Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life

As a young girl, you never went looking for it, but porn found you. Maybe it was a friend who sent you an image via the phone. Or perhaps, you found a pornographic magazine well-hidden among books while you were cleaning the book shelf. Or you went over to a friend’s house and watched a movie with racy scenes that aroused you. Porn and the single Christian woman … is it okay?

It slowly takes over…

Those first feelings were new to you, but your body felt so great. But after those sensations, you were left with emotions of guilt and shame. Yet, you couldn’t shake the images or the feelings in your body, so you went back for more.

It has begun to overtake you. After each episode, you confess your sins to God. You tell God, ‘I will never do it again.’ However, your repentant phase is short-lived. You eagerly anticipate when you can be alone again to get another high. You are becoming addicted to porn.

Before you know it, you find yourself wanting more, seeking more, and your tastes are changing. Your appetite is growing for more daring, more racier scenes. You are shamed, and scared of the kind of content you now consume.

No one knows…but you and God.

Anyway, it’s not like you’re having real sex. You’re safe. You cannot get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD). You’re not doing anyone harm. It’s just you and your thoughts.

Somehow, that doesn’t make you feel any better about this ‘cancer’ that has now invaded your entire life.

Sometimes, you wonder if you’re even a Christian. Do Christian women struggle with porn? You’ve heard that men have porn addictions but you rarely hear about women confessing addiction to porn. How can this be happening to you?

You’re not alone.

Countless Christian women struggle with porn addiction. Many of them are breaking the silence in the hopes of helping other women become free.

In my pre-teens, I was exposed to pornographic images when we got new neighbors. They had a son who was probably in his late teens or early twenties who showed us magazines. From then on, my struggle began! It was on and off, but it caused guilt and shame. I was like on a never-ending cycle of defeat. Or so I thought. Check out next week’s article on how I overcame once and for all! You can too!

Startling statistics

In 2018, the largest porn site reported over 28,500,000,000 site visits. Something has gone horribly wrong. Porn addiction is not only a man’s problem. Both men and women are sexual beings and as such, sexually graphic images can be a hook for women as well. 18% of young women view porn at least once a week. Some of whom are Christian young women.

Four main reasons why porn has grown astronomically in recent years:

1) The internet has made pornography easily accessible to anyone with a smartphone, tablet, or computer. That’s just about everyone except babies. Even young children have tablets these days.

2) Videos have the power to stamp an image on our minds forever and create strong neural pathways. With the constant and abundant supply of porn videos available, a person can literally consume videos for 24-hours non-stop with no repeats. Anyone can create a video with very little skill, effort or financial cost.

3) Free, free and free. A person doesn’t have to pay to view porn videos. Whether a person has money or no money, they can have access.

4) It is more secretive than in the past. With the advent of smartphones, a person can have the pleasure of watching anything secretly. Anyone can easily maneuver parental controls, delete browser history, and delete search engine entries to keep the secret for as long as possible.

How porn can enter your life

Let us not be deceived. Porn can weave its ugly head into our lives in many ways. Below, I have listed the most popular entrances of porn into our lives:

• Magazines
• Apps
• Video games
• Books
• Our own thoughts…can’t leave this one out.
• Sex talk
• Engaging in porn acts or behavior
• Art
• Committing pornography by wearing revealing clothing or no clothing (yes…in public!)
• Cybersex
• Webcam sex
• Sexting
• Photographs

It is believed by some people, even Christians, that porn is harmless and it is simply allowing humans to understand and embrace our sexuality. To them, it is nothing more than sex education.

I totally disagree. This form of sex education is actually destroying the beauty and sacredness of sex. Research is showing that an alarming number of young men and young women cannot perform sexually to a real life partner. When I was doing this research, I literally felt like crying because of the damages that porn addiction is wreaking on the lives of women and men alike.

