Another year is approaching and you’re still single. To add insult to injury, all your friends are posting engagement photos or gender reveal photos!

The journey of waiting for a godly spouse can be one of the most challenging and refining seasons of life. Drawing from personal experience and biblical wisdom, here are seven essential steps you can take to not only be patient while you wait on God, but to fully embrace and thrive in your singleness.

I thought that the ONLY reason that I was remaining single was because I was waiting on God. Slowly, I became aware of my own need to grapple with the truth about myself and the choices that I had made over the years. Just in case you might be in the same boat as I was, it is helpful to consider a few reasons you might still be single … other than it is God’s will.

• God is waiting for you to change key mindsets. This might involve becoming less rigid in your criteria for a spouse (e.g., only looking at men in full-time ministry like me!); being too hard to please or inflexible; continually being drawn to men who are “bad for you” while ignoring the good men already in your life; or being so fiercely independent that possible suitors get the impression that you don’t need a man in your life.
• A specific person is not ready. While not the norm, it’s possible that God has a specific person in mind, and neither you nor he is yet prepared for the commitment of marriage.
• The enemy is creating hindrances. The enemy does not want good, kingdom-building marriages between growing Christians and may be putting up spiritual obstacles that require intentional prayer.

While you may be waiting on God, God might, in fact, be waiting on you!

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1) Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).

Remember the most important marriage is the one you already have or are headed toward, that is to say, being a part of the Bride of Christ with Jesus as your Bridegroom. This eternal perspective is key to maintaining your sanity and joy. If you don’t marry on Earth, it is not the end of the world! You can still fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

2) Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.

Be brutally honest with yourself about the qualities you desire in a husband. Go through your list prayerfully and with a fine-tooth comb, determining if these items are truly essential or if they are based on vanity, cultural expectations, or unrealistic fantasies. Consider asking a biblically grounded, married Christian couple (married at least five years) to look at your list and help you discern the negotiables from the non-negotiables. While you wait on God, reconsider your “husband list”.

3) Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness

If you are constantly sad about being single, marriage may have become an idol in your life. This is not a healthy place to be. You need to dethrone the idol of marriage and replace it with Christ, the only one worthy of being the Lord of your life. Ask God to help you find contentment and joy in your current season. A joyful single woman who is open to marriage is far more attractive than a desperate one.

4) Make It a Matter of Prayer.

Praying regularly and specifically for your future husband (and asking others to pray for you) is vital. The enemy is actively working to prevent good Christians from uniting for marriage, so intentional, consistent prayer is a necessary defense against his schemes.

5) Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.

Maturing in every aspect of your life is the single most important thing you can do while waiting.

• Soak in God’s Word: The Bible is the ultimate tool for changing faulty mindsets; claiming promises; and repenting of sin. It is essential for Christian growth.
• Be in a Healthy Christian Community: Online services are not enough. You need to be in relationship and “doing life” with other believers to grow, which often involves conflict, encouragement, and accountability (to name a few).
• Find Mature Mentors: Ask God to bring a few mature Christian women (married or single) to disciple and mentor you while you wait on God for marriage.
• Be Wise About Media: Focus on wholesome books, podcasts, and materials that nurture your mind, body, and soul, helping you grow in your career and relationships. Be cautious of romance novels and fantasies—as one friend says, “The one in your bed is not the one in your head.” Fantasy can lead to dissatisfaction with a real, imperfect spouse when you get married.

6) Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.

Don’t let your life stall while you wait on God. Invest your time, emotional, and mental energy into serving others and building the Kingdom of God. Being involved in ministry and helping others grow can be deeply fulfilling and prevent you from being “overly crushed” by remaining single. Christ came not to be served, but to serve—find your joy in being like Him.

7) Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

In today’s age, we have over-complicated marriage. We’ve over-spiritualized some aspects and over-romanticized others (due to Hollywood and romance literature). Getting married doesn’t have to be that difficult. Focus on finding someone with similar Christian views; who is growing in their walk with the Lord; who is intentional about character development; and whose company you enjoy. Be willing to cut down on the man-made obstacles and barriers that prevent you from considering a good man while you wait on God.

In reality, the only sure way to know your time is near is when you are engaged and have a wedding date. While God may give you an impression, generally, people are clueless until they actually meet someone, the relationship gets serious, and a wedding date is set.

