Among the many qualities you want in a godly husband, are there some qualities he must definitely have?

You observe that there are many broken Christian marriages. As a result, it is very daunting but you’re hoping that your story will be different.

You dream of an enjoyable lasting marriage when you exchange your wedding vows. As such, your husband wish list is quite extensive (I had 25 criteria on my list!), but you need to separate the essentials from the ‘icing-on-the-cake’ non-essentials.

What are the deal breakers? Even if he isn’t drop-dead gorgeous with a well-toned physique, are there some qualities that are essential in a godly husband?

The label “Christian” is not enough.

It’s insufficient to think that if a man says that he’s a Christian that he’ll make a good husband. In my younger naive years, I thought just that.

However, a man could sincerely know and love God, but still make a poor husband. He could be lazy when it comes to his relationship with God. Therefore, he remains stagnant.

Or perhaps, he refuses to grow in crucial areas that would make him a better man. Growing takes discipline, diligence, grit to go through difficult processes and a willingness to change.

Oftentimes, God presents opportunities for growth that are not easy. If a godly man prefers the path of comfort, then the outcome will be zero or minimal growth.

Please do not confuse gifting with maturity. Just because a man is a gifted preacher, singer or teacher, it does not mean that he’s mature in his faith or growing in character. Check out ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Here are some essential qualities to seriously consider when choosing a godly husband:

1) Teachable.

You need a man who is humble and open to learning from others. The evidence of this is that there are other men in his life who hold him accountable and help him walk the ‘straight and narrow’ path.

A man will not always be open to hearing correction from you, so it’s important that he has good genuine ‘brothers’ who do that for him. He has to be intentional about it and take responsibility to nurture these relationships with other men.

I’ve observed that when godly men get together, great things happen in their lives. Proverbs 27:17 says, ‘as iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’

It’s not easy being a godly husband (or man) these days, so he needs the community of sound godly brothers to stand strong. If he places himself under the mentorship of more mature men, than I’ll say that he’s a very wise man.

Don’t discount the power of male relationships. It can enhance your own future marriage.

If he’s comfortable only around women, pray that God will help him to be open and willing to have biblically-grounded men in his life. I firmly believe that a man learns how to be a real man by being around other strong godly men.

Women mentors can never replace the male mentorship that men need, especially in light of the high absenteeism of good fathers.

Questions to ponder:

• Is he a man open to learning from others?
• What are his reactions when he is corrected?
• Does he have accountability relationships with other men?
• Is he hard-headed (stubborn)?
• Are his closest friends foolish men or wise men? ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’

2) Emotional Stability.

Marriage can be rough at times. Your future husband needs to be stable and balanced to handle the ups and downs of life while leading his family.

This quality has little to do with physical health but rather emotional health. Although a person may have physical limitations, he may still be very capable of leading his family with strength and honour in the face of adversity.

Undoubtedly, leading a family is a huge responsibility for a godly husband, so you need someone who would be able to handle it well. Of course, as a wise woman, you have a great part to play in supporting him by your words, actions and prayers. A great resource is ‘The Power of a Praying Wife’ by Stormie Omartian.

Questions to ponder:

• How does he handle stress at work?
• How does he handle conflict in his current relationships?
• Does he have a trail of broken relationships among his family and friends?
• How does he respond when life throws a curveball at him?

3) Hard-working.

A hard-working man is worthy of admiration and respect. If the man is not hard-working, you’ll have major problems.

Imagine being married to a man who spends most of his waking hours playing video games, watching YouTube videos and chatting on social media (and earns no income from it).

You might want to pull out all your hair! Indeed, that’s a very frightful thought. If you choose to marry a lazy man, you’ll end up managing and providing for the entire home by yourself.

Your respect for him will die a slow but certain death and that will not be good for your marriage or your sexual intimacy. Therefore, you need a godly husband who will be responsible to take care of his family.

‘A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.’ Proverbs 10:3

Questions to ponder:

• Does he spend most of his time in idleness?
• As an adult man, does he depend on his parents/guardians/government to fully support him?
• Is he a dreamer but makes no effort to pursue those dreams by working hard toward them?
• Does he blame others for his ‘unfortunate’ lot in life?

4) Treats women with honour and respect.

I’ve heard it said that you’ll know how a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother. Hence, you want to observe if he has a healthy relationship with his mother.

Does he care for her? Is he kind toward her? Does he treat her like a lady? Is he gentle with her?

Additionally, the way he speaks of and treats other women is a good indication if he will honour and respect you.

Questions to ponder:

• How does he speak to his mother?
• In what way does he care for his mother and sisters?
• How does he speak about women in general?
• What can you observe about his treatment of women who are unrelated to him?

On the contrary, you don’t want the opposite extreme where your godly husband idolizes his mother. If that’s the case, then your future mother-in-law might be running (and ruining) your marriage.

5) Ability to lead.

Marriages simply work better when the man embraces the role as the head of the family. I’ve had leadership roles since my teenage years. However, it’s simply wonderful to have someone to lead our family and that person is not me!

I will gladly be the supportive wife.

There are areas under which you’ll give leadership, but ultimately, you need a husband who will embrace the main leadership role as the head of the family and not abscond from it.

A recommended resource is ‘Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage’ by Robert Lewis.

Questions to ponder:

• Does he shy away from responsibility?
• Who leads his life? Is it him or does he leave that to his parents/guardians?
• Does he still behave like a child and not like a grown man?

Summary

You will not find a man who is perfect and you’re not perfect either. But you need someone who is willing to grow in these areas- teachability, emotional stability, hard-working, his treatment of women and his ability to lead.

Don’t worry. There still exists single Christian men who are willing to not only hear the Word, but to also live it out, even when it feels uncomfortable.

That’s the kind of godly husband you want. May God make you the kind of woman who will be a blessing to that type of man.

To recap, here are some essential qualities to seriously consider when choosing a godly husband:

1. Teachable
2. Emotional Stability
3. Hard-working
4. Treats women with honour and respect
5. Ability to lead

I’d would love to hear your feedback. What are some deal breakers to you? Comment below! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands 

Recommended Books:

‘The Power of a Praying Wife’ by Stormie Omartian

‘The Power of a Praying Woman’ by Stormie Omartian

‘Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage’ by Robert Lewis