10 Insightful Lessons from 2 Years of Marriage

When my husband and I celebrated 2 years of marriage, I wanted to share the lessons I learnt from those precious years. I cannot say that the journey has been easy or difficult, but we have changed and I would like to hope for the better.

Nobody can help you grow as much as your spouse. -Duane Weekes

Here are 10 lessons from two years of marriage:

1. Like and enjoy your husband.

After the wedding excitement wears off, you need to like and enjoy the man you have agreed to marry. So choose a man you get along with. Physical attraction, sexual appeal, academic qualifications, popularity and wealth will not be enough. The pandemic and the lock down restrictions really tested the foundation of many marriages. My husband and I shared a lot of good laughs and enjoyed each other’s company during our first two years.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #1: I’m glad my husband and I are friends.

2. Practice self-care.

It is easy for a woman to sacrifice for her family and that is to be expected. There’s no sin in sacrifice. However, you need to make a conscious effort to practice self-care like resting; enjoying a hobby; treating yourself to a gift (even an inexpensive gift like your favourite snack); and engaging in activities that refresh you. In my desire to be the perfect wife and to “spoil” my husband, I over-exerted myself at times and my husband didn’t understand why I placed so much pressure on myself.

Remember, you are only a human being … with limits. Also, you will incorrectly train your husband (and children) to expect you to operate with super-human qualities. When they don’t reciprocate, you can become bitter and resentful. Besides, your husband may prefer a dusty house and an available wife than a perfectly organised house and an always-too-busy wife.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #2: Make a better effort to take care of myself.

3. Be a prayer warrior.

There will be attacks on you, your spouse and your union. As such, even before you get married, learn to pray and build your faith in God. As a matter of fact, you need to become an intercessor and a prayer warrior.

Since I have been married, I make it a point to pray for my husband every day. I probably missed a few days, but with the help of God, I have been generally consistent.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #3: Continue to pray without ceasing.

4. Learn to take care of a home.

If you wait until you are married to take care of a home, you will be super stressed out because of all the major transitions that accompany a marriage. Start managing a home from now!

Here are some suggestions:

• Learn to cook in order to have healthy meals prepared for your daily consumption;
• Clean an entire house regularly;
• Wash your own clothes;
• Do grocery shopping; and
• Manage your finances.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #4: It’s a good thing my mother taught me how to manage a home and living on my own helped tremendously!

5. Make your relationship with God a priority.

Your most important relationship, before and after marriage, is your relationship with God. Spending time with God, as a way of life, will keep your mind sound; give you wisdom to deal with unchartered rocky circumstances; keep your hope alive; convict you of your poor attitudes and incorrect mindsets; give you a different perspective on issues; and help you to be gracious and forgiving. Having a regular time with God, accompanied with obedience, is a key ingredient to a stable thriving marriage.

I remember a few times when I would be upset and when I began to spend time with God, His Word convicts me and the Holy Spirit softens my heart toward my husband. Undoubtedly, God changes me from within. Don’t allow your heart to become hard toward your husband. Allow the Word to penetrate deep inside your heart and determine to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #5: My relationship with Jesus makes my marriage stronger and sweeter.

6. Have friends who are for you and your husband.

When you marry, you may have your close friends and he may have his close friends. However, the friends who you want close to you are those friends who mature enough to be for BOTH you and your husband. You don’t need friends who will only be loyal to you. They must be your marriage.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #6: I’m super grateful and thrilled that I have praying friends full of God’s wisdom!

7. Cultivate good relationship between the two families.

It is a great blessing when there are good relationships among you, your husband, your parents and his parents. This has been one of the greatest blessings in my marriage. Think soberly and move with extreme caution if your parents dislike your future husband or his parents disapprove of you. You are entering each other’s families and that is a big deal!

Also, be careful about bad-mouthing your spouse with your parents. It may back-fire. However, if you are being abused, you should speak out.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #7: I am beyond blessed that my in-laws love me and my parents love my husband.

8. Be aware of your bad attitudes and seek growth.

The attitudes, good and not so good before marriage, will become more pronounced after marriage. This same principle applies to your future husband’s attitudes. Our bad behaviour do not disappear on the wedding day. In fact, they become even more apparent after marriage.

Although you, nor him, will become perfect before marriage, you should always embrace a perspective of continual growth. Reject the notion, “This is how I am and this is how I will always be.” Remember, as a follower of Jesus Christ, your goal is to become more and more like Jesus and not to remain in your carnal state.

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Romans 8:29 ESV

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #8: Marriage showed up lots of my flaws, but I’m grateful that we are patient with one another and we are both seeking to continually grow.

9. Invest in your marriage.

Surround yourself with godly couples and always invest in your marriage intentionally and continually. Be a part of couples’ prayer groups, marriage enrichment classes, marriage conferences, read good books, etc. Don’t wait for marital problems to arise and then seek counsel (which you should, of course!). But, as the saying goes, “Prevention is better than cure.”

Here are some suggestions:

• Read books to give cultivate the right mindset for a good marriage.
• Attend pre-engagement counselling.
• Have pre-marital counselling.
• Attend marriage conferences. I have attend about 3 Family Life’s Weekend to Remember conferences.
• Married couples’ classes.
• Married couples’ prayer group.
• Have a mentoring couple (as least one) that you both trust.
• Attend marriage enrichment seminars.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #9: Well, it’s always comforting to know that there are other couples who have the same challenges and to not only be aware of them, but to get the help we need to have a better marriage.

10. Learn to love the people presently in your life.

Your close relationships, prior to marriage, prepare you for marriage. Learn to love well the people already in your life while you are single. God has placed people in your life like parents/guardians, siblings, grandparents, female friends and male friends.

Here are some questions to consider:

• Do you give up on relationships when they become difficult?
• Are you forgiving?
• Do you help with chores?
• Do people give up on you because you’re too difficult to deal with?

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #10: Being single for a long time and working through relationships with my family and friends provided me with relationships skills for my marriage.

Summary

As a woman who got married later in life, I can safely say that the choices you make when you are single will affect the choice of a mate and how you navigate married life. To all the single Christian ladies reading this article, I hope you find these lessons from 2 years of marriage are not only insightful, but also instructive.

What preparations for marriage are you currently making? What changes in your mindset are needed now?

Whether you plan to marry or not, it will be beneficial to you to make some tweaks in your current lifestyle so that you can handle the transition into marriage like a champ!

To recap, here are 10 lessons from my first two years of marriage:

1. Like and enjoy your husband.
2. Practice self-care.
3. Be a prayer warrior.
4. Learn to take care of a home.
5. Make your relationship with God a priority.
6. Have friends who are for you and your husband.
7. Cultivate good relationships between the two families.
8. Be aware of your bad attitudes and seek growth.
9. Invest in your marriage.
10. Learn to love the people presently in your life.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

How to transition from single to married without stress

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

7 Ways A Close Female Friend Can Prepare You For Marriage

Recommended Books:

The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence

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