Elizabeth, a talented architect in her forties, was finding her faith affected by a lifetime of waiting. She had meticulously followed the dating advice, even paying for dating apps. Yet another birthday passed without the promise of marriage. Sitting alone in her squeaky-clean apartment, she sighed, “I can’t do this anymore”. Are you like Elizabeth? Have you given up hope of finding love when you’re older?

if you’re like me a few years ago, you might be looking at the dating landscape after your 30th birthday and thinking, “Is this ever going to happen?” “Am I going to find love now that I’m older?”

I got married later in life, and I know the thoughts that swirl around: “The good ones are taken.” or “My time is running out”. I get it. But here’s the truth I want to anchor you in today: God is not limited by your age. People get married in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. You can find love when you are older.

It’s a fact that the longer you wait, the fewer available single men there are. But with eight billion people in the world, it is absolutely not impossible for God to bring your guy to you. Someone else’s reality does not have to be your reality as well.

Here are 9 essential shifts to prepare yourself for a Christ-centered, God-honoring marriage:

1) Cultivate Humility and Resist Superiority.

As you become successful in your career and grow in spiritual maturity, it’s easy to unintentionally project an air of superiority, especially towards men. A healthy, respectable man does not want to be with a woman who constantly reminds him he is her inferior. He wants to know his leadership is valued and that he brings worth to the relationship.

Tip: Don’t boast about your salary, education, status or your vast biblical knowledge. Be intentional about practicing humility by happily serving others, even in tasks you might consider “beneath” your professional status. Open your eyes to see the value in the men around you and be their number one encourager. Slowly but surely, he will learn a lot about you without you having to boast.

2) Be Positive and Joyful.

At the end of the day, a man is asking himself, “Can I live with her?” As men get older, they generally seek peace, joy, and emotional stability, not stress. If a man feels good about being around you, he’ll be more inclined to want you to play a greater role in his life.

3) Be a Good Steward of Your Body.

Take care of the body God has given you. Exercise regularly and, just as importantly, eat healthily. Reduce your consumption of refined sugars and cut down on white flour. Taking care of your body is a way to honor God and make yourself a desirable and set-apart woman of God.

4) Grow Your Character Continuously.

Your reputation paves the way for you. A godly, gracious, merciful, and forgiving character is attractive. If a good man—perhaps a widower—is looking for a quality woman, would you enter his mind? You don’t need to attract ten men; you just need one good one.

Tip: Reflect on how you interact with people. Do you always have to win an argument or have the last word? Learn when to simply “zip your mouth” and listen to others, using your words for encouragement when you do speak. There’s a time to speak and a time to listen.

5) Deal with Blind Spots and Trauma Issues.

We all have blind spots, and we all carry trauma. If a trusted friend or family member points out an issue to you, don’t deny it. Deal with it. If you’ve had a bad history of relationships or a poor example of marriage from your parents, consider humbly seeking counseling or coaching. You need to give a good man a fair chance of having a healthy relationship with you.

6) Consider Men Who Are Younger or Single Again.

Be open-minded about the man God might bring into your life. You may need to consider men who are a little younger or men who are single again (widowers). Many good men in their 40s and older have never been married, or they’ve lost a loving wife and are now looking for companionship with a mature, spiritually-stable woman to compliment them for the next season of life. Yes, you can find love when you’re older!

7) Explore Dating Apps Strategically.

While meeting someone in person should always be your default, there’s nothing wrong with exploring dating apps to find love online. If you are serious, consider paying for the service. You’ll get better features and visibility, and it often signals a higher level of seriousness from the other users you encounter.

8) Prioritize Family and the Home.

If you have been hyper-focused on your career, it’s time to gain some skills useful for marriage. A man wants to know you can fit in with a family; that you are nurturing; and that you can care for others—whether they are his parents, children, or future grandchildren. You can be a career woman, but you must also learn to manage your home and not think housework is beneath you.

9) Keep Hope Alive.

Do not believe the lie that you are too old to get married. Keep hope alive that you can find love and continue to pray until the Lord takes you home or He returns. The preparation you need for marriage—growing your character, cultivating joy, and being a good steward of your body (to name a few)—is the same preparation you need for Christ’s return. Your efforts will not be wasted.

Summary

I know this journey can feel lonely, but you are not alone. The shifts we discussed are less about finding a man and more about becoming the woman of character who is prepared for him. Your mindset greatly affects how successful you are in the various aspects of your life. Undoubtedly, you can find love when you are older. Invest and adequately prepare for your future marriage, either on earth or to meet our ultimate Bridegroom, Jesus Christ.

To recap,

Here are 9 essential shifts to prepare yourself for a Christ-centered, God-honoring marriage:

1. Cultivate Humility and Resist Superiority.
2. Be Positive and Joyful.
3. Be a Good Steward of Your Body.
4. Grow Your Character Continuously.
5. Deal with Blind Spots and Trauma Issues.
6. Consider Men Who Are Younger or Single Again.
7. Explore Dating Apps Strategically.
8. Prioritize Family and the Home.
9. Keep Hope Alive.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating

5 Tips To Make Yourself Look Great Online

5 Poor Mindsets to Keep You Single for Long

Recommended Books:

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Find Love When You Are Older appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Another year is approaching and you’re still single. To add insult to injury, all your friends are posting engagement photos or gender reveal photos!

The journey of waiting for a godly spouse can be one of the most challenging and refining seasons of life. Drawing from personal experience and biblical wisdom, here are seven essential steps you can take to not only be patient while you wait on God, but to fully embrace and thrive in your singleness.

I thought that the ONLY reason that I was remaining single was because I was waiting on God. Slowly, I became aware of my own need to grapple with the truth about myself and the choices that I had made over the years. Just in case you might be in the same boat as I was, it is helpful to consider a few reasons you might still be single … other than it is God’s will.

• God is waiting for you to change key mindsets. This might involve becoming less rigid in your criteria for a spouse (e.g., only looking at men in full-time ministry like me!); being too hard to please or inflexible; continually being drawn to men who are “bad for you” while ignoring the good men already in your life; or being so fiercely independent that possible suitors get the impression that you don’t need a man in your life.
• A specific person is not ready. While not the norm, it’s possible that God has a specific person in mind, and neither you nor he is yet prepared for the commitment of marriage.
• The enemy is creating hindrances. The enemy does not want good, kingdom-building marriages between growing Christians and may be putting up spiritual obstacles that require intentional prayer.

While you may be waiting on God, God might, in fact, be waiting on you!

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1) Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).

Remember the most important marriage is the one you already have or are headed toward, that is to say, being a part of the Bride of Christ with Jesus as your Bridegroom. This eternal perspective is key to maintaining your sanity and joy. If you don’t marry on Earth, it is not the end of the world! You can still fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

2) Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.

Be brutally honest with yourself about the qualities you desire in a husband. Go through your list prayerfully and with a fine-tooth comb, determining if these items are truly essential or if they are based on vanity, cultural expectations, or unrealistic fantasies. Consider asking a biblically grounded, married Christian couple (married at least five years) to look at your list and help you discern the negotiables from the non-negotiables. While you wait on God, reconsider your “husband list”.

3) Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness

If you are constantly sad about being single, marriage may have become an idol in your life. This is not a healthy place to be. You need to dethrone the idol of marriage and replace it with Christ, the only one worthy of being the Lord of your life. Ask God to help you find contentment and joy in your current season. A joyful single woman who is open to marriage is far more attractive than a desperate one.

4) Make It a Matter of Prayer.

Praying regularly and specifically for your future husband (and asking others to pray for you) is vital. The enemy is actively working to prevent good Christians from uniting for marriage, so intentional, consistent prayer is a necessary defense against his schemes.

5) Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.

Maturing in every aspect of your life is the single most important thing you can do while waiting.

• Soak in God’s Word: The Bible is the ultimate tool for changing faulty mindsets; claiming promises; and repenting of sin. It is essential for Christian growth.
• Be in a Healthy Christian Community: Online services are not enough. You need to be in relationship and “doing life” with other believers to grow, which often involves conflict, encouragement, and accountability (to name a few).
• Find Mature Mentors: Ask God to bring a few mature Christian women (married or single) to disciple and mentor you while you wait on God for marriage.
• Be Wise About Media: Focus on wholesome books, podcasts, and materials that nurture your mind, body, and soul, helping you grow in your career and relationships. Be cautious of romance novels and fantasies—as one friend says, “The one in your bed is not the one in your head.” Fantasy can lead to dissatisfaction with a real, imperfect spouse when you get married.

6) Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.

Don’t let your life stall while you wait on God. Invest your time, emotional, and mental energy into serving others and building the Kingdom of God. Being involved in ministry and helping others grow can be deeply fulfilling and prevent you from being “overly crushed” by remaining single. Christ came not to be served, but to serve—find your joy in being like Him.

7) Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

In today’s age, we have over-complicated marriage. We’ve over-spiritualized some aspects and over-romanticized others (due to Hollywood and romance literature). Getting married doesn’t have to be that difficult. Focus on finding someone with similar Christian views; who is growing in their walk with the Lord; who is intentional about character development; and whose company you enjoy. Be willing to cut down on the man-made obstacles and barriers that prevent you from considering a good man while you wait on God.

In reality, the only sure way to know your time is near is when you are engaged and have a wedding date. While God may give you an impression, generally, people are clueless until they actually meet someone, the relationship gets serious, and a wedding date is set.

Summary

Remember: For the most part, God is waiting on us to become ready. He wants you to:

• Remove unrealistic expectations.
• Be more open to good men he has already connected you with.
• Deal with bad behavior, attitudes, and past traumas (like unaddressed rejection issues).
• Value marriage and family for what they are—a call that requires a willingness to “die to self”—rather than valuing career and independence too much

To recap,

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1. Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).
2. Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.
3. Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness.
4. Make It a Matter of Prayer.
5. Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.
6. Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.
7. Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Wait on God for Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Anna is the CEO. She runs things. As she ends her last call for the day, she starts thinking about that one conversation she and her fiancé Mark had with their pastor about pre-marital counseling… and that word kept coming up. Submission.

She almost laughed. She doesn’t submit to anyone! Her whole life is built on taking the lead, having the final word, being equal to—or better than—anyone else in the room. The thought of ‘submitting’ to a man, even a good man like Mark, makes her stomach clench. It feels like signing a contract to give up her power, to erase the woman she has fought so hard to become.

The word “submission” often carries a heavy, negative weight in today’s world. Many women, especially those with strong personalities or executive careers, fear it, seeing it as a surrender of equality or a path to being taken advantage of.

However, the Bible presents Christian submission not as a robotic duty or inferiority, but as a path to order, functionality, and protection—and most importantly, as a choice to honor Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24

As an executive-type of woman myself, I’ve learnt that submission is not awful at all! As a matter of fact, it’s quite freeing! From the wisdom of God’s Word and from my own personal experience, I will share with you the gems of biblical submission.

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband:

1. Submission Is Not Inferiority.

Submitting to a husband does not mean you are less than a man. The core of submission is functionality and order, not a matter of value. Submission was modeled by Christ. Jesus, who is the “image of the invisible God” (in Colossians 1:15) and equal with God, chose to humbly submit to God the Father, even to the point of dying on the cross. When I choose to submit to my husband, I am following the model of Jesus Christ.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” John 5:30 ESV

“And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.” John 8:29

Also, men and women have equal value. Both men and women are created equal in the image of God and therefore, we all have the same worth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV

Therefore, choosing to submit to your future husband does not diminish your worth in any form or fashion.

2. Submission is voluntary.

“Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-24

What does “subject” mean (or some translations use the word “submit”)?  Subject means to voluntarily relinquish your independent rights. Furthermore, a wife’s submission to her husband is not the same as a child obeying a parent or an employee obeying an employer. A husband cannot demand that you obey him because you’re not in a one-up one-down relationship with him. 

Let’s take Jesus’ example. Christ, in His own free will, chose to submit to the Father’s will, saying in John 5:30, ‘I can do nothing on my own… I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.’ “

You’re following the model of Christ—and that’s a position of immense strength, not weakness.

3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.

God has an order assigned to the family structure. It follows that a family will function better when God’s divine order is in operation. Let’s look around—you’ll see that this concept of order and structure, this act of yielding or submission, is actually evident everywhere in life! Children submit to parents; the Church submits to Christ; employees submit to their bosses; team members submit to the team leader; and all of us submit to our governing authorities. Order is important for all relationships and organisations to work well. Submission is an act of giving honor and respect so that we can all function optimally.

4. Mutual submission is biblical.

The Bible talks about mutual submission. 

“… Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 ESV

If we are all seeking to please God, and not ourselves, then we have to grow up and know that life does not revolve around us. If each of us has the mind to yield to one another, we would have much better relationships in the Body of Christ and in our Christian marriages.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How can God be glorified the most in this situation?
• Do I want my own way at the expense of others (your family, your team, your church, etc.)?

The world will not collapse if you don’t get your own way. 

In Hebrews 1:3, it says that “he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” However, if you cannot come to an agreement, yield to your husband and then bend your knee in prayer. You can NEVER EVER go wrong in praying to the Almighty God. Either God will change your mind; change your husband’s mind or change the situation. I’m a firm believer in the power of praying to God! You don’t need to resort to a temper tantrum like crying, screaming, yelling, whining or refusing to budge!

5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, .. ”Ephesians 5:22-25

A husband’s primary command is greater and more demanding because God has made him the head of the wife. God has given husbands the responsibility to protect and provide for their wives and their children. Our part is to submit to our husbands as they obey God to lead their families.

A godly man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even being willing to die for her. This is a man who recognizes his wife is an absolute treasure. God will hold him accountable for how he treats her. A godly husband is committed to loving and being obedient to the Lord. When you marry a man who truly loves God, he will try his best to love you and over time, he will get better at it! Submission is good because following God’s principles brings about blessings and protection.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the man you’re interested in:

• Is God’s character evident in his life?
• Does his conduct show love & humility?
• Does he have a mutually submissive attitude? 
• Does he love God and hate sin?

