Help! It’s controlling me!

You keep getting drawn back into that habit. You tell God that you’ll never do it again. But that promise is short-lived. Can you beat porn addiction?

You’re ashamed of your behavior, but you can’t seem to stop it. After each episode, you end up feeling disgusted because you gave in yet another time. You plead for God’s forgiveness, but within days (or hours), you’ve entered the cycle of pleasure-guilt-shame-confessing your sin. You go back again and again.

Are you now plagued for life by this uncontrollable habit?

It’s affecting your ability to concentrate; your relationships; your motivation to work and study; and even your desire for marriage is beginning to wane. Spending time with God is becoming joyless. Why would God even want to hear from you in this sinful state? You’re just fed-up of disappointing God.

“I’ve put an end to it but these images keep haunting me.“

Or perhaps, you’ve successful stopped looking at all pornographic stimuli (videos, books, movies, social media, etc). You’ve kicked that habit but sexually impure thoughts and fantasies keep invading your mind. Instead of looking at porn, you’re creating porn in your mind. You wonder, ‘will this battle ever end? Is it possible to beat porn addiction forever?’

God wants the best for us.

We live in a world that makes light of these issues. To adopt the world’s laissez-faire attitude about sex and sex-related matters, will only lead us into bondage and unhappiness. However, for every growing Christian, our standard is holiness and purity in our body as well as in our minds. 1 Peter 1:16 says, ‘For it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.’

God can help you to fully beat porn addiction and every other form of sexual addiction, whether it is hardcore porn, soft porn, sexually impure thoughts, masturbation or anything that contradicts God’s character of holiness. As a matter of fact, He’s the one who has placed the desire in you to beat porn addiction. Not only has he placed in you the desire for holiness, His power is also available to you.

“For it is God who works in you to WILL and to ACT according to his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13

In order to beat porn addiction and other sexual addictions, you need a multi-prong approach. It should involve spiritual, social, mental, emotional and physical dimensions.

Here are 10 practical tips to help you to beat porn addiction and other sexual addictions:

1) Admit that you have a problem.

This might be the hardest step, but it is very crucial. Before, you can get any help, you first have to confess that you have a problem. Denying or making excuses will leave you in bondage.  Also, it is tempting to compare ourselves with others, but that is always unhelpful when it comes to life change. Our standard is God and no other human being.

I was a virgin when I married and my first kiss was at the altar after we were pronounced husband and wife. Did I consider myself sexually pure? No way!

Your excuses may sound like these:

• “It’s not so bad.”
• “Everyone is doing it.”
• “It’ll show me what to do when I get married.”
• “I’m not harming anyone.”
• “It’s better than not having actual sex.”
• “I will not get pregnant.”
• “Since I’m not married, it’s okay to meet my sexual needs in this way.”
• “Who’s going to know about it?”
• “This is the absolute last time.”
• “It’s not a sin.”

“People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

2) Be real with God.

Many times in life, we are aware of our problem, but it’s simply sweeter to continue in our sin. Sexual addiction is so enticing. Intellectually, we know that we need help, but we’re just not ready to be obedient to God. God is well acquainted with our struggles and as such, it’s just better to be honest with Him. One of my mentors taught me the importance of just telling God where we are at and asking for His help.

It’s a simple prayer: ‘Lord, I’m not willing, but help me to be willing.’

I would also recommend praying daily for God’s strength to resist all forms of sexual temptations and ask Him to fill your needs. With the Almighty’s help, you can beat porn addiction.

3) Rely on the power of the Holy Spirit.

You can promise to God that you’ll never to it again a thousand times more, but you will end up doing it again and again. The truth is that you need the power of God’s Holy Spirit who is in the life of every true believer. Religion cannot help anyone in truly overcoming sexual impurity.

‘“Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!” (which all refer to things destined to perish with use) – in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? There are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.” Colossians 2: 21-23

Your will power is insufficient for a complete deliverance. When I finally gave up trying to overcome in my own strength, I began to confess to God that I needed the empowerment of His Holy Spirit to overcome. Ladies, that made a world of difference in overcoming sexual impurity.

4) Know your identity in Christ.

For some strange reason, I falsely believed that the enemy had power over me in this area. Then, God revealed the truth about my identity in Christ after reading Neil Anderson’s ‘Victory Over the Darkness’. It was like a wall of deceit came crumbling down over my life. I had gotten a lot of victory previously, but understanding who I am in Christ, completely broke the remaining lies that continued to keep me in bondage.

“Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.” John 17:17

“But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, [18] and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.” Romans 6:17-18

5) Renew your mind by memorizing and meditating on the Word of God.

The Word of God is of utmost importance in your fight to overcome any form of sexual addiction. Praying your own words is good, but praying the Word of God is infinitely better. In Ephesians 6:20, it is written that the sword of the Spirit is the Word of God.

“Your Word have I treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You.” Psalm 119:11

About twelve years ago, I started memorizing Scriptures more diligently. This habit has changed my life in so many ways. It has increased my faith; fueled my prayers; strengthened my convictions; and deepened my love for God.

In order to overcome your sexual addictive habits (or any other undesirable habit), you need to form new habits. Why not make scripture memorization and meditation one of them? You will not regret it. Allow God’s Word to go from your head to deep in your heart where it will transform your entire being. When the desire to engage in sexual activity comes, you can train yourself to bounce those thoughts and replace with God’s Word.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

6) Disclose to a trusted friend.

