Confidence is like a magnet in all your relationships. It’s in your best interest to become a more confident woman. It will affect your …

Success on a job interview;

Ability to form new friends and business associates;

Courage to ask for a pay increase;

Interactions with mere strangers; and 

Desirability with men;

Ability to deal with and stop abusive behavior from others;

Capacity to attract the right type of people in your life.

Confidence has more to do with your inner self than your outward appearance. It took me years to come to the place where I felt comfortable being me. I’m now at a point where I fully embrace and love myself. 

Here are 7 tips to become a more confident woman:

1) Know and appreciate your worth.

You’re made in the image and likeness of God and you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). There’s no else on this planet who is exactly like you. No other human being has exactly the same combination of your experiences, thoughts, views, talents, etc. You’re an original and a woman of great worth. 

Also, you need to refrain from comparing yourself with others in order to become a more confident woman. Embrace and celebrate who you are. You have special qualities that the world needs. 

Action steps:

• Take an inventory of all strengths. 
• Ask your family, friends and coworkers about your uniqueness and your contribution to existing relationships. 
• Stop comparing yourself with others.

Questions to consider:

• Do you have a knack for thinking out of the box?
• Do you lighten the mood of the office as you enter?
• Are you a good story-teller?
• What special skills do you possess?
• Are you an administrative genius?
• Do you make people laugh until they cry?
• Are you the type of woman who loves helping others? 
• Do you find ways to insert a compliment and uplifting words to people that you meet? 
• Are you genuinely concerned about others?
• Do you give good wholesome advice? 
• Are you gentle and humble? 

2) Surround yourself with people who uplift you.

I have a friend who has an incredible gift of encouragement. In every response (email, text or direct speech), she always seems to slip in an affirming word. I feel encouraged by every interaction with her.

There are two kinds of criticisms – constructive and destructive. Constructive criticism can be instrumental to our overall growth, but it can hurt at times. Whereas, destructive criticism can wound your soul and is generally unhelpful. 

If a close friend or relative, “Jackie”, is consistently negative in her opinion of you, you may need to have a serious conversation with “Jackie”. If she is unwilling to change, pray that God would touch and change her heart. Perhaps “Jackie’s” her soul has been severely hurt and she is projecting her hurt unto you. In the meantime, you may need to seek out emotionally healthier friends. You may also need to limit your interactions with “Jackie” for a while.

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20 

“A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” Proverbs 12:26

Tips on dealing with destructive criticism from friends or relatives:

• Stay calm.
• Smile.
• Pray for them. 
• Refute their criticism.

You need to develop ways and the ability to handle negative people. When they realize their negatively has lost its grip over you, they may begin to change their conversations toward you or they may decide that the relationship is no longer worth their time. As you grow to become a more confident emotionally healthy woman, you will attract people who are like-minded.

I currently don’t have any close friends or relatives who put me down. I cannot recall actively distancing myself from anyone. They are either not around me or they must have realized that I will not tolerate their negativity. If a person cannot say anything constructive, they should be silent. 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 

3) Humbly receive compliments and internalize them.

How do you react when someone sincerely pays you a compliment? Instead of denying it, you can smile and say ‘thank you’. If several people compliment you on the same physical attribute or character trait, then it gives validity to their claims. 

4) Deal with past trauma.

When I was a pre-teen, I will never forget the comment about my legs by two of my neighbors, also in their pre-teens. It stung me and caused me to hide my legs for many years. Oftentimes, we internalize negative words and traumatic experiences until it becomes a part of our daily reality. As the years progress, we may not even remember the traumatic incident, so we’re clueless why we think or act the way we do. 

The good news is that we have God’s Holy Spirit who can guide us into all truth …even the truth about our past. We need to be aware of the trauma; deal with it in the present; and renew our minds to embrace God’s truth in our lives.

Action steps:

A) Think about the negative views that you have about yourself. 

Debilitating thoughts:

• I’m ugly.
• I’m dull and unintelligent.
• My life will never amount to anything good.
• I’ll always fail.
• No good man will ever want me.

