The early warning sign …

However, there were warning signs from the very beginning. Their first unsettling heart-wrenching “upset” actually marked the start of their official relationship. It wasn’t even an argument. He was in a “low” mood that evening and he was expressing doubts about himself and being with her. She really liked him so she wasn’t about to give up on him … her first serious potential boyfriend. She tried her best to encourage him and they ended the evening with a commitment to being together.

That was simply the beginning of a dizzy emotional rollercoaster ride for the next several years. Family stress and work stress affected their relationship in no small way! Whenever he was stressed, he got depressed and he told Jenny that she was not the one for him. Whenever he was in a good mood, things went well.

“Rufus”was a decent Christian guy with huge holes in his soul. Their relationship was no shouting match. Slowly but surely, his gentle but negative words became the norm. She didn’t even realise what was happening until she began to share with her roommate a few things that “Rufus” would say to her. Her roommate would often exclaim, “He said that?!?!!” Her roommate couldn’t believe it!  “Jenny” had gotten so used to his negativity that she didn’t think his words were bad or damaging. After all, if he was depressed, she would try her best to be an understanding girlfriend to the detriment of her own emotional well-being. That’s how subtle mental and emotional abuse can be!

Eventually, they broke up. “Jenny” was heart-broken, disappointed and ashamed.

How could she have been so naive?!?! 

I was like “Jenny”. I could identify well with the illustration of the frog in the water where the temperature of the water gets increasingly hot, resulting in the frog being cooked to death! I was that frog until God lifted me out of the hot water! I did have some “burn marks” on my heart after we broke up, but God has graciously healed me.

A committed long-term relationship affects you, even if you never have sex with the person before marriage. 

• It can potentially damage key friendships.
• It will affect your self-esteem.
• It will affect your views about men.
• It will affect your trust in men (and the man you may eventually marry).
• It will affect your views about in-laws.

Before you fall in love, you need to do your homework on him.

Before you fall in love, here are 7 things to check:

1) Find out about his family history.

Are his parents married? If “yes”, what kind of relationship do they have?

Are his parents divorced? If “yes”, how did it affect him? Did he ever go for counselling? How old was he? How did he deal with it? What are his thoughts about divorce? What is his relationship with his mother? What is the relationship with his father? Does he blame himself for the divorce?

Was he adopted? If “yes”, how does he feel about that?

Was there abuse in his parents’ relationship?

Was he ever abused by one or both of his parents? If “yes”, what kind of help has he gotten to get healing?

2) Is he emotionally stable?

Marriage lends itself to stress (good stress and bad stress). First of all, you have to learn to live with someone who you’ve never lived with before. Also, you have to adjust from being a single woman to being a married woman. Depending on how long you’ve been single for, your adjustment to being married can be quite shaky! Then, you have to get used to having in-laws and all that entails.

Next, if and when children come, that’s quite another lever of “stress”. If you’re a virgin, having sex requires an adjustment as well. Next up, we have financial adjustment. How are you going to manage your finances as a couple? Then, we have to talk about your spiritual development? Are you going to have family prayer times? Getting married is a WHOLE life change! Then, there are the unexpected surprises like job loss, infertility, miscarriages, illness, accidents, in-law problems, and the like.

If the man you like is growing up emotionally as an adult man, he can probably be able to handle the adjustments that come with marriage. However, he’s not emotionally stable and is not willing to mature in this ride, you and him are in for a very turbulent ride!

Here are some observations for you to make about him:

• How does he deal with conflict?
• How does he deal with stressful situations?
• How does he talk about his job?

3) Find out his romantic relationship history.

If you were to find a healthy godly man with no relationship history, count it a blessing. Undoubtedly, men like that are few in number, especially if they are older. You need to know about all his serious relationships. Every serious romantic relationship he has had will certainly affect your relationship with him, whether you believe it or not.

4) Find out what your sober-minded spiritually-grounded family & friends think.

Too often, singles wait until they are in love before they allow the sober input of loving family and friends. You talk for long hours; go In particular, allow your father (or father figure) the privilege of protecting you by giving his blessing on your relationship before you go all in. Whether your father is a Christian or not, God can use him to guard your heart. Let him be accountable to another man in your life … your father, uncle, brother, friend, pastor! Men have better censors in evaluating other men than your female friends who are just elated that you’re in a relationship! lol

If you have no one to give you feedback, maybe you need to build that wall of protection first, before you consider being in a romantic relationship. Here’s what you need to know:

• How many women were involved with him? 
• How many of these relationships were of a sexual nature? 
• Why did each relationship end?

Listen carefully to the reasons he gives. Please note that if he places the blame of the demise of the relationships solely and squarely on all the women, he might be the problem! He’s not a saint. If he kept on choosing no good women, then something is certainly wrong with his discernment, to say the least.

Many poor relationship choices could be avoided if only we would allow our parents/guardians/more spiritually mature couple the opportunity to give us good feedback. What you cannot see, others can see because they are not blinded by love.

Here are a few questions for you:

• Do you have anyone who can give you sound biblical advice?
• Do you have a father/father figure who can give you feedback about the man you like before you go all in?

PLEASE DO NOT DATE A MAN IN ISOLATION!!!

5) Find out about his reputation.

He might be already in your circles or he might be new to you. Unless you met him online, you would most likely have a few mutual friends. As such, you need to ask questions about him. You need to discern his character. 

Here are some questions to consider:

• Does he keep his word?
• How does he treat the other single woman in your circle? Is he the church flirt or playboy?
• How does he handle authority? How does he behave when he disagrees with authority?
• Does he bounce from church to church?
• Does he have a good reputation among his bosses, his co-workers, his direct reports or his employees?
• What kind of experiences do others have with him?
• Does he repay what he owes?

6) Is he going too fast for comfort?

Be careful when a man expresses passionate love for you and he hardly knows you. Don’t rush the process. It generally takes time to discern a person’s character. Now, for older singles, you might choose to marry sooner than later, but please ensure that you have credible people in your life who can attest to his godly character.

7) Don’t confuse biblical knowledge or Christian service or spiritual gifts with maturity.

A man could be very knowledgeable about the Bible and still not be transformed by the Word of God. You can meet a gospel singer, a missionary or a pastor and think that he must be a follower of Jesus and then, he turns out to be a man who is ruled by lust, money or power. He can speak in tongues for the entire day and still not be submitted to Christ! 

Ladies, you need to observe if his walk lines up with his talk.

Here are some observations to make:

• Is he boastful about his knowledge or gifts or his looks?
• Does he think that he’s better than other Christians?
• Does he encourage you to compromise sexually and make light of it?
• Have you found him lying, cheating or stealing?
• Does he cover up his sins?
• Is he disrespectful to women?
• Does he willingly admit his weaknesses/shortcomings?

