As a woman with two degrees and a strong personality, I understand this challenge firsthand. It can be frustrating when you feel your ambition is a barrier to a godly, loving marriage. However, while some men might be intimidated, there are secure men out there willing to pursue you. Let’s break down the realities of the dating pool, why some men hesitate, and practical tips that actually work.

The Three Types of Men You Will Meet

When navigating the dating world as an educated, career-oriented woman, you will generally encounter three types of men. Understanding who they are will save you a lot of time and heartache.

Why Men Might Hesitate to Pursue You

It is easy to assume a man isn’t pursuing you simply because he is intimidated by your success. While that is true for “Insecure Ian,” it is not the only reason. Here are a few candid truths why a good man might be keeping his distance from you:

He wants peace at home: A diligent man deals with stress all day. Why would he want a wife who brings tension, constantly needs to win arguments, or puts others down? Most men, especially more mature men, long for a peaceful home.

He has seen poor examples: If you remind him of a bossy, executive-type woman who made his life difficult in the past, he may steer clear away from you.

You appear to have no room for him: If you are constantly busy, always on your phone, and rushing from project to project, a man will assume you have no room in your life for a relationship or a family.

Your reputation precedes you: Whether in church, at work, or among friends, people talk. If you have a reputation for being quarrelsome, arrogant, or treating people poorly, a man might be aware of these character flaws and decide not to even attempt to pursue you.

Career, educated women, like myself, can get married to an awesome godly man! Read on …

Here are 8 Essential Relationship Tips for Ambitious Career Women:

Your education will not make your marriage great; your character will. If you have a strong personality, you have to be wise in how you relate to men. Here are eight tips that completely transformed my own love life:

1) Find your identity in Christ, not in your career.

Your significance does not come from your income, your titles, or the countries you have visited. These things are temporary gifts from God. Instead focus on growing in the fruit of the Spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. – Galatians 5:22

Now, imagine if a man were to meet a woman( for instance you) who is bearing fruit in these areas?!?!

2) Bring joy and peace to those around you.

A wise man wants to know his life will be better with you in it. Be someone whose company is genuinely enjoyable.

3) Embrace healthy submission.

Practice submitting to God’s will and to the healthy authorities in your life right now. Resist the urge to wear rebellion as a badge of honor. It is indeed beautiful and powerful when we learn to submit to one another.

“… giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” – Ephesians 5:20-21

4) Become a cheerleader.

With your friends, especially your male friends, try not to constantly pointing out what is wrong or how things could be improved by your “better” ideas. Start applauding others and speaking well of them behind their backs.

5) Be teachable.

How do you react to constructive feedback? A willingness to learn and grow is a highly attractive trait.

6) Keep your accomplishments humble.

In the early stages of a relationship, you don’t need to impress him by boasting about your academic or career achievements or your recent corporate awards. Let him discover your brilliance slowly from you. If he finds out through other means, then so be it. However, humility will look good on you.

7) Enjoy serving others.

I had two recent encounters at an event. Two young ladies indicated, in very clear terms, that they were only interested in eating the food and not sharing the food although help was needed. In contrast, I was at another meeting and a young lady simply got up and helped to share the hostess to share the food.

Just because you are an expert in your field, it does not mean everyone else must serve you. Pick up a plate; help out at an event; and mirror the joyful humility of Jesus.

8) Learn to understand men.

Learn how to communicate with respect and encourage the men in your life. As you move up the corporate ladder, your interactions with men might have changed. Perhaps, you might find yourself having to fight for your suggestions to be taken seriously. You might even find yourself talking harshly to a male co-worker.

I remember as a leader, one of my male co-workers made a mistake and I lost my patience with him. The Holy Spirit immediately convicted me and I apologised to him. Since then, I have not spoken to him in that manner. Over time, I came to understand men a lot more and disrespecting a man is an absolutely “no no”.

Summary

Keep the Hope Alive

If you desire marriage, do not lose hope. There are enough good men in the world, and God is more than capable of bringing the right person into your life. Pray for the men around you; trust in God’s timing; and commit to allowing the Holy Spirit to mature your character. Your marriage can be a profound blessing to the world when both of you are completely surrendered to building God’s kingdom together.

To recap,

Here are 8 Tips for the Highly Educated, Career-Oriented Woman:

1. Find your identity in Christ, not in your career.
2. Bring joy and peace to those around you.
3. Embrace healthy submission.
4. Become a cheerleader.
5. Be teachable.
6. Keep your accomplishments humble.
7. Enjoy serving others.
8. Learn to understand men.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

When Your Strong Personality is Hindering Love

Career women and the challenge of finding love

So God Said That I’ll Be Your Wife? Oh really?…6 Tests to Know If He’s the One

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer

“Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t” by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Kindle E-Book Reader

The post 8 Essential Relationship Tips for Ambitious Career Women appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Your best friend tells you that she thinks ‘Sam’ likes you. You are elated at this revelation. Every time you see him, your heart does a happy dance. You have been observing him for some time now and your admiration for him is growing. Could he be the ‘One’? Can you keep your confidence intact?

“Sam” makes a move…hooray!

‘Sam’ finally had the courage to ask you for your phone number so you willingly give it to him. Finally, the ball is beginning to roll! The former slightly-desperate you would naively destroy the relationship before it has any real chance of blossoming. But the new confident you wants to be wiser in your interactions with all men, especially ‘Sam’.

How should you proceed? How do you strike the delicate balance of showing your interest in ‘Sam’ while giving ‘Sam’ the opportunity and privilege of pursuing you?

Before you proceed …

If you have been acting desperately in the past, you can be comforted that your future interactions with men can be different and healthier. (If you’re not sure if you’re desperate at times, check out “The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It” ). But you need to renew your mind and behave like a confident woman of God (check out “Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman”).

Here are some practical pointers to keep your confidence intact as you interact with ‘Sam’:

1. Don’t be so eager to respond.

Since you have a life other than being available to him 24/7, don’t always respond immediately to his messages like if your phone is an extension of your body. Sometimes you can respond and sometimes you simply can’t.

As a matter of fact, try to place the phone away from you from time to time throughout the day. Put a restriction on yourself on how often you will check your phone. We have to be radical at times. Don’t appear desperate, but rather keep your confidence intact.

2. Occupy your time and mind.

When you’re at home during your free time, watch a movie; read a good book; do a hair treatment; do your nails; take an online course; call a friend to catch up; memorize Scripture; write a mini e-book; exercise; or do anything to have your thoughts otherwise engaged. Don’t spend all your time anxiously awaiting his phone call or his messages.

3. You need sufficient notice.

If he wants to go out with you, you need sufficient notice for this to happen… no ‘today for tomorrow’. Since you have a life apart from him, you’ll need to schedule him in. You can’t drop all your plans just to be available for a man.

If he wants more of your time, he’ll need to take the relationship to another level. Don’t give too much of yourself so quickly and so easily. Let the man do some work! Keep your confidence up!

“That which we obtain too easily we esteem too lightly.” Thomas Paine

4. Be patient and joyful.

If he takes long (in your estimation) to respond to your messages, don’t take it personally. He’s probably busy saving the world:) Choose to think well of him so that when you speak with him, you sound sincerely joyful and not annoyed.

You cannot fake it. If you’re upset, your voice and words will betray you. Being too intense will certainly prematurely kill any interest that he has in you.

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.” Proverbs 16:32

5. Avoid the marriage talk.

Don’t bring up marriage and what you will name your children in initial conversations with him. You’re now getting to know him. He might turn out to be a psycho. You don’t know him well enough to conclude if you want to marry him. Let him be the one to bring up marriage with you. Don’t appear too eager or desperate. Keep your confidence intact!

6. Keep your heart open to others.

If he hasn’t declared his intentions directly to you, do not believe that he’s the one for you. He may or may not be so I wouldn’t recommend setting your heart on him just yet. Keep your mind and heart open to other good eligible men.

I have seen too many women focused on a man, who has given them no commitment and in time, he marries someone else. If a man is really interested in you, he will make his intentions known. You’re not a mind-reader.