B) Ask God to reveal to you the source of these thoughts. What damaging words or traumatic experiences have occurred that have sowed these self-hatred?

C) Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth about you and ask for His help in changing your internal beliefs.

D) If you’re not seeing any improvement, see a wise counselor. I would recommend a Christian one who is biblically sound.

5) Self-care.

We might think that men are the only ones who appreciate a woman’s beauty, but women are also drawn to another woman’s beauty. I often find myself admiring another woman’s clear complexion, curly hair, eyes, facial structure, teeth and smile. When you see a beautiful woman (or man), you cannot help but look. 

Therefore, we should seek to enhance our God-giving attributes. We all possess characteristics that make us attractive. When we feel good about our physical appearance, it is reflected in our deportment and interaction with others. 

When I feel unattractive, I want to hide. I cannot even make good eye contact. On the contrary, when I feel pretty, there’s a ‘pep in my step’. I walk “tall” and my interactions are more positive. Besides your physical appearance, we need to also care for our emotions and our spirits.

Questions to consider:

• What are your best attributes?
• What improvements can you make to your appearance?
• Should you begin exercising (regardless of your body mass)?
• When was the last time you took time to relax and think?
• Are you getting sufficient sleep?
• Have you cultivated the habit of meditating on God’s Word?

“The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.” Psalm 19:7 

6) Continuous growth and development

We feel good about ourselves when we’re productive, progressing and developing. Our aim should be to learn something new every day. If you’re not continually growing, you will become stagnant and boring. 

Another key aspect of growth is the ability to complete your projects and reach your goals. Persons who have trained themselves to give up can never feel good about themselves. Whatever you set out to do, complete the task at hand with excellence. Don’t give up in the middle or close to the end…finish reading the book; complete the course; and put the final touches on that project. Like with everything else, we must train ourselves and not give into our moods when the challenges come. And they will come!

Questions to consider:

• Which projects do you need to complete?
• What must you do now to grow your capacity for future success (relationships, career, finances, etc.)
• What course could you enroll in?
• Which country or local site can you visit?
• Should you learn another language?
• Have you considered learning a new skill like cooking, photography or painting?
• What are some key areas of weaknesses on which you need to work? 

7) Align yourself to God.

For children of the light (true followers of Jesus), we must become women of integrity. Our beliefs and actions must line up with the character of God as shown in His Word. True christians can never be truly happy and confident if they are conflicted in their souls. 

For instance:

• Premarital sex (including foreolay) is wrong and you’re having sexual relations with your boyfriend, you’ll never have full confidence.
• Cheating and lying to enhance your career opportunities, you’ll be utterly miserable in time to come.
• Harboring malice and unforgiveness in your heart, full joy will not be your portion.  

Related article: 7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity 

When you are quiet and all alone, how do you feel about yourself deep within? Are you fully at peace? Is your heart full of joy? If the answers are “no”, then you need to do some soul searching. Something isn’t right. You are internally troubled about something or someone. 

Tips:

• Take a sober view of your life.
• Write down all the areas that are in mis-alignment with God.
• Confess any known sin.
• Renew your mind by reading and meditation on God’s Word.
• Confess any known sin to a faithful trusted Christian who can pray for you and hold you accountable.
• Ask the Holy Spirit to help you to overcome.

Related Articles:

Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman

Is He Showing Interest? 10 Pointers to Keep Your Confidence Intact

Summary

Physical attractiveness lends to us some level of confidence, but to be deeply confident, you need to deal with your soul. Know and appreciate your worth; surround yourself with people who uplift you; humbly receive compliments and internalize them; deal with past trauma; self-care; continuous growth and development; and align yourself to God. 

What has helped you to become a more confident woman? Comment below and share your words of wisdom with us. Thanks for dropping by!

With love,

Kimberly 

Recommended book:

A Confident Heart: How to Stop Doubting Yourself & Live in the Security of God’s Promises.

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