While postponing activities like social media; cutting out sugar; taking a break from movies, etc. are noble acts, they can be thought more of being acts of consecration to accompany biblical fasting.

In Matthew 4, our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, went on a 40-day fast by the leading of the Holy Spirit. Later on in Matthew 6, Jesus gave us instructions on how to do proper biblical fast privately. It was a matter of when you fast, not if you fast.

The reason for fasting varies. We see in scriptures that:

• Esther called a corporate fast in hopes of receiving favour from the king on behalf of her people. Neither were they to eat nor to drink for three days.

• Then, in Jonah 3:5-9, the king called for a public fast where even the animals were not permitted to eat or drink as an act of repentance and asking for God’s mercy upon them.

• Fasting can be done also to receive breakthroughs in stubborn areas in your life. Matthew 17: 21 clearly says that certain obstacles/kind won’t be moved except by prayer and fasting. 

Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, “Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish.”Mordecai then went away and did everything as Esther had ordered him. – Esther 4:15-17 (ESV)

And the people of Nineveh believed God. They called for a fast and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them to the least of them. The word reached the king of Nineveh, and he arose from his throne, removed his robe, covered himself with sackcloth, and sat in ashes. And he issued a proclamation and published through Nineveh, “By the decree of the king and his nobles: Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste anything. Let them not feed or drink water, but let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and let them call out mightily to God. Let everyone turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands. Who knows? God may turn and relent and turn from his fierce anger, so that we may not perish.” – Jonah 3:5-9 (ESV)

“Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.” – Matthew 17:21 (KJV)

Perhaps the reason you may be considering a fast is to receive a breakthrough to get married; to improve your finances; to strengthen your walk with God; or to fast on someone else’s behalf. Regardless of the reason, these tips can surely help.

Here are 4 Tips to Doing a Proper Biblical Fast:

1) Pray to God for the strength to endure.

Listen carefully. Fasting is NOT for the weak. Your flesh will indeed cry out for food because it is used to eating. You may even experience a great deal of discomfort. Don’t worry though. Your flesh is simply dying and coming into subjection to the Word of God. Your flesh will become weak, but your spirit-(wo)man will become strong in the Lord. Therefore, it is important to pray and ask God that while you participate in this act of obedience, He gives you the strength and sustenance to finish well. You can surely do a proper biblical fast!

While fasting, you may experience:

• Headaches/dizziness
• Bad breath
• Fatigue
• Irritability
• Body odours

In addition to the multitude of spiritual benefits to fasting, scientists also encourage fasting a few days of the week to aid your body with natural resetting procedures that cannot take place while actively eating.

2) Solidify your reason(s).

I went on several fasts while I was single. It was a tool I utilized to assist me in the preparation for my husband to whom I am now married.  I would clearly fast for this reason to ensure I was as ready as possible. I solidified my relationship with God first, then worked on myself. Then, I began to pray for my future husband without even knowing or meeting him.

So, it is very important to know the reasons you are fasting in the first place. Consider your motives and present your requests to the Lord. 

3) Determine the length of the fast.

While you pray, ask God for how long you should fast. I’ll put some suggestions below, but for now, knowing how long you will go without food is crucial. That’s why you must be inclined to the voice of God. Some people can go for a longer time while others cannot. Needless to say that you should not compete nor compare yourself to others. Rather, hear the specific instructions God is saying to you in your quiet time.

If you are fasting with a group, it would mean you came into agreement with the stipulations of that fast for a corporate benefit. Otherwise, talk with God about what to do for your private time of submission. You can even fast for a number of hours out of the day or a full 24 hours.

Suggested fasting times:

• 6:00am-6:00pm
• 12:00pm-3:00pm
• 1 day
• 3 days
• 7 days
• 10 days
• 14 days
• 21 days, etc.

4) Select your meal time.

Woah! Woah! Woah! Do not get too excited. LOL ^_^ 

In order for fasting to be truly effective, you must be reading the Word of God. If not, you would just be voluntarily starving yourself. I boldly say that every single issue you are facing has a truth to counter it in scripture. These scriptures are what you will be “eating” during the times when you would normally be having physical food.

For example, if you would regularly have breakfast at 7:00am and you’re fasting to get closer to God, then a scripture like Matthew 6:11 is perfect. During the Lord’s prayer that Jesus outlined, He asked for daily bread. John 4:10-14 describes Jesus as “living water”. To me, those scriptures are perfect because you won’t be eating nor drinking, but the very Word of God points to the Messiah as food and drink. 

Summary

In the end, proper biblical fasting is a principle that believers in Jesus Christ should partake in regularly. It is an honourable act to God which He absolutely rewards. Even if we don’t see those very rewards in this life, we will surely see them in the next. 

To recap,

Here are 4 tips to doing a proper biblical fast.

1. Pray to God for the strength to endure.
2. Solidify your reason(s).
3. Determine the length of the fast.
4. Select your meal time.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Richest blessings,

Monique Glasgow

Other Helpful Resources:

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

How to Build a Better Quiet Time: 4 Tools to Help You Focus 

How to Spend Time with God Every Day AND Enjoy It!

Recommended Books:

“How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth” by Gordon D. Fee & Douglas Stuart

“The New Treasury of Scripture Knowledge: An easy-to-use one-volume library for Bible study and lesson preparation” by Thomas Nelson

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

“And after he had taken leave of them, he went up on the mountain to pray.” – Mark 6:46 (ESV)​

“But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.” – Luke 5:16​ (ESV)​

‘And he came out and went, as was his custom, to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples followed him. And when he came to the place, he said to them, “Pray that you may not enter into temptation.” And he withdrew from them about a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed, …’ Luke 22:39-41​ (ESV)​
​

I believe intentionality is one of the major keys to any good relationship. Quality time needs to be mutually invested for the best results. Our wise and perfect Father God has indeed done His part and gave us a love letter, the Holy Bible, to learn more about Him. Interestingly, His words are equally relevant in today’s world as it was in times past. It is now up to us as His children to do our part and cultivate a relationship with Him.

About a year ago, I married the love of my life and it’s quite easy to recall our courting phase. During that time, we purposefully sowed time to learn about each other. Even after our wedding ceremony, we constantly learnt something new about each other as the tides of life continue to change.

Likewise, it would prove tremendously beneficial for us to be constantly curious about who God is. Although YAHWEH does not change, our understanding of Him can certainly evolve. We may experience Him as Jehovah Jireh (Provider) in one season of our life and Jehovah Rapha (Healer) in another season.

