Are you shy around men? If you say “yes” to the following four questions, then this article might help you to overcome your shyness.

1. When you’re around an attractive guy, do you tend to become tense?
2. Do you get tongue-tied and unable to have a decent conversation? 
3. Is your behavior cold and unemotional around him? 
4. Do you stay far from him as possible because you’re afraid of behaving awkwardly or worse, being rejected?

If you’re like me, you can talk to any guy except someone who you deem to be attractive. With guys in whom I had no interest, it was easy for me to approach them and make a new friend. 

On the other hand, if a “drop-dead gorgeous” guy entered the room, I wouldn’t even approach him unless it was a part of my job. I would tense up and my shyness adversely affected my ability to converse. If he showed any interest in me, I was unable to reciprocate. A guy could have easily thought that I was haughty or ‘stuck up’ by my unfriendliness toward him, but it was simply my own insecurities preventing me from being myself.

Several years ago, I said to myself, “this must stop!” Subsequently, I made a few significant changes which helped me to have enjoyable friendships with single attractive Christian men. I married one of them! Yay!

Here are 8 tips to overcome your shyness with an attractive guy:

1) Be motivated by friendship.

As a Christian, you’re called to be a blessing to your fellow brothers, including single attractive Christian men. They too need single female friends. A man doesn’t want to be considered only as a potential spouse since he has other purposes and key roles in life. We need to remember that the main aim for living is not marriage, but to glorify Christ. If you’re focus is only finding a husband, you’ll miss out on meaningful friendships with single Christian men. 

Some ways in which it can be a win-win friendship:

• Lifting each other in prayer;
• Giving each other encouragement to live for Jesus;
• Respectfully engaging in meaningful conversations that can provide you both with other perspectives;
• Supporting each other as you both try to reach your goals;
• Giving him an opportunity to fix your car and provide free labor when you’re relocating:); and 
• Serving together in ministering God’s love to others;

If you keep a kingdom-perspective in the forefront of your mind, then you can befriend an attractive single Christian man. 

2) Make him aware of your presence.

An important step to overcome your shyness is to get over your fear of being near him. Although you might want to stay in your ‘own corner’, you must face that fear and venture closer. If he doesn’t even notice you, no friendship will likely to happen.

I witnessed the subtle charms of a beautiful young lady recently. She was sitting on one side of the room. By the time “intermission” ended, she was sitting two chairs away from the guy she wanted to meet. About two hours later, they were chatting like long-time friends. From their interactions, one can deduce that they were definitely attracted to each other. To date, no relationship has started, but they have become friends. 

3) Make eye contact.

I know that this may feel weird, but you need to look at him… in his eyes. Even if he’s at the other end of the room. When you make eye contact with someone, it says, “you’re not invisible to me.” We all want to know that our presence matters to someone else. Also, when you actually start speaking with him, look straight into his eyes. He will know that you’re listening and that his opinions are valuable to you.

4) Learn to smile. 

A smile disarms people. It invites conversation and breaks down barriers. This is not limited to men, but to other persons you may encounter as you go through life. A genuine smile lights up an entire face. Have you ever noticed how a person looks more beautiful when they smile? 

In the past, if you saw me, I had a ‘beast’ face when I was among strangers. On the other hand, with friends and relatives, I was the epitome of joy. What changed this? 

One day, I was in the supermarket and I passed a pretty young lady in the aisle. She wore a pleasant subtle smile on her face and even I felt like smiling too. From that day, I decided that I will be like that…even to strangers. It was difficult at first, but I trained my face to have a pleasant smile to everyone I would meet. 

That little tweak in my outward behavior changed my interactions with strangers. I would be at the doctor’s office and an elderly lady would smile at me. More men began to feel comfortable around me and approached me. I’m sorry that I didn’t learn the art of smiling sooner!

5) Be sincerely interested in him as a person and make conversation. 

If you want to be friends with him and get to know him as a person, you need to engage in meaningful conversations. To do this, it’s important that you develop the art of open-ended questions. You need to limit your use of closed questions with ‘yes’ and ‘no’ responses and those which produce short answers. Although they are good conversation starters, in order to have good rapport and to build a friendship, you need to ask questions that would give longer responses. 

Learn to listen well and ask related follow-up questions. You want him to feel that you’re genuinely interested in him. When you get him talking about himself, he may leave thinking that you’re the most interesting person that he met at the event although he probably did most of the talking! We all like the sound of our own voices and have a need to be seen and heard. Also, try to remember his name! People love to hear the sound of their names.

Examples:

Closed questions with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ responses:

• Do you attended this meeting regularly?
• Do you enjoy basketball?
• Have you read the book “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”?

Closed questions with short-answers:

• How are you?
• What’s your favorite sport?
• Who do you think will win the NBA finals?
• What’s your all-time favorite book?

Open-ended questions:

• How did you come to Christ and what has your faith journey been like since then?
• What are your thoughts on Forex trading?
• If you had all the money in the world, how would you spend your time?
• Who has impacted you the most and why?
• If you had only one more year to live, how would you spend it?
• How has the conference impacted you so far?

Additionally, it’s always an advantage to grow your own mind through ongoing learning and to live an interesting life. You don’t want to come across as a bore or ignorant. Ultimately, you’re aiming for intellectually stimulating conversations. 

6) Express a compliment.

Every man craves for admiration and respect. As such, he will appreciate a sincere compliment, especially by a confident woman who knows her value. Sometimes, we women, want to hold back from complimenting men because we think it’ll give them over-inflated egos. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you want a man to value your friendship and furthermore, become irreplaceable to him, you need to learn to show your admiration of him through your words. A wise woman should quickly learn this love language of men and practice it on her father, brother(s) and male friends. This is a skill to master!

Suggestions:

• “I like the way your tie matches your shirt.”
• “You made a profound statement when you responded to….”
• “I appreciated when you opened the door for me.”
• “I can see that you’re a man who values quality.”
• “When you did … in the workshop, it showed that you’re a creative genius.”
• “Thank you for opening the door for me. It shows that you’re a gentleman.”

7) Focus on him and not on yourself.

God allows us the opportunity to connect with people so that we can be a blessing to them. You don’t know if you will ever see him again, so make that moment a life-changing experience for him. When he moves away from talking with you, he should be having thoughts like, “I really enjoyed that conversation”, “That was an interesting young lady”, or “Her compliment was really sweet”. 

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Your focus should be:

• How could he be a better man because of his encounter with me? 
• In what way can I encourage him? 
• What can I humbly share with him that would benefit him?
• How can I bring joy and laughter into his life?

If we take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on others, we will be less preoccupied with our own insecurities which tend to cripple us. But don’t overthink this. We gravitate toward people because we enjoy their company. So relax, be yourself, focus on him and enjoy yourself!

8) Practice, Practice, Practice!

“Do the thing you hate the most and the death of it shall surely come.” – Dr. Ron Jensen 

Being shy is learned behavior so you need to retrain yourself by coming out of your comfort zone. Even introverts can become good conversationalists. I’m well-acquainted with several of them. So don’t hide behind your personality type. 

If you don’t have many opportunities in your current situation, you may need to venture into new social circles like joining a sports club or a Bible study group in another church. You can only practice if you have persons to practice with!

If you actively take advantage of opportunities for growth in this area, you’ll see your fear of failure and rejection begin to dissipate, slowly but surely. As a result, you’ll become more confident in your interactions with single men. Enjoy the moment and resist over-thinking about whether he likes you and what the future may hold.

Action steps:

• Align your motivation to be kingdom-minded. There’ll be no marriage in Heaven so you can’t lose by beginning healthy friendships here on earth.
• Face your fears about being in close proximity to him. Simply inch your way closer to him. He will not bite.
• When you spot him across the room, acknowledge his presence by looking a few seconds at him. 
• Look into his eyes when you’re speaking with him.
• Plan a list of conversation starters and commit a few to memory. Hopefully, when you’re nervous, you can recall some of them.
• Make small talk with persons in safe environments. You need to practice to talk with as many people as possible.
• Practice smiling. If a mirror helps, then use it. I actually smile at myself every day:)
• When next you’re in the company of an attractive guy, start to make conversation. Start with small talk and then graduate to more open-ended questions until the conversation begins to flow naturally. 
• Replace the preoccupation with yourself and focus on being a blessing to him. Relax and enjoy each other’s company.
• Begin to actively compliment and show admiration for the men already in your life.
• Practice the art of asking good questions with the people around you. 

Summary

Life is too short to be imprisoned by fear. Instead, you can embrace awesome life-long friendships with people, including attractive single men by taking some action to grow in this area. If I can do it, you can too. Furthermore, if you have a desire to marry one of these men, he needs an opportunity to experience the real you – your personality, your humor, your views, and the like. Would you challenge yourself to take the necessary steps to become a more confident version of you? I’m rooting for you! 

You can overcome your shyness by seeking to be friends; knowing and appreciating your worth; making him aware of your presence; making eye contact; learning to smile more; making conversations and being sincerely interested in him; giving compliments, focusing on him and not being preoccupied about your insecurities; and of course, practice until you defeat your fear. Lastly, pray about it. Express to the Lord that you desire to grow in this area.

What advice do you have for shy women? Is it an area of weakness for you? Please comment below. I also invite you to subscribe and receive your free “Know Yourself” questionnaire. I write weekly to my subscribers giving advice on relationships with God and others through my own personal experiences. When you receive my ‘welcome’ email, please reply and introduce yourself. I’d love that! I personally respond to all my emails. Thanks for dropping by!

Like, Share and Subscribe!

With love, 

Kimberly 

Related Articles:

5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single

6 Blind Spots Keeping Love Away

Recommended Books:

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”