Ladies, you want to be with a man who is submitted to the Lordship of Christ; a man who is humble and teachable; and a man who is vulnerable.

Summary

Every relationship has its ups and downs but you need to know that some issues are very damaging. As I usually say, he may need a counsellor and a discipler and not a girlfriend or wife at this time.

Another thing is that you need to become the healthiest version of yourself, as much as you can, BEFORE marriage.

A healthier “you” will help you to:

• Better discern a man’s character
• Repel creeps
• Attract a good man
• Encourage a man to adore and respect you

​If you keep on attracting “losers”, you probably need to work on some issues in your own life.

What kind of men do you tend to attract? Do you have people who will look out for you?

​

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Proverbs 12:15

To recap,

Before you fall in love, here are 7 things to check:

• Find out about his family history.
• Is he emotionally stable?
• Find out his romantic relationship history.
• Find out what your sober-minded spiritually-grounded family & friends think.
• Find out about his reputation.
• Is he going too fast for comfort?
• Don’t confuse biblical knowledge or Christian service or spiritual gifts with maturity.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

Should You Consider Marrying an Unbeliever?

How to Stay Out of the “Friend Zone”

Recommended Books:

“Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance” by Dr. Don Raunikar

“Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye” by Carolyn McCulley

“Let Me Be a Woman: Notes to My Daughter on the Meaning of Womanhood” by Elisabeth Elliot

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post Before You Fall in Love: 7 Things to Check appeared first on Petals Bloom.

I’ve shared some of these points before, but repetition is powerful! Whether you are totally single, currently talking to someone, or navigating a courtship, you need a solid foundation before you take that next step. As an older sister in Christ, my heart is to pass down the good advice that was given to me so you can honor God in your relationships.

Here are 7 Essential things every Single Woman should know before Dating.

1) Get a Sober View of Marriage.

Before you get into a relationship, spend time around married couples—other than your parents. Some of us didn’t grow up seeing a healthy marriage, and if you are wandering in a desert when it comes to relationship role models, you won’t know what to expect.

Pray that God will bring married couples into your life who will let you into their space. You need to see what a real marriage looks like. It isn’t picture-perfect, but observing a healthy, godly marriage gives you a sober view of what to trust God for and what to work toward yourself.

2) Relax in Your Singleness While Preparing.

If you aren’t ready for marriage, relax and enjoy being a single woman! When I talk about readiness, I don’t mean having a finished degree or hitting an arbitrary milestone. I mean being in a position where, if you met the right person this year, you would actually be available and capable of getting married.

If you have major roadblocks preventing you from marrying right now, don’t rush the process. Just relax, practically prepare yourself for the future, and enjoy building healthy friendships.

3) Remember: You Are Still Single.

Until you say “I do,” you are still a single woman. If you enter a relationship and realize it isn’t the best fit, you can end it. I know from my own past how easy it is to fall into bondage over a relationship. Out of pride, I wanted my very first boyfriend to be my husband, and I stayed in an unhealthy situation much longer than I should have. Don’t put restrictions on yourself that God didn’t put on you! It is much easier to get out of a dating relationship than it is to get out of a marriage. You do not have to stay just to “make it work.”

A Quick Note on Commitment: While you are technically single until marriage, character matters. If you are in a committed relationship or engaged, you must honor that commitment. Entertaining other men while committed is insincere and shows poor character. If you want to explore another connection, you need to end your current relationship first.

4) Look Beyond the Mask.

Don’t expect a man to be perfect, but do make sure you see him in a variety of situations. A man might wear a mask when it’s just the two of you because he’s trying to impress you. To know if he is truly the one, observe how he behaves around:

• Strangers and service workers
• Your relatives and his relatives
• His friends and colleagues
• Other attractive women
• People who are poorer or less educated than him
• His boss (Does he compromise his Christian values just to fit in?)

Seeing him in different environments gives you a true picture of the man he really is.

5) Don’t Date in Isolation.

From the very beginning—even when you just like each other—allow others to have input. Tap into the collective wisdom of spiritually mature people and married couples.

Bring him around your friends and family and ask for their honest opinions. When you are infatuated, you might be completely blind to the fact that he has a bad temper, lacks ambition, or simply isn’t a good fit for you. Do not adopt the mindset of “It’s my life and my business.” Involve wise counsel early on.

6) Seek Advice from the Right People.

It always surprises me when single women go to other single women for relationship advice! While your single friends can offer support, true wisdom comes from those who have successfully walked the path you want to take.

If you wanted to get healthy, you wouldn’t ask for advice from someone whose health is entirely out of control. The same goes for dating. Seek out married women whose marriages you admire. Pray about it, and God will lead you to people who can offer sound, tested counsel.

7) Establish Your Boundaries Early.

You must establish your boundaries before you enter a relationship. This is especially true regarding sexual purity and physical intimacy.

Decide right now what you will and will not do. Decide that you won’t share a bedroom or be alone in an apartment together. If you wait until you are in the heat of the moment to figure out your boundaries, it will be too late. The body takes over, and your convictions will be tested beyond your strength. Make your boundaries clear to yourself and to him from day one.

Summary

In the book of Titus, older women are called to teach the younger women to live reverent, self-controlled lives so that the word of God may not be reviled. As your “big sister,” I have a responsibility to share this wisdom with you.

The choices you make don’t just affect you; they determine how people view Christianity and they influence the younger generation watching you. Let’s grow together, set healthy standards, and honor God in our relationships!

To recap,

Here are 7 Essential things every Single Woman should know before Dating.

1. Get a Sober View of Marriage.
2. Relax in Your Singleness While Preparing.
3. Remember: You Are Still Single.
4. Look Beyond the Mask.
5. Don’t Date in Isolation.
6. Seek Advice from the Right People.
7. Establish Your Boundaries Early.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Sure Tips to Prevent You From Falling for the Wrong Guy

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

7 Practices to Stop Now Before Marriage

Recommended Books:

Get Lost: Your Guide to Finding True Love” by Dannah Gresh

“Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman” by Anne Ortlund

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post 7 Things to Know Before You Enter a Relationship appeared first on Petals Bloom.

One of the most common questions I get asked—submitted by a wonderful viewer named Crystal—is a big one: Can a woman make the first move?

When you’re trying to figure out the difference between a good (but imperfect) man of God and a man with genuine red flags, navigating the early stages of dating can feel confusing. Do you wait around? Do you step up and make something happen?

The answer really depends on how you define “the first move.” Let’s break down what is healthy, what is biblical, and where we need to let the men in our lives take the lead.