As long as your habit continues in secrecy, you will probably remain in bondage. For some people, an accountability friend is the missing link in their deliverance from sexual addiction.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16

It is certainly a frightening step, but a necessary one. Ask God to show you the person with whom you can openly share your struggle. Also, I would recommend choosing a fellow Christian sister.

You want someone who will be:

• Confidential.
• Pray for you.
• Encourage you to be like Christ.
• Make time to keep you accountable.
• Be firm when needed.
• Celebrate with you when you make progress.
• Ask you the hard questions when you meet.

“Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

7) Be radical.

How badly do you want this freedom? If you’re absolutely sick and tired with being a slave to your sexual addictive habit, you will need to be radical and run from anything or anyone that opposes your deliverance.

“If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:29-30

Here are some options that you might want to consider:

• Take a break from social media if it triggers your appetite.
• Block friends (in real life or social media) who post or encourage you to engage in any form of porn.
• Install anti-porn software on your devices.
• Place a block on porn sites.
• Position your mobile device or computer so that others can see what you are viewing.
• Destroy any material with sexually explicit content.

“Do not enter the path of the wicked and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; turn away from it and pass on.” Proverbs 4:14-15

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23

8) Fill your life with meaningful relationships, purposeful work and physical exercise.

God

The most important relationship is your relationship with God. Instead of running from God, run to Him instead. It doesn’t matter how awful your sin is, He loves you unconditionally and wants to set you free.

Friendships and community

In a person’s search for intimacy, they seek out porn. It’s simply a very poor substitute for real human relationships. Joining a physical community and becoming actively involved will be worth your time and effort. You need deep relationships where you can be known, accepted and loved. Of course, you need to do the same for others for the relationships to be healthy.

Serving others

Volunteer your time and skills to serving others. It will add significance to your life and kill boredom.

Physical exercise

Exercise helps to reduce stress levels and it can also be an avenue for making friends. Join an exercise group or a dance class. Get that blood pumping!

9) Understand the triggers and make a plan to deal with them.

You need to understand yourself. What external and internal triggers your habit? What are the root causes? Keeping a journal may help you to record your thoughts, actions and progress. Check out ‘10 Easy Tips to Start Journaling Today’.

Here are the most common triggers:

• Boredom
• Sexy images on social media
• Stress
• Oversleeping (this was mine!)
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Tiredness
• Loneliness
• Anger
• Hunger
• Emotional wounds
• Escape from reality
• Sadness
• Fear
• Abuse

What are the entry points in your life?

Check out ‘Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life’.

When do you engage in the habit?

• You’re home alone.
• You stay up late.
• Before you go to bed.
• During lunch time at work.

How often do you view porn?

• Hourly
• Weekly
• Monthly
• Once in a while

Now that you understand yourself a little better, you need to take preventative measures.

Examples:

• If it usually happens on a Saturday when you’re free, you may schedule activities like exercising; learning a new skill; going out with friends; or visiting an orphanage.
• If you’re working on a highly-stressful project and you use porn as a coping mechanism on Friday evenings, maybe you can plan to spend time with friends and family on Friday evenings at the beginning of the week.

10) Be patient and celebrate your growth.

A person can be set free immediately, but I suspect that for most of us, it will take months and even years. The results may not come quickly enough for you, so you need to be patient with yourself. The good news is that you will eventually see light at the end of this dark destruction tunnel.

Your total freedom will come in bits and portions. It is quite normal to experience relapses, but you will notice that the relapses will occur less frequently as your brain forms stronger neural pathways to new healthier habits and weaken the pathways to the former destructive habits.

“If the porn habits are not reinforced, they will eventually disappear. Your brain can create new pathways for a new and healthy habit.” www.fightthenewdrug.org

Learn to celebrate your progress. God is at work in your life, even when you are clueless.

In summary…

Anything that controls us as Christian women, apart from the Holy Spirit, is never good news.

Freedom is sweet and is worth the effort! You can experience total freedom from anything that enslaves you.

You can beat porn addiction as you implement some of the above tips, namely, admitting that you have a problem; being real with God; relying on the power of the Holy Spirit; knowing your identity in Christ; renewing your mind by memorizing and meditating on the Word of God; disclosing your problem to a trusted friend; taking radical steps; filling your life with meaningful relationships, purposeful work and physical activity; understanding the triggers and making a plan to deal with them; and finally, being patient and celebrating your growth.

Need further help?

If you’re still not experiencing any progress over time, you may need to see a therapist who specializes in this area.

I’d love to hear your own views on the matter. What tips would you give to someone who is struggling with porn addiction or any other sexual addictions? Comment below so that other women could be helped as well. Subscribe and you will receive your free printable ‘12 Powerful Scripture Passages to Help Break Addiction’ that you can memorize. You’ll also receive weekly emails to help you develop your relationship with God and with others. Thanks for stopping by!

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Related article:

Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your life

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended books:

‘Victory Over the Darkness: Realize the Power of Your Identity in Christ’ by Neil Anderson

‘The Bondage Breaker: Overcoming Negative Thoughts, Irrational Feelings and Habitual Sins’ by Neil Anderson

‘The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About’ by Josh Mc Dowell

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