Is he not a true Christian?

You’ve been going out with “Frank”. He says that he’s a Christian, but as you get to know him better, many things are just not adding up.  

You honestly don’t know if you should proceed into a relationship with “Frank” or if you should end it now.  Your heart’s desire is to be with a man who is a true follower of Christ and not simply a man who says that he’s a Christian.

The world is filled with people who claim to be Christians but whose life shows very little evidence of a changed life.  There is a significant difference between a religious Christian versus someone who has truly had a life-changing encounter with Jesus Christ.  You want to marry the latter.  

It’s not sufficient for a man to be “good” … he has to be godly.  And that, ladies, can only happen when the Holy Spirit enters his heart if he sincerely invited Jesus to be his Savior and Lord of his life.  Only then, real life-change begins to happen.

So, before you get serious about “Frank”, you need to evaluate him carefully.  

Here are 6 glaring signs that he may not be a true Christian: 

1) He says he’ll get serious about Christ after you commit to him.

This is a clear sign that Jesus is not the Lord of his life.  No true Christian man will place a woman as a determining factor in his commitment to Christ.  

As such, he will not be in a position to lead you or a family spiritually.  He simply would not have the capacity to do so.

“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple. – Luke 14:26-27,33 NKJV

2) He goes to church only because of you.

Oftentimes, a non-Christian man starts going to church because of his pursuit of a woman.  While at church, he may have a life-changing encounter with Christ and become a true Christian.  

However, if that doesn’t happen and he keeps attending only because he likes you, you need to move on.

For all human beings, it is natural to desire community with persons who are like-minded and it is the same for true Christians. As such, a Christian becomes an active member of a Christian community to mature as a Christian. Otherwise, a person can shrivel up and lose his/her fire.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. – Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV

Warning:

Just because a person goes to church regularly, it still does not mean that he’s seriously following Jesus. Without evidence of becoming more and more like Christ, you cannot believe that he’s a true Christian.

Christian churches have “fakes” too, so don’t be fooled.

Read the parable of the tares and the wheat in Matthew 13:24-30.

3) He has no or little interest in God’s Word.

A true Christian will hold God’s Word in the highest regard.  In the Scriptures, he knows that his very life depends on the richness and wisdom of God’s Word.  

Clearly, there may be times when true Christians temporarily lose their desire to be in God’s Word.  However, they will still treasure it in their hearts and always return to it when they realize they have become spiritually starved.

Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’ ” – Matthew 4:4 NIV

A true Christian’s views and values will be constantly adjusted to line up with the truth of God’s Word.  If he thinks that the Word of God is irrelevant, run!

4) He thinks that your Christian values are archaic.

You don’t want to be in a situation where you have to constantly defend your Christian values.  

For instance, when you share your views about sexual intimacy being reserved for marriage (abstinence), he might initially agree and say he admires your convictions.  

However, you realize that he has no such belief of his own. In time, he tries to convince you that sexual indulgence prior to marriage is fine or he tries to seduce you to the point of giving in. Say “goodbye” to him!

A romantic relationship should not be a battlefield, although disagreements are to be expected.   Therefore, we must choose our battles carefully.  

I’m always amazed when I meet a true Christian from another part of the world and from another denomination, but we share the same convictions.  We may differ on “minors”, but we agree on the “majors” because we have the same Holy Spirit who brings alive the truth of God’s Word to bear on our lives.

5) He justifies his unChristlike actions.

We all make mistakes.  However, a true Christian will eventually confess and choose repentance (that is, making a 180-degree turn around).  

A religious Christian will try to justify it.  This type of man may have the “talk”, but lacks the “walk”.  Since he does not have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside him, he has no power to live holy (or even the desire).  He’s not a true Christian. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! – 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

If you even have to wonder if he’s a true Christian, then your suspicions might be right.  

Now, a person might be in a “back-slidden” position.  But people like that are quite aware of their fallen state and generally don’t try to justify their sin.  

If you think that he is in that state, leave him alone and commit him to Jesus.  At this point in his life, he needs Jesus and not a wife.  Don’t cause yourself unnecessary stress.  There’s only one Savior and it’s not you.

6) Obedience to God is not on his agenda.

A true Christian believes that obedience to God is the greatest evidence of love and devotion to Christ. 

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.” – John 14:21 NIV

If he’s waiting on a sign from God to walk in obedience, he’s either a religious Christian or a true Christian who is a babe in Christ.  If he’s a babe in Christ, then give him time to grow up before you commit your heart to him.  

You don’t know if he will keep on growing to maturity or become stunted in his growth.  Some Christians remain babes forever … that type you certainly don’t want to marry at all!  Leave him right there!

Summary 

You will know if a person is a true Christian by their lives – their choices, opinions, and actions.  Open your eyes and ask the Holy Spirit to show you if he is fake or not.  The six glaring signs are that he:

1. Says he will get serious about Christ after you commit to him;
2. Goes to church only because of you;
3. Has no or little interest in God’s Word;
4. Thinks that your values are archaic;
5. Justifies his wrong actions; and
6. Will obey God … whenever.
   

If you’re not able to discern for yourself, ask more spiritually-mature family and friends.  A relationship impacts us in significant ways and therefore, we cannot take it lightly.

What other signs shows that a guy is not a true Christian?  Comment below and share with us all. Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey From Neediness to Freedom” by Paula Hendricks & Dannah K. Gresh