6. Submission has wise boundaries.

Submission never means submitting to sin or abuse. When you encounter a man who believes submission means you must disobey God in order to obey him, that is not biblical. His aim is to manipulate you for his own selfish gain. God is the Higher Power. Your first submission is always to God.

If your future husband commands something that is against the word of God—such as lying, abusive behavior, or immorality—you must choose to submit to God instead. Whatever you choose to submit to, it should line up with the Word of God and the character of God.

Before marriage, here are some warning signs:

• He’s okay with you lying about the relationship.
• He sees nothing wrong with being sexually active before marriage.
• He has become physically abusive to you. Healthy boundaries are protection. As you grow in health and healing in your walk with God, you will learn to set and protect proper boundaries with everyone—your boss, co-workers, and even your future husband. When you are a healthy person, people are less likely to take advantage of you.

7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

If you are a strong, executive-type of woman, becoming comfortable with submission starts at the very top, that is, surrender to God. The first battle is choosing to surrender your life to the Lordship of Christ and submitting to His word, His ways, and His will.

This is rooted in trusting that God is sovereign, in control, and wants the best for you. When you know God is for you, who can truly be against you?

Summary

Submission is not a weakness. It is an act of wisdom and faith, a choice that follows the model of Jesus Christ. Choose a man who is for God, so that he can be for you.

To recap,

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband, as explored in the Word and lived out in my personal experience:

1. Submission is not inferiority.
2. Submission is voluntary.
3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.
4. Mutual submission is biblical.
5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.
6. Submission has wise boundaries.
7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Proven Steps to Get Your Busy Life Under Control

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post Why Submission Is Not a Dirty Word appeared first on Petals Bloom.

With a little extra effort, you can make yourself look great online without having to change who you are or even compromise your biblical values.

Here are 5 tips to make yourself look great online:

1) Have an updated professional photo of yourself.

I know you might like the flattering photo of you that is over 10 years old, but you want to give all the onlookers the true reality of your current look.

For those of you who love being “incognito”, that’s not a good idea if you would like to at least peak the interest of a great guy. A woman (or man for that matter) without a photo will not even be considered … he or she is “invisible”. The guy is probably not even going to look further into your profile unless he knows you outside of the online realm.

Tips for your profile picture:

• Wear colours that make you look and feel absolutely fantastic.
• Select an outfit that makes you look feminine and girlie.
• Show your real face. Stay away from cartoons, a pic of your dog, cat, favourite mountain, etc.
• Your face should frame most of the image. It shouldn’t be too far or too close up.
• Get a professional photographer to take it or a friend who has an eye for such things, but use a good camera.
• Use the same headshot for all your profile pics so across platforms.
• Smile in your profile pic!

2) Use video when possible.

A lot of people prefer to opt out of using video for their conference calls. However, if you wish to widen your prospects of meeting a worthy gentleman, I would advise against it. As a matter of fact, put some effort into your appearance and top it off with a pleasant smile. If you have the opportunity to speak, shine!

Additional Tips:

• Invest in a ring light to give you a soft, flattering look on your videos.
• Take a shower/bath before a zoom call so you feel your best.
• Spray a little perfume to make you feel superb!
• Wear makeup.
• Style your hair to bring out your best features.
• Wear earrings that compliment your complexion and facial structure.
• Wear a top/dress with colours that make you pop!

3) Don’t berate men on social media.

You may have had bad experiences with some men, but there are still lots of good men out there. If you are bitter about men; talk to God; talk to your friends privately; or even see a counselor. However, demeaning men on social media is in poor taste and poor judgment. If you must write to express your emotions, please write in your journal.

As a matter of fact, do the opposite.

Once on a while, compliment a guy in your life …your father, brother, a co-worker, a kind stranger, etc. With so many women who are men-haters and men-bashers, you want to set yourself a part to be a woman who loves, appreciates and respects men.

4) Don’t berate your former boyfriend on social media.

If you think your former boyfriend is a “low-life“, the whole world does not need to know your opinion about him. It shows to the world that you have some unresolved issues which is normal, but posting about it in social media is still not the best avenue. While you may garner some sympathy from friends (especially other women), you will ward off a good man too. He doesn’t know the history, but from your venting, it clearly shows to the world that you have some baggage. A sensible man will be thinking, “If she destroys another man’s reputation like that, she may do the same to me if we have a disagreement.”

5) Only share modest photos and videos of yourself.

Modesty shows a woman’s humility; a sensitivity, understanding and love toward men who are easily turned on visually; it shows that a woman cherishes her worth; it shows that a woman is wise in wanting to remain mysterious; and she wants to ensure that her husband feels special. Most importantly, it shows that she honours God!

So ladies, cover all of your private parts in your photos and videos. If you wear a bikini when you use your private pool, pleassseee keep those photos private. The world does not need to see your exposed breasts and all your legs. You will have a better chance of attracting Mr. Right by presenting your Best and NOT your Breasts. lol

Bonus

Advice on facial expressions & online interactions.

• Smile often.
• Be attentive on video calls.
• Minimize frowning.
• Limit being argumentative on posts or on video calls.
• Sit up straight and don’t slouch.

Summary

Is your online presence aligned to your profession of faith in Jesus Christ? What impressions of your character will a godly man get from your online presence? What changes can you make to improve your digital persona?

To recap,

Here are 5 tips to make yourself look great online:

• Have an updated professional photo of yourself.
• Use video when possible.
• Don’t berate men on social media.
• Don’t berate your former boyfriend on social media.
• Only share modest photos and videos of yourself.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

10 Practical Ways to Improve Your Chances of Meeting the One

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating

When The Guy You Like is a Foreigner | 6 Sober Insights

14 Proven Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship

Recommended Books:

Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother” by Carolyn Mahaney

Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post 5 Tips To Make Yourself Look Great Online appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Have we made getting married too complicated? Should you consider giving your male friend a chance?

My “wonderings” …

I wonder if the concept of waiting for a sign and/or the voice of God is keeping godly men and women apart.

I wonder if our belief that God has reserved only one man for one woman and if one of them is disobedient, a life of singleness is the portion of the “waiting-patiently-in-obedience” other person.

I wonder if our belief that a man and a woman must be on the same career path in order for the relationship to be successful is preventing love from thriving.

What does the Bible teach about getting married?

As I read through the Bible again, I can see that marriage was such a natural process in life. For the most part, people married people that they already knew or they married a distant relative.

It even seems that “being in love” was not the main criteria for marriage. It was very practical in nature. For instance, Boaz married Ruth because he was one of her kinsman-redeemer and it was important for Boaz to ensure that Elimelech (Ruth’s deceased father-in-law) would not disappear from the records. (There was a closer kinsman-redeemer who wanted the land, but not Ruth).

The entertainment industry: Passion over friendship

Fast forward to our current times, we have been told that hearts beating “a mile a minute” and magnetic attraction are excellent indicators that we may have possibly met our soul mate. Some even take it a step further to say that great sex (before marriage) shows compatibility. We can learn a lot from Johnny Depp’s and Amber Heard’s “love and hate” story! I think we have to say a big thank you to the entertainment industry for shaping our modern views on marriage.