Summary

Remember: For the most part, God is waiting on us to become ready. He wants you to:

• Remove unrealistic expectations.
• Be more open to good men he has already connected you with.
• Deal with bad behavior, attitudes, and past traumas (like unaddressed rejection issues).
• Value marriage and family for what they are—a call that requires a willingness to “die to self”—rather than valuing career and independence too much

To recap,

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1. Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).
2. Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.
3. Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness.
4. Make It a Matter of Prayer.
5. Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.
6. Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.
7. Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Wait on God for Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You are a committed Christian woman, but you find yourself constantly falling into sexual sin with guys. The last time, it just mashed you up so much and you’re like, “I need to get a grip. I need to grow in this area”.

The thing is, when it comes to sexual temptation, it’s kind of difficult. It’s probably extra difficult these days because we are inundated with so much sexual material in the movies, in the books, the songs, music videos and the like.

Also, it has become a sad situation when Christian men are encouraging you and pressuring you for sex. There are women like that too! It just shows the way that we have allowed the world to infiltrate us so much that we have become powerless as people of God. So let’s overturn this trend. I want to share with you what has helped me and what could also help you overcome in this particular area. 

Here are 4 Tips on How to Deal with Sexual Temptation as a Single Woman:

1) Make up your mind.

You have to decide for yourself. No one can decide for you. In Daniel 1:8, it says that Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king’s choice foods, with the king’s food or wine. 

So there are times when you need to make up your mind and allow God to be the one to help you; fight for you; and to prosper you, even when your decisions might be very unpopular to others. Therefore, in order to deal with sexual temptation, you have to make up your mind for yourself.

2) Know what the Bible says about sexual purity.

Now, your feelings can come and go, but what will remain is the Word of God. 

“I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you”. – Psalm 119:11

As such, the Word of God is extremely important if you really want to win this battle. If you want to overcome sexual temptation with men, you need to renew your mind with the Word of God. A particular portion scripture that really helped me when I was growing in this particular area, is found in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6

You need a proper foundation in order for you to be strong in this particular area. Your feelings will be insufficient to help you when you are in a difficult situation. The interesting thing is, from my own experience and from what I know, there are quality men who will have their boundaries. And there are lots of good single men still out there. 

But I have found that, in general, men look to us to establish our boundaries and the sexual boundaries for the relationship. Therefore, you have to decide beforehand what your boundaries will be.

When you find Scripture that can strengthen your resolve to deal with sexual temptation, it is not sufficient to just read that portion of scripture once and done. No! You need to memorize it and meditate on it for it to move from your head to your heart so that you will really, really, really believe it. It needs to become a solid conviction and your own personal conviction … not your pastor’s conviction, not your youth pastor’s conviction, not your parents’ conviction, but yours!

It has to become your personal conviction for you to really overcome in this particular area.

3) Determine your boundaries in dating.

“That each of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor”. – 1 Thessalonians 4:4

You have to control your own body and help the guy to control his body as well. You need to think about boundaries in four particular areas, and here are a few questions to ask yourself.

Physical touch

What will you do or or will not do when it comes to physical touch with a guy you are seeing? 

Physical space

Do you have any particular boundaries with respect to being alone together? 

Sharing information

What will you share or will you not share with the guy that you are seeing? 

An accountability partner or friend

Is there someone in your life that can ask you the hard questions after you come back from a date? For example. “How things are going with you and ‘Charlie’? How are you dealing with the whole area of physical intimacy?” 

We need these people in our lives to help us to walk the straight and narrow path. We need someone to pray for us and we need someone with whom we can be accountable. 

You will see a great improvement in your ability to live more and more for Christ and in holiness and in purity when you have someone by your side rooting for you, supporting you, and willing to ask you the difficult questions. 

Have you determined your boundaries when it comes to dating?

4) Surround yourself with a like-minded community.

I can’t express how important a community is … whether an in-person community or an online community. Although online communities are good (to an extent), but you honestly need a community in real life who meet face-to-face.

Like for me, before I was even in a relationship, I was involved in a Christian community and those individuals helped me to cement and strengthen my views on sexual purity and helped me to stay strong. I had people who were talking the same language. They were kind. They were loving. We were transparent with one another. We were vulnerable. We also prayed for one another. This is the kind of community that you want because you cannot be alone in this journey.

