Anna is the CEO. She runs things. As she ends her last call for the day, she starts thinking about that one conversation she and her fiancé Mark had with their pastor about pre-marital counseling… and that word kept coming up. Submission.

She almost laughed. She doesn’t submit to anyone! Her whole life is built on taking the lead, having the final word, being equal to—or better than—anyone else in the room. The thought of ‘submitting’ to a man, even a good man like Mark, makes her stomach clench. It feels like signing a contract to give up her power, to erase the woman she has fought so hard to become.

The word “submission” often carries a heavy, negative weight in today’s world. Many women, especially those with strong personalities or executive careers, fear it, seeing it as a surrender of equality or a path to being taken advantage of.

However, the Bible presents Christian submission not as a robotic duty or inferiority, but as a path to order, functionality, and protection—and most importantly, as a choice to honor Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24

As an executive-type of woman myself, I’ve learnt that submission is not awful at all! As a matter of fact, it’s quite freeing! From the wisdom of God’s Word and from my own personal experience, I will share with you the gems of biblical submission.

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband:

1. Submission Is Not Inferiority.

Submitting to a husband does not mean you are less than a man. The core of submission is functionality and order, not a matter of value. Submission was modeled by Christ. Jesus, who is the “image of the invisible God” (in Colossians 1:15) and equal with God, chose to humbly submit to God the Father, even to the point of dying on the cross. When I choose to submit to my husband, I am following the model of Jesus Christ.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” John 5:30 ESV

“And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.” John 8:29

Also, men and women have equal value. Both men and women are created equal in the image of God and therefore, we all have the same worth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV

Therefore, choosing to submit to your future husband does not diminish your worth in any form or fashion.

2. Submission is voluntary.

“Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-24

What does “subject” mean (or some translations use the word “submit”)?  Subject means to voluntarily relinquish your independent rights. Furthermore, a wife’s submission to her husband is not the same as a child obeying a parent or an employee obeying an employer. A husband cannot demand that you obey him because you’re not in a one-up one-down relationship with him. 

Let’s take Jesus’ example. Christ, in His own free will, chose to submit to the Father’s will, saying in John 5:30, ‘I can do nothing on my own… I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.’ “

You’re following the model of Christ—and that’s a position of immense strength, not weakness.

3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.

God has an order assigned to the family structure. It follows that a family will function better when God’s divine order is in operation. Let’s look around—you’ll see that this concept of order and structure, this act of yielding or submission, is actually evident everywhere in life! Children submit to parents; the Church submits to Christ; employees submit to their bosses; team members submit to the team leader; and all of us submit to our governing authorities. Order is important for all relationships and organisations to work well. Submission is an act of giving honor and respect so that we can all function optimally.

4. Mutual submission is biblical.

The Bible talks about mutual submission. 

“… Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 ESV

If we are all seeking to please God, and not ourselves, then we have to grow up and know that life does not revolve around us. If each of us has the mind to yield to one another, we would have much better relationships in the Body of Christ and in our Christian marriages.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How can God be glorified the most in this situation?
• Do I want my own way at the expense of others (your family, your team, your church, etc.)?

The world will not collapse if you don’t get your own way. 

In Hebrews 1:3, it says that “he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” However, if you cannot come to an agreement, yield to your husband and then bend your knee in prayer. You can NEVER EVER go wrong in praying to the Almighty God. Either God will change your mind; change your husband’s mind or change the situation. I’m a firm believer in the power of praying to God! You don’t need to resort to a temper tantrum like crying, screaming, yelling, whining or refusing to budge!

5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, .. ”Ephesians 5:22-25

A husband’s primary command is greater and more demanding because God has made him the head of the wife. God has given husbands the responsibility to protect and provide for their wives and their children. Our part is to submit to our husbands as they obey God to lead their families.

A godly man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even being willing to die for her. This is a man who recognizes his wife is an absolute treasure. God will hold him accountable for how he treats her. A godly husband is committed to loving and being obedient to the Lord. When you marry a man who truly loves God, he will try his best to love you and over time, he will get better at it! Submission is good because following God’s principles brings about blessings and protection.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the man you’re interested in:

• Is God’s character evident in his life?
• Does his conduct show love & humility?
• Does he have a mutually submissive attitude? 
• Does he love God and hate sin?

6. Submission has wise boundaries.

Submission never means submitting to sin or abuse. When you encounter a man who believes submission means you must disobey God in order to obey him, that is not biblical. His aim is to manipulate you for his own selfish gain. God is the Higher Power. Your first submission is always to God.

If your future husband commands something that is against the word of God—such as lying, abusive behavior, or immorality—you must choose to submit to God instead. Whatever you choose to submit to, it should line up with the Word of God and the character of God.

Before marriage, here are some warning signs:

• He’s okay with you lying about the relationship.
• He sees nothing wrong with being sexually active before marriage.
• He has become physically abusive to you. Healthy boundaries are protection. As you grow in health and healing in your walk with God, you will learn to set and protect proper boundaries with everyone—your boss, co-workers, and even your future husband. When you are a healthy person, people are less likely to take advantage of you.

7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

If you are a strong, executive-type of woman, becoming comfortable with submission starts at the very top, that is, surrender to God. The first battle is choosing to surrender your life to the Lordship of Christ and submitting to His word, His ways, and His will.

This is rooted in trusting that God is sovereign, in control, and wants the best for you. When you know God is for you, who can truly be against you?

Summary

Submission is not a weakness. It is an act of wisdom and faith, a choice that follows the model of Jesus Christ. Choose a man who is for God, so that he can be for you.

To recap,

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband, as explored in the Word and lived out in my personal experience:

1. Submission is not inferiority.
2. Submission is voluntary.
3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.
4. Mutual submission is biblical.
5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.
6. Submission has wise boundaries.
7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Proven Steps to Get Your Busy Life Under Control

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post Why Submission Is Not a Dirty Word appeared first on Petals Bloom.

“Sheila” was hoping that they would get married soon, but “Richie” has decided that he wants to pursue further studies first.  A wedding is not likely to happen for a few years still.  

What should “Sheila” do?  Should she continue in this long courtship with “Richie” or would it be better to move on?