• But suppose we have it all wrong?
• Suppose we have been deceived?
• Suppose marriage is primarily a union representing Christ and the church?
• Suppose marriage is about having children and raising up “arrows to the world” as Christians? (Or even mothering and fathering children who are not our own?)
• Suppose a Christian marriage is a witness to the world about God’s unconditional love?
  ​

Then, could it possibly mean that we have, in fact, complicated getting married? (I’m not suggesting that you marry your distant relative because your child may come out with birth defects.)

It is my personal belief that a lot more Christian singles can marry one another. But there are so many mindsets to change for this to happen.

I often hear single Christian women say that there are not enough quality single Christian men in the church and there are good single men around them. Although the longer you wait to get married, there may be less guys. But then again, marrying a widower, a younger man or an older man are always options.

At the same time, I personally know a few older Christian men who claim that they cannot find a Christian wife, although these men know and are friends with single Christian women who will more than likely make good wives.

What has gone wrong?

It seems like it’s more thrilling to fall in love with a total stranger than to marry someone we already know. Hear me out and I hope you will be more open to marrying someone who God has already placed in your life.:) Perhaps, you can be open to giving one of your male Christian friends a chance!

In the paper entitled, “How’s Life at Home? New Evidence on Marriage and the Set Point for Happiness,” in the Journal of Happiness Studies, one of the conclusions was that, “The well-being benefits of marriage are on average about twice as large for those (about half of the sample) whose spouse is also their best friend.” Wow!!!

Here are 6 reasons to give your male friend a chance:

1) You both have similar values and beliefs.

If you are good friends, you would most likely have lots in common, especially values and beliefs. This is the starting point of a good marriage … agreement on the basics.

2) Common community.

It is highly likely that you both participate in at least one common Christian community (church, church association, care/cell/small group, non-profit Christian organizations, etc.).

3) You may have mutual friends.

This means that you already have a good network and support for your future marriage. Before my husband and I got married, we had at least fifty (50) mutual friends. This further solidified the fact that we had more shared values and we were drawn to similar friends whose company we enjoyed. I must reinforce the fact that you need a strong Christian support base of friends. They will be a great blessing to your future marriage.

4) You both accept and care for one another.

If the guy is your friend, then it’s a high chance that you already know and have accepted some of each other’s weaknesses and still care about each other. You also enjoy each other’s company.

Just be aware that some faults you will only know about when you live with a person (after marriage).

​
​5) Both of your families know one another.

Unless your friendship is top secret or he’s a new friend, his family knows you and your immediate family members know him. There will be less stress in a future marriage when your families get along and support you two.
​

6) It is safer.

If you give your male friend a chance, there will be less surprises. You would be well acquainted with his character. If in doubt, you can ask a few of your mutual friends. If you meet a total stranger through an online dating site, you will have to figure out his character on your own and that would require time and patience.

Summary

Think about your male Christian friends who you respect and admire. Consider the friend with whom you can be yourself completely and with whom you can talk for hours. I would like to encourage you to be open to giving one of those male friends a chance. Sometimes, you may pray and ask God to bring a husband into your life and God has already brought several men, but you are simply not open (or he is not open).

Life is too short to make relationships complicated, and too long to make a poor selection of a spouse. I would also like to challenge you to find out what the Bible says about marriage and choosing a mate. There is nothing inherently wrong with falling in love with a stranger, but why wait when God has placed worthy men in your circles. Our minds are powerful, but it can be changed!

To recap, here are 5 reasons to give your male friend a chance, you have

1. Similar values and beliefs.
2. Common community.
3. Mutual friends.
4. Acceptance and care for one another.
5. Families support.
6. Safety.

Do you have a male friend who would make a great husband for you? Have you placed him in the “friend zone”? Comment and let us know your thoughts on the subject.

​Thanks for stopping by!

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

​Other Helpful Resources

5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands

10 Practical Ways to Improve Your Chances of Meeting the One

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

The post 6 Smart Reasons to Give Your Male Friend a Chance at Love appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Are you interested in dating or marrying an unbeliever?

Conversation between Sarah and her aunt:

Aunt Betty: “Sarah, how old are you now?”

Sarah: “Thirty-two, Aunty. Why do you ask?”

Aunty Betty: “What are you waiting on, dear? Soon, you’ll be too old to have children.”

Sarah: “I know that, but I am trusting God for a man who really knows and loves Jesus.”

Aunt Betty: “ Sarah, I’ve told you a thousand times that you’re too picky. If you continue like that, you will be a childless old maid.”

Sarah: “What do you suggest?”

Aunty Betty: “I know this nice young man Ernesto. He doesn’t have the same faith, but he’s a good man.”

Sarah: “Aunty, I know you mean well, but God’s Word says that we should not be unequally unyoked with unbelievers. I have no intention of marrying an unbeliever.”

Aunty Betty: “Well, I was trying to see if I can help you out so that you would not remain single and alone.  You know, I was a Christian already when I married your uncle Winston who didn’t believe in Jesus and it has worked out just fine!  Sarah, you are too rigid in your beliefs and you can see what it has caused … you’re still unmarried after all these years!”

How should Sarah respond to Aunt Betty? 

Is marrying an unbeliever a good idea or a bad idea?

There are many “Aunt Betty’s” in the church.  They mean well, but their advice is totally misleading. These women have chosen to reject the wisdom of God and act according to their own desires.  You need to ignore all those “Aunt Betty’s” in your life who mistook God’s grace in their lives for permission to disobey God.

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

God gives us instructions because He wants to provide the best for us and protect us from harm.  It is not that God had nothing better to do with His time than to dish out commands to make our lives unnecessarily difficult.

Here are 10 no-nonsense reasons why dating or marrying an unbeliever is a bad idea:

1) He cannot love you like Christ loves the Church.

In no way can an unbeliever love you like Christ loves the church.  He simply does not have the capacity although he might be sincerely willing to try.  When a man personally experiences the transforming power of God’s salvation, it awakes his knowledge of true love.  An unbeliever cannot give to you what he hasn’t experienced.  

Also, an unbeliever has no indwelling Holy Spirit to speak to him; to empower him or to direct him.  

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, …” Ephesians 5:24

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:3

Get my “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him” to evaluate the guy you’re considering! Plus, you will get access to my entire resource library.

2) He will not be able to directly help you grow in your faith.

In Ephesians 5:25, the husband is supposed to be instrumental in helping his wife become sanctified and cleansed by the Word.  By marrying an unbeliever, that certainly will not be happening.  One of the greatest benefits of marrying a Christ-centered follower of Jesus is his commitment to helping you become like Christ. 

Some benefits of having a Christ-centered husband:

• He can pray with you when you need healing or deliverance;
• You can study the Word together;
• He trusts God with you for a miracle;
• You both can discuss biblical concepts without having an all-out war;
• He can encourage you with God’s powerful Word;
• He can correct you when you’re wrong according to God’s standards;
• You can worship God together in the same church;
• He will likely apologise to you when he is convicted by the Holy Spirit;
• You can enjoy singing praises to God together;
• You can agree more in how you bring up children;
• He hears from God to lead his family;
• You can serve together in ministry;
• He can discern God’s will for the family;
• You can confirm one God’s direction one with the other.

