with being single and disappointed is to guard your heart. This means being intentionally in the following areas:
A. Your entertainment.
Have you ever finished watching a romantic movie at night and then as you enter dreamland, you somehow become the heroine in the movie?
After I intentionally stopped watching romantic movies for a prolonged period of time, my fantasies stopped and my intense longing for romance decreased significantly.
I became a lot happier being single. The way you think is a consequence of what you dwell on.
What shows, books, movies or music are driving your discontentment? I don’t think we realize just how much entertainment affects our entire being. Are you willing to reduce your fantasy stimuli, especially romantic movies/chick flicks?
Removing the triggers will lesson your feelings of being single and disappointed.
B. Your friends and family.
Which persons around you are influencing negative emotions about being unmarried? I would suggest a change in ‘diet’ from them as well (if possible).
You need to actively reduce or cut off negative stimuli or otherwise, your phase of being single and disappointed will last too long. If the negativity comes from persons with whom you live, let them know that what they are saying to you is not helpful.
Instead, consciously seek to be around persons who are positive and who would help you to have a balanced biblical perspective on your singleness. Check out “5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful.”
Proverbs 4:23 wisely advised, ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.’
Related articles:
5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful
Summary
These are some actions that I have implemented to help me to deal with the disappointment of being single for longer than I wanted. Whether you remain single for the rest of your life or get married, you want to be joyful.
Therefore, it is very important that you take responsibility for only what you can do. Making some of these changes will not be easy, but I hope, they would make the world of difference in lessening the things that fuel your disappointment.
Instead of being single and disappointed, you’ll be single and having a time of your life!
What other tips would you recommend? Which songs have inspired you? Comment below because I would love to hear what has or is helping you to navigate this season.
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With lots of love,
Kimberly
Recommended Books:
‘Singled Out for Him’ by Nancy Leigh De Moss
The Path of Loneliness: Finding Your Way Through the Wilderness to God’ by Elisabeth Elliot
‘Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye: Trusting God with a Hope Deferred’ by Carolyn McCulley
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This piece read not like an article but like a story- the story of my life. I appreciate the truth that was presented firmly but with love. Some of these tips have helped me to thrive thus far and others I will put into practice. Thanks again for speaking into the lives of women.
You’re welcome, Nikida! By being transparent, I hope that it would be a blessing to women who are going through a similar journey. Thanks for the feedback!