My story

One day, a friend mentioned to me that long courtships rarely end in marriage.  At that time, I was in a courtship for at least four years.  I thought to myself that my “Richie” and I will not be a part of that statistic.  Undoubtedly, our relationship was strong enough to take us into wedded bliss.  

After-all, we were two dedicated Christians who sought God’s guidance from day one of our budding romance.  However, about a year later, our relationship also ended to our dismay.  After that breakup, I felt like I had lost a part of me.

Survey Results

The University of Texas in Austin conducted a survey following 168 couples since the 1980s.  The results show that couples who have courted for an average of eighteen months (including around half of that time being engaged) stayed together for the long-term.

Here are four no-nonsense reasons to rethink long courtship:

1) Increasing temptation to engage sexually.

When a man and woman are romantically involved, their desire for sexual intimacy increases as their love blossoms.  They have a choice – either to submit to their sexual appetites or to restrain themselves.

With the blurred lines between foreplay and sexual intercourse, many Christian couples find themselves engaging in sexual activity before marriage, as an outward expression of their love.  Since they are not ready to get married, they submit to their passions rather than “burn”. 

“It just happened?”

Too often, we hear the phrase “it just happened” when a pregnancy occurs.  However, that is stretching the truth.  Penetration doesn’t just happen between two consenting adults. 

It is highly impossible to go from holding hands straight to penetration in one swift transition!  Foreplay must have been taking place to increasing degrees between the couple.

Therefore, many Christian couples in long courtships have chosen to become sexually involved instead of getting married.  

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”  1 Corinthians 7:8-9 ESV

Possible Solution: 

Focus on building good friendships with him, as well as other men.  You will be less likely to engage in sexual activity when you are only friends with a guy.  The concept of “friends with benefits” is pure foolishness.  Our bodies are connected to our hearts, minds and souls, so don’t fall for that lie.

Related articles:

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

How Far is Too Far | 6 Naked Questions to Ask Yourself 

2) One person becomes ready for marriage while the other is not.

In most long courtships, one person will become impatient with the process and will want to get married sooner.  That person is usually the woman since she’s likely the one to be most concerned about her biological clock. 

She begins to ask the following questions:

• Is he really serious about me?
• Will we ever get married?
• Am I wasting my time with him?
• Should I move on?

Doubts begin to rise in her which places significant pressure on the relationship.  Either the man will give into her desires (probably resentfully since he wasn’t ready); the relationship will end; or they’d continue along with growing resentment between them.

On the other hand, it could also be the man who becomes ready first as more and more women are more career-oriented than family-oriented.  There are men who prioritize and value marriage and family more than their female companions.

Possible Solution: 

Don’t enter a romantic relationship now if you (or him) have no plans for marriage in the near future.  Enjoy your friendship with him. If you (or him) desire to marry sooner, there will be no pressure to convince the other person; give ultimatums; execute a guilt trip and do any other less desirable actions.  

Additionally, another winsome guy may come along who is ready for marriage when you are also ready.  Life and decisions become more simpler when you’re not tied into a long courtship.

3) Risk the loss of passion.

For the Christian couple who chooses to refrain from any form of sexual indulgence, a long courtship will likely cause a numbing of their sexual desire in order to cope.

In particular, for a man, his sexual passion for the woman dies a slow death.  In his mind, she moves into the friend zone.  The eventual outcome is that he loses his interest to marry her.  It’s only a matter of time before the courtship ends. 

Possible Solution: 

Preserve your sexual desirability and self-confidence by being friends with him and others. If you never marry him, no loss to both of you.

4) You will change as the years go by.

As you are maturing and changing, there might be a growing gap between you and him.  Then, you might realize that the guy to whom you are committed is not the best fit for the woman you have become.  You might break it off… leaving the poor guy heartbroken.  (But that’s better than marrying him though!)

Or, you might continue along and feel an increasing sense of dissatisfaction.  To complicate matters, you might meet an incredible guy who is more your complementary fit.  

(Note: When you get married, change or no change, you stick with your husband. Don’t even entertain thoughts that another man will fit you better!)

Possible Solution:  

Use your singleness years to become the best you.  When you do become ready, you’ll be better at discerning which guy is your complimentary fit at that point in time.  It is better to go into marriage with desire, admiration and respect for the man you marry. 

Related articles:

7 Must-Have Discussions Before You Commit Your Heart

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” Song of Songs 8:4 ESV

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23 ESV

Summary

Ladies, trust God with your love life.  There is a better option than getting stuck in a long courtship.  Being in a romantic relationship should not be your identity. Rather, focus on understanding and embracing your identity in Christ which is superbly better.

Use your freedom to develop into a woman that God wants You to be.  Life is full of wonderful opportunities when you’re single and disengaged.  So if you have no immediate plans of marriage, embrace your singleness and enjoy it fully!  

A happy attractive confident woman of God will always be in demand by sensible men.  So if you miss out on “Richie”, there might be a future with “Charlie”, “Smithie” or “Billie”.  But don’t be too picky! Lol

For more tips on following Christ as a single Christian woman, subscribe and receive my weekly emails.  Also, you’ll receive your free “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist when you subscribe.

If you want a gem of a man, you need to also be a gem of a woman.  Check out “Emotional Maturity versus Emotional Maturity” checklist and discover the areas that you need to work on from now.  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended books:

“Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control” by Elisabeth Elliot

“Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret” by Paula Rinehart

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The post 4 No-Nonsense Reasons to Rethink A Long Courtship  appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You’re in a relationship with “Charlie” and you are intensely attracted to each other. As you spend time together, you want to get close… physically and sexually close. When you sit together, not even a sand fly can pass through.  You want to touch, kiss and even indulge a little more. But how far is too far?

Here is a list of actions that couples might engage in prior to marriage:

• Holding hands 
• Hugging (slight hug to tight embrace)
• Petting
• Kissing (peck on the cheeks to ‘tongue’ kissing)
• Sexting
• Touching breasts and other sexual organs
• Oral sex
• Anything else of which you can think …

I too have asked this question when I entered a relationship.  How far can we go before we step outside God’s established boundaries for singles?

