Do you keep falling for the wrong guy?

From the moment that you saw “Cuthbert”, your heart began to race. “Who is this magical creature?” you thought. “Cuthbert” notices you too and you’re aware of the attraction magnet drawing you too together.

Shortly after, you realize that he’s just the type of man who is not right for you (read “6 Guys to Resist”). But after being single for quite a while, it feels so good to be the center of a man’s attention. Every time “Cuthbert” sees you, his face lights up as he greets you with a heart-melting smile. Clearly, you’re not invisible to him. He showers you with compliments and makes you feel like you’re the most desirable woman in the world.

But deep down in your heart, you know what you must do. Do you have the strength to do it? Can you prevent yourself from falling for the wrong guy?

I’ve “lost my head” a few times when I encountered “Cuthbert’s”.

Story #1: Falling for the wrong guy.

I was young and naive. I knew quite well what the Bible said about being romantically involved with unbelievers. But “Justin” was a hunk of a man. Furthermore, he was two years older than me and he was very popular. I remember that another school mate was interested in him as well, but he “choose” me. Previously, he told a mutual friend that I was pretty and my heart melted. Blush! 

On Valentines Day, he sent flowers and chocolates to my school. I was the envy of some of my classmates. I convinced myself that I would willing avail myself to God to bring him into a relationship with Christ through our growing attachment (very spiritual of me… lol). (The things we say to justify wrong!) I felt conflicted, but I still persisted in my disobedience. 

Then one day, I was listening to a Christian television show. During the question and answer segment, the question was asked, “should a Christian marry an unbeliever?.” Unlike me, the host did not mix matters. He gave an emphatic “no” as he shared from the Word. At this time, I could no longer deny that this romance had to end. I was playing with fire and I had to put it before I got burnt. Shortly after, a situation arose which gave me a good opportunity to end our budding romance. My obedience was a bit late, but thankfully, the “relationship” ended before it even began. 

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial ? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 

Beside unbelieving men and married men, there are other guys that we need to stay clear of. Check out the article “6 Guys to Resist.” As the saying goes, “prevention is better than the cure.”

Ladies, here are five tips to prevent you from falling for the wrong guy:

1) Do not flirt with the wrong guy.

It is tempting to flirt with a man who peaks your interest. But don’t do it! Flirting will give him the impression that you’re interested. The very act of flirting is deceptive if you have no intentions of being with him. Eventually, you will be opening yourself up to reciprocate his advances. All common sense will go through the window. 

2) Allow your parents and friends to have some input.

Regardless of your age, God has placed our parents into our lives to protect us. Most of them want good for us. Even if your parents have different religious beliefs, they still want the best for you. 

When my mother met “Cuthbert”, she made it clear that I should only be friends with him. My mother wasn’t a Christian at the time, but I believe that parents have insight that are elusive to love-struck children. 

If you have to hide a relationship from your parents or guardians, then you may need to reconsider that choice of a future husband. 

Another time, I had a crush on a guy so I told my friends (a married couple) about him. They both met him. Although the guy was a Christian, they both came to the same conclusion without discussing with each other. He was too much into himself. I later realized from interactions with him that he would have frustrated me constantly! I’m grateful for friends with discernment.

3) Choose to submit to the wisdom of God’s Word.

God’s Word, the Bible, is our road map for living. Whenever I read it, I marvel at God’s love and the depth of wisdom found in it. Besides helping us to navigate our relationship with God, it is also useful for helping us to deal with other human beings.

“Being unequally yoked with an unbeliever” is often a touchy subject. God is not trying to destroy your chances of marital success nor does he hate unbelievers. Actually, God wants the best for you and the best for “James”. Hence, becoming one with him is NOT wise.

You might have a decent marriage with an unbeliever, but you can never experience the level of oneness that can only be achieved between two growing committed transformed Christians. The church is filled with women (and men) living with regret that they scoffed at God’s guidance in this area. Don’t join that crowd. That club is already over-subscribed 🙂

4) Keep your “dream husband” before you.