“… that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:25-26

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

3) He does not have the Holy Spirit.

Marrying an unbeliever is a bad idea because he does not have the Holy Spirit within him.  He can try to be religious, but religion cannot root out sinful habits or break strongholds.  

Undoubtedly, he cannot help himself regardless of the amount of self-control he might try to exert.  Hence, it is impossible for an unbeliever to live a holy life based on the standards of God.  As a matter of fact, an unbelieving husband might not see the sense or importance of many of the principles of the Bible.

On the other hand, a believing husband can appropriate the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome sinful tendencies and see victories as he yields himself to God over time.  

“These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.” Colossians 2:23

4) You can hinder God’s work in his life.

It is interesting to note that unbelievers are often well aware of what Christian conduct should be.  He might not agree with it, but he is not ignorant.  As such, he might be willing to compromise with you, but he will less likely love and revere the God that you’re willing to disobey to be with him.  

If you truly want him to come to Christ, you need to prefer Jesus over him.  Hence, your obedience to God will be the best witness to him of what it means to lovingly and wholeheartedly follow Jesus Christ.  Not marrying an unbeliever is actually showing love toward him.

Sometimes, you might even be confused if a guy is a genuine Christian or now. To help with this, use my “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him”.

5) It can lead you to compromise or turn away from God.

In the Old Testament, God instructed the Israelites over and over again not to marry foreigners.  He said that it will cause them to turn away from Him and serve foreign gods.  “So said, so done.”  It happened over and over again.  You might think that you’re a strong Christian and you will never compromise or turn from God. However, any decision to date or marry an unbeliever is a clear indication that you are already compromising. 

“You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the Lord would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly.” Deuteronomy 7:3

“For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.” 1 Kings 11:4

6) Marrying an unbeliever can obstruct your purpose.

The only way to walk according to God’s will and purpose is to live surrendered to Him.  To the contrary, when you choose to do “what is right in your own eyes” (Judges 17:6), the enemy of your soul slips in and gains a foothold in your life (Proverbs 26:2).  Subsequently, he will wreak havoc in your life and hinder your purpose from being accomplished. 

On the other hand, if you marry a Spirit-filled man, he will be instrumental in helping you to accomplish your God-given purpose.

“… I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2 ESV

7) It can tarnish your testimony.

No one lives in a bubble and this is especially true for Christians.  Your life is constantly being scrutinized.  In Matthew 5:13-16, you are encouraged to be salt and light in this world.  Undoubtedly, your decisions will impact others, more than you may even realize.  For instance, if you decide to marry an unbeliever, you may cause weaker or younger Christians to also do the same and thereby, cause them to stumble.  

Persons depending on you:

• Unbelieving relatives and friends need to know what it means to truly follow Christ so they too can come to Christ;
• Younger believers need role models of Christian women who are sold out for Christ;
• Weaker believers need encouragement and help to walk in obedience;
• Mature believers need you to be a strong uncompromising soldier in the army of God;

“Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.” 1 Peter 2:12

8) You will never experience true fusion with him (unless he comes to faith in Christ).

The truth is that your spirit is alive through Christ and his spirit is spiritually dead.  Even if you were to marry an unbeliever, you will never experience the depth of oneness that only two married believers can have because of the presence of the Holy Spirit in their lives.  The jaw-dropping spirit to spirit intimacy would be sadly lacking.

“The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.” 1 Corinthians 2:14

9) There can be potentially more conflicts in your marriage.

The more a couple has in common (especially values and beliefs), the more agreement and peace there will be.  If you hold strong biblical convictions (which is generally indicative of a passionate follower of Jesus), you will have major disagreements if you marry an unbeliever.  Notably, conflicting beliefs can cause serious conflicts in a marriage.

Some potential areas of conflict:

• Children’s spiritual education;
• Places of worship; 
• Sex;
• Choice of close friends; 
• Investing financially into God’s Kingdom;
• Conflict resolution;
• Ministry;

In any case, it is exponentially better to marry someone who shares your same zeal for Christ and His kingdom.  

10) You are being unkind to yourself by marrying an unbeliever.

It is a mistaken belief that a Christian can do whatever she wants with no negative consequences.  If you sincerely believe, in your heart of hearts, that marrying an unbeliever is disobeying God, you may try to ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Some attempts to ignore the Holy Spirit’s conviction:-

• Denial
• Justification
• Use of alcohol or other numbing substances
• Avoiding other Christians
• Surrounding yourself with others who think the same

Ladies, when you make decisions or act in ways that are contrary to your beliefs, it causes internal conflicts.  Undoubtedly, a conflicted soul is an unhappy soul.  However, it will eventually negatively affect your health and general well-being. Be kind to yourself and seek to wholeheartedly follow Jesus.  Align your decisions with the wisdom of God and you will experience joy, peace, and success as His blessings flow.  

“But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” Romans 14:23

Related articles:

6 Glaring Signs He is Not a True Christian

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

6 Guys to Resist

Summary

God loves you and He definitely wants the best for you.  However, He has given you free choice.  You have a part to play in the way your life will turn out.  I constantly read posts and hear of stories of women who made very poor choices of a mate.  More often than not, they married unbelievers or married flesh-controlled immature Christian men.  I sincerely hope that you would choose to marry a spirit-filled man with whom you can love and serve God together.

What are your thoughts on the matter?  Comment below and let the community know!  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

The post Should You Consider Marrying an Unbeliever? appeared first on Petals Bloom.

“Tom” has shown keen interest in “Patricia” and the feeling is mutual.  However, she has had several suitors in the past but all have ended with disappointment. Can “Patricia” win the heart of a godly man like “Tom”?

If you plan to engage the heart of a man, you need to understand how he thinks and what he really needs.  In the heart of every man lies a desire to be respected and admired.  This calls for a serious re-training of the average woman, even a Christian woman.  

Here are 5 secrets a woman needs to know to win the heart of a godly man:

1) Accept him as he is.

A godly man knows that he is not perfect.  Yet, he longs for a woman who will love and accept him as he is.  Learning to love a man unconditionally is the only way to build a lasting relationship with him.  As such, you have to learn to accept the good and the not-so-good.  

Without a doubt, he does not want to be your renovation project.  As a matter of fact, if you realise that he has certain inclinations which aggravate you to your core, you’re better off leaving him alone.

2) Appreciate him.

In order to do this effectively, you need to make an effort to know him.  Ask him open-ended questions to encourage him to talk about himself.  Additionally, observe his interactions with others and how he handles life on a whole.

Like a good detective, you cannot leave all the observing to yourself.  Ask your mutual friends about him.  

Find a way to tactfully communicate to him your appreciation of his character and uniqueness.  When the romance was budding between my husband and me, I noticed that my husband had a special knack for lyrics (afterall, he is a rapper!).  I’d tell him (with a glowing smile) that he was a lyrical genius. A smile would light up his face whenever I showered him with compliments.