The answer to this question comes from examining who God is (His character, nature and person) as revealed in the Bible and His biblical principles.

However, a better question is “how can you honor God in your relationship?”  Also, it is important to note that all of us are different in terms of our responses to physical touch. As a result, you need to answer the questions based on who you are and who he is.

Here are six revealing questions to ask “how far is too far?” in a romantic relationship:

1) Are you being loving?

God is love.  As a follower of Jesus, love should guide all of our decisions with our fiancé or boyfriend.  Simply put, love is acting in the best interest of the other person.  

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 speaks of sexual immorality and says,  that ”no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter.“ (Defrauding means causing someone to step outside God’s established boundaries.) 

One of God’s boundaries is that sex should be experienced within marriage.  If you actively arouse him and you cannot honorably fulfill him as a single Christian woman, then you’re not acting lovingly toward him. You’re not honoring God either.

Are you behaving in his best interest?  Would it be better if you had refrained from that particular act? 

‘You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”’ Galatians 5:13-14 NIV

Suppose you and your fiancé were to break up … 

• Would you be at peace knowing that you shared certain intimate acts with him?
• What would your future husband want you to do with another man? (Hint: nothing!)
• What would you want your own future husband to do with another woman?
• Have you considered how your present actions might impact his future wife?

2) Is it pure?

Can the particular act qualify as pure?  In Josh McDowell’s “The Bare Facts: 39 Thought Provoking Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex” , he describes purity as “to live according to original design.”  God’s original design for sex (including foreplay) is for oneness between a husband and a wife. 

God wants you to embrace his original design for sex and everything related to it.  As a daughter of God, you want to keep yourself pure. 

Check God’s Word; learn about His nature and character; and decide for yourself. God is pure and holy and as such, you also need to relate to the man you love in a similar way. 

3) Is your body being prepared for sex?

How does your body feel when you engage in certain acts?  What are the changes taking place?  Are your genitals being prepared for the penetration by a man?  If you cannot go further, why are you intentionally turning yourself on (and the man you love)?

Two sex therapists, Masters and Johnson, coined the term “sexual-response cycle” to describe all aspects of sexual activity.  There are four phases, namely, excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution.  According to Masters and Johnson, there’s no recognizable beginning and end, but the entire sexual response process is continuous. 

4) Do you feel God’s peace?

If you feel guilty after a particular act, then it’s a warning sign that you shouldn’t indulge in that action.  To be stricken with guilt is not worth any amount of pleasure.  To others around you, it may seem trivial, but to you, it is significant. 

Also, would you feel ashamed if others were to find out that you were engaged in [fill in physical/sexual act]?

“The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” Romans 14:22-23 ESV

5) Will your actions cause a younger Christian to stumble?

Could you safely say to a younger believer “do as I do”, knowing that she will be blessed by God if she follows you. Others are looking at you and in particular, a younger woman is taking her cue from you.  As such, she’s looking to see what she should and shouldn’t do from your example. 

Instead of surrendering to your own desires, hold a high standard of sexual purity so that other young women can see that it is possible and desirable.  Even if you have blown it in the past, from now on, you can be a shining example for others to follow.

“Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.” Romans 14:20-21 ESV

6) Will your actions cause unbelievers to blaspheme God?

As a follower of Jesus Christ, you do not exist for yourself.  God has allowed you to remain on this earth to be a blessing to this fallen world.  Therefore, you need to intentionally use your words, actions and lifestyle to impact others for Him.

Freedom in Christ is not a license to live carelessly and selfishly.  

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Galatians 5:13 ESV

Summary 

Physical touch is an important love language that we all need. The extent of that expression between you and him will depend on your answers to the above questions. Each person is different so you need to decide for yourself what you will and will not do.

As we were ushered into the age of sexual freedom, sexual foreplay was separated from sexual intercourse to our deception and detriment.  As a consequence, Christians indulge in more foreplay now before marriage than in the past.  When you hear Christians say that “it just happened,” they have convinced themselves that sex was not involved while they were engaging in foreplay.

I’ve often observed that, for the most part, the woman is the one who sets the boundaries.  Most men, even Christian men will go as far as the women would allow. It’s a sad reality, but nevertheless a true state of affairs.  Therefore, you need to guard yourself and the man who has captured your heart. Although you have freedom in Christ, you need to behave responsibly and lovingly toward him and yourself.

To recap, here are six revealing questions to ask “how far is too far:

1. Are you being loving?
2. Is it pure?
3. Is your body being prepared for sex?
4. Do you feel God’s peace?
5. Will your actions cause a younger Christian to stumble?
6. Will your actions cause unbelievers to blaspheme God?

What are your views on “how far is too far”?  I would love to hear them, so please comment below.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

5 Rare Qualities Mature Christian Men Want

Recommended Books:

“The Bare Facts: 39 Thought Provoking Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex” by Josh McDowell

“Sex and The Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret” by Paula Rinehart 

The post How Far is Too Far? 6 Revealing Questions to Ask Yourself appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Are you allowing your fear of rejection to destroy your love life? 

You have had a few disappointments with love. Either you thought your budding friendship with “Charles” would result in a marriage partner, but it never matured into anything. Or, you’ve had a few failed relationships that left you with a broken heart. You’re close to giving up the idea of marriage altogether and becoming a nun! You’re fed-up with feeling hurt and rejected.

Then … “Philip” arrives on the scene. He’s just the kind of man that you’ve been praying for. But …you’re afraid. What if it doesn’t work out this time? Should you end it before it even begins to save yourself from getting hurt again? Is love even worth the pain?

Most of us have experienced some level of rejection in our interactions with men at some point in time.

These are some common causes:

• You’re interested in a guy and it’s not reciprocated.
• Your former boyfriend ends the relationship and you felt betrayed.
• You and your former boyfriend agree to end it.
• You have been rejected by your biological father.

According to John Eckhardt in “Destroying the Spirit of Rejection: Receive Love and Acceptance and Find Healing”, the two main symptoms of rejection are fear and pride. 