No matter where you are on your spiritual journey, it is crucial to, like Jesus, withdraw and connect with God.

Here are 4 Tools to Help You to Build a Better Quiet Time: :

1) Invite the Holy Spirit through prayer.

The Spirit of the Living God dwells inside every believer in Jesus Christ. He is the One who gives us the ability to live and move and have our being (Acts 17:28). The Holy Spirit is the very breath of God. He is the same power that raised Christ from the dead. He is also known as the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, counsel and might, knowledge and the fear of the LORD. 

The word “fear” in this verse refers to having respect, reverence and piety for God. What other power could help us in our devotion time than the very power of God Himself? Praying for wisdom and understanding to grasp the concepts in God’s Word can only be done through the revelation of the Holy Ghost.

So, feel free to ask your heavenly Father to give you His revelation of His truth through His Spirit to help you have a better quiet time.

“And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.” – Isaiah 11:2 (ESV)​

2) Use commentary websites.

God has blessed people from different walks of life to teach and interpret scriptures. Although everyone is not gifted the same way, some people are graced to accurately teach scriptures. Websites such as Enduring Word, Through The Word (TTW) and the Blue Letter Bible have helped me tremendously during my personal Bible studies. Audio features are also available on these apps if you are an auditory learner. Educated teachers teach doctrinally sound content that protects the integrity of God’s Word.

Admittedly, these commentaries can take some time to get through so it would be wise to properly schedule your time with God. A better quiet time is within your reach!

3) Incorporate the Bible Project and sermons.

For all of the visual learners, the Bible Project might be for you. This is a YouTube channel that explains key biblical themes through sketches and animation. I must say that the artwork is truly amazing . The narrators do an excellent job of describing topics ranging from God’s love to the need of our repentance to angelic beings and the like.

Sermons are a good tool to also incorporate in your quiet time. Hearing God-ordained pastors preach godly truths can add drastic improvements.

4) Praise & Worship.

A popular Bible teacher, Tiphani Montgomery, says that “The kingdom of God is voice activated” and she is absolutely correct! God Himself demonstrated this principle in the very creation of the world. Jesus also said the phrase “it is written” on several occasions. Proverbs 18:21 tells us also that “death and life are in the power of the tongue,…” (ESV)​

Keep in mind that when we speak according to the will of God, we are not manifesting anything whatsoever. Rather, we rely on the manifestation power of God to do what He deems best for us by His good, pleasing and perfect will. Singing worship music; dancing onto your God; and giving Him glory is an active tool to improve your devotion time.

Summary

Having personal time with God is essential to the health of the believer in Jesus Christ. Learn to utilize the available tools to deepen your walk with God. Pray that God will lead you to Spirit-filled teachers in order to avoid false ones.

To recap,

Here are a few popular tools that can help you to improve your devotion/quiet time:

1. Invite the Holy Spirit through prayer.
2. Use commentary websites.
3. Incorporate the Bible Project and sermons.
4. Praise & Worship.

Resources:

• ​Enduring Word Bible Commentary Isaiah 11​
• ​Blue Letter Bible​
• ​Through The Word​
• ​Bible Project​

Praise & Worship: YouTube is a good source! For example, you can check out Nathaniel Bassey.

What tool or resource has helped you to connect with God on a deeper level?​

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Monique Glasgow

Other Helpful Resources:

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

10 Easy Tips to Start Journaling today 

How to Spend Time with God Every Day AND Enjoy It!

Recommended Books:

“Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman” by Anne Ortlund

“How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth” by Gordon D. Fee & Douglas Stuart

“The New Treasury of Scripture Knowledge: An easy-to-use one-volume library for Bible study and lesson preparation” by Thomas Nelson

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

Elizabeth, a talented architect in her forties, was finding her faith affected by a lifetime of waiting. She had meticulously followed the dating advice, even paying for dating apps. Yet another birthday passed without the promise of marriage. Sitting alone in her squeaky-clean apartment, she sighed, “I can’t do this anymore”. Are you like Elizabeth? Have you given up hope of finding love when you’re older?

if you’re like me a few years ago, you might be looking at the dating landscape after your 30th birthday and thinking, “Is this ever going to happen?” “Am I going to find love now that I’m older?”

I got married later in life, and I know the thoughts that swirl around: “The good ones are taken.” or “My time is running out”. I get it. But here’s the truth I want to anchor you in today: God is not limited by your age. People get married in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. You can find love when you are older.

It’s a fact that the longer you wait, the fewer available single men there are. But with eight billion people in the world, it is absolutely not impossible for God to bring your guy to you. Someone else’s reality does not have to be your reality as well.

Here are 9 essential shifts to prepare yourself for a Christ-centered, God-honoring marriage:

1) Cultivate Humility and Resist Superiority.

As you become successful in your career and grow in spiritual maturity, it’s easy to unintentionally project an air of superiority, especially towards men. A healthy, respectable man does not want to be with a woman who constantly reminds him he is her inferior. He wants to know his leadership is valued and that he brings worth to the relationship.

Tip: Don’t boast about your salary, education, status or your vast biblical knowledge. Be intentional about practicing humility by happily serving others, even in tasks you might consider “beneath” your professional status. Open your eyes to see the value in the men around you and be their number one encourager. Slowly but surely, he will learn a lot about you without you having to boast.

2) Be Positive and Joyful.

At the end of the day, a man is asking himself, “Can I live with her?” As men get older, they generally seek peace, joy, and emotional stability, not stress. If a man feels good about being around you, he’ll be more inclined to want you to play a greater role in his life.

3) Be a Good Steward of Your Body.

Take care of the body God has given you. Exercise regularly and, just as importantly, eat healthily. Reduce your consumption of refined sugars and cut down on white flour. Taking care of your body is a way to honor God and make yourself a desirable and set-apart woman of God.

4) Grow Your Character Continuously.

Your reputation paves the way for you. A godly, gracious, merciful, and forgiving character is attractive. If a good man—perhaps a widower—is looking for a quality woman, would you enter his mind? You don’t need to attract ten men; you just need one good one.

Tip: Reflect on how you interact with people. Do you always have to win an argument or have the last word? Learn when to simply “zip your mouth” and listen to others, using your words for encouragement when you do speak. There’s a time to speak and a time to listen.

5) Deal with Blind Spots and Trauma Issues.

