Elizabeth, a talented architect in her forties, was finding her faith affected by a lifetime of waiting. She had meticulously followed the dating advice, even paying for dating apps. Yet another birthday passed without the promise of marriage. Sitting alone in her squeaky-clean apartment, she sighed, “I can’t do this anymore”. Are you like Elizabeth? Have you given up hope of finding love when you’re older?

if you’re like me a few years ago, you might be looking at the dating landscape after your 30th birthday and thinking, “Is this ever going to happen?” “Am I going to find love now that I’m older?”

I got married later in life, and I know the thoughts that swirl around: “The good ones are taken.” or “My time is running out”. I get it. But here’s the truth I want to anchor you in today: God is not limited by your age. People get married in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. You can find love when you are older.

It’s a fact that the longer you wait, the fewer available single men there are. But with eight billion people in the world, it is absolutely not impossible for God to bring your guy to you. Someone else’s reality does not have to be your reality as well.

Here are 9 essential shifts to prepare yourself for a Christ-centered, God-honoring marriage:

1) Cultivate Humility and Resist Superiority.

As you become successful in your career and grow in spiritual maturity, it’s easy to unintentionally project an air of superiority, especially towards men. A healthy, respectable man does not want to be with a woman who constantly reminds him he is her inferior. He wants to know his leadership is valued and that he brings worth to the relationship.

Tip: Don’t boast about your salary, education, status or your vast biblical knowledge. Be intentional about practicing humility by happily serving others, even in tasks you might consider “beneath” your professional status. Open your eyes to see the value in the men around you and be their number one encourager. Slowly but surely, he will learn a lot about you without you having to boast.

2) Be Positive and Joyful.

At the end of the day, a man is asking himself, “Can I live with her?” As men get older, they generally seek peace, joy, and emotional stability, not stress. If a man feels good about being around you, he’ll be more inclined to want you to play a greater role in his life.

3) Be a Good Steward of Your Body.

Take care of the body God has given you. Exercise regularly and, just as importantly, eat healthily. Reduce your consumption of refined sugars and cut down on white flour. Taking care of your body is a way to honor God and make yourself a desirable and set-apart woman of God.

4) Grow Your Character Continuously.

Your reputation paves the way for you. A godly, gracious, merciful, and forgiving character is attractive. If a good man—perhaps a widower—is looking for a quality woman, would you enter his mind? You don’t need to attract ten men; you just need one good one.

Tip: Reflect on how you interact with people. Do you always have to win an argument or have the last word? Learn when to simply “zip your mouth” and listen to others, using your words for encouragement when you do speak. There’s a time to speak and a time to listen.

5) Deal with Blind Spots and Trauma Issues.

We all have blind spots, and we all carry trauma. If a trusted friend or family member points out an issue to you, don’t deny it. Deal with it. If you’ve had a bad history of relationships or a poor example of marriage from your parents, consider humbly seeking counseling or coaching. You need to give a good man a fair chance of having a healthy relationship with you.

6) Consider Men Who Are Younger or Single Again.

Be open-minded about the man God might bring into your life. You may need to consider men who are a little younger or men who are single again (widowers). Many good men in their 40s and older have never been married, or they’ve lost a loving wife and are now looking for companionship with a mature, spiritually-stable woman to compliment them for the next season of life. Yes, you can find love when you’re older!

7) Explore Dating Apps Strategically.

While meeting someone in person should always be your default, there’s nothing wrong with exploring dating apps to find love online. If you are serious, consider paying for the service. You’ll get better features and visibility, and it often signals a higher level of seriousness from the other users you encounter.

8) Prioritize Family and the Home.

If you have been hyper-focused on your career, it’s time to gain some skills useful for marriage. A man wants to know you can fit in with a family; that you are nurturing; and that you can care for others—whether they are his parents, children, or future grandchildren. You can be a career woman, but you must also learn to manage your home and not think housework is beneath you.

9) Keep Hope Alive.

Do not believe the lie that you are too old to get married. Keep hope alive that you can find love and continue to pray until the Lord takes you home or He returns. The preparation you need for marriage—growing your character, cultivating joy, and being a good steward of your body (to name a few)—is the same preparation you need for Christ’s return. Your efforts will not be wasted.

Summary

I know this journey can feel lonely, but you are not alone. The shifts we discussed are less about finding a man and more about becoming the woman of character who is prepared for him. Your mindset greatly affects how successful you are in the various aspects of your life. Undoubtedly, you can find love when you are older. Invest and adequately prepare for your future marriage, either on earth or to meet our ultimate Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

To recap,

Here are 9 essential shifts to prepare yourself for a Christ-centered, God-honoring marriage:

1. Cultivate Humility and Resist Superiority.
2. Be Positive and Joyful.
3. Be a Good Steward of Your Body.
4. Grow Your Character Continuously.
5. Deal with Blind Spots and Trauma Issues.
6. Consider Men Who Are Younger or Single Again.
7. Explore Dating Apps Strategically.
8. Prioritize Family and the Home.
9. Keep Hope Alive.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating

5 Tips To Make Yourself Look Great Online

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

Recommended Books:

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Find Love When You Are Older appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Another year is approaching and you’re still single. To add insult to injury, all your friends are posting engagement photos or gender reveal photos!

The journey of waiting for a godly spouse can be one of the most challenging and refining seasons of life. Drawing from personal experience and biblical wisdom, here are seven essential steps you can take to not only be patient while you wait on God, but to fully embrace and thrive in your singleness.

I thought that the ONLY reason that I was remaining single was because I was waiting on God. Slowly, I became aware of my own need to grapple with the truth about myself and the choices that I had made over the years. Just in case you might be in the same boat as I was, it is helpful to consider a few reasons you might still be single … other than it is God’s will.

• God is waiting for you to change key mindsets. This might involve becoming less rigid in your criteria for a spouse (e.g., only looking at men in full-time ministry like me!); being too hard to please or inflexible; continually being drawn to men who are “bad for you” while ignoring the good men already in your life; or being so fiercely independent that possible suitors get the impression that you don’t need a man in your life.
• A specific person is not ready. While not the norm, it’s possible that God has a specific person in mind, and neither you nor he is yet prepared for the commitment of marriage.
• The enemy is creating hindrances. The enemy does not want good, kingdom-building marriages between growing Christians and may be putting up spiritual obstacles that require intentional prayer.

While you may be waiting on God, God might, in fact, be waiting on you!

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1) Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).

Remember the most important marriage is the one you already have or are headed toward, that is to say, being a part of the Bride of Christ with Jesus as your Bridegroom. This eternal perspective is key to maintaining your sanity and joy. If you don’t marry on Earth, it is not the end of the world! You can still fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

2) Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.

Be brutally honest with yourself about the qualities you desire in a husband. Go through your list prayerfully and with a fine-tooth comb, determining if these items are truly essential or if they are based on vanity, cultural expectations, or unrealistic fantasies. Consider asking a biblically grounded, married Christian couple (married at least five years) to look at your list and help you discern the negotiables from the non-negotiables. While you wait on God, reconsider your “husband list”.

3) Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness

If you are constantly sad about being single, marriage may have become an idol in your life. This is not a healthy place to be. You need to dethrone the idol of marriage and replace it with Christ, the only one worthy of being the Lord of your life. Ask God to help you find contentment and joy in your current season. A joyful single woman who is open to marriage is far more attractive than a desperate one.

4) Make It a Matter of Prayer.

Praying regularly and specifically for your future husband (and asking others to pray for you) is vital. The enemy is actively working to prevent good Christians from uniting for marriage, so intentional, consistent prayer is a necessary defense against his schemes.

5) Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.

Maturing in every aspect of your life is the single most important thing you can do while waiting.