‘Fear says, “I can no longer trust anyone. I have been hurt too badly, so I am afraid of commitment and close relationships.” Pride says. “I can do better by myself. Everyone has hurt me, and because of that I don’t need anyone in my life. I don’t need help. I can make it on my own.”’ – John Eckhardt

The fear of rejection can destroy your love life before a relationship begins or even has had a chance to blossom into marriage. 

My story

I was going along my merry way and enjoying my singleness (for the most part). From time to time, I earnestly prayed, “Lord, I’m ready to be married, so would you please bring my husband-to-be in my life?” (not the exact words!).

Finally, God answered my prayer! What I did not expect was my reaction to my “Phillip’s” pursuit. After waiting for a considerable amount of time for a wonderful man, one would think that I wouldn’t reject him. My behavior was quite the opposite. My fear of rejection (which I never knew I had) began to surface. It nearly destroyed our future together as husband and wife. It’s a good thing that I came to my senses before it was too late.

Here are some of the signs that your fear of rejection might destroy your love life:

1) You keep him at arm’s length.

Just like the other men in your life, you’re not sure that he can be trusted with your heart. Suppose he’s like your father or like “James” who broke your heart. Since you cannot trust him, you cannot be completely yourself around him. You cannot risk being vulnerable and allowing him into your heart. As a consequence, you keep him at a distance and also, keep true love away.

2) You cannot commit.

He is a dream come true. Undoubtedly, he has his faults, but his reputation and character sets him apart. He’s a treasure among men. You don’t want to lose him. But, at the same time, you’re afraid of either committing to an official relationship, courtship, engagement or even marriage. For you, another level of commitment might spell disaster and ruin a good thing. So, you remain in a safe comfort zone.

The level of comfort differs with each person. A woman with a fear of commitment might even make it to the altar, but she usually has “divorce” as a readily available option. 

3) You threaten to end the relationship frequently.

At the first sign of a conflict, you are ready to end the relationship. You want to protect your heart at all costs. Before your heart gets broken by him, you plan to break his heart first. Intellectually, you know that all healthy couples have disagreements, but at this point, you’re thinking only with your heart and not with your head. As a result, you’re unable to handle conflict maturely. Your only means of resolution is ending it or threatening to end it.

4) You make it clear that you don’t really need him.

He feels like he’s ‘walking on egg shells’ around you. Whenever there is a serious disagreement, not only do you threaten to end the relationship, but you also inform him that he’s not necessary. You let him know that you were happy being single before him and you’ll be just as happy without him. Christ is more than enough for you. What respectable man would want to be treated that way?

It’s good for a man to know that Christ is your number one. However, if your motive is one of pride (a symptom of rejection), it will only make the relationship unstable. If God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5), you’ll also find yourself “solo” if you continue in that vein. 

I gave my “Phillip” a very hard time. Every time we had a major disagreement, I told him, “we’re still single and we are not obligated to each other. If we were to end it now, it’ll be fine with me.” My fear of rejection, which I developed from my first broken relationship, reared its ugly head. Thankfully, God used him to help me to overcome rejection. 

5) You compare him with your former boyfriend(s).

He is beginning to feel that he is walking in the shadow of every man who has ever broken your heart. He’s not being given a fair chance. Thus, he feels that he cannot make a mistake, because he may remind you of “James”.

In a moment of conflict, he somehow morphs into “James” and your heartache and disappointment are compounded. Misery will be your own doing until you learn to separate these two men in your heart and mind.

My “Happily Ever After”

At one particular junction, I knew that if I didn’t change, it would have destroyed this loving healthy relationship for which I prayed. I had to change or lose him. It took that reality check for me to stop rejecting him. From that time onward, I stopped threatening to leave when things got difficult for me emotionally. I’m extremely grateful for his persistence in loving me despite my “ugliness”.

Summary

Fear of rejection can protect your heart from further rejection. Unfortunately, it can also keep love out where true healing and deliverance can come. A good relationship (brotherly or romantic) can restore your faith in men … if you were to embrace it.

Unconditional love is foundational for our survival and rejection is its enemy. A fear of rejection can cause you to behave in the following manner: keep “Phillip” at arm’s length; prevent you from making a greater commitment; end the relationship every time serious disagreements occur; communicate to him that you don’t need him; and unfairly compare him with your former boyfriends.

We all wish that relationships would be easier, but in a fallen world, all of us hurt people that we love. Your past disappointments in relationships can ruin your love life if you’re not aware of your rejection issues and if you do not actively deal with your baggage. Sometimes, you’re not even aware of the depth of your “baggage”. But ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what is happening in your heart. He might use a guy to show you just that! If we would choose to go through the process, the benefits would far outweigh the stresses. 

To recap, here are some of the signs that your fear of rejection might destroy your love life:

You …

1. Keep him at arm’s length.
2. Cannot commit.
3. Threaten to end the relationship frequently.
4. Make it clear that you don’t really need him.
5. Compare him with your former boyfriend(s).

What other signs of rejection might destroy a person’s love life? You can share from your experiences or those around you. Please comment below.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

8 Tips to Become Better and NOT Bitter After Heartbreak 

6 Blind Spots Keeping Love Away

Recommended Books:

“Destroying the Spirit of Rejection: Receive Love and Acceptance and Find Healing” by John Eckhardt

“Excuse Me … Your Rejection is Showing” by Noel Gibson and Phil Gibson

The post 5 Signs Fear of Rejection is Destroying Your Love Life appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Among the many qualities you want in a godly husband, are there some qualities he must definitely have?

You observe that there are many broken Christian marriages. As a result, it is very daunting but you’re hoping that your story will be different.

You dream of an enjoyable lasting marriage when you exchange your wedding vows. As such, your husband wish list is quite extensive (I had 25 criteria on my list!), but you need to separate the essentials from the ‘icing-on-the-cake’ non-essentials.

What are the deal breakers? Even if he isn’t drop-dead gorgeous with a well-toned physique, are there some qualities that are essential in a godly husband?

The label “Christian” is not enough.

It’s insufficient to think that if a man says that he’s a Christian that he’ll make a good husband. In my younger naive years, I thought just that.

However, a man could sincerely know and love God, but still make a poor husband. He could be lazy when it comes to his relationship with God. Therefore, he remains stagnant.

