You are a committed Christian woman, but you find yourself constantly falling into sexual sin with guys. The last time, it just mashed you up so much and you’re like, “I need to get a grip. I need to grow in this area”.

The thing is, when it comes to sexual temptation, it’s kind of difficult. It’s probably extra difficult these days because we are inundated with so much sexual material in the movies, in the books, the songs, music videos and the like.

Also, it has become a sad situation when Christian men are encouraging you and pressuring you for sex. There are women like that too! It just shows the way that we have allowed the world to infiltrate us so much that we have become powerless as people of God. So let’s overturn this trend. I want to share with you what has helped me and what could also help you overcome in this particular area. 

Here are 4 Tips on How to Deal with Sexual Temptation as a Single Woman:

1) Make up your mind.

You have to decide for yourself. No one can decide for you. In Daniel 1:8, it says that Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile himself with the king’s choice foods, with the king’s food or wine. 

So there are times when you need to make up your mind and allow God to be the one to help you; fight for you; and to prosper you, even when your decisions might be very unpopular to others. Therefore, in order to deal with sexual temptation, you have to make up your mind for yourself.

2) Know what the Bible says about sexual purity.

Now, your feelings can come and go, but what will remain is the Word of God. 

“I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you”. – Psalm 119:11

As such, the Word of God is extremely important if you really want to win this battle. If you want to overcome sexual temptation with men, you need to renew your mind with the Word of God. A particular portion scripture that really helped me when I was growing in this particular area, is found in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-6

You need a proper foundation in order for you to be strong in this particular area. Your feelings will be insufficient to help you when you are in a difficult situation. The interesting thing is, from my own experience and from what I know, there are quality men who will have their boundaries. And there are lots of good single men still out there. 

But I have found that, in general, men look to us to establish our boundaries and the sexual boundaries for the relationship. Therefore, you have to decide beforehand what your boundaries will be.

When you find Scripture that can strengthen your resolve to deal with sexual temptation, it is not sufficient to just read that portion of scripture once and done. No! You need to memorize it and meditate on it for it to move from your head to your heart so that you will really, really, really believe it. It needs to become a solid conviction and your own personal conviction … not your pastor’s conviction, not your youth pastor’s conviction, not your parents’ conviction, but yours!

It has to become your personal conviction for you to really overcome in this particular area.

3) Determine your boundaries in dating.

“That each of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor”. – 1 Thessalonians 4:4

You have to control your own body and help the guy to control his body as well. You need to think about boundaries in four particular areas, and here are a few questions to ask yourself.

Physical touch

What will you do or or will not do when it comes to physical touch with a guy you are seeing? 

Physical space

Do you have any particular boundaries with respect to being alone together? 

Sharing information

What will you share or will you not share with the guy that you are seeing? 

An accountability partner or friend

Is there someone in your life that can ask you the hard questions after you come back from a date? For example. “How things are going with you and ‘Charlie’? How are you dealing with the whole area of physical intimacy?” 

We need these people in our lives to help us to walk the straight and narrow path. We need someone to pray for us and we need someone with whom we can be accountable. 

You will see a great improvement in your ability to live more and more for Christ and in holiness and in purity when you have someone by your side rooting for you, supporting you, and willing to ask you the difficult questions. 

Have you determined your boundaries when it comes to dating?

4) Surround yourself with a like-minded community.

I can’t express how important a community is … whether an in-person community or an online community. Although online communities are good (to an extent), but you honestly need a community in real life who meet face-to-face.

Like for me, before I was even in a relationship, I was involved in a Christian community and those individuals helped me to cement and strengthen my views on sexual purity and helped me to stay strong. I had people who were talking the same language. They were kind. They were loving. We were transparent with one another. We were vulnerable. We also prayed for one another. This is the kind of community that you want because you cannot be alone in this journey.

When I was on a mission trip, we did a study based on the book “The Bride Wore White Seven Secrets, the Sexual Purity” by Dannah Gresh. I would highly recommend this book and its accompanying workbook.

Additionally, I would like to invite you to join my 90-day purity challenge. As soon as you sign up here, I will send you weekly emails within that time period including Scriptures for you to study, my own personal stories in my quest in sexual purity or stories from other women.

Summary

Although it may seem a challenge to overcome sexual temptation in this day and age, you can win this fight. As a Christian, you can be successful at being sexually pure. The journey might be long, but I am certain that Jesus can help you to deal with sexual temptation.

To recap,

• Here are some tips on how to handle sexual temptation:
  1. Making up your mind.
  2. Know what the Bible says about sexual purity.
  3. Determine your boundaries in dating.
  4. Surround yourself with a like-minded community.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

6 Lies About Sex Before Marriage (and the Truth)

How to Stop Having Sex with Your Boyfriend 

4 Really Poor Reasons for Choosing Celibacy

Recommended Books:

And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

And the Bride Wore White Companion Guide: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

Let Me be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite E-Reader

The post How to Deal with Sexual Temptation as a Single Christian Woman appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Here are the top 3 tantalizing temptations that single women face:

​1) Temptation 1: Marrying a non-believer.

A hard-working intelligent ambitious drop-dead gorgeous guy may enter your life. There’s only one problem. He’s not a Christian. But the good thing is that he will respect your religion.  The end goal of life is not to marry. Rather, it is to love God with our entire being which translates into obedience.

​
​“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. “ John 14:15

Here is what usually happens …

First, you start off with wanting a husband who walks securely and intimately with Christ. Then, as you realize that no such man is pursuing you, you might be drawn to the man who bears some resemblance of being religious OR someone who will respect and tolerate your beliefs in Christ.

An unbeliever comes in many shapes and sizes, but they are all still square pegs trying to fit into your round hole. You can force it, but in the end, you will realize it wasn’t the best choice. Take it from me, singleness is better than disobeying God and marrying an unbeliever. It is not in your best interest (or his!).

Confession: I did date an unbeliever once and he was mighty “fine”.

​2) Temptation 2: Having sex before marriage.

Yes, you have sexual needs. You’re wondering, “Why would God make you a sexual being if He didn’t want you to have sex?”  He definitely wants you to have sex – when you are married!  His order is marriage and then sex. Undoubtedly, God has designed sex for married couples to experience oneness.

You do not need to “fuse” with any man other than your husband (in the security of a covenant relationship).

As a single woman, He has given You His grace and the self-control to keep pure through the power of His Holy Spirit. Regardless of your past sexual experiences, God can keep you if and when you say, “I do”.

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18

Your sexual desires might have already been awakened to varying degrees based on what you have seen, thought or acted upon. The enemy has waged a war against our purity and has taken a good footing on the mind and experiences of Christians, starting from a very early age.

However, God desires our purity because He is pure and holy. With the help of His Holy Spirit and the Word of God, you can conquer every temptation to indulge in any form of sexual sin. I personally can attest to the power of God in being able to choose purity. Even if you have already engaged in sex in some form, you can choose to abstain until you get married. If you never get married, God can sustain you. God’s grace and power is real and available to you.

3) Temptation 3: Having a child before marriage (for unmarried singles with no children).

(If you unintentionally had a child before marriage, then is not to make you feel guilty. Provide the best for the child you have!)

You’re getting older and you want a child. Another temptation single women face is the urgency to have a child before her child-bearing days end. Currently, there are alternatives to having a child without having sexual relations with a man, with the added bonus of selecting your “ideal” sperm donor.