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24 ESV

A man who is interested in you will display small acts of kindness toward you like opening the door for you; calling to find out how you’re doing; offering you a ride home and the like. Don’t take those acts for granted but rather smile and say “thank you”.

3) Admire his masculinity.

It’s all well and good to admire his character and uniqueness as a fellow human being (point two).  However, a masculine man longs to be admired for his manly qualities by a woman he adores. 

Most men today experience a desert in this area.  They have become so used to being belittled by those around them, from boyhood to manhood.  Furthermore, our current culture propagates that women should “cut men down to size” by magnifying their shortcomings and withholding our compliments.  Only foolish women will fall for that mindset.  

Therefore, when a woman enters into his life and speaks this love language of encouraging words, he will most likely want her to become an integral part of his life. 

If you want to win the heart of a godly man, you need to cultivate the habit of using your words to build him up continually.  

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18 ESV

I made a conscious effort to be generous with my words of affirmation toward the last two men who pursued me.  Both wanted to marry me, but I married the last one. It was a good choice!

Be sincere and specific.  You cannot just say, “Tom, I really admire you.” Instead, you can say, “Tom, I admire your dedication to working hard in order to earn a living.  You’re such a responsible man. The world would be a better place if there were more men like you around.”

Tip: Start practicing this with the men in your lives like your father and brother(s).  Watch how your words will impact them.

4) Support him in his dreams.

Every man needs a cheerleader in his wife-to-be.  In the movie “The Founder”, Ray Kroc’s wife was portrayed as unsupportive and critical of his dreams.  Unfortunately, another woman arrived on the scene with whom he could have shared his glorious dreams for McDonald’s global expansion.  He later divorced his wife and married her. 

I’m definitely not supporting this turn of events but it just goes to show the critical importance of a woman’s support in a man’s life.

Therefore, if you want to win his heart, he needs to be assured of your unwavering support of his goals and dreams.  If you cannot support him, it’ll be better to leave him alone because eventually he will sense it.

5) Feed him.

There’s a tremendous truth to the old adage, “the way to a man’s heart is through this stomach.” Even if a man is a great cook himself, he would appreciate it if his wife-to-be can provide a wholesome meal for him and their children.  When a woman cooks (or bakes) for a man, he feels cared for.  

True story

Recently, I told my husband that I wanted to bake a chocolate cake to show my appreciation for a gentleman who was kind to us.  However, my husband felt that the gesture of a cake would give the wrong impression or even evoke feelings of tenderness toward me. If the man was elderly, he would not have minded.  That is the power of cooking on a man, dear ladies!  Wield that power! haha

If you want to win the heart of the right man, cook or bake something delicious for him from time to time.  He wouldn’t want to give you up!  

For those who are challenged in this area, enroll in a cooking course; ask a friend or relative to teach you; or subscribe to a YouTube cooking channel.  There is no shortage of teaching! I’ve noticed that it’s more of an attitude change that’s needed among women today. Any woman can learn to cook or bake sufficiently good if she is willing to learn. 

Summary

Although you may not stoop to the level of belittling the man in your life, you might simply choose to be silent.  Since he cannot read your mind, it’s important that you learn to express your acceptance, appreciation, admiration and support of him.

Top that with some home-cooked meals or home-baked goods and he’ll have a hard time resisting his desire to spend the rest of his earthly life with you.  Don’t forget that your feminine nature will also be shining through!  Check out “6 Practical Tweaks to Get A Man’s Attention.” If you want to win the heart of a godly woman, you also need to be a woman worthy of pursuit. 

To recap, here are 5 secrets a woman needs to know to win the heart of a godly man:

1. Accept him as he is.
2. Appreciate him.
3. Admire his masculinity.
4. Support him in his dreams.
5. Feed him.

What has been your experience with men? What makes a man want to give up his freedom as a single man to marry a woman?  Please comment below because I would love to hear your views!

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

The post How to Win the Heart of a Godly Man | 5 Secrets appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Claudia is one of the most sincere, devoted young women you’ll ever meet.  But she has a challenge. Very very few men are interested in her.  What is she doing wrong?  Is it that the right man hasn’t come along or is she ignoring God-given wisdom that women of old have practiced? Can she get a man’s attention?

My story

I also had to go through a transition from boring to appealing.  All I needed was to make a few adjustments in my wardrobe and my demeanor and voila, things began to change!

Undoubtedly, it is eternally better to focus on internal beauty, but physical beauty also reflects the beauty of God.  They go together.  We are beautiful creatures because our Creator is beautiful … in every possible way.

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.” Psalm 27:4 NIV

Is it any wonder that men also appreciate beauty?  Even we women admire the beauty of other women we see.  It’s all natural and normal.  As such, before a man “sees” your heart, he sees your appearance.  

Therefore, in order to get a man’s attention in the first place, you need to attract him with your outer appearance.  

Here are 6 practical tweaks to get a man’s attention:

1) Wear your hair out.

This would only apply to women whose hair is sufficiently long.  Reduce the number of times you wear hair buns and the pin-up hairstyles.  If your hair is always up and tucked in, a little tweak like leaving it loose will work wonders in getting a man’s attention.  

It may seem vain but most men appreciate this.  Fortunately, there are numerous YouTube hair tutorials now to help a woman with a kinkier hair type to rock it in style.  Let it out and be tossed about!  

Ideas for kinkier hair types:

• Sister locks
• Extension braids 
• Two-strand twists (my hairstyle since the year began)

2) Wear brighter colors suited for you.

A change in color can make you look lovelier than ever.  They can help brighten your eyes; illuminate your complexion and make you look healthier…among other benefits.

Additionally, did you know that colors influence emotions … yours and others?  

If you mainly wear colors like black, dark blue, grey and brown, you give the impression of boring, seriousness, intensity, formal, unhappiness, death, sadness, reliable, mature, conservative, practical, simple, etc.

On the other hand, wearing brighter colors (like pink, yellow, turquoise, purple, lavender, red, and orange) will evoke thoughts of love, energy, happiness, tenderness, sunshine, femininity, grace, health, vibrant, warmth, etc.

Which colors would a man seeking a wife gravitate toward?

I would suggest a wardrobe with a lot more brighter colors than darker colors.  Choosing the right colours for you will get a man’s attention!

My color makeover

One day, my fashion-conscious roommate opened my wardrobe and was shocked to see mainly white, grey, black and dark blue clothing.  She was appalled! To be honest, I never noticed my “bleak” color palette. Through her influence, I began to tweak my wardrobe. 

3) Start wearing flowing skirts and dresses.

Pants have their place, especially in colder climates, on a work site or doing strenuous work.  However, if you’re trying to get a man’s attention, it’ll be good to get flowing dresses and skirts with brighter colors (see above).  Your aim is to look as feminine as possible.

You can choose to look like a tomboy every day of the week, but that’s to your own detriment. A masculine man is attracted to a woman who looks opposite to him… that is, feminine.  

Additionally, the type of material also plays a part.  Aim for light and soft materials (like chiffon, voile, satin, and silk) as opposed to heavy and thick materials (like denim, corduroy, wool, and tweed).