Or perhaps, he refuses to grow in crucial areas that would make him a better man. Growing takes discipline, diligence, grit to go through difficult processes and a willingness to change.

Oftentimes, God presents opportunities for growth that are not easy. If a godly man prefers the path of comfort, then the outcome will be zero or minimal growth.

Please do not confuse gifting with maturity. Just because a man is a gifted preacher, singer or teacher, it does not mean that he’s mature in his faith or growing in character. Check out ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Here are some essential qualities to seriously consider when choosing a godly husband:

1) Teachable.

You need a man who is humble and open to learning from others. The evidence of this is that there are other men in his life who hold him accountable and help him walk the ‘straight and narrow’ path.

A man will not always be open to hearing correction from you, so it’s important that he has good genuine ‘brothers’ who do that for him. He has to be intentional about it and take responsibility to nurture these relationships with other men.

I’ve observed that when godly men get together, great things happen in their lives. Proverbs 27:17 says, ‘as iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.’

It’s not easy being a godly husband (or man) these days, so he needs the community of sound godly brothers to stand strong. If he places himself under the mentorship of more mature men, than I’ll say that he’s a very wise man.

Don’t discount the power of male relationships. It can enhance your own future marriage.

If he’s comfortable only around women, pray that God will help him to be open and willing to have biblically-grounded men in his life. I firmly believe that a man learns how to be a real man by being around other strong godly men.

Women mentors can never replace the male mentorship that men need, especially in light of the high absenteeism of good fathers.

Questions to ponder:

• Is he a man open to learning from others?
• What are his reactions when he is corrected?
• Does he have accountability relationships with other men?
• Is he hard-headed (stubborn)?
• Are his closest friends foolish men or wise men? ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’

2) Emotional Stability.

Marriage can be rough at times. Your future husband needs to be stable and balanced to handle the ups and downs of life while leading his family.

This quality has little to do with physical health but rather emotional health. Although a person may have physical limitations, he may still be very capable of leading his family with strength and honour in the face of adversity.

Undoubtedly, leading a family is a huge responsibility for a godly husband, so you need someone who would be able to handle it well. Of course, as a wise woman, you have a great part to play in supporting him by your words, actions and prayers. A great resource is ‘The Power of a Praying Wife’ by Stormie Omartian.

Questions to ponder:

• How does he handle stress at work?
• How does he handle conflict in his current relationships?
• Does he have a trail of broken relationships among his family and friends?
• How does he respond when life throws a curveball at him?

3) Hard-working.

A hard-working man is worthy of admiration and respect. If the man is not hard-working, you’ll have major problems.

Imagine being married to a man who spends most of his waking hours playing video games, watching YouTube videos and chatting on social media (and earns no income from it).

You might want to pull out all your hair! Indeed, that’s a very frightful thought. If you choose to marry a lazy man, you’ll end up managing and providing for the entire home by yourself.

Your respect for him will die a slow but certain death and that will not be good for your marriage or your sexual intimacy. Therefore, you need a godly husband who will be responsible to take care of his family.

‘A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.’ Proverbs 10:3

Questions to ponder:

• Does he spend most of his time in idleness?
• As an adult man, does he depend on his parents/guardians/government to fully support him?
• Is he a dreamer but makes no effort to pursue those dreams by working hard toward them?
• Does he blame others for his ‘unfortunate’ lot in life?

4) Treats women with honour and respect.

I’ve heard it said that you’ll know how a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother. Hence, you want to observe if he has a healthy relationship with his mother.

Does he care for her? Is he kind toward her? Does he treat her like a lady? Is he gentle with her?

Additionally, the way he speaks of and treats other women is a good indication if he will honour and respect you.

Questions to ponder:

• How does he speak to his mother?
• In what way does he care for his mother and sisters?
• How does he speak about women in general?
• What can you observe about his treatment of women who are unrelated to him?

On the contrary, you don’t want the opposite extreme where your godly husband idolizes his mother. If that’s the case, then your future mother-in-law might be running (and ruining) your marriage.

5) Ability to lead.

Marriages simply work better when the man embraces the role as the head of the family. I’ve had leadership roles since my teenage years. However, it’s simply wonderful to have someone to lead our family and that person is not me!

I will gladly be the supportive wife.

There are areas under which you’ll give leadership, but ultimately, you need a husband who will embrace the main leadership role as the head of the family and not abscond from it.

A recommended resource is ‘Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage’ by Robert Lewis.

Questions to ponder:

• Does he shy away from responsibility?
• Who leads his life? Is it him or does he leave that to his parents/guardians?
• Does he still behave like a child and not like a grown man?

Summary

You will not find a man who is perfect and you’re not perfect either. But you need someone who is willing to grow in these areas- teachability, emotional stability, hard-working, his treatment of women and his ability to lead.

Don’t worry. There still exists single Christian men who are willing to not only hear the Word, but to also live it out, even when it feels uncomfortable.

That’s the kind of godly husband you want. May God make you the kind of woman who will be a blessing to that type of man.

To recap, here are some essential qualities to seriously consider when choosing a godly husband:

1. Teachable
2. Emotional Stability
3. Hard-working
4. Treats women with honour and respect
5. Ability to lead

I’d would love to hear your feedback. What are some deal breakers to you? Comment below! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands 

Recommended Books:

‘The Power of a Praying Wife’ by Stormie Omartian

‘The Power of a Praying Woman’ by Stormie Omartian

‘Rocking the Roles: Building a Win-Win Marriage’ by Robert Lewis

The post 5 Essential Qualities in a Godly Husband appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You’re in a relationship with the man of your dreams.  As you become closer, you want to express your desire for each other physically. The intensity of your passion is getting greater and you don’t know if you have the patience, resolve and strength to wait until marriage. Is sexual purity even possible? If you’re undecided regarding the benefits of waiting, please check out ‘6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful’.

Your passion is quite natural. We are sexual beings and God created sex to be enjoyed thoroughly by a husband and wife.  However, engaging in premarital sex will only reduce the pleasure and corrupt the beautiful gift that it is. Here are 7 tips that may help you to win at sexual purity:

1) Love God at any cost.