When I was on a mission trip, we did a study based on the book “The Bride Wore White Seven Secrets, the Sexual Purity” by Dannah Gresh. I would highly recommend this book and its accompanying workbook.

Additionally, I would like to invite you to join my 90-day purity challenge. As soon as you sign up here, I will send you weekly emails within that time period including Scriptures for you to study, my own personal stories in my quest in sexual purity or stories from other women.

Summary

Although it may seem a challenge to overcome sexual temptation in this day and age, you can win this fight. As a Christian, you can be successful at being sexually pure. The journey might be long, but I am certain that Jesus can help you to deal with sexual temptation.

To recap,

• Here are some tips on how to handle sexual temptation:
  1. Making up your mind.
  2. Know what the Bible says about sexual purity.
  3. Determine your boundaries in dating.
  4. Surround yourself with a like-minded community.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

6 Lies About Sex Before Marriage (and the Truth)

How to Stop Having Sex with Your Boyfriend 

4 Really Poor Reasons for Choosing Celibacy

Recommended Books:

And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

And the Bride Wore White Companion Guide: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

Let Me be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite E-Reader

The post How to Deal with Sexual Temptation as a Single Christian Woman appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Nobody can help you grow as much as your spouse. -Duane Weekes

Here are 10 lessons from two years of marriage:

1. Like and enjoy your husband.

After the wedding excitement wears off, you need to like and enjoy the man you have agreed to marry. So choose a man you get along with. Physical attraction, sexual appeal, academic qualifications, popularity and wealth will not be enough. The pandemic and the lock down restrictions really tested the foundation of many marriages. My husband and I shared a lot of good laughs and enjoyed each other’s company during our first two years.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #1: I’m glad my husband and I are friends.

2. Practice self-care.

It is easy for a woman to sacrifice for her family and that is to be expected. There’s no sin in sacrifice. However, you need to make a conscious effort to practice self-care like resting; enjoying a hobby; treating yourself to a gift (even an inexpensive gift like your favourite snack); and engaging in activities that refresh you. In my desire to be the perfect wife and to “spoil” my husband, I over-exerted myself at times and my husband didn’t understand why I placed so much pressure on myself.

Remember, you are only a human being … with limits. Also, you will incorrectly train your husband (and children) to expect you to operate with super-human qualities. When they don’t reciprocate, you can become bitter and resentful. Besides, your husband may prefer a dusty house and an available wife than a perfectly organised house and an always-too-busy wife.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #2: Make a better effort to take care of myself.

3. Be a prayer warrior.

There will be attacks on you, your spouse and your union. As such, even before you get married, learn to pray and build your faith in God. As a matter of fact, you need to become an intercessor and a prayer warrior.

Since I have been married, I make it a point to pray for my husband every day. I probably missed a few days, but with the help of God, I have been generally consistent.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #3: Continue to pray without ceasing.

4. Learn to take care of a home.

If you wait until you are married to take care of a home, you will be super stressed out because of all the major transitions that accompany a marriage. Start managing a home from now!

Here are some suggestions:

• Learn to cook in order to have healthy meals prepared for your daily consumption;
• Clean an entire house regularly;
• Wash your own clothes;
• Do grocery shopping; and
• Manage your finances.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #4: It’s a good thing my mother taught me how to manage a home and living on my own helped tremendously!

5. Make your relationship with God a priority.

Your most important relationship, before and after marriage, is your relationship with God. Spending time with God, as a way of life, will keep your mind sound; give you wisdom to deal with unchartered rocky circumstances; keep your hope alive; convict you of your poor attitudes and incorrect mindsets; give you a different perspective on issues; and help you to be gracious and forgiving. Having a regular time with God, accompanied with obedience, is a key ingredient to a stable thriving marriage.

I remember a few times when I would be upset and when I began to spend time with God, His Word convicts me and the Holy Spirit softens my heart toward my husband. Undoubtedly, God changes me from within. Don’t allow your heart to become hard toward your husband. Allow the Word to penetrate deep inside your heart and determine to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #5: My relationship with Jesus makes my marriage stronger and sweeter.