We all have blind spots, and we all carry trauma. If a trusted friend or family member points out an issue to you, don’t deny it. Deal with it. If you’ve had a bad history of relationships or a poor example of marriage from your parents, consider humbly seeking counseling or coaching. You need to give a good man a fair chance of having a healthy relationship with you.

6) Consider Men Who Are Younger or Single Again.

Be open-minded about the man God might bring into your life. You may need to consider men who are a little younger or men who are single again (widowers). Many good men in their 40s and older have never been married, or they’ve lost a loving wife and are now looking for companionship with a mature, spiritually-stable woman to compliment them for the next season of life. Yes, you can find love when you’re older!

7) Explore Dating Apps Strategically.

While meeting someone in person should always be your default, there’s nothing wrong with exploring dating apps to find love online. If you are serious, consider paying for the service. You’ll get better features and visibility, and it often signals a higher level of seriousness from the other users you encounter.

8) Prioritize Family and the Home.

If you have been hyper-focused on your career, it’s time to gain some skills useful for marriage. A man wants to know you can fit in with a family; that you are nurturing; and that you can care for others—whether they are his parents, children, or future grandchildren. You can be a career woman, but you must also learn to manage your home and not think housework is beneath you.

9) Keep Hope Alive.

Do not believe the lie that you are too old to get married. Keep hope alive that you can find love and continue to pray until the Lord takes you home or He returns. The preparation you need for marriage—growing your character, cultivating joy, and being a good steward of your body (to name a few)—is the same preparation you need for Christ’s return. Your efforts will not be wasted.

Summary

I know this journey can feel lonely, but you are not alone. The shifts we discussed are less about finding a man and more about becoming the woman of character who is prepared for him. Your mindset greatly affects how successful you are in the various aspects of your life. Undoubtedly, you can find love when you are older. Invest and adequately prepare for your future marriage, either on earth or to meet our ultimate Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

To recap,

Here are 9 essential shifts to prepare yourself for a Christ-centered, God-honoring marriage:

1. Cultivate Humility and Resist Superiority.
2. Be Positive and Joyful.
3. Be a Good Steward of Your Body.
4. Grow Your Character Continuously.
5. Deal with Blind Spots and Trauma Issues.
6. Consider Men Who Are Younger or Single Again.
7. Explore Dating Apps Strategically.
8. Prioritize Family and the Home.
9. Keep Hope Alive.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating

5 Tips To Make Yourself Look Great Online

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

Recommended Books:

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

Another year is approaching and you’re still single. To add insult to injury, all your friends are posting engagement photos or gender reveal photos!

The journey of waiting for a godly spouse can be one of the most challenging and refining seasons of life. Drawing from personal experience and biblical wisdom, here are seven essential steps you can take to not only be patient while you wait on God, but to fully embrace and thrive in your singleness.

I thought that the ONLY reason that I was remaining single was because I was waiting on God. Slowly, I became aware of my own need to grapple with the truth about myself and the choices that I had made over the years. Just in case you might be in the same boat as I was, it is helpful to consider a few reasons you might still be single … other than it is God’s will.

• God is waiting for you to change key mindsets. This might involve becoming less rigid in your criteria for a spouse (e.g., only looking at men in full-time ministry like me!); being too hard to please or inflexible; continually being drawn to men who are “bad for you” while ignoring the good men already in your life; or being so fiercely independent that possible suitors get the impression that you don’t need a man in your life.
• A specific person is not ready. While not the norm, it’s possible that God has a specific person in mind, and neither you nor he is yet prepared for the commitment of marriage.
• The enemy is creating hindrances. The enemy does not want good, kingdom-building marriages between growing Christians and may be putting up spiritual obstacles that require intentional prayer.

While you may be waiting on God, God might, in fact, be waiting on you!

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1) Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).

Remember the most important marriage is the one you already have or are headed toward, that is to say, being a part of the Bride of Christ with Jesus as your Bridegroom. This eternal perspective is key to maintaining your sanity and joy. If you don’t marry on Earth, it is not the end of the world! You can still fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

2) Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.

Be brutally honest with yourself about the qualities you desire in a husband. Go through your list prayerfully and with a fine-tooth comb, determining if these items are truly essential or if they are based on vanity, cultural expectations, or unrealistic fantasies. Consider asking a biblically grounded, married Christian couple (married at least five years) to look at your list and help you discern the negotiables from the non-negotiables. While you wait on God, reconsider your “husband list”.

3) Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness

If you are constantly sad about being single, marriage may have become an idol in your life. This is not a healthy place to be. You need to dethrone the idol of marriage and replace it with Christ, the only one worthy of being the Lord of your life. Ask God to help you find contentment and joy in your current season. A joyful single woman who is open to marriage is far more attractive than a desperate one.

4) Make It a Matter of Prayer.

Praying regularly and specifically for your future husband (and asking others to pray for you) is vital. The enemy is actively working to prevent good Christians from uniting for marriage, so intentional, consistent prayer is a necessary defense against his schemes.

5) Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.

Maturing in every aspect of your life is the single most important thing you can do while waiting.

• Soak in God’s Word: The Bible is the ultimate tool for changing faulty mindsets; claiming promises; and repenting of sin. It is essential for Christian growth.
• Be in a Healthy Christian Community: Online services are not enough. You need to be in relationship and “doing life” with other believers to grow, which often involves conflict, encouragement, and accountability (to name a few).
• Find Mature Mentors: Ask God to bring a few mature Christian women (married or single) to disciple and mentor you while you wait on God for marriage.
• Be Wise About Media: Focus on wholesome books, podcasts, and materials that nurture your mind, body, and soul, helping you grow in your career and relationships. Be cautious of romance novels and fantasies—as one friend says, “The one in your bed is not the one in your head.” Fantasy can lead to dissatisfaction with a real, imperfect spouse when you get married.

6) Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.

Don’t let your life stall while you wait on God. Invest your time, emotional, and mental energy into serving others and building the Kingdom of God. Being involved in ministry and helping others grow can be deeply fulfilling and prevent you from being “overly crushed” by remaining single. Christ came not to be served, but to serve—find your joy in being like Him.

7) Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

In today’s age, we have over-complicated marriage. We’ve over-spiritualized some aspects and over-romanticized others (due to Hollywood and romance literature). Getting married doesn’t have to be that difficult. Focus on finding someone with similar Christian views; who is growing in their walk with the Lord; who is intentional about character development; and whose company you enjoy. Be willing to cut down on the man-made obstacles and barriers that prevent you from considering a good man while you wait on God.