“You have heard it said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Jesus (Matthew 5:27-28)

Your engagement with porn could have started out of curiosity, by accident, sexual abuse, loneliness, feelings of despair or boredom. But I encourage you to deal with it, before it destroys your life.

Here are ten ways that porn can destroy your life:

1) It can cause self-hatred.

When you engage with porn (view or act it out), the session may give you a temporary high. After the high, your feelings about yourself worsens as time goes by. You begin to question your love and devotion to God. You begin to feel like a hypocrite. In porn videos, both men and women (especially women) are viewed as sex objects.

You turn your hatred toward men; you hate being a woman; and you hate being feminine. When you compare yourself with the women in the content, you will tend to become less satisfied with your own physical appearance. Furthermore, you may be tempted to dress seductively and to act out sexually. You’ll feel like you’re two different persons and that sort of double life can ultimately lead to feeling depressed.

Another startling consequence could be seeing other women as sex objects even though you personally have no interest in them. When another woman is being friendly toward you, you cannot help but think that she’s flirting with you. Sadly, porn objectifies women (and men).

2) It can rob you of your life’s purpose.

Addiction steals your time. You can’t get enough of it. Hours upon hours can be spent reading a steaming novel; watching sexually explicit movies; or going from video to video. Time is the most precious resource that we have because once it is gone, it is forever gone.

You may even find that your interest in your career or studies or your dreams begin to waiver as porn takes greater preoccupation in your thoughts. You stop enjoying things that you used to enjoy. What do you gain? You’ll gain a temporary pleasure, but a whole heap of guilt and the sabotage of your dreams.

Of course, God can change our lives and use our testimonies for His glory and for our good. But that occurs if we repent which means a 180 degree turn around. If you don’t, you would have become your own greatest enemy. Recent history is filled with great Christian men and women who didn’t end well because of sexual impropriety. Please don’t let that be your story.

3) It can ruin your reputation.

Have you ever seen one of your Christian friends (or relative) on Facebook accidentally post a porn video? That’s very embarrassing. It might have been purely an accident but it might also give an indication of their viewing habits. The internet has cookies that track our site visits. I’ll be looking at a site unconnected to Amazon.com and the next thing I know, I see a pop-up ad showing the exact dress on Amazon that I was looking at!

One day several years ago, I was talking with a Christian young man. Based on the conversation, he decided to show me a photo on his phone. What he didn’t expect to show me was a nude photo of a woman’s private part. He was utterly ashamed. The glaring truth is that if you don’t get sexual addiction under control, it will ruin your reputation. If you don’t deal with it, everyone will eventually find out without your consent.

4) It can create an incorrect reliance on porn as a coping mechanism.

When you’re stressed and anxious, you go to porn to get your mind off your problems. You train your brain to believe that only porn can help you with anxiety. Porn is a temporary distraction. It can NEVER help you. As a matter of fact, porn will only add to your stress.

You need the help of someone who is actually powerful enough to cause a change in the situation. That person is no one other than God. He said, ‘cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you’ in 1 Peter 5:7.

5) It can hinder a healthy relationship with a real guy.

When porn has a stronghold on you, you will struggle to connect romantically with a real guy. Porn portrays unhealthy relationships in every form. You may have feelings of distrust toward him. Will he want to dominate you? Will he be unfaithful to you?

However, porn also glorifies male dominance, sexual aggression, violence, and infidelity. If you begin to accept this as normal (although common sense tells you differently), you may find yourself more attracted to aggressive hostile abusive men because your value system has become corrupted. Porn will negatively affect your attitude toward men and your relationships with them. It is a disturbing trend that many young women interpret violence toward them, by men, as love.

6) It will harm your fellowship with God.

After a while, you’re wary of your own up-and-down relationship with God. You’re fed up of constantly feeling guilty all the time. The lie that God doesn’t want to have anything to do with you seeps into your mindset. Your fellowship with God grows more and more distant. The truth is God is committed to you and wants to set you free completely.

7) It will damage your future sex life with your husband.

No man will be able to match up to a fantasy. Remember, porn is not the real world. It is fantasy. Women addicted to porn may find that their husbands cannot satisfy them sexually which may lead to no sex, not enough sex, or less than satisfying sex.

Imagine that … sexual explicit videos and images can destroy real physical sex with a human being that you love and who loves you! Women may find that they cannot get aroused by anything but porn which is a sad and growing reality. Porn trains our brains to believe that only porn can arouse us. The women can also think that their husbands view them as sex objects like in any porn content. I’ve heard that sexting gives a different high than actual sex. For those of you who think that marriage will solve your porn problem, it just might not.

If you train yourself to have a quick sexual fix without the emotional attachment, your intimacy with your husband will suffer severely. Sex is like a dance of intimacy and passion between a husband and a wife. It makes more than sex to build a close relationship with your husband and porn doesn’t teach you that. We are more than sexual beings so let’s not short change ourselves for a quick fix.

8) It can hinder true intimacy with your future spouse.

You will likely unreasonably compare him with the gorgeous guys in pornographic material. No one can compete with a fantasy. You’ll be less satisfied with the physical appearance of your spouse and even less confident about your own appearance. Depending on what you view and what you grow to love, you’ll be less content if your real life does not involves certain types of acts that are immoral or unethical.

If you don’t deal with this ‘cancer’ before you get married, what will happen when your husband realizes that you’re consuming porn? You might expect feelings of rejection, jealousy, anger, shame, betrayal, and distrust. It’s only natural for a spouse to have such feelings. Hopefully, he’ll also respond with grace and forgiveness after he gets over the revelation.

9) You can delve into sexual perversion.

Never underestimate the power of sin and where it can take us. If porn is left unchecked and allowed to control you, you may eventually end up with a lifestyle you never thought possible. Many persons never set out to commit adultery; have multiple partners; arrange anonymous hookups; engage in sexual relations with the same sex; become a pedophile; engage in beastiality; or have incestal relations with family members. But porn desensitizes you. You might be saying now, ‘I’ll never do that.’ If you keep up with a porn habit, you’ll be slowly introduced to all variations of hardcore porn.

“Once consumers start viewing extreme and dangerous sex acts, things that they thought were disgusting or degrading can start to seem normal, acceptable, and more common than they really are. One study found that people exposed to significant amounts of porn thought things like sex with animals and violent sex were twice as common as what those not exposed to porn thought. And when people believe a behavior is normal, they’re more likely to try it.” Source: www.fightthenewdrug.org

10) You can stay stuck in a bad relationship.

Due to your self-hate, you may erroneously think that you’re undeserving of a good man. As such, you decide to stay in an unhealthy relationship monthly after month, year after year.   This relationship might also be characterized by sexual abuse.

Final Thoughts

Sometimes, we have to clearly see what we don’t want before we decide to intentionally pursue what we do want. We need to reject self-hatred; the sabotage of our life’s purpose; the ruin of our reputation; incorrect reliance on porn as a coping mechanism; unhealthy romantic relationships; harm to our relationship with God; damage to our future sex life; destruction of our future marriage; sexual perversion; and bondage to a bad relationship.

God wants the best for you. He doesn’t want to see us guilt-ridden, ashamed, defeated, obsessed, and destroying our lives. He wants to be totally free from all obsessions and be filled with unspeakable joy. I’ve experienced freedom and you can too. Check out next week’s post on how to overcome any form of sexual addiction.

What other detrimental effects of porn have you discovered through experience or observation? Please comment below. If you want to communicate with me directly, click subscribe. I’ll send you weekly email tips to encourage you in developing your relationship with God and others. You’ll also receive a free ‘Know Yourself’ Questionnaire.

Related articles:

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

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With love,

Kimberly

Resources:

Surfing for God by Michael Cusick

Websites – www.puredesire.org and www.faithfulandtrue.com

The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn

Every Young Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn

Covenant Eyes

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