• Soak in God’s Word: The Bible is the ultimate tool for changing faulty mindsets; claiming promises; and repenting of sin. It is essential for Christian growth.
• Be in a Healthy Christian Community: Online services are not enough. You need to be in relationship and “doing life” with other believers to grow, which often involves conflict, encouragement, and accountability (to name a few).
• Find Mature Mentors: Ask God to bring a few mature Christian women (married or single) to disciple and mentor you while you wait on God for marriage.
• Be Wise About Media: Focus on wholesome books, podcasts, and materials that nurture your mind, body, and soul, helping you grow in your career and relationships. Be cautious of romance novels and fantasies—as one friend says, “The one in your bed is not the one in your head.” Fantasy can lead to dissatisfaction with a real, imperfect spouse when you get married.

6) Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.

Don’t let your life stall while you wait on God. Invest your time, emotional, and mental energy into serving others and building the Kingdom of God. Being involved in ministry and helping others grow can be deeply fulfilling and prevent you from being “overly crushed” by remaining single. Christ came not to be served, but to serve—find your joy in being like Him.

7) Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

In today’s age, we have over-complicated marriage. We’ve over-spiritualized some aspects and over-romanticized others (due to Hollywood and romance literature). Getting married doesn’t have to be that difficult. Focus on finding someone with similar Christian views; who is growing in their walk with the Lord; who is intentional about character development; and whose company you enjoy. Be willing to cut down on the man-made obstacles and barriers that prevent you from considering a good man while you wait on God.

In reality, the only sure way to know your time is near is when you are engaged and have a wedding date. While God may give you an impression, generally, people are clueless until they actually meet someone, the relationship gets serious, and a wedding date is set.

Summary

Remember: For the most part, God is waiting on us to become ready. He wants you to:

• Remove unrealistic expectations.
• Be more open to good men he has already connected you with.
• Deal with bad behavior, attitudes, and past traumas (like unaddressed rejection issues).
• Value marriage and family for what they are—a call that requires a willingness to “die to self”—rather than valuing career and independence too much

To recap,

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1. Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).
2. Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.
3. Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness.
4. Make It a Matter of Prayer.
5. Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.
6. Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.
7. Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Wait on God for Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Anna is the CEO. She runs things. As she ends her last call for the day, she starts thinking about that one conversation she and her fiancé Mark had with their pastor about pre-marital counseling… and that word kept coming up. Submission.

She almost laughed. She doesn’t submit to anyone! Her whole life is built on taking the lead, having the final word, being equal to—or better than—anyone else in the room. The thought of ‘submitting’ to a man, even a good man like Mark, makes her stomach clench. It feels like signing a contract to give up her power, to erase the woman she has fought so hard to become.

The word “submission” often carries a heavy, negative weight in today’s world. Many women, especially those with strong personalities or executive careers, fear it, seeing it as a surrender of equality or a path to being taken advantage of.

However, the Bible presents Christian submission not as a robotic duty or inferiority, but as a path to order, functionality, and protection—and most importantly, as a choice to honor Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24

As an executive-type of woman myself, I’ve learnt that submission is not awful at all! As a matter of fact, it’s quite freeing! From the wisdom of God’s Word and from my own personal experience, I will share with you the gems of biblical submission.

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband:

1. Submission Is Not Inferiority.

Submitting to a husband does not mean you are less than a man. The core of submission is functionality and order, not a matter of value. Submission was modeled by Christ. Jesus, who is the “image of the invisible God” (in Colossians 1:15) and equal with God, chose to humbly submit to God the Father, even to the point of dying on the cross. When I choose to submit to my husband, I am following the model of Jesus Christ.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” John 5:30 ESV

“And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.” John 8:29

Also, men and women have equal value. Both men and women are created equal in the image of God and therefore, we all have the same worth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV

Therefore, choosing to submit to your future husband does not diminish your worth in any form or fashion.

2. Submission is voluntary.

“Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-24

What does “subject” mean (or some translations use the word “submit”)?  Subject means to voluntarily relinquish your independent rights. Furthermore, a wife’s submission to her husband is not the same as a child obeying a parent or an employee obeying an employer. A husband cannot demand that you obey him because you’re not in a one-up one-down relationship with him. 

Let’s take Jesus’ example. Christ, in His own free will, chose to submit to the Father’s will, saying in John 5:30, ‘I can do nothing on my own… I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.’ “

You’re following the model of Christ—and that’s a position of immense strength, not weakness.

3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.

God has an order assigned to the family structure. It follows that a family will function better when God’s divine order is in operation. Let’s look around—you’ll see that this concept of order and structure, this act of yielding or submission, is actually evident everywhere in life! Children submit to parents; the Church submits to Christ; employees submit to their bosses; team members submit to the team leader; and all of us submit to our governing authorities. Order is important for all relationships and organisations to work well. Submission is an act of giving honor and respect so that we can all function optimally.

4. Mutual submission is biblical.

The Bible talks about mutual submission. 

“… Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 ESV

If we are all seeking to please God, and not ourselves, then we have to grow up and know that life does not revolve around us. If each of us has the mind to yield to one another, we would have much better relationships in the Body of Christ and in our Christian marriages.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How can God be glorified the most in this situation?
• Do I want my own way at the expense of others (your family, your team, your church, etc.)?

The world will not collapse if you don’t get your own way. 

In Hebrews 1:3, it says that “he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” However, if you cannot come to an agreement, yield to your husband and then bend your knee in prayer. You can NEVER EVER go wrong in praying to the Almighty God. Either God will change your mind; change your husband’s mind or change the situation. I’m a firm believer in the power of praying to God! You don’t need to resort to a temper tantrum like crying, screaming, yelling, whining or refusing to budge!

5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, .. ”Ephesians 5:22-25

A husband’s primary command is greater and more demanding because God has made him the head of the wife. God has given husbands the responsibility to protect and provide for their wives and their children. Our part is to submit to our husbands as they obey God to lead their families.

A godly man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even being willing to die for her. This is a man who recognizes his wife is an absolute treasure. God will hold him accountable for how he treats her. A godly husband is committed to loving and being obedient to the Lord. When you marry a man who truly loves God, he will try his best to love you and over time, he will get better at it! Submission is good because following God’s principles brings about blessings and protection.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the man you’re interested in:

• Is God’s character evident in his life?
• Does his conduct show love & humility?
• Does he have a mutually submissive attitude? 
• Does he love God and hate sin?

6. Submission has wise boundaries.

Submission never means submitting to sin or abuse. When you encounter a man who believes submission means you must disobey God in order to obey him, that is not biblical. His aim is to manipulate you for his own selfish gain. God is the Higher Power. Your first submission is always to God.

If your future husband commands something that is against the word of God—such as lying, abusive behavior, or immorality—you must choose to submit to God instead. Whatever you choose to submit to, it should line up with the Word of God and the character of God.

Before marriage, here are some warning signs:

• He’s okay with you lying about the relationship.
• He sees nothing wrong with being sexually active before marriage.
• He has become physically abusive to you. Healthy boundaries are protection. As you grow in health and healing in your walk with God, you will learn to set and protect proper boundaries with everyone—your boss, co-workers, and even your future husband. When you are a healthy person, people are less likely to take advantage of you.

7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

If you are a strong, executive-type of woman, becoming comfortable with submission starts at the very top, that is, surrender to God. The first battle is choosing to surrender your life to the Lordship of Christ and submitting to His word, His ways, and His will.

This is rooted in trusting that God is sovereign, in control, and wants the best for you. When you know God is for you, who can truly be against you?

Summary

Submission is not a weakness. It is an act of wisdom and faith, a choice that follows the model of Jesus Christ. Choose a man who is for God, so that he can be for you.

To recap,

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband, as explored in the Word and lived out in my personal experience:

1. Submission is not inferiority.
2. Submission is voluntary.
3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.
4. Mutual submission is biblical.
5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.
6. Submission has wise boundaries.
7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Proven Steps to Get Your Busy Life Under Control

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post Why Submission Is Not a Dirty Word appeared first on Petals Bloom.

