What a Long Wait for a Husband Reveals About You

None of us likes a long wait. We would quickly choose the self-checkout express lane of the supermarket over a long line.

In my teenage years, I remember reading a magazine article and the author suggested that, based on research, 27 would be a good age to marry.  “Aha! That is what I will work towards!” I secretly said to myself. To enhance my dream life, I added 6 children 😂 (probably influenced by some movie)! 

I thought I was heading toward that goal when I entered my first relationship near the end of my college years. 🙌🏽  Then, we broke up after a very long courtship.  For 13 years thereafter, my landscape of love resembled a dry blistering dessert, filled with disappointments.  My dream wedding at age 27 and my 6 beautiful children faded away as I trudged through this desert, devoid of any oasis of romance. 

However, my long wait wasn’t in vain.  It tested me to my very core. Check out my “Is Marriage an Idol?” self-assessment!

Have you been waiting long as well? 

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4 

Here are 6 tests that a long wait for a husband reveals about you:

1) Obedience test – Will you choose to be obedient?  

Or, will you take matters into your own hands?  Would you be faithful to God or would you give into temptation to do what is right in your own eyes?

The longer you remain single, you will face the obedience test.  Your choice will be to obey God or give into the pressures of our culture or even your own desires.  

Here are the 3 top temptations that you may face as a single Christian woman:

• Marrying an unbeliever (or even a worldly Christian).
• Giving into sexual immorality. 
• Intentionally having a child before marriage.

2) Character test – Will you become more Christ-like?

When you have been waiting long, it tests your character.  

Here are some character-related decisions that you might face:

• Choosing to surrender your desires versus choosing to give into the desires of your flesh.
• Developing a grateful heart versus complaining regularly that God is withholding the one thing in life that you want the most.
• Using your words and body to serve and glorify God versus using them to trap men like the wayward woman in Proverbs 7.
• Dressing modestly so that men will be curious about your heart or dressing in a seductive manner where all men (even Christian men) will be tempted to think ONLY sexual thoughts of you.
• Conducting yourself where people around you know that you’re a christian by your words and actions versus living in a way where a person will only know you’re a Christian because you say that you are one.

Being single is the season of life where you can choose to follow Christ wholeheartedly.  It is an opportunity to draw others to Christ by your Christian witness, which goes a lot deeper than mere talk.

3) Idol test – Is God the love of your life?

Ask yourself the question – “If I were to never get married and have children, would I faithfully follow Christ until my last breath?”  What emotion(s) do you feel as you ask that question?

Sincerely search your heart.  But even better than that, ask the Holy Spirit to show you the truth.  Also, you can take my “Is marriage an idol?” self-assessment to see where you are at and get the password for my resource library.

About five years before my husband and I courted, I had to make my peace with God about remaining single for life.  In essence, I surrendered my desire to be married to God.  I dethroned the idol of marriage in my heart and allowed God to take His rightful place.  As a result, I received a new enjoyment of being single.  

4) Contentment test – Is God enough for you?

A long wait for marriage will show you if you are satisfied with God only.  Can you be happy if Jesus were to be the only one to pursue and love you? 

When you are single for longer than you hoped, you can be tempted to go from one relationship to another.  With each new romance, you are on cloud nine.  When the relationship ends, you feel rejected and defeated, but soon you’re in another relationship or crushing on someone else.  

Take a break and focus on the greatest love of your soul.  You will find that romantic relationships might be thrilling, but your love for Jesus is more gratifying.

Ladies, you do not need a husband to complete you.  Christ already completed you when you invited Him into your life as your personal Lord and Savior.  

5) Maturity test – “How will you respond when God says ‘No’ or ‘Wait’?”

Perfection in the New Testament generally refers to maturity.  Oftentimes, we erroneously mistake maturity for service rendered; length of time being a Christian; success in ministry; spiritual gifts; leadership positions; memorizing verses and the like.  However, real maturity shows when testing and trials come.  They reveal what we truly believe about God.  Our level of maturity shows when God says “no” or “wait”.

Questions to ask yourself when God says “no” or “wait”:

• Do you respond with a temper tantrum? 
• Do you start to sulk?  
• Would you go with a married man who has separated from his wife and justify that he’s soon to be single?
• Do you confess your disappointment, but you resolve to trust God and His timing and His ways regardless of the perceived personal costs to you?
• Would you go with an unbeliever and say that you’re trying to bring him to Christ?
• Do you complain constantly when things don’t turn out the way you’d like them to?

Wherever you are at, God is always willing to help you to grow.  He’s waiting for your invitation.

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7) Joy test – Will you be joyful if you never marry?

I learnt early as a Christian that happiness depends on circumstances and joy does not.  Rather, joy depends on a growing vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ.  A long wait can squeeze the joy out of you, if you let it.  Social media and external pressures can make matters worse.

Suggestions for having joy while you wait:

• Abide in Christ; 
• Cultivate a grateful heart; 
• Seek to experience the presence of God continually (read “The Practice of the Presence of God” by Brother Lawrence)
• Surround yourself with loving people who will uphold you in prayer;
• Be around people who are positive and joyful.

It is better to learn to be joyful when you’re single.  You’ll need it for all of life, including marriage.

Related articles:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

Why Jesus is Better Than a Husband | 10 Epic Reasons

Summary 

Like you, I also went through the above tests during my single years. I had to wrestle with what I truly believed about God. I have learnt that the end goal is NOT marriage and children, but remaining faithful to God. My long years of singleness changed me into the woman that I am today. 

God understands your desire for a husband because He made you that way.  The wait might be long for many reasons.  However, as followers of Jesus, the process is even more important than the goals (marriage, children, dream job, house, etc).  Whether you get married or not, loving God with your entire being is the worthiest goal for every follower of Jesus.  

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

Dear ladies, you are very precious to God.  Allow Him to completely fill any void you might have as a single woman.   When Jesus becomes your everything, you will enjoy being single even more and also, you will have a better chance of enjoying marriage (if it happens).  

What tests do you believe that you have done through or are currently facing?  What advice would you give to other single women being tested right now? What has been the most difficult test (to date) that you have faced?  Comment below! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love and laughter,

Kimberly Garth

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