In reality, the only sure way to know your time is near is when you are engaged and have a wedding date. While God may give you an impression, generally, people are clueless until they actually meet someone, the relationship gets serious, and a wedding date is set.

Summary

Remember: For the most part, God is waiting on us to become ready. He wants you to:

• Remove unrealistic expectations.
• Be more open to good men he has already connected you with.
• Deal with bad behavior, attitudes, and past traumas (like unaddressed rejection issues).
• Value marriage and family for what they are—a call that requires a willingness to “die to self”—rather than valuing career and independence too much

To recap,

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1. Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).
2. Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.
3. Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness.
4. Make It a Matter of Prayer.
5. Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.
6. Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.
7. Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

Anna is the CEO. She runs things. As she ends her last call for the day, she starts thinking about that one conversation she and her fiancé Mark had with their pastor about pre-marital counseling… and that word kept coming up. Submission.

She almost laughed. She doesn’t submit to anyone! Her whole life is built on taking the lead, having the final word, being equal to—or better than—anyone else in the room. The thought of ‘submitting’ to a man, even a good man like Mark, makes her stomach clench. It feels like signing a contract to give up her power, to erase the woman she has fought so hard to become.

The word “submission” often carries a heavy, negative weight in today’s world. Many women, especially those with strong personalities or executive careers, fear it, seeing it as a surrender of equality or a path to being taken advantage of.

However, the Bible presents Christian submission not as a robotic duty or inferiority, but as a path to order, functionality, and protection—and most importantly, as a choice to honor Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24

As an executive-type of woman myself, I’ve learnt that submission is not awful at all! As a matter of fact, it’s quite freeing! From the wisdom of God’s Word and from my own personal experience, I will share with you the gems of biblical submission.

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband:

1. Submission Is Not Inferiority.

Submitting to a husband does not mean you are less than a man. The core of submission is functionality and order, not a matter of value. Submission was modeled by Christ. Jesus, who is the “image of the invisible God” (in Colossians 1:15) and equal with God, chose to humbly submit to God the Father, even to the point of dying on the cross. When I choose to submit to my husband, I am following the model of Jesus Christ.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” John 5:30 ESV

“And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.” John 8:29

Also, men and women have equal value. Both men and women are created equal in the image of God and therefore, we all have the same worth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV

Therefore, choosing to submit to your future husband does not diminish your worth in any form or fashion.

2. Submission is voluntary.

“Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-24

What does “subject” mean (or some translations use the word “submit”)?  Subject means to voluntarily relinquish your independent rights. Furthermore, a wife’s submission to her husband is not the same as a child obeying a parent or an employee obeying an employer. A husband cannot demand that you obey him because you’re not in a one-up one-down relationship with him. 

Let’s take Jesus’ example. Christ, in His own free will, chose to submit to the Father’s will, saying in John 5:30, ‘I can do nothing on my own… I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.’ “

You’re following the model of Christ—and that’s a position of immense strength, not weakness.

3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.

God has an order assigned to the family structure. It follows that a family will function better when God’s divine order is in operation. Let’s look around—you’ll see that this concept of order and structure, this act of yielding or submission, is actually evident everywhere in life! Children submit to parents; the Church submits to Christ; employees submit to their bosses; team members submit to the team leader; and all of us submit to our governing authorities. Order is important for all relationships and organisations to work well. Submission is an act of giving honor and respect so that we can all function optimally.

4. Mutual submission is biblical.

The Bible talks about mutual submission. 

“… Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 ESV

If we are all seeking to please God, and not ourselves, then we have to grow up and know that life does not revolve around us. If each of us has the mind to yield to one another, we would have much better relationships in the Body of Christ and in our Christian marriages.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How can God be glorified the most in this situation?
• Do I want my own way at the expense of others (your family, your team, your church, etc.)?

The world will not collapse if you don’t get your own way. 

In Hebrews 1:3, it says that “he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” However, if you cannot come to an agreement, yield to your husband and then bend your knee in prayer. You can NEVER EVER go wrong in praying to the Almighty God. Either God will change your mind; change your husband’s mind or change the situation. I’m a firm believer in the power of praying to God! You don’t need to resort to a temper tantrum like crying, screaming, yelling, whining or refusing to budge!

5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, .. ”Ephesians 5:22-25

A husband’s primary command is greater and more demanding because God has made him the head of the wife. God has given husbands the responsibility to protect and provide for their wives and their children. Our part is to submit to our husbands as they obey God to lead their families.

A godly man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even being willing to die for her. This is a man who recognizes his wife is an absolute treasure. God will hold him accountable for how he treats her. A godly husband is committed to loving and being obedient to the Lord. When you marry a man who truly loves God, he will try his best to love you and over time, he will get better at it! Submission is good because following God’s principles brings about blessings and protection.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the man you’re interested in:

• Is God’s character evident in his life?
• Does his conduct show love & humility?
• Does he have a mutually submissive attitude? 
• Does he love God and hate sin?

6. Submission has wise boundaries.

Submission never means submitting to sin or abuse. When you encounter a man who believes submission means you must disobey God in order to obey him, that is not biblical. His aim is to manipulate you for his own selfish gain. God is the Higher Power. Your first submission is always to God.

If your future husband commands something that is against the word of God—such as lying, abusive behavior, or immorality—you must choose to submit to God instead. Whatever you choose to submit to, it should line up with the Word of God and the character of God.

Before marriage, here are some warning signs:

• He’s okay with you lying about the relationship.
• He sees nothing wrong with being sexually active before marriage.
• He has become physically abusive to you. Healthy boundaries are protection. As you grow in health and healing in your walk with God, you will learn to set and protect proper boundaries with everyone—your boss, co-workers, and even your future husband. When you are a healthy person, people are less likely to take advantage of you.

7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

If you are a strong, executive-type of woman, becoming comfortable with submission starts at the very top, that is, surrender to God. The first battle is choosing to surrender your life to the Lordship of Christ and submitting to His word, His ways, and His will.

This is rooted in trusting that God is sovereign, in control, and wants the best for you. When you know God is for you, who can truly be against you?

Summary

Submission is not a weakness. It is an act of wisdom and faith, a choice that follows the model of Jesus Christ. Choose a man who is for God, so that he can be for you.

