Anna is the CEO. She runs things. As she ends her last call for the day, she starts thinking about that one conversation she and her fiancé Mark had with their pastor about pre-marital counseling… and that word kept coming up. Submission.

She almost laughed. She doesn’t submit to anyone! Her whole life is built on taking the lead, having the final word, being equal to—or better than—anyone else in the room. The thought of ‘submitting’ to a man, even a good man like Mark, makes her stomach clench. It feels like signing a contract to give up her power, to erase the woman she has fought so hard to become.

The word “submission” often carries a heavy, negative weight in today’s world. Many women, especially those with strong personalities or executive careers, fear it, seeing it as a surrender of equality or a path to being taken advantage of.

However, the Bible presents Christian submission not as a robotic duty or inferiority, but as a path to order, functionality, and protection—and most importantly, as a choice to honor Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24

As an executive-type of woman myself, I’ve learnt that submission is not awful at all! As a matter of fact, it’s quite freeing! From the wisdom of God’s Word and from my own personal experience, I will share with you the gems of biblical submission.

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband:

1. Submission Is Not Inferiority.

Submitting to a husband does not mean you are less than a man. The core of submission is functionality and order, not a matter of value. Submission was modeled by Christ. Jesus, who is the “image of the invisible God” (in Colossians 1:15) and equal with God, chose to humbly submit to God the Father, even to the point of dying on the cross. When I choose to submit to my husband, I am following the model of Jesus Christ.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” John 5:30 ESV

“And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.” John 8:29

Also, men and women have equal value. Both men and women are created equal in the image of God and therefore, we all have the same worth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV

Therefore, choosing to submit to your future husband does not diminish your worth in any form or fashion.

2. Submission is voluntary.

“Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-24

What does “subject” mean (or some translations use the word “submit”)?  Subject means to voluntarily relinquish your independent rights. Furthermore, a wife’s submission to her husband is not the same as a child obeying a parent or an employee obeying an employer. A husband cannot demand that you obey him because you’re not in a one-up one-down relationship with him. 

Let’s take Jesus’ example. Christ, in His own free will, chose to submit to the Father’s will, saying in John 5:30, ‘I can do nothing on my own… I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.’ “

You’re following the model of Christ—and that’s a position of immense strength, not weakness.

3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.

God has an order assigned to the family structure. It follows that a family will function better when God’s divine order is in operation. Let’s look around—you’ll see that this concept of order and structure, this act of yielding or submission, is actually evident everywhere in life! Children submit to parents; the Church submits to Christ; employees submit to their bosses; team members submit to the team leader; and all of us submit to our governing authorities. Order is important for all relationships and organisations to work well. Submission is an act of giving honor and respect so that we can all function optimally.

4. Mutual submission is biblical.

The Bible talks about mutual submission. 

“… Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 ESV

If we are all seeking to please God, and not ourselves, then we have to grow up and know that life does not revolve around us. If each of us has the mind to yield to one another, we would have much better relationships in the Body of Christ and in our Christian marriages.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How can God be glorified the most in this situation?
• Do I want my own way at the expense of others (your family, your team, your church, etc.)?

The world will not collapse if you don’t get your own way. 

In Hebrews 1:3, it says that “he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” However, if you cannot come to an agreement, yield to your husband and then bend your knee in prayer. You can NEVER EVER go wrong in praying to the Almighty God. Either God will change your mind; change your husband’s mind or change the situation. I’m a firm believer in the power of praying to God! You don’t need to resort to a temper tantrum like crying, screaming, yelling, whining or refusing to budge!

5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, .. ”Ephesians 5:22-25

A husband’s primary command is greater and more demanding because God has made him the head of the wife. God has given husbands the responsibility to protect and provide for their wives and their children. Our part is to submit to our husbands as they obey God to lead their families.

A godly man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even being willing to die for her. This is a man who recognizes his wife is an absolute treasure. God will hold him accountable for how he treats her. A godly husband is committed to loving and being obedient to the Lord. When you marry a man who truly loves God, he will try his best to love you and over time, he will get better at it! Submission is good because following God’s principles brings about blessings and protection.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the man you’re interested in:

• Is God’s character evident in his life?
• Does his conduct show love & humility?
• Does he have a mutually submissive attitude? 
• Does he love God and hate sin?

6. Submission has wise boundaries.

Submission never means submitting to sin or abuse. When you encounter a man who believes submission means you must disobey God in order to obey him, that is not biblical. His aim is to manipulate you for his own selfish gain. God is the Higher Power. Your first submission is always to God.

If your future husband commands something that is against the word of God—such as lying, abusive behavior, or immorality—you must choose to submit to God instead. Whatever you choose to submit to, it should line up with the Word of God and the character of God.

Before marriage, here are some warning signs:

• He’s okay with you lying about the relationship.
• He sees nothing wrong with being sexually active before marriage.
• He has become physically abusive to you. Healthy boundaries are protection. As you grow in health and healing in your walk with God, you will learn to set and protect proper boundaries with everyone—your boss, co-workers, and even your future husband. When you are a healthy person, people are less likely to take advantage of you.

7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

If you are a strong, executive-type of woman, becoming comfortable with submission starts at the very top, that is, surrender to God. The first battle is choosing to surrender your life to the Lordship of Christ and submitting to His word, His ways, and His will.

This is rooted in trusting that God is sovereign, in control, and wants the best for you. When you know God is for you, who can truly be against you?

Summary

Submission is not a weakness. It is an act of wisdom and faith, a choice that follows the model of Jesus Christ. Choose a man who is for God, so that he can be for you.

To recap,

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband, as explored in the Word and lived out in my personal experience:

1. Submission is not inferiority.
2. Submission is voluntary.
3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.
4. Mutual submission is biblical.
5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.
6. Submission has wise boundaries.
7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Proven Steps to Get Your Busy Life Under Control

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post Why Submission Is Not a Dirty Word appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You like him and you think the feeling is mutual, but you’re not one hundred percent certain. To you, he’s just the kind of man you can see as your husband. Should you share your feelings with him? Should you initiate a relationship with him? Before you go a step further, please check out my article, “Should You Pursue A Man? 6 Points to Consider”.

There is an even better alternative!

Here are 4 steps to take when you like a guy:

1) Befriend him.

Let’s say that you attend a conference and you meet “Tom” and he peaks your interest. Should you pass up the opportunity to meet him? Let’s be honest. You actually need to have more single men in your life. What should you do without appearing desperate or needy? 

First of all, do not consider him as a potential husband because you don’t know him as yet. If you think like that, you’ll behave awkwardly toward him. Instead, be friendly; introduce yourself; be yourself; smile; be warm; and seek to be interested in him as a person. Be focused on being his friend and nothing else. Try to calm your excitement; control your emotions; and behave wisely.

You can get your free “7 Tips to Get to Know a Guy Better” in my resource library.

How does pursuing defer from befriending?

Pursuing involves:

• Telling him that you are romantically interested in him before he declares his interest in you.
• Asking him to be in a relationship with you.
• Asking him to marry you.
• Chasing after him by persistent calling and messaging and it’s not being reciprocated.

Befriending involves:

• Introducing yourself.
• Initiating a conversation.
• Showing sincere interest in him as a fellow human being.

We should view single christian men as brothers and friends. Our aim is to gain a friend and not view a single man only as a potential mate. A mindset like that would thwart any healthy relationship from developing. By befriending him (or allowing him to befriend you), it will open up the door so that you can get to know each other without pressure. 

2) Pray and trust God.

If you sincerely believe that he’s the one for you, instead of taking matters into your own hands, why not pray about it? Place the matter before God and wait on Him. I’ve come to realize that it’s important to trust in God’s wisdom and sovereignty. In hindsight, I’m very grateful that God didn’t answer some of my fervent requests regarding men.

3) Observe him.