However, you need to also ask the following questions:

• Is this God’s order?
• Is it in your best interest?
• Will this action glorify God?
• Is it the most loving thing you can do for a child?

​
God doesn’t give commands and establishes order because He’s bored and has nothing else to do with His time. He does it because He is wise, loving, intelligent, and purposeful. I know many wonderful single Christian mothers, but each one would prefer that there was a godly loving husband to play a significant role in fathering the child.

Why men are important in families …

Parenting was never designed to be one way by one parent. It is tough when a parent has died. For a child to lose a parent because of death is heartbreaking enough. But for a child to grow up without a father who is alive and well, but very absent is inconceivably grievous and agonizing for a child. No amount of justification will be able to help a child to fill that hole in his/her own soul.

For the most part, children blame themselves for the absence of their biological father.  Let’s not do this to God’s precious creation on purpose. Although a single mother can try her very best to be an exceptional parent, she will never ever be able to take the place of a father who is absent.

Also, you need a husband for your own sanity. Many mothers with young children often comment that they cannot even go to “pee” in privacy! Taking a simple shower is likened to a spa…. a rare opportunity to be pampered.

You are doing yourself a major injustice to willingly have a child before marriage. Please love yourself (and the child) enough to refrain!

Why we need fathers …

This issue is gaining traction as society loses sight of the importance of fathers in the family unit. God has a purpose for every institution He has created including the family. Just as a woman cannot have a child without the sperm of a man, the child cannot be fully healthy without the presence and input of a loving father.

Father-figures can be helpful, but children would always question the absence of their own biological father.  The best thing you can do for a child is to give him/her a father who is actively involved in his/her life. A man gives more than a sperm.  A father gives stability, correction, courage, confidence, wisdom, value to a girl/woman, strength to a young boy/man and the list goes on. A father’s role will never become insignificant and no mother, however well-meaning or loving she is, can replace a child’s father.

Suggestion: How about being like Amy Carmichael (a single Christian missionary) and use your natural nurturing strength to mother orphans?

I probably stepped on some toes here!

Summary

You do not have to give into those temptations. I encourage you to surrender your singleness to God and allow Him to add value to this powerful and purposeful season. It is possible to be content; wait on God’s timing; and submit to His plan for your life. His desire will always be to provide you with a full and meaningful life (John 10:10). Will you trust His heart toward you? I pray that you will do! You will not regret it.

To recap, here are the top 3 tantalizing temptations that single women face:

​1) Temptation 1: Marrying a non-believer.

2) Temptation 2: Having sex before marriage.

3) Temptation 3: Having a child before marriage (for unmarried singles with no children).

Among the three temptations that I mentioned, which do you think is the most seductive? What do you think are some other temptations single women face? Comment below!

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Should You Consider Marrying an Unbeliever?

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

The post Top 3 Tantalizing Temptations Single Women Face appeared first on Petals Bloom.

They may include the following:

• Losing your virginity to the wrong man;
• Allowing a relationship to become sexual too fast;
• Having casual sex or engaging in sexual activities with strangers or friends (“friends with benefits”)
• Becoming sexually active with a man who broke his commitment;
• Being unfaithful to a former boyfriend/fiancé;
• Having sexual relationships with too many men;
• Engaging in masturbation and pornography;

When you hear talks about sexual purity, you feel a sense of shame.  You either want to attack or hide.  Both reactions can prevent you from seeing God’s perspective; block your ability to make corrective changes in your life; or even limit your ministry to others.  

Get your self-study on sexual purity in my resource library!

Your past sexual regrets do not have to plague you for the rest of your life. Jesus Christ has paid the price (a very high price) for your freedom.  

Here are 6 tips to really move past your sexual regret:

1) Forgive yourself.

You know that God has already forgiven you, but you feel that you are not worthy of God’s love and forgiveness.  Let me tell you straight.  That is not humility.  It is the age-old pride masking itself as humility.  True humility aligns itself with the Word of God.  If God has forgiven you, then you can forgive yourself.  God wants you to be completely free from guilt and shame so that He can glorify Himself through you and even use your past! 

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 

2) Resist the real enemy.

Know who your real enemy is.  It is not you, or Christians who encourage sexual purity or the men (or man) you have been with.  Constantly punishing yourself, perpetuating negative self-talk, and avoiding Christian community is exactly what the enemy of your soul wants.  He wants to keep you isolated with lies and in bondage to your past.

Instead, you need to resist the enemy by wielding the truth of God’s Word against lies and seeking to obey Him.  When Jesus was being tempted by the enemy in the desert, He spoke the written Word of God.  You can do that too!

‘And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone.’”’ Luke 4:4

3) Be patient with your process.

At times, you are making progress and then one memory, one event, or one trigger can send you two steps backward.  You may either revert to sexual sin or you may just feel like a lousy defeated Christian. At those times, remember the progress that you have made and that God is with you. 

Your sanctification is a life-long process and God started it the very second you gave your life to Jesus Christ.  Through God’s Holy Spirit and His Word, you are slowly (but surely) becoming what He has already declared to be true of you.  To help you in your journey, get your self-study on sexual purity.

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9

4) Embrace your identity in Christ and your value.

Knowing your identity in Christ will do two things. Firstly, you will know that your value is not based on your sexiness, your ability to fulfil the sexual needs of a man or being a sexual goddess. You are a beloved daughter of the King.  God gives you your value and not your body, a man or your sexual appetite.  Secondly, your identity in Christ will give you the freedom to live sexually pure.

When I was struggling with my own sexual sin, I acted like a slave to my desires and actions.  In fact, I believed I was a slave!  No amount of promises to God curbed my thoughts and actions.  The Word of God set me free, along with the power of the Holy Spirit.  Understanding and embracing the truth about your identity is Christ is crucial to walk in victory.  Therefore, meditate on Scriptures that counteract the lies until they set you free.

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin.  Romans 6:1-7

5) Limit your exposure to certain people.

You don’t want to be around people who constantly remind you of your past mistakes.  Your memory is fine and it doesn’t need any extra help.  Additionally, do not allow naysayers to take you off-course.  Sexual purity is possible for all believers regardless of past sexual experiences!  Therefore, you do not have to continue living with sexual regret and give up the quest.

I will not tell anyone to avoid all “negative” people, unbelievers or “toxic” people in their life.  If all Christians were to be among only like-minded Christians, how would we influence a dying world for Christ? Rather, I would suggest that you manage the level of interaction and closeness. You are to be the salt and light.

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;”  Psalm 1:1

6) Believe that God can transform you.

You are not tied to your past.  Although you have made some poor choices in the past, every negative pattern of behavior can be broken.  Without a doubt, God has made every human being to be highly trainable.  If you allow Him, He can transform you into a woman of purpose, strong, confident and resilient.  But He needs your willingness. 

Will you surrender your life into his loving and capable arms?

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.[a] The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 1 Corinthians 5:17

Related articles:

How to Stop Having Sex with Your Boyfriend

5 People You Love When You Save Sex for Marriage

How to Beat Porn Addiction and Other Sexually Addictive Behaviors | 10 Practical Tips

Summary

Each day represents a new beginning for your life.  Today can be your beginning to a life of freedom from sexual regret.  As you allow God to work in your heart, it will only be a matter of time when you will bear little resemblance to the former you.  Instead of being ashamed of your past, allow God’s redemptive power to make you into a new and improved woman.  Jesus made it possible by dying on the cross and rising from the dead.  