To recap,

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband, as explored in the Word and lived out in my personal experience:

1. Submission is not inferiority.
2. Submission is voluntary.
3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.
4. Mutual submission is biblical.
5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.
6. Submission has wise boundaries.
7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Proven Steps to Get Your Busy Life Under Control

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

It has been 18 years since Jessica was in her first relationship which was not so great. But, like most little girls, she dreamed of being married one day. She’s an attractive woman, but she is yet to find a godly man who suits her well. While she waits, she’s growing in her relationship with God; serving her church; and thriving in her job. In recent times, she’s beginning to wonder if she is ready to even share her space with a husband. Has she gotten too comfortable being single?

I understand the fears that Jessica faces. When my first serious relationship failed, I was expecting to meet my future husband within a few years after the engagement ended. But one year moved to two years, then 5 years, then 10 years and nada! So naturally, I began to be very comfortable with my singleness, although I never gave up my desire for marriage.

But when I realised that Jon, my now husband, and I were becoming very serious, I remember being fearful when it was becoming serious. I asked myself questions like, “Do I really want to give up my singleness for marriage?!?” It was scary. I had really become so comfortable with being single. 

For me, I made up my mind that I will give up my singleness and marry Jon and I would say that we have a good marriage. 

Before I talk about your options when a good man were to come your way, let’s discuss the signs that you’re too comfortable with being single:

Here are five signs that you have gotten too comfortable being single:

1) You prefer to live alone.

When you’re too comfortable being single, you prefer NOT to share your space with anyone… not your sibling, not your best friend, and not even your parents if you can help it. But you have room for your dog, your cat and your pet fish!

You want to live in peace and quiet where everything is in place according to your liking. You don’t have to clean or cook if you don’t want to. No one is around to make your place untidy if you’re a neat freak. There’s no one to have an argument with. No one can mess up with your schedule and your systems.

When you walk into your home, you kick off your shoes, breathe a sigh of contentment as you enter your home and everything is just the way you left it. When you remember you have a leftover slice of your favourite dessert in the refrigerator, you know for certain that no one else has eaten it.  

Oh the bliss of the single life! Remaining single is becoming increasingly appealing.

2) You care less and less about your looks.

If you were to observe a single young woman in her twenties, with a healthy self-esteem and who has an interest in marriage, she is generally into looking her best. Attracting the opposite sex is high on her agenda. When she has to do out, all the following boxes must be checked:

• Hair
• Finger nails
• Toe nails
• Eyelashes
• Outfit
• Matching accessories
• Perfume

On the other hand, a woman who has lost interest in marriage or slowly losing hope will not place as much effort into her looks. Look around you and I am certain you will see many examples.

3) You stay in your comfort zone.

You feel most comfortable in the following places:

• Your home
• Your workplace
• Your place of worship
• Your closest friends’ homes
• You surround yourself with the same people – your family, your closest friends, and your church family.

Basically, you go to the same places and see the same people on repeat! You say to yourself, “If God wants you to meet someone, God will bring him to you.”

4) You’re too busy for a relationship.

Your career, hobbies, travel and/or ministry are your priorities. You have no time or room for a man in your life. Whatever free time you have remaining, it’s for sleeping.

5) You have stopped preparing for marriage.

Since you have resigned yourself to remaining single, you’re not interested in relationship coaching, seminars on relationships, single meetups to meet men, viewing or listening to relationship-related content and the like. You think to yourself, “What else can I learn that I don’t already know?”

Let me share a little about my own story …

After my first relationship ended, I was single for 13 years before I met Jonathan, my husband. I became very comfortable with my single life, enjoying my independence, traveling, and making my own decisions. I even had a moment of fear about giving up those benefits when John entered my life.

However, we humans are adaptable. If you are willing to be flexible, you will adapt. I chose marriage and embraced the unfamiliar, and six years later, I have no regrets.

When a good man comes along after a long period of singleness, you generally have three options:

1) Embrace him.

You can choose to embrace this man as a gift from God—his quirks, his weaknesses, and his strengths. You can choose to embrace oneness; choose to embrace the unfamiliar; choose to embrace the risk. It may or may not work out, but if he’s a good guy who’s serious about marriage, it’s a risk worth taking.

I promise you, you will grow and mature in ways that you didn’t know you needed if you allow God to change you through marriage.

2) Choose to remain single.

You might genuinely prefer to remain single. If, after careful consideration, you realize singleness is better for you, then embrace it fully. Therefore, choosing singleness is a valid choice as a child of God. It is easier to remain single and there are benefits to being single. This life is very short and if you decide not to get married, that is okay! Just be honest with yourself and don’t lead someone on if you’re not truly open to marriage.

3) Sabotage the relationship.

You might subconsciously find flaws, nitpick, and dismiss a potential husband due to fear of the unknown. You can end up sabotaging every relationship, with fairly good men, and then blame your singleness on God or say that there are no available good men in the church. Your community of friends and family can also offer valuable insight if you’re unintentionally rejecting good men. 

My advice would be to come to terms with where you are right now. If you have grown to love being single, that is fine and make it clear to any man who tries to pursue you. In that way, you will not waste his time or yours.

Summary

Here is what you need to do …

Make up your mind 

Although you have become very comfortable with being single, you need to make up your mind (SOBERLY) if you really want to give up the comforts and benefits of singleness for the blessing and challenge of being married. Both marriage and singleness are gifts from God.

However, it is very unfair to allow a man to fall in love with you and at the very last minute, break his heart because you are double-minded.

Take some time and pray about this. Make up your mind.

My question to you is, “If God were to bring a wonderful godly man to you in the near future, would you be willing to give up your singleness and its comforts for him? Comment and let us know!

If this has been helpful to you and you want to get more practical relationship advice, you can get my “Irresistible Godly Woman” checklist by clicking on the link in the description. Then, you will receive my weekly newsletter with tips to help you navigate relationships.

Also, I invite you to like and subscribe to my challenge if you found my information helpful.  Take care and bye!

To recap,

Here are five signs that you have gotten too comfortable being single:

1. You prefer to live alone.
2. You care less and less about your looks.
3. You stay in your comfort zone.
4. You’re too busy for a relationship.
5. You have stopped preparing for marriage.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With

5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

Recommended Books:

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You And Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite 16GB

You are a committed Christian woman, but you find yourself constantly falling into sexual sin with guys. The last time, it just mashed you up so much and you’re like, “I need to get a grip. I need to grow in this area”.

The thing is, when it comes to sexual temptation, it’s kind of difficult. It’s probably extra difficult these days because we are inundated with so much sexual material in the movies, in the books, the songs, music videos and the like.