When you like someone a lot, it will take great effort to see a man as he truly is. You will probably (unintentionally) overlook some keys aspects of his character. But you must try hard to be objective. It is important to look deeper than his looks, charm, his talents and even his ministry success.

Some observations about him:

• How does he handle problems?
• How does he treat other women?
• Does he possess qualities that you can respect?
• How many past relationships has he had after coming to Christ? Why did the relationships fail?
• Do you have similar beliefs and values about God and other areas that are important to you?
• Is he a player?
• Would you two get along well together?

Don’t forget to access your freebie “7 Tips to Get to Know a Guy Better”!

4) Investigate him.

This may sound too radical, but marriage is serious business. The more you know about his character, your decision about him will be more informed … should he begin to pursue him. Ask about him. Listen to what others say about his character, his values, and his beliefs. In particular, what do your mutual friends have to say about him?

When my husband was beginning to like me, he asked at least two of our mutual friends about me. That was smart of him!

Related Articles:

So God Said That I’ll Be Your Wife? Oh really?…5 Tests to Know If He’s the One

Should You Pursue A Man? 6 Points to Consider 

8 Tips to Overcome Your Shyness with an Attractive Guy

Summary

There is no need to deny that you like a guy. Instead of pursuing him, you can decide to pursue a friendship. In that way, you gain a brother and will have better insights to determine if he is your complimentary fit. Leave the pursuing up to him.

What do you do when you like a guy? How do you deal with those feelings? Please comment below and let me know! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get your free “7 Tips to Get to Know a Guy Better” by completing the form below to get access to my resource library (while it is still free!)!!! 

The post What to Do When You Like a Guy appeared first on Petals Bloom.

As Sharon and Pete grow closer, Pete discloses some of the issues that he has faced in the past and some of his weaknesses.  Also, Sharon finds that his voice can be a little annoying.  Sharon is wondering if she can accept him as he is.

As your relationship with a man develops, you will discover his good traits as well as his weaknesses.  Or, you find that he eats like a pig.  Or, he doesn’t have the deep masculine voice that you find to be simply pore-raising.  Or, he picks his nose and that is the worst thing someone can do in your presence!  

What should you do when you discover that your prince has some “holes” in his soul or has some quirks that you didn’t bargain for? 

Options:

1. Accept him at face value and nurture the relationship.
2. Move forward and decide that you’ll fix him up as soon as you say “I do” at the altar.
3. Focus on the future version of him and let that be your motivating factor.
4. End it now because you cannot handle who he is right now.

Options 1 and 4 are good, but not options 2 and 3.  In order to build a good strong relationship with a man, it is crucial that you accept him as he is.

Here are 6 convincing reasons you need to accept a man as he is:

1) He wants to be loved for who he is.

Every one of us wants to be loved unconditionally.  He is no exception.  As such, he wants to be loved for the man that he is today and not the man that he will be in five years’ time.  It is definitely good to see his potential with loving eyes, but you don’t know what the future will bring.  If he doesn’t live up to your expectations, would you be disappointed in him?  Would you be able to continue to love, respect and admire him?

2) He doesn’t want to be a makeover project.

You can do your own personal makeover, but to have an agenda to have a renovation project on the man that you love is asking for relationship problems.  He might ask for your help in certain areas, but you do not want to coerce him to be the man that you think he should be.  Only one message you’ll be sending to him and that is “I’m not good enough for you.”  

A man wants to change when he is ready – on his own terms and in his timing.  Your desire to change him is equivalent to being a controlling woman.  No man wants to be controlled by the woman he loves.  He’s not looking for a second mother, but is looking for a woman with whom he can have an adult relationship as his equal peer.  Otherwise, in time, he will resent you and lose affection for you.  He may begin to see you as a mother-figure instead of as a wife.  That is not very appealing!

3) He will draw closer to you.

If you accept him as he is (the whole package), he will breathe a sigh of relief and be comfortable to share his life with you.  As a result, he will draw closer to you.  However, if a man senses that you’re displeased with him, he will probably not bother with you altogether.  He will not be motivated to be with you and your rejection of his true self will cause him to run away from you. He wants you to love him, the real him and not a fictional version of himself.   

4) It will free him and empower him to reach his full potential.

Have you ever seen someone in a straight-jacket trying to accomplish anything worthwhile?  It is almost impossible!  A man needs to feel the freedom to be himself around you.  He wants to be able to share his wildest dreams and his darkest secrets with you.  

He will only feel comfortable and at peace doing this with a woman with whom he feels totally accepted.  Feeling your acceptance will also encourage him to try new endeavours and overcome limiting beliefs about himself.  In essence, he will feel empowered to conquer the world now that he has a supportive woman backing him.

5) He wants to be your hero.

Every sober-thinking man knows that he is not perfect. However, he wants to be close to perfection in your eyes.  You’re the woman he wants to be admired by above all other women in the world.  All the bragging he does or silly gestures are indications that he’s trying to impress you.  Any attempt to change him will tell him that he’s not the man for you.  It translates to, “I’m not her hero nor can I ever be.”  If you want to attract and keep the right man, you have to learn to focus and adore his better side.

When you have won his heart and in his confidence, then you would have learnt how to carefully and tactfully communicate to him the areas in which he may need to change.  However, it is infinitely more powerful to shower these matters in prayer first and listen to God’s discernment for timing before you share your opinions.  

6) He will feel confident and secure with you.

A man is looking for a woman who will be his lifelong cheerleader.  When you accept a man as he is, he will feel safe to share his entire life with you.  In time, you will see his confidence grow and he will become even more masculine and attractive to you.  This is the kind of power a supportive woman has over a man.  Use it wisely!  If he senses that you’re always displeased about something he said or did, he will not open up to you.  

NOTE:  Accepting a man as he is does not mean accepting abusive behavior.  When abuse is present, he needs a counselor and not a wife!  Run!

Summary

As you get to know a man really well AND your eyes are opened, you will see his weaknesses, flaws and annoying habits.  You have to decide what you can live with and what you cannot live with.  You need to determine the deal breakers for you.

To try to force him to change is manipulative and counter-productive.  If God doesn’t force us to change, why should we even attempt such a venture with a man that we are growing to love?!?  He’s an adult and as such, we should treat him that way.

Also, it is not wise to marry a man because you see the wonderful potential that he has.  If you don’t like him as he is now, it doesn’t make sense to be in love with the man that he might one day become. That’s rooted in fantasy and the realities of marriage will jerk you out of that dream leaving your head spinning with bewilderment and disappointment.  Don’t go there at all! 

Be sober!

You must go into a marriage making a sober decision about him.  If you cannot accept the man as he is today, then it is better to end the relationship and look for someone else who you can readily accept. 

All men have flaws (like women) and you have to decide which ones you’re willing to live with.  Now ladies, if you plan to marry, forget about perfection.  A perfect man (or woman) does not exist (except Jesus).  If you cannot live with any imperfections (in your eyes), remaining single is a better option for you.

To recap, here are 6 convincing reasons you need to accept a man as he is:

1. He wants to be loved for who he is.
2. He doesn’t want to be a makeover project.
3. He will draw closer to you.
4. It will free him and empower him to reach his full potential.
5. He wants to be your hero.
6. He will feel confident and secure with you.

Is there a man in your life that you can accept and love him as he is?  Do you need to forget someone because you just cannot be with him in his present state?  What are the deal breakers for you?  Comment below and let us know your thoughts.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

The post Accept Him as He Is | 6 Convincing Reasons appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Can you help your boyfriend or fiancé become the best future husband that he can be?

Claudia was about to give up on finding the man of her dreams.  Then boom … out of the blue (it seems), she has met Robert.  Things are going pretty well.  Her head is spinning with excitement and even disbelief.  

She certainly wants a marriage where Christ is honored.  Now, she’s wondering what is her role in helping him to become the best future husband that he can be.