But … How well are you doing for your practical preparation for marriage?  Statistics show that the divorce rate among Christians are at least fifty percent.  How did we even get there?  One of the main causes is that we are ill-prepared for marriage.  After coming to Christ, marriage is probably the next important life-altering commitment that you will make.

Here are 7 practical tips to do now to transition from single to married without stress:

1) Develop a prayer life.

The enemy of our souls wants to destroy all marriages, but I figure he finds extra pleasure in destroying marriages between Christians.  He knows that a Christ-centered couple will be focused on building the Kingdom of God and as such, it will affect his plans.  

Hence, marriage is a battlefield which is best fought on “our knees” in prayer to our God who is all-powerful.  To me, prayer is the most powerful weapon that a married Christian woman has at her disposal.  If she doesn’t pray, stress will be her daily portion.  A wise woman will spend more time praying and less time quarrelling, manipulating or complaining.  Believe me, when God intervenes, the whole story changes!

Therefore, as a single woman, it is in your best interest to develop the habit of praying as a way of life NOW … while you are still single.  If you have a habit of taking everything to God in prayer, your transition from single to married will be filled with tranquility and joy instead of a whole heap of drama.

2) Learn to manage a house well.

Blessed are the singles who know how to manage a house well. Parents do their adult children (males and females) a major disservice when the adults cannot effectively take care of themselves and a house.  If you do not know how to manage yourself and a home now,  when you get married, you will find yourself struggling and drowning with responsibilities for which you are ill-prepared to handle. Besides emotional and physical intimacy, marriage brings work!

Here are things to master while you are single:

• Making up your bed.
• Washing your clothes.
• Preparing meals regularly.
• Managing your finances well.
• Ironing your clothes.
• Cleaning the entire house.
• Maintaining a cleaning schedule.
• Buying groceries.
• Paying bills.

For those of you with a helper or the house management belongs to others, you need to do yourself (and your spouse) a big favor and start doing these things for yourself.  You can learn when you get married, but the huge adjustments might frustrate you and your future husband.  Master what you can now (except sex! lol).  The adjustment in marriage will be easy for you if you know how to skillfully manage the various aspects of your life and a home.

3) Know and understand yourself well.

Your season of singleness is the perfect time to get to know yourself intimately – your gifts, your love languages, your strengths and weaknesses and the like.  I’ve done many tests throughout the years and I have compiled a list for you “The Top Five Resources You Need To Get Started on Understanding Yourself Right Now”.

Some benefits of knowing yourself well:

• Discern the kind of man you can live with; 
• Know what you can live with and what will drive you “crazy”;
• Have healthy boundaries;
• Know why you react to certain triggers; and
• What makes you feel most loved and how to communicate that to your future husband.

Don’t forget to get your “The Top Five Resources You Need To Get Started on Understanding Yourself Right Now”!

4) Make self-care a priority.

As a woman, it is important that you feel comfortable with your body.  Understanding that your value comes from God should propel you to take good care of yourself.  Undoubtedly, self-care is a demonstration of being a good steward of your absolutely fine vessel.  

Some self-care ideas:

• Manicure
• Pedicure 
• Shaving/waxing 
• Exercising (sex requires energy!)
• Massages
• Facials
• Hair grooming

When you feel good about your body, you can confidently allow your future husband to enjoy it also.  Being comfortable with your body will help you to be “naked and unashamed” with your future husband.  

5) Spend time with couples who have healthy marriages.

Did anything surprise me when I got married?  Not really.  The reason is that I spent a lot of time with a married couple and their family.  They “discipled me into marriage” (so to speak).  I saw firsthand how they interacted; how they managed conflicts (good and not so good ways); the way in which their relationship with Jesus was their foundation for every decision; their commitment to “divorce is not an option” and so much more. 

I saw so much of what a real marriage is that I went into marriage soberly.  I have also learnt from my parents who have been married for over forty years. Since my father was not a Christian, I learnt from my mother the power of commitment as she lived 1 Corinthians 7:13.  However, it was good to see a marriage where Jesus is the center of both the husband and wife.  Then, I’m also surrounded by other couples who have good marriages. 

“And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.” 1 Corinthians 7:13  NIV

6) Take responsibility for your life.

Children should not get married.  Yet, there are so many married adults who are like children.  They have not grown up.  Sometimes we want the privileges of adulthood but not the responsibilities. If you want to transition from single to married without stress, you need to embrace adulthood.

Mindset of healthy adults:

• Take ownership of your life.
• Not a victim mentality.
• Do not blame others.
• Choose how you will think and act.
• Learn to accept constructive criticism from others.
• Fully responsible for your life under God.
• Can take action.
• Do not need permission from your parents.
• Have healthy boundaries.
• Exercise freedom to say “yes”, “no” or any other response.
• Understand and accept that actions have consequences.
• Able to manage stress and handle life’s difficulties.
• Can voice an opinion.

7) Read good books about marriage and men.

Before I was married, I read a lot about being a single woman, relationships with men and marriage.  They are paying off. If you want to transition from single to married easily, educate yourself. Without a doubt, the best book on marriage is the Bible since the husband and wife relationship parallels the relationship between Christ and the church. Check out “My Favourite Books for Single Christian Women” in my resource library which you can freely access here.

Related articles:

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

Accept Him as He Is | 6 Convincing Reasons

7 Ways A Close Female Friend Can Prepare You For Marriage

5 Actions to Help Him Become The Best Future Husband

Your transition from single to married does not have to be like Disney’s Rock & Roller Coaster ride which can make your head spin and leave you sick to the stomach.  Furthermore, you don’t have to be running around “like a chicken without a head” because your life is in turmoil because of all the changes. Start changing your habits and mindsets now and it will be an easy transition for you.  Channel some of your efforts that you would expend for your career enhancement to preparing for marriage. It will be worth it!

Even if you never get married, applying all of these tips will enhance your life.

Are you actively preparing for marriage? What other advice would you like to offer? What changes do you need to make? Please comment below and let me know!  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get your “The Top Five Resources You Need To Get Started on Understanding Yourself Right Now” by completing the form below!

The post How to transition from single to married without stress! appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Can you help your boyfriend or fiancé become the best future husband that he can be?

Claudia was about to give up on finding the man of her dreams.  Then boom … out of the blue (it seems), she has met Robert.  Things are going pretty well.  Her head is spinning with excitement and even disbelief.  

She certainly wants a marriage where Christ is honored.  Now, she’s wondering what is her role in helping him to become the best future husband that he can be.

Here are 5 wise actions to help him become the best future husband:

1) Pray regularly for him.

According to Stormie Omartian of “The Power of a Praying Wife Book of Prayers”, ‘prayer is the ultimate love language.’  I tend to agree.  Praying for your boyfriend or fiancé from the beginning of the relationship will reap tremendous earthly and eternal rewards.  If you truly want the best for him, then he needs your prayers more than anything physical.  

My friend advised me to get the book and begin to use it to guide my prayers for my husband-to-be.  I think it was the best pre-marital advice that I received.  Within a short time, I saw changes in him and in me.  When you begin to pray for someone else, God also changes your heart.  He wins and you win because no one escapes from God’s transforming power.

2) Encourage him to be involved in a community of believers (like a local church).

Participation in a Bible-believing church is a must for all believers seeking to truly follow Jesus, including your boyfriend or fiancé.  No church is perfect and in its imperfection, a believer becomes mature. 

