Have we made getting married too complicated? Should you consider giving your male friend a chance?
My “wonderings” …
I wonder if the concept of waiting for a sign and/or the voice of God is keeping godly men and women apart. 🤔
I wonder if our belief that God has reserved only one man for one woman and if one of them is disobedient, a life of singleness is the portion of the “waiting-patiently-in-obedience” other person. 🤔
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I wonder if our belief that a man and a woman must be on the same career path in order for the relationship to be successful is preventing love from thriving. 🤔
What does the Bible teach about getting married?
As I read through the Bible again, I can see that marriage was such a natural process in life. For the most part, people married people that they already knew or they married a distant relative.
It even seems that “being in love” was not the main criteria for marriage. It was very practical in nature. For instance, Boaz married Ruth because he was one of her kinsman-redeemer and it was important for Boaz to ensure that Elimelech (Ruth’s deceased father-in-law) would not disappear from the records. (There was a closer kinsman-redeemer who wanted the land, but not Ruth).
The entertainment industry: Passion over friendship
Fast forward to our current times, we have been told that hearts beating “a mile a minute” and magnetic attraction are excellent indicators that we may have possibly met our soul mate. Some even take it a step further to say that great sex (before marriage) shows compatibility. We can learn a lot from Johnny Depp’s and Amber Heard’s “love and hate” story! I think we have to say a big thank you to the entertainment industry for shaping our modern views on marriage.
- But suppose we have it all wrong?
- Suppose we have been deceived?
- Suppose marriage is primarily a union representing Christ and the church?
- Suppose marriage is about having children and raising up “arrows to the world” as Christians? (Or even mothering and fathering children who are not our own?)
- Suppose a Christian marriage is a witness to the world about God’s unconditional love?
Then, could it possibly mean that we have, in fact, complicated getting married? (I’m not suggesting that you marry your distant relative because your child may come out with birth defects.)
It is my personal belief that a lot more Christian singles can marry one another. But there are so many mindsets to change for this to happen.
I often hear single Christian women say that there are not enough quality single Christian men in the church and there are good single men around them. Although the longer you wait to get married, there may be less guys. But then again, marrying a widower, a younger man or an older man are always options.
At the same time, I personally know a few older Christian men who claim that they cannot find a Christian wife, although these men know and are friends with single Christian women who will more than likely make good wives.
What has gone wrong?
It seems like it’s more thrilling to fall in love with a total stranger than to marry someone we already know. Hear me out and I hope you will be more open to marrying someone who God has already placed in your life.:) Perhaps, you can be open to giving one of your male Christian friends a chance!
In the paper entitled, “How’s Life at Home? New Evidence on Marriage and the Set Point for Happiness,” in the Journal of Happiness Studies, one of the conclusions was that, “The well-being benefits of marriage are on average about twice as large for those (about half of the sample) whose spouse is also their best friend.” Wow!!!
Here are 6 reasons to give your male friend a chance:
1) You both have similar values and beliefs.
If you are good friends, you would most likely have lots in common, especially values and beliefs. This is the starting point of a good marriage … agreement on the basics.
2) Common community.
It is highly likely that you both participate in at least one common Christian community (church, church association, care/cell/small group, non-profit Christian organizations, etc.).
3) You may have mutual friends.
This means that you already have a good network and support for your future marriage. Before my husband and I got married, we had at least fifty (50) mutual friends. This further solidified the fact that we had more shared values and we were drawn to similar friends whose company we enjoyed. I must reinforce the fact that you need a strong Christian support base of friends. They will be a great blessing to your future marriage.
4) You both accept and care for one another.
If the guy is your friend, then it’s a high chance that you already know and have accepted some of each other’s weaknesses and still care about each other. You also enjoy each other’s company.
Just be aware that some faults you will only know about when you live with a person (after marriage).
5) Both of your families know one another.
Unless your friendship is top secret or he’s a new friend, his family knows you and your immediate family members know him. There will be less stress in a future marriage when your families get along and support you two.
6) It is safer.
If you give your male friend a chance, there will be less surprises. You would be well acquainted with his character. If in doubt, you can ask a few of your mutual friends. If you meet a total stranger through an online dating site, you will have to figure out his character on your own and that would require time and patience.
Summary
Think about your male Christian friends who you respect and admire. Consider the friend with whom you can be yourself completely and with whom you can talk for hours. I would like to encourage you to be open to giving one of those male friends a chance. Sometimes, you may pray and ask God to bring a husband into your life and God has already brought several men, but you are simply not open (or he is not open).
Life is too short to make relationships complicated, and too long to make a poor selection of a spouse. I would also like to challenge you to find out what the Bible says about marriage and choosing a mate. There is nothing inherently wrong with falling in love with a stranger, but why wait when God has placed worthy men in your circles. Our minds are powerful, but it can be changed!
To recap, here are 5 reasons to give your male friend a chance, you have
- Similar values and beliefs.
- Common community.
- Mutual friends.
- Acceptance and care for one another.
- Families support.
- Safety.
Do you have a male friend who would make a great husband for you? Have you placed him in the “friend zone”? Comment and let us know your thoughts on the subject.
Thanks for stopping by!
With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
Other Helpful Resources
5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands
10 Practical Ways to Improve Your Chances of Meeting the One