Here are 5 wise actions to help him become the best future husband:

1) Pray regularly for him.

According to Stormie Omartian of “The Power of a Praying Wife Book of Prayers”, ‘prayer is the ultimate love language.’  I tend to agree.  Praying for your boyfriend or fiancé from the beginning of the relationship will reap tremendous earthly and eternal rewards.  If you truly want the best for him, then he needs your prayers more than anything physical.  

My friend advised me to get the book and begin to use it to guide my prayers for my husband-to-be.  I think it was the best pre-marital advice that I received.  Within a short time, I saw changes in him and in me.  When you begin to pray for someone else, God also changes your heart.  He wins and you win because no one escapes from God’s transforming power.

2) Encourage him to be involved in a community of believers (like a local church).

Participation in a Bible-believing church is a must for all believers seeking to truly follow Jesus, including your boyfriend or fiancé.  No church is perfect and in its imperfection, a believer becomes mature. 

Benefits of a local church:

• Be among believers of all ages;
• Opportunities to serve others;
• Be taught by preachers and teachers of the Word;
• Protection from attacks and deception of the enemy;
• Surrounded by people who will pray for him;
• Learn to be faithful;
• Mentored by older, more spiritually-mature men;
• Opportunity to give financially; 
• To be known and loved;
• Help him to become the best future husband;

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25

3) Encourage him to participate in a small group Bible study.

A man can get lost in a church, especially if it is large.  Therefore, he needs a place where he can be ‘intimately’ known and belong; where he has a voice and his opinions are respected; where he can go deep in God’s Word; be challenged in his views; share his opinions; and debate with others.  A small group Bible study provides this kind of environment.  

I think most men prefer when it’s all male.  Have you ever noticed that in a small group Bible study with both men and wome that women do the most talking?  Hence, there is a place for men-only meetings.

An example from real life.

I know a group of five single guys and one married man who met regularly for discussions and prayer many years ago.  When each of the single men was interested in or courting a lady, he was placed in the “hot seat” from time to time.  He was questioned about his intentions toward her; how he was dealing with sexual temptation and the like. 

When the five single guys got married, the wives joined the group.  Throughout the years, their friendships have continued to enhance their individual walks with God and their marriages.

If more of our men were to have relationships like these, more men would treat their girlfriends and later wives more honorably.  Additionally, you want him to be in close relationship with married men who are good husbands and fathers so that they can rub off on him.

4) Support his friendship with his male best friend.

Even if he doesn’t have a group of men like in point 3, he absolutely needs a Christian friend who is like a brother.  

5 reasons your future husband needs a Christian male best friend:

• Accountability – to hold him responsible for this choices and actions;
• Strength- to help him to be strong when life becomes difficult;
• Encouragement – to give support and confidence when he feels like giving up;
• Prayer partner – to pray him through weaknesses and failures;
• Acceptance – a ‘place’ where he is comfortable sharing openly;

If he doesn’t have any close male Christian friends, I would suggest that you don’t waste time.  Start praying ASAP!  Someone will influence him and you don’t want the influence to come from fools.  Remember your goal is the best future husband and not one who will have you constantly on your knees because he’s foolish.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”  Proverbs 13:20 ESV

5) Pray and encourage a good relationship with his father.

The greatest influence on a man, besides God, is his father.  Society might downplay this, but whether a father is present or absent affects the emotional and mental health of an individual.  Important to note that fathers help turn boys into men.  Additionally, it is also impacts the way he views and relates to God, his heavenly Father.  

If he has a good strong relationship with this father, pray that it stays that way.  If not, pray for healing and reconcilation.  Undoubtedly, your prayers can play a big part in this resolution.  If his father has already died, pray that God heals his heart and places a godly father-figure in his life.  However, also pray that this “new” relationship is healthy because his need for identity and validation can cause an imbalanced relationship with this substitute father.

Related Articles:

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity 

Is He Showing Interest? 10 Pointers to Keep Your Confidence Intact

Summary 

Without a doubt, the above steps will help your boyfriend to be the best future husband that he can be.  Even if you don’t end up marrying him, another woman will benefit.  As a kingdom-minded woman, you will be content that you have made those positive contributions to another family.

What other actions can you take to help your boyfriend or fiance to be the best future husband that he can be?  What advice have you heard from other married men?  Are there observations that you have personally made?  Comment below and share with us all. 

How would you know if you found a good fit for you (job, friend or husband) if you don’t even know who you are?!?  Don’t delay …  get your questionnarie today!  

My aim is to help each of you thrive during this season of singleness in every key area of your life.  If you would like that support, subscribe and join the “Petals Bloom” community.  You will receive weekly emails from me.  

As a welcome gift, your free “Know Yourself” questionnaire will be delivered right into your inbox.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

Love,

Kimberly Garth 

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

Recommended Book:

“The Power of a Praying Wife Book of Prayers” by Stormie Omartian 

The post 5 Actions to Help Him Become The Best Future Husband appeared first on Petals Bloom.

“Sheila” was hoping that they would get married soon, but “Richie” has decided that he wants to pursue further studies first.  A wedding is not likely to happen for a few years still.  

What should “Sheila” do?  Should she continue in this long courtship with “Richie” or would it be better to move on?

My story

One day, a friend mentioned to me that long courtships rarely end in marriage.  At that time, I was in a courtship for at least four years.  I thought to myself that my “Richie” and I will not be a part of that statistic.  Undoubtedly, our relationship was strong enough to take us into wedded bliss.  

After-all, we were two dedicated Christians who sought God’s guidance from day one of our budding romance.  However, about a year later, our relationship also ended to our dismay.  After that breakup, I felt like I had lost a part of me.

Survey Results

The University of Texas in Austin conducted a survey following 168 couples since the 1980s.  The results show that couples who have courted for an average of eighteen months (including around half of that time being engaged) stayed together for the long-term.

Here are four no-nonsense reasons to rethink long courtship:

1) Increasing temptation to engage sexually.

When a man and woman are romantically involved, their desire for sexual intimacy increases as their love blossoms.  They have a choice – either to submit to their sexual appetites or to restrain themselves.

With the blurred lines between foreplay and sexual intercourse, many Christian couples find themselves engaging in sexual activity before marriage, as an outward expression of their love.  Since they are not ready to get married, they submit to their passions rather than “burn”. 

“It just happened?”

Too often, we hear the phrase “it just happened” when a pregnancy occurs.  However, that is stretching the truth.  Penetration doesn’t just happen between two consenting adults. 

It is highly impossible to go from holding hands straight to penetration in one swift transition!  Foreplay must have been taking place to increasing degrees between the couple.

Therefore, many Christian couples in long courtships have chosen to become sexually involved instead of getting married.  

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”  1 Corinthians 7:8-9 ESV

Possible Solution: 

Focus on building good friendships with him, as well as other men.  You will be less likely to engage in sexual activity when you are only friends with a guy.  The concept of “friends with benefits” is pure foolishness.  Our bodies are connected to our hearts, minds and souls, so don’t fall for that lie.

Related articles:

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

How Far is Too Far | 6 Naked Questions to Ask Yourself 

2) One person becomes ready for marriage while the other is not.

In most long courtships, one person will become impatient with the process and will want to get married sooner.  That person is usually the woman since she’s likely the one to be most concerned about her biological clock. 

She begins to ask the following questions:

• Is he really serious about me?
• Will we ever get married?
• Am I wasting my time with him?
• Should I move on?

Doubts begin to rise in her which places significant pressure on the relationship.  Either the man will give into her desires (probably resentfully since he wasn’t ready); the relationship will end; or they’d continue along with growing resentment between them.

On the other hand, it could also be the man who becomes ready first as more and more women are more career-oriented than family-oriented.  There are men who prioritize and value marriage and family more than their female companions.