‘“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed,’ Luke 4:18-19

What has made it difficult for you to move past sexual regret?  What has helped you the most?  Comment below and let me know! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get your Self-Study on Sexual Purity along with other resources in my library!

The post How to Really Move Past Your Sexual Regret appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Does Angela have the right motivation for choosing celibacy?

By the way, have you done your own study on sexual purity? Get your self-study guide on the best sex (in my resource library)! Get free access today!

Here are 4 really poor reasons for choosing celibacy:

Reason 1: God will reward you with an awesome husband if you are celibate.

When I got married, I was told that I deserved to be married to a wonderful man because I had been faithful to God.  I understood and appreciated the sentiments of my well-wishers.  However, in the back of my mind, I felt that God did not owe me anything.  I was not entitled to a husband. His gift of salvation was already much more than I even deserved.  Any other blessing given to me was “icing on the cake” because of His grace and not an entitlement. 

Similarly, a Christian woman might feel that choosing celibacy is a prerequisite for God to grant her the husband of her dreams.  The truth is that neither you nor I am entitled to particular blessings from God because of celibacy.  

“For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” Matthew 19:12

In God’s wisdom, He may or may not bless you with a husband.  It does not mean that you are being punished or that God loves you less than your married friends.  Regardless of His reasons, His heart toward you will always be good and kind, even when you do not understand.  Therefore, even if you choose celibacy, you may remain single. Ultimately, God wants to draw you closer to Himself and your singleness might be the tool He chooses to use. 

“Anything that makes us need God is a blessing.”  Nancy Leigh DeMoss-Wolgemuth

Additionally, some Christian women who long to be married might actually be happier remaining single!

Reason 2: Choosing celibacy will ensure that you make it into Heaven.

Choosing celibacy is not a ticket to get you into Heaven.  There is only one way to get to Heaven and that is trusting in Jesus Christ to save you from your sins and accepting Him as your personal Lord and Savior.  

When you became a Christian by giving your life to Jesus Christ, then the reason for choosing celibacy is because you’re in a loving relationship with a pure and holy God.  As such, your motivation for being celibate should be out of love.  Choosing celibacy will reflect your new nature and your commitment to live according to God’s original plan for sex in marriage.

While choosing celibacy is a praise-worthy discipline, it cannot get you into Heaven. If you’re not sure where you stand with God, please check out “How to Know God Personally”.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

Reason 3: You will be more valuable than other sexually-experienced single Christian women.

A Christian woman who is a virgin is not more valuable to God than a Christian single woman who has a sexual past.  Both have repented of their sins and are new creatures in the sight of God.  As such, God values both women equally.  Although the sexually experienced single woman may have issues to deal with that the Christian virgin might not have, God is the one who is willing and able to restore.  He’s that gracious.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

Reason 4: Being celibate will make you successful in life.

Choosing celibacy will help you to exercise self-control over your natural sexual desires. As a result, the habit of celibacy can cultivate discipline in other areas of life that will move you toward the achievement of your goals. Without a doubt, celibacy has been gaining momentum because people are seeing the benefits, Christians and non-Christians alike.

While being successful is a benefit of choosing celibacy, it should not be the main motivating factor for you to save sex for marriage.  You have a better, more foundational reason for saving sex for marriage and that is glorifying your Savior.  Since you are in a relationship with God, it follows that your desire is to grow in intimacy with Him.  A commitment to celibacy can help you to focus on God as the main love of your life.

Celibacy versus sexual purity

Celibacy is concerned with abstaining from sexual relations.  With celibacy, a person can refrain from sexual intercourse with their boyfriend or fiancé, but indulge in other sexual acts like oral sex, anal sex, heavy petting, sexting, etc.  Celibacy may boil down to no sexual penetration, but it can be far from sexual purity.  Therefore, let’s say that celibacy is a subset of sexual purity.

On the other hand, sexual purity is commitment to live according to God’s original plan for sex (and everything sex-related) which is to be enjoyed only in marriage.  When you choose sexual purity, you don’t try to figure out how far you can push the boundaries without having sexual intercourse.  With purity, the standard is God Himself and your aim is to be accountable to Him, first and foremost.

Questions to ask yourself…

• Is your motivation focused on self or is it Christ-centered?
• Are you hoping to score points with God or it is motivated out of your love for Him?
• Is it about building your own kingdom or God’s kingdom?
• If you knew that you would never get married, would you still choose to be celibate?

Get your Purity Commitment printable! Just print and sign. (Perhaps, add a selfie.) When you sign an agreement to stay sexually pure, it increases your commitment to follow through to another level.

Related articles:

5 People You Love When You Save Sex for Marriage

How to Stop Having Sex with Your Boyfriend

6 Lies About Sex Before Marriage (and the Truth)

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful 

Summary 

Choosing celibacy is great and there are many benefits to it.  However, I encourage you to go a little further and commit to sexual purity in the power of the Holy Spirit.  

What other faulty motivations do Christians have in choosing celibacy? Please comment below and share with the Petals Bloom community.  Thanks for stopping by! If you haven’t already done so, check out my YouTube channel.

#madeforlove

With love & laughter, 

Kimberly Garth

Get your Self-Study on Sexual Purity in my resource library!

When you complete the form below, you will get access to my entire library filled with digital products created specifically for the single Christian woman. Why delay??!?!

The post 4 Really Poor Reasons for Choosing Celibacy appeared first on Petals Bloom.

What is the big deal about saving sex for marriage?  If God is a god of love, wouldn’t he want me to express love to my boyfriend by having sex with him?  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Since God is love, the most loving decision, regarding sex, is to save sex for marriage. 

Have you ever delved into God’s Word to see what He says about sexual purity? If you have or haven’t, get “The Best Sex -A Self-Study on Sexual Purity” in my resource library.

Here are 5 people you love when you save sex for marriage:

1) Love for your future husband.

According to a survey by the University of Chicago, it was found that “monogamous married couples register the highest levels of sexual satisfaction.” Did you hear that? When the oxytocin hormone is released during love-making, it allows the couple to cleave. However, the bond lessons with each new partner. Additionally, according to the survey, “those who are least satisfied (both physically and emotionally) are those couples who have had multiple partners.” You see… God is not against sex! He wants you to have the best sex possible!

Another survey by the University of Maryland found that “women who save sex for marriage face a considerably lower risk of divorce than those who are sexually active prior to marriage.” Based on those facts, your virginity will be a wonderful gift for your husband on your wedding night. 

Love your boyfriend too!

Additionally, your boyfriend might be someone else’s future husband.  As such, it is extremely loving to also help him to save sex for marriage.  Ladies, love is acting in the best interest of the other person.  

“Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being.” 1 Corinthians 10:24

2) Love for the woman that your boyfriend may eventually marry.

I sincerely thought that I was going to marry my first boyfriend, who I was also engaged to, but it didn’t happen. Until you say ‘I do’, you really cannot know for certain that your boyfriend will be your husband. If you engage in sexual activity as a single woman, you’re not being loving to the woman that your boyfriend might eventually marry.  Unless he gets amnesia, he will remember and compare the sexual experiences he had with you!  

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4

3) Save sex for marriage to show love for yourself.

Some people trivialize sex like if your heart, soul and mind is disconnected from your body.  You’re not a robot!  Having sex with a man involves your entire being.  In a marriage, regular sex is a wise investment that will enrich your marriage.  Outside of marriage, giving yourself to a man sexually will make you a pauper … emotionally and spiritually.   You are too valuable to dispense of your virginity to a man who is ONLY your boyfriend or fiancé.

Even if you never marry, you’ll be very grateful that you restrained yourself.  Once the sexual appetite is opened, it is very challenging to keep it closed.  

Would you like to sign a commitment to God not to have sex (or anymore sex) until your wedding night?  Then get the “Purity Commitment”!  Signing a commitment registers more in your brain than merely agreeing in your mind.  

4) Love for God.  

Saving sex for marriage shows that you love God.  In John 14:15, He says, “if you love me, you will keep my commandments.”  The entire Bible shows us God’s original intention regarding sex (that is, for marriage) and His boundaries are to protect the beauty and sacredness of sex.   

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20 

5) Love for the single woman who sees you as her role model.

Younger Christian women are looking at your life.  She might be your younger sister, cousin, friend, or a young woman in your church.  It is very crushing for a young person to read one thing in the Bible and then see mature Christians around her do the exact opposite.  Therefore, saving sex for marriage shows others that it is possible to be sexually pure with the help of the Holy Spirit.

“For you, brothers, were called to freedom; but do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh. Rather, serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13

Have you had sex already or have been sexually abused?

Some single women reading this might feel crushed and hopeless because they have been raped, touched inappropriately or had willingly had sex in the past.  The enemy of your soul has set a plan of attack against you to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).  However, Jesus entered your story to save you and to redeem your life.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

Don’t let the enemy use your past to keep you hidden and ashamed.  Rather, allow God to use your story to propel you forward and to help others know that Jesus saves, heals and delivers.  Undoubtedly, you are not less than anyone else because everyone sins.  

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.”  Romans 8:1-2 

Isn’t that terrific news!?!

While you cannot undo your past, Jesus is a loving Savior who is willing to restore you.  You can have a new start and choose sexual purity from now on.  If you’ve gone off track, don’t delay.  Just get back in the right lane.  Even if you were to sin sexually again, get back up and rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to sustain you. 

Disclaimer : This site utilizes affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission at no extra charge to you.

“Purity is a commitment to live according to God’s original design.” Josh Mc Dowell (The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex)

Related Articles:

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful 

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity 

6 Lies About Sex Before Marriage (and the Truth)

How to Stop Having Sex with Your Boyfriend

Summary

Sure, you can have sex with your boyfriend because you have free choice, but know that it is not loving… at all!  

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

That my friends, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is our measuring stick.  How does pre-marital sex measure up against God’s standard of love?  

So ladies, if you want to be loving to those five people, save sex for marriage.  If you want to experience the best sex, wait for marriage.  Please don’t listen to people who will encourage you to have sex before marriage.  They either do not have the Holy Spirit in them or they are Christians who are not walking by the Spirit.  Those people will lead you astray.

Which other people are impacted when we save sex for marriage?  Please feel free to comment below! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get “The Best Sex – A Self-Study on Sexual Purity”!

When you complete the form below, you will get the password to access my full resource library.  

Recommended books:

The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex by Josh McDowell and Erin Davis.

The Art of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye

Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

Sex and the Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret by Paula Rhinehart

And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

The post 5 People You Love When You Save Sex for Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Simone and Harry have differing views about sex before marriage.  Harry believes that sex should be reserved for marriage.  On the other hand, Simone has been involved sexually with several former boyfriends before coming to Christ.  To her, she’s wondering if the Biblical standard is still relevant in today’s progressive society.  Adding to her confusion is the fact that some of her single Christian friends are having sex.

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Ephesians 5:3

In the past, it was clear to the average follower of Jesus that sex should be reserved for marriage.  However, doubts are beginning to rise among Christians, young and old alike.  The truth is being overshadowed by lies as you are being perpetually bombarded by the media which glorifies premarital sex and persuasive influencers who purport contrary standards.

Sex is absolutely beautiful and the best sex can only be experienced when you follow the instruction manual of its maker … God.  Just read the Song of Songs and see how marvellous and important sex is!

Here are 6 ridiculous lies about sex before marriage and the truth that counteracts them:

#1: Everybody’s doing it.

The Truth: There are many single women (and men) who still embrace sexual purity today.

Some are too shy to admit it (unfortunately), but they are there.  Before I got married, I unapologetically cherished my virginity.  No human being could have made me feel ashamed about it.  My husband was also a virgin too!  

Furthermore, there are a growing number of single women who have committed themselves to refrain sexually even though they have had sex in the past.  I salute them!  Clearly, not all of us have caved into the pressures of society.  It actually takes more guts to not give into sexual pressure than it does to follow your flesh and peer pressure.  

I don’t know why some people think we should behave like dogs in heat?!?  Ladies, we are made a little lower than the angels, crowned with glory and honor (Psalm 8:5).  Let us act accordingly to our nature of royalty.

#2: I’ll remain single if I don’t give in.

The Truth: Giving your body prematurely is no guarantee that you’ll get married sooner than a woman who is a virgin. 

It just doesn’t work that way.  Virgins get married and sexually-experienced women get married alike.  If any man is pressuring you for sex, he’s either not a Christian or a carnal one.  You don’t want to be with either of them! 

Perhaps, if you remain single all your remaining days, you’ll actually be in a better position if you have had no sexual experiences.  Once the sexual appetite has been opened, it’s very difficult to keep it closed (but not impossible).  His grace and power enables all of us to be holy despite our experiences. 

#3: I’m missing out on pleasure.

The Truth: You’ll have a lot more pleasure if you save sex for after marriage!

God created sex and everything He created is good.  Sex is no exception.  But anything used outside it’s intended use becomes an abuse and abuse is never pretty.  If you save sex for marriage, you’ll experience pleasure with your husband without sharing your marriage bed with “Joe” and “Peter” (former lovers).  

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4

#4: It will show if my boyfriend and I are compatible. 

The Truth: Having sex with your boyfriend is not a reliable test for compatibility.  

A man could have an amazing sexual experience with a prostitute, but he probably would not think that it was a match made in heaven!  For those who want to compare you with a car, you are not a car and you do not need a test run.  Undoubtedly, anybody could have sex, but not everyone has what it takes to build a lasting healthy marriage.

A good foundation for a Christian marriage is faith in Jesus Christ and a commitment to follow Him wholeheartedly.  Great sex before marriage does not make that list.  

Essentially, a Christian marriage should reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.  You cannot experience true intimacy with Christ before being saved.  Similarly, a man cannot experience true and full intimacy with you, without lawfully making you his wife.  Don’t short change yourself.  Ignore those who tell you otherwise!

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; …” Psalm 1:1

#5: It will produce intimacy between my boyfriend and me.

The Truth: Sex does not produce lasting intimacy between a couple.

The hormone “oxytocin” (cuddle hormone) is released in the woman and she wants to bond.  On the other hand, the main hormone released in a man is “dopamine” (pleasure hormone) and he wants more sex.  Also, according to Dr. Patricia Love in “The Truth About Love”, the chemical cocktail that produces the feeling of intimacy during sex lasts only 24 hours!  Therefore, verbal and emotional communication will do a much better job of building lasting intimacy with you and your boyfriend than sex.

#6: It is impossible to remain a virgin the older you get.  

The Truth:  Regardless of your age, sexual morality is the call for every true follower of Jesus Christ.

As a Christian, you live by God’s standards and not by the world’s.  You seek to obey and please Christ first and foremost.  What might be impossible to an unbeliever is possible for you because you have the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God working in and through you.  Furthermore, you have self-control which is a part of the fruit of the Spirit.

Society might pressure single Christians to conform, but little is shared about the negative consequences of choosing to go against God’s wisdom.  As the saying goes, “misery likes company.”  Even if a person has no sign of misery, they will never experience God’s best for sex if they choose to go against the author’s original design of HIS creation.  Without a doubt, sex is not man-made.

Here are some reasons why God wisely designed sex for AFTER marriage:

• To provide you with the best sexual experience possible;
• To reflect the intimacy between Christ and the Church;
• For a husband and wife to experience true oneness and sexual fulfillment with each other;
• To prevent soul ties with men that you should not be with (an unbeliever or a man you should not marry); 
• To have no or little sexual pressures if you were to remain single;
• For children to be born in the stability of a marriage;
• To filter out flesh-controlled men from Spirit-filled men;
• To protect single women (and single men) from guilt; sexually transmitted diseases; untimely pregnancies; feelings of unworthiness; weighty burdens of single parenting; low self-esteem; and the like.

Summary

Sex within marriage is absolutely beautiful, exciting and pleasurable. Outside of marriage, it is still pleasurable but only in the moment.  If you never have sex, would that be the absolute worst thing that could happen to you in this very short life?  

Ladies, let’s value experiencing God beyond pleasing our flesh.  He’s better at satisfying us than anyone else on this earth and certainly better than sex before marriage!

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18

The enemy of our souls tries to pollute sex in every possible way through pornography, masturbation; cyber sex; sexting; orgies; fornication; adultery and the list goes on.  As a result, many people will never experience the full beauty of sex in the way God originally intended. 

As Christian women, let us reclaim the beauty of sex and our amazing sexuality by resisting prevailing lies and replace them with the truth of God’s character and His unchanging Word.

To recap, here are 6 ridiculous lies about sex before marriage:

• #1: Everybody’s doing it.
• #2: I’ll remain single if I don’t give in.
• #3: I’m missing out on pleasure.
• #4: It will show if my boyfriend and I are compatible. 
• #5: It will produce intimacy between my boyfriend and me.
• #6: It is impossible to remain a virgin the older you get.  

What other lies have been perpetuated by society related to sex before marriage?  How has it impacted your views of sex?  Comment below!  Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

The post 6 Lies About Sex Before Marriage (and the Truth) appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You’re in a relationship with “Charlie” and you are intensely attracted to each other. As you spend time together, you want to get close… physically and sexually close. When you sit together, not even a sand fly can pass through.  You want to touch, kiss and even indulge a little more. But how far is too far?

Here is a list of actions that couples might engage in prior to marriage:

• Holding hands 
• Hugging (slight hug to tight embrace)
• Petting
• Kissing (peck on the cheeks to ‘tongue’ kissing)
• Sexting
• Touching breasts and other sexual organs
• Oral sex
• Anything else of which you can think …

I too have asked this question when I entered a relationship.  How far can we go before we step outside God’s established boundaries for singles?

The answer to this question comes from examining who God is (His character, nature and person) as revealed in the Bible and His biblical principles.

However, a better question is “how can you honor God in your relationship?”  Also, it is important to note that all of us are different in terms of our responses to physical touch. As a result, you need to answer the questions based on who you are and who he is.

Here are six revealing questions to ask “how far is too far?” in a romantic relationship:

1) Are you being loving?

God is love.  As a follower of Jesus, love should guide all of our decisions with our fiancé or boyfriend.  Simply put, love is acting in the best interest of the other person.  

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 speaks of sexual immorality and says,  that ”no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter.“ (Defrauding means causing someone to step outside God’s established boundaries.) 

One of God’s boundaries is that sex should be experienced within marriage.  If you actively arouse him and you cannot honorably fulfill him as a single Christian woman, then you’re not acting lovingly toward him. You’re not honoring God either.

Are you behaving in his best interest?  Would it be better if you had refrained from that particular act? 

‘You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”’ Galatians 5:13-14 NIV

Suppose you and your fiancé were to break up … 

• Would you be at peace knowing that you shared certain intimate acts with him?
• What would your future husband want you to do with another man? (Hint: nothing!)
• What would you want your own future husband to do with another woman?
• Have you considered how your present actions might impact his future wife?

2) Is it pure?

Can the particular act qualify as pure?  In Josh McDowell’s “The Bare Facts: 39 Thought Provoking Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex” , he describes purity as “to live according to original design.”  God’s original design for sex (including foreplay) is for oneness between a husband and a wife. 

God wants you to embrace his original design for sex and everything related to it.  As a daughter of God, you want to keep yourself pure. 

Check God’s Word; learn about His nature and character; and decide for yourself. God is pure and holy and as such, you also need to relate to the man you love in a similar way. 

3) Is your body being prepared for sex?

How does your body feel when you engage in certain acts?  What are the changes taking place?  Are your genitals being prepared for the penetration by a man?  If you cannot go further, why are you intentionally turning yourself on (and the man you love)?

Two sex therapists, Masters and Johnson, coined the term “sexual-response cycle” to describe all aspects of sexual activity.  There are four phases, namely, excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution.  According to Masters and Johnson, there’s no recognizable beginning and end, but the entire sexual response process is continuous. 

4) Do you feel God’s peace?

If you feel guilty after a particular act, then it’s a warning sign that you shouldn’t indulge in that action.  To be stricken with guilt is not worth any amount of pleasure.  To others around you, it may seem trivial, but to you, it is significant. 

Also, would you feel ashamed if others were to find out that you were engaged in [fill in physical/sexual act]?

“The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” Romans 14:22-23 ESV

5) Will your actions cause a younger Christian to stumble?

Could you safely say to a younger believer “do as I do”, knowing that she will be blessed by God if she follows you. Others are looking at you and in particular, a younger woman is taking her cue from you.  As such, she’s looking to see what she should and shouldn’t do from your example. 

Instead of surrendering to your own desires, hold a high standard of sexual purity so that other young women can see that it is possible and desirable.  Even if you have blown it in the past, from now on, you can be a shining example for others to follow.

“Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble.” Romans 14:20-21 ESV

6) Will your actions cause unbelievers to blaspheme God?

As a follower of Jesus Christ, you do not exist for yourself.  God has allowed you to remain on this earth to be a blessing to this fallen world.  Therefore, you need to intentionally use your words, actions and lifestyle to impact others for Him.

Freedom in Christ is not a license to live carelessly and selfishly.  

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Galatians 5:13 ESV

Summary 

Physical touch is an important love language that we all need. The extent of that expression between you and him will depend on your answers to the above questions. Each person is different so you need to decide for yourself what you will and will not do.

As we were ushered into the age of sexual freedom, sexual foreplay was separated from sexual intercourse to our deception and detriment.  As a consequence, Christians indulge in more foreplay now before marriage than in the past.  When you hear Christians say that “it just happened,” they have convinced themselves that sex was not involved while they were engaging in foreplay.

I’ve often observed that, for the most part, the woman is the one who sets the boundaries.  Most men, even Christian men will go as far as the women would allow. It’s a sad reality, but nevertheless a true state of affairs.  Therefore, you need to guard yourself and the man who has captured your heart. Although you have freedom in Christ, you need to behave responsibly and lovingly toward him and yourself.

To recap, here are six revealing questions to ask “how far is too far:

1. Are you being loving?
2. Is it pure?
3. Is your body being prepared for sex?
4. Do you feel God’s peace?
5. Will your actions cause a younger Christian to stumble?
6. Will your actions cause unbelievers to blaspheme God?

What are your views on “how far is too far”?  I would love to hear them, so please comment below.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

5 Rare Qualities Mature Christian Men Want

Recommended Books:

“The Bare Facts: 39 Thought Provoking Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex” by Josh McDowell

“Sex and The Soul of a Woman: How God Restores the Beauty of Relationship from the Pain of Regret” by Paula Rinehart 

The post How Far is Too Far? 6 Revealing Questions to Ask Yourself appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Help! It’s controlling me!

You keep getting drawn back into that habit. You tell God that you’ll never do it again. But that promise is short-lived. Can you beat porn addiction?

You’re ashamed of your behavior, but you can’t seem to stop it. After each episode, you end up feeling disgusted because you gave in yet another time. You plead for God’s forgiveness, but within days (or hours), you’ve entered the cycle of pleasure-guilt-shame-confessing your sin. You go back again and again.

Are you now plagued for life by this uncontrollable habit?

It’s affecting your ability to concentrate; your relationships; your motivation to work and study; and even your desire for marriage is beginning to wane. Spending time with God is becoming joyless. Why would God even want to hear from you in this sinful state? You’re just fed-up of disappointing God.

“I’ve put an end to it but these images keep haunting me.“

Or perhaps, you’ve successful stopped looking at all pornographic stimuli (videos, books, movies, social media, etc). You’ve kicked that habit but sexually impure thoughts and fantasies keep invading your mind. Instead of looking at porn, you’re creating porn in your mind. You wonder, ‘will this battle ever end? Is it possible to beat porn addiction forever?’

God wants the best for us.

We live in a world that makes light of these issues. To adopt the world’s laissez-faire attitude about sex and sex-related matters, will only lead us into bondage and unhappiness. However, for every growing Christian, our standard is holiness and purity in our body as well as in our minds. 1 Peter 1:16 says, ‘For it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.’

God can help you to fully beat porn addiction and every other form of sexual addiction, whether it is hardcore porn, soft porn, sexually impure thoughts, masturbation or anything that contradicts God’s character of holiness. As a matter of fact, He’s the one who has placed the desire in you to beat porn addiction. Not only has he placed in you the desire for holiness, His power is also available to you.

“For it is God who works in you to WILL and to ACT according to his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13

In order to beat porn addiction and other sexual addictions, you need a multi-prong approach. It should involve spiritual, social, mental, emotional and physical dimensions.

Here are 10 practical tips to help you to beat porn addiction and other sexual addictions:

1) Admit that you have a problem.

This might be the hardest step, but it is very crucial. Before, you can get any help, you first have to confess that you have a problem. Denying or making excuses will leave you in bondage.  Also, it is tempting to compare ourselves with others, but that is always unhelpful when it comes to life change. Our standard is God and no other human being.

I was a virgin when I married and my first kiss was at the altar after we were pronounced husband and wife. Did I consider myself sexually pure? No way!

Your excuses may sound like these:

• “It’s not so bad.”
• “Everyone is doing it.”
• “It’ll show me what to do when I get married.”
• “I’m not harming anyone.”
• “It’s better than not having actual sex.”
• “I will not get pregnant.”
• “Since I’m not married, it’s okay to meet my sexual needs in this way.”
• “Who’s going to know about it?”
• “This is the absolute last time.”
• “It’s not a sin.”

“People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

2) Be real with God.

Many times in life, we are aware of our problem, but it’s simply sweeter to continue in our sin. Sexual addiction is so enticing. Intellectually, we know that we need help, but we’re just not ready to be obedient to God. God is well acquainted with our struggles and as such, it’s just better to be honest with Him. One of my mentors taught me the importance of just telling God where we are at and asking for His help.

It’s a simple prayer: ‘Lord, I’m not willing, but help me to be willing.’

I would also recommend praying daily for God’s strength to resist all forms of sexual temptations and ask Him to fill your needs. With the Almighty’s help, you can beat porn addiction.

3) Rely on the power of the Holy Spirit.

You can promise to God that you’ll never to it again a thousand times more, but you will end up doing it again and again. The truth is that you need the power of God’s Holy Spirit who is in the life of every true believer. Religion cannot help anyone in truly overcoming sexual impurity.

‘“Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!” (which all refer to things destined to perish with use) – in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? There are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.” Colossians 2: 21-23

Your will power is insufficient for a complete deliverance. When I finally gave up trying to overcome in my own strength, I began to confess to God that I needed the empowerment of His Holy Spirit to overcome. Ladies, that made a world of difference in overcoming sexual impurity.

4) Know your identity in Christ.

For some strange reason, I falsely believed that the enemy had power over me in this area. Then, God revealed the truth about my identity in Christ after reading Neil Anderson’s ‘Victory Over the Darkness’. It was like a wall of deceit came crumbling down over my life. I had gotten a lot of victory previously, but understanding who I am in Christ, completely broke the remaining lies that continued to keep me in bondage.

“Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.” John 17:17

“But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, [18] and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.” Romans 6:17-18

5) Renew your mind by memorizing and meditating on the Word of God.

The Word of God is of utmost importance in your fight to overcome any form of sexual addiction. Praying your own words is good, but praying the Word of God is infinitely better. In Ephesians 6:20, it is written that the sword of the Spirit is the Word of God.

“Your Word have I treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You.” Psalm 119:11

About twelve years ago, I started memorizing Scriptures more diligently. This habit has changed my life in so many ways. It has increased my faith; fueled my prayers; strengthened my convictions; and deepened my love for God.

In order to overcome your sexual addictive habits (or any other undesirable habit), you need to form new habits. Why not make scripture memorization and meditation one of them? You will not regret it. Allow God’s Word to go from your head to deep in your heart where it will transform your entire being. When the desire to engage in sexual activity comes, you can train yourself to bounce those thoughts and replace with God’s Word.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

6) Disclose to a trusted friend.

As long as your habit continues in secrecy, you will probably remain in bondage. For some people, an accountability friend is the missing link in their deliverance from sexual addiction.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16

It is certainly a frightening step, but a necessary one. Ask God to show you the person with whom you can openly share your struggle. Also, I would recommend choosing a fellow Christian sister.

You want someone who will be:

• Confidential.
• Pray for you.
• Encourage you to be like Christ.
• Make time to keep you accountable.
• Be firm when needed.
• Celebrate with you when you make progress.
• Ask you the hard questions when you meet.

“Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

7) Be radical.

How badly do you want this freedom? If you’re absolutely sick and tired with being a slave to your sexual addictive habit, you will need to be radical and run from anything or anyone that opposes your deliverance.

“If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:29-30

Here are some options that you might want to consider:

• Take a break from social media if it triggers your appetite.
• Block friends (in real life or social media) who post or encourage you to engage in any form of porn.
• Install anti-porn software on your devices.
• Place a block on porn sites.
• Position your mobile device or computer so that others can see what you are viewing.
• Destroy any material with sexually explicit content.

“Do not enter the path of the wicked and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; turn away from it and pass on.” Proverbs 4:14-15

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23

8) Fill your life with meaningful relationships, purposeful work and physical exercise.

God

The most important relationship is your relationship with God. Instead of running from God, run to Him instead. It doesn’t matter how awful your sin is, He loves you unconditionally and wants to set you free.

Friendships and community

In a person’s search for intimacy, they seek out porn. It’s simply a very poor substitute for real human relationships. Joining a physical community and becoming actively involved will be worth your time and effort. You need deep relationships where you can be known, accepted and loved. Of course, you need to do the same for others for the relationships to be healthy.