Also, it has become a sad situation when Christian men are encouraging you and pressuring you for sex. There are women like that too! It just shows the way that we have allowed the world to infiltrate us so much that we have become powerless as people of God. So let’s overturn this trend. I want to share with you what has helped me and what could also help you overcome in this particular area. 

Here are 4 Tips on How to Deal with Sexual Temptation as a Single Woman:

1) Make up your mind.

You have to decide for yourself. No one can decide for you. In Daniel 1:8, it says that Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king’s choice foods, with the king’s food or wine. 

So there are times when you need to make up your mind and allow God to be the one to help you; fight for you; and to prosper you, even when your decisions might be very unpopular to others. Therefore, in order to deal with sexual temptation, you have to make up your mind for yourself.

2) Know what the Bible says about sexual purity.

Now, your feelings can come and go, but what will remain is the Word of God. 

“I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you”. – Psalm 119:11

As such, the Word of God is extremely important if you really want to win this battle. If you want to overcome sexual temptation with men, you need to renew your mind with the Word of God. A particular portion scripture that really helped me when I was growing in this particular area, is found in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6

You need a proper foundation in order for you to be strong in this particular area. Your feelings will be insufficient to help you when you are in a difficult situation. The interesting thing is, from my own experience and from what I know, there are quality men who will have their boundaries. And there are lots of good single men still out there. 

But I have found that, in general, men look to us to establish our boundaries and the sexual boundaries for the relationship. Therefore, you have to decide beforehand what your boundaries will be.

When you find Scripture that can strengthen your resolve to deal with sexual temptation, it is not sufficient to just read that portion of scripture once and done. No! You need to memorize it and meditate on it for it to move from your head to your heart so that you will really, really, really believe it. It needs to become a solid conviction and your own personal conviction … not your pastor’s conviction, not your youth pastor’s conviction, not your parents’ conviction, but yours!

It has to become your personal conviction for you to really overcome in this particular area.

3) Determine your boundaries in dating.

“That each of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor”. – 1 Thessalonians 4:4

You have to control your own body and help the guy to control his body as well. You need to think about boundaries in four particular areas, and here are a few questions to ask yourself.

Physical touch

What will you do or or will not do when it comes to physical touch with a guy you are seeing? 

Physical space

Do you have any particular boundaries with respect to being alone together? 

Sharing information

What will you share or will you not share with the guy that you are seeing? 

An accountability partner or friend

Is there someone in your life that can ask you the hard questions after you come back from a date? For example. “How things are going with you and ‘Charlie’? How are you dealing with the whole area of physical intimacy?” 

We need these people in our lives to help us to walk the straight and narrow path. We need someone to pray for us and we need someone with whom we can be accountable. 

You will see a great improvement in your ability to live more and more for Christ and in holiness and in purity when you have someone by your side rooting for you, supporting you, and willing to ask you the difficult questions. 

Have you determined your boundaries when it comes to dating?

4) Surround yourself with a like-minded community.

I can’t express how important a community is … whether an in-person community or an online community. Although online communities are good (to an extent), but you honestly need a community in real life who meet face-to-face.

Like for me, before I was even in a relationship, I was involved in a Christian community and those individuals helped me to cement and strengthen my views on sexual purity and helped me to stay strong. I had people who were talking the same language. They were kind. They were loving. We were transparent with one another. We were vulnerable. We also prayed for one another. This is the kind of community that you want because you cannot be alone in this journey.

When I was on a mission trip, we did a study based on the book “The Bride Wore White Seven Secrets, the Sexual Purity” by Dannah Gresh. I would highly recommend this book and its accompanying workbook.

Additionally, I would like to invite you to join my 90-day purity challenge. As soon as you sign up here, I will send you weekly emails within that time period including Scriptures for you to study, my own personal stories in my quest in sexual purity or stories from other women.

Summary

Although it may seem a challenge to overcome sexual temptation in this day and age, you can win this fight. As a Christian, you can be successful at being sexually pure. The journey might be long, but I am certain that Jesus can help you to deal with sexual temptation.

To recap,

• Here are some tips on how to handle sexual temptation:
  1. Making up your mind.
  2. Know what the Bible says about sexual purity.
  3. Determine your boundaries in dating.
  4. Surround yourself with a like-minded community.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

6 Lies About Sex Before Marriage (and the Truth)

How to Stop Having Sex with Your Boyfriend 

4 Really Poor Reasons for Choosing Celibacy

Recommended Books:

And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

And the Bride Wore White Companion Guide: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

Let Me be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite E-Reader

Yesterday was Amy’s 40th birthday. When a significant birthday like the big “40” comes around, it is normal to do meaningful introspection. As Amy evaluates her life, she is saddened that she’s still unmarried. What could be the problem? Why is she not meeting any suitable single Christian men?

Could it be her current communities are limiting her to meeting single eligible bachelors? While she believes in trusting God to connect her with her future husband, she needs to think soberly about her situation.

Amy concludes that she will have to courageously come out of her comfort zone and seek to actively meet new people, especially single Christian men.

Ladies, here are three facts:-

1. Single Christian men have lives outside of the four walls of a church.
2. There are still GOOD single Christian adult men available.
3. While not all single Christian women will get married, it doesn’t not necessarily follow that you have to be one of them.

Do you need to meet more single Christian men?

Here are 9 suggestions on how to meet new Christian guys:-

1) Get a new hobby or explore a new interest.

There are thousands of hobbies under the sun! As the years progress, more will pop up because we, human beings, are simply creative like our Creator God.

Therefore, practically speaking, if you want to new guys, you may want to explore a new hobby or get involved in a project or become an active volunteer.

What interest or hobby would you like to explore next?

2) Join a community with persons who share that hobby or interest.

There’s a community for nearly every hobby/interest under the sun! Whatever you’re interested in, there’s a community for that … whether locally, regionally or internationally.

My experience …

Since the pandemic, my husband and I have been doing a bit of gardening. Now, I’m in 3 large WhatsApp groups which have connected me to over 2400 new people. A whole new world of people (and potential friends) have opened up for me. And I am certain that there are single eligible Christian bachelors who are into gardening. I’m just letting you know the possibility exists.

Communities where new Christian guys can be found:-

• Gardening or agriculture communities
• Sporting/Fitness communities
• Music communities
• “Protect The Environment” communities
• Missions communities
• Construction/DIY/Woodworking/Plumbing/etc. communities
• Animal Lovers communities
• Professional/Business communities
• Travel communities
• And many more!

if you’re like my former single self and you continue to surround yourself with mainly your single female friends, your family members, your married friends and your church community which is sadly lacking eligible bachelors, you will most likely remain single. Just telling you plainly!

