4 Habits You Need to Break Before Getting Married

I was single for a long time and married later in life. During those years, I discipled over 100 women, lived with 16 different roommates, and traveled the world. While being single allows for incredible growth, it also provides a lot of time to get “set in your ways.”

The truth is, the longer you stay single, the easier it is to develop traits that can unintentionally sabotage a future marriage. I learned some of these the hard way! If you want to attract a godly man and build a thriving, Christ-centered marriage, here are four habits you need to start addressing today.

Here are 4 Habits You Need to Break Before Getting Married:

1) Avoid Being Controlling.

When you’ve run your own life, managed your own finances, and curated your own space for years, you become an expert at “doing you.” You have systems that work!

But when a man enters the picture, he isn’t a project to be managed—he is his own person with his own ideas. For a marriage to thrive, you have to make room for his wisdom and his way of doing things.

• The Shift: Instead of demanding he adapt to your “perfect” efficiency, be willing to adopt his influence.
• The Benefit: Just like a new hire brings fresh life to an organization, a husband brings new perspectives that can take your life to a level you couldn’t reach alone.

2) Ditch the “Neat Freak” Perfectionism.

Most men appreciate an orderly home, but living in a “museum” can make a husband feel like he’s in a straight jacket. I had a blind spot here myself until a cousin told me I was exhausting to be around because I was always “cleaning up” after guests while they were still there!

If you spend all your energy on a squeaky-clean house, you might find you have:

• No energy left for intimacy.
• No mental space to actually listen to your husband.
• A “harassed” attitude instead of a joyful one.

Priority Check: Most men would prefer a sumptuous meal and a calm, happy wife over a perfectly dusted house.

3) Don’t Be Selfish with Your Space.

When you’re single, your bed is yours, your remote is yours, and your routine is yours. But according to Matthew 19:5-6, the two become one flesh.

” … and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:5-6 ESV

This oneness extends to your belongings and your finances. In a Christ-centered marriage, “my money” and “your money” eventually becomes our resources for God’s glory.

“Selfishness is the greatest enemy of marriage.” I heard this quote at a marriage conference and it has stuck with me.

Start practicing generosity now. Whether it’s sharing your time or your space, start breaking the habit of “mine.”

4) Fight Inflexibility.

A healthy marriage requires constant adaptation. Unless your husband is asking you to sin, you should be open to change for the good of the relationship.

Marriage requires flexibility in:

• Meeting needs: Learning to prioritize his wants alongside yours.
• Embracing change: Realizing the man you marry will be different in 10 years (and so will you!).
• Adjusting expectations: Letting go of the “fairytale” diet fed to us by entertainment and embracing the beautiful, sometimes messy, reality of a God-ordained covenant.

Action Steps: How to Prepare Now

If you feel yourself becoming a bit too rigid, here are three ways to practice flexibility while you’re still single:

1. Get a Roommate: Living with someone who isn’t family is the best “marriage prep.” It forces you to navigate different personalities and compromise on living standards.
2. Practice “People over Projects”: When guests are over, resist the urge to wash the dishes immediately. Sit down, leave the mess, and value the conversation.
3. Show Hospitality: Open your home. Invite friends and family over. Practice being a blessing to others in your personal space.

Summary

Singleness is a gift, and it is a season to be cherished. But if you desire marriage, don’t let your independence turn into a wall that no one can climb over. Stay humble, stay flexible, and keep your heart centered on the Word of God.

Want more tips on becoming a woman of Godly influence? [Download my free “Irresistible Godly Woman Checklist” here!] (Link to your freebie)

To recap,

Here are 4 Habits to Break Before You Say “I Do”:

1. Avoid Being Controlling.
2. Ditch the “Neat Freak” Perfectionism.
3. Don’t Be Selfish with Your Space.
4. Fight Inflexibility.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

4 Essential Tips While You Wait to be Married

Recommended Books:

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You And Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Changes that Heal: Four Practical Steps to. Happier Healthier You by Henry Cloud

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite