Adultery among Christians happens. As a single Christian woman, what can you do to not commit adultery with your male married friend?

I was reading a post by a single Christian woman on Christian social media group and the responses were very interesting. The wife of her male best friend has asked her to stop sending regular private messages to her husband. The young lady is feeling hurt by the wife’s request.

Most of the responses were:

• The wife is insecure.
• The couple is having marital problems so she shouldn’t feel rejected and hurt by the wife’s request.
• She is more attractive than the wife so the wife must be jealous. (It should be noted that the people responding have no clue what the wife looks like).
• The young lady believes that the wife is being sexist. If she were a man, she would have had no problem with the husband’s private texting with his best friend.

Committed followers of Jesus do not plan to commit adultery.

A heterosexual male will not be attracted to another man, so there is certainly no need for a wife to worry about marital unfaithfulnesses with another man. On the other hand, a friendship with a female friend can very well mature into a romance!

We have enough examples throughout history to support this. So please do not be naive about your friendships with your married male friends.

Adultery can creep up on you.

Adultery happens subtly. For the most part, it happens between two people who already know one another – a co-worker, a boss, a high school sweetheart who has reconnected with you, your friend’s husband, your married pastor, etc. The privacy of communication through a cell phone makes it easier than ever before to build intimacy without anyone knowing. Undoubtedly, adultery starts long before any sexually act occurs.

“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 ESV

You may not be romantically interested in married man now, but under the “right” circumstances, it is actually possible to fall in love with a married male friend (or vice versa) and commit adultery.

Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” 1 Corinthians 10:12

Solution: Implement boundaries now.

When you can think soberly, put proper boundaries in place.

Here are 7 reasons to implement boundaries to not commit adultery:

1. Protect your Christian witness.
2. Protect the marriages of those in your life.
3. Prevent you from falling when you feel vulnerable and tempted to give into your fleshly desires. This also applies to your close male friend.
4. Ensure that you do your part to ensure that the marriages around you are the strongest that they can be.
5. Give no suspicion of marital infidelity to the children involved. This can really traumatise and damage children.
6. Protect the trust between the husband and wife and the resulting security that trust produces in a marriage.
7. Strengthen your relationship with your friend’s wife.

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Here are 6 tips to not commit adultery with your married male friend:

1. Encourage him to be best friends with his wife.

When a couple marries, they should be moving toward oneness in every area of their lives. The relationship between the man and the woman should be the most intimate relationship in each of their lives. Hence, it should take precedence over every other relationship whether it be with a parent, a child, a sibling or a former best friend.

Therefore, it follows that a move toward oneness would mean that they should become each other’s best friend in time. As such, if your male best friend gets married to another woman, it is important that you take a “back seat“.

2. Limit your private communication with your male friend.

At times, you may need to talk with your male friend one-to-one. It might be necessary work-related conversations; a birthday call; a checking-up-on-you call because you care about your friend; tech advice, etc. However, when regular private calls begin to last for hours and the conversations morph into sharing deeply about struggles; issues that either of you are facing; or problems with his wife; then you need to take a step back.

At this point, encourage him to talk with his wife, his brother, his sister, his spiritual leader, a coach, a brother or even a counsellor. For certain, help him to move toward his wife and not you. Please do not think that you’re the only one in the entire world that he can trust with his issues.

3. Try to become closer friends with his wife.

Focus your energy into befriending your friend’s wife. When you call the house, ask to speak with her first from time to time. Take an interest in her and secure her trust. She must feel and know that you are for her and for him. If this is proving difficult, pray about it and ask God to give you wisdom in navigating such a friendship with her. Undoubtedly, the wife should not feel that you are her competition … in any way!

4. Limit the times you are alone with him.

You are not a super Christian. Too many Christians naively place themselves in harm’s way and think that they are stronger than they really are. Then, they fall! If you have more than an ounce of admiration for him and he thinks highly of you, it is better to limit your times when it’s just two of you alone together.

Now, even is he is your friend and there is no attraction whatsoever, it is still wise to protect your Christian witness. Contrary to what some Christians believe, you do not live for yourself alone. Life is not about you. Your choices will impact what others think about Christ. As such, others are looking at your life to decide if Christ makes a difference or not.

“So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil.” Romans 14:16 ESV

‘For, as it is written, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”’ Romans 2:24 ESV

For instance, my deceased pastor left his office door opened when he was counselling. This measure was to safeguard his character, the character of the person being counselled and ultimately, the name of Christ. Never once was it said that he behaved inappropriately with anyone. He gave no opportunity for the anyone to assassinate his character or the mighty name of God.

5. Dress appropriately.

I don’t know if we, women, understand the extent of a man’s natural inclination to become sexually aroused by a woman’s body… simply by looking. Since we are not men, it is difficult for us to sympathise and restrict our sensual desire to show the world our shapeliness and our sexiness. After-all, “why men cannot control themselves?.” But God understands (since He made the male man), so He made it very clear in His Word that we should dress modestly.

“… likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10

Therefore, if you truly love your male friend and you want to protect his marriage, please dress modestly. Instead, “adorn yourself with good works.”

Suppose you get invited to spend the night at your married friend’s house, here are some practical tips:

1. Leave your sexy revealing lingerie and see-through silky robe at home.
2. Don’t go from the bathroom to the guest room wrapped in your towel.
3. Don’t seek to have alone time with your male friend. Make it a family affair. Include his wife in the conversations.
4. Watch your mannerisms and bury any flirtatious inclinations that you might have toward men in general.

Behave in a manner that you would expect from a female invited guest around your future husband.

6. Discern if attraction is developing.

You’re a woman and he’s a man. Attraction could develop. If you sense that you’re becoming attracted to a married man, reduce your interactions with him until you can handle those emotions well. Don’t fool yourself under any circumstances.

On the other hand, if you sense that he’s becoming attracted to you, then put some distance between you two. Just because he’s married, it doesn’t mean that he will not be attracted to another woman ever again in life.

Summary

As Christians, we must daily die to self to glorify Christ in our lives. It is not easy, but very possible and satisfying when we choose to act in the highest interest of our married friends. You may not plan to commit adultery, but it can happen if you’re not careful.

Instead of saying, “I wish I had”, I hope you’ll be saying, “I’m glad I did.” Implement these boundaries and you’ll have a good chance of not committing adultery and protecting the marriages around you.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

In what ways can you protect the marriages around you? Comment below!

To recap, here are 6 tips to not commit adultery with your married male friend:

1. Encourage him to be best friends with his wife.
2. Limit your private communication with your male friend.
3. Try to become closer friends with his wife.
4. Restrict the times you are alone with him.
5. Dress appropriately.
6. Discern if attraction is developing.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

When He Loves Someone Else – 7 Clever Tips to Move On

When Your Best Friend Gets Married | 6 Tips to Keep Your Friendship Alive

When Your Ex Boyfriend Has a New Girlfriend | 7 Tips to Cope Well

Recommended Books:

Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry B Jenkins

Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty by Dannah Gresh

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post How to Not Commit Adultery with Your Male Friend appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Here are the top 3 tantalizing temptations that single women face:

​1) Temptation 1: Marrying a non-believer.

A hard-working intelligent ambitious drop-dead gorgeous guy may enter your life. There’s only one problem. He’s not a Christian. But the good thing is that he will respect your religion.  The end goal of life is not to marry. Rather, it is to love God with our entire being which translates into obedience.

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​“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. “ John 14:15

Here is what usually happens …

First, you start off with wanting a husband who walks securely and intimately with Christ. Then, as you realize that no such man is pursuing you, you might be drawn to the man who bears some resemblance of being religious OR someone who will respect and tolerate your beliefs in Christ.

An unbeliever comes in many shapes and sizes, but they are all still square pegs trying to fit into your round hole. You can force it, but in the end, you will realize it wasn’t the best choice. Take it from me, singleness is better than disobeying God and marrying an unbeliever. It is not in your best interest (or his!).

Confession: I did date an unbeliever once and he was mighty “fine”.

​2) Temptation 2: Having sex before marriage.

Yes, you have sexual needs. You’re wondering, “Why would God make you a sexual being if He didn’t want you to have sex?”  He definitely wants you to have sex – when you are married!  His order is marriage and then sex. Undoubtedly, God has designed sex for married couples to experience oneness.

You do not need to “fuse” with any man other than your husband (in the security of a covenant relationship).

As a single woman, He has given You His grace and the self-control to keep pure through the power of His Holy Spirit. Regardless of your past sexual experiences, God can keep you if and when you say, “I do”.

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18

Your sexual desires might have already been awakened to varying degrees based on what you have seen, thought or acted upon. The enemy has waged a war against our purity and has taken a good footing on the mind and experiences of Christians, starting from a very early age.

However, God desires our purity because He is pure and holy. With the help of His Holy Spirit and the Word of God, you can conquer every temptation to indulge in any form of sexual sin. I personally can attest to the power of God in being able to choose purity. Even if you have already engaged in sex in some form, you can choose to abstain until you get married. If you never get married, God can sustain you. God’s grace and power is real and available to you.

3) Temptation 3: Having a child before marriage (for unmarried singles with no children).

(If you unintentionally had a child before marriage, then is not to make you feel guilty. Provide the best for the child you have!)

You’re getting older and you want a child. Another temptation single women face is the urgency to have a child before her child-bearing days end. Currently, there are alternatives to having a child without having sexual relations with a man, with the added bonus of selecting your “ideal” sperm donor.

However, you need to also ask the following questions:

• Is this God’s order?
• Is it in your best interest?
• Will this action glorify God?
• Is it the most loving thing you can do for a child?

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God doesn’t give commands and establishes order because He’s bored and has nothing else to do with His time. He does it because He is wise, loving, intelligent, and purposeful. I know many wonderful single Christian mothers, but each one would prefer that there was a godly loving husband to play a significant role in fathering the child.

Why men are important in families …

Parenting was never designed to be one way by one parent. It is tough when a parent has died. For a child to lose a parent because of death is heartbreaking enough. But for a child to grow up without a father who is alive and well, but very absent is inconceivably grievous and agonizing for a child. No amount of justification will be able to help a child to fill that hole in his/her own soul.

For the most part, children blame themselves for the absence of their biological father.  Let’s not do this to God’s precious creation on purpose. Although a single mother can try her very best to be an exceptional parent, she will never ever be able to take the place of a father who is absent.

Also, you need a husband for your own sanity. Many mothers with young children often comment that they cannot even go to “pee” in privacy! Taking a simple shower is likened to a spa…. a rare opportunity to be pampered.

You are doing yourself a major injustice to willingly have a child before marriage. Please love yourself (and the child) enough to refrain!

Why we need fathers …

This issue is gaining traction as society loses sight of the importance of fathers in the family unit. God has a purpose for every institution He has created including the family. Just as a woman cannot have a child without the sperm of a man, the child cannot be fully healthy without the presence and input of a loving father.

Father-figures can be helpful, but children would always question the absence of their own biological father.  The best thing you can do for a child is to give him/her a father who is actively involved in his/her life. A man gives more than a sperm.  A father gives stability, correction, courage, confidence, wisdom, value to a girl/woman, strength to a young boy/man and the list goes on. A father’s role will never become insignificant and no mother, however well-meaning or loving she is, can replace a child’s father.

Suggestion: How about being like Amy Carmichael (a single Christian missionary) and use your natural nurturing strength to mother orphans?

I probably stepped on some toes here!

Summary

You do not have to give into those temptations. I encourage you to surrender your singleness to God and allow Him to add value to this powerful and purposeful season. It is possible to be content; wait on God’s timing; and submit to His plan for your life. His desire will always be to provide you with a full and meaningful life (John 10:10). Will you trust His heart toward you? I pray that you will do! You will not regret it.

To recap, here are the top 3 tantalizing temptations that single women face:

​1) Temptation 1: Marrying a non-believer.

2) Temptation 2: Having sex before marriage.

3) Temptation 3: Having a child before marriage (for unmarried singles with no children).

Among the three temptations that I mentioned, which do you think is the most seductive? What do you think are some other temptations single women face? Comment below!

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Should You Consider Marrying an Unbeliever?

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

The post Top 3 Tantalizing Temptations Single Women Face appeared first on Petals Bloom.

In my teenage years, I remember reading a magazine article and the author suggested that, based on research, 27 would be a good age to marry.  “Aha! That is what I will work towards!” I secretly said to myself. To enhance my dream life, I added 6 children (probably influenced by some movie)! 

I thought I was heading toward that goal when I entered my first relationship near the end of my college years.   Then, we broke up after a very long courtship.  For 13 years thereafter, my landscape of love resembled a dry blistering dessert, filled with disappointments.  My dream wedding at age 27 and my 6 beautiful children faded away as I trudged through this desert, devoid of any oasis of romance. 

However, my long wait wasn’t in vain.  It tested me to my very core. Check out my “Is Marriage an Idol?” self-assessment!

Have you been waiting long as well? 

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4 

Here are 6 tests that a long wait for a husband reveals about you:

1) Obedience test – Will you choose to be obedient?  

Or, will you take matters into your own hands?  Would you be faithful to God or would you give into temptation to do what is right in your own eyes?

The longer you remain single, you will face the obedience test.  Your choice will be to obey God or give into the pressures of our culture or even your own desires.  

Here are the 3 top temptations that you may face as a single Christian woman:

• Marrying an unbeliever (or even a worldly Christian).
• Giving into sexual immorality. 
• Intentionally having a child before marriage.

2) Character test – Will you become more Christ-like?

When you have been waiting long, it tests your character.  

Here are some character-related decisions that you might face:

• Choosing to surrender your desires versus choosing to give into the desires of your flesh.
• Developing a grateful heart versus complaining regularly that God is withholding the one thing in life that you want the most.
• Using your words and body to serve and glorify God versus using them to trap men like the wayward woman in Proverbs 7.
• Dressing modestly so that men will be curious about your heart or dressing in a seductive manner where all men (even Christian men) will be tempted to think ONLY sexual thoughts of you.
• Conducting yourself where people around you know that you’re a christian by your words and actions versus living in a way where a person will only know you’re a Christian because you say that you are one.

Being single is the season of life where you can choose to follow Christ wholeheartedly.  It is an opportunity to draw others to Christ by your Christian witness, which goes a lot deeper than mere talk.

3) Idol test – Is God the love of your life?

Ask yourself the question – “If I were to never get married and have children, would I faithfully follow Christ until my last breath?”  What emotion(s) do you feel as you ask that question?

Sincerely search your heart.  But even better than that, ask the Holy Spirit to show you the truth.  Also, you can take my “Is marriage an idol?” self-assessment to see where you are at and get the password for my resource library.

About five years before my husband and I courted, I had to make my peace with God about remaining single for life.  In essence, I surrendered my desire to be married to God.  I dethroned the idol of marriage in my heart and allowed God to take His rightful place.  As a result, I received a new enjoyment of being single.  

4) Contentment test – Is God enough for you?

A long wait for marriage will show you if you are satisfied with God only.  Can you be happy if Jesus were to be the only one to pursue and love you? 

When you are single for longer than you hoped, you can be tempted to go from one relationship to another.  With each new romance, you are on cloud nine.  When the relationship ends, you feel rejected and defeated, but soon you’re in another relationship or crushing on someone else.  

Take a break and focus on the greatest love of your soul.  You will find that romantic relationships might be thrilling, but your love for Jesus is more gratifying.

Ladies, you do not need a husband to complete you.  Christ already completed you when you invited Him into your life as your personal Lord and Savior.  

5) Maturity test – “How will you respond when God says ‘No’ or ‘Wait’?”

Perfection in the New Testament generally refers to maturity.  Oftentimes, we erroneously mistake maturity for service rendered; length of time being a Christian; success in ministry; spiritual gifts; leadership positions; memorizing verses and the like.  However, real maturity shows when testing and trials come.  They reveal what we truly believe about God.  Our level of maturity shows when God says “no” or “wait”.

Questions to ask yourself when God says “no” or “wait”:

• Do you respond with a temper tantrum? 
• Do you start to sulk?  
• Would you go with a married man who has separated from his wife and justify that he’s soon to be single?
• Do you confess your disappointment, but you resolve to trust God and His timing and His ways regardless of the perceived personal costs to you?
• Would you go with an unbeliever and say that you’re trying to bring him to Christ?
• Do you complain constantly when things don’t turn out the way you’d like them to?

Wherever you are at, God is always willing to help you to grow.  He’s waiting for your invitation.

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. “

7) Joy test – Will you be joyful if you never marry?

I learnt early as a Christian that happiness depends on circumstances and joy does not.  Rather, joy depends on a growing vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ.  A long wait can squeeze the joy out of you, if you let it.  Social media and external pressures can make matters worse.

Suggestions for having joy while you wait:

• Abide in Christ; 
• Cultivate a grateful heart; 
• Seek to experience the presence of God continually (read “The Practice of the Presence of God” by Brother Lawrence)
• Surround yourself with loving people who will uphold you in prayer;
• Be around people who are positive and joyful.

It is better to learn to be joyful when you’re single.  You’ll need it for all of life, including marriage.

Related articles:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

Why Jesus is Better Than a Husband | 10 Epic Reasons

Summary 

Like you, I also went through the above tests during my single years. I had to wrestle with what I truly believed about God. I have learnt that the end goal is NOT marriage and children, but remaining faithful to God. My long years of singleness changed me into the woman that I am today. 

God understands your desire for a husband because He made you that way.  The wait might be long for many reasons.  However, as followers of Jesus, the process is even more important than the goals (marriage, children, dream job, house, etc).  Whether you get married or not, loving God with your entire being is the worthiest goal for every follower of Jesus.  

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

Dear ladies, you are very precious to God.  Allow Him to completely fill any void you might have as a single woman.   When Jesus becomes your everything, you will enjoy being single even more and also, you will have a better chance of enjoying marriage (if it happens).  

What tests do you believe that you have done through or are currently facing?  What advice would you give to other single women being tested right now? What has been the most difficult test (to date) that you have faced?  Comment below! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love and laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get my “Is Marriage an Idol?” Self-Assessment!

In addition to the self-assessment, get the password to access to my entire resource library by completing the form below.

The post What a Long Wait for a Husband Reveals About You appeared first on Petals Bloom.

After each birthday celebration, Chrissy thinks, “Will this be my year?”  She is faced with the fact that she’s getting older and she has no husband.  Why is God making her wait so long?

Chrissy finds herself praying for a husband more and more.  But yet, nothing seems to change.  She wonders if God has forgotten her.   Needless to say, she is beginning to lose hope.  Will she ever get married?

There are countless reasons why you might remain single for much longer than you expected.  If your life is lived in total surrender to God, then you can rest in the fact that God will orchestrate the events of your life in His marvellous timing.

Check out how content you are as a single woman. Do my “Single & Content Self-Assessment” which is in my resource library among other incredible goodies!

Here are 6 reasons why God has you waiting long:

1) God wants you to be totally set apart for Him.

The truth is you can accomplish a whole lot more than a married Christian woman.  When I was a single woman, my life was devoted to the fulfillment of the Great Commission.  There was no need to collaborate with a husband with respect to time, activities, travel, projects, etc.  

Here’s a reality check ladies.  When you’re married, you will have less available time and your focus WILL be divided.  Without a mistake, you have a level of freedom that no Spirit-led married woman can have.  If she is overly focused on external ministry to the neglect of her family, she doesn’t understand her God-given priorities of being a wife.    

“… and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:34

2) To change your perspectives about men.

Your period of singleness might be lengthened because you may need a change in mindset.  For example, I was only interested in men who were missionaries.  All other men seemed too materialistic and worldly for me.  Therefore, God had to break my erroneous mindset before my husband and I got together.  That mindset took many years to break!  God also had to change the way in which I related to men.  

Look inwardly to see if you have mindsets that might need to change about men.

Check out my article, 5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands.

3) God is maturing you.

Marriage is not for the faint-hearted.  If you are going to enjoy being married, you have to grow up.  You must learn to be more merciful, gracious, forgiving and the list goes on.  In essence, become a true follower of Christ, not only in words but in thoughts and actions. 

Selfish attitudes will never produce a happy marriage.  Each individual has to make a conscious effort to die daily in order to bless and please the other person.  As you mature in Christ and your character begins to become more like Him, then you realise that the world doesn’t revolve around you but rather, Christ should be the center. 

Also, God might be requiring you to get help in overcoming past hurts, trauma and even strongholds like porn addiction.  God wants you to have a healthy marriage so He might delay it until you are ready for it.  More and more, I think preparation for marriage should involve seeing a counsellor.

4)  God is preparing your future husband.

Perhaps, God has you waiting because your future husband might not be ready for you or even marriage.  God might be working on him just as he is working on you.  If you were to ask my husband, he would also say that he was not ready for marriage when we had first met.  

Ladies, growth takes time.  But when you trust God’s wisdom and sovereignty, you can be certain that you will meet a good man who is the right fit for you.  By the way, several men could actually be a complimentary fit for you.  

5) God has a specific purpose for you as a single woman.

If the purpose God has for you is best served as a single woman, then God might have you waiting long.  It can even be that you might never get married.  But don’t despair, God will give you the grace.  I believe that a person can be so satisfied with God that marriage is not even a desire.  

I was speaking to a widow recently whose deceased husband was very good to her.  Surprisingly, she wasn’t lonely and she said that she will never marry again.  Her love for Jesus and her intimacy with Him was all that mattered to her.  In her voice, she sounded like a woman totally in love.  

Honestly, my desire for the Petals Bloom community is that Jesus will reign first place in our hearts so that marriage pales in comparison.  

6) God knows that marriage is not the best fit for you.

God knows who you are and He knows what is best for you.  You might actually be happier single than married.  Trust Him to execute a plan in your best interest.  He knows you better than you know yourself.  In this case, your only marriage might be at the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:6-9).  Try my “Single & Content Self-Assessment” and see how single and content you are.  The results just might surprise you! You might realise that singleness is better for you!

‘Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

“Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. And the angel said[a] to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”’ Revelation 19:6-9

Related articles:

Why Jesus is Better Than a Husband | 10 Epic Reasons

Suppose You Never Get Married … 10 Ways to Deal With It

Summary

You may not understand why your sincere prayer for a husband seems to go unanswered year after year.  But I assure you that God is hearing your heartfelt cries.  Undoubtedly, God has you waiting long for good reasons, some of which I have discussed above.  He is sovereign and has a reason for everything He allows under the sun.  As such, you need to trust Him in His wisdom and goodness while you wait on Him.

On another note, you might be complicating getting married and God is waiting on you! Read 5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single.

What makes the wait difficult for you?  How have you been dealing with it?  Please comment below.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get my “Single & Content” Self-Assessment!

You can get the self-assessment and the password for my resource library (while it is free) by filling out the form below.

The post Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Here are 10 epic reasons why Jesus is better than a husband:

1) You can always speak your mind to Jesus.

In a marriage, the ideal is that you would like to say what you want; when you want; and in whatever manner you wish at the time, especially when you are upset.  However, you are still on the earth and a husband is another human being whose feelings you must consider.  Therefore, you should try to speak the truth in love and be sensitive to the other person’s feelings.  

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29 ESV

With a relationship with Jesus, you can lay everything before Him.  In fact, you can release your pent-up emotions to Him.  He will not be offended.  Chances are, you will also feel much better and even get some clarification from Him.  

I am extremely grateful that He knows and understands everything.  You may be complicated, but Jesus can handle all your issues.

Get my list of Favourite Books for Single Christian Women!

2) Jesus can even read your mind.

Oftentimes, as a woman, you expect a man to interpret your frowns, silence, smiles and any other emotion.  When a man is unable to take the hints, you may wonder why he is not understanding you.  

On the other hand, Jesus is well acquainted with your thoughts.  Oftentimes, I have had experiences when God answered a desire that was a mere thought.  I didn’t even reach the point of voicing it in prayer! That is how awesome Jesus is.  

“Knowing their thoughts, he said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand.” Matthew 12:25 ESV

3) He can handle all your emotional ups and downs.

It is commonly held that women are moody.  I don’t think that describes me (in my humble opinion), but I can be upset, angry or in a foul mood from time to time:)  Jesus has the emotional strength and wisdom to deal with all of our ups and downs.  Conversely, a husband might have challenges adjusting and dealing with those emotions.  Jesus is clearly better than a husband.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16 ESV

4) Jesus has no bad moods.

Men can become depressed if their lives, career, relationships, finances and health do not match up to their dreams and expectations.  They may react by verbally and physically lashing out; retreating behind video games and entertainment; and even absconding from their responsibilities.  

In contrast, Jesus is “cool like a cucumber.”  Nothing phases Him.  His treatment of you will always be one characterized by love and care.  You will never be a recipient of the effects of a bad mood, because He never has any!  If you receive any correction from Jesus, it’s all because of His great love toward you.  Jesus is better than a husband!

“And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” Hebrews 12:5-6 ESV

5) He can protect you like no other.

I’m a firm believer that we are mostly unaware of the many dangers from which God protects us daily.  Jesus has the power to protect us from dangers seen and unseen.  On the other hand, a man may try his best (and we are grateful), but he is limited because he’s only human.  

“But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3 ESV

6) Jesus will never be unfaithful.

Many Christian husbands may not commit physical adultery, but Jesus raised the standard for all mankind.  In Matthew 5:28, He said, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  

Since men are generally more visually stimulated than women, more “heart” adultery is taking place hourly and daily, just by scrolling through social media or by deceptive ads leading to porn sites.

In contrast, Jesus has no unfaithfulness in Him.  As a matter of fact, He’s forever faithful to you, even when you are unfaithful to Him.

“… if we are faithless, he remains faithful- for he cannot deny himself.” 2 Timothy 2:13 ESV

7) He will never lose his ability to provide.

A husband might lose his income and be unable to provide for his family.  On the other hand, Jesus does not operate on the world’s system.  He will always be able to provide for you, whether the world is in a recession or not.  

Even beyond providing our needs, He provides our wants as well.  A good husband may try his best, but Jesus is definitely better than him!  Since He is God, Jesus has an advantage for certain.

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 ESV

8) Jesus will always be near you.

Many singles think that marriage is a cure for loneliness.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  If you’re lonely as a single woman, you’ll probably experience that same loneliness after marriage.  

In essence, a husband cannot completely fill your need for constant companionship because he cannot be with you 24/7 365 days a year.  Only Jesus can meet that expectation because He is omnipresent.  You see why Jesus is better than a husband?!?

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities-all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” Colossians 1:15-17 ESV

9) Jesus will not die or leave you.

Jesus died once and then He conquered death.  He rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven.  Therefore, Jesus will never die again.  That’s great news!  You may marry a wonderful man, but he (and you) will someday die.  You may have all the best intentions, but this life is temporary for all of us.  

When you have Jesus, He will be with you now, when you die and forever in eternity.  Your relationship with Jesus will last much longer (eternity long) than your marriage.  Jesus is better than a husband!

“… for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b

“So then the Lord Jesus, after he had spoken to them, was taken up into heaven and sat down at the right hand of God.” Mark 16:19 ESV

10) No unrealistic comparisons with other women.

Whether a husband makes it known or unknown to his wife, he will constantly be comparing her to the awesome cooking of his mother; his former girlfriend; past sexual experiences (whether real or fantasy) and the list goes on.  It’s simply human nature.  

While Jesus knows everything about you (your heart, your past, your thoughts, your failures and triumphs), He loves you just the way you are.  With a husband, it’s a work in progress. Jesus’ love is exceptional and you can feel totally comfortable knowing that He accepts you as you are.

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.” John 15:9 ESV

Related Articles

5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful 

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it

Suppose You Never Get Married … 10 Ways to Deal With It

Summary

Have you ever struggled with feelings that you’re better off being married?  I’ve been married for a little over a year and I feel very blessed because my husband is amazing.  However, a husband can never be a substitute for Jesus. He will always fall short of Jesus’ caliber.  Undoubtedly, Jesus is exceptional and no man on earth can compare with Him. A loving husband is good, but a vibrant relationship with Jesus will always be better!

In what ways do you see Jesus being better than a husband?  Have you begun to believe that marriage is the cure for all?  Please comment below and share your views and insights about this topic.  

I am aware that some of you might be struggling at this time.  Please reach out to me if you need someone to pray with you. I’ve brainstormed a list of “My Favourite Books for Single Christian Women” that have helped me to develop in every area of my life and have made it available for you. 

When you subscribe, you will get this list on incredible books in your Inbox. You’ll also receive my weekly tips to help you to become that awesome woman that’s already in you. Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

Love,

Kimberly Garth 

The post Why Jesus is Better Than a Husband | 10 Epic Reasons appeared first on Petals Bloom.

However, your current reality bears no resemblance to your dream.  You are stuck at home with nowhere to go … except the supermarket and the pharmacy.  This lock down has come upon you unexpectedly and from such an unlikely source … a pandemic!

Every day, you find yourself being pulled into an unending supply of virus news from Whatsapp videos; news updates; and social media news feeds.  Before you know it, another day has ended and you’re filled with more anxiety about the future than the day before.

Ladies, this pandemic will come and go and you are very likely to survive if you follow precautions and remain stuck at home.  So how can you pass this time well and make the best use of being stuck at home?

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16 ESV

“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.” Viktor Frankl 
(Man’s Search For Meaning)

Here are 10 fantastic ideas when you are stuck at home:

1) Get some rest.

You don’t know when you’ll have another opportunity like this of being stuck at home. Take advantage of this slow period and get your much needed rest.  Experts recommend 7-8 hours sleep nightly. 

When your body gets sufficient rest, you are less susceptible to viruses.  I tried this out and for years, I did not contract any virus until I resorted to my former bad habits:(. But I’m trying again!

2) Create something … anything!

It’s in your human nature to create since you are made in the image and likeness of God, our Creator.  Take this time of being stuck at home to get in touch with your creative side. 

Here are some ideas to create:

• Try new recipes.
• Paint on a canvas, your walls, your nails, etc.
• Draw yourself, an object or scenery.
• Build a bookshelf. (I long to do this! Lol)
• Make homemade hand sanitizers, hair products, and cleaning supplies. 
• Crochet a hat.
• Knit a blanket.
• Design thank you cards.
• Write a song, poem or a book.
• Record a video.

Embark on a creative project.  If you have an idea and you don’t know how to get it done, I’m sure there is at least one YouTube tutorial to guide you. Creating can be very therapeutic and enjoyable!  The options are limitless!

3) Play.

When was the last time you spent time playing a game?  If you have housemates or you live with relatives, start a family-friendly game competition using a variety of games.  

For those of you who live alone, you don’t have to be left out of the fun.  Get out your crossword puzzles, sudoku, fill-in puzzles and compete with yourself.  If you don’t have any, you can search online.

You can even build or rebuild a puzzle.  Also, in our tech savvy world, you can play online games with your friends who live elsewhere.

4) Refresh your soul.

During these days, you can spend unhurried time with God.  

Some suggestions:

• Sing songs to your heart’s content.
• Dance like nobody’s watching.
• Memorize scripture by singing or acting them out. (Get your free “How to Memorize an Entire Book of the Bible” guide.)  
• Meditate on a verse until it sinks deep down into your soul.
• Listen to the stories of the Bible (check out a dramatized version).
• Journal to God sharing all the emotions that you’re experiencing.
• Read and ask the Holy Spirit to bring light to the scripture passages.
• Choose a portion of scripture and go deeper into it by studying it in more detail.
• Pray for others and yourself.
• Make a record of at least three things for which you’re grateful daily.
• Take a walk in nature and praise God for His handiwork.
• Spend time reflecting about your life.
  

Related articles:

10 Easy Tips to Start Journaling today

10 Life-Changing Reasons to Begin Journaling NOW

Doing This Changed My Life

5) Connect with others.

You may not be able to hangout with your friends at the moment, but you can connect with them via calls and messages.  Also, if you live with others like your family members or housemates, make it a point to share (at least) one meal every day. 

Moreover, this is a good time to build friendships with your neighbors.  It has become quite common that our neighbors are practically strangers to us.  But disasters have a way of bringing people together. Reach out to them. You never know … a great friendship might blossom out of this time.

If you live alone, try to connect with someone every day. Isolation is generally not healthy since we are made for relationships with God and with others. On the other hand, if you know someone who lives alone, make a special effort to contact them regularly.

6) Be active.

This is not the time to become a “couch potato” by being tuned into every virus update or binging on movies or series.  Instead, put on your exercise shoes (or dancing shoes) and shake that body.  After this pandemic, not only will you feel good, but you’ll be looking healthier too!

7) Learn something new.

Sit and think about who you would like to become within the next five years.  If you’re lacking any skill or knowledge that poses a barrier, get cracking during this time.  Fill that gap and build your capacity!

Furthermore, is there a skill that you’ve always wanted to develop?  What about systematically learning a diverse body of knowledge to become a better conservationist?  Have people taken advantage of you because you were ignorant in an area (like your car)?  Do you need to have another income source?

Other skills to acquire:

• Learn a language.
• Start a garden.
• Understand investments.
• Develop as a public speaker.
• Start a podcast.
• Learn to change a tire and understand your vehicle better.
• Master a particular software program in your field.
• Gain knowledge in a variety of areas – flowers, animals, cars, yachts …the sky’s the limit!
• Learn how to run a business online.

8) Clean, declutter and organize.

Now, you have the time to tackle that “hide-everything” cupboard; the extra bedroom; your bookshelf, etc.  Sort, give away, throw away and organize every cupboard and room in your house.  A home feels so much better when it is clean, orderly and not overcrowded.

9) Be entertained and laugh daily.

Take time to relax and enjoy a good movie or series, but not for the entire day regardless of how tempting that might be.  As such, it would be wise to select movies that will uplift you and not make you fall.  

Additionally, in these somber times, you need to laugh.  Who are those people in your life that make you smile or laugh?  Make time to call a friend or relative who has a positive attitude and/or an incredible sense of humor.  

Watch your favorite YouTuber or rewatch movies that make you laugh until you cry.  Did you know that laughter boosts the immune system and helps to reduce stress?

“All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.” Proverbs 15:15 ESV

10) Be a blessing to others.

Be on the lookout for opportunities to serve others.  I see a popular craft blogger asking her followers to make face masks to donate to a hospital that lacks masks.  That’s a great initiative and this pandemic will give rise to many opportunities to share the love of Jesus in word and in deed.

Also, ask God to give you opportunities to share the gospel of Jesus Christ.  No other message has the power to transform lives and give hope than the good news of Jesus Christ.

Related article:

7 Great Opportunities from This Pandemic 

Summary

Although you are now working from home and you have more free time, you are confined to the four corners of your home.  With no cinema, theme park, restaurant or theatre to help pass your time, the aforementioned ideas will help you to have a great time when you are stuck at home.