Defining “The First Move”

First things first: we need to treat guys as human beings deserving of kindness, respect, and dignity. Remember that all men are made in the image and likeness of God. Whether he is your type or not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with treating a man you are interested in like a normal human being—just as you would a brother or a friend.

Here are 4 Helpful Tips as You Meet Men:

1) Be Friendly and Approachable.

If by “first move” you mean being approachable and opening the door for conversation, the answer is a resounding yes! Here are a few ways to show interest without overstepping:

• Smile: I am big on smiling! It is the number one attraction factor for a woman. It is totally winsome and far more effective than your hair or makeup.
• Say Hi: Simply being friendly and starting a conversation is a great way to show you are open to connection.

Give a Neutral Compliment: Notice something nice about him, like a great shirt or a fresh haircut. A simple, “Gosh, that shirt really looks good on you” is perfect. It is a kind, safe compliment that leaves the ball in his court. (Save the compliments about his “chiseled abs” for later—that is a bit too flirtatious for day one!)

When I was single, I noticed that the guys I was just easy, cool, and free around were the ones who became genuinely interested in me. When I was timid or shy, they likely thought I was aloof or arrogant. So, just be your best, friendly self!

2) You Should Let Him Lead.

If by “first move” you mean asking him out on a date, asking him to be in a committed relationship, or asking him to marry you—my answer is no.

I am a bit old-school, but sometimes old-school principles are exactly what we need to build marriages that actually work in today’s world.

There is a deeper principle behind wanting a man to initiate the relationship. Here are three reasons why you should leave the pursuing to him:

• It follows the biblical model: Jesus loved us first. He pursued us. If Christ is the model of godly, manly leadership, then a man of God needs to be empowered by the Holy Spirit to get the courage to pursue the woman he is interested in.
• It sets the foundation for marriage: From the early stages of a relationship, you are laying the foundation for your future family. Give him the space to practice leading now.
• You will be more secure in his love. When marriages face trials (and they will), you want the deep security of knowing your husband actively chose you. 

It builds respect for him: When a man has the courage to overcome his fears and rejection issues to pursue you, it naturally builds your admiration and respect for him.

3) Trust the Process.

Do not rush a man or give him ultimatums. If he is an adult man ready for commitment, he will get the courage to pursue. Give the man the freedom to appreciate you, and to want to win your heart. Suppose he’s shy you might ask? Trust me: even the shyest man on earth will find the courage to speak up if he truly doesn’t want to lose a woman to someone else.

If a man is moving in slow motion, he might not be ready; he might not be sure about you; or he might be healing from past trauma. Leave it in God’s hands and trust God’s wisdom and timing. We can learn from Sarah and Abraham in the Bible. They should have waited on God for their first child instead of taking matters into their own hands!

4) Navigating Dating Apps.

How can these rules apply to Christian dating apps? The same principles apply!

Dating apps are just a tool, much like a singles event. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you making the initial connection:

• Sending a “Hi, how are you?”
• Liking a picture.
• Commenting on a shared hobby.

Summary

However, once the ice is broken, let him be the one to ask you on a physical date. Let him express his growing desire to get to know you. And please, use wisdom! Do not rush into deep emotional conversations too quickly with someone who is relatively a stranger.

Should a woman make the first move? If you’re referring to initiating a conversation, that’s absolutely fine. He’s simply another human being. When it comes to pursuing a romantic relationship with a man, leave it up to the man.

To recap,

Here are 4 Helpful Tips as You Meet Men:

1. Be Friendly and Approachable.
2. You Should Let Him Lead.
3. Trust the Process.
4. Navigating Dating Apps.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating

6 Telltale Signs Online Dating is NOT For You

5 Tips To Make Yourself Look Great Online

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“The New Eve: Choosing God’s Best for Your Life” by Shaunti Feldhahn, Robert Lewis & Jeremy Royal Howard

“Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman” by Anne Ortlund

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post Should a Woman Make the First Move? appeared first on Petals Bloom.

I was single for a long time and married later in life. During those years, I discipled over 100 women, lived with 16 different roommates, and traveled the world. While being single allows for incredible growth, it also provides a lot of time to get “set in your ways.”

The truth is, the longer you stay single, the easier it is to develop traits that can unintentionally sabotage a future marriage. I learned some of these the hard way! If you want to attract a godly man and build a thriving, Christ-centered marriage, here are four habits you need to start addressing today.

Here are 4 Habits You Need to Break Before Getting Married:

1) Avoid Being Controlling.

When you’ve run your own life, managed your own finances, and curated your own space for years, you become an expert at “doing you.” You have systems that work!

But when a man enters the picture, he isn’t a project to be managed—he is his own person with his own ideas. For a marriage to thrive, you have to make room for his wisdom and his way of doing things.

• The Shift: Instead of demanding he adapt to your “perfect” efficiency, be willing to adopt his influence.
• The Benefit: Just like a new hire brings fresh life to an organization, a husband brings new perspectives that can take your life to a level you couldn’t reach alone.

2) Ditch the “Neat Freak” Perfectionism.

Most men appreciate an orderly home, but living in a “museum” can make a husband feel like he’s in a straight jacket. I had a blind spot here myself until a cousin told me I was exhausting to be around because I was always “cleaning up” after guests while they were still there!

If you spend all your energy on a squeaky-clean house, you might find you have:

• No energy left for intimacy.
• No mental space to actually listen to your husband.
• A “harassed” attitude instead of a joyful one.

Priority Check: Most men would prefer a sumptuous meal and a calm, happy wife over a perfectly dusted house.

3) Don’t Be Selfish with Your Space.

When you’re single, your bed is yours, your remote is yours, and your routine is yours. But according to Matthew 19:5-6, the two become one flesh.

” … and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:5-6 ESV

This oneness extends to your belongings and your finances. In a Christ-centered marriage, “my money” and “your money” eventually becomes our resources for God’s glory.

“Selfishness is the greatest enemy of marriage.” I heard this quote at a marriage conference and it has stuck with me.

Start practicing generosity now. Whether it’s sharing your time or your space, start breaking the habit of “mine.”

4) Fight Inflexibility.

A healthy marriage requires constant adaptation. Unless your husband is asking you to sin, you should be open to change for the good of the relationship.

Marriage requires flexibility in:

• Meeting needs: Learning to prioritize his wants alongside yours.
• Embracing change: Realizing the man you marry will be different in 10 years (and so will you!).
• Adjusting expectations: Letting go of the “fairytale” diet fed to us by entertainment and embracing the beautiful, sometimes messy, reality of a God-ordained covenant.

Action Steps: How to Prepare Now

If you feel yourself becoming a bit too rigid, here are three ways to practice flexibility while you’re still single:

1. Get a Roommate: Living with someone who isn’t family is the best “marriage prep.” It forces you to navigate different personalities and compromise on living standards.
2. Practice “People over Projects”: When guests are over, resist the urge to wash the dishes immediately. Sit down, leave the mess, and value the conversation.
3. Show Hospitality: Open your home. Invite friends and family over. Practice being a blessing to others in your personal space.

Summary

Singleness is a gift, and it is a season to be cherished. But if you desire marriage, don’t let your independence turn into a wall that no one can climb over. Stay humble, stay flexible, and keep your heart centered on the Word of God.

Want more tips on becoming a woman of Godly influence? [Download my free “Irresistible Godly Woman Checklist” here!] (Link to your freebie)

To recap,

Here are 4 Habits to Break Before You Say “I Do”:

1. Avoid Being Controlling.
2. Ditch the “Neat Freak” Perfectionism.
3. Don’t Be Selfish with Your Space.
4. Fight Inflexibility.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

4 Essential Tips While You Wait to be Married

Recommended Books:

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You And Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Changes that Heal: Four Practical Steps to. Happier Healthier You by Henry Cloud

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post 4 Habits You Need to Break Before Getting Married appeared first on Petals Bloom.

While postponing activities like social media; cutting out sugar; taking a break from movies, etc. are noble acts, they can be thought more of being acts of consecration to accompany biblical fasting.

In Matthew 4, our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, went on a 40-day fast by the leading of the Holy Spirit. Later on in Matthew 6, Jesus gave us instructions on how to do proper biblical fast privately. It was a matter of when you fast, not if you fast.

The reason for fasting varies. We see in scriptures that:

• Esther called a corporate fast in hopes of receiving favour from the king on behalf of her people. Neither were they to eat nor to drink for three days.

• Then, in Jonah 3:5-9, the king called for a public fast where even the animals were not permitted to eat or drink as an act of repentance and asking for God’s mercy upon them.

• Fasting can be done also to receive breakthroughs in stubborn areas in your life. Matthew 17: 21 clearly says that certain obstacles/kind won’t be moved except by prayer and fasting. 

Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, “Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish.”Mordecai then went away and did everything as Esther had ordered him. – Esther 4:15-17 (ESV)

And the people of Nineveh believed God. They called for a fast and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them to the least of them. The word reached the king of Nineveh, and he arose from his throne, removed his robe, covered himself with sackcloth, and sat in ashes. And he issued a proclamation and published through Nineveh, “By the decree of the king and his nobles: Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste anything. Let them not feed or drink water, but let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and let them call out mightily to God. Let everyone turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands. Who knows? God may turn and relent and turn from his fierce anger, so that we may not perish.” – Jonah 3:5-9 (ESV)

“Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.” – Matthew 17:21 (KJV)

Perhaps the reason you may be considering a fast is to receive a breakthrough to get married; to improve your finances; to strengthen your walk with God; or to fast on someone else’s behalf. Regardless of the reason, these tips can surely help.

Here are 4 Tips to Doing a Proper Biblical Fast:

1) Pray to God for the strength to endure.

Listen carefully. Fasting is NOT for the weak. Your flesh will indeed cry out for food because it is used to eating. You may even experience a great deal of discomfort. Don’t worry though. Your flesh is simply dying and coming into subjection to the Word of God. Your flesh will become weak, but your spirit-(wo)man will become strong in the Lord. Therefore, it is important to pray and ask God that while you participate in this act of obedience, He gives you the strength and sustenance to finish well. You can surely do a proper biblical fast!

While fasting, you may experience:

• Headaches/dizziness
• Bad breath
• Fatigue
• Irritability
• Body odours

In addition to the multitude of spiritual benefits to fasting, scientists also encourage fasting a few days of the week to aid your body with natural resetting procedures that cannot take place while actively eating.

2) Solidify your reason(s).

I went on several fasts while I was single. It was a tool I utilized to assist me in the preparation for my husband to whom I am now married.  I would clearly fast for this reason to ensure I was as ready as possible. I solidified my relationship with God first, then worked on myself. Then, I began to pray for my future husband without even knowing or meeting him.

So, it is very important to know the reasons you are fasting in the first place. Consider your motives and present your requests to the Lord. 

3) Determine the length of the fast.

While you pray, ask God for how long you should fast. I’ll put some suggestions below, but for now, knowing how long you will go without food is crucial. That’s why you must be inclined to the voice of God. Some people can go for a longer time while others cannot. Needless to say that you should not compete nor compare yourself to others. Rather, hear the specific instructions God is saying to you in your quiet time.

If you are fasting with a group, it would mean you came into agreement with the stipulations of that fast for a corporate benefit. Otherwise, talk with God about what to do for your private time of submission. You can even fast for a number of hours out of the day or a full 24 hours.

Suggested fasting times:

• 6:00am-6:00pm
• 12:00pm-3:00pm
• 1 day
• 3 days
• 7 days
• 10 days
• 14 days
• 21 days, etc.

4) Select your meal time.

Woah! Woah! Woah! Do not get too excited. LOL ^_^ 

In order for fasting to be truly effective, you must be reading the Word of God. If not, you would just be voluntarily starving yourself. I boldly say that every single issue you are facing has a truth to counter it in scripture. These scriptures are what you will be “eating” during the times when you would normally be having physical food.

For example, if you would regularly have breakfast at 7:00am and you’re fasting to get closer to God, then a scripture like Matthew 6:11 is perfect. During the Lord’s prayer that Jesus outlined, He asked for daily bread. John 4:10-14 describes Jesus as “living water”. To me, those scriptures are perfect because you won’t be eating nor drinking, but the very Word of God points to the Messiah as food and drink. 

Summary

In the end, proper biblical fasting is a principle that believers in Jesus Christ should partake in regularly. It is an honourable act to God which He absolutely rewards. Even if we don’t see those very rewards in this life, we will surely see them in the next. 

To recap,

Here are 4 tips to doing a proper biblical fast.

1. Pray to God for the strength to endure.
2. Solidify your reason(s).
3. Determine the length of the fast.
4. Select your meal time.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Richest blessings,

Monique Glasgow

Other Helpful Resources:

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

How to Build a Better Quiet Time: 4 Tools to Help You Focus 

How to Spend Time with God Every Day AND Enjoy It!

Recommended Books:

“How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth” by Gordon D. Fee & Douglas Stuart

“The New Treasury of Scripture Knowledge: An easy-to-use one-volume library for Bible study and lesson preparation” by Thomas Nelson

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post Beyond Hunger: 4 Tips for a Meaningful and Proper Biblical Fast appeared first on Petals Bloom.

“And after he had taken leave of them, he went up on the mountain to pray.” – Mark 6:46 (ESV)​

“But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.” – Luke 5:16​ (ESV)​

‘And he came out and went, as was his custom, to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples followed him. And when he came to the place, he said to them, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation.” And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, …’ Luke 22:39-41​ (ESV)​
​

I believe intentionality is one of the major keys to any good relationship. Quality time needs to be mutually invested for the best results. Our wise and perfect Father God has indeed done His part and gave us a love letter, the Holy Bible, to learn more about Him. Interestingly, His words are equally relevant in today’s world as it was in times past. It is now up to us as His children to do our part and cultivate a relationship with Him.

About a year ago, I married the love of my life and it’s quite easy to recall our courting phase. During that time, we purposefully sowed time to learn about each other. Even after our wedding ceremony, we constantly learnt something new about each other as the tides of life continue to change.

Likewise, it would prove tremendously beneficial for us to be constantly curious about who God is. Although YAHWEH does not change, our understanding of Him can certainly evolve. We may experience Him as Jehovah Jireh (Provider) in one season of our life and Jehovah Rapha (Healer) in another season.

No matter where you are on your spiritual journey, it is crucial to, like Jesus, withdraw and connect with God.

Here are 4 Tools to Help You to Build a Better Quiet Time: :

1) Invite the Holy Spirit through prayer.

The Spirit of the Living God dwells inside every believer in Jesus Christ. He is the One who gives us the ability to live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28). The Holy Spirit is the very breath of God. He is the same power that raised Christ from the dead. He is also known as the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, counsel and might, knowledge and the fear of the LORD. 

The word “fear” in this verse refers to having respect, reverence and piety for God. What other power could help us in our devotion time than the very power of God Himself? Praying for wisdom and understanding to grasp the concepts in God’s Word can only be done through the revelation of the Holy Ghost.

So, feel free to ask your heavenly Father to give you His revelation of His truth through His Spirit to help you have a better quiet time.

“And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.” – Isaiah 11:2 (ESV)​

2) Use commentary websites.

God has blessed people from different walks of life to teach and interpret scriptures. Although everyone is not gifted the same way, some people are graced to accurately teach scriptures. Websites such as Enduring Word, Through The Word (TTW) and the Blue Letter Bible have helped me tremendously during my personal Bible studies. Audio features are also available on these apps if you are an auditory learner. Educated teachers teach doctrinally sound content that protects the integrity of God’s Word.

Admittedly, these commentaries can take some time to get through so it would be wise to properly schedule your time with God. A better quiet time is within your reach!

3) Incorporate the Bible Project and sermons.

For all of the visual learners, the Bible Project might be for you. This is a YouTube channel that explains key biblical themes through sketches and animation. I must say that the artwork is truly amazing . The narrators do an excellent job of describing topics ranging from God’s love to the need of our repentance to angelic beings and the like.

Sermons are a good tool to also incorporate in your quiet time. Hearing God-ordained pastors preach godly truths can add drastic improvements.

4) Praise & Worship.

A popular Bible teacher, Tiphani Montgomery, says that “The kingdom of God is voice activated” and she is absolutely correct! God Himself demonstrated this principle in the very creation of the world. Jesus also said the phrase “it is written” on several occasions. Proverbs 18:21 tells us also that “death and life are in the power of the tongue,…” (ESV)​

Keep in mind that when we speak according to the will of God, we are not manifesting anything whatsoever. Rather, we rely on the manifestation power of God to do what He deems best for us by His good, pleasing and perfect will. Singing worship music; dancing onto your God; and giving Him glory is an active tool to improve your devotion time.

Summary

Having personal time with God is essential to the health of the believer in Jesus Christ. Learn to utilize the available tools to deepen your walk with God. Pray that God will lead you to Spirit-filled teachers in order to avoid false ones.

To recap,

Here are a few popular tools that can help you to improve your devotion/quiet time:

1. Invite the Holy Spirit through prayer.
2. Use commentary websites.
3. Incorporate the Bible Project and sermons.
4. Praise & Worship.

Resources:

• ​Enduring Word Bible Commentary Isaiah 11​
• ​Blue Letter Bible​
• ​Through The Word​
• ​Bible Project​

Praise & Worship: YouTube is a good source! For example, you can check out Nathaniel Bassey.

What tool or resource has helped you to connect with God on a deeper level?​

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Monique Glasgow

Other Helpful Resources:

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

10 Easy Tips to Start Journaling today 

How to Spend Time with God Every Day AND Enjoy It!

Recommended Books:

“Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman” by Anne Ortlund

“How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth” by Gordon D. Fee & Douglas Stuart

“The New Treasury of Scripture Knowledge: An easy-to-use one-volume library for Bible study and lesson preparation” by Thomas Nelson

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Build a Better Quiet Time: 4 Tools to Help You Focus appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Elizabeth, a talented architect in her forties, was finding her faith affected by a lifetime of waiting. She had meticulously followed the dating advice, even paying for dating apps. Yet another birthday passed without the promise of marriage. Sitting alone in her squeaky-clean apartment, she sighed, “I can’t do this anymore”. Are you like Elizabeth? Have you given up hope of finding love when you’re older?

if you’re like me a few years ago, you might be looking at the dating landscape after your 30th birthday and thinking, “Is this ever going to happen?” “Am I going to find love now that I’m older?”

I got married later in life, and I know the thoughts that swirl around: “The good ones are taken.” or “My time is running out”. I get it. But here’s the truth I want to anchor you in today: God is not limited by your age. People get married in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. You can find love when you are older.

It’s a fact that the longer you wait, the fewer available single men there are. But with eight billion people in the world, it is absolutely not impossible for God to bring your guy to you. Someone else’s reality does not have to be your reality as well.

Here are 9 essential shifts to prepare yourself for a Christ-centered, God-honoring marriage:

1) Cultivate Humility and Resist Superiority.

As you become successful in your career and grow in spiritual maturity, it’s easy to unintentionally project an air of superiority, especially towards men. A healthy, respectable man does not want to be with a woman who constantly reminds him he is her inferior. He wants to know his leadership is valued and that he brings worth to the relationship.

Tip: Don’t boast about your salary, education, status or your vast biblical knowledge. Be intentional about practicing humility by happily serving others, even in tasks you might consider “beneath” your professional status. Open your eyes to see the value in the men around you and be their number one encourager. Slowly but surely, he will learn a lot about you without you having to boast.

2) Be Positive and Joyful.

At the end of the day, a man is asking himself, “Can I live with her?” As men get older, they generally seek peace, joy, and emotional stability, not stress. If a man feels good about being around you, he’ll be more inclined to want you to play a greater role in his life.