3) Become active in the community.

In order to meet new guy to the point where you get to know one another, then your level of engagement in the community has to increase. You MUST become visible!

• Engage in the posts.
• Give advice relevant to the hobby/interest.
• Share your knowledge.
• Be teachable.
• Be an encourager.
• Be a cheerleader.

Before you know it, you will be making friends with other community members. I would advise making friends with the young, the old, other women, other men, etc. You never know who will be the link between you and your future husband!

4) Have a recent and attractive photo of yourself for your profile.

We live in an age where having a profile photo is the norm. Instead of leaving your profile photo “blank” or placing a photo of your fish , why not make it a point of connection?

If your new community has an online arm, I am almost certain that single men, even Christian men, will take a look at your photo if your community engagement is winsome. They would be like, “I wonder what she looks like.” And if the new guy likes your photo, he will be paying extra attention to your posts and even look up your social media profiles to learn more about you.

5) If a respectable guy sends you a personal message, be kind and helpful.

Whether online or in person, if a new guy is interested in knowing you better, he will reach out to you in some form or fashion. He may reply to your comment or ask for your advice or offer his assistance.

If he’s respectful, respond kindly …even if you may not be interested in him. You just never know if your interest in him might grow or he will be talking about you to his best friend who might be just the type of man you’ve been praying about.

6) Show up in person for community events or projects.

Don’t restrict your community involvement to having an online presence! If there are in-person meet ups or projects, go! Look your absolute best, but ensure that you fit in. For instance, I wouldn’t dress in stiletto heels and my Sunday-best dress to help plant a community garden!

7) Use video when your community has online meetings.

In-person meetings are still the best way to really get to know someone. However, online meetings can also be an important step toward connection.

Therefore, whenever you have the opportunity to attend online meetings where participants’ videos can be turned on, resist the urge to leave your video off!

Even if you’re online, you can still take a shower; spritz on a little perfume; style your hair, etc. If you feel good about yourself, you will come across as more attractive even through a screen.

Here are some other tips:-

• Have a pleasant smile.
• Resist frowning.
• Give constructive input if you are given the opportunity.
• Listen to the input of others.
• Be vocally supportive of others instead of being argumentative on every point.
• Be positive!

8) Be pleasant and friendly, online and in person.

Men respond VERY WELL to smiling, friendly women. Therefore, make it a point to smile with others until it becomes who you are. If you say you have the joy of the Lord, why not show it? Too many Christian single women are way too intense! Loosen up and be the type of woman that people like to be around.

Even if you have a doctorate and you’re the most intelligent person in the room, your demeanor matters if you want to be inviting to new guys. Disarm them with a winsome smile! It never fails!

9) Represent Christ well!

A sober-thinking level-headed mature Christian man will look beyond your appearance or your academic qualifications or your social status. He wants a Christian woman who is genuinely growing in her relationship with God which will undoubtedly be seen in her character.

You’re not perfect, but your inner being will gradually inform your outward character. So, while you’re single, make it your main priority to grow in your relationship with God. It is truly the best investment of your time.

Summary

Single Christian men are everywhere! You may have no options of single eligible Christian men in your current Christian community, but they are out there. However, you need to be intentional about meeting new people, especially new guys.

Thus, seek to make friends and represent Christ well in whatever community you may find yourself. My challenge to you is to join a new community within this year. If you’re at a loss, pray about it and ask the Lord to guide you.

Also, remember to keep your desire for marriage before God in prayer. Pray for your future husband regularly. Although you’re “widening the net”, it is still the Lord who will connect you with your future husband because He’s the Sovereign One who has your best interest at heart.

To recap,

Here are 9 suggestions on how to meet new guys:-

• Get a new hobby or explore a new interest.
• Join a community with persons who share that hobby/interest.
• Become active in the community.
• Have a recent and attractive photo of yourself for your profile.
• If a respectable guy sends you a personal message, be kind and helpful.
• Show up in person for community events or projects.
• Use video when your community has online meetings.
• Be pleasant and friendly, online and in person.
• Represent Christ well!

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Ways Your Community Helps You Find Your Husband

5 Tips To Make Yourself Look Great Online

4 Essential Tips While You Wait to be Married

10 Practical Ways to Improve Your Chances of Meeting the One

Recommended Books:

Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar

Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men: Understand His Mind And Capture His Heart by by Sabrina Alexis & Eric Charles 

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

If you’ve been a believer for any length of time, you might have already experienced the hurt from at least one other Christian. If you’re a new believer, just expect it.

Why would a fellow Christian hurt you? It happens because we are all still in process. No believer is perfect. Undoubtedly, you will also be the person to hurt other believers as well.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. – Colossians 3:13-14

Here are a few tips when a fellow Christian hurts you:

1) Acknowledge the wrong done.

Call a spade a spade, but ensure that you are evaluating the wrong based on the Word of God. I would not recommend apologising just for the sake of making peace. Neither you nor the person will grow. Truth is what sets us free and not “coverups.”

If the conflict arose because of a difference of opinion, let it slide.

2) Forgive the person.

You might be saying, “That’s easier said than done.” It is downright difficult at times, but I can assure you that God helps with the impossible when we are willing.

In my life, I have experienced having a hard heart toward different people … from family to friends to co-workers to acquaintances. Then, I would pray a simple prayer to God like this, “Lord, I know I need to forgive XXXXX, so please help me. Pour the love of God into my heart through your Holy Spirit (based on Romans 5:5)”. I kid you not. Without fail, God begins to melt my heart toward the other person.

I have found that the key to living a supernatural life is having a willingness to obey God, whether I feel like it or not, whether it makes sense to me or not. After you surrender your will to God, depend on the Holy Spirit’s help you to live out His Word in your life.

3) Determine your part in the conflict.

With the help of the Holy Spirit, ask Him to show you your part in the conflict. “It takes two to tango.” A conflict is rarely one-sided. For example, it may mean that you want to be a people-pleaser so much, that you have little or no boundaries in your relationships.

Perhaps, the other person was initially in the wrong, but your reaction was poor. You gave into your flesh. Have you ever felt that you should keep quiet, but something in you says, “Say it, Say it!” Oftentimes, that is your flesh speaking!

Or, you decide to give the person the silent treatment. You know it’s not kind or loving, but you allow your flesh to control you rather than the Spirit of the living God.

This reminds me of the account concerning Cain in Genesis 4:7.