Write down all the qualities you want in a husband. Separate them into “must-haves” and “bonuses”. As they say, “if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” That pertains to your spouse as well. You also need to know why a particular quality is important to you. I’ll share mine with you.

Here are 4 “must-have” qualities for my future husband (when I was single):

• A growing relationship with God- I didn’t want merely a religious man, but a man who has had a life-changing encounter with Jesus. Added to that, he needed to also be growing. Too many Christians remain babes in Christ, but I wanted a man who was intentionally growing. 
• Integrity- My friend wanted her husband to be “dripping with integrity.” God answered her prayer for such man. Likewise, I wanted a man who lived out his beliefs in God.
• A good sense of humor- I love to laugh, so I needed a husband who could make me laugh. Otherwise, I would have been bored to death. 
• A man who has accountability with other men. Let’s face it. Men are greatly influenced by their peers. If he has foolish peers giving foolish advice, chances are he’ll be foolish too and you’ll bear the brunt of it..

Ensure that your “must-have” qualities are reasonable and don’t compromise because you’re getting desperate. It’s better to be happily single than being married and utterly miserable. Falling for the wrong guy will be a thing of the past if you know what you want.

I’m glad to report that my husband has all those key qualities. Yay!

5) Cut off all communication with the wrong guy.

This is radical I confess but you’re talking about your heart and future here. As the saying goes, “drastic times call for drastic measures.” The minute you decide to continue to talk with “Cuthbert”, it’ll only be a matter of time before you begin to bury your convictions and replace them with some slight modifications that would support your actions. 

You’ll begin to say:

• “God didn’t really say …”
• “He’s really a good guy.”
• “He’s better than those men in church who are just some hypocrites.”
• “He just needs a woman like me to help him to come to Christ.”
• “Perhaps this is God’s will to use me to change him.”
• “He may not believe in Jesus, but he respects my beliefs.”

Don’t follow the footsteps of Eve when she was deceived after the enemy told her, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1). We know how that story turned out:(

If possible, cut off all ties with “Cuthbert”. If he’s your co-worker, you still can implement boundaries to protect your heart. Without a doubt, God will not leave you without any escape from your temptation. If you cannot figure out what to do, pray about it and ask Spirit-filled friends for advice on what you can do to put some distance between you and “Cuthbert”.

Story #2: When I avoided falling for the wrong guy.

I joined an internet chat site and of course, I uploaded the prettiest photo of me that I could find. I said, “you never know who you might meet.” I started getting several messages from men. Most of them didn’t interest me. 

Then I met “Ronald”. Although he was Christian, I wasn’t enthused about his marital status. My few conversations with him were very enjoyable, but I knew that if I continued to chat with him, my convictions would go through the window. By that time, I held stronger biblical convictions, so I ended it soon after I learnt of his marital status. 

Related articles:

6 Guys to Resist

5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands

So God Said That I’ll Be Your Wife? Oh really?…5 Tests to Know If He’s the One

Summary 

Taking tough measures is not a walk in the park. However, it will save you a lifetime of regret. Trust in God’s wisdom and you will live to experience His incredible blessings, whether you remain single or get married. Remember that the ultimate goal in this life is not to get married, but to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30) This, my friends, can be accomplished with or without a spouse.

In order to prevent you from falling for the wrong guy, do not flirt with him; allow your parents and mature friends to have some input; submit to the wisdom of God’s Word; keep your “dream husband” before you (the must-haves); and cut off all communication (if possible). Protect your heart at all costs!

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 

If you’d like to talk more about this, subscribe and you can email me directly.  When you become a subscriber, you’ll receive weekly email tips related to growing in all your relationships including your relationship with God. I’ve mentored and coached over one hundred single women through the years. Therefore, hearing from you will be welcomed. You’ll also receive your free “Know Yourself” questionnaire in your Inbox. Thanks for stopping by!

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With love,

Kimberly 

Recommended Books:

“Finding Your Million Dollar Mate” by Randy Pope

“Overcoming Relationship Regret” by Dick Purnell

“Becoming a Friend & Lover: Building a Quality Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime” by Dick Purnell

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