14 Proven Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship

[Streaming Love Series Part 3]

While “Sarah” was away for college, she met “Jack” at a barbeque event.  He immediately caught her attention, but their first interaction was limited. Shortly after, they became friends on Facebook.  From time to time, they saw each other since they were in similar social circles.  

“Jack” grew to admire her and so did his interest, but he mistook her shyness for disinterest.  So he moved on.

Eventually, “Sarah” returned to her home country.  There was no more communication with “Jack” for a few years.  Then, “Jack” re-entered “Sarah’s” life and they hit it off. However, this time they were separated by land and sea.  

As they got to know each other better through regular conversations, they became intimate friends and their love for each other began to blossom.  Would their long distance relationship survive?

My story

My husband is from Jamaica and I’m from Trinidad and Tobago.  Like “Sarah” and “Jack”, our love grew when we were apart. For roughly two years, our relationship was a long distance one.  Then, we got married. Yay!

Here are 14 practical tips for a successful long distance relationship:

1. Commitment to each other.

Both of you need to know the level of commitment involved.  Before you proceed to commit your heart to any man (long distance or not), ensure that you both are committed to the end goal of marriage.  If you’re not moving toward marriage, a friendship will suffice.  Therefore, you can continue as a happy single disengaged woman.  

Remember that you’re too precious for a “situationship.”  Check out “Situationship” or Relationship … 5 Reasons It Should be Clear.” 

2. Make the relationship a priority.

If you both agree that the end goal is marriage, it’s important that you make the relationship a priority.  Talk about your future together and set goals for the relationship. 

Although he’s not present, be faithful to him in your heart and actions. Flirting with other men is out of the question for a godly woman. Give him no room to begin to distrust you. A healthy marriage thrives on mutual trust.

If he’s extremely jealous and insecure, then that’s a whole different matter.

3. Arrange to meet physically regularly.

You can feel close to a person through online means, but for the relationship to grow and to be nurtured, you need to be in each other’s physical space from time to time.  The regularity of meeting will depend on factors like money, distance, work commitment, vacation days and the like. 

Regularly meeting in real life will allow you both to know and understand each other better.  You cannot love who you do not truly know.  Also, meet in both countries … sometimes his and sometimes yours.  You need to see him in his natural environment and vice versa.  Remember that if you see disturbing warning signs, take them seriously and put an end to the relationship.  

For instance, if on a visit, you notice that he treats his mother and sisters with contempt and disrespect, then you will know that he will eventually treat you in the same manner.  It’s time for “Jack” to hit the road. You will never know some things by communicating only online.

Also, even when you are together in real life, give yourselves space to breathe. Times apart would be healthy individually and relationally for both of you.

4. Schedule weekly “dates”.

Since you’re not in the same physical space, you need to be intentional about carving out unrushed time for each other.  Try to choose a time that is convenient for both of you.  It would not be good if one person is constantly falling asleep during your dates.  

During this time, give each other your undivided attention.  Make it fun and interesting and give it variety.  If you do video, try to look decent, but real (like no false eyelashes!).  

Here are some suggestions:

• Talk about your past week – highlights and low points and discuss why.
• Do tests – personality tests, love languages test, etc.
• Cover the 36 Questions That Lead To Love.
• Share what God has been teaching you.
• Pray for each other.
• Share memories.
• Watch a movie online together.
• Play online games together.

Take advantage of this level of communication.  When there’s no opportunity for sexual indulgence, you can get really get to know each other deeply.  You need to know that men generally talk less after marriage (few exceptions) so take advantage of this benefit of a long distance relationship.  In courtship, he’s willing to talk about anything under the sun!

5. Pray for him.

This goes without saying.  An important ministry that you will have as a wife is to pray for your husband.  It’s best you start praying from now!  Do not underestimate what this will do for him, your relationship and your future marriage.  

When I became engaged, I bought a copy of “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian and began to pray.  I kid you not… in a relatively short pace of time, I began to see positive changes in my fiancé and myself.  Now that I’m married, it sits right next to my Bible to guide my prayers for him.

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” James 5:16b

6. Share your life with him.

This means giving him an idea of your schedule – when you’re going to work; when you have classes; when you have arrived home; etc.  It’s just common courtesy.  Since he’s in another country, you have to intentionally share your life with him.  Also, he wants to know that you’re safe and sound. 

Sharing your life would also include talking about present and past trivial and significant situations; how they made you feel; your reactions; what you disliked; what you appreciated, what you learnt, information about your family and close friends, and the like. In essence, you want him to know the real you. 

Courtship (even long distance courtship) is a preparation for marriage.  Therefore, you need to begin sharing more and more of your life together (except the bed!).