“Why are you angry,” said the LORD to Cain, “and why has your countenance fallen? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you refuse to do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires you, but you must master it.” – Genesis 4:7

What then is the solution to mastering your fleshly tendencies? Seek to walk in the Spirit continually!

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” Galatians 5:16-17

4) Be gracious.

It is a big misconception that a person becomes perfect (or close to it) after coming to Christ. Intellectually, we know it’s not possible, but we still expect all Christians to behave like saints all the time.

We don’t expect a Christian to lie.

We don’t expect a Christian to be unkind.

We don’t expect a Christian to manipulate.

We don’t expect a Christian to be abusive.

And on and on ….

However, the process of sanctification is a lifelong process. In a strange way, we expect others to be gracious to us when we offend them, but we are often less willing to be merciful and gracious when we are the recipient of bad or unfair behaviour from our Christian brothers and sisters. (Read The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18:21-35.)

I would never recommend becoming a doormat. I believe that we should all strive to become healthier Christians, while at the same time, having a heart and mind to be patient with others as they mature in their faith because other Christians are also on a journey to maturity.

5) God is using the situation to mature you.

Believe it or not, every time you have a conflict, it’s an opportunity for you to become more like Christ. A person can know the Bible inside and out; be in full-time ministry; demonstrate supernatural gifts of the Spirit (you can add more), but if he/she has great difficulty loving people, the person has a lot more maturing to do.

“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:14

When you’re in a conflict with another believer, seek the Holy Spirit to find out what God might be saying to you about Himself, yourself, the other person and the Body of Christ. Don’t allow the situation to make you bitter, but allow it to grow your love for God and other Christians. That’s only possible with the help of God.

At this time, God might be simply asking you to lift the brother or sister in prayer or He might be leading you to talk to the person or take another course of action.

If you have a tendency to retreat and take abuse, maybe God might be asking you to develop a back bone and speak the truth in love to the other person.

If you’re always quick to give a person a tongue lashing, God might be asking you to hold your tongue; pray constantly; and allow Him to fight for you.

I have no clue what God might be saying to you, but I am confident that He is able to guide you. Saturate yourself in His Word; be still; and listen to what He might be saying to you. Seek Him for direction for each step of the journey. But reconciliation is the way forward.

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35 ESV

Summary

Brace yourself! Conflicts will arise! You will get hurt over and over again by fellow Christians. As a matter of fact, if you marry a Christian man, you will have to learn to forgive as a way of life. But, you can grow more mature if you allow God to enter your process. I pray that you will not become cold and hard, but instead become more and more like Jesus.

To recap,

Here are a few tips when a fellow Christian hurts you:

• Acknowledge the wrong done.
• Forgive the person.
• Determine your part in the conflict.
• Be gracious.
• God is using the situation to mature you.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

8 Tips to Become Better and NOT Bitter After Heartbreak

How to Carefully Choose a Close Female Friend | 5 Tips

7 Ways A Close Female Friend Can Prepare You For Marriage

Recommended Books:

Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald

Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortlund

Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness: A Revive Our Hearts Trilogyby Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

I had conversations with two men and they shared two stories that gave me further insights into the way men think. Both stories had a similar theme … the coldness of a woman.

Case 1: “Henry” and “Jill”

“Henry” had an accident and “Jill”, his former girlfriend, showed no sympathy although she was present at the scene. She continued having a merry time, while “Henry” was in agony and attended to by others. Although she probably had no expert training in dealing with the matter, she should have at least come to his side and show that she cared about him. The relationship did not last.

Case 2: “Javed” and “Sarah”

“Javed” was dating “Sarah”, a beautiful Christian woman. The problem with “Sarah” is that she showed no tenderness of heart or care toward “Javed”. She never even initiated a call to ask of his well-being and she prioritised her friends above him … every single time. He was always the one to communicate with her. I am definitely an advocate for a man pursuing a woman, but at the same time, he is a human being who also needs to know that he is special to the woman he is dating. A man has a heart too!

Lessons to learn

A right-thinking man is looking for a nurturing woman. He’s asking himself the following questions:

• “Would she care for me?”
• “Can she love me?”
• “Does she have the capacity to lovingly nurture our future children?”
• “Would she treat my parents well, especially as they age?”

A “cold” woman may be a very hurt woman. If you are deeply wounded, then I would suggest taking the time to heal before you even attempt to engage a man’s heart. However, if you are a very selfish woman, then you need consider (and follow) the example of our Lord Jesus Christ.

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

Here’s how to practically show care for 3 types of men in your life:-

1) A man who is only a friend:

1. Find out how he is doing from time to time.
2. Ask him about his prayer requests.
3. Enquire about the well-being of his family.
4. If you bake a cheesecake (for example) and you know it is his favourite dessert, share a slice with him.

2) A man with whom you’re in a relationship:

1. Follow tips 1-3 from above.
2. Bake him a delicious dessert or cook a meal for him like on special occasions.
3. If he’s ill or injured, promptly show your care for him. For example, if he has the common cold, perhaps you can take a little soup for him (homemade or store-bought). Furthermore, check on his progress sporadicly.
4. Make time to spend with him (not every waking moment though!)
5. Sincerely encourage him with your words … regularly. (Look out for my “Awaken His Love” guide which will be available for purchase!)
6. Show love to him based on his primary love language, but please be appropriate since he’s not your husband as yet!

3) A man who who your former boyfriend:

1. Call him once in a “blue moon” to find out how he is doing.
2. Send him a message on his birthday and for Christmas and maybe New Year’s Day.

That’s all, folks! (After all, he’s no longer your boyfriend!)

Keep this interaction to a minimum if you don’t want sparks to be rekindled. Also, if he has another special lady in this life, you want to respect their relationship.

Summary

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; …” Colossians 3:12

Do you come across as a warm caring person or a cold-hearted woman? Do you have emotional scars on your heart and need our Saviour’s healing touch? If yes, how can you seek help from others (like a counsellor)?

What is one kind gesture you can do to a male friend to show the love of Christ this week?

To recap,

Here’s how to practically show care for 3 types of men in your life:-

• A man who is only a friend.
• A man with whom you’re in a relationship.
• A man who who your former boyfriend.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Top 5 Turn-offs for Single Men

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

5 Undeniable Signs A Man is Not Ready for You

Recommended Books:

Beating the Break-Up Habit by Dick Purnell

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature by Peter Scazzero

For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by by Shaunti Feldhahn

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite