Can you help your boyfriend or fiancé become the best future husband that he can be?
Claudia was about to give up on finding the man of her dreams. Then boom … out of the blue (it seems), she has met Robert. Things are going pretty well. Her head is spinning with excitement and even disbelief.
She certainly wants a marriage where Christ is honored. Now, she’s wondering what is her role in helping him to become the best future husband that he can be.
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Here are 5 wise actions to help him become the best future husband:
1) Pray regularly for him.
According to Stormie Omartian of “The Power of a Praying Wife Book of Prayers”, ‘prayer is the ultimate love language.’ I tend to agree. Praying for your boyfriend or fiancé from the beginning of the relationship will reap tremendous earthly and eternal rewards. If you truly want the best for him, then he needs your prayers more than anything physical.
My friend advised me to get the book and begin to use it to guide my prayers for my husband-to-be. I think it was the best pre-marital advice that I received. Within a short time, I saw changes in him and in me. When you begin to pray for someone else, God also changes your heart. He wins and you win because no one escapes from God’s transforming power.
2) Encourage him to be involved in a community of believers (like a local church).
Participation in a Bible-believing church is a must for all believers seeking to truly follow Jesus, including your boyfriend or fiancé. No church is perfect and in its imperfection, a believer becomes mature.
Benefits of a local church:
- Be among believers of all ages;
- Opportunities to serve others;
- Be taught by preachers and teachers of the Word;
- Protection from attacks and deception of the enemy;
- Surrounded by people who will pray for him;
- Learn to be faithful;
- Mentored by older, more spiritually-mature men;
- Opportunity to give financially;
- To be known and loved;
- Help him to become the best future husband;
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25
3) Encourage him to participate in a small group Bible study.
A man can get lost in a church, especially if it is large. Therefore, he needs a place where he can be ‘intimately’ known and belong; where he has a voice and his opinions are respected; where he can go deep in God’s Word; be challenged in his views; share his opinions; and debate with others. A small group Bible study provides this kind of environment.
I think most men prefer when it’s all male. Have you ever noticed that in a small group Bible study with both men and wome that women do the most talking? Hence, there is a place for men-only meetings.
An example from real life.
I know a group of five single guys and one married man who met regularly for discussions and prayer many years ago. When each of the single men was interested in or courting a lady, he was placed in the “hot seat” from time to time. He was questioned about his intentions toward her; how he was dealing with sexual temptation and the like.
When the five single guys got married, the wives joined the group. Throughout the years, their friendships have continued to enhance their individual walks with God and their marriages.
If more of our men were to have relationships like these, men more would treat their girlfriends and later wives more honorably. Additionally, you want him to be in close relationship with married men who are good husbands and fathers so that they can rub off on him.
4) Support his friendship with his male best friend.
Even if he doesn’t have a group of men like in point 3, he absolutely needs a Christian friend who is like a brother.
5 reasons your future husband needs a Christian male best friend:
- Accountability – to hold him responsible for this choices and actions;
- Strengthening- to help him to be strong when life becomes difficult;
- Encouragement – to give support and confidence when he feels like giving up;
- Prayer partner – to pray him through weaknesses and failures;
- Acceptance – a ‘place’ where he is comfortable sharing openly;
If he doesn’t have any close male Christian friends, I would suggest that you don’t waste time. Start praying ASAP! Someone will influence him and you don’t want the influence to come from fools. Remember your goal is the best future husband and not one who will have you constantly on your knees because he’s foolish.
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20 ESV
5) Pray and encourage a good relationship with his father.
The greatest influence on a man, besides God, is his father. Society might downplay this, but whether a father is present or absent affects the emotional and mental health of an individual. Important to note that fathers help turn boys into men. Additionally, it is also impacts the way he views and relates to God, his heavenly Father.
If he has a good strong relationship with this father, pray that it stays that way. If not, pray for healing and reconcilation. Undoubtedly, your prayers can play a big part in this resolution. If his father has already died, pray that God heals his heart and places a godly father-figure in his life. However, also pray that this “new” relationship is healthy because his need for identity and validation can cause an imbalanced relationship with this substitute father.
Related Articles:
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Is He Showing Interest? 10 Pointers to Keep Your Confidence Intact
Summary
Without a doubt, the above steps will help your boyfriend to be the best future husband that he can be. Even if you don’t end up marrying him, another woman will benefit. As a kingdom-minded woman, you will be content that you have made those positive contributions to another family.
What other actions can you take to help your boyfriend or fiance to be the best future husband that he can be? What advice have you heard from other married men? Are there observations that you have personally made? Comment below and share with us all.
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Love,
Kimberly Garth
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Recommended Book:
“The Power of a Praying Wife Book of Prayers” by Stormie Omartian
I don’t feel secure how to handle his relationship with his father. My boyfriend looks like he’s mature enough. His father hurt him badly in the past and his father is not a believer. What should I do then?
Hi Viviana, thanks for the question. A powerful witness to an unbeliever is our ability to extend forgiveness. I would recommend that you pray daily for your boyfriend about this. Pray that God softens his heart toward his father so that he can forgive him. Unforgiveness is like a chain of bondage, holding us back from experiencing total freedom in Christ. Your prayers are very much needed! “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16)
This is a very timely blog… there are things I see in my fiancé that I know could be improved as with everyone… but not all of them I would want to approach him about directly. One of the hardest one for me is where you know that he can spend more time in God’s word on his own… in order to provide the leadership for me that God provides for him. I don’t want to nag him on this matter though.
Hi Adaisa, you are wise in realizing that nagging will not help at all! Your prayers would be more influential as God works in his heart and he owns his own growth.