3) Be a Good Steward of Your Body.

Take care of the body God has given you. Exercise regularly and, just as importantly, eat healthily. Reduce your consumption of refined sugars and cut down on white flour. Taking care of your body is a way to honor God and make yourself a desirable and set-apart woman of God.

4) Grow Your Character Continuously.

Your reputation paves the way for you. A godly, gracious, merciful, and forgiving character is attractive. If a good man—perhaps a widower—is looking for a quality woman, would you enter his mind? You don’t need to attract ten men; you just need one good one.

Tip: Reflect on how you interact with people. Do you always have to win an argument or have the last word? Learn when to simply “zip your mouth” and listen to others, using your words for encouragement when you do speak. There’s a time to speak and a time to listen.

5) Deal with Blind Spots and Trauma Issues.

We all have blind spots, and we all carry trauma. If a trusted friend or family member points out an issue to you, don’t deny it. Deal with it. If you’ve had a bad history of relationships or a poor example of marriage from your parents, consider humbly seeking counseling or coaching. You need to give a good man a fair chance of having a healthy relationship with you.

6) Consider Men Who Are Younger or Single Again.

Be open-minded about the man God might bring into your life. You may need to consider men who are a little younger or men who are single again (widowers). Many good men in their 40s and older have never been married, or they’ve lost a loving wife and are now looking for companionship with a mature, spiritually-stable woman to compliment them for the next season of life. Yes, you can find love when you’re older!

7) Explore Dating Apps Strategically.

While meeting someone in person should always be your default, there’s nothing wrong with exploring dating apps to find love online. If you are serious, consider paying for the service. You’ll get better features and visibility, and it often signals a higher level of seriousness from the other users you encounter.

8) Prioritize Family and the Home.

If you have been hyper-focused on your career, it’s time to gain some skills useful for marriage. A man wants to know you can fit in with a family; that you are nurturing; and that you can care for others—whether they are his parents, children, or future grandchildren. You can be a career woman, but you must also learn to manage your home and not think housework is beneath you.

9) Keep Hope Alive.

Do not believe the lie that you are too old to get married. Keep hope alive that you can find love and continue to pray until the Lord takes you home or He returns. The preparation you need for marriage—growing your character, cultivating joy, and being a good steward of your body (to name a few)—is the same preparation you need for Christ’s return. Your efforts will not be wasted.

Summary

I know this journey can feel lonely, but you are not alone. The shifts we discussed are less about finding a man and more about becoming the woman of character who is prepared for him. Your mindset greatly affects how successful you are in the various aspects of your life. Undoubtedly, you can find love when you are older. Invest and adequately prepare for your future marriage, either on earth or to meet our ultimate Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

To recap,

Here are 9 essential shifts to prepare yourself for a Christ-centered, God-honoring marriage:

1. Cultivate Humility and Resist Superiority.
2. Be Positive and Joyful.
3. Be a Good Steward of Your Body.
4. Grow Your Character Continuously.
5. Deal with Blind Spots and Trauma Issues.
6. Consider Men Who Are Younger or Single Again.
7. Explore Dating Apps Strategically.
8. Prioritize Family and the Home.
9. Keep Hope Alive.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating

5 Tips To Make Yourself Look Great Online

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

Recommended Books:

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Find Love When You Are Older appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Another year is approaching and you’re still single. To add insult to injury, all your friends are posting engagement photos or gender reveal photos!

The journey of waiting for a godly spouse can be one of the most challenging and refining seasons of life. Drawing from personal experience and biblical wisdom, here are seven essential steps you can take to not only be patient while you wait on God, but to fully embrace and thrive in your singleness.

I thought that the ONLY reason that I was remaining single was because I was waiting on God. Slowly, I became aware of my own need to grapple with the truth about myself and the choices that I had made over the years. Just in case you might be in the same boat as I was, it is helpful to consider a few reasons you might still be single … other than it is God’s will.

• God is waiting for you to change key mindsets. This might involve becoming less rigid in your criteria for a spouse (e.g., only looking at men in full-time ministry like me!); being too hard to please or inflexible; continually being drawn to men who are “bad for you” while ignoring the good men already in your life; or being so fiercely independent that possible suitors get the impression that you don’t need a man in your life.
• A specific person is not ready. While not the norm, it’s possible that God has a specific person in mind, and neither you nor he is yet prepared for the commitment of marriage.
• The enemy is creating hindrances. The enemy does not want good, kingdom-building marriages between growing Christians and may be putting up spiritual obstacles that require intentional prayer.

While you may be waiting on God, God might, in fact, be waiting on you!

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1) Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).

Remember the most important marriage is the one you already have or are headed toward, that is to say, being a part of the Bride of Christ with Jesus as your Bridegroom. This eternal perspective is key to maintaining your sanity and joy. If you don’t marry on Earth, it is not the end of the world! You can still fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

2) Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.

Be brutally honest with yourself about the qualities you desire in a husband. Go through your list prayerfully and with a fine-tooth comb, determining if these items are truly essential or if they are based on vanity, cultural expectations, or unrealistic fantasies. Consider asking a biblically grounded, married Christian couple (married at least five years) to look at your list and help you discern the negotiables from the non-negotiables. While you wait on God, reconsider your “husband list”.

3) Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness

If you are constantly sad about being single, marriage may have become an idol in your life. This is not a healthy place to be. You need to dethrone the idol of marriage and replace it with Christ, the only one worthy of being the Lord of your life. Ask God to help you find contentment and joy in your current season. A joyful single woman who is open to marriage is far more attractive than a desperate one.

4) Make It a Matter of Prayer.

Praying regularly and specifically for your future husband (and asking others to pray for you) is vital. The enemy is actively working to prevent good Christians from uniting for marriage, so intentional, consistent prayer is a necessary defense against his schemes.

5) Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.

Maturing in every aspect of your life is the single most important thing you can do while waiting.

• Soak in God’s Word: The Bible is the ultimate tool for changing faulty mindsets; claiming promises; and repenting of sin. It is essential for Christian growth.
• Be in a Healthy Christian Community: Online services are not enough. You need to be in relationship and “doing life” with other believers to grow, which often involves conflict, encouragement, and accountability (to name a few).
• Find Mature Mentors: Ask God to bring a few mature Christian women (married or single) to disciple and mentor you while you wait on God for marriage.
• Be Wise About Media: Focus on wholesome books, podcasts, and materials that nurture your mind, body, and soul, helping you grow in your career and relationships. Be cautious of romance novels and fantasies—as one friend says, “The one in your bed is not the one in your head.” Fantasy can lead to dissatisfaction with a real, imperfect spouse when you get married.

6) Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.