Also, don’t allow yourself to be ‘his time-filler’ until he meets the woman of his dreams. You’re too special to allow yourself to be used like that.

7. Resist dreaming about your wedding day with him.

When you find yourself thinking about your future with him as your husband and walking down the aisle toward him, you need to do a brain switch immediately.

Think about something that is unrelated, but something that interests or excites you – your future vacation, your work project, your cutie pie nephew…anything to get your mind from going to dreamland about your future with him. An excellent resource is “Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” by Dr. Caroline Leaf.

8. Smile often and enjoy yourself.

Did you know that someone can tell if you are smiling on the other end of the phone? It makes a difference in the way you sound. The next time that you speak with your love interest (or anyone for that matter), try smiling when you’re on the phone. It’ll make a difference.

9. Don’t smother him.

Give him some breathing space. You don’t have to be in his presence 24/7. You don’t need to make him feel guilty because he wants to spend time with his friends. As a matter of fact, you want to encourage him to have strong relationships with other godly men because ‘iron sharpens iron’ (Proverbs 27:17).

Whether you’re in the early stages of a relationship or engaged to be married, you both need to have other interests and other relationships that add value to your life.

10. Make time for your other relationships.

Don’t neglect your other key relationships with God, your friends and your family to focus completely on him. God has placed you in community so that you can blossom into a purposeful healthy grounded woman. No one man can provide all that you need to prosper in every area of your life.

A woman could possess external beauty, but yet behave like a desperate woman when she interacts with men. As you begin to value who you are, your desirability will increase. Keep your confidence level up!

A truly confident woman of God knows her worth and she acts accordingly. Her value is not based on her outward appearance or her sexual appeal, but her depth of character and strength which comes from her dependence on God.

Do you keep your confidence intact when a man begins to pursue you? If you’re around confident women of God, what have you observed about their interactions with men? I would love to hear your opinion or observations.

I absolutely love receiving emails from my subscribers whether it be a response to an email that touched them, a call for prayer or simply saying ‘hi’. If you’d like to be a subscriber, click here. When you can subscribe, you will receive my weekly email tips to help you to grow in your relationships with God and others. You’ll also receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. Thanks for stopping by!:)

Comment, Share and Subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

“Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health” by Dr. Caroline Leaf

“Fascinating Girl” by Helen Andelin

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post Is He Showing Interest? 10 Pointers to Keep Your Confidence Intact appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Do you behave like a confident attractive woman or one who is desperate?

“Jack”

You meet an awesome guy ‘Jack’ and he’s so incredible! The last time you two chatted, you spoke for hours but it merely felt like minutes. As a result, your phone is with you 24/7 because you simply cannot risk missing a phone call or even a message from him.

Throughout the day, you’re wondering if ‘Jack’ is going to call you. As such, you can barely function because your thoughts are occupied with daydreams of him. Should you take the initiative to call him? But you’ve already sent him at least four messages for the day.

When he finally gets around to calling you, he senses that you’re upset and he has no clue why. In addition, some days have passed and his calls have become sparse. Has ‘Jack’ lost interest already…just like ‘David’, ‘Sam’ and ‘Errol’? Perhaps, your desperation has scared another guy away. It’s about time you become a confident attractive woman again.

Now, you are determined to put an end to sabotaging your own love life. But you’re a little clueless about what to do. Can your desperation ever be cured? Can you regain your confidence?

Time for change

Indeed, you’re in a good place. The first step to being cured is admitting the truth about your state of desperation. Actually, you don’t need to be ashamed of it because it’s quite common among singles (men and women alike). The battlefield of life has left you dry, wounded and desperate, but you need to be reminded that you are a treasure and worthy to be adored and loved.

The good news is that you can overcome it once and for all. I did and you can too! If you’re not sure if you’re suffering from desperation, check out ‘The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It’.

Undoubtedly, the cure to desperation is gaining confidence. Whether you marry in the future or not, it is important that you become a confident woman of God, which in itself, is extremely attractive. Confidence will enhance every relationship in your life and even your career.