6. Have friends who are for you and your husband.

When you marry, you may have your close friends and he may have his close friends. However, the friends who you want close to you are those friends who mature enough to be for BOTH you and your husband. You don’t need friends who will only be loyal to you. They must be your marriage.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #6: I’m super grateful and thrilled that I have praying friends full of God’s wisdom!

7. Cultivate good relationship between the two families.

It is a great blessing when there are good relationships among you, your husband, your parents and his parents. This has been one of the greatest blessings in my marriage. Think soberly and move with extreme caution if your parents dislike your future husband or his parents disapprove of you. You are entering each other’s families and that is a big deal!

Also, be careful about bad-mouthing your spouse with your parents. It may back-fire. However, if you are being abused, you should speak out.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #7: I am beyond blessed that my in-laws love me and my parents love my husband.

8. Be aware of your bad attitudes and seek growth.

The attitudes, good and not so good before marriage, will become more pronounced after marriage. This same principle applies to your future husband’s attitudes. Our bad behaviour do not disappear on the wedding day. In fact, they become even more apparent after marriage.

Although you, nor him, will become perfect before marriage, you should always embrace a perspective of continual growth. Reject the notion, “This is how I am and this is how I will always be.” Remember, as a follower of Jesus Christ, your goal is to become more and more like Jesus and not to remain in your carnal state.

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Romans 8:29 ESV

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #8: Marriage showed up lots of my flaws, but I’m grateful that we are patient with one another and we are both seeking to continually grow.

9. Invest in your marriage.

Surround yourself with godly couples and always invest in your marriage intentionally and continually. Be a part of couples’ prayer groups, marriage enrichment classes, marriage conferences, read good books, etc. Don’t wait for marital problems to arise and then seek counsel (which you should, of course!). But, as the saying goes, “Prevention is better than cure.”

Here are some suggestions:

• Read books to give cultivate the right mindset for a good marriage.
• Attend pre-engagement counselling.
• Have pre-marital counselling.
• Attend marriage conferences. I have attend about 3 Family Life’s Weekend to Remember conferences.
• Married couples’ classes.
• Married couples’ prayer group.
• Have a mentoring couple (as least one) that you both trust.
• Attend marriage enrichment seminars.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #9: Well, it’s always comforting to know that there are other couples who have the same challenges and to not only be aware of them, but to get the help we need to have a better marriage.

10. Learn to love the people presently in your life.

Your close relationships, prior to marriage, prepare you for marriage. Learn to love well the people already in your life while you are single. God has placed people in your life like parents/guardians, siblings, grandparents, female friends and male friends.

Here are some questions to consider:

• Do you give up on relationships when they become difficult?
• Are you forgiving?
• Do you help with chores?
• Do people give up on you because you’re too difficult to deal with?

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #10: Being single for a long time and working through relationships with my family and friends provided me with relationships skills for my marriage.

Summary

As a woman who got married later in life, I can safely say that the choices you make when you are single will affect the choice of a mate and how you navigate married life. To all the single Christian ladies reading this article, I hope you find these lessons from 2 years of marriage are not only insightful, but also instructive.

What preparations for marriage are you currently making? What changes in your mindset are needed now?

Whether you plan to marry or not, it will be beneficial to you to make some tweaks in your current lifestyle so that you can handle the transition into marriage like a champ!

To recap, here are 10 lessons from my first two years of marriage:

1. Like and enjoy your husband.
2. Practice self-care.
3. Be a prayer warrior.
4. Learn to take care of a home.
5. Make your relationship with God a priority.
6. Have friends who are for you and your husband.
7. Cultivate good relationships between the two families.
8. Be aware of your bad attitudes and seek growth.
9. Invest in your marriage.
10. Learn to love the people presently in your life.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

How to transition from single to married without stress

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

7 Ways A Close Female Friend Can Prepare You For Marriage

Recommended Books:

The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post 10 Insightful Lessons from 2 Years of Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Are you single and disappointed?

You’ve been faithful to God and you’ve sought to make Him the top priority in your life.  Yet, another year has come and you’re still unmarried.

You look at other single Christian women who have ‘gotten through’, and you think that something must be wrong with you. Why is God not hearing and giving you what you desire? Doesn’t your faithfulness count for something?

Compromise? No way!

