You meet a single Christian man and you get a little hopeful that he might be the ‘one’. However, simply being a Christian is not sufficient for a man to be a good husband. There are many unhealthy Christian guys you need to resist!

It doesn’t matter if he is:

• Always at church;
• Knows books of the Bible by heart;
• Has the sweetest heavenly singing voice; or
• Preaches the best sermons.

You’re marrying the person and not his gift or his faithful service. What matters is his character and if he’s willing to mature in every area of his life.  

If you’re unsure if he’s a true Christian, get my “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him.” It will be helpful!

Here are 6 types of Christian guys to resist:

1) Overly- Jealous Owen

There are insanely jealous Christian men out there. Maybe he’s had his heart broken by an unfaithful girlfriend in the past.  Or, maybe he saw unfaithfulness in his parents’ lives and he has developed a fear that prevents him from seeing things clearly.

Regardless of the reason, an overly jealous man will not be able to trust you even if you were Mother Teresa! This is one of the guys to resist!

Signs that he’s overly jealous:

• He accuses you of being with every man that you meet, even the gas station attendant.
• He checks your phone or wants to check your phone to see your communication with other men.
• When he suspects that you’re talking to another male on the phone, he always demands to know who it is and why that person is calling you.
• He demands that you cut ties with all the men in your life except your father and brother(s).

2) Abusive Adam

Abuse takes several forms beyond physical abuse. Regardless, all forms are destructive. And yes, there are Christian men who are very abusive. I don’t know how they justify it but they do.

“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” Proverbs 22:24-25

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can be so subtle that you’re not even aware when it started happening and what it looks like. You may not think anything is wrong with what your boyfriend is telling you or the way that he’s treating you until a someone else expresses to you that something is wrong.

You may justify it because you know that he was just feeling down or he’s having a rough time at work. The fact is that if he is emotionally unhealthy, it will negatively impact your relationship and you will be damaged in the process.

Add him to the list of guys to resist! If you don’t run from this unhealthy man now, sooner or later, you’ll be the one seeing the counsellor.

Physical abuse

No right-thinking follower of Jesus will be justify abuse. Jesus elevated women and gave them value.

Many times, signs of abuse can be seen early in a relationship. Unfortunately, your innate desire to nurture and support a man can prevent you from seeing the disaster that lies ahead.  

Also, if you have lived in an abusive home, it will be harder for you to detect abuse from others. Undoubtedly, you need to resist guys like that!

Signs of an Abuser:

• He gives you the silent treatment for prolonged periods. This is a form of punishment which all of us need to resist if we want healthy relationships.
• He puts you down subtly or blatantly.
• His tactic is to isolate you from other relationships, especially friends or relatives who do not approve of him.
• He blames others (and you) for his poor behavior.
• He uses his emotions to manipulate you.
• You find that he has become very possessive of you.
• He’s controlling.
• He has a bad temper.

3) Pretending Patrick

My friend was telling me that she met this guy who seemed to be a Christian.  He sounded just like a Christian but she felt in her spirit that something just wasn’t right about him.  She couldn’t put her finger on it.

Subsequently, she began to notice behaviors that seemed very unChristian-like. A true follower of Jesus must have a talk and a walk that are aligned to Christ. No one is perfect, but he should be growing.

Signs of a Pretender:

• He forces you to compromise your standards.
• He mocks you for having certain convictions.
• if it suits him, he will try to justify his actions.
• He will say one thing and do the opposite.
• He lacks integrity.

“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

To evaluate the types of guys to resist, you can use my “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him” which you can access in my resource library.

4) Manipulative Marlon

He’s the man who says, ‘if you love me, then you will have sex with me.’ I have one word for you – ”Run”! Some ‘Christian’ men are pressuring their girlfriends to compromise God’s standards of purity.  

Ladies, sexual purity is God’s design to lovingly protect you from harm and provide the best for you.  If a man forces you to indulge in sexual activities which are against your standards, he doesn’t love you and he doesn’t respect you.  

He’s, in fact, a very self-seeking man. Such selfishness is not a good foundation for a successful marriage. Also, it will not stop at sex, but he will try to ‘guilt-trip’ you in other ways as well.