Thicker materials are good for colder temperatures, but ditch them when the weather is warm.

My wardrobe makeover

I couldn’t believe how much wearing bright flowing dresses impacted men and how they treated me. 

Whenever I wore a dress or skirt (that looked feminine), I noticed that men would often rise to the occasion of becoming more gentlemanly.  They stopped for me to cross the road; offered to open the door; nodded their heads to acknowledge my presence; and the like.

Wearing just the right clothes (modest of course!) will get a man’s attention!

4) Smell good.

No man, woman or child likes to be near someone who smells rancid.  As such, shower daily and spritz a little perfume (good quality) or body mist on your skin or clothing. I have sensitive skin so I spray directly on my undergarments.  

If perfumes are too strong for you, regular showers will suffice.  The object is to smell your best! When you pass next to him, his nose should be pleasantly alerted so that he will naturally want to follow your scent.

5) Dress with some fashion flair.

Let’s face it.  Your clothes might be very boring and outdated.  For this, you might need another pair of eyes to evaluate your wardrobe.  In TLC’s “What Not To Wear”, the hosts first start with filtering the guest’s wardrobe.  

Likewise, you need the help of a more fashion-conscious friend or relative to help you.  For this to work, you must be open and willing to receive constructive criticism.  As I said in point two, my roommate did this for me.

6) Wear a smile.

This is the most cost effective tweak, but for some of you, it will take the most work. Of all the changes that I’ve made to my appearance, this tweak was the most helpful in getting the attention of men.  

Why? Because a smile brightens your face and signals to the man that you’re warm and approachable.  Regardless of how appealing a woman might look, she will have very few suitors if she has beast-like facial expressions.  

My turning point

This idea came to me on the most unexpected occasion.  I was walking through the supermarket minding my own business, when I spotted a young lady and her face was adorned with a slight pleasant smile.  Her smile made me want to smile too.  She seemed so welcoming and friendly. 

Although she was naturally attractive, her smile further accentuated her good looks. After that encounter, I made a conscious effort to wear a smile instead of a serious face.  Then, I noticed that more eligible men began wanting my friendship or my love (or both).  A smile is a winning tweak!

Summary

The truth is that you might be a beauty inside, but a man might not even be willing to know that beautiful woman inside because your appearance leaves much to be desired.  When he first sees you, he’s not immediately drawn to your heart.  That level of impact will take more time. In essence, men are visual creatures so we have to work with that.

Besides being physically attractive, it’s equally important that you become emotionally healthy.  A man doesn’t only want an attractive woman beside him, but he also desires a woman with whom he can live well.Thanks for stopping by!

To recap, here are 6 practical tweaks to get a man’s attention:

1. Wear your hair out.
2. Wear brighter colors suited for you.
3. color makeover
4. Start wearing flowing skirts and dresses.
5. Smell good.
6. Dress with some fashion flair.
7. Wear a smile.

What are your thoughts?  Is it unspiritual to focus on your physical appearance as a woman of God?  I’d love to hear your views! Please comment below.

#madeforlove

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman” by Anne Ortlund

The post 6 Practical Tweaks to Get A Man’s Attention appeared first on Petals Bloom.

It’s very clear that “Ron” likes you, but he is not a Christian.  For you, staying single is a better option than being with “Ron”. Then there was “Jason”.  “Everyone” thinks that he likes you, but it has never been clear. It feels like your heart is on a nonstop seesaw going up and down between “he likes me” and “he likes me not”.  It’s time to end that giddiness. 

Prospects seem few.  You’re now wondering if online dating is for you or not for you.

While online dating has grown in popularity, it’s not for everyone.

Here are 6 telltale signs that online dating is not for you:

1) It goes against your convictions.

Deep down in your heart, you believe that the traditional way of meeting (in real life) is the only legitimate and godly way of meeting a prospective marriage partner. 

The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves.  But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. Romans 14:22-23 ESV

This scripture excerpt is referring to food, but the principle applies to other aspects of our lives.  As Christians, our lives should be characterized by faith. Therefore, if you sincerely believe that it’s a sin to date someone online, then you should stay clear from it. 

2) You’re ashamed of it.

If you can’t bear to disclose that you met your love interest online, maybe online dating is not for you. You want to be comfortable telling your parents, family, friends and future children.

A favourite question to couples is, “how did you two meet?” When you respond, you want to happily and confidently share the truth. It’s not a good idea to enter a relationship with guilt and shame.

Personally, I could not bring myself to tell my father that I met someone online.  Eventually, I had to be true to myself and give up on online dating. If you don’t have the courage to tell your parents, like me, then online dating is not for you.

3) You’re risk-averse.

You’re afraid that you’ll meet a creep who will swindle you out of your money.  Basically, you believe that any man, who is looking for a wife online, cannot be trusted. 

Or maybe he is desperate and needy and that’s why he needs help through an algorithm to meet a woman.  If those are your thoughts concerning online dating, then online dating is not for you. 

4) You have little patience.

Online dating takes time.  A newbie will sign up and hope that within a month, she’ll connect with several eligible suitors who “tickle her fancy” and her main man, of course, will be one of them.  

That generally does not happen.  There will be hundreds and hundreds of men from which to choose only one. The more you engage with an online dating platform, the better the algorithm will work for you as it begins to “understand” your likes and dislikes.  You have to be faithful to the process and exercise patience.

5) No time for it.

Online dating requires time.  For the better platforms, it starts with a thorough questionnaire about yourself and the kind of man that would interest you.  Believe me, it’s not for those with a microwave mentality! Besides the initial time investment, you need to also log on to it and spend time (preferably daily) looking at profiles and engaging with people.

If you have a very busy lifestyle, online dating is not for you.  As a matter of fact, no form of romantic relationship might be for you at this point in time.  A relationship requires a considerable investment of time.

That reminds me of what my mechanic said to me.  Several years ago, when I would take the car to him, he would observe that I was always working.  Shockingly, he told me that I was too busy for marriage. He’s just a pleasant man that I didn’t take offense.  Maybe he was right!

6) Inability to handle the emotional ups and downs.

Online dating is no walk in the park. You may face constant rejection because an app or website makes it extremely easy to do. Imagine feeling rejected by ten guys in under a week!

Also, disappointment is normal and to be expected because people over-exaggerate their positive attributes (like posting a photo that is ten years old!). You might think that you’re in love with a guy and when you actually meet him, you realise that you have been sorely mistaken.

There will be instances when you think you’re making progress and the guy suddenly disappears (known as ghosting). Unfortunately, you might meet creeps who will want to play games with your heart.

As a result of its ease of deception and lack of accountability, you might become an emotional wreck. If you cannot handle that emotional stress, then online dating is not for you.

Related articles:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating

When The Guy You Like is a Foreigner | 6 Sober Insights

14 Proven Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship

Summary

Despite the growing popularity of online dating, the fact remains that most people will still meet their future mate among their mutual friends and social circles.

Meeting someone in real life will continue to be the more comfortable and safer route than online dating. If that suits you best, don’t give into the peer pressure to try online dating. It’s not for everyone.

