10 Practical Ways to Improve Your Chances of Meeting the One

Is meeting the one still possible?

Kathy: There are not enough available eligible Christian men.

Liz: All the good ones are already taken.

Lauren: I’m not interested in anyone I know.

Those are generally the thoughts of many single Christian women.  Like Kathy, Liz & Lauren, you too might be asking the question, “How can I improve my chances of meeting the one?”

Surprisingly, there are several eligible men who also find it difficult to meet single women.  Their paths have to cross.  Many moons ago, it was easier for single men and single women to meet, commit and marry. 

Here are several reasons why it was easier in the past:

• Interconnected communities.  People would generally marry someone they already knew or someone connected to a close family member or friend.
• People married at a younger age when the pool of singles was wider.  The longer a person takes to marry, the smaller the pool gets. 
• Family members and close friends played an active part in bringing couples together.  Now, we have the sole responsibility of finding our own spouses for the most part.
• Society has moved from being family-centered to career-centered.  You’re told not to study “boys”, but your “books”.  You’re encouraged to focus on your education and career so that you don’t have to depend on any man.  Then, as we age, those same people are saying to us, “When are you planning to get married? If you wait too late, you wouldn’t be able to have children.” 

But life has changed. Therefore, you have to make some adjustments.

If your chances of meeting the one seems bleak, then a key solution is to widen the pool of men that you know.  You need to position yourself in situations where you will meet more people (men and women). I include women too because other women have brothers, uncles, cousins, male friends, and sons who are single Christian men.  Even if you never marry, you’ll be shining the light on Christ upon everyone you meet (hopefully!)

Here are 10 ways to improve your chances of meeting the one:

1) Involvement in your church.

“Birds of a feather flock together.”  Your church is still a very viable option for meeting like-minded men. There’s another popular saying, “familiarity breeds contempt.” Oftentimes, you may overlook men who are right there before your very eyes because they are always around. Perhaps, you may need to be more open-minded about someone already present in your church. Check out the article “5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands.”

Additionally, you may need to reconsider “attending church” online as your sole church.  You are almost guaranteed not to meet a soul!  In order to verify a man’s character and his capacity to be an amazing spouse, you have to be in his space regularly to allow adequate interaction and communication.

Tips:

• Attend church regularly.
• Be involved in a ministry at your local church.
• Faithfully attend small groups (like cell groups, life groups, care groups, discipleship groups and the like).
• Serve others at your church.
• Do not resign yourself to only participate in women-only meetings!

If you simply attend a weekly service and then disappear, you will not be “known, liked & trusted.”  No one will get to know how amazing you are.  That’s a good recipe for remaining single.  If you’re shy, read “8 Tips to Overcome Your Shyness with an Attractive Guy.”

2) Join other church communities.

The beauty of the Body of Christ is that churches exist everywhere now.  Even if you faithfully attend your own church, you can participate in prayer groups, Bible studies, small groups and events of other churches.  Do your research and prayerfully select a group that you’d like to join and go regularly.  If you only have time for one group, then I would suggest choosing a group with both men and women to improve your chances of meeting the one.

When I had classes on Sunday mornings for a semester, I visited the care group of another church every Tuesday.  There, I met some incredible believers while I strengthened my faith. Although I didn’t meet the one, I now have a wider network of believing friends and acquaintances.

3) Enroll in a course.

Schools and universities are great places to improve your chances of meeting more men including single Christian men.  They study too! Most of the couples I know have met during their high school or university years.  If there’s a Christian club or association on the campus, I would recommend making time to be a part of it. Studies cannot be everything because later you might actually regret it. Online courses are good but limited in improving your chances of meeting the one.

4) Connect with other Christians at your workplace.

This can take place in the form of prayer groups, Bible studies, social events and the like.  If there’s no formal Christian community and you’re not the only Christian, maybe you can be the one to form the group. 

5) Get help from relatives and friends.

This will take humility, but remember that this was the norm in the past.  As a matter of fact, your family and friends might make a better choice than you. The reason is that they would be able to soberly assess if “Thomas” is a worthy man and if he’ll be a complementary fit for you.  Our family and friends love us and as such, they want the best spouse for us.  Ask trusted family members and friends to connect you with single Christian men with good character.  The person you might eventually marry is probably already connected to people that you know.