7. Send pics (decent) and videos. 

Men are very visual so this helps to keep the interest alive.  He’s interacting with other single women in his life, so you need to go the extra mile to remind him how adorable you are (your looks, mannerisms, voice, etc.).  Remind him constantly!  

I’m not very good at taking my own pics, so this was a challenge for me. When I did remember to take a photo, he was ever so pleased.

Also, have memorabilia that reminds you of each other like photos, tokens (like a bracelet) and hand-written cards.

8. Don’t go to bed angry.

Better practice this from now!  If you two are being real, disagreements will come.  Even though it’s a long distance relationship, you need to implement biblical ways of handling conflict and dealing with anger and frustration.  

With a long distance relationship, it’s very easy to “punish” the other person when there’s a disagreement. You simply end the phone or stop writing which is a lot easier to do than if the person was physically next to you.  Undoubtedly, habits developed in courtship will most likely continue in marriage.

God bless my husband for his strength in this area.  He insisted that we had to resolve the issue amicably (at least to the point of not being upset) before going to bed.  Admittedly, I was the one who needed to grow in this area.

9. Be considerate and respect boundaries.

Depending on the time difference, you may need to talk for a shorter time during a work week so that he can function well at work.  If it’s 8:00pm in your country and midnight in his country, you cannot reasonably expect to speak with him for four hours if he has to go to work for 8:00am!  

Also, when he has to go to work, it’s not a good time to start a long intense conversation about something that is bothering you.  If it’s not a life and death matter, leave it for later. As a single woman, you need to learn to manage your emotions from now, regardless of how intense they may feel at the time.

Remember that love acts in the best interest of the other person.

10. Learn to understand and adapt to the other person.

Listen carefully to him when he speaks and when he relates a situation.  What makes him happy? How does he feel respected? What are his fears? Are you beginning to discern some of his strengths and weaknesses?  What do you do that irritates him? In what way can you begin to support him? How can you encourage him?

11. Have fun!

Enjoy your conversations.  Sometimes, it will be intense, but you cannot want to talk about how hurt you are all the time.  After a stressful day at work, he wants to de-stress and have a conversation with the most charming and enjoyable woman in the world who makes him feel like he’s the luckiest man in the world.  You can even have pet names for each other.  

12. Ensure they meet your family and friends when they visit.

When you visit each other, you need to be around his family and friends and vice versa.  It will be very unwise to spend all your time alone together because it will limit your true knowledge of each other.  

Besides, your loved ones would be better at discerning his character and intentions than you would be.  They are there for your protection so please give them that opportunity. 

13. Show your love.

Learn to speak his love language.  For all men, words of affirmation ranks high.  As such, let him know OFTEN what you admire about him and how much you respect him.  Ladies, men absolutely love this! Read “Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs.

Also, let him see that you’re important to him by messaging him intermittently throughout the day.  It shows that you care for him and that you are thinking about him.  But don’t overdo it. You’re not needy and you have a life besides him.

Other helpful tips:

• Like and comment on his social media posts.
• Acknowledge and appreciate any references made about you.
• Send gifts on special occasions.
• Surprise him.

14. Don’t neglect your current relationships.

With a long distance relationship, it is tempting to spend all your waking moments with him.  Resist that temptation!  That borders on obsession and it gives him the impression that “my-life-is-all-about-you”.  A healthy godly man will soon tire of that. 

Therefore, you still need to invest and nurture your relationships with God, your family, your friends and yourself.  Put down the phone and spend time with your parents.  Go out with your friends and have a fantastic time. Spend time reading or doing beauty treatments.  As a matter of fact, resist the urge to constantly check your phone.  He can wait and you can have self-control.  In the long run, he would appreciate that you had boundaries and balance.

Related Articles:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating [Streaming Love Series Part 1]

When The Guy You Like is a Foreigner | 6 Sober Insights [Streaming Love Series Part 2]

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

Summary

Long distance relationships are becoming more common as people study abroad; travel more for work and pleasure; and date online.  It’s not to be feared, but instead, make adjustments to your thinking and put measures in place for a successful relationship.  

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?  Are you open to it? What advice would you give for its success?  I’d love to hear your views. Comment below so that we can all learn from one another.

If you’d like to receive other tips to grow as a single Christian woman, subscribe and I’ll send you short weekly engaging emails.  Also, you will receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist in your Inbox.

It’s never too early or too late to know where you are at emotionally and begin your journey to become an emotionally healthy woman of God.  Everyone in your life would be super thankful!:)

Thanks for stopping by!

#madetolove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”