Don’t let your life stall while you wait on God. Invest your time, emotional, and mental energy into serving others and building the Kingdom of God. Being involved in ministry and helping others grow can be deeply fulfilling and prevent you from being “overly crushed” by remaining single. Christ came not to be served, but to serve—find your joy in being like Him.

7) Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

In today’s age, we have over-complicated marriage. We’ve over-spiritualized some aspects and over-romanticized others (due to Hollywood and romance literature). Getting married doesn’t have to be that difficult. Focus on finding someone with similar Christian views; who is growing in their walk with the Lord; who is intentional about character development; and whose company you enjoy. Be willing to cut down on the man-made obstacles and barriers that prevent you from considering a good man while you wait on God.

In reality, the only sure way to know your time is near is when you are engaged and have a wedding date. While God may give you an impression, generally, people are clueless until they actually meet someone, the relationship gets serious, and a wedding date is set.

Summary

Remember: For the most part, God is waiting on us to become ready. He wants you to:

• Remove unrealistic expectations.
• Be more open to good men he has already connected you with.
• Deal with bad behavior, attitudes, and past traumas (like unaddressed rejection issues).
• Value marriage and family for what they are—a call that requires a willingness to “die to self”—rather than valuing career and independence too much

To recap,

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1. Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).
2. Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.
3. Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness.
4. Make It a Matter of Prayer.
5. Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.
6. Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.
7. Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Wait on God for Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Anna is the CEO. She runs things. As she ends her last call for the day, she starts thinking about that one conversation she and her fiancé Mark had with their pastor about pre-marital counseling… and that word kept coming up. Submission.

She almost laughed. She doesn’t submit to anyone! Her whole life is built on taking the lead, having the final word, being equal to—or better than—anyone else in the room. The thought of ‘submitting’ to a man, even a good man like Mark, makes her stomach clench. It feels like signing a contract to give up her power, to erase the woman she has fought so hard to become.

The word “submission” often carries a heavy, negative weight in today’s world. Many women, especially those with strong personalities or executive careers, fear it, seeing it as a surrender of equality or a path to being taken advantage of.

However, the Bible presents Christian submission not as a robotic duty or inferiority, but as a path to order, functionality, and protection—and most importantly, as a choice to honor Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24

As an executive-type of woman myself, I’ve learnt that submission is not awful at all! As a matter of fact, it’s quite freeing! From the wisdom of God’s Word and from my own personal experience, I will share with you the gems of biblical submission.

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband:

1. Submission Is Not Inferiority.

Submitting to a husband does not mean you are less than a man. The core of submission is functionality and order, not a matter of value. Submission was modeled by Christ. Jesus, who is the “image of the invisible God” (in Colossians 1:15) and equal with God, chose to humbly submit to God the Father, even to the point of dying on the cross. When I choose to submit to my husband, I am following the model of Jesus Christ.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” John 5:30 ESV

“And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.” John 8:29

Also, men and women have equal value. Both men and women are created equal in the image of God and therefore, we all have the same worth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV

Therefore, choosing to submit to your future husband does not diminish your worth in any form or fashion.

2. Submission is voluntary.

“Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-24

What does “subject” mean (or some translations use the word “submit”)?  Subject means to voluntarily relinquish your independent rights. Furthermore, a wife’s submission to her husband is not the same as a child obeying a parent or an employee obeying an employer. A husband cannot demand that you obey him because you’re not in a one-up one-down relationship with him. 

Let’s take Jesus’ example. Christ, in His own free will, chose to submit to the Father’s will, saying in John 5:30, ‘I can do nothing on my own… I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.’ “

You’re following the model of Christ—and that’s a position of immense strength, not weakness.

3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.

God has an order assigned to the family structure. It follows that a family will function better when God’s divine order is in operation. Let’s look around—you’ll see that this concept of order and structure, this act of yielding or submission, is actually evident everywhere in life! Children submit to parents; the Church submits to Christ; employees submit to their bosses; team members submit to the team leader; and all of us submit to our governing authorities. Order is important for all relationships and organisations to work well. Submission is an act of giving honor and respect so that we can all function optimally.

4. Mutual submission is biblical.

The Bible talks about mutual submission. 

“… Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 ESV

If we are all seeking to please God, and not ourselves, then we have to grow up and know that life does not revolve around us. If each of us has the mind to yield to one another, we would have much better relationships in the Body of Christ and in our Christian marriages.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How can God be glorified the most in this situation?
• Do I want my own way at the expense of others (your family, your team, your church, etc.)?

The world will not collapse if you don’t get your own way. 

In Hebrews 1:3, it says that “he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” However, if you cannot come to an agreement, yield to your husband and then bend your knee in prayer. You can NEVER EVER go wrong in praying to the Almighty God. Either God will change your mind; change your husband’s mind or change the situation. I’m a firm believer in the power of praying to God! You don’t need to resort to a temper tantrum like crying, screaming, yelling, whining or refusing to budge!

5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, .. ”Ephesians 5:22-25

A husband’s primary command is greater and more demanding because God has made him the head of the wife. God has given husbands the responsibility to protect and provide for their wives and their children. Our part is to submit to our husbands as they obey God to lead their families.

A godly man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even being willing to die for her. This is a man who recognizes his wife is an absolute treasure. God will hold him accountable for how he treats her. A godly husband is committed to loving and being obedient to the Lord. When you marry a man who truly loves God, he will try his best to love you and over time, he will get better at it! Submission is good because following God’s principles brings about blessings and protection.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the man you’re interested in:

• Is God’s character evident in his life?
• Does his conduct show love & humility?
• Does he have a mutually submissive attitude? 
• Does he love God and hate sin?

6. Submission has wise boundaries.

Submission never means submitting to sin or abuse. When you encounter a man who believes submission means you must disobey God in order to obey him, that is not biblical. His aim is to manipulate you for his own selfish gain. God is the Higher Power. Your first submission is always to God.

If your future husband commands something that is against the word of God—such as lying, abusive behavior, or immorality—you must choose to submit to God instead. Whatever you choose to submit to, it should line up with the Word of God and the character of God.

Before marriage, here are some warning signs:

• He’s okay with you lying about the relationship.
• He sees nothing wrong with being sexually active before marriage.
• He has become physically abusive to you. Healthy boundaries are protection. As you grow in health and healing in your walk with God, you will learn to set and protect proper boundaries with everyone—your boss, co-workers, and even your future husband. When you are a healthy person, people are less likely to take advantage of you.

7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

If you are a strong, executive-type of woman, becoming comfortable with submission starts at the very top, that is, surrender to God. The first battle is choosing to surrender your life to the Lordship of Christ and submitting to His word, His ways, and His will.