Possible Solution: 

Don’t enter a romantic relationship now if you (or him) have no plans for marriage in the near future.  Enjoy your friendship with him. If you (or him) desire to marry sooner, there will be no pressure to convince the other person; give ultimatums; execute a guilt trip and do any other less desirable actions.  

Additionally, another winsome guy may come along who is ready for marriage when you are also ready.  Life and decisions become more simpler when you’re not tied into a long courtship.

3) Risk the loss of passion.

For the Christian couple who chooses to refrain from any form of sexual indulgence, a long courtship will likely cause a numbing of their sexual desire in order to cope.

In particular, for a man, his sexual passion for the woman dies a slow death.  In his mind, she moves into the friend zone.  The eventual outcome is that he loses his interest to marry her.  It’s only a matter of time before the courtship ends. 

Possible Solution: 

Preserve your sexual desirability and self-confidence by being friends with him and others. If you never marry him, no loss to both of you.

4) You will change as the years go by.

As you are maturing and changing, there might be a growing gap between you and him.  Then, you might realize that the guy to whom you are committed is not the best fit for the woman you have become.  You might break it off… leaving the poor guy heartbroken.  (But that’s better than marrying him though!)

Or, you might continue along and feel an increasing sense of dissatisfaction.  To complicate matters, you might meet an incredible guy who is more your complementary fit.  

(Note: When you get married, change or no change, you stick with your husband. Don’t even entertain thoughts that another man will fit you better!)

Possible Solution:  

Use your singleness years to become the best you.  When you do become ready, you’ll be better at discerning which guy is your complimentary fit at that point in time.  It is better to go into marriage with desire, admiration and respect for the man you marry. 

Related articles:

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” Song of Songs 8:4 ESV

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23 ESV

Summary

Ladies, trust God with your love life.  There is a better option than getting stuck in a long courtship.  Being in a romantic relationship should not be your identity. Rather, focus on understanding and embracing your identity in Christ which is superbly better.

Use your freedom to develop into a woman that God wants You to be.  Life is full of wonderful opportunities when you’re single and disengaged.  So if you have no immediate plans of marriage, embrace your singleness and enjoy it fully!  

A happy attractive confident woman of God will always be in demand by sensible men.  So if you miss out on “Richie”, there might be a future with “Charlie”, “Smithie” or “Billie”.  But don’t be too picky! Lol

For more tips on following Christ as a single Christian woman, subscribe and receive my weekly emails.  Also, you’ll receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist when you subscribe.

If you want a gem of a man, you need to also be a gem of a woman.  Check out “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist and discover the areas that you need to work on from now.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended books:

“Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control” by Elisabeth Elliot

“Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret” by Paula Rinehart

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 4 No-Nonsense Reasons to Rethink A Long Courtship  appeared first on Petals Bloom.

“Tom” has shown keen interest in “Patricia” and the feeling is mutual.  However, she has had several suitors in the past but all have ended with disappointment. Can “Patricia” win the heart of a godly man like “Tom”?

If you plan to engage the heart of a man, you need to understand how he thinks and what he really needs.  In the heart of every man lies a desire to be respected and admired.  This calls for a serious re-training of the average woman, even a Christian woman.  

Here are 5 secrets a woman needs to know to win the heart of a godly man:

1) Accept him as he is.

A godly man knows that he is not perfect.  Yet, he longs for a woman who will love and accept him as he is.  Learning to love a man unconditionally is the only way to build a lasting relationship with him.  As such, you have to learn to accept the good and the not-so-good.  

Without a doubt, he does not want to be your renovation project.  As a matter of fact, if you realise that he has certain inclinations which aggravate you to your core, you’re better off leaving him alone.

2) Appreciate him.

In order to do this effectively, you need to make an effort to know him.  Ask him open-ended questions to encourage him to talk about himself.  Additionally, observe his interactions with others and how he handles life on a whole.

Like a good detective, you cannot leave all the observing to yourself.  Ask your mutual friends about him.  

Find a way to tactfully communicate to him your appreciation of his character and uniqueness.  When the romance was budding between my husband and me, I noticed that my husband had a special knack for lyrics (afterall, he is a rapper!).  I’d tell him (with a glowing smile) that he was a lyrical genius. A smile would light up his face whenever I showered him with compliments.

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24 ESV

A man who is interested in you will display small acts of kindness toward you like opening the door for you; calling to find out how you’re doing; offering you a ride home and the like. Don’t take those acts for granted but rather smile and say “thank you”.

3) Admire his masculinity.

It’s all well and good to admire his character and uniqueness as a fellow human being (point two).  However, a masculine man longs to be admired for his manly qualities by a woman he adores. 

Most men today experience a desert in this area.  They have become so used to being belittled by those around them, from boyhood to manhood.  Furthermore, our current culture propagates that women should “cut men down to size” by magnifying their shortcomings and withholding our compliments.  Only foolish women will fall for that mindset.  

Therefore, when a woman enters into his life and speaks this love language of encouraging words, he will most likely want her to become an integral part of his life. 

If you want to win the heart of a godly man, you need to cultivate the habit of using your words to build him up continually.  

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18 ESV

I made a conscious effort to be generous with my words of affirmation toward the last two men who pursued me.  Both wanted to marry me, but I married the last one. It was a good choice!

Be sincere and specific.  You cannot just say, “Tom, I really admire you.” Instead, you can say, “Tom, I admire your dedication to working hard in order to earn a living.  You’re such a responsible man. The world would be a better place if there were more men like you around.”

Tip: Start practicing this with the men in your lives like your father and brother(s).  Watch how your words will impact them.

4) Support him in his dreams.

Every man needs a cheerleader in his wife-to-be.  In the movie “The Founder”, Ray Kroc’s wife was portrayed as unsupportive and critical of his dreams.  Unfortunately, another woman arrived on the scene with whom he could have shared his glorious dreams for McDonald’s global expansion.  He later divorced his wife and married her. 

I’m definitely not supporting this turn of events but it just goes to show the critical importance of a woman’s support in a man’s life.

Therefore, if you want to win his heart, he needs to be assured of your unwavering support of his goals and dreams.  If you cannot support him, it’ll be better to leave him alone because eventually he will sense it.

5) Feed him.

There’s a tremendous truth to the old adage, “the way to a man’s heart is through this stomach.” Even if a man is a great cook himself, he would appreciate it if his wife-to-be can provide a wholesome meal for him and their children.  When a woman cooks (or bakes) for a man, he feels cared for.  

True story

Recently, I told my husband that I wanted to bake a chocolate cake to show my appreciation for a gentleman who was kind to us.  However, my husband felt that the gesture of a cake would give the wrong impression or even evoke feelings of tenderness toward me. If the man was elderly, he would not have minded.  That is the power of cooking on a man, dear ladies!  Wield that power! haha

If you want to win the heart of the right man, cook or bake something delicious for him from time to time.  He wouldn’t want to give you up!  

For those who are challenged in this area, enroll in a cooking course; ask a friend or relative to teach you; or subscribe to a YouTube cooking channel.  There is no shortage of teaching! I’ve noticed that it’s more of an attitude change that’s needed among women today. Any woman can learn to cook or bake sufficiently good if she is willing to learn. 

Summary

Although you may not stoop to the level of belittling the man in your life, you might simply choose to be silent.  Since he cannot read your mind, it’s important that you learn to express your acceptance, appreciation, admiration and support of him.

Top that with some home-cooked meals or home-baked goods and he’ll have a hard time resisting his desire to spend the rest of his earthly life with you.  Don’t forget that your feminine nature will also be shining through!  Check out “6 Practical Tweaks to Get A Man’s Attention.” If you want to win the heart of a godly woman, you also need to be a woman worthy of pursuit. 

