Accept Him as He Is | 6 Convincing Reasons

At the company’s staff retreat, Sharon and a few of the women decided to meet to talk about relationships. Sharon disclosed to the women that she was talking to Pete, a professional soccer player.  As a result, she’s not sure that she should even consider a future relationship with him because she doesn’t even like soccer.  Would it even work?  

As Sharon and Pete grow closer, Pete discloses some of the issues that he has faced in the past and some of his weaknesses.  Also, Sharon finds that his voice can be a little annoying.  Sharon is wondering if she can accept him as he is.

As your relationship with a man develops, you will discover his good traits as well as his weaknesses.  Or, you find that he eats like a pig.😂  Or, he doesn’t have the deep masculine voice that you find to be simply pore-raising.  Or, he picks his nose and that is the worst thing someone can do in your presence! 😱 

What should you do when you discover that your prince has some “holes” in his soul or has some quirks that you didn’t bargain for? 

Options:

1. Accept him at face value and nurture the relationship.
2. Move forward and decide that you’ll fix him up as soon as you say “I do” at the altar.
3. Focus on the future version of him and let that be your motivating factor.
4. End it now because you cannot handle who he is right now.

Options 1 and 4 are good, but not options 2 and 3.  In order to build a good strong relationship with a man, it is crucial that you accept him as he is.

Here are 6 convincing reasons you need to accept a man as he is:

1) He wants to be loved for who he is.

Every one of us wants to be loved unconditionally.  He is no exception.  As such, he wants to be loved for the man that he is today and not the man that he will be in five years’ time.  It is definitely good to see his potential with loving eyes, but you don’t know what the future will bring.  If he doesn’t live up to your expectations, would you be disappointed in him?  Would you be able to continue to love, respect and admire him?

2) He doesn’t want to be a makeover project.

You can do your own personal makeover, but to have an agenda to have a renovation project on the man that you love is asking for relationship problems.  He might ask for your help in certain areas, but you do not want to coerce him to be the man that you think he should be.  Only one message you’ll be sending to him and that is “I’m not good enough for you.”  

A man wants to change when he is ready – on his own terms and in his timing.  Your desire to change him is equivalent to being a controlling woman.  No man wants to be controlled by the woman he loves.  He’s not looking for a second mother, but is looking for a woman with whom he can have an adult relationship as his equal peer.  Otherwise, in time, he will resent you and lose affection for you.  He may begin to see you as a mother-figure instead of as a wife.  That is not very appealing!

3) He will draw closer to you.

If you accept him as he is (the whole package), he will breathe a sigh of relief and be comfortable to share his life with you.  As a result, he will draw closer to you.  However, if a man senses that you’re displeased with him, he will probably not bother with you altogether.  He will not be motivated to be with you and your rejection of his true self will cause him to run away from you. He wants you to love him, the real him and not a fictional version of himself.   

4) It will free him and empower him to reach his full potential.

Have you ever seen someone in a straight-jacket trying to accomplish anything worthwhile?  It is almost impossible!  A man needs to feel the freedom to be himself around you.  He wants to be able to share his wildest dreams and his darkest secrets with you.  

He will only feel comfortable and at peace doing this with a woman with whom he feels totally accepted.  Feeling your acceptance will also encourage him to try new endeavours and overcome limiting beliefs about himself.  In essence, he will feel empowered to conquer the world now that he has a supportive woman backing him.

5) He wants to be your hero.

Every sober-thinking man knows that he is not perfect. However, he wants to be close to perfection in your eyes.  You’re the woman he wants to be admired by above all other women in the world.  All the bragging he does or silly gestures are indications that he’s trying to impress you.  Any attempt to change him will tell him that he’s not the man for you.  It translates to, “I’m not her hero nor can I ever be.”  If you want to attract and keep the right man, you have to learn to focus and adore his better side.

When you have won his heart and in his confidence, then you would have learnt how to carefully and tactfully communicate to him the areas in which he may need to change.  However, it is infinitely more powerful to shower these matters in prayer first and listen to God’s discernment for timing before you share your opinions.  

6) He will feel confident and secure with you.

A man is looking for a woman who will be his lifelong cheerleader.  When you accept a man as he is, he will feel safe to share his entire life with you.  In time, you will see his confidence grow and he will become even more masculine and attractive to you.  This is the kind of power a supportive woman has over a man.  Use it wisely!  If he senses that you’re always displeased about something he said or did, he will not open up to you.  

NOTE:  Accepting a man as he is does not mean accepting abusive behavior.  When abuse is present, he needs a counselor and not a wife!  Run!

Summary

As you get to know a man really well AND your eyes are opened, you will see his weaknesses, flaws and annoying habits.  You have to decide what you can live with and what you cannot live with.  You need to determine the deal breakers for you.

To try to force him to change is manipulative and counter-productive.  If God doesn’t force us to change, why should we even attempt such a venture with a man that we are growing to love?!?  He’s an adult and as such, we should treat him that way.

Also, it is not wise to marry a man because you see the wonderful potential that he has.  If you don’t like him as he is now, it doesn’t make sense to be in love with the man that he might one day become. That’s rooted in fantasy and the realities of marriage will jerk you out of that dream leaving your head spinning with bewilderment and disappointment.  Don’t go there at all! 

Be sober!

You must go into a marriage making a sober decision about him.  If you cannot accept the man as he is today, then it is better to end the relationship and look for someone else who you can readily accept. 

All men have flaws (like women) and you have to decide which ones you’re willing to live with.  Now ladies, if you plan to marry, forget about perfection.  A perfect man (or woman) does not exist (except Jesus).  If you cannot live with any imperfections (in your eyes), remaining single is a better option for you.

To recap, here are 6 convincing reasons you need to accept a man as he is:

1. He wants to be loved for who he is.
2. He doesn’t want to be a makeover project.
3. He will draw closer to you.
4. It will free him and empower him to reach his full potential.
5. He wants to be your hero.
6. He will feel confident and secure with you.

Is there a man in your life that you can accept and love him as he is?  Do you need to forget someone because you just cannot be with him in his present state?  What are the deal breakers for you?  Comment below and let us know your thoughts.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth