“Petrina” has surrendered her desire for marriage to God … again. She has to travel to attend a two-week work-related conference and this time, she has put meeting any ‘person of interest’ out of her mind. She’s simply going to improve her skills; meet new colleagues from other parts of the world; and enjoy herself.

Then, she meets an above-average handsome guy, “Eric”. Slowly, but very intentionally, “Eric” seeks “Petrina’s” attention. He makes his presence very known to her. He is obviously into her and she is also becoming attracted to him. She is drawn to his heart for God; his obvious leadership skills; his gentlemanly manner; and his confidence.

By the end of the conference, “Eric” expresses his romantic interest in “Petrina” and they exchange contact information. When she returns to her country, they begin to spend hours on end talking with one another. Petrina ponders, “Could “Eric” be the one?”

However, as time passes, she discovers a few disturbing details about “Eric’s” life. Is he romancing her and another former love interest of his? Could she really trust him? Although he is a nice guy and says he’s interested in marrying her, she wonders if he is ready for a serious committed relationship.

After confiding in two of her spiritually mature friends, they confirmed the doubts she had about “Eric”. He simply was not in a position to be in a relationship right now. He hadn’t dealt with some of his baggage of the past and he wasn’t willing to make the necessary changes to grow.

Their 9-month head-spinning romance ends. “Petrina” is disappointed once again. Will she ever meet a sane growing Christian man who is a good fit for her?

If you’ve been disappointed time and time again with men, God sees your hurt and your disappointment.

Here are 6 tips to hope again when you face another failed relationship:

1) Do not be in denial.

Although you may want to appear strong and that the failed “relationship” didn’t rock your boat, you need to be honest that you are, in fact, disappointed … again. You are ready to give up. You have encountered another blow to your already fragile heart. It is okay to be angry and to cry.

2) Be gracious to yourself.

After another disappointing would-be romantic relationship, it is easy to fall into the blame game and the main target is you.

Thoughts like these might permeate your mind:

• “How could I let myself fall for him?”
• “Is something wrong with me?”
• “Why do I keep attracting the ‘wrong’ men?”
• “How could I have missed the warning signs?”
• “I knew it was too good to be true!”

Oftentimes, you have no way of knowing how a relationship would turn out regardless of how careful you are. (And that’s why you need wise counselors who often come in the form of spiritually sober friends and relatives!) Therefore, give yourself some “slack” and be comforted with the fact that God is all-knowing. He will work in your best interest, even when you are misguided at times.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 ESV

Please know that you will NEVER be able to protect yourself from all hurt despite your best efforts.

AND, you will NEVER make 100% prudent choices 100% of the time, regardless of your level of spiritual maturity. Hence, this is why it is so important to rely on God and humbly submit to Him.

3) Do not make any vows that you’ll later regret.

In your sorrow, do not make any vows that would harden your heart toward men. A hardened heart might protect you from future pain, but it will also keep love out. Although I was disappointed about the relationship that failed to make it to the marriage altar, in a strange way I was also relieved because I felt unsettled by it. As such, I was still very open to meeting my future husband … whenever that would have materialized. My husband-to-be re-entered my life about a year after.

4) Make an effort to learn from your mistakes.

One of the blessings of failures is the life-long lessons that we learn from them. What made you fall for him in the first place? Was there a warning sign (or several)? What positive characteristics did he possess that you admired? What steps can you take to protect your heart in the future?

5) Renew your hope in God.

You might be emotionally drained, but allow the Lord to restore you and your hope in meeting your “Boaz”. As a single Christian woman, you need to have the delicate balance of surrendering your desire for marriage to God as well as keeping your hope for marriage alive.

To me, a person without hope is like a walking dead man (or woman). Hope is important to living. If you feel hopeless about getting married, I pray that God will renew your hope in Him. He is able to make it happen regardless of your age. When a single woman loses her hope in getting married, oftentimes she allows herself to “waste” away.

Whether you choose to marry or not, you a have a responsibility to be a good steward of your overall health.

6) Forgive the guys.

We are broken beings. Most of the guys in your past probably did not mean to break your heart. Even if you had a few wicked men in your life, it is still healthy for you to forgive them. When your heart is filled with unforgiveness, it will blind you and make your heart bitter. Therefore, forgive him as God has forgiven you.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Summary

I’ve had many disappointments in love and I know it is easy to give up on love and marriage altogether. However, I want to encourage you to lay your disappointments at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to heal your heart. Then, you’ll have the capacity to love again.

Do you feel weary about romantic relationships? Do you feel that you’re unable to give another man a chance with your heart? Comment and let us know!

To recap,

Here are 6 tips to feel hope when you face another failed relationship:

• Do not be in denial.
• Be gracious to yourself.
• Do not make any vows that you’ll later regret.
• Make an effort to learn from your mistakes.
• Renew your hope in God.
• Forgive the guys.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Are you in an Unhealthy Relationship? 8 Signs

8 Tips to Become Better and NOT Bitter After Heartbreak 

5 Sure Tips to Prevent You From Falling for the Wrong Guy

Recommended Books:

Beating the Break-Up Habit by Dick Purnell

Givers, Takers And Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell 

Becoming a Friend and Lover: Building a Quality Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime by Dick Purnell

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