Benefits of a local church:

• Be among believers of all ages;
• Opportunities to serve others;
• Be taught by preachers and teachers of the Word;
• Protection from attacks and deception of the enemy;
• Surrounded by people who will pray for him;
• Learn to be faithful;
• Mentored by older, more spiritually-mature men;
• Opportunity to give financially; 
• To be known and loved;
• Help him to become the best future husband;

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25

3) Encourage him to participate in a small group Bible study.

A man can get lost in a church, especially if it is large.  Therefore, he needs a place where he can be ‘intimately’ known and belong; where he has a voice and his opinions are respected; where he can go deep in God’s Word; be challenged in his views; share his opinions; and debate with others.  A small group Bible study provides this kind of environment.  

I think most men prefer when it’s all male.  Have you ever noticed that in a small group Bible study with both men and wome that women do the most talking?  Hence, there is a place for men-only meetings.

An example from real life.

I know a group of five single guys and one married man who met regularly for discussions and prayer many years ago.  When each of the single men was interested in or courting a lady, he was placed in the “hot seat” from time to time.  He was questioned about his intentions toward her; how he was dealing with sexual temptation and the like. 

When the five single guys got married, the wives joined the group.  Throughout the years, their friendships have continued to enhance their individual walks with God and their marriages.

If more of our men were to have relationships like these, more men would treat their girlfriends and later wives more honorably.  Additionally, you want him to be in close relationship with married men who are good husbands and fathers so that they can rub off on him.

4) Support his friendship with his male best friend.

Even if he doesn’t have a group of men like in point 3, he absolutely needs a Christian friend who is like a brother.  

5 reasons your future husband needs a Christian male best friend:

• Accountability – to hold him responsible for this choices and actions;
• Strength- to help him to be strong when life becomes difficult;
• Encouragement – to give support and confidence when he feels like giving up;
• Prayer partner – to pray him through weaknesses and failures;
• Acceptance – a ‘place’ where he is comfortable sharing openly;

If he doesn’t have any close male Christian friends, I would suggest that you don’t waste time.  Start praying ASAP!  Someone will influence him and you don’t want the influence to come from fools.  Remember your goal is the best future husband and not one who will have you constantly on your knees because he’s foolish.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”  Proverbs 13:20 ESV

5) Pray and encourage a good relationship with his father.

The greatest influence on a man, besides God, is his father.  Society might downplay this, but whether a father is present or absent affects the emotional and mental health of an individual.  Important to note that fathers help turn boys into men.  Additionally, it is also impacts the way he views and relates to God, his heavenly Father.  

If he has a good strong relationship with this father, pray that it stays that way.  If not, pray for healing and reconcilation.  Undoubtedly, your prayers can play a big part in this resolution.  If his father has already died, pray that God heals his heart and places a godly father-figure in his life.  However, also pray that this “new” relationship is healthy because his need for identity and validation can cause an imbalanced relationship with this substitute father.

Related Articles:

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity 

Is He Showing Interest? 10 Pointers to Keep Your Confidence Intact

Summary 

Without a doubt, the above steps will help your boyfriend to be the best future husband that he can be.  Even if you don’t end up marrying him, another woman will benefit.  As a kingdom-minded woman, you will be content that you have made those positive contributions to another family.

What other actions can you take to help your boyfriend or fiance to be the best future husband that he can be?  What advice have you heard from other married men?  Are there observations that you have personally made?  Comment below and share with us all. 

How would you know if you found a good fit for you (job, friend or husband) if you don’t even know who you are?!?  Don’t delay …  get your questionnarie today!  

My aim is to help each of you thrive during this season of singleness in every key area of your life.  If you would like that support, subscribe and join the “Petals Bloom” community.  You will receive weekly emails from me.  

As a welcome gift, your free “Know Yourself” questionnaire will be delivered right into your inbox.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

Love,

Kimberly Garth 

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

Recommended Book:

“The Power of a Praying Wife Book of Prayers” by Stormie Omartian 

The post 5 Actions to Help Him Become The Best Future Husband appeared first on Petals Bloom.

When “Betty” first met “Sheri” at a beach social, she never would have guessed that “Sheri” would become an integral part of her life over the next ten years.  An onlooker might admire their friendship, but both know their relationship has stood many and various testings.  They have learnt many valuable lessons that would be helpful as they move from singleness to marriage.

In a marriage, your husband becomes your best friend.  If you were to learn the following principles when you’re single, you’ll be better prepared for marriage.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 ESV

Here are 7 ways a close female friend can prepare you for marriage: 

1) Forgiveness becomes a way of relating.

In any relationship where there is growing openness, you will unavoidably hurt one another.  Even if you’re a woman who “cannot even kill an ant”, believe me, you have the power to cause great pain in any close friendship.  That’s just life and the nature of human relationships.  

As such, no healthy relationship can survive without true forgiveness … over and over and over again.  A close friendship with a female friend is a very good place to learn how to extend forgiveness and receive forgiveness from someone who is not blood-related.  In essence, an attitude of forgiveness prevents your heart from becoming hard.

To safeguard a marriage from separation and divorce, forgiveness has to become a way of life.  Without a doubt, forgiveness gets easier when you make the habit of it.  A close female friend will give you good practice! It can prepare you for marriage.

2) Learn to be yourself with someone who is not related to you.

You can be totally comfortable in your own “skin” with your family members.  For the most part, your family knows you inside and outside.  They are well acquainted with all your “dirty” ways and they still love you.  

With a close friend, you have to risk rejection by allowing them into your life, into your heart and into your way of thinking.  As you begin to share your life with your close female friend, you can experience acceptance and closeness with someone else outside your family.  It’s good preparation for a husband with whom you need to let down your guard and become “naked and unashamed”.

“And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Genesis 2:25 ESV

3) Persevere in love.

Before my friendship with my closest female friend “Hannah”, I felt rejected by other women who I thought would be my perfect “bosom buddy”.  Therefore, I was no longer keen on this “best friend” concept.  Then, one day after resolving a conflict, we decided to fight for our friendship whatever battles may come (and they came ferociously and frequently, I may add!).  Through the ups and downs, our friendship has passed every destructive threat to our relationship and made it stronger.

Are you someone who has formed a habit of running away from relationships when things get rough?  Then, you may need to work on sticking with your female friend before you even consider a romantic relationship with a man.  Believe it or not, you actually have more in common with a woman (with similar values) than a man because you’re a woman too (just had to spell that out). The right female friend can prepare you for marriage.

4) Understand the importance of conflicts in building strong relationships.

Although it is easier to avoid conflicts, relationships are strengthened by them.  Through every conflict, you learn more about yourself and your friend.  More importantly, you learn how to love unconditionally.  When you resolve the conflict, it adds another level of depth to the friendship.  The more you and your friend work through conflicts and love one another, the stronger the friendship becomes. 

This is exactly the kind of skills that you need in a healthy marriage.  You need to have the mindset that conflicts can draw you closer instead of apart.  With every trial that a marital relationship faces, the love should deepen between the husband and wife because they share a knowledge and journey with one another that no one else understands.

5) Loyalty is crucial.

Any true friendship must be characterized by allegiance to the other person.  There should be no back-biting with others external to the friendship.  In a healthy friendship, you learn to keep your mouth shut.  When you have conflict with each other, you seek to resolve it between you and your friend.  You want others to think well of your close friend.  (However, there might be instances where you need the insight and intervention of a third party, but check your heart condition before you share.)

In a marriage, it is crucial that you and your spouse feel safe.  No man will feel secure knowing that his wife is bad-mouthing him with others.  If you develop the habit of keeping secrets and protecting the reputation of your female best friend, your loyalty should translate into your marital relationship as well.  You husband and marriage will be blessed because of it.

NOTE: If abuse is involved, you should seek help from external parties.  That should not be kept a secret.

6) Learn to love unconditionally.

God loves us unconditionally and He also wants to love each other through the power of His Holy Spirit.  A friendship with your close female friend will certainly test this love many times over.  When you choose to love each other when either one of you is unkind and unloving, you are learning to love unconditionally. 

