Suppose You Never Get Married … 10 Ways to Deal With It 

“Simone” is an attractive intelligent woman who loves Jesus.  For years, she has prayed over and over (and over and over again) that God would bring her “Boaz” into her life.  There has been a few close calls with single men.  

But to date, nothing has matured into a relationship leading to marriage.  She’s beginning to wonder if she’ll ever get married and have children.  That dismal thought brings tears to her eyes.  

“Simone”, like many single Christian women today, needs to address this possible outcome.  She may never get married. Therefore, how should she deal with this harsh disappointment of remaining single for the rest of her days?

Marriage is not guaranteed to you, even if you have love the Lord and seek to be faithful to Him.  The truth of the matter is that you live in a fallen world and some of your desires will remain unfulfilled.  

My story 

Before I got married (last year), I wasn’t in a romantic relationship for thirteen years.  Naturally, as the years went by, I began to lose hope of ever getting married.  

As such, I can relate to “Simone”.  One day, a few years ago, I had to face the possible realization that I might never get married … ever!  Also, I felt that my desire to get married was squeezing the joy out of living. Sadly, getting married did become an idol in my life and that idol needed to die.

My question to you …

Suppose you never get married, how are you doing to deal with this?

Here are 10 ways to deal with the disappointment of possibly never getting married:

1) Surrender your desire to God.

This is the first step to freedom and peace about never getting married.  Completely surrender this area of your life to God. Surrender might seem like defeat, but you’re not surrendering to an enemy who will crush you.  

You are surrendering to the Almighty gracious loving capable God who will be replace your disappointment with hope; your sadness with joy; your bondage with freedom; and your misplaced affection to the only God who can meet all your inner longings.  He’s that good!

2) Build intimacy with Christ.

Since you have been faithfully following and serving God, you may have come to believe that marriage is a right or an entitlement.  God has not promised to give husbands to all single Christian women.  

Instead, He has promised an even better gift.  He has promised to love you better than any man and to always be there for you. A husband is really a temporary earthly substitute for the real deal (Jesus).  Jesus is more than enough for all of us.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

3) Rely on God’s grace daily.

It is certainly not easy dealing with the possibility that you’ll be single for the rest of your life.  Therefore, you need to rely on God’s supernatural grace every day.  Some days will be easy and some days would be downright difficult. 

Binging on romantic movies and novels will temporarily numb your emotions, but unfortunately, they might further deepen your dissatisfaction with being single.  That’s not helpful if you want to enjoy being single.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV

4) Take a break from romantic literature.

What you allow into your soul will impact your thoughts and emotions.  Before I came to my point of surrendering my desire for marriage to God, I would devour many resources on relationships.  

I needed to figure out what I was doing wrong and discover the path to meeting the right man.  After my surrender to God, my focus shifted.  I began to read other literature that developed me, my relationship with God and my career.  It was a refreshing break. 

5) Build non-romantic friendships with men.

You need to retrain yourself to see attractive single men as brothers in Christ and not only as potential husbands.  If you keep on seeing them as potential husbands, you might be missing out some awesome friendships.

This was a little trickier for me since I was shy with attractive eligible men.  Honestly, it took me a few more years to grow in this area.  

6) Channel your energies in investing in others.

Besides cultivating intimacy with God, there’s nothing better and nurturing than helping others.  Use your time, gifts and resources to invest in the lives of others.

Options:

• Sharing the gospel.
• Disciplining or mentoring younger women.
• Visiting widows.
• Taking care of the sick.
• Seeing about orphans.
• Providing for the poor.
• Teaching new skills to people who need a breakthrough in life.
• Fighting against an ill in society like human trafficking.

There’s so much work to do.  By being the hands and feet of Jesus, you’ll be placing your focus on other people and be able to resist the “doom and gloom” of possibly never getting married.  

7) Enjoy your current reality.

As a single woman, you have a lot to be grateful for.  Check out “5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful”.  Take some time to think about all the benefits of being single and express your gratitude to God for your single state.  How about writing a love letter to God telling him about your thankfulness?

8) Focus on eternity.

Take a pen and place a dot on the largest blank page that you can find.  The dot represents your life now and the rest of the blank page represents eternity (but eternity never ends).  This life is too short to focus on getting married and becoming bitter if it doesn’t happen.

Whenever disappointments come my way, I remember that life, as I know it, will come to an end.  Don’t you realise how time is flying?!? Weren’t you a teenager just the other day?

You will not always have to deal with the disappointment of never getting married to an earthly husband.  Eventually, you’ll be a part of the greatest marriage when the Bride of Christ (us) will be united with Her Savior!  No marriage on earth will ever compare to that!

Ladies, try not to despair about possibly never getting married.  God has better in store for you. Undoubtedly, He hasn’t forgotten you. 

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NIV

9) Become your best self.

Life is too short to be wasted.  Therefore, channel your focus into growing yourself in every area.  Be a good steward of your talents, your relationships and your God-given passions.  Don’t live a life of regret.  

10) Resist blaming yourself and others.

You may have rejected “Tom” and “Bill”.  Or you have wasted your time on “John” although you were sufficiently warned by others.  Or you may blame God or the devil for your misfortune of remaining single.  

Come to terms with the state of singleness and trust in the sovereignty and goodness of God. Regardless of the reasons you might be single, God promises that He will work it all out.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28 NIV

Related articles:

5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful

5 Crazy Things People Say to Single Women

Summary 

You might be disappointed with the way your life has turned out.  I understand what your thoughts and feelings are like. As such, I want you to know that your disappointment with possibly never getting married doesn’t have to defeat you.  

You can still be full of joy, laughter, contentment, peace and fulfilment as a single woman.  But it all depends on you. What will you choose to dwell on?

Here are 10 ways to help you deal with the possibility of never getting married:

1. Surrender your desire to God.
2. Build intimacy with Christ.
3. Rely on God’s grace daily.
4. Take a break from romantic literature.
5. Build non-romantic friendships with men.
6. Channel your energies in investing in others.
7. Enjoy your current reality.
8. Focus on eternity.
9. Become your best self.
10. Resist blaming yourself and others.

What other tips have helped you to enjoy singleness when marriage seemed like a lost dream?  Please comment below and help other single Christian woman who might be struggling at this time. 

If you’d like me to help you grow in your relationships with God and others, subscribe and you’ll receive my weekly emails to help you grow.  You’ll also receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity Checklist”. You can also reply to my emails and let me know what’s happening with you.  Thanks for stopping by!

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With love,

Kimberly

Recommended books:

“Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?: Trusting God With a Hope Deferred” By Carolyn McCulley

“Lies Young Women Believe And The Truth That Sets Them Free” by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth & Dannah Gresh

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