6) Participate in conferences, seminars, camps and retreats. 

I personally know countless people who have met their spouses at a conference.  Choose a conference or seminar that aligns with your vision and calling.  In particular, an international conference might be worth your investment of time and money.  Make time for church camps and christian retreats. Meet lots of people and enjoy yourself while improving your chances of meeting the one.  You just never know!

7) Live in a different country. 

Tap into your adventure side and live in another country for a period of time.  You will definitely be “forced” to meet new people.  Join a local Christian community and be a blessing there. The experience will change you and you may meet the one as an added bonus.  That was my love story. I went to help our organization in Jamaica and I met my husband.

How about being a missionary or teaching in a foreign land for a year or two? 

8) Go on a missions trip.

There will always be need for more laborers for sharing the gospel, taking care of the poor and needy, serving refugees, help combat the sex trade and the list goes on and on.  Single Christian men who are serious about following Christ are often involved in work that changes lives.  Therefore, if you want to meet a man like that, then you need to be involved in similar work.  Also, missions trips allow you to see the real person … the good, the bad and the ugly.

9) Connect with reputable people on social media.

I usually agree to a friend request, if the person has several of the same friends that I have.  It gives me a glimpse of their social network.  Undoubtedly, similar friends would generally imply similar values.  Check out the friends of your relatives and friends (the ones you trust and admire). To be safe, ask your friends (more than one) about a particular person. As a result, you’ll get a better sense of their character. 

10) Try online dating sites. 

Another option that is gaining prominence (even among Christians) is online dating sites.  I was skeptical about them at first, but now I realize that it can be a legitimate way of improving your chances of meeting the one.  However, unlike dating someone in your physical space, I think it can be riskier because none of your friends or relatives can vouch for his character.  With online dating sites, it’s usually two complete strangers with no overlapping network of friends or family. This will put you at a disadvantage, so you need to add some additional safeguards.

Here are a few precautionary measures:

• Choose someone with similar religious views and values.
• For the first few physical meetings, bring a friend or two along.
• Introduce him to other key people in your life using online video mediums (texting conversation is very limiting) as soon as possible.
• Meet physically sooner than later.
• Protect yourself by having others around as much as you can until you’re certain that he’s the one for you. Dating should never be a private matter (online or in person).

Summary

Staying in your comfort zone will not improve your chances of meeting the one.  Of course, we cannot limit God.  Your husband might come knocking on your door one day.  But ladies, God generally works in the midst of the ordinary circumstances of life.  It’s wiser to be practical about your situation.

Imagine if you had a fantastic product to sell and people in your current circles were not interested.  You can continue along the same path and become frustrated in the process. Or, you can intentionally widen your circles so that you have an increased customer base and thus, increase your chances of success.

Similarly, you can improve your chances of meeting the one by:

• Involvement in your church;
• Join other church communities;
• Enroll in a course;
• Connect with other Christians at your workplace; 
• Get help from relatives and friends; 
• Participate in conferences, seminars, camps and retreats;
• Live in a different country; 
• Go on a missions trip;
• Connect with reputable people on social media; and
• Try online dating sites.

By trying some of these ways, you have nothing to lose but everything to gain …friends for life and impact for Christ.  The best ways to improve your chances of meeting the one are those where you can be known and likewise, get to know single Christian men.  Above all, you need to stay connected to Christ so that He can help you to discern the best one for you!  Also, remember that no man, except Jesus, can satisfy you completely.  

Marriage is temporary, but your relationship with God is eternal.

Related articles:

5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands

8 Tips to Overcome Your Shyness with an Attractive Guy

5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single

The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It

What are some others ways to meet awesome single Christian men?  Comment below and share with us all. Do you think that intentionally widening the pool of men that you know is wise or desperate?  I’d love to hear your opinion on the matter!  

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Recommended books:

“The One: A Realistic Guide to Choosing Your Soul Mate” by Dr. Ben Young

“Better Than My Dreams: Finding What You Long For Where You Might Not Think to Look” by Paula Rhinehart

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