Serving others

Volunteer your time and skills to serving others. It will add significance to your life and kill boredom.

Physical exercise

Exercise helps to reduce stress levels and it can also be an avenue for making friends. Join an exercise group or a dance class. Get that blood pumping!

9) Understand the triggers and make a plan to deal with them.

You need to understand yourself. What external and internal triggers your habit? What are the root causes? Keeping a journal may help you to record your thoughts, actions and progress. Check out ‘10 Easy Tips to Start Journaling Today’.

Here are the most common triggers:

• Boredom
• Sexy images on social media
• Stress
• Oversleeping (this was mine!)
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Tiredness
• Loneliness
• Anger
• Hunger
• Emotional wounds
• Escape from reality
• Sadness
• Fear
• Abuse

What are the entry points in your life?

Check out ‘Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life’.

When do you engage in the habit?

• You’re home alone.
• You stay up late.
• Before you go to bed.
• During lunch time at work.

How often do you view porn?

• Hourly
• Weekly
• Monthly
• Once in a while

Now that you understand yourself a little better, you need to take preventative measures.

Examples:

• If it usually happens on a Saturday when you’re free, you may schedule activities like exercising; learning a new skill; going out with friends; or visiting an orphanage.
• If you’re working on a highly-stressful project and you use porn as a coping mechanism on Friday evenings, maybe you can plan to spend time with friends and family on Friday evenings at the beginning of the week.

10) Be patient and celebrate your growth.

A person can be set free immediately, but I suspect that for most of us, it will take months and even years. The results may not come quickly enough for you, so you need to be patient with yourself. The good news is that you will eventually see light at the end of this dark destruction tunnel.

Your total freedom will come in bits and portions. It is quite normal to experience relapses, but you will notice that the relapses will occur less frequently as your brain forms stronger neural pathways to new healthier habits and weaken the pathways to the former destructive habits.

“If the porn habits are not reinforced, they will eventually disappear. Your brain can create new pathways for a new and healthy habit.” www.fightthenewdrug.org

Learn to celebrate your progress. God is at work in your life, even when you are clueless.

In summary…

Anything that controls us as Christian women, apart from the Holy Spirit, is never good news.

Freedom is sweet and is worth the effort! You can experience total freedom from anything that enslaves you.

You can beat porn addiction as you implement some of the above tips, namely, admitting that you have a problem; being real with God; relying on the power of the Holy Spirit; knowing your identity in Christ; renewing your mind by memorizing and meditating on the Word of God; disclosing your problem to a trusted friend; taking radical steps; filling your life with meaningful relationships, purposeful work and physical activity; understanding the triggers and making a plan to deal with them; and finally, being patient and celebrating your growth.

Need further help?

If you’re still not experiencing any progress over time, you may need to see a therapist who specializes in this area.

I’d love to hear your own views on the matter. What tips would you give to someone who is struggling with porn addiction or any other sexual addictions? Comment below so that other women could be helped as well. Subscribe and you will receive your free printable ‘12 Powerful Scripture Passages to Help Break Addiction’ that you can memorize. You’ll also receive weekly emails to help you develop your relationship with God and with others. Thanks for stopping by!

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Related article:

Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your life

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended books:

‘Victory Over the Darkness: Realize the Power of Your Identity in Christ’ by Neil Anderson

‘The Bondage Breaker: Overcoming Negative Thoughts, Irrational Feelings and Habitual Sins’ by Neil Anderson

‘The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About’ by Josh Mc Dowell

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The post How to Beat Porn Addiction and Other Sexual Addictions | 10 Practical Tips appeared first on Petals Bloom.

It slowly takes over…

Those first feelings were new to you, but your body felt so great. But after those sensations, you were left with emotions of guilt and shame. Yet, you couldn’t shake the images or the feelings in your body, so you went back for more.

It has begun to overtake you. After each episode, you confess your sins to God. You tell God, ‘I will never do it again.’ However, your repentant phase is short-lived. You eagerly anticipate when you can be alone again to get another high. You are becoming addicted to porn.

Before you know it, you find yourself wanting more, seeking more, and your tastes are changing. Your appetite is growing for more daring, more racier scenes. You are shamed, and scared of the kind of content you now consume.

No one knows…but you and God.

Anyway, it’s not like you’re having real sex. You’re safe. You cannot get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD). You’re not doing anyone harm. It’s just you and your thoughts.

Somehow, that doesn’t make you feel any better about this ‘cancer’ that has now invaded your entire life.

Sometimes, you wonder if you’re even a Christian. Do Christian women struggle with porn? You’ve heard that men have porn addictions but you rarely hear about women confessing addiction to porn. How can this be happening to you?

You’re not alone.

Countless Christian women struggle with porn addiction. Many of them are breaking the silence in the hopes of helping other women become free.

In my pre-teens, I was exposed to pornographic images when we got new neighbors. They had a son who was probably in his late teens or early twenties who showed us magazines. From then on, my struggle began! It was on and off, but it caused guilt and shame. I was like on a never-ending cycle of defeat. Or so I thought. Check out next week’s article on how I overcame once and for all! You can too!

Startling statistics

In 2018, the largest porn site reported over 28,500,000,000 site visits. Something has gone horribly wrong. Porn addiction is not only a man’s problem. Both men and women are sexual beings and as such, sexually graphic images can be a hook for women as well. 18% of young women view porn at least once a week. Some of whom are Christian young women.

Four main reasons why porn has grown astronomically in recent years:

1) The internet has made pornography easily accessible to anyone with a smartphone, tablet, or computer. That’s just about everyone except babies. Even young children have tablets these days.

2) Videos have the power to stamp an image on our minds forever and create strong neural pathways. With the constant and abundant supply of porn videos available, a person can literally consume videos for 24-hours non-stop with no repeats. Anyone can create a video with very little skill, effort or financial cost.

3) Free, free and free. A person doesn’t have to pay to view porn videos. Whether a person has money or no money, they can have access.

4) It is more secretive than in the past. With the advent of smartphones, a person can have the pleasure of watching anything secretly. Anyone can easily maneuver parental controls, delete browser history, and delete search engine entries to keep the secret for as long as possible.

How porn can enter your life

Let us not be deceived. Porn can weave its ugly head into our lives in many ways. Below, I have listed the most popular entrances of porn into our lives:

• Magazines
• Apps
• Video games
• Books
• Our own thoughts…can’t leave this one out.
• Sex talk
• Engaging in porn acts or behavior
• Art
• Committing pornography by wearing revealing clothing or no clothing (yes…in public!)
• Cybersex
• Webcam sex
• Sexting
• Photographs

It is believed by some people, even Christians, that porn is harmless and it is simply allowing humans to understand and embrace our sexuality. To them, it is nothing more than sex education.

I totally disagree. This form of sex education is actually destroying the beauty and sacredness of sex. Research is showing that an alarming number of young men and young women cannot perform sexually to a real life partner. When I was doing this research, I literally felt like crying because of the damages that porn addiction is wreaking on the lives of women and men alike.

“You have heard it said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Jesus (Matthew 5:27-28)

Your engagement with porn could have started out of curiosity, by accident, sexual abuse, loneliness, feelings of despair or boredom. But I encourage you to deal with it, before it destroys your life.

Here are ten ways that porn can destroy your life:

1) It can cause self-hatred.