According to Josh McDowell’s ‘Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope That You Never Ask About Sex’, ‘purity is a commitment to live according to God’s design.’ Inherent in His original design is a mandate to refrain from sexual engagement before marriage in order to give yourself fully to your husband. Ladies, we have a choice to make. Are we going to lovingly obey God or are we going to choose our own way? The truth is that loving God has a cost. Are you willing to trust His heart toward You and obey Him?

2) Value yourself .

Whether you have a low, high or no self-esteem, the fact remains that you are considerably valuable to God. Don’t allow any man to tell you otherwise. However, the way a man treats you depends on you for the most part.  There’s a saying, ‘monkeys know which tree to climb.’ Have you noticed that a person will treat one person with utmost respect and another with disdain? It all boils down to respect. If a man is pressuring you for sex and he knows that premarital sex is contrary to your beliefs, then he doesn’t respect you or your God.

You want your boyfriend to adore and respect you. Check out the article ‘6 Guys to Resist’. Your interactions with him, your choices and your views will determine what he thinks of you and how he will treat you. Only you can embrace your value and effectively communicate your value to others by the life that you live. If you say one thing, and then do the opposite, no one will take you seriously.

3) Determine your convictions.

A conviction is a firmly held belief. Compromise is not an option. No one admires a weak wishy-washy person. We respect persons with strong convictions, whether we agree or not. My personal conviction was that I would not engage in any form of sexual activity before marriage (including kissing).

For me, this was not an easy conviction to embrace initially. During my teenage years, I would fantasize continually about kissing and sexual encounters. However, I had always valued my virginity and held firmly to wait until marriage for sex. Up to that point, only penetration was an absolute ‘no’. It was at college, I adopted the view of saving my kisses only for my husband. I recently got married and my first kiss was actually when I said ‘I do’ at the altar. It was definitely special!

4) Communicate your convictions.

Men cannot read minds. From the early stages in a budding relationship, you need to let your love interest know your convictions. It’s only fair that he knows them beforehand. He could have one of three reactions:

1) He expresses that he has the same convictions. At this point, you’ll do a little jig.

2) He disagrees, but is willing to be open and explore what the Bible says about sexual purity. Don’t run from him. He might be a keeper.

3) He disagrees and tries to dissuade you. He even makes fun of you. Don’t  waste your time. Exit as soon as possible.

My husband did not agree with my ‘kissing’ view initially, but he was willing to hear my views and to respect my opinions. He was definitely a keeper!

You can’t come up with boundaries in the heat of the moment. Boundaries must be decided and communicated before anything happens.  They determine what you will do and what you will not do. When my husband and I were courting, he expressed to me that it is his practice to avoid being in a house alone with his girlfriend. My pastor would leave his office opened whenever he met with a female.

5) Establish your boundaries.

Some persons may see these decisions as ludicrous and going overboard, but we need to remember two things:

1) We’re not super-humans. Many times, we need to put boundaries in place to protect ourselves. Romans 13:14 says, ‘but put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.’

2) We need to protect our Christian witness. We no longer live for ourselves as Christians, but we live for God before a watching world. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 says, ‘abstain from all appearance of evil.’

We would have less scandals in the church if we were to place wise boundaries in our lives.

Some suggestions:

• Refuse to be in a bedroom alone together.
• Refrain from being in a house alone for a prolonged period of time.
• Have dates in public spaces.
• Set a high standard for what you will do and not do as a couple.
• Choose friends who will hold you both accountable.
• Do not stay in the car alone for too long.

6) Guard your eyes and mind.

You will find that your fight to remain sexually pure will be weakened when your choice of entertainment stimulates your sexual appetite. When I was a teenager, I consumed many books that were sexually explicit. I naively thought that they were harmless. After all, I wasn’t engaging in any direct sexual activity with a man. However, those images make it very difficult to have clean thoughts. They can lead to sexual addictions like pornography and masturbation and a life preoccupied with sexual fantasies.

Be very careful of the types of movies, books, songs and videos that entertains you. As the saying goes, ‘garbage in, garbage out.’ The good news is that the Holy Spirit can help us to overcome, but it is oftentimes a long challenging journey for many. Additionally, please stay away from sexting or any communication that awakens your sexual desires. Contrary to popular belief, all these indulgences are anything but harmless. When you do get married, you’ll be met with a lot of disappointment because the movies and romance novels are just fantasies and not real life. The sooner you overcome, the better chance of having a healthy sex life and happy marriage.

7) Join a community with similar views.

It’s not easy to chose sexual purity in the times that we live. That’s why you need the strength of a community that embraces and supports sexual purity. It’s difficult to do it alone. Find a community of friends who will support you in your journey. There are still many who have not bowed to the lies and pressures of society.

I What have been your experiences? What tips do you have as well? What lessons have you learnt along the way?  I’d love you hear from you. Please comment below. Subscribe and get your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire, along with weekly short and sweet email tips from me.

With love,

Kimberly

Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

The post 7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Is sex before marriage the new norm for Christian singles? You’re probably beginning to notice that many church-goers have begun to live together or engaging in sexual relations. Christian women are now pressuring their partners for sex and vice versa. Did we miss something? Did God change His mind about sexual purity? Is there a new 21st century version of the Bible that permits, promotes and celebrates sex before marriage? I assure you that no such thing has happened. Being a virgin is STILL wonderful!

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God;” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5)

In the book “The Art of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love”, a study by Tim and Beverly LaHaye found that married women who had no sexual experience were about 10 percent more likely to be sexually satisfied in their marriage than those who had lost their virginity before their wedding day. That’s wonderful news for single women!

To study what God says, check out “The Best Sex -A Self-Study on Sexual Purity” in my resource library.

Here are 6 reasons why being a virgin is still wonderful:

1) Being a virgin helps you to express true love.

Waiting for sex helps you to EXPRESS TRUE LOVE for the following people –

• The man you will marry;
• Your boyfriend;
• The woman that your boyfriend may end up marrying (you might break up);
• Yourself;
• God; and
• A young Christian woman who is looking up to you.

For more on this, check out my article, “5 People You Love When You Save Sex for Marriage” and the video!

2) Being a virgin offers safety and security.