To recap, here are 5 secrets a woman needs to know to win the heart of a godly man:

1. Accept him as he is.
2. Appreciate him.
3. Admire his masculinity.
4. Support him in his dreams.
5. Feed him.

What has been your experience with men? What makes a man want to give up his freedom as a single man to marry a woman?  Please comment below because I would love to hear your views!

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

The post How to Win the Heart of a Godly Man | 5 Secrets appeared first on Petals Bloom.

While “Sarah” was away for college, she met “Jack” at a barbeque event.  He immediately caught her attention, but their first interaction was limited. Shortly after, they became friends on Facebook.  From time to time, they saw each other since they were in similar social circles.  

“Jack” grew to admire her and so did his interest, but he mistook her shyness for disinterest.  So he moved on.

Eventually, “Sarah” returned to her home country.  There was no more communication with “Jack” for a few years.  Then, “Jack” re-entered “Sarah’s” life and they hit it off. However, this time they were separated by land and sea.  

As they got to know each other better through regular conversations, they became intimate friends and their love for each other began to blossom.  Would their long distance relationship survive?

My story

My husband is from Jamaica and I’m from Trinidad and Tobago.  Like “Sarah” and “Jack”, our love grew when we were apart. For roughly two years, our relationship was a long distance one.  Then, we got married. Yay!

Here are 14 practical tips for a successful long distance relationship:

1. Commitment to each other.

Both of you need to know the level of commitment involved.  Before you proceed to commit your heart to any man (long distance or not), ensure that you both are committed to the end goal of marriage.  If you’re not moving toward marriage, a friendship will suffice.  Therefore, you can continue as a happy single disengaged woman.  

Remember that you’re too precious for a “situationship.”  Check out “Situationship” or Relationship … 5 Reasons It Should be Clear.” 

2. Make the relationship a priority.

If you both agree that the end goal is marriage, it’s important that you make the relationship a priority.  Talk about your future together and set goals for the relationship. 

Although he’s not present, be faithful to him in your heart and actions. Flirting with other men is out of the question for a godly woman. Give him no room to begin to distrust you. A healthy marriage thrives on mutual trust.

If he’s extremely jealous and insecure, then that’s a whole different matter.

3. Arrange to meet physically regularly.

You can feel close to a person through online means, but for the relationship to grow and to be nurtured, you need to be in each other’s physical space from time to time.  The regularity of meeting will depend on factors like money, distance, work commitment, vacation days and the like. 

Regularly meeting in real life will allow you both to know and understand each other better.  You cannot love who you do not truly know.  Also, meet in both countries … sometimes his and sometimes yours.  You need to see him in his natural environment and vice versa.  Remember that if you see disturbing warning signs, take them seriously and put an end to the relationship.  

For instance, if on a visit, you notice that he treats his mother and sisters with contempt and disrespect, then you will know that he will eventually treat you in the same manner.  It’s time for “Jack” to hit the road. You will never know some things by communicating only online.

Also, even when you are together in real life, give yourselves space to breathe. Times apart would be healthy individually and relationally for both of you.

4. Schedule weekly “dates”.

Since you’re not in the same physical space, you need to be intentional about carving out unrushed time for each other.  Try to choose a time that is convenient for both of you.  It would not be good if one person is constantly falling asleep during your dates.  

During this time, give each other your undivided attention.  Make it fun and interesting and give it variety.  If you do video, try to look decent, but real (like no false eyelashes!).  

Here are some suggestions:

• Talk about your past week – highlights and low points and discuss why.
• Do tests – personality tests, love languages test, etc.
• Cover the 36 Questions That Lead To Love.
• Share what God has been teaching you.
• Pray for each other.
• Share memories.
• Watch a movie online together.
• Play online games together.

Take advantage of this level of communication.  When there’s no opportunity for sexual indulgence, you can get really get to know each other deeply.  You need to know that men generally talk less after marriage (few exceptions) so take advantage of this benefit of a long distance relationship.  In courtship, he’s willing to talk about anything under the sun!

5. Pray for him.

This goes without saying.  An important ministry that you will have as a wife is to pray for your husband.  It’s best you start praying from now!  Do not underestimate what this will do for him, your relationship and your future marriage.  

When I became engaged, I bought a copy of “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian and began to pray.  I kid you not… in a relatively short pace of time, I began to see positive changes in my fiancé and myself.  Now that I’m married, it sits right next to my Bible to guide my prayers for him.

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” James 5:16b

6. Share your life with him.

This means giving him an idea of your schedule – when you’re going to work; when you have classes; when you have arrived home; etc.  It’s just common courtesy.  Since he’s in another country, you have to intentionally share your life with him.  Also, he wants to know that you’re safe and sound. 

Sharing your life would also include talking about present and past trivial and significant situations; how they made you feel; your reactions; what you disliked; what you appreciated, what you learnt, information about your family and close friends, and the like. In essence, you want him to know the real you. 

Courtship (even long distance courtship) is a preparation for marriage.  Therefore, you need to begin sharing more and more of your life together (except the bed!).

7. Send pics (decent) and videos. 

Men are very visual so this helps to keep the interest alive.  He’s interacting with other single women in his life, so you need to go the extra mile to remind him how adorable you are (your looks, mannerisms, voice, etc.).  Remind him constantly!  

I’m not very good at taking my own pics, so this was a challenge for me. When I did remember to take a photo, he was ever so pleased.

Also, have memorabilia that reminds you of each other like photos, tokens (like a bracelet) and hand-written cards.

8. Don’t go to bed angry.

Better practice this from now!  If you two are being real, disagreements will come.  Even though it’s a long distance relationship, you need to implement biblical ways of handling conflict and dealing with anger and frustration.  

With a long distance relationship, it’s very easy to “punish” the other person when there’s a disagreement. You simply end the phone or stop writing which is a lot easier to do than if the person was physically next to you.  Undoubtedly, habits developed in courtship will most likely continue in marriage.

God bless my husband for his strength in this area.  He insisted that we had to resolve the issue amicably (at least to the point of not being upset) before going to bed.  Admittedly, I was the one who needed to grow in this area.

9. Be considerate and respect boundaries.

Depending on the time difference, you may need to talk for a shorter time during a work week so that he can function well at work.  If it’s 8:00pm in your country and midnight in his country, you cannot reasonably expect to speak with him for four hours if he has to go to work for 8:00am!  

Also, when he has to go to work, it’s not a good time to start a long intense conversation about something that is bothering you.  If it’s not a life and death matter, leave it for later. As a single woman, you need to learn to manage your emotions from now, regardless of how intense they may feel at the time.

Remember that love acts in the best interest of the other person.

10. Learn to understand and adapt to the other person.

Listen carefully to him when he speaks and when he relates a situation.  What makes him happy? How does he feel respected? What are his fears? Are you beginning to discern some of his strengths and weaknesses?  What do you do that irritates him? In what way can you begin to support him? How can you encourage him?

11. Have fun!

Enjoy your conversations.  Sometimes, it will be intense, but you cannot want to talk about how hurt you are all the time.  After a stressful day at work, he wants to de-stress and have a conversation with the most charming and enjoyable woman in the world who makes him feel like he’s the luckiest man in the world.  You can even have pet names for each other.  

12. Ensure they meet your family and friends when they visit.

When you visit each other, you need to be around his family and friends and vice versa.  It will be very unwise to spend all your time alone together because it will limit your true knowledge of each other.  

Besides, your loved ones would be better at discerning his character and intentions than you would be.  They are there for your protection so please give them that opportunity. 

13. Show your love.

Learn to speak his love language.  For all men, words of affirmation ranks high.  As such, let him know OFTEN what you admire about him and how much you respect him.  Ladies, men absolutely love this! Read “Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs.

Also, let him see that you’re important to him by messaging him intermittently throughout the day.  It shows that you care for him and that you are thinking about him.  But don’t overdo it. You’re not needy and you have a life besides him.