When you engage with porn (view or act it out), the session may give you a temporary high. After the high, your feelings about yourself worsens as time goes by. You begin to question your love and devotion to God. You begin to feel like a hypocrite. In porn videos, both men and women (especially women) are viewed as sex objects.

You turn your hatred toward men; you hate being a woman; and you hate being feminine. When you compare yourself with the women in the content, you will tend to become less satisfied with your own physical appearance. Furthermore, you may be tempted to dress seductively and to act out sexually. You’ll feel like you’re two different persons and that sort of double life can ultimately lead to feeling depressed.

Another startling consequence could be seeing other women as sex objects even though you personally have no interest in them. When another woman is being friendly toward you, you cannot help but think that she’s flirting with you. Sadly, porn objectifies women (and men).

2) It can rob you of your life’s purpose.

Addiction steals your time. You can’t get enough of it. Hours upon hours can be spent reading a steaming novel; watching sexually explicit movies; or going from video to video. Time is the most precious resource that we have because once it is gone, it is forever gone.

You may even find that your interest in your career or studies or your dreams begin to waiver as porn takes greater preoccupation in your thoughts. You stop enjoying things that you used to enjoy. What do you gain? You’ll gain a temporary pleasure, but a whole heap of guilt and the sabotage of your dreams.

Of course, God can change our lives and use our testimonies for His glory and for our good. But that occurs if we repent which means a 180 degree turn around. If you don’t, you would have become your own greatest enemy. Recent history is filled with great Christian men and women who didn’t end well because of sexual impropriety. Please don’t let that be your story.

3) It can ruin your reputation.

Have you ever seen one of your Christian friends (or relative) on Facebook accidentally post a porn video? That’s very embarrassing. It might have been purely an accident but it might also give an indication of their viewing habits. The internet has cookies that track our site visits. I’ll be looking at a site unconnected to Amazon.com and the next thing I know, I see a pop-up ad showing the exact dress on Amazon that I was looking at!

One day several years ago, I was talking with a Christian young man. Based on the conversation, he decided to show me a photo on his phone. What he didn’t expect to show me was a nude photo of a woman’s private part. He was utterly ashamed. The glaring truth is that if you don’t get sexual addiction under control, it will ruin your reputation. If you don’t deal with it, everyone will eventually find out without your consent.

4) It can create an incorrect reliance on porn as a coping mechanism.

When you’re stressed and anxious, you go to porn to get your mind off your problems. You train your brain to believe that only porn can help you with anxiety. Porn is a temporary distraction. It can NEVER help you. As a matter of fact, porn will only add to your stress.

You need the help of someone who is actually powerful enough to cause a change in the situation. That person is no one other than God. He said, ‘cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you’ in 1 Peter 5:7.

5) It can hinder a healthy relationship with a real guy.

When porn has a stronghold on you, you will struggle to connect romantically with a real guy. Porn portrays unhealthy relationships in every form. You may have feelings of distrust toward him. Will he want to dominate you? Will he be unfaithful to you?

However, porn also glorifies male dominance, sexual aggression, violence, and infidelity. If you begin to accept this as normal (although common sense tells you differently), you may find yourself more attracted to aggressive hostile abusive men because your value system has become corrupted. Porn will negatively affect your attitude toward men and your relationships with them. It is a disturbing trend that many young women interpret violence toward them, by men, as love.

6) It will harm your fellowship with God.

After a while, you’re wary of your own up-and-down relationship with God. You’re fed up of constantly feeling guilty all the time. The lie that God doesn’t want to have anything to do with you seeps into your mindset. Your fellowship with God grows more and more distant. The truth is God is committed to you and wants to set you free completely.

7) It will damage your future sex life with your husband.

No man will be able to match up to a fantasy. Remember, porn is not the real world. It is fantasy. Women addicted to porn may find that their husbands cannot satisfy them sexually which may lead to no sex, not enough sex, or less than satisfying sex.

Imagine that … sexual explicit videos and images can destroy real physical sex with a human being that you love and who loves you! Women may find that they cannot get aroused by anything but porn which is a sad and growing reality. Porn trains our brains to believe that only porn can arouse us. The women can also think that their husbands view them as sex objects like in any porn content. I’ve heard that sexting gives a different high than actual sex. For those of you who think that marriage will solve your porn problem, it just might not.

If you train yourself to have a quick sexual fix without the emotional attachment, your intimacy with your husband will suffer severely. Sex is like a dance of intimacy and passion between a husband and a wife. It makes more than sex to build a close relationship with your husband and porn doesn’t teach you that. We are more than sexual beings so let’s not short change ourselves for a quick fix.

8) It can hinder true intimacy with your future spouse.

You will likely unreasonably compare him with the gorgeous guys in pornographic material. No one can compete with a fantasy. You’ll be less satisfied with the physical appearance of your spouse and even less confident about your own appearance. Depending on what you view and what you grow to love, you’ll be less content if your real life does not involves certain types of acts that are immoral or unethical.

If you don’t deal with this ‘cancer’ before you get married, what will happen when your husband realizes that you’re consuming porn? You might expect feelings of rejection, jealousy, anger, shame, betrayal, and distrust. It’s only natural for a spouse to have such feelings. Hopefully, he’ll also respond with grace and forgiveness after he gets over the revelation.

9) You can delve into sexual perversion.

Never underestimate the power of sin and where it can take us. If porn is left unchecked and allowed to control you, you may eventually end up with a lifestyle you never thought possible. Many persons never set out to commit adultery; have multiple partners; arrange anonymous hookups; engage in sexual relations with the same sex; become a pedophile; engage in beastiality; or have incestal relations with family members. But porn desensitizes you. You might be saying now, ‘I’ll never do that.’ If you keep up with a porn habit, you’ll be slowly introduced to all variations of hardcore porn.

“Once consumers start viewing extreme and dangerous sex acts, things that they thought were disgusting or degrading can start to seem normal, acceptable, and more common than they really are. One study found that people exposed to significant amounts of porn thought things like sex with animals and violent sex were twice as common as what those not exposed to porn thought. And when people believe a behavior is normal, they’re more likely to try it.” Source: www.fightthenewdrug.org

10) You can stay stuck in a bad relationship.

Due to your self-hate, you may erroneously think that you’re undeserving of a good man. As such, you decide to stay in an unhealthy relationship monthly after month, year after year.   This relationship might also be characterized by sexual abuse.

Final Thoughts

Sometimes, we have to clearly see what we don’t want before we decide to intentionally pursue what we do want. We need to reject self-hatred; the sabotage of our life’s purpose; the ruin of our reputation; incorrect reliance on porn as a coping mechanism; unhealthy romantic relationships; harm to our relationship with God; damage to our future sex life; destruction of our future marriage; sexual perversion; and bondage to a bad relationship.

God wants the best for you. He doesn’t want to see us guilt-ridden, ashamed, defeated, obsessed, and destroying our lives. He wants to be totally free from all obsessions and be filled with unspeakable joy. I’ve experienced freedom and you can too. Check out next week’s post on how to overcome any form of sexual addiction.

What other detrimental effects of porn have you discovered through experience or observation? Please comment below. If you want to communicate with me directly, click subscribe. I’ll send you weekly email tips to encourage you in developing your relationship with God and others. You’ll also receive a free ‘Know Yourself’ Questionnaire.

Related articles:

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity

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With love,

Kimberly

Resources:

Surfing for God by Michael Cusick

Websites – www.puredesire.org and www.faithfulandtrue.com

The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn

Every Young Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn

Covenant Eyes

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life appeared first on Petals Bloom.