Regardless, you’re the kind of woman who will not compromise your biblical values …even to get married. You’re not going to engage in premarital sex just to get a man by your side. Furthermore, being with a non-Christian is an absolute no-no.

Furthermore, being with a married man (even if he’s planning to get a divorce) is out of the question. If those were the only options to get married, you’ve made up your mind that loving God and being obedient to Him would still take priority over being married.

But even so, your obedience to God seems to be getting you nowhere.   You’re disappointed and perhaps even angry with God. The struggle is real.

These are genuine feelings among countless single Christian females, especially among those who are older and have never been married.  There are always exceptions, but most single women have an inborn desire to have a family.

This unfulfilled natural longing can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, anger and even depression.  

My own struggles with being single and disappointed.

I can relate very well to your convictions and struggles. In the midst of enjoying my season of singleness, I also vividly remember my own struggles of disappointment and crying out to God to fill this desire to be married.

It was honestly rough at times. However, God always gave the grace during those periods and gave me wisdom to successfully handle my unmet longings.

Here are 5 helpful tips to help you to deal with being single and disappointed.

1. Don’t deny it.

You are disappointed and there’s no need to deny it. ‘Call a spade a spade.’ God already knows your heart so there’s no need to pretend.

In most therapies, the first step is always facing the truth about yourself. As such, it’ll be good to share your feelings with trusted friends whether they are single or married.

If your friends will make fun of you, then you’ll need some new friends! Now, I’m not recommending an ongoing pity-party or ‘men-are-no-good’ bashing party.

Remember, this is about you at the moment and it is healthy to face your issue in order to deal with it. You do not have to remain single and disappointed.

2. Cry out to God.

Be vulnerable with God, not in a disrespectful way, but let him know how you feel about the situation. Prayer is the simple act of communicating with God. Allow God to meet you in the deepest place of your heart and soul.

So, you can do this by writing, speaking or singing to God.

A. Communicating with God through writing .

While I was single, I wrote to God in my journals … expressing all my hurts, regrets, frustrations and disappointments. It felt incredibly freeing to let it all out. Therefore, I would recommend that you begin journaling as soon as possible.

Read the article ‘10 Easy Steps to Start Journaling Today’. It’ll help you to detox your emotions and to gain some clarity. You can get your FREE journal printable and join my 21-day journal challenge to get help to begin this life-changing habit.

B. Communicating with God through talking.

You don’t need a special place or even a special time. Right now, you can talk to God. Whenever you feel like you’re drowning in sadness, lift your heart to Him and cry out to Him. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to bawl, then bawl.

‘Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.’ (1 Peter 5:7)

C. Communicating with God through singing.

Singing your heart out can work miracles when you’re feeling depressed about your singleness. One of my favorite songs when I felt that my heart was breaking was ‘Enough’ by Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio. Here are the lyrics:

“All of you is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of you is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re my coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me.”

What songs have encouraged you when you felt single and disappointed?

3. Be a part of a healthy community.

We all need loving relationships. You may not have a husband, but having deep close friendships will fill your heart with love. For me, my friends were a tremendous support.

Therefore, you may want to be a part of a community that seeks to follow God and hold true to His values. If there are other single Christian women in your sphere, intentionally meet to encourage and to be your sister’s keep.

Be intentional to have a great time together. Don’t spend all your time talking about how sad and unfulfilled you are. Undoubtedly, there’s a lot more to this life than being married.

4. Build your confidence.

Confidence is attractive to men, job recruiters, coworkers, customers, etc. You need to feel good about yourself deep down in your bones. At any rate, your significance is not tied to your marital status.

I had one phase when I felt so desperate and needy. It was not pretty.  To put an end to that, I had to rewire my brain and build up my self-confidence.

Maybe you can do a makeover. Wear colors that make you look alive. Perhaps, even add a few new pieces to your wardrobe. Get a new hairstyle. In short, take some time for yourself and do things that would make you feel beautiful.

5. Guard your heart.

One of the best things to deal with being single and disappointed is to guard your heart. This means being intentionally in the following areas:

A. Your entertainment.

Have you ever finished watching a romantic movie at night and then as you enter dreamland, you somehow become the heroine in the movie?

After I intentionally stopped watching romantic movies for a prolonged period of time, my fantasies stopped and my intense longing for romance decreased significantly.

I became a lot happier being single. The way you think is a consequence of what you dwell on.

What shows, books, movies or music are driving your discontentment? I don’t think we realize just how much entertainment affects our entire being. Are you willing to reduce your fantasy stimuli, especially romantic movies/chick flicks?

Removing the triggers will lesson your feelings of being single and disappointed.

B. Your friends and family.

Which persons around you are influencing negative emotions about being unmarried?  I would suggest a change in ‘diet’ from them as well (if possible).  

You need to actively reduce or cut off negative stimuli or otherwise, your phase of being single and disappointed will last too long. If the negativity comes from persons with whom you live, let them know that what they are saying to you is not helpful.  

Instead, consciously seek to be around persons who are positive and who would help you to have a balanced biblical perspective on your singleness. Check out “5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful.” 

Proverbs 4:23 wisely advised, ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.’

Related articles:

5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful 

10 Fun Ideas to Kill Boredom

Summary

These are some actions that I have implemented to help me to deal with the disappointment of being single for longer than I wanted. Whether you remain single for the rest of your life or get married, you want to be joyful.

Therefore, it is very important that you take responsibility for only what you can do. Making some of these changes will not be easy, but I hope, they would make the world of difference in lessening the things that fuel your disappointment.  

Instead of being single and disappointed, you’ll be single and having a time of your life!

What other tips would you recommend?  Which songs have inspired you? Comment below because I would love to hear what has or is helping you to navigate this season.

Subscribe and receive your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. If you need to communicate with me directly, then click subscribe. As a subscriber, you’ll also receive my short weekly emails to help you in your decision to follow Christ. Click reply and share with me your singleness journey. Thanks for stopping by!

#madetolove

Share, subscribe and comment!

With lots of love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

‘Singled Out for Him’ by Nancy Leigh De Moss

The Path of Loneliness: Finding Your Way Through the Wilderness to God’ by Elisabeth Elliot

‘Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye: Trusting God with a Hope Deferred’ by Carolyn McCulley

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The post Single and disappointed…5 Helpful Tips to Deal with It. appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You’re in a relationship with the man of your dreams.  As you become closer, you want to express your desire for each other physically. The intensity of your passion is getting greater and you don’t know if you have the patience, resolve and strength to wait until marriage. Is sexual purity even possible? If you’re undecided regarding the benefits of waiting, please check out ‘6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful’.

Your passion is quite natural. We are sexual beings and God created sex to be enjoyed thoroughly by a husband and wife.  However, engaging in premarital sex will only reduce the pleasure and corrupt the beautiful gift that it is. Here are 7 tips that may help you to win at sexual purity:

1) Love God at any cost.

According to Josh McDowell’s ‘Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope That You Never Ask About Sex’, ‘purity is a commitment to live according to God’s design.’ Inherent in His original design is a mandate to refrain from sexual engagement before marriage in order to give yourself fully to your husband. Ladies, we have a choice to make. Are we going to lovingly obey God or are we going to choose our own way? The truth is that loving God has a cost. Are you willing to trust His heart toward You and obey Him?

2) Value yourself .

Whether you have a low, high or no self-esteem, the fact remains that you are considerably valuable to God. Don’t allow any man to tell you otherwise. However, the way a man treats you depends on you for the most part.  There’s a saying, ‘monkeys know which tree to climb.’ Have you noticed that a person will treat one person with utmost respect and another with disdain? It all boils down to respect. If a man is pressuring you for sex and he knows that premarital sex is contrary to your beliefs, then he doesn’t respect you or your God.

You want your boyfriend to adore and respect you. Check out the article ‘6 Guys to Resist’. Your interactions with him, your choices and your views will determine what he thinks of you and how he will treat you. Only you can embrace your value and effectively communicate your value to others by the life that you live. If you say one thing, and then do the opposite, no one will take you seriously.

3) Determine your convictions.

A conviction is a firmly held belief. Compromise is not an option. No one admires a weak wishy-washy person. We respect persons with strong convictions, whether we agree or not. My personal conviction was that I would not engage in any form of sexual activity before marriage (including kissing).