There are enough situations that occupy our minds without adding the fear of contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) or being pregnant. Why give yourself extra worries? You should have sweet sleep when you rest your head on that pillow. One of my good friends is living proof that condoms do not work 100% of the time because she was the result. Also, Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is the most prevalent STD. It is incurable, easily transmitted, and causes cervical cancer in women. A moment of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of illness and regret.

Get the “Purity Commitment” and “The Best Sex – A Self-Study on Sexual Purity” which are in my resource library TODAY!

3) No sex before marriage prevents COMPETITION IN BED.

During the act of lovemaking, you call out ‘Harry’, but your husband’s name is ‘Tom’! That’s not a pretty picture. Our brains are powerful storehouses of memories, including sexual experiences. If you don’t have sex now, you will have a clean slate for you and your husband to write some exciting scripts…without unwanted competition.

4) No sex gives more clarity to choose a husband.

Too many women regret marrying their husbands. Sexual activity can squeeze out quality communication that is needed to discern compatibility. You might think that you and your boyfriend are a good fit because you have incredible sex together. But you cannot have sex 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. He might make a good sex partner, but a terrible husband. Give yourself the best opportunity to make a sensible choice for a future husband.

5) No sex builds trust in a relationship.

If you and your boyfriend are not sexually active, then you would have developed a deep level of mutual trust. Together, you honored God; demonstrated self-control; and acted in the highest interest of each other. That’s a wonderful foundation for a happy thriving marriage.

6) Saving sex for marriage protects your Christian Testimony.

Although some ‘Christians’ are claiming that nothing is wrong with premarital sex, we all know that unbelievers expect us to pursue a lifestyle of holiness because we claim to serve a holy God.  And they are right! We have a high standard by which to live and the power of the Holy Spirit to help us. Let’s not cause people to disrespect the God that we say we love.

‘You who brag about the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? As it is written, “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”’ (Romans 2:23-24)

Bonus!

Keeping your virginity will test a man’s love for you.

If a man truly loves you and God, he will not pressure you for sex.  Check out ‘6 Guys to Resist’. Keeping your virginity intact will unveil his true intentions and his character. Does he have self-control? Is he a man with deep biblical convictions? Does he have integrity? If he wants to taste of the ‘fruit’ before he ‘pays’ the price, then something is certainly wrong.

Women with past sexual experiences …

For those for you who have been touched inappropriately or raped, it was not your fault. You don’t need to feel guilty or ashamed. We live in a sick fallen world, and unfortunately, abuse is a consequence of it. Jesus is able to heal and redeem.

You might be a woman who has willingly given of yourself sexually in the past. With Jesus, he can transform your life and give you a beautiful future. All of us have erred and that’s why Jesus came. An excellent book to read is “Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret” by Paula Rhinehart.

You too can choose to refrain from any further sexual activity until you are married. One of my single friends has two children and has never been married. She too has decided to no longer engage in any form of sexual activity until marriage.  

Will you join us? Let’s join together as women who will dare to be different!

Summary

Being a virgin makes a whole lot of sense! I choose sexual purity because I am in a loving relationship with God who is pure, holy, loving and wise. God’s desire is to protect my heart and provide the best environment for me as a woman. He wants to do the same for you. Will you trust His heart toward you?

I would love to hear your views. What are other reasons why virginity is STILL wonderful? Please comment below. When you subscribe, you’ll get your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You’ll also receive my weekly email tips to help you to grow in your relationships and you can communicate with me directly. Check out the recommended books below which have been helpful to me in pursuing a lifestyle of sexual purity. Ignorance is not bliss!

Share, Like and Subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly

Get “The Best Sex – A Self-Study on Sexual Purity”!

When you complete the form below, you will get the password to access my full resource library.  

Recommended books:

The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex by Josh McDowell and Erin Davis.

The Art of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye

Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret by Paula Rhinehart

And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 6 Reasons Being a Virgin is STILL Wonderful appeared first on Petals Bloom.

It doesn’t matter if he is:

• Always at church;
• Knows books of the Bible by heart;
• Has the sweetest heavenly singing voice; or
• Preaches the best sermons.

You’re marrying the person and not his gift or his faithful service. What matters is his character and if he’s willing to mature in every area of his life.  

If you’re unsure if he’s a true Christian, get my “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him.” It will be helpful!

Here are 6 types of Christian guys to resist:

1) Overly- Jealous Owen

There are insanely jealous Christian men out there. Maybe he’s had his heart broken by an unfaithful girlfriend in the past.  Or, maybe he saw unfaithfulness in his parents’ lives and he has developed a fear that prevents him from seeing things clearly.

Regardless of the reason, an overly jealous man will not be able to trust you even if you were Mother Teresa! This is one of the guys to resist!

Signs that he’s overly jealous:

• He accuses you of being with every man that you meet, even the gas station attendant.
• He checks your phone or wants to check your phone to see your communication with other men.
• When he suspects that you’re talking to another male on the phone, he always demands to know who it is and why that person is calling you.
• He demands that you cut ties with all the men in your life except your father and brother(s).

2) Abusive Adam

Abuse takes several forms beyond physical abuse. Regardless, all forms are destructive. And yes, there are Christian men who are very abusive. I don’t know how they justify it but they do.

“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” Proverbs 22:24-25

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can be so subtle that you’re not even aware when it started happening and what it looks like. You may not think anything is wrong with what your boyfriend is telling you or the way that he’s treating you until a someone else expresses to you that something is wrong.

You may justify it because you know that he was just feeling down or he’s having a rough time at work. The fact is that if he is emotionally unhealthy, it will negatively impact your relationship and you will be damaged in the process.

Add him to the list of guys to resist! If you don’t run from this unhealthy man now, sooner or later, you’ll be the one seeing the counsellor.

Physical abuse

No right-thinking follower of Jesus will be justify abuse. Jesus elevated women and gave them value.

Many times, signs of abuse can be seen early in a relationship. Unfortunately, your innate desire to nurture and support a man can prevent you from seeing the disaster that lies ahead.  

Also, if you have lived in an abusive home, it will be harder for you to detect abuse from others. Undoubtedly, you need to resist guys like that!