What have you been doing during this time being stuck at home?  What other ideas can you add? I’d love to hear from you so please give your comments.

I invite you to subscribe to Petals Bloom.  By subscribing, you will receive my weekly email tips to help you as you follow Jesus, along with your free “How to Memorize an Entire Book of the Bible” guide.  

I know that this time might be a struggle for you.  Therefore, feel free to email me at any time. I’ll be glad to offer a listening ear and prayer.  Thanks for stopping by!

 #madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended books:

“Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl

“Rhythms of Renewal: Trading Stress and Anxiety for a Life of Peace and Purpose” by Rebekah Lyons

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The post 10 Fantastic Ideas When You Are Stuck At Home  appeared first on Petals Bloom.

“Simone” is an attractive intelligent woman who loves Jesus.  For years, she has prayed over and over (and over and over again) that God would bring her “Boaz” into her life.  There has been a few close calls with single men.  

But to date, nothing has matured into a relationship leading to marriage.  She’s beginning to wonder if she’ll ever get married and have children.  That dismal thought brings tears to her eyes.  

“Simone”, like many single Christian women today, needs to address this possible outcome.  She may never get married. Therefore, how should she deal with this harsh disappointment of remaining single for the rest of her days?

Marriage is not guaranteed to you, even if you have love the Lord and seek to be faithful to Him.  The truth of the matter is that you live in a fallen world and some of your desires will remain unfulfilled.  

My story 

Before I got married (last year), I wasn’t in a romantic relationship for thirteen years.  Naturally, as the years went by, I began to lose hope of ever getting married.  

As such, I can relate to “Simone”.  One day, a few years ago, I had to face the possible realization that I might never get married … ever!  Also, I felt that my desire to get married was squeezing the joy out of living. Sadly, getting married did become an idol in my life and that idol needed to die.

My question to you …

Suppose you never get married, how are you doing to deal with this?

Here are 10 ways to deal with the disappointment of possibly never getting married:

1) Surrender your desire to God.

This is the first step to freedom and peace about never getting married.  Completely surrender this area of your life to God. Surrender might seem like defeat, but you’re not surrendering to an enemy who will crush you.  

You are surrendering to the Almighty gracious loving capable God who will be replace your disappointment with hope; your sadness with joy; your bondage with freedom; and your misplaced affection to the only God who can meet all your inner longings.  He’s that good!

2) Build intimacy with Christ.

Since you have been faithfully following and serving God, you may have come to believe that marriage is a right or an entitlement.  God has not promised to give husbands to all single Christian women.  

Instead, He has promised an even better gift.  He has promised to love you better than any man and to always be there for you. A husband is really a temporary earthly substitute for the real deal (Jesus).  Jesus is more than enough for all of us.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

3) Rely on God’s grace daily.

It is certainly not easy dealing with the possibility that you’ll be single for the rest of your life.  Therefore, you need to rely on God’s supernatural grace every day.  Some days will be easy and some days would be downright difficult. 

Binging on romantic movies and novels will temporarily numb your emotions, but unfortunately, they might further deepen your dissatisfaction with being single.  That’s not helpful if you want to enjoy being single.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

4) Take a break from romantic literature.

What you allow into your soul will impact your thoughts and emotions.  Before I came to my point of surrendering my desire for marriage to God, I would devour many resources on relationships.  

I needed to figure out what I was doing wrong and discover the path to meeting the right man.  After my surrender to God, my focus shifted.  I began to read other literature that developed me, my relationship with God and my career.  It was a refreshing break. 

5) Build non-romantic friendships with men.

You need to retrain yourself to see attractive single men as brothers in Christ and not only as potential husbands.  If you keep on seeing them as potential husbands, you might be missing out some awesome friendships.

This was a little trickier for me since I was shy with attractive eligible men.  Honestly, it took me a few more years to grow in this area.  

6) Channel your energies in investing in others.

Besides cultivating intimacy with God, there’s nothing better and nurturing than helping others.  Use your time, gifts and resources to invest in the lives of others.

Options:

• Sharing the gospel.
• Disciplining or mentoring younger women.
• Visiting widows.
• Taking care of the sick.
• Seeing about orphans.
• Providing for the poor.
• Teaching new skills to people who need a breakthrough in life.
• Fighting against an ill in society like human trafficking.

There’s so much work to do.  By being the hands and feet of Jesus, you’ll be placing your focus on other people and be able to resist the “doom and gloom” of possibly never getting married.  

7) Enjoy your current reality.

As a single woman, you have a lot to be grateful for.  Check out “5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful”.  Take some time to think about all the benefits of being single and express your gratitude to God for your single state.  How about writing a love letter to God telling him about your thankfulness?

8) Focus on eternity.

Take a pen and place a dot on the largest blank page that you can find.  The dot represents your life now and the rest of the blank page represents eternity (but eternity never ends).  This life is too short to focus on getting married and becoming bitter if it doesn’t happen.

Whenever disappointments come my way, I remember that life, as I know it, will come to an end.  Don’t you realise how time is flying?!? Weren’t you a teenager just the other day?

You will not always have to deal with the disappointment of never getting married to an earthly husband.  Eventually, you’ll be a part of the greatest marriage when the Bride of Christ (us) will be united with Her Savior!  No marriage on earth will ever compare to that!

Ladies, try not to despair about possibly never getting married.  God has better in store for you. Undoubtedly, He hasn’t forgotten you. 

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NIV

9) Become your best self.

Life is too short to be wasted.  Therefore, channel your focus into growing yourself in every area.  Be a good steward of your talents, your relationships and your God-given passions.  Don’t live a life of regret.  

10) Resist blaming yourself and others.

You may have rejected “Tom” and “Bill”.  Or you have wasted your time on “John” although you were sufficiently warned by others.  Or you may blame God or the devil for your misfortune of remaining single.  

Come to terms with the state of singleness and trust in the sovereignty and goodness of God. Regardless of the reasons you might be single, God promises that He will work it all out.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28 NIV

Related articles:

5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful

5 Crazy Things People Say to Single Women

Summary 

You might be disappointed with the way your life has turned out.  I understand what your thoughts and feelings are like. As such, I want you to know that your disappointment with possibly never getting married doesn’t have to defeat you.  

You can still be full of joy, laughter, contentment, peace and fulfilment as a single woman.  But it all depends on you. What will you choose to dwell on?

Here are 10 ways to help you deal with the possibility of never getting married:

1. Surrender your desire to God.
2. Build intimacy with Christ.
3. Rely on God’s grace daily.
4. Take a break from romantic literature.
5. Build non-romantic friendships with men.
6. Channel your energies in investing in others.
7. Enjoy your current reality.
8. Focus on eternity.
9. Become your best self.
10. Resist blaming yourself and others.

What other tips have helped you to enjoy singleness when marriage seemed like a lost dream?  Please comment below and help other single Christian woman who might be struggling at this time. 

If you’d like me to help you grow in your relationships with God and others, subscribe and you’ll receive my weekly emails to help you grow.  You’ll also receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity Checklist”. You can also reply to my emails and let me know what’s happening with you.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madetolove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended books:

“Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?: Trusting God With a Hope Deferred” By Carolyn McCulley

“Lies Young Women Believe And The Truth That Sets Them Free” by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth & Dannah Gresh

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post Suppose You Never Get Married … 10 Ways to Deal With It  appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Confidence is like a magnet in all your relationships. It’s in your best interest to become a more confident woman. It will affect your …

Success on a job interview;

Ability to form new friends and business associates;

Courage to ask for a pay increase;

Interactions with mere strangers; and 

Desirability with men;

Ability to deal with and stop abusive behavior from others;

Capacity to attract the right type of people in your life.

Confidence has more to do with your inner self than your outward appearance. It took me years to come to the place where I felt comfortable being me. I’m now at a point where I fully embrace and love myself. 

Here are 7 tips to become a more confident woman:

1) Know and appreciate your worth.

You’re made in the image and likeness of God and you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). There’s no else on this planet who is exactly like you. No other human being has exactly the same combination of your experiences, thoughts, views, talents, etc. You’re an original and a woman of great worth. 

Also, you need to refrain from comparing yourself with others in order to become a more confident woman. Embrace and celebrate who you are. You have special qualities that the world needs. 

Action steps:

• Take an inventory of all strengths. 
• Ask your family, friends and coworkers about your uniqueness and your contribution to existing relationships. 
• Stop comparing yourself with others.

Questions to consider:

• Do you have a knack for thinking out of the box?
• Do you lighten the mood of the office as you enter?
• Are you a good story-teller?
• What special skills do you possess?
• Are you an administrative genius?
• Do you make people laugh until they cry?
• Are you the type of woman who loves helping others? 
• Do you find ways to insert a compliment and uplifting words to people that you meet? 
• Are you genuinely concerned about others?
• Do you give good wholesome advice? 
• Are you gentle and humble? 

2) Surround yourself with people who uplift you.