In a marriage, you’ll need this depth of love toward your husband.  If you learn this with your close female friend, it’ll be easier to love your husband unconditionally.  

7) See your own flaws.

In your own family, you can relax and not deal with your own selfishness.  Your siblings and your parents might tell you, but you might ignore it.  Or, they can get so used to your bad ways, that they accept it as part of who you are.  However, your best friend may not understand or accept it so easily and may bring it to your attention.  

“Hannah”: “Kimberly, do you realise that you have a tendency to be revengeful?”  

Me: “Who me?”

I was stunned because no one had ever told me that before and I was personally unaware of that tendency.  Subsequently, I began to become more self-aware and it dawned on me that I was in fact, very revengeful.  By the grace and help of God, I’ve grown in this area.  

Close female friendships are a good starting ground for marriage because it shows you some of your flaws.  God can use it to help prepare you for marriage. Get comfortable with that kind of revelation as a single woman because marriage is a whole different level in revealing the real you.  Unlike any other relationship, marriage shows you how selfish you really are.  

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Proverbs 27:6

Related Articles

8 Crucial Mindsets for Having a Female Best Friend 

How to Carefully Choose a Close Female Friend | 5 Tips

When Your Best Friend Gets Married | 6 Tips to Keep Your Friendship Alive

Summary

“Friendships with women are more trouble than they’re worth,” is often said by many women who have suffered hurt from other women.  I also could have had that stance until I decided to try again.  Both “Hannah” and I have matured as followers of Jesus Christ as a result.  I’m grateful to God for helping us to persevere when we wanted to give up on our friendship.  Not only has the friendship helped me in my relationship with God, it has also prepared me to enjoy my new marriage.

Do you have a close female friend who is helping to grow up?  Or do you have a “bitter taste in your mouth” due to painful friendships with women?  In what other ways do you see that your close friend can help prepare you for marriage?  Please comment below and share your thoughts and experiences.  We can all be enriched because of your contribution.

One of my greatest treasures in this life is investing in the lives of other women.  As a result, I’d love to help you to further develop your relationship with God; enjoy your journey as a single woman; reach your full potential as a woman; serve the Lord faithfully; and prepare you for the awesome godly man that you may meet some day.  If this sounds good to you, subscribe and I will seek to help you as best as I can with the help of God.  Also, you will receive a list of “My Favorite Books for Single Christian Women” when you subscribe.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

Love,

Kimberly Garth 

The post 7 Ways A Close Female Friend Can Prepare You For Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

“Sheila” was hoping that they would get married soon, but “Richie” has decided that he wants to pursue further studies first.  A wedding is not likely to happen for a few years still.  

What should “Sheila” do?  Should she continue in this long courtship with “Richie” or would it be better to move on?

My story

One day, a friend mentioned to me that long courtships rarely end in marriage.  At that time, I was in a courtship for at least four years.  I thought to myself that my “Richie” and I will not be a part of that statistic.  Undoubtedly, our relationship was strong enough to take us into wedded bliss.  

After-all, we were two dedicated Christians who sought God’s guidance from day one of our budding romance.  However, about a year later, our relationship also ended to our dismay.  After that breakup, I felt like I had lost a part of me.

Survey Results

The University of Texas in Austin conducted a survey following 168 couples since the 1980s.  The results show that couples who have courted for an average of eighteen months (including around half of that time being engaged) stayed together for the long-term.

Here are four no-nonsense reasons to rethink long courtship:

1) Increasing temptation to engage sexually.

When a man and woman are romantically involved, their desire for sexual intimacy increases as their love blossoms.  They have a choice – either to submit to their sexual appetites or to restrain themselves.

With the blurred lines between foreplay and sexual intercourse, many Christian couples find themselves engaging in sexual activity before marriage, as an outward expression of their love.  Since they are not ready to get married, they submit to their passions rather than “burn”. 

“It just happened?”

Too often, we hear the phrase “it just happened” when a pregnancy occurs.  However, that is stretching the truth.  Penetration doesn’t just happen between two consenting adults. 

It is highly impossible to go from holding hands straight to penetration in one swift transition!  Foreplay must have been taking place to increasing degrees between the couple.

Therefore, many Christian couples in long courtships have chosen to become sexually involved instead of getting married.  

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”  1 Corinthians 7:8-9 ESV

Possible Solution: 

Focus on building good friendships with him, as well as other men.  You will be less likely to engage in sexual activity when you are only friends with a guy.  The concept of “friends with benefits” is pure foolishness.  Our bodies are connected to our hearts, minds and souls, so don’t fall for that lie.

Related articles:

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

How Far is Too Far | 6 Naked Questions to Ask Yourself 

2) One person becomes ready for marriage while the other is not.

In most long courtships, one person will become impatient with the process and will want to get married sooner.  That person is usually the woman since she’s likely the one to be most concerned about her biological clock. 

She begins to ask the following questions:

• Is he really serious about me?
• Will we ever get married?
• Am I wasting my time with him?
• Should I move on?

Doubts begin to rise in her which places significant pressure on the relationship.  Either the man will give into her desires (probably resentfully since he wasn’t ready); the relationship will end; or they’d continue along with growing resentment between them.

On the other hand, it could also be the man who becomes ready first as more and more women are more career-oriented than family-oriented.  There are men who prioritize and value marriage and family more than their female companions.

Possible Solution: 

Don’t enter a romantic relationship now if you (or him) have no plans for marriage in the near future.  Enjoy your friendship with him. If you (or him) desire to marry sooner, there will be no pressure to convince the other person; give ultimatums; execute a guilt trip and do any other less desirable actions.  

Additionally, another winsome guy may come along who is ready for marriage when you are also ready.  Life and decisions become more simpler when you’re not tied into a long courtship.

3) Risk the loss of passion.

For the Christian couple who chooses to refrain from any form of sexual indulgence, a long courtship will likely cause a numbing of their sexual desire in order to cope.

In particular, for a man, his sexual passion for the woman dies a slow death.  In his mind, she moves into the friend zone.  The eventual outcome is that he loses his interest to marry her.  It’s only a matter of time before the courtship ends. 

Possible Solution: 

Preserve your sexual desirability and self-confidence by being friends with him and others. If you never marry him, no loss to both of you.

4) You will change as the years go by.

As you are maturing and changing, there might be a growing gap between you and him.  Then, you might realize that the guy to whom you are committed is not the best fit for the woman you have become.  You might break it off… leaving the poor guy heartbroken.  (But that’s better than marrying him though!)

Or, you might continue along and feel an increasing sense of dissatisfaction.  To complicate matters, you might meet an incredible guy who is more your complementary fit.  

(Note: When you get married, change or no change, you stick with your husband. Don’t even entertain thoughts that another man will fit you better!)

Possible Solution:  

Use your singleness years to become the best you.  When you do become ready, you’ll be better at discerning which guy is your complimentary fit at that point in time.  It is better to go into marriage with desire, admiration and respect for the man you marry. 

Related articles:

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” Song of Songs 8:4 ESV

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23 ESV

Summary

Ladies, trust God with your love life.  There is a better option than getting stuck in a long courtship.  Being in a romantic relationship should not be your identity. Rather, focus on understanding and embracing your identity in Christ which is superbly better.

Use your freedom to develop into a woman that God wants You to be.  Life is full of wonderful opportunities when you’re single and disengaged.  So if you have no immediate plans of marriage, embrace your singleness and enjoy it fully!  

A happy attractive confident woman of God will always be in demand by sensible men.  So if you miss out on “Richie”, there might be a future with “Charlie”, “Smithie” or “Billie”.  But don’t be too picky! Lol

For more tips on following Christ as a single Christian woman, subscribe and receive my weekly emails.  Also, you’ll receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist when you subscribe.

