How to Really Move Past Your Sexual Regret

In our sex-saturated culture, sexual regret among women is very common.  You are not alone. 

They may include the following:

• Losing your virginity to the wrong man;
• Allowing a relationship to become sexual too fast;
• Having casual sex or engaging in sexual activities with strangers or friends (“friends with benefits”)
• Becoming sexually active with a man who broke his commitment;
• Being unfaithful to a former boyfriend/fiancé;
• Having sexual relationships with too many men;
• Engaging in masturbation and pornography;

When you hear talks about sexual purity, you feel a sense of shame.  You either want to attack or hide.  Both reactions can prevent you from seeing God’s perspective; block your ability to make corrective changes in your life; or even limit your ministry to others.  

Get your self-study on sexual purity in my resource library!

Your past sexual regrets do not have to plague you for the rest of your life. Jesus Christ has paid the price (a very high price) for your freedom.  

Here are 6 tips to really move past your sexual regret:

1) Forgive yourself.

You know that God has already forgiven you, but you feel that you are not worthy of God’s love and forgiveness.  Let me tell you straight.  That is not humility.  It is the age-old pride masking itself as humility.  True humility aligns itself with the Word of God.  If God has forgiven you, then you can forgive yourself.  God wants you to be completely free from guilt and shame so that He can glorify Himself through you and even use your past! 

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 

2) Resist the real enemy.

Know who your real enemy is.  It is not you, or Christians who encourage sexual purity or the men (or man) you have been with.  Constantly punishing yourself, perpetuating negative self-talk, and avoiding Christian community is exactly what the enemy of your soul wants.  He wants to keep you isolated with lies and in bondage to your past.

Instead, you need to resist the enemy by wielding the truth of God’s Word against lies and seeking to obey Him.  When Jesus was being tempted by the enemy in the desert, He spoke the written Word of God.  You can do that too!

‘And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone.’”’ Luke 4:4

3) Be patient with your process.

At times, you are making progress and then one memory, one event, or one trigger can send you two steps backward.  You may either revert to sexual sin or you may just feel like a lousy defeated Christian. At those times, remember the progress that you have made and that God is with you. 

Your sanctification is a life-long process and God started it the very second you gave your life to Jesus Christ.  Through God’s Holy Spirit and His Word, you are slowly (but surely) becoming what He has already declared to be true of you.  To help you in your journey, get your self-study on sexual purity.

“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9

4) Embrace your identity in Christ and your value.

Knowing your identity in Christ will do two things. Firstly, you will know that your value is not based on your sexiness, your ability to fulfil the sexual needs of a man or being a sexual goddess. You are a beloved daughter of the King.  God gives you your value and not your body, a man or your sexual appetite.  Secondly, your identity in Christ will give you the freedom to live sexually pure.

When I was struggling with my own sexual sin, I acted like a slave to my desires and actions.  In fact, I believed I was a slave!  No amount of promises to God curbed my thoughts and actions.  The Word of God set me free, along with the power of the Holy Spirit.  Understanding and embracing the truth about your identity is Christ is crucial to walk in victory.  Therefore, meditate on Scriptures that counteract the lies until they set you free.

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin.  Romans 6:1-7

5) Limit your exposure to certain people.

You don’t want to be around people who constantly remind you of your past mistakes.  Your memory is fine and it doesn’t need any extra help.  Additionally, do not allow naysayers to take you off-course.  Sexual purity is possible for all believers regardless of past sexual experiences!  Therefore, you do not have to continue living with sexual regret and give up the quest.

I will not tell anyone to avoid all “negative” people, unbelievers or “toxic” people in their life.  If all Christians were to be among only like-minded Christians, how would we influence a dying world for Christ? Rather, I would suggest that you manage the level of interaction and closeness. You are to be the salt and light.

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;”  Psalm 1:1

6) Believe that God can transform you.

You are not tied to your past.  Although you have made some poor choices in the past, every negative pattern of behavior can be broken.  Without a doubt, God has made every human being to be highly trainable.  If you allow Him, He can transform you into a woman of purpose, strong, confident and resilient.  But He needs your willingness. 

Will you surrender your life into his loving and capable arms?

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.[a] The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 1 Corinthians 5:17

Related articles:

How to Stop Having Sex with Your Boyfriend

5 People You Love When You Save Sex for Marriage

How to Beat Porn Addiction and Other Sexually Addictive Behaviors | 10 Practical Tips

Summary

Each day represents a new beginning for your life.  Today can be your beginning to a life of freedom from sexual regret.  As you allow God to work in your heart, it will only be a matter of time when you will bear little resemblance to the former you.  Instead of being ashamed of your past, allow God’s redemptive power to make you into a new and improved woman.  Jesus made it possible by dying on the cross and rising from the dead.  

‘“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed,’ Luke 4:18-19

What has made it difficult for you to move past sexual regret?  What has helped you the most?  Comment below and let me know! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get your Self-Study on Sexual Purity along with other resources in my library!