Other helpful tips:

• Like and comment on his social media posts.
• Acknowledge and appreciate any references made about you.
• Send gifts on special occasions.
• Surprise him.

14. Don’t neglect your current relationships.

With a long distance relationship, it is tempting to spend all your waking moments with him.  Resist that temptation!  That borders on obsession and it gives him the impression that “my-life-is-all-about-you”.  A healthy godly man will soon tire of that. 

Therefore, you still need to invest and nurture your relationships with God, your family, your friends and yourself.  Put down the phone and spend time with your parents.  Go out with your friends and have a fantastic time. Spend time reading or doing beauty treatments.  As a matter of fact, resist the urge to constantly check your phone.  He can wait and you can have self-control.  In the long run, he would appreciate that you had boundaries and balance.

Related Articles:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating [Streaming Love Series Part 1]

When The Guy You Like is a Foreigner | 6 Sober Insights [Streaming Love Series Part 2]

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

Summary

Long distance relationships are becoming more common as people study abroad; travel more for work and pleasure; and date online.  It’s not to be feared, but instead, make adjustments to your thinking and put measures in place for a successful relationship.  

Have you ever been in a long distance relationship?  Are you open to it? What advice would you give for its success?  I’d love to hear your views. Comment below so that we can all learn from one another.

If you’d like to receive other tips to grow as a single Christian woman, subscribe and I’ll send you short weekly engaging emails.  Also, you will receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist in your Inbox.

It’s never too early or too late to know where you are at emotionally and begin your journey to become an emotionally healthy woman of God.  Everyone in your life would be super thankful!:)

Thanks for stopping by!

#madetolove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 14 Proven Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship appeared first on Petals Bloom.

It has only been six weeks and already you feel that “Brent” is the one that you’ve always been waiting for.  He’s kind, sensitive, makes you laugh and knows exactly how to make you feel like you’re the most special woman in the world.  

You go to Pinterest and start a board on “My Perfect Wedding.” 

Falling in love can happen quickly!  But before you commit your heart to “Mr. Seems-So-Right-for-Me”, you need to have a few important conversations with him.  

Here are 7 must-have discussions to have before you commit your heart:

1) How he became a Christian.

First, you need to find out how he became a Christian.  This will give the clearest indication about his beliefs concerning Christianity and if he’s had a real genuine life-changing encounter with Jesus.  A person can grow up in church; have the head knowledge about being a Christian, and talk like one without being a true Christian.  

Without life transformation through Jesus Christ, he’s just a regular religious guy without the Holy Spirit.  In essence, he’s really an non-Christian.  The Holy Spirit makes all the difference between religion and relationship.

Even if his conversion testimony shows that he sincerely gave his life to Christ, he might have embraced other theological ideas over time.  Therefore, you both need to sit and have a healthy discussion about that.  

Otherwise, you might find yourself in an ongoing theological battle in the future.  Furthermore, if you marry him, you may find yourself switching to a church whose core beliefs you do not embrace.

Related article:

6 Glaring Signs He is Not a True Christian

2) His views on sex and his own sexual experiences.

Before you enter a relationship with a guy, you need to know his views on premarital sex (including foreplay).  This gives a good indication of his spiritual maturity and what he would expect going forward.  

Although he may have had other sexual partners before his encounter with Christ, he would have a desire to abstain from sex until marriage if he’s a growing Christian. 

If he believes that Christians should engage in premarital sex, leave that man right there.  He’s a fake.

You also need to know if he’s a virgin or not and the extent of his sexual history and you, of course, need to disclose the same.  There’s no need to go into details. Deluded people may want you to think that having premarital sex has no bearing on your future marriage.  But nothing can be further from the truth.  

Your ability to experience full intimacy with him will be lessened the more partners he’s had (or you’ve had).  Read Josh McDowell’s “Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex.”  Going forward, you need to soberly understand what you’re getting into.

My story

I really liked “Tom”.  When I found out about his sexual history with women, I cried and cried and cried.  I knew that his sexual experiences would impact our future intimacy as a couple. We didn’t enter a relationship because of other factors, but my heart goes out to him.  Thankfully, we serve a God who redeems, but there are still consequences to our actions.

3) How he spends money.

Discussing finances may not seem like the most romantic topic, but disagreements in this area has crushed the romance in many Christian marriages.  As a single man, does he manage his finances well?  Does he have financial common sense? Does he have the self-control to save some of his money as a single man?  

As a mature man, he should have an income whether he’s employed, self-employed or a minister of religion.  Feelings of love are insufficient when you have bills to pay.  Therefore, please ensure that you commit your heart to a man who is hard-working and responsible with his finances while he is single.  Bad financial habits will follow you in marriage.   

4) His home culture. 

You might want to overlook this but it is extremely important.  Our parents “disciple” us whether we are aware of it or not.  Some elements of our home culture will find its way into our own homes in the future – the good and the not-so-good.  Get a glimpse into his family and you’ll get a glimpse into your future.  

How is conflict dealt with in his home?  What are his views (and yours) about roles of a husband and wife?

If your potential boyfriend comes from an abusive home, he’ll need to get help because it’s unlikely that he will remain untouched by the abuse.  God can definitely change a person but he needs to be willing and intentional in this change process because it will not be easy.

5) His relationship with his father.

A man who has a healthy relationship with his father will be in a better position to be a good husband and father because it has been modeled to him.  It’ll be more natural to him. 

If his father was absent and he has had no good fatherly role models to emulate, he’ll have a lot more insecurity and general ignorance in this area.  

If he doesn’t have a good relationship with his father; no good male role model and refuses to take steps toward healing, you might need to take a step back and reconsider moving forward. 

You need to marry a man who is willing to grow in this area.   A man can only learn to be a good father and husband from another man.

6) His romantic history with women (and men).

You need to know why his relationships ended with “Jane”, “Jill” and “Jackie”.  If he takes no responsibility for the breakups, then that’s a warning sign.  It always “takes two to tango” so he must be at fault in some way (poor mate selection is a fault in itself). 

Also, it’s important to know if he has same-sex attraction issues and how he’s dealing with it.

You also need to know if he’s been sexually abused and what help he’s received.

7) How he deals with conflict.

You can discuss this with him, but it’s equally important that you observe his reactions to conflicts with his parents, siblings, co-workers, friends, authority figures, etc.  When he confides in you, listen carefully.  

Does he know how to forgive?  Does he blame everyone and accepts little or no responsibility for his actions?  How does he deal with his anger? Is he controlling? Does he become violent?  

Ladies, he will eventually treat you the same way he treats his family and friends.  

Related articles:

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity 

5 Sure Tips to Prevent You From Falling for the Wrong Guy

6 Glaring Signs He is Not a True Christian

Summary

In the initial phases of a relationship, you need to have your eyes and ears opened before you commit your heart.  Don’t be so blinded by the feelings of love that you miss key signs.  

If he’s a growing Christian who is actively taking responsibility for his life, then continue moving forward.  It’s also good to involve your parents and key friends in the early stages because they might be a better judge of character than you would be (at this point in time).  

Definitely ensure that you have a spiritually and emotionally stable man to give his input.  Men can smell a “snake” of a man more easily.

Unfortunately, too many single women keep their love affair a secret in the early stages.  By the time their parents or level-headed friends see the warning signs, they’re so attached that breaking up is close to impossible.  

With my husband, I confided in a few of my teammates, my best friend and her husband when I knew that he was interested in me.  I had learnt enough to realise that a strong healthy relationship is a team effort.

Here are the 7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart:

1. How he became a Christian.
2. His views on sex and his own sexual experiences.
3. How he spends money.
4. His home culture. 
5. His relationship with his father.
6. His romantic history with women (and men).
7. How he deals with conflict.

What other issues should be discussed before you commit your heart to a guy?  Please comment below and share with all of us.