If you want a gem of a man, you need to also be a gem of a woman.  Check out “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist and discover the areas that you need to work on from now.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended books:

“Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control” by Elisabeth Elliot

“Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret” by Paula Rinehart

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 4 No-Nonsense Reasons to Rethink A Long Courtship  appeared first on Petals Bloom.

While “Sarah” was away for college, she met “Jack” at a barbeque event.  He immediately caught her attention, but their first interaction was limited. Shortly after, they became friends on Facebook.  From time to time, they saw each other since they were in similar social circles.  

“Jack” grew to admire her and so did his interest, but he mistook her shyness for disinterest.  So he moved on.

Eventually, “Sarah” returned to her home country.  There was no more communication with “Jack” for a few years.  Then, “Jack” re-entered “Sarah’s” life and they hit it off. However, this time they were separated by land and sea.  

As they got to know each other better through regular conversations, they became intimate friends and their love for each other began to blossom.  Would their long distance relationship survive?

My story

My husband is from Jamaica and I’m from Trinidad and Tobago.  Like “Sarah” and “Jack”, our love grew when we were apart. For roughly two years, our relationship was a long distance one.  Then, we got married. Yay!

Here are 14 practical tips for a successful long distance relationship:

1. Commitment to each other.

Both of you need to know the level of commitment involved.  Before you proceed to commit your heart to any man (long distance or not), ensure that you both are committed to the end goal of marriage.  If you’re not moving toward marriage, a friendship will suffice.  Therefore, you can continue as a happy single disengaged woman.  

Remember that you’re too precious for a “situationship.”  Check out “Situationship” or Relationship … 5 Reasons It Should be Clear.” 

2. Make the relationship a priority.

If you both agree that the end goal is marriage, it’s important that you make the relationship a priority.  Talk about your future together and set goals for the relationship. 

Although he’s not present, be faithful to him in your heart and actions. Flirting with other men is out of the question for a godly woman. Give him no room to begin to distrust you. A healthy marriage thrives on mutual trust.

If he’s extremely jealous and insecure, then that’s a whole different matter.

3. Arrange to meet physically regularly.

You can feel close to a person through online means, but for the relationship to grow and to be nurtured, you need to be in each other’s physical space from time to time.  The regularity of meeting will depend on factors like money, distance, work commitment, vacation days and the like. 

Regularly meeting in real life will allow you both to know and understand each other better.  You cannot love who you do not truly know.  Also, meet in both countries … sometimes his and sometimes yours.  You need to see him in his natural environment and vice versa.  Remember that if you see disturbing warning signs, take them seriously and put an end to the relationship.  

For instance, if on a visit, you notice that he treats his mother and sisters with contempt and disrespect, then you will know that he will eventually treat you in the same manner.  It’s time for “Jack” to hit the road. You will never know some things by communicating only online.

Also, even when you are together in real life, give yourselves space to breathe. Times apart would be healthy individually and relationally for both of you.

4. Schedule weekly “dates”.

Since you’re not in the same physical space, you need to be intentional about carving out unrushed time for each other.  Try to choose a time that is convenient for both of you.  It would not be good if one person is constantly falling asleep during your dates.  

During this time, give each other your undivided attention.  Make it fun and interesting and give it variety.  If you do video, try to look decent, but real (like no false eyelashes!).  

Here are some suggestions:

• Talk about your past week – highlights and low points and discuss why.
• Do tests – personality tests, love languages test, etc.
• Cover the 36 Questions That Lead To Love.
• Share what God has been teaching you.
• Pray for each other.
• Share memories.
• Watch a movie online together.
• Play online games together.

Take advantage of this level of communication.  When there’s no opportunity for sexual indulgence, you can get really get to know each other deeply.  You need to know that men generally talk less after marriage (few exceptions) so take advantage of this benefit of a long distance relationship.  In courtship, he’s willing to talk about anything under the sun!

5. Pray for him.

This goes without saying.  An important ministry that you will have as a wife is to pray for your husband.  It’s best you start praying from now!  Do not underestimate what this will do for him, your relationship and your future marriage.  

When I became engaged, I bought a copy of “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian and began to pray.  I kid you not… in a relatively short pace of time, I began to see positive changes in my fiancé and myself.  Now that I’m married, it sits right next to my Bible to guide my prayers for him.

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” James 5:16b

6. Share your life with him.

This means giving him an idea of your schedule – when you’re going to work; when you have classes; when you have arrived home; etc.  It’s just common courtesy.  Since he’s in another country, you have to intentionally share your life with him.  Also, he wants to know that you’re safe and sound. 

Sharing your life would also include talking about present and past trivial and significant situations; how they made you feel; your reactions; what you disliked; what you appreciated, what you learnt, information about your family and close friends, and the like. In essence, you want him to know the real you. 

Courtship (even long distance courtship) is a preparation for marriage.  Therefore, you need to begin sharing more and more of your life together (except the bed!).

7. Send pics (decent) and videos. 

Men are very visual so this helps to keep the interest alive.  He’s interacting with other single women in his life, so you need to go the extra mile to remind him how adorable you are (your looks, mannerisms, voice, etc.).  Remind him constantly!  

I’m not very good at taking my own pics, so this was a challenge for me. When I did remember to take a photo, he was ever so pleased.

Also, have memorabilia that reminds you of each other like photos, tokens (like a bracelet) and hand-written cards.

8. Don’t go to bed angry.

Better practice this from now!  If you two are being real, disagreements will come.  Even though it’s a long distance relationship, you need to implement biblical ways of handling conflict and dealing with anger and frustration.  

With a long distance relationship, it’s very easy to “punish” the other person when there’s a disagreement. You simply end the phone or stop writing which is a lot easier to do than if the person was physically next to you.  Undoubtedly, habits developed in courtship will most likely continue in marriage.

God bless my husband for his strength in this area.  He insisted that we had to resolve the issue amicably (at least to the point of not being upset) before going to bed.  Admittedly, I was the one who needed to grow in this area.

9. Be considerate and respect boundaries.

Depending on the time difference, you may need to talk for a shorter time during a work week so that he can function well at work.  If it’s 8:00pm in your country and midnight in his country, you cannot reasonably expect to speak with him for four hours if he has to go to work for 8:00am!  

Also, when he has to go to work, it’s not a good time to start a long intense conversation about something that is bothering you.  If it’s not a life and death matter, leave it for later. As a single woman, you need to learn to manage your emotions from now, regardless of how intense they may feel at the time.

Remember that love acts in the best interest of the other person.

10. Learn to understand and adapt to the other person.

Listen carefully to him when he speaks and when he relates a situation.  What makes him happy? How does he feel respected? What are his fears? Are you beginning to discern some of his strengths and weaknesses?  What do you do that irritates him? In what way can you begin to support him? How can you encourage him?

11. Have fun!

Enjoy your conversations.  Sometimes, it will be intense, but you cannot want to talk about how hurt you are all the time.  After a stressful day at work, he wants to de-stress and have a conversation with the most charming and enjoyable woman in the world who makes him feel like he’s the luckiest man in the world.  You can even have pet names for each other.  

12. Ensure they meet your family and friends when they visit.

When you visit each other, you need to be around his family and friends and vice versa.  It will be very unwise to spend all your time alone together because it will limit your true knowledge of each other.  

Besides, your loved ones would be better at discerning his character and intentions than you would be.  They are there for your protection so please give them that opportunity. 

13. Show your love.

Learn to speak his love language.  For all men, words of affirmation ranks high.  As such, let him know OFTEN what you admire about him and how much you respect him.  Ladies, men absolutely love this! Read “Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs.

Also, let him see that you’re important to him by messaging him intermittently throughout the day.  It shows that you care for him and that you are thinking about him.  But don’t overdo it. You’re not needy and you have a life besides him.