Signs of a Manipulator:

• The typical line of this manipulator is, “If you love then you will…” That is not true love.
• He has a convincing way of manipulating Scriptures to get what he wants.
• He plays on your emotions through anger, guilt or even sadness.

5) Sad-Story Sam

Some men want a woman to provide for them and take care of them.  There may be times when a man may be broke, but it cannot be that he has absconded from his God-given responsibility and want to place it fully on your shoulders, especially before marriage. Here’s another guy to resist!

Signs of a sad-story man:

• You observe that he’s always borrowing money.
• He blames his parents, the government, the church, etc. Before long, you will also be added to that list!
• He doesn’t take full responsibility for his life as an adult.

6) Married Mark

Ladies, adultery doesn’t just happened overnight. Most Christians do not have on their bucket list “I must commit adultery.” However, adultery is easier and more subtle than you think. It happens because we naively indulge in conversations and develop deep emotional relationships with married men. Adultery first starts in the heart.

Here is what typically happens:

Steps leading to adultery:

• You and Mark are becoming friends.
• One day, he feels comfortable to share with you that he’s having marital problems.
• You like Mark as a friend so you listen to him attentively and empathize with him.
• After a while, you conclude (without knowing the full story) that the wife must be the problem. How could she treat a good man like Mark so wretchedly!
• Mark likes that you are so supportive and non-judgemental, so he makes time to constantly share with you his marital woes.
• You enjoy talking with Mark and you feel special because you are his only confidante.
• As you begin to share deeply with him concerning your life and he continues to reciprocate, you develop a closeness.
• You begin to feel that he’s your soulmate.
• A physical attraction develops.
• And boom … you have a full-fledged romance!

God did not call you, a single woman, to rescue unhappily married men from their sad marriages.  There’s only one Saviour and that is Jesus Christ.  He doesn’t need your help, except to pray from a distance!

Others can help him!

You might feel needed and think that you’re the only one in the world with whom he can talk.   However, there are billions of people in the world. I’m sure that he can find at least one other man in whom to confide. I urge you to leave men, like married Mark, alone and protect the covenant that he has made with his wife. As a matter of fact, you can pray that his marriage is restored.

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A good book that I would highly recommend is, ‘Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It’ by Jerry B. Jenkins. It’s written for married couples but it is extremely insightful to show singles how easily adultery can happen.

Bonus: Married but separated …

After hearing several stories, I need to add the man who is separated with his wife. A man separated rom his wife is still legally married and should not even make the effort to pursue another woman.

Let us honour marriages under every cirucumstance, including but not limted to the following reasons:

1. He is planning to get a divorce.
2. His wife was abusive.
3. He is unhappy with her.
4. His wife is not a Christian so he was “unequally yoked.” Btw, God honours all marriages!
5. She was unfaithful to him.
6. She has left him.
7. His divorce is in process.

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We need to honour marital vows, regardless of the circumstances.

My sister, God wants better for you.

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:6

Related articles:

5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands 

Should You Consider Marrying an Unbeliever?

6 Glaring Signs He is Not a True Christian

Summary

These types of guys to resist need a counsellor and some male friends and not a girlfriend or a wife right now. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth to you. One of the best ways to protect your own heart is to let trusted friends and family meet this ‘prospect’ before you decide to let him into your heart.  

When a friend was entering a relationship, her boss told her, “Do not let the fire of your heart blow smoke in your eyes.” Even if you might be temporarily blinded by love, others will be able to see clearly.

Can he change?

I firmly believe that God can change a person, but the person has to be a willing participant. Therefore, if you meet him that way, please expect that he will remain the same until he decides to change. And that, ladies, might take a mighty long time.

You should not marry a man and plan to change him like if he’s a renovation project. No one likes that. You’re not looking for a perfect man, but you want a Christian man who is seeking to mature in every area of his life. Your aim is not to simply get married, but you also want an enjoyable Christ-centered marriage.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20

Resist Christian men who have poor characters! Under those circumstances, singleness is surely better. The best thing that you can do for these men is to prayer for their deliverance and healing.

“The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16)

What kind of men have you met who you needed to resist?  Please comment below:) Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

‘Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It’ by Jerry B. Jenkins

‘The Mark of a Man: Following Christ’s Example of Masculinity’ by Elisabeth Elliot

Get my “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him” and more resources by completing the form below to get access to my resource library!