I have a friend who has an incredible gift of encouragement. In every response (email, text or direct speech), she always seems to slip in an affirming word. I feel encouraged by every interaction with her.

There are two kinds of criticisms – constructive and destructive. Constructive criticism can be instrumental to our overall growth, but it can hurt at times. Whereas, destructive criticism can wound your soul and is generally unhelpful. 

If a close friend or relative, “Jackie”, is consistently negative in her opinion of you, you may need to have a serious conversation with “Jackie”. If she is unwilling to change, pray that God would touch and change her heart. Perhaps “Jackie’s” her soul has been severely hurt and she is projecting her hurt unto you. In the meantime, you may need to seek out emotionally healthier friends. You may also need to limit your interactions with “Jackie” for a while.

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20 

“A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” Proverbs 12:26

Tips on dealing with destructive criticism from friends or relatives:

• Stay calm.
• Smile.
• Pray for them. 
• Refute their criticism.

You need to develop ways and the ability to handle negative people. When they realize their negatively has lost its grip over you, they may begin to change their conversations toward you or they may decide that the relationship is no longer worth their time. As you grow to become a more confident emotionally healthy woman, you will attract people who are like-minded.

I currently don’t have any close friends or relatives who put me down. I cannot recall actively distancing myself from anyone. They are either not around me or they must have realized that I will not tolerate their negativity. If a person cannot say anything constructive, they should be silent. 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 

3) Humbly receive compliments and internalize them.

How do you react when someone sincerely pays you a compliment? Instead of denying it, you can smile and say ‘thank you’. If several people compliment you on the same physical attribute or character trait, then it gives validity to their claims. 

4) Deal with past trauma.

When I was a pre-teen, I will never forget the comment about my legs by two of my neighbors, also in their pre-teens. It stung me and caused me to hide my legs for many years. Oftentimes, we internalize negative words and traumatic experiences until it becomes a part of our daily reality. As the years progress, we may not even remember the traumatic incident, so we’re clueless why we think or act the way we do. 

The good news is that we have God’s Holy Spirit who can guide us into all truth …even the truth about our past. We need to be aware of the trauma; deal with it in the present; and renew our minds to embrace God’s truth in our lives.

Action steps:

A) Think about the negative views that you have about yourself. 

Debilitating thoughts:

• I’m ugly.
• I’m dull and unintelligent.
• My life will never amount to anything good.
• I’ll always fail.
• No good man will ever want me.

B) Ask God to reveal to you the source of these thoughts. What damaging words or traumatic experiences have occurred that have sowed these self-hatred?

C) Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth about you and ask for His help in changing your internal beliefs.

D) If you’re not seeing any improvement, see a wise counselor. I would recommend a Christian one who is biblically sound.

5) Self-care.

We might think that men are the only ones who appreciate a woman’s beauty, but women are also drawn to another woman’s beauty. I often find myself admiring another woman’s clear complexion, curly hair, eyes, facial structure, teeth and smile. When you see a beautiful woman (or man), you cannot help but look. 

Therefore, we should seek to enhance our God-giving attributes. We all possess characteristics that make us attractive. When we feel good about our physical appearance, it is reflected in our deportment and interaction with others. 

When I feel unattractive, I want to hide. I cannot even make good eye contact. On the contrary, when I feel pretty, there’s a ‘pep in my step’. I walk “tall” and my interactions are more positive. Besides your physical appearance, we need to also care for our emotions and our spirits.

Questions to consider:

• What are your best attributes?
• What improvements can you make to your appearance?
• Should you begin exercising (regardless of your body mass)?
• When was the last time you took time to relax and think?
• Are you getting sufficient sleep?
• Have you cultivated the habit of meditating on God’s Word?

“The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.” Psalm 19:7 

6) Continuous growth and development

We feel good about ourselves when we’re productive, progressing and developing. Our aim should be to learn something new every day. If you’re not continually growing, you will become stagnant and boring. 

Another key aspect of growth is the ability to complete your projects and reach your goals. Persons who have trained themselves to give up can never feel good about themselves. Whatever you set out to do, complete the task at hand with excellence. Don’t give up in the middle or close to the end…finish reading the book; complete the course; and put the final touches on that project. Like with everything else, we must train ourselves and not give into our moods when the challenges come. And they will come!

Questions to consider:

• Which projects do you need to complete?
• What must you do now to grow your capacity for future success (relationships, career, finances, etc.)
• What course could you enroll in?
• Which country or local site can you visit?
• Should you learn another language?
• Have you considered learning a new skill like cooking, photography or painting?
• What are some key areas of weaknesses on which you need to work? 

7) Align yourself to God.

For children of the light (true followers of Jesus), we must become women of integrity. Our beliefs and actions must line up with the character of God as shown in His Word. True christians can never be truly happy and confident if they are conflicted in their souls. 

For instance:

• Premarital sex (including foreolay) is wrong and you’re having sexual relations with your boyfriend, you’ll never have full confidence.
• Cheating and lying to enhance your career opportunities, you’ll be utterly miserable in time to come.
• Harboring malice and unforgiveness in your heart, full joy will not be your portion.  

Related article: 7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity 

When you are quiet and all alone, how do you feel about yourself deep within? Are you fully at peace? Is your heart full of joy? If the answers are “no”, then you need to do some soul searching. Something isn’t right. You are internally troubled about something or someone. 

Tips:

• Take a sober view of your life.
• Write down all the areas that are in mis-alignment with God.
• Confess any known sin.
• Renew your mind by reading and meditation on God’s Word.
• Confess any known sin to a faithful trusted Christian who can pray for you and hold you accountable.
• Ask the Holy Spirit to help you to overcome.

Related Articles:

Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman

Is He Showing Interest? 10 Pointers to Keep Your Confidence Intact

Summary

Physical attractiveness lends to us some level of confidence, but to be deeply confident, you need to deal with your soul. Know and appreciate your worth; surround yourself with people who uplift you; humbly receive compliments and internalize them; deal with past trauma; self-care; continuous growth and development; and align yourself to God. 

What has helped you to become a more confident woman? Comment below and share your words of wisdom with us. Thanks for dropping by!

With love,

Kimberly 

Recommended book:

A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself & Live in the Security of God’s Promises.

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

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Are you shy around men? If you say “yes” to the following four questions, then this article might help you to overcome your shyness.

1. When you’re around an attractive guy, do you tend to become tense?
2. Do you get tongue-tied and unable to have a decent conversation? 
3. Is your behavior cold and unemotional around him? 
4. Do you stay far from him as possible because you’re afraid of behaving awkwardly or worse, being rejected?

If you’re like me, you can talk to any guy except someone who you deem to be attractive. With guys in whom I had no interest, it was easy for me to approach them and make a new friend. 

On the other hand, if a “drop-dead gorgeous” guy entered the room, I wouldn’t even approach him unless it was a part of my job. I would tense up and my shyness adversely affected my ability to converse. If he showed any interest in me, I was unable to reciprocate. A guy could have easily thought that I was haughty or ‘stuck up’ by my unfriendliness toward him, but it was simply my own insecurities preventing me from being myself.

Several years ago, I said to myself, “this must stop!” Subsequently, I made a few significant changes which helped me to have enjoyable friendships with single attractive Christian men. I married one of them! Yay!

Here are 8 tips to overcome your shyness with an attractive guy:

1) Be motivated by friendship.

As a Christian, you’re called to be a blessing to your fellow brothers, including single attractive Christian men. They too need single female friends. A man doesn’t want to be considered only as a potential spouse since he has other purposes and key roles in life. We need to remember that the main aim for living is not marriage, but to glorify Christ. If you’re focus is only finding a husband, you’ll miss out on meaningful friendships with single Christian men. 

Some ways in which it can be a win-win friendship:

• Lifting each other in prayer;
• Giving each other encouragement to live for Jesus;
• Respectfully engaging in meaningful conversations that can provide you both with other perspectives;
• Supporting each other as you both try to reach your goals;
• Giving him an opportunity to fix your car and provide free labor when you’re relocating:); and 
• Serving together in ministering God’s love to others;

If you keep a kingdom-perspective in the forefront of your mind, then you can befriend an attractive single Christian man. 

2) Make him aware of your presence.

An important step to overcome your shyness is to get over your fear of being near him. Although you might want to stay in your ‘own corner’, you must face that fear and venture closer. If he doesn’t even notice you, no friendship will likely to happen.

I witnessed the subtle charms of a beautiful young lady recently. She was sitting on one side of the room. By the time “intermission” ended, she was sitting two chairs away from the guy she wanted to meet. About two hours later, they were chatting like long-time friends. From their interactions, one can deduce that they were definitely attracted to each other. To date, no relationship has started, but they have become friends. 

3) Make eye contact.