This is rooted in trusting that God is sovereign, in control, and wants the best for you. When you know God is for you, who can truly be against you?

Summary

Submission is not a weakness. It is an act of wisdom and faith, a choice that follows the model of Jesus Christ. Choose a man who is for God, so that he can be for you.

To recap,

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband, as explored in the Word and lived out in my personal experience:

1. Submission is not inferiority.
2. Submission is voluntary.
3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.
4. Mutual submission is biblical.
5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.
6. Submission has wise boundaries.
7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Proven Steps to Get Your Busy Life Under Control

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post Why Submission Is Not a Dirty Word appeared first on Petals Bloom.

It has been 18 years since Jessica was in her first relationship which was not so great. But, like most little girls, she dreamed of being married one day. She’s an attractive woman, but she is yet to find a godly man who suits her well. While she waits, she’s growing in her relationship with God; serving her church; and thriving in her job. In recent times, she’s beginning to wonder if she is ready to even share her space with a husband. Has she gotten too comfortable being single?

I understand the fears that Jessica faces. When my first serious relationship failed, I was expecting to meet my future husband within a few years after the engagement ended. But one year moved to two years, then 5 years, then 10 years and nada! So naturally, I began to be very comfortable with my singleness, although I never gave up my desire for marriage.

But when I realised that Jon, my now husband, and I were becoming very serious, I remember being fearful when it was becoming serious. I asked myself questions like, “Do I really want to give up my singleness for marriage?!?” It was scary. I had really become so comfortable with being single. 

For me, I made up my mind that I will give up my singleness and marry Jon and I would say that we have a good marriage. 

Before I talk about your options when a good man were to come your way, let’s discuss the signs that you’re too comfortable with being single:

Here are five signs that you have gotten too comfortable being single:

1) You prefer to live alone.

When you’re too comfortable being single, you prefer NOT to share your space with anyone… not your sibling, not your best friend, and not even your parents if you can help it. But you have room for your dog, your cat and your pet fish!

You want to live in peace and quiet where everything is in place according to your liking. You don’t have to clean or cook if you don’t want to. No one is around to make your place untidy if you’re a neat freak. There’s no one to have an argument with. No one can mess up with your schedule and your systems.

When you walk into your home, you kick off your shoes, breathe a sigh of contentment as you enter your home and everything is just the way you left it. When you remember you have a leftover slice of your favourite dessert in the refrigerator, you know for certain that no one else has eaten it.  

Oh the bliss of the single life! Remaining single is becoming increasingly appealing.

2) You care less and less about your looks.

If you were to observe a single young woman in her twenties, with a healthy self-esteem and who has an interest in marriage, she is generally into looking her best. Attracting the opposite sex is high on her agenda. When she has to do out, all the following boxes must be checked:

• Hair
• Finger nails
• Toe nails
• Eyelashes
• Outfit
• Matching accessories
• Perfume

On the other hand, a woman who has lost interest in marriage or slowly losing hope will not place as much effort into her looks. Look around you and I am certain you will see many examples.

3) You stay in your comfort zone.

You feel most comfortable in the following places:

• Your home
• Your workplace
• Your place of worship
• Your closest friends’ homes
• You surround yourself with the same people – your family, your closest friends, and your church family.

Basically, you go to the same places and see the same people on repeat! You say to yourself, “If God wants you to meet someone, God will bring him to you.”

4) You’re too busy for a relationship.

Your career, hobbies, travel and/or ministry are your priorities. You have no time or room for a man in your life. Whatever free time you have remaining, it’s for sleeping.

5) You have stopped preparing for marriage.

Since you have resigned yourself to remaining single, you’re not interested in relationship coaching, seminars on relationships, single meetups to meet men, viewing or listening to relationship-related content and the like. You think to yourself, “What else can I learn that I don’t already know?”

Let me share a little about my own story …

After my first relationship ended, I was single for 13 years before I met Jonathan, my husband. I became very comfortable with my single life, enjoying my independence, traveling, and making my own decisions. I even had a moment of fear about giving up those benefits when John entered my life.

However, we humans are adaptable. If you are willing to be flexible, you will adapt. I chose marriage and embraced the unfamiliar, and six years later, I have no regrets.

When a good man comes along after a long period of singleness, you generally have three options:

1) Embrace him.

You can choose to embrace this man as a gift from God—his quirks, his weaknesses, and his strengths. You can choose to embrace oneness; choose to embrace the unfamiliar; choose to embrace the risk. It may or may not work out, but if he’s a good guy who’s serious about marriage, it’s a risk worth taking.

I promise you, you will grow and mature in ways that you didn’t know you needed if you allow God to change you through marriage.

2) Choose to remain single.

You might genuinely prefer to remain single. If, after careful consideration, you realize singleness is better for you, then embrace it fully. Therefore, choosing singleness is a valid choice as a child of God. It is easier to remain single and there are benefits to being single. This life is very short and if you decide not to get married, that is okay! Just be honest with yourself and don’t lead someone on if you’re not truly open to marriage.

3) Sabotage the relationship.

You might subconsciously find flaws, nitpick, and dismiss a potential husband due to fear of the unknown. You can end up sabotaging every relationship, with fairly good men, and then blame your singleness on God or say that there are no available good men in the church. Your community of friends and family can also offer valuable insight if you’re unintentionally rejecting good men. 

My advice would be to come to terms with where you are right now. If you have grown to love being single, that is fine and make it clear to any man who tries to pursue you. In that way, you will not waste his time or yours.

Summary

Here is what you need to do …

Make up your mind 

Although you have become very comfortable with being single, you need to make up your mind (SOBERLY) if you really want to give up the comforts and benefits of singleness for the blessing and challenge of being married. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God.

However, it is very unfair to allow a man to fall in love with you and at the very last minute, break his heart because you are double-minded.

Take some time and pray about this. Make up your mind.

My question to you is, “If God were to bring a wonderful godly man to you in the near future, would you be willing to give up your singleness and its comforts for him? Comment and let us know!

If this has been helpful to you and you want to get more practical relationship advice, you can get my “Irresistible Godly Woman” checklist by clicking on the link in the description. Then, you will receive my weekly newsletter with tips to help you navigate relationships.

Also, I invite you to like and subscribe to my challenge if you found my information helpful.  Take care and bye!

To recap,

Here are five signs that you have gotten too comfortable being single:

1. You prefer to live alone.
2. You care less and less about your looks.
3. You stay in your comfort zone.
4. You’re too busy for a relationship.
5. You have stopped preparing for marriage.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With

5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

Recommended Books:

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You And Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite 16GB

The post Have I Gotten Too Comfortable Being Single? appeared first on Petals Bloom.