Other helpful tips:

• Like and comment on his social media posts.
• Acknowledge and appreciate any references made about you.
• Send gifts on special occasions.
• Surprise him.

14. Don’t neglect your current relationships.

With a long distance relationship, it is tempting to spend all your waking moments with him.  Resist that temptation!  That borders on obsession and it gives him the impression that “my-life-is-all-about-you”.  A healthy godly man will soon tire of that. 

Therefore, you still need to invest and nurture your relationships with God, your family, your friends and yourself.  Put down the phone and spend time with your parents.  Go out with your friends and have a fantastic time. Spend time reading or doing beauty treatments.  As a matter of fact, resist the urge to constantly check your phone.  He can wait and you can have self-control.  In the long run, he would appreciate that you had boundaries and balance.

Related Articles:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating [Streaming Love Series Part 1]

When The Guy You Like is a Foreigner | 6 Sober Insights [Streaming Love Series Part 2]

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

Summary

Long distance relationships are becoming more common as people study abroad; travel more for work and pleasure; and date online.  It’s not to be feared, but instead, make adjustments to your thinking and put measures in place for a successful relationship.  

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?  Are you open to it? What advice would you give for its success?  I’d love to hear your views. Comment below so that we can all learn from one another.

If you’d like to receive other tips to grow as a single Christian woman, subscribe and I’ll send you short weekly engaging emails.  Also, you will receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist in your Inbox.

It’s never too early or too late to know where you are at emotionally and begin your journey to become an emotionally healthy woman of God.  Everyone in your life would be super thankful!:)

Thanks for stopping by!

#madetolove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 14 Proven Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship appeared first on Petals Bloom.

In a time when over 50% of Christian marriages are failing, mature Christian men want better marriages. As such, they are looking for a different type of woman.

“Sammy” was captivated by the beauty and sexiness of “Leila”. It was amazing the way she held his attention. 

As a follower of Christ, he initially wanted to marry a woman who was all-sold out for Christ … a woman like his mother. But then he met “Leila”. Quickly, he knew she wasn’t exactly want he wanted. Although she was religious, she was not devoted to Christ. But as time progressed, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. To him, what was most important was that she respected his beliefs. 

Then they got married. “Sammy” realized that he needed more than physical attractiveness and religious tolerance. In fact, he needed someone who knew God and whose values were influenced by the Word of God. He had bounced his head. 

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 

Lesson from a mature elderly Christian man …

Several years ago, I had the pleasure of hearing an elderly man “Timothy” speak glowingly of his wife of 50 plus years. He said that she was more beautiful than when he married her. In his eyes, all her wrinkles, frail body, grey hair and sagging skin did not prevent him from seeing and treasuring the true beauty that came from a woman wholly devoted to Christ. 

Thankfully, there are still available single mature Christian men like “Timothy” who want a woman with unfading inner beauty. Undoubtedly, he will not fall for the “Delilah’s” of our time. These mature Christian men are on the lookout for women who intentionally nurture an inner beauty that only increases as they age.  Will you be that kind of woman?

Here are 5 qualities that mature Christian men want beside physical attractiveness:

1) A gentle woman. 

What does it mean to be gentle? It is power under subjection. In essence, gentleness is the ability to harness your strength for the good of others. Therefore, it is motivated by love. As a woman, you are a very powerful creature. With this power, you can submit it to God and use it for good. Or, you can use the power to destroy the men in your life. It’s your choice. 

There are two main ways in which your power can be shown:

A) Your lips. 

If a woman learns the art of speaking words that convey admiration and respect to the men in her life, she’ll have men wanting to be in her presence, whether it be her family or friends. A woman with no control of her tongue will have men running (including relatives). Believe me, I’m all too familiar (sad to say) with using my words as a weapon.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1

B) Your body (see next point). 

What gentleness looks like – willingness to yield, kindness, sensitivity to the feelings of others, and tenderness. 

What gentleness does NOT look like – crudeness, wildness, harshness, aggressiveness, and violence. 

Our ultimate role model for gentleness is Jesus. Therefore, neither you nor I have an excuse. Having a strong character myself, gentleness was a trait that didn’t come easily for me.  But I have improved a little and I still have a long way to go.

A man can easily sense a woman’s gentleness or aggressiveness. Secure mature Christian men need strong, but gentle women. As such, a wise woman will seek to grow in gentleness, and not only focus on her physical attractiveness.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,… “ 1 Peter 3:3-5

2) A modestly-dressed woman.

Modesty is not equivalent to dressing in a sack. Without a doubt, you can dress modestly as well as attractively. Mature Christian men, who are looking for their complimentary fit, do not want the world to see their future wives’ sexiness exposed to all other men. I would like to think that a mature Christian wants to feel special.

Should “Tom, Dick and Harry” have an eye-full when you reveal every curve by your tight-fitting outfit or give them full glimpses of your boobs. Besides, dressing like a seductress will only attract unfaithful married men or men who only want to have sex with you. If you’re mainly attracting those types of men, it may have a lot to do with your clothing choice. Serious mature Christian men are not impressed. Be fashionable, but be modest.

“God’s intended purpose for you as a carefully crafted masterpiece is to ‘intoxicate’ one man with the fullest extent of your beauty. – Dannah Gresh in ‘Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty’

Questions to ask yourself:

• Do you dress like a seductress?
• Is it your desire to want men to see you only as a sex object?
• Is it your aim for men to desire your body more than your inner being?
• Does it make you feel special when men slur sexual lyrics at you?
• Are you drawing men to God or is the focus on yourself?

Your body should be a mystery to men. You should have him wondering, instead of leaving nothing or little to the imagination.

“Modesty is a delicate yet formidable power that God has given to you.” – Dannah Gresh in ‘Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty’

3) A prayer warrior.

Every mature Christian man NEEDS a wife who can pray for him. His relationship with God; the fulfilment of his purpose; and the success of every single area of his life depend on the fervent effectual prayer of a righteous woman (James 5:16). As Stormie O’Martian says in her book, “The Power of A Praying Wife”, “prayer is the ultimate love language.”

Men like “Sammy” who have ‘bounced their heads’ by compromising with “Leila” may never receive this benefit from their wives (unless the Lord changes her).  Of course, his parents can pray for him, but there’s something more powerful in the marital union.

Prayer does three miracles in a marriage:

A) It continually changes the wife’s heart. She becomes a better mate for her husband.

B) It also transforms the life of the husband so that he can be the man that God wants him to be.

C) It strengthens the marriage to reflect the parallel relationship between Christ and the Church.

Ladies, while you’re still single, learn to pray and make it a practice to pray the Word of God.

4) A woman rich in mind and spirit.

Your intelligence and academic pursuits will be as a blessing to a secure Christian man. Make it a plan to continue learning and growing in different areas of your life. If you’re always learning, you’ll never become a bore. Not only that, but you’ll be equipped to help fulfil your mission as a couple.

Even if you’ve been blessed with above-average beauty, it’ll still be worth both your time to constantly develop your mind.  Don’t only do what’s comfortable… stretch yourself and see who you can become. 

Furthermore, a mature Christian men want women who are intentionally growing in their relationships with God and others. Allow Jesus to make you more beautiful inside which will naturally radiate externally…even as the grey hairs and wrinkles increase in number.

Related articles:

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

Top 5 Turn-offs for Single Men

5) A champion and supporter. 

Can a man trust you with his heart? It’s in poor taste for a woman to scorn and ridicule a man, especially when his weaknesses are revealed. Instead, let your words be like a soothing balm. When disaster and disappointments strike, you should be the first one that he would like to tell because he knows that you’re his number one cheerleader. With your support, he should feel empowered to take on the world. 