I know that this may feel weird, but you need to look at him… in his eyes. Even if he’s at the other end of the room. When you make eye contact with someone, it says, “you’re not invisible to me.” We all want to know that our presence matters to someone else. Also, when you actually start speaking with him, look straight into his eyes. He will know that you’re listening and that his opinions are valuable to you.

4) Learn to smile. 

A smile disarms people. It invites conversation and breaks down barriers. This is not limited to men, but to other persons you may encounter as you go through life. A genuine smile lights up an entire face. Have you ever noticed how a person looks more beautiful when they smile? 

In the past, if you saw me, I had a ‘beast’ face when I was among strangers. On the other hand, with friends and relatives, I was the epitome of joy. What changed this? 

One day, I was in the supermarket and I passed a pretty young lady in the aisle. She wore a pleasant subtle smile on her face and even I felt like smiling too. From that day, I decided that I will be like that…even to strangers. It was difficult at first, but I trained my face to have a pleasant smile to everyone I would meet. 

That little tweak in my outward behavior changed my interactions with strangers. I would be at the doctor’s office and an elderly lady would smile at me. More men began to feel comfortable around me and approached me. I’m sorry that I didn’t learn the art of smiling sooner!

5) Be sincerely interested in him as a person and make conversation. 

If you want to be friends with him and get to know him as a person, you need to engage in meaningful conversations. To do this, it’s important that you develop the art of open-ended questions. You need to limit your use of closed questions with ‘yes’ and ‘no’ responses and those which produce short answers. Although they are good conversation starters, in order to have good rapport and to build a friendship, you need to ask questions that would give longer responses. 

Learn to listen well and ask related follow-up questions. You want him to feel that you’re genuinely interested in him. When you get him talking about himself, he may leave thinking that you’re the most interesting person that he met at the event although he probably did most of the talking! We all like the sound of our own voices and have a need to be seen and heard. Also, try to remember his name! People love to hear the sound of their names.

Examples:

Closed questions with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ responses:

• Do you attended this meeting regularly?
• Do you enjoy basketball?
• Have you read the book “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”?

Closed questions with short-answers:

• How are you?
• What’s your favorite sport?
• Who do you think will win the NBA finals?
• What’s your all-time favorite book?

Open-ended questions:

• How did you come to Christ and what has your faith journey been like since then?
• What are your thoughts on Forex trading?
• If you had all the money in the world, how would you spend your time?
• Who has impacted you the most and why?
• If you had only one more year to live, how would you spend it?
• How has the conference impacted you so far?

Additionally, it’s always an advantage to grow your own mind through ongoing learning and to live an interesting life. You don’t want to come across as a bore or ignorant. Ultimately, you’re aiming for intellectually stimulating conversations. 

6) Express a compliment.

Every man craves for admiration and respect. As such, he will appreciate a sincere compliment, especially by a confident woman who knows her value. Sometimes, we women, want to hold back from complimenting men because we think it’ll give them over-inflated egos. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you want a man to value your friendship and furthermore, become irreplaceable to him, you need to learn to show your admiration of him through your words. A wise woman should quickly learn this love language of men and practice it on her father, brother(s) and male friends. This is a skill to master!

Suggestions:

• “I like the way your tie matches your shirt.”
• “You made a profound statement when you responded to….”
• “I appreciated when you opened the door for me.”
• “I can see that you’re a man who values quality.”
• “When you did … in the workshop, it showed that you’re a creative genius.”
• “Thank you for opening the door for me. It shows that you’re a gentleman.”

7) Focus on him and not on yourself.

God allows us the opportunity to connect with people so that we can be a blessing to them. You don’t know if you will ever see him again, so make that moment a life-changing experience for him. When he moves away from talking with you, he should be having thoughts like, “I really enjoyed that conversation”, “That was an interesting young lady”, or “Her compliment was really sweet”. 

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Your focus should be:

• How could he be a better man because of his encounter with me? 
• In what way can I encourage him? 
• What can I humbly share with him that would benefit him?
• How can I bring joy and laughter into his life?

If we take our eyes off of ourselves and focus on others, we will be less preoccupied with our own insecurities which tend to cripple us. But don’t overthink this. We gravitate toward people because we enjoy their company. So relax, be yourself, focus on him and enjoy yourself!

8) Practice, Practice, Practice!

“Do the thing you hate the most and the death of it shall surely come.” – Dr. Ron Jensen 

Being shy is learned behavior so you need to retrain yourself by coming out of your comfort zone. Even introverts can become good conversationalists. I’m well-acquainted with several of them. So don’t hide behind your personality type. 

If you don’t have many opportunities in your current situation, you may need to venture into new social circles like joining a sports club or a Bible study group in another church. You can only practice if you have persons to practice with!

If you actively take advantage of opportunities for growth in this area, you’ll see your fear of failure and rejection begin to dissipate, slowly but surely. As a result, you’ll become more confident in your interactions with single men. Enjoy the moment and resist over-thinking about whether he likes you and what the future may hold.

Action steps:

• Align your motivation to be kingdom-minded. There’ll be no marriage in Heaven so you can’t lose by beginning healthy friendships here on earth.
• Face your fears about being in close proximity to him. Simply inch your way closer to him. He will not bite.
• When you spot him across the room, acknowledge his presence by looking a few seconds at him. 
• Look into his eyes when you’re speaking with him.
• Plan a list of conversation starters and commit a few to memory. Hopefully, when you’re nervous, you can recall some of them.
• Make small talk with persons in safe environments. You need to practice to talk with as many people as possible.
• Practice smiling. If a mirror helps, then use it. I actually smile at myself every day:)
• When next you’re in the company of an attractive guy, start to make conversation. Start with small talk and then graduate to more open-ended questions until the conversation begins to flow naturally. 
• Replace the preoccupation with yourself and focus on being a blessing to him. Relax and enjoy each other’s company.
• Begin to actively compliment and show admiration for the men already in your life.
• Practice the art of asking good questions with the people around you. 

Summary

Life is too short to be imprisoned by fear. Instead, you can embrace awesome life-long friendships with people, including attractive single men by taking some action to grow in this area. If I can do it, you can too. Furthermore, if you have a desire to marry one of these men, he needs an opportunity to experience the real you – your personality, your humor, your views, and the like. Would you challenge yourself to take the necessary steps to become a more confident version of you? I’m rooting for you! 

You can overcome your shyness by seeking to be friends; knowing and appreciating your worth; making him aware of your presence; making eye contact; learning to smile more; making conversations and being sincerely interested in him; giving compliments, focusing on him and not being preoccupied about your insecurities; and of course, practice until you defeat your fear. Lastly, pray about it. Express to the Lord that you desire to grow in this area.

What advice do you have for shy women? Is it an area of weakness for you? Please comment below. I also invite you to subscribe and receive your free “Know Yourself” questionnaire. I write weekly to my subscribers giving advice on relationships with God and others through my own personal experiences. When you receive my ‘welcome’ email, please reply and introduce yourself. I’d love that! I personally respond to all my emails. Thanks for dropping by!

Like, Share and Subscribe!

With love, 

Kimberly 

Related Articles:

5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single

6 Blind Spots Keeping Love Away

Recommended Books:

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 8 Tips to Overcome Your Shyness with an Attractive Guy appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Help! It’s controlling me!

You keep getting drawn back into that habit. You tell God that you’ll never do it again. But that promise is short-lived. Can you beat porn addiction?

You’re ashamed of your behavior, but you can’t seem to stop it. After each episode, you end up feeling disgusted because you gave in yet another time. You plead for God’s forgiveness, but within days (or hours), you’ve entered the cycle of pleasure-guilt-shame-confessing your sin. You go back again and again.

Are you now plagued for life by this uncontrollable habit?

It’s affecting your ability to concentrate; your relationships; your motivation to work and study; and even your desire for marriage is beginning to wane. Spending time with God is becoming joyless. Why would God even want to hear from you in this sinful state? You’re just fed-up of disappointing God.

“I’ve put an end to it but these images keep haunting me.“

Or perhaps, you’ve successful stopped looking at all pornographic stimuli (videos, books, movies, social media, etc). You’ve kicked that habit but sexually impure thoughts and fantasies keep invading your mind. Instead of looking at porn, you’re creating porn in your mind. You wonder, ‘will this battle ever end? Is it possible to beat porn addiction forever?’

God wants the best for us.

We live in a world that makes light of these issues. To adopt the world’s laissez-faire attitude about sex and sex-related matters, will only lead us into bondage and unhappiness. However, for every growing Christian, our standard is holiness and purity in our body as well as in our minds. 1 Peter 1:16 says, ‘For it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.’

God can help you to fully beat porn addiction and every other form of sexual addiction, whether it is hardcore porn, soft porn, sexually impure thoughts, masturbation or anything that contradicts God’s character of holiness. As a matter of fact, He’s the one who has placed the desire in you to beat porn addiction. Not only has he placed in you the desire for holiness, His power is also available to you.