If you’d like to get more tips and tools to help you grow in all your key relationships, subscribe and you’ll receive my weekly emails.  Also, you’ll get your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity Checklist.” Thanks for stopping by!

#madetolove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended books:

“Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex” by Josh Mc Dowell 

“Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores The Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret” by Paula Rhinehart

The post 7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Are you allowing your fear of rejection to destroy your love life? 

You have had a few disappointments with love. Either you thought your budding friendship with “Charles” would result in a marriage partner, but it never matured into anything. Or, you’ve had a few failed relationships that left you with a broken heart. You’re close to giving up the idea of marriage altogether and becoming a nun! You’re fed-up with feeling hurt and rejected.

Then … “Philip” arrives on the scene. He’s just the kind of man that you’ve been praying for. But …you’re afraid. What if it doesn’t work out this time? Should you end it before it even begins to save yourself from getting hurt again? Is love even worth the pain?

Most of us have experienced some level of rejection in our interactions with men at some point in time.

These are some common causes:

• You’re interested in a guy and it’s not reciprocated.
• Your former boyfriend ends the relationship and you felt betrayed.
• You and your former boyfriend agree to end it.
• You have been rejected by your biological father.

According to John Eckhardt in “Destroying the Spirit of Rejection: Receive Love and Acceptance and Find Healing”, the two main symptoms of rejection are fear and pride. 

‘Fear says, “I can no longer trust anyone. I have been hurt too badly, so I am afraid of commitment and close relationships.” Pride says. “I can do better by myself. Everyone has hurt me, and because of that I don’t need anyone in my life. I don’t need help. I can make it on my own.”’ – John Eckhardt

The fear of rejection can destroy your love life before a relationship begins or even has had a chance to blossom into marriage. 

My story

I was going along my merry way and enjoying my singleness (for the most part). From time to time, I earnestly prayed, “Lord, I’m ready to be married, so would you please bring my husband-to-be in my life?” (not the exact words!).

Finally, God answered my prayer! What I did not expect was my reaction to my “Phillip’s” pursuit. After waiting for a considerable amount of time for a wonderful man, one would think that I wouldn’t reject him. My behavior was quite the opposite. My fear of rejection (which I never knew I had) began to surface. It nearly destroyed our future together as husband and wife. It’s a good thing that I came to my senses before it was too late.

Here are some of the signs that your fear of rejection might destroy your love life:

1) You keep him at arm’s length.

Just like the other men in your life, you’re not sure that he can be trusted with your heart. Suppose he’s like your father or like “James” who broke your heart. Since you cannot trust him, you cannot be completely yourself around him. You cannot risk being vulnerable and allowing him into your heart. As a consequence, you keep him at a distance and also, keep true love away.

2) You cannot commit.

He is a dream come true. Undoubtedly, he has his faults, but his reputation and character sets him apart. He’s a treasure among men. You don’t want to lose him. But, at the same time, you’re afraid of either committing to an official relationship, courtship, engagement or even marriage. For you, another level of commitment might spell disaster and ruin a good thing. So, you remain in a safe comfort zone.

The level of comfort differs with each person. A woman with a fear of commitment might even make it to the altar, but she usually has “divorce” as a readily available option. 

3) You threaten to end the relationship frequently.

At the first sign of a conflict, you are ready to end the relationship. You want to protect your heart at all costs. Before your heart gets broken by him, you plan to break his heart first. Intellectually, you know that all healthy couples have disagreements, but at this point, you’re thinking only with your heart and not with your head. As a result, you’re unable to handle conflict maturely. Your only means of resolution is ending it or threatening to end it.

4) You make it clear that you don’t really need him.

He feels like he’s ‘walking on egg shells’ around you. Whenever there is a serious disagreement, not only do you threaten to end the relationship, but you also inform him that he’s not necessary. You let him know that you were happy being single before him and you’ll be just as happy without him. Christ is more than enough for you. What respectable man would want to be treated that way?

It’s good for a man to know that Christ is your number one. However, if your motive is one of pride (a symptom of rejection), it will only make the relationship unstable. If God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5), you’ll also find yourself “solo” if you continue in that vein. 

I gave my “Phillip” a very hard time. Every time we had a major disagreement, I told him, “we’re still single and we are not obligated to each other. If we were to end it now, it’ll be fine with me.” My fear of rejection, which I developed from my first broken relationship, reared its ugly head. Thankfully, God used him to help me to overcome rejection. 

5) You compare him with your former boyfriend(s).

He is beginning to feel that he is walking in the shadow of every man who has ever broken your heart. He’s not being given a fair chance. Thus, he feels that he cannot make a mistake, because he may remind you of “James”.

In a moment of conflict, he somehow morphs into “James” and your heartache and disappointment are compounded. Misery will be your own doing until you learn to separate these two men in your heart and mind.

My “Happily Ever After”

At one particular junction, I knew that if I didn’t change, it would have destroyed this loving healthy relationship for which I prayed. I had to change or lose him. It took that reality check for me to stop rejecting him. From that time onward, I stopped threatening to leave when things got difficult for me emotionally. I’m extremely grateful for his persistence in loving me despite my “ugliness”.

Summary

Fear of rejection can protect your heart from further rejection. Unfortunately, it can also keep love out where true healing and deliverance can come. A good relationship (brotherly or romantic) can restore your faith in men … if you were to embrace it.

Unconditional love is foundational for our survival and rejection is its enemy. A fear of rejection can cause you to behave in the following manner: keep “Phillip” at arm’s length; prevent you from making a greater commitment; end the relationship every time serious disagreements occur; communicate to him that you don’t need him; and unfairly compare him with your former boyfriends.

We all wish that relationships would be easier, but in a fallen world, all of us hurt people that we love. Your past disappointments in relationships can ruin your love life if you’re not aware of your rejection issues and if you do not actively deal with your baggage. Sometimes, you’re not even aware of the depth of your “baggage”. But ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what is happening in your heart. He might use a guy to show you just that! If we would choose to go through the process, the benefits would far outweigh the stresses. 

To recap, here are some of the signs that your fear of rejection might destroy your love life:

You …

1. Keep him at arm’s length.
2. Cannot commit.
3. Threaten to end the relationship frequently.
4. Make it clear that you don’t really need him.
5. Compare him with your former boyfriend(s).

What other signs of rejection might destroy a person’s love life? You can share from your experiences or those around you. Please comment below.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

8 Tips to Become Better and NOT Bitter After Heartbreak 

6 Blind Spots Keeping Love Away

Recommended Books:

“Destroying the Spirit of Rejection: Receive Love and Acceptance and Find Healing” by John Eckhardt

“Excuse Me … Your Rejection is Showing” by Noel Gibson and Phil Gibson

The post 5 Signs Fear of Rejection is Destroying Your Love Life appeared first on Petals Bloom.

My “Tyrone”

“Tyrone” and I agreed to end our five-year relationship. We both realized that it didn’t make any sense to continue. On that day, I cried and cried and cried. Five years of my life wasted on that relationship.

Although I was a virgin, for some strange reason, I felt that I had lost my virginity. So much of me, I invested in that relationship. For years, I pictured “Tyrone” as a permanent part fo my life. 

On the following day, it felt like a heavy weight was lifted from me. However, it took years for me to realize the depth of the hurt. I had unknowingly built a wall to protect my heart from being disappointed again.

While walls like that can keep hurt out, they also keep true love out as well. A heartbreak can make us bitter, without even realizing it. We need to safeguard against that. 

There’s hope!

God can turn your ashes into beauty. He did it for me, and since He loves you just the same, He can do the same for you. 

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61:1-3

Here are eight tips to become better and NOT bitter after your heartbreak:

1) Write a letter to him (& discard it!).