For me, this was not an easy conviction to embrace initially. During my teenage years, I would fantasize continually about kissing and sexual encounters. However, I had always valued my virginity and held firmly to wait until marriage for sex. Up to that point, only penetration was an absolute ‘no’. It was at college, I adopted the view of saving my kisses only for my husband. I recently got married and my first kiss was actually when I said ‘I do’ at the altar. It was definitely special!

4) Communicate your convictions.

Men cannot read minds. From the early stages in a budding relationship, you need to let your love interest know your convictions. It’s only fair that he knows them beforehand. He could have one of three reactions:

1) He expresses that he has the same convictions. At this point, you’ll do a little jig.

2) He disagrees, but is willing to be open and explore what the Bible says about sexual purity. Don’t run from him. He might be a keeper.

3) He disagrees and tries to dissuade you. He even makes fun of you. Don’t  waste your time. Exit as soon as possible.

My husband did not agree with my ‘kissing’ view initially, but he was willing to hear my views and to respect my opinions. He was definitely a keeper!

You can’t come up with boundaries in the heat of the moment. Boundaries must be decided and communicated before anything happens.  They determine what you will do and what you will not do. When my husband and I were courting, he expressed to me that it is his practice to avoid being in a house alone with his girlfriend. My pastor would leave his office opened whenever he met with a female.

5) Establish your boundaries.

Some persons may see these decisions as ludicrous and going overboard, but we need to remember two things:

1) We’re not super-humans. Many times, we need to put boundaries in place to protect ourselves. Romans 13:14 says, ‘but put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.’

2) We need to protect our Christian witness. We no longer live for ourselves as Christians, but we live for God before a watching world. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 says, ‘abstain from all appearance of evil.’

We would have less scandals in the church if we were to place wise boundaries in our lives.

Some suggestions:

• Refuse to be in a bedroom alone together.
• Refrain from being in a house alone for a prolonged period of time.
• Have dates in public spaces.
• Set a high standard for what you will do and not do as a couple.
• Choose friends who will hold you both accountable.
• Do not stay in the car alone for too long.

6) Guard your eyes and mind.

You will find that your fight to remain sexually pure will be weakened when your choice of entertainment stimulates your sexual appetite. When I was a teenager, I consumed many books that were sexually explicit. I naively thought that they were harmless. After all, I wasn’t engaging in any direct sexual activity with a man. However, those images make it very difficult to have clean thoughts. They can lead to sexual addictions like pornography and masturbation and a life preoccupied with sexual fantasies.

Be very careful of the types of movies, books, songs and videos that entertains you. As the saying goes, ‘garbage in, garbage out.’ The good news is that the Holy Spirit can help us to overcome, but it is oftentimes a long challenging journey for many. Additionally, please stay away from sexting or any communication that awakens your sexual desires. Contrary to popular belief, all these indulgences are anything but harmless. When you do get married, you’ll be met with a lot of disappointment because the movies and romance novels are just fantasies and not real life. The sooner you overcome, the better chance of having a healthy sex life and happy marriage.

7) Join a community with similar views.

It’s not easy to chose sexual purity in the times that we live. That’s why you need the strength of a community that embraces and supports sexual purity. It’s difficult to do it alone. Find a community of friends who will support you in your journey. There are still many who have not bowed to the lies and pressures of society.

I What have been your experiences? What tips do you have as well? What lessons have you learnt along the way?  I’d love you hear from you. Please comment below. Subscribe and get your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire, along with weekly short and sweet email tips from me.

With love,

Kimberly

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Is sex before marriage the new norm for Christian singles? You’re probably beginning to notice that many church-goers have begun to live together or engaging in sexual relations. Christian women are now pressuring their partners for sex and vice versa. Did we miss something? Did God change His mind about sexual purity? Is there a new 21st century version of the Bible that permits, promotes and celebrates sex before marriage? I assure you that no such thing has happened. Being a virgin is STILL wonderful!

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God;” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

In the book “The Art of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love”, a study by Tim and Beverly LaHaye found that married women who had no sexual experience were about 10 percent more likely to be sexually satisfied in their marriage than those who had lost their virginity before their wedding day. That’s wonderful news for single women!

To study what God says, check out “The Best Sex -A Self-Study on Sexual Purity” in my resource library.

Here are 6 reasons why being a virgin is still wonderful:

1) Being a virgin helps you to express true love.