“For it is God who works in you to WILL and to ACT according to his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13

In order to beat porn addiction and other sexual addictions, you need a multi-prong approach. It should involve spiritual, social, mental, emotional and physical dimensions.

Here are 10 practical tips to help you to beat porn addiction and other sexual addictions:

1) Admit that you have a problem.

This might be the hardest step, but it is very crucial. Before, you can get any help, you first have to confess that you have a problem. Denying or making excuses will leave you in bondage.  Also, it is tempting to compare ourselves with others, but that is always unhelpful when it comes to life change. Our standard is God and no other human being.

I was a virgin when I married and my first kiss was at the altar after we were pronounced husband and wife. Did I consider myself sexually pure? No way!

Your excuses may sound like these:

• “It’s not so bad.”
• “Everyone is doing it.”
• “It’ll show me what to do when I get married.”
• “I’m not harming anyone.”
• “It’s better than not having actual sex.”
• “I will not get pregnant.”
• “Since I’m not married, it’s okay to meet my sexual needs in this way.”
• “Who’s going to know about it?”
• “This is the absolute last time.”
• “It’s not a sin.”

“People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

2) Be real with God.

Many times in life, we are aware of our problem, but it’s simply sweeter to continue in our sin. Sexual addiction is so enticing. Intellectually, we know that we need help, but we’re just not ready to be obedient to God. God is well acquainted with our struggles and as such, it’s just better to be honest with Him. One of my mentors taught me the importance of just telling God where we are at and asking for His help.

It’s a simple prayer: ‘Lord, I’m not willing, but help me to be willing.’

I would also recommend praying daily for God’s strength to resist all forms of sexual temptations and ask Him to fill your needs. With the Almighty’s help, you can beat porn addiction.

3) Rely on the power of the Holy Spirit.

You can promise to God that you’ll never to it again a thousand times more, but you will end up doing it again and again. The truth is that you need the power of God’s Holy Spirit who is in the life of every true believer. Religion cannot help anyone in truly overcoming sexual impurity.

‘“Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!” (which all refer to things destined to perish with use) – in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? There are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.” Colossians 2: 21-23

Your will power is insufficient for a complete deliverance. When I finally gave up trying to overcome in my own strength, I began to confess to God that I needed the empowerment of His Holy Spirit to overcome. Ladies, that made a world of difference in overcoming sexual impurity.

4) Know your identity in Christ.

For some strange reason, I falsely believed that the enemy had power over me in this area. Then, God revealed the truth about my identity in Christ after reading Neil Anderson’s ‘Victory Over the Darkness’. It was like a wall of deceit came crumbling down over my life. I had gotten a lot of victory previously, but understanding who I am in Christ, completely broke the remaining lies that continued to keep me in bondage.

“Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.” John 17:17

“But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, [18] and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.” Romans 6:17-18

5) Renew your mind by memorizing and meditating on the Word of God.

The Word of God is of utmost importance in your fight to overcome any form of sexual addiction. Praying your own words is good, but praying the Word of God is infinitely better. In Ephesians 6:20, it is written that the sword of the Spirit is the Word of God.

“Your Word have I treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You.” Psalm 119:11

About twelve years ago, I started memorizing Scriptures more diligently. This habit has changed my life in so many ways. It has increased my faith; fueled my prayers; strengthened my convictions; and deepened my love for God.

In order to overcome your sexual addictive habits (or any other undesirable habit), you need to form new habits. Why not make scripture memorization and meditation one of them? You will not regret it. Allow God’s Word to go from your head to deep in your heart where it will transform your entire being. When the desire to engage in sexual activity comes, you can train yourself to bounce those thoughts and replace with God’s Word.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

6) Disclose to a trusted friend.

As long as your habit continues in secrecy, you will probably remain in bondage. For some people, an accountability friend is the missing link in their deliverance from sexual addiction.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16

It is certainly a frightening step, but a necessary one. Ask God to show you the person with whom you can openly share your struggle. Also, I would recommend choosing a fellow Christian sister.

You want someone who will be:

• Confidential.
• Pray for you.
• Encourage you to be like Christ.
• Make time to keep you accountable.
• Be firm when needed.
• Celebrate with you when you make progress.
• Ask you the hard questions when you meet.

“Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

7) Be radical.

How badly do you want this freedom? If you’re absolutely sick and tired with being a slave to your sexual addictive habit, you will need to be radical and run from anything or anyone that opposes your deliverance.

“If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:29-30

Here are some options that you might want to consider:

• Take a break from social media if it triggers your appetite.
• Block friends (in real life or social media) who post or encourage you to engage in any form of porn.
• Install anti-porn software on your devices.
• Place a block on porn sites.
• Position your mobile device or computer so that others can see what you are viewing.
• Destroy any material with sexually explicit content.

“Do not enter the path of the wicked and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; turn away from it and pass on.” Proverbs 4:14-15

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23

8) Fill your life with meaningful relationships, purposeful work and physical exercise.

God

The most important relationship is your relationship with God. Instead of running from God, run to Him instead. It doesn’t matter how awful your sin is, He loves you unconditionally and wants to set you free.

Friendships and community

In a person’s search for intimacy, they seek out porn. It’s simply a very poor substitute for real human relationships. Joining a physical community and becoming actively involved will be worth your time and effort. You need deep relationships where you can be known, accepted and loved. Of course, you need to do the same for others for the relationships to be healthy.

Serving others

Volunteer your time and skills to serving others. It will add significance to your life and kill boredom.

Physical exercise

Exercise helps to reduce stress levels and it can also be an avenue for making friends. Join an exercise group or a dance class. Get that blood pumping!

9) Understand the triggers and make a plan to deal with them.

You need to understand yourself. What external and internal triggers your habit? What are the root causes? Keeping a journal may help you to record your thoughts, actions and progress. Check out ‘10 Easy Tips to Start Journaling Today’.

Here are the most common triggers:

• Boredom
• Sexy images on social media
• Stress
• Oversleeping (this was mine!)
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Tiredness
• Loneliness
• Anger
• Hunger
• Emotional wounds
• Escape from reality
• Sadness
• Fear
• Abuse

What are the entry points in your life?

Check out ‘Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life’.

When do you engage in the habit?

• You’re home alone.
• You stay up late.
• Before you go to bed.
• During lunch time at work.

How often do you view porn?

• Hourly
• Weekly
• Monthly
• Once in a while

Now that you understand yourself a little better, you need to take preventative measures.

Examples:

• If it usually happens on a Saturday when you’re free, you may schedule activities like exercising; learning a new skill; going out with friends; or visiting an orphanage.
• If you’re working on a highly-stressful project and you use porn as a coping mechanism on Friday evenings, maybe you can plan to spend time with friends and family on Friday evenings at the beginning of the week.

10) Be patient and celebrate your growth.

A person can be set free immediately, but I suspect that for most of us, it will take months and even years. The results may not come quickly enough for you, so you need to be patient with yourself. The good news is that you will eventually see light at the end of this dark destruction tunnel.

Your total freedom will come in bits and portions. It is quite normal to experience relapses, but you will notice that the relapses will occur less frequently as your brain forms stronger neural pathways to new healthier habits and weaken the pathways to the former destructive habits.

“If the porn habits are not reinforced, they will eventually disappear. Your brain can create new pathways for a new and healthy habit.” www.fightthenewdrug.org

Learn to celebrate your progress. God is at work in your life, even when you are clueless.

In summary…

Anything that controls us as Christian women, apart from the Holy Spirit, is never good news.

Freedom is sweet and is worth the effort! You can experience total freedom from anything that enslaves you.

You can beat porn addiction as you implement some of the above tips, namely, admitting that you have a problem; being real with God; relying on the power of the Holy Spirit; knowing your identity in Christ; renewing your mind by memorizing and meditating on the Word of God; disclosing your problem to a trusted friend; taking radical steps; filling your life with meaningful relationships, purposeful work and physical activity; understanding the triggers and making a plan to deal with them; and finally, being patient and celebrating your growth.

Need further help?

If you’re still not experiencing any progress over time, you may need to see a therapist who specializes in this area.

I’d love to hear your own views on the matter. What tips would you give to someone who is struggling with porn addiction or any other sexual addictions? Comment below so that other women could be helped as well. Subscribe and you will receive your free printable ‘12 Powerful Scripture Passages to Help Break Addiction’ that you can memorize. You’ll also receive weekly emails to help you develop your relationship with God and with others. Thanks for stopping by!

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Related article:

Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your life

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended books:

‘Victory Over the Darkness: Realize the Power of Your Identity in Christ’ by Neil Anderson

‘The Bondage Breaker: Overcoming Negative Thoughts, Irrational Feelings and Habitual Sins’ by Neil Anderson

‘The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About’ by Josh Mc Dowell

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post How to Beat Porn Addiction and Other Sexual Addictions | 10 Practical Tips appeared first on Petals Bloom.