Signs of an Abuser:

• He gives you the silent treatment for prolonged periods. This is a form of punishment which all of us need to resist if we want healthy relationships.
• He puts you down subtly or blatantly.
• His tactic is to isolate you from other relationships, especially friends or relatives who do not approve of him.
• He blames others (and you) for his poor behavior.
• He uses his emotions to manipulate you.
• You find that he has become very possessive of you.
• He’s controlling.
• He has a bad temper.

3) Pretending Patrick

My friend was telling me that she met this guy who seemed to be a Christian.  He sounded just like a Christian but she felt in her spirit that something just wasn’t right about him.  She couldn’t put her finger on it.

Subsequently, she began to notice behaviors that seemed very unChristian-like. A true follower of Jesus must have a talk and a walk that are aligned to Christ. No one is perfect, but he should be growing.

Signs of a Pretender:

• He forces you to compromise your standards.
• He mocks you for having certain convictions.
• if it suits him, he will try to justify his actions.
• He will say one thing and do the opposite.
• He lacks integrity.

“Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

To evaluate the types of guys to resist, you can use my “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him” which you can access in my resource library.

4) Manipulative Marlon

He’s the man who says, ‘if you love me, then you will have sex with me.’ I have one word for you – ”Run”! Some ‘Christian’ men are pressuring their girlfriends to compromise God’s standards of purity.  

Ladies, sexual purity is God’s design to lovingly protect you from harm and provide the best for you.  If a man forces you to indulge in sexual activities which are against your standards, he doesn’t love you and he doesn’t respect you.  

He’s, in fact, a very self-seeking man. Such selfishness is not a good foundation for a successful marriage. Also, it will not stop at sex, but he will try to ‘guilt-trip’ you in other ways as well.

Signs of a Manipulator:

• The typical line of this manipulator is, “If you love then you will…” That is not true love.
• He has a convincing way of manipulating Scriptures to get what he wants.
• He plays on your emotions through anger, guilt or even sadness.

5) Sad-Story Sam

Some men want a woman to provide for them and take care of them.  There may be times when a man may be broke, but it cannot be that he has absconded from his God-given responsibility and want to place it fully on your shoulders, especially before marriage. Here’s another guy to resist!

Signs of a sad-story man:

• You observe that he’s always borrowing money.
• He blames his parents, the government, the church, etc. Before long, you will also be added to that list!
• He doesn’t take full responsibility for his life as an adult.

6) Married Mark

Ladies, adultery doesn’t just happened overnight. Most Christians do not have on their bucket list “I must commit adultery.” However, adultery is easier and more subtle than you think. It happens because we naively indulge in conversations and develop deep emotional relationships with married men. Adultery first starts in the heart.

Here is what typically happens:

Steps leading to adultery:

• You and Mark are becoming friends.
• One day, he feels comfortable to share with you that he’s having marital problems.
• You like Mark as a friend so you listen to him attentively and empathize with him.
• After a while, you conclude (without knowing the full story) that the wife must be the problem. How could she treat a good man like Mark so wretchedly!
• Mark likes that you are so supportive and non-judgemental, so he makes time to constantly share with you his marital woes.
• You enjoy talking with Mark and you feel special because you are his only confidante.
• As you begin to share deeply with him concerning your life and he continues to reciprocate, you develop a closeness.
• You begin to feel that he’s your soulmate.
• A physical attraction develops.
• And boom … you have a full-fledged romance!

God did not call you, a single woman, to rescue unhappily married men from their sad marriages.  There’s only one Saviour and that is Jesus Christ.  He doesn’t need your help, except to pray from a distance!

Others can help him!

You might feel needed and think that you’re the only one in the world with whom he can talk.   However, there are billions of people in the world. I’m sure that he can find at least one other man in whom to confide. I urge you to leave men, like married Mark, alone and protect the covenant that he has made with his wife. As a matter of fact, you can pray that his marriage is restored.

This site utilizes affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no extra charge to you.

A good book that I would highly recommend is, ‘Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It’ by Jerry B. Jenkins. It’s written for married couples but it is extremely insightful to show singles how easily adultery can happen.

Bonus: Married but separated …

After hearing several stories, I need to add the man who is separated with his wife. A man separated rom his wife is still legally married and should not even make the effort to pursue another woman.

Let us honour marriages under every cirucumstance, including but not limted to the following reasons:

1. He is planning to get a divorce.
2. His wife was abusive.
3. He is unhappy with her.
4. His wife is not a Christian so he was “unequally yoked.” Btw, God honours all marriages!
5. She was unfaithful to him.
6. She has left him.
7. His divorce is in process.

​

We need to honour marital vows, regardless of the circumstances.

My sister, God wants better for you.

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:6

Related articles:

5 Guys to Consider as Future Husbands 

Should You Consider Marrying an Unbeliever?

6 Glaring Signs He is Not a True Christian

Summary

These types of guys to resist need a counsellor and some male friends and not a girlfriend or a wife right now. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth to you. One of the best ways to protect your own heart is to let trusted friends and family meet this ‘prospect’ before you decide to let him into your heart.  

When a friend was entering a relationship, her boss told her, “Do not let the fire of your heart blow smoke in your eyes.” Even if you might be temporarily blinded by love, others will be able to see clearly.

Can he change?

I firmly believe that God can change a person, but the person has to be a willing participant. Therefore, if you meet him that way, please expect that he will remain the same until he decides to change. And that, ladies, might take a mighty long time.

You should not marry a man and plan to change him like if he’s a renovation project. No one likes that. You’re not looking for a perfect man, but you want a Christian man who is seeking to mature in every area of his life. Your aim is not to simply get married, but you also want an enjoyable Christ-centered marriage.

“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20

Resist Christian men who have poor characters! Under those circumstances, singleness is surely better. The best thing that you can do for these men is to prayer for their deliverance and healing.

“The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16)

What kind of men have you met who you needed to resist?  Please comment below:) Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

‘Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It’ by Jerry B. Jenkins

‘The Mark of a Man: Following Christ’s Example of Masculinity’ by Elisabeth Elliot

Get my “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him” and more resources by completing the form below to get access to my resource library!

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