Waiting for sex helps you to EXPRESS TRUE LOVE for the following people –

• The man you will marry;
• Your boyfriend;
• The woman that your boyfriend may end up marrying (you might break up);
• Yourself;
• God; and
• A young Christian woman who is looking up to you.

For more on this, check out my article, “5 People You Love When You Save Sex for Marriage” and the video!

2) Being a virgin offers safety and security.

There are enough situations that occupy our minds without adding the fear of contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) or being pregnant. Why give yourself extra worries? You should have sweet sleep when you rest your head on that pillow. One of my good friends is living proof that condoms do not work 100% of the time because she was the result. Also, Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is the most prevalent STD. It is incurable, easily transmitted, and causes cervical cancer in women. A moment of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of illness and regret.

Get the “Purity Commitment” and “The Best Sex – A Self-Study on Sexual Purity” which are in my resource library TODAY!

3) No sex before marriage prevents COMPETITION IN BED.

During the act of lovemaking, you call out ‘Harry’, but your husband’s name is ‘Tom’! That’s not a pretty picture. Our brains are powerful storehouses of memories, including sexual experiences. If you don’t have sex now, you will have a clean slate for you and your husband to write some exciting scripts…without unwanted competition.

4) No sex gives more clarity to choose a husband.

Too many women regret marrying their husbands. Sexual activity can squeeze out quality communication that is needed to discern compatibility. You might think that you and your boyfriend are a good fit because you have incredible sex together. But you cannot have sex 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. He might make a good sex partner, but a terrible husband. Give yourself the best opportunity to make a sensible choice for a future husband.

5) No sex builds trust in a relationship.

If you and your boyfriend are not sexually active, then you would have developed a deep level of mutual trust. Together, you honored God; demonstrated self-control; and acted in the highest interest of each other. That’s a wonderful foundation for a happy thriving marriage.

6) Saving sex for marriage protects your Christian Testimony.

Although some ‘Christians’ are claiming that nothing is wrong with premarital sex, we all know that unbelievers expect us to pursue a lifestyle of holiness because we claim to serve a holy God.  And they are right! We have a high standard by which to live and the power of the Holy Spirit to help us. Let’s not cause people to disrespect the God that we say we love.

‘You who brag about the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? As it is written, “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”’ (Romans 2:23-24)

Bonus!

Keeping your virginity will test a man’s love for you.

If a man truly loves you and God, he will not pressure you for sex.  Check out ‘6 Guys to Resist’. Keeping your virginity intact will unveil his true intentions and his character. Does he have self-control? Is he a man with deep biblical convictions? Does he have integrity? If he wants to taste of the ‘fruit’ before he ‘pays’ the price, then something is certainly wrong.

Women with past sexual experiences …

For those for you who have been touched inappropriately or raped, it was not your fault. You don’t need to feel guilty or ashamed. We live in a sick fallen world, and unfortunately, abuse is a consequence of it. Jesus is able to heal and redeem.

You might be a woman who has willingly given of yourself sexually in the past. With Jesus, he can transform your life and give you a beautiful future. All of us have erred and that’s why Jesus came. An excellent book to read is “Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret” by Paula Rhinehart.

You too can choose to refrain from any further sexual activity until you are married. One of my single friends has two children and has never been married. She too has decided to no longer engage in any form of sexual activity until marriage.  

Will you join us? Let’s join together as women who will dare to be different!

Summary

Being a virgin makes a whole lot of sense! I choose sexual purity because I am in a loving relationship with God who is pure, holy, loving and wise. God’s desire is to protect my heart and provide the best environment for me as a woman. He wants to do the same for you. Will you trust His heart toward you?

I would love to hear your views. What are other reasons why virginity is STILL wonderful? Please comment below. When you subscribe, you’ll get your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You’ll also receive my weekly email tips to help you to grow in your relationships and you can communicate with me directly. Check out the recommended books below which have been helpful to me in pursuing a lifestyle of sexual purity. Ignorance is not bliss!

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With love,

Kimberly

Get “The Best Sex – A Self-Study on Sexual Purity”!

When you complete the form below, you will get the password to access my full resource library.  

Recommended books:

The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex by Josh McDowell and Erin Davis.

The Art of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye

Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret by Paula Rhinehart

And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

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