Marriage is a fusion between two different persons for a common purpose. Hence, it is not the forum for destructive competition. Both husband and wife should be each other’s greatest champions.

Summary

You may not be in a relationship with a guy right now, but there are several men in your life whose lives would be enhanced by your gentleness; modesty; prayer; richness in mind and spirit; and being a champion and support. During your single years, your current relationships with your father, brothers, male friends and co-workers provide the best grounds for preparation for marriage. Be the Jesus that they can see.

A challenge for you …

How would you know at which qualities you’re excelling and in which areas you’re failing? That’s a good question! We all have blind spots (areas in our lives to which we are totally clueless). Therefore, I would suggest that you ask relatives or friends to give you an honest feedback on the above qualities. Seek out the feedback from only those persons who will be brutally honest with you. When you know your blind spots, you can begin to work on them. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to growth.

Are you going to join this challenge? Comment below. You can also let me know your thoughts on the article. Are these qualities really rare? Would you like to add some others to the list?

If you’re new to “Petals Bloom”, subscribe and send me an email to introduce yourself. Also, feel free to share your experiences as a single woman with me and I’ll be certain to respond. You’ll also receive your free “Know Yourself” questionnaire. If you enjoy what you’ve read here, then sign up for my weekly emails! When you subscribe, you’ll get short weekly emails to help you to blossom fully and enjoy your single years to the max! Thanks for dropping by!:)

#madetolove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie O’Martian

“Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty” by Dannah Gresh

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 5 Rare Qualities Mature Christian Men Want appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Among the many qualities you want in a godly husband, are there some qualities he must definitely have?

You observe that there are many broken Christian marriages. As a result, it is very daunting but you’re hoping that your story will be different.

You dream of an enjoyable lasting marriage when you exchange your wedding vows. As such, your husband wish list is quite extensive (I had 25 criteria on my list!), but you need to separate the essentials from the ‘icing-on-the-cake’ non-essentials.

What are the deal breakers? Even if he isn’t drop-dead gorgeous with a well-toned physique, are there some qualities that are essential in a godly husband?

The label “Christian” is not enough.

It’s insufficient to think that if a man says that he’s a Christian that he’ll make a good husband. In my younger naive years, I thought just that.

However, a man could sincerely know and love God, but still make a poor husband. He could be lazy when it comes to his relationship with God. Therefore, he remains stagnant.

Or perhaps, he refuses to grow in crucial areas that would make him a better man. Growing takes discipline, diligence, grit to go through difficult processes and a willingness to change.

Oftentimes, God presents opportunities for growth that are not easy. If a godly man prefers the path of comfort, then the outcome will be zero or minimal growth.

Please do not confuse gifting with maturity. Just because a man is a gifted preacher, singer or teacher, it does not mean that he’s mature in his faith or growing in character. Check out ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Here are some essential qualities to seriously consider when choosing a godly husband:

1) Teachable.

You need a man who is humble and open to learning from others. The evidence of this is that there are other men in his life who hold him accountable and help him walk the ‘straight and narrow’ path.

A man will not always be open to hearing correction from you, so it’s important that he has good genuine ‘brothers’ who do that for him. He has to be intentional about it and take responsibility to nurture these relationships with other men.

I’ve observed that when godly men get together, great things happen in their lives. Proverbs 27:17 says, ‘as iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’

It’s not easy being a godly husband (or man) these days, so he needs the community of sound godly brothers to stand strong. If he places himself under the mentorship of more mature men, than I’ll say that he’s a very wise man.

Don’t discount the power of male relationships. It can enhance your own future marriage.

If he’s comfortable only around women, pray that God will help him to be open and willing to have biblically-grounded men in his life. I firmly believe that a man learns how to be a real man by being around other strong godly men.

Women mentors can never replace the male mentorship that men need, especially in light of the high absenteeism of good fathers.

Questions to ponder:

• Is he a man open to learning from others?
• What are his reactions when he is corrected?
• Does he have accountability relationships with other men?
• Is he hard-headed (stubborn)?
• Are his closest friends foolish men or wise men? ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’

2) Emotional Stability.

Marriage can be rough at times. Your future husband needs to be stable and balanced to handle the ups and downs of life while leading his family.

This quality has little to do with physical health but rather emotional health. Although a person may have physical limitations, he may still be very capable of leading his family with strength and honour in the face of adversity.

Undoubtedly, leading a family is a huge responsibility for a godly husband, so you need someone who would be able to handle it well. Of course, as a wise woman, you have a great part to play in supporting him by your words, actions and prayers. A great resource is ‘The Power of a Praying Wife’ by Stormie Omartian.

Questions to ponder:

• How does he handle stress at work?
• How does he handle conflict in his current relationships?
• Does he have a trail of broken relationships among his family and friends?
• How does he respond when life throws a curveball at him?

3) Hard-working.

A hard-working man is worthy of admiration and respect. If the man is not hard-working, you’ll have major problems.

Imagine being married to a man who spends most of his waking hours playing video games, watching YouTube videos and chatting on social media (and earns no income from it).

You might want to pull out all your hair! Indeed, that’s a very frightful thought. If you choose to marry a lazy man, you’ll end up managing and providing for the entire home by yourself.

Your respect for him will die a slow but certain death and that will not be good for your marriage or your sexual intimacy. Therefore, you need a godly husband who will be responsible to take care of his family.

‘A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.’ Proverbs 10:3

Questions to ponder:

• Does he spend most of his time in idleness?
• As an adult man, does he depend on his parents/guardians/government to fully support him?
• Is he a dreamer but makes no effort to pursue those dreams by working hard toward them?
• Does he blame others for his ‘unfortunate’ lot in life?

4) Treats women with honour and respect.

I’ve heard it said that you’ll know how a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother. Hence, you want to observe if he has a healthy relationship with his mother.

Does he care for her? Is he kind toward her? Does he treat her like a lady? Is he gentle with her?

Additionally, the way he speaks of and treats other women is a good indication if he will honour and respect you.

Questions to ponder:

• How does he speak to his mother?
• In what way does he care for his mother and sisters?
• How does he speak about women in general?
• What can you observe about his treatment of women who are unrelated to him?

On the contrary, you don’t want the opposite extreme where your godly husband idolizes his mother. If that’s the case, then your future mother-in-law might be running (and ruining) your marriage.

5) Ability to lead.

Marriages simply work better when the man embraces the role as the head of the family. I’ve had leadership roles since my teenage years. However, it’s simply wonderful to have someone to lead our family and that person is not me!

I will gladly be the supportive wife.

There are areas under which you’ll give leadership, but ultimately, you need a husband who will embrace the main leadership role as the head of the family and not abscond from it.

A recommended resource is ‘Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage’ by Robert Lewis.

Questions to ponder:

• Does he shy away from responsibility?
• Who leads his life? Is it him or does he leave that to his parents/guardians?
• Does he still behave like a child and not like a grown man?

Summary

You will not find a man who is perfect and you’re not perfect either. But you need someone who is willing to grow in these areas- teachability, emotional stability, hard-working, his treatment of women and his ability to lead.

Don’t worry. There still exists single Christian men who are willing to not only hear the Word, but to also live it out, even when it feels uncomfortable.

That’s the kind of godly husband you want. May God make you the kind of woman who will be a blessing to that type of man.

To recap, here are some essential qualities to seriously consider when choosing a godly husband:

1. Teachable
2. Emotional Stability
3. Hard-working
4. Treats women with honour and respect
5. Ability to lead

I’d would love to hear your feedback. What are some deal breakers to you? Comment below! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands 

Recommended Books:

‘The Power of a Praying Wife’ by Stormie Omartian

‘The Power of a Praying Woman’ by Stormie Omartian

‘Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage’ by Robert Lewis

The post 5 Essential Qualities in a Godly Husband appeared first on Petals Bloom.