Is online dating your “cup of tea”?  Are you afraid of online dating? Have you had a bad experience?  Was your experience good? Please share and let us learn from one another.

Although blogging is relatively new for me, I’ve been mentoring and coaching women for over twenty years.  I love helping women develop fully and grow in their most important relationships. And of course, I’d like to help you too!

If you’d like this kind of support, subscribe and you will receive my weekly email tips to help nurture your relationships with God, yourself, and others.  You’ll also receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist. Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth 

Recommended Books

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 6 Telltale Signs Online Dating is NOT For You appeared first on Petals Bloom.

After months of trying online dating, “Rebecca” finally meets “Ricardo” whose love for Christ, theology, purpose and values align with hers.  To put icing on the cake, with ease, he makes her laugh and not to mention, he’s just her type when it comes to looks. However, the guy is a foreigner.

Marrying any man, whether from your country or from another, has its own set of adjustments related to the following:

• Family and friend cultures
• Age differences (if applicable)
• Church culture
• Habits
• Hobbies
• Communication
• Views on sex
• Handling of finances
• And lots lots more….

Now, when you add another layer like cultural differences to the mix, it can lead to serious conflicts.  Therefore, before you move ahead in blinded bliss, take a sober look at what you may face if you intend to marry a foreigner.  

Here a 6 sober insights when the guy you like is a foreigner:

1. Differences in core cultural values.

When you’re interested in someone who is a foreigner, there will undoubtedly be core cultural differences.  I’m from Trinidad and Tobago and my husband is from Jamaica.  One would think that since we are both from the Caribbean, there would be little cultural differences. 

Nothing could be further from the truth. Thankfully, I lived in Jamaica for some years, so that was very helpful in understanding his culture and subsequently him.

From “The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer, she outlined the following eight scales in which countries differ:

1. Communicating: low-context vs. high-context
2. Evaluating: direct negative feedback vs. indirect negative feedback
3. Persuading: principles-first vs. applications-first
4. Leading: egalitarian vs. hierarchical
5. Deciding: consensual vs. top-down
6. Trusting: task-based vs. relationship-based
7. Disagreeing: confrontational vs. avoids confrontation
8. Scheduling: linear-time vs. flexible time

Although it’s a book to help businesses work well in a global context, it will be very useful to help you to understand the foreigner who has sparked your interest.

So before you say “yes” to him, please do your research about the core cultural values in his country.  Even if he were to move to your country, his country’s culture would be a part of him and subsequently, would impact your marriage.  When the honeymoon phase wears off, you’ll have to face his “strange” cultural norms.  

2. One of you has to relocate.

A relationship can start online, but a strong healthy marriage cannot survive online.  Eventually, the distance will place significant stress on the marriage as the years roll by.  

Ask any married person who has spent considerable time living away from his/her spouse.  Resentment and estrangement gradually sets in even though both initially agreed with the arrangement. 

Therefore, one person would need to leave his/her comfort zone if the marriage is to thrive.  Historically, women would be the ones to relocate.  However, wise couples will base their decisions on factors like God’s leading, cost of living (rent, mortgage, food, transport, utilities, etc.), educational opportunities, age of parents, job market, and the like.

Know that the adjustment in a new culture will be challenging at first.  But with the right mindset, it can happen and it can be an awesome blessing.  Living in a foreign country changes and matures you (if you allow it).

3. More time needed to know one another.

Becoming emotionally attached with a guy online through texts, emails, phone calls and video calls can give you a false sense of truly knowing him.  But the reality is that you cannot fully know someone until you begin experiencing real life together. 

You can share your deepest darkest secrets with each other and still not discover his true character.  As such, you will only know him more holistically when you spend considerable time together in real life involving others (family, friends, strangers and enemies).  

Behind a screen, he might be a totally different person in real life.  And the same could be said of you. For example, he might be emboldened to speak behind a screen and be extremely shy in real life.  

Or, he might just be going through an adjustment phase until he’s comfortable with your presence.  The real test of the relationship occurs when you begin to relate in the same physical space over time.  

4. Expect awkwardness.

Although you think that you’re close to him, don’t be surprised if you feel awkward in his presence for the first few meetings with him.  It’s to be expected. Give it some time until you get used to being around him.  If you never overcome the discomfort and awkwardness, then he may not be the one for you. 

5. Be patient.

There’s no need to rush into marriage especially when you meet a guy online.  You need to be patient with the process of getting to know each other.  During this “getting-to-really-know-you” phase, you will discover attitudes that are very annoying and qualities that you love.  

It is up to you to make a sober decision about what you can live with and what you cannot tolerate.  You’ll also give family and friends an opportunity to know him and help you to see if he’s a gem worth keeping or not.  

6. Foresee language restrictions.

Even if you both speak the same language, be aware that there can still be lots of miscommunication.  The same words and phrases can have different meanings in other countries.  

For instance, “hush” in Jamaica is used to soothe a person, whereas “hush” in Trinidad and Tobago means “shut up” which is generally insulting.

If his native language is different from your own, more misunderstandings are likely to occur.  For instance, on first hearing the Spanish word “embarazada”, an English-speaking person might think it means “embarrassed”.  But it actually means “pregnant”! You can just imagine the kind of misunderstandings and conflicts that are likely to happen.

True story

One day I was getting ready for work and I was rushing.  So I told my husband that I was ready to “buss-it.” A few minutes later, I was asking for the car keys and he was confused because he thought I was taking the bus!  I was like, “Huh? When did I say I was taking the bus?” Then I recalled saying “buss-it” (meaning to quickly leave). I explained and we both had a good laugh.

7. Other important considerations.

Food – Will he appreciate the food you cook and vice versa?

Time difference – Are you prepared to lose sleep to keep the relationship going?

Climate – Are you prepared to live in a tropical, temperate, dry, continental or polar climate?

Dress – Are you willing to change the way you dress if it’s very different from your own culture?

Related articles:

8 Essential Measures to Safeguard Yourself With Online Dating

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

Summary

Ladies, if you (or the foreigner that you like) is not prepared to adapt to each other, it might be better to trust God for a man whose culture is closest to your own.

Marrying a foreigner can work, but it will take two committed persons who are willing to change and make the effort to understand each other till death do you part.  When I attended a cross-cultural training, I learnt a key lesson … “different doesn’t mean wrong.”  That mindset helped me to enjoy my time in my world travels.  

Have you ever been in a relationship with a foreigner?  What was your experience like? Did you discover new things about yourself?  What advice would you give to women contemplating marrying a foreigner?  Let’s share our wealth of experience and wisdom with one another. Please comment below.

Want to get more tips on relationships with God and others?  I’ve mentored over one hundred women through the years and I’ve loved helping them grow as followers of Jesus.  I consider this online platform as an extension of that where I can help more women.  

If you’d like this kind of support, I would like to invite you to subscribe.  You’ll also receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist.  There’s no better time than now to evaluate yourself and get healthy. Thanks for stopping by!

Like, share & subscribe!

#madetolove

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Book:

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post When The Guy You like is a Foreigner | 6 Sober Insights appeared first on Petals Bloom.