Over eight years had passed since my breakup with “Tyrone”. I thought I was completely healed and I had no resentment toward him. As I was reading the book, “Love the Life You Live”, the authors Les Parrott and Neil Clark Warren suggested writing a letter. Armed with pen and paper, I began to write.

Thus, I wrote an extremely long letter to “Tyrone”, sharing all my feelings, thoughts, hurts and disappointments. I kept nothing back. Then, I tore up the letter and discarded it. That exercise helped me to experience another level of healing, that I didn’t even know I needed.

Action Step:

Write a letter to the “Tyrone” in your life. In that letter, express all your hurt, anger, pain, and disappointment to him in the letter. As you write, you may unearth emotions of which you were previously unaware. Then, destroy the letter. Please do not send it to “Tyrone”. I repeat….do not send it to him! The letter is only for your benefit.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

2) Forgive him.

Forgiveness has the power to set you free. It doesn’t matter how awful “Tyrone” treated you. Nor, does it matter if you think that “Tyrone” is undeserving of your forgiveness. It doesn’t matter if forgiveness is not reciprocated by “Tyrone”. The truth is that you need to forgive him, whether he deserves it or not. You need it for your own healing and deliverance.

Action Step:

If you have problem forgiving “Tyrone”. Do this exercise. Get a piece of paper and pen and write down all the sins you have committed since you were born. From what you can recall, it’ll be a very very long list. Unless you drop down and die immediately after reading these words, you’ll probably sin some more before you die.

If God has forgiven you for all your sins and you are the chief offender in your relationship with God, you can surely forgive “Tyrone” in comparison. Don’t let your pride rob you from total freedom. Read Matthew 18: 21-35.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

If you’re having difficulty, ask the Holy Spirit to help you. As my mentor taught me, you can pray, “Lord, I’m not willing, but help me to be willing.” We have to align our wills to God’s will if we want to experience deep healing.

By forgiving “Tyrone”, the following will happen:

• It will be pleasing God;
• You’ll be a good witness of what it means to follow Jesus;
• It will prevent you from becoming a hard unlovable woman;
• You will prepare your heart for loving others including your possible husband-to-be;
• It might ward off physically illness. Unforgiveness affects your entire being including your health.

Obedience always brings blessings…now and for eternity.

Another aspect of forgiveness is praying for the other person. 

Prayer points for “Tyrone”:

• “Tyrone” would grow in his relationship with God. 
• God will reveal to him the areas in which he needs to grow. 
• He will become the man that God wants him to be.
• God will heal his heart from past hurts. 
• He will live a life characterized by dependence and obedience to God.
• He would repent of his wrong doing.

Whenever the bitter thoughts arise, turn them into prayer for him. Don’t let the enemy win. After a while, you’ll notice that you have no resentment toward Tyrone. This is an indication that your heart is becoming better and not bitter.

3) Prioritize your relationship with God.

Romantic relationships and marriages are temporary earthly experiences (except the one between Jesus and His Church). There will be no marriage in Heaven, so we could as well focus our attention on the most important relationship that will outlast all others.

During your single years, you can devote more time to nurturing your relationship with God. Marriage is good but only God has the capacity to satisfy you completely. My prayer for you is that God will satisfy you fully so that every other relationship will pale in comparison.

4) Be among people who love you.

Isolation is your enemy when you are going through a breakup. Although, you may feel that you want to be alone and deal with your hurt by yourself. Fight that feeling. It will only get you depressed.

Hence, you need to be around family and friends whom you enjoy; with whom you can share openly; who can be honest with you; who can encourage you; and who can pray for you. Never underestimate the power of prayer from those who sincerely love you and know God personally.

5) Pour your life into others.

We don’t exist for ourselves. Serving others can be life-giving. It will help you to forget about your own woes, and instead focus on being a blessing to others.

Do you enjoy feeding the poor? Can you volunteer at an orphanage or hospice? Which young women can you mentor? I’ve spent years mentoring young women and it has been a tremendously warming experience. It probably helped me to overcome my heartbreak more than I even realize.

6) Evaluate where you went wrong and become your better self.

You might be tempted to blame “Tyrone” entirely for the breakup. However, “it takes two to tango.” Therefore, you need to also take some responsibility for the current situation. You would have contributed to the situation one way or the other.

Questions to consider about “Tyrone”:

• Were there warning signs you ignored before you started the relationship?
• Did your parents or friends warn you?
• Were there any unbiblical compromises that you willing made to keep him happy?
• Was “Tyrone” your “fixer upper” renovation project?
• Did you try to manipulate him to make him more committed to you.

For me, the warning signs were there, but I choose to disregard them. I also lost myself in the relationship.

Instead of becoming bitter, you need to take a close look at yourself. 

Questions to consider about you:

• Do your former relationships end for the same reasons? What complaints did other guys have about you? Are their points valid?
• Was your selection good in the first place? Did he know and love Jesus? Was he actively and intentionally growing in his relationship with God, with clear evidence of life change?
• Do you have rejection issues?
• Have you lost part of you?

Related article: 6 Guys to Resist 

Take some time to introspect and re-discover the woman that you are. You may also decide to focus on self-development to become the woman you want to be. Read good books; go to counseling; take a course; join a prayer group; and the like. Get your free “Know Yourself” questionnaire here!

7) Enjoy your life.

Sometimes in relationships, we lose ourselves. In order to be with “Tyrone”, you might have stopped some hobbies or neglected key relationships that you once enjoyed. It’s time to revisit those former hobbies or add a few new ones. When “Tyrone” sees you again or hears about you, it should be evident that you’re having the time of your life!

8) Exercise.

One of friends told me that her counselor recommended exercise after her breakup. I understand why. Exercise can produce changes in your brain and increase your feel-good feelings. It is known to combat depression, stress and anxiety which are sometimes brought on by heartbreak.

Action Steps:

• Join the gym;
• Download an exercise app;
• Start walking briskly;
• Subscribe to a free YouTube exercise channel like “HasFit”.

Summary 

You didn’t enter the relationship with the intention of eventually ending it. Your desire was to be in a serious committed relationship heading toward marriage. Regardless of your best intention, breakups do happen.

Above, I’ve given you eight tips to help you to become better and not bitter after your breakup. Write a letter to him (but don’t give it to him); forgive him; prioritize your relationship with God; be around people who love you; pour yourself into the lives of others; learn from your mistakes; enjoy your life; and exercise regularly.

After Break-up Advice

There are some things that you should avoid after a breakup. They include:

• Don’t date someone immediately after a breakup. You need time to breathe, heal and learn.
• Don’t communicate for a period of time with “Tyrone”. More often than not, couples who continue to communicate regularly find themselves in an unhealthy cycle of on-again, off-again relationships. Give yourself at least a six-month communication break with “Tyrone” so you can see clearly and think soberly. If you find that after six-months, you need more time, then by all means, extend that time. It’s normal to miss him, but you need space. Do what is healthiest for you.

Related article: 6 Tips to End a Relationship Well

You can be a better version of yourself after a breakup so don’t lose hope. With time and proactive steps like I’ve mentioned above, you can thrive after a painful breakup. 

Now it’s time to hear from you. What wise advice have you received to help you deal well with a breakup? What advice would you give to another woman who is struggling in this area? Please comment below!

To subscribe, click here. You’ll receive weekly pointers to grow your relationships with God and others as I share more about my life with you. As a subscriber, you’ll also receive your free “Know Yourself” questionnaire. By knowing yourself better, you can fully embrace who you are. Also, feel free to introduce yourself when you receive your first email from me. I answer all my emails personally. Thanks for stopping by!:)

Made to love:)

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With love,

Kimberly 

Recommended Books:

“Love the Life You Live: 3 Secrets to Feeling Good- Deep Down in Your Soul” by Les Parrott and Neil Warren Clark

“Confessions of  Boy Crazy Girl: On Her Journey From Neediness to Freedom” by Paula Hendricks 

“How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

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