Here are some helpful steps to become a more confident attractive woman.

1) Get a life.

At this point of time of your life, you need to focus on building a life that you absolutely love. More importantly, you need to be at a point where you enjoy your own company. If you don’t enjoy being you, why should someone else join your ‘party’?

You cannot wait for a man to begin having a time of your life. The poor man will feel overburdened with that weighty responsibility. A healthy godly man does not want to be a woman’s idol. Understandably, he will feel secure knowing that he’s not your only source of joy and fulfilment.

When a man communicates with you, he should sense that you’re enjoying your life immensely, with or without him. Moreover, he should be hearing the laughter in your voice as you speak about your day; hear the excitement of your life adventures; be inspired by the wisdom from your reading; be challenged and encouraged by your service to others around you; and be happy to hear about your experiences from hanging out with your friends. In essence, he should be intrigued by your life and want to be apart of that celebration.

When your life is vibrant and full, you’ll be so busy enjoying life that you would not spend all your time anxiously waiting for his phone call or his responses to your messages. As a matter of fact, he’ll have to call in advance to schedule to spend time with you.

Questions to consider:

• What do you enjoy doing the most (besides sleep!)?
• Who or what makes you laugh uncontrollably?
• How can you serve others more?
• What kind of service brings life to you?
• When you lay down to sleep and you reflect, what brings a smile to your face?
• Which relationships add joy to your life?
• With whom do you need to spend more time?
• If you were to never get married, how would you spend your time?

2) Value yourself.

If you don’t value yourself, don’t expect anyone else to value you. God has created all of us in His image and His likeness (Genesis 1:26) so you have an excellent foundation of significant value. With over 7.6 billion persons in the world, you are totally original and unique. Indeed, there has never been anyone like you in the past, anyone like you now or anyone like you to be born in the future. That being the case, you cannot be perfectly replaced.

“I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14

If you find yourself doubting your worth, here are some suggested action steps:

1. Set aside some extended time alone and ask the Holy Spirit to show you your positive blind spots.
2. Take a good look at yourself. What are your assets? What compliments do you receive about your personality or your skills or your physical attributes?
3. Ask loving family and friends to share with you what they enjoy about you; what makes you unique; and what benefits you bring into a relationship. If no one has anything good to say about you, then you either need new friends and/or you need some character changes.
4. Record all that you’ve learnt or rediscovered about yourself in the above points and thank God for them.
5. Plan to further maximize your strengths. For instance, if you learn that your smile is infectious, then make it a point to smile more even if you feel self-conscious about it.

If you are to be married, God will provide a man who will like and love the woman that you are. As such, you don’t need to pretend to be someone else. Simply allow your strengths to shine brighter and become a confident attractive woman!

3) Don’t waste your emotions on the wrong guy.

If you’re interested in a guy and you sense that he’s not that interested in you, leave him alone. Don’t waste your time. Of course, you can be friends with him, but don’t treat him more than a friend.

Too many single women waste their time and emotions on men who are not interested ENOUGH to pursue them. When the affection is not reciprocated, it affects their self-worth. Don’t even allow it to reach that far. I remember ‘Tom’. Nearly all my close female friends at the time told me that ‘Tom’ liked me. Eventually, I myself began to be convinced.

The problem with this situation is that ‘Tom’ never said anything directly to me. Important to note, he never clearly declared any interest in me. However, God brought a wonderful man who liked me ENOUGH to pursue me without the frustrating guessing game. It was beautiful! As a woman, you deserve to be pursued so don’t sell yourself short.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Mark Twain

“Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport.” ~ Unknown

4) Do a makeover.

We need to be practical as Christian women. When a woman feels good about her body and the way she looks, it affects how she walks, talks and her overall demeanor. Besides, our entire being is interconnected and it’ll be wise of us to pay attention to our physical beauty.

All of us have attributes that make us look beautiful. You may not be attractive to all men, but one man may be enthralled by your unique beauty. Therefore, the key is to discover and focus on what makes you feel beautiful. When you feel gorgeous in your own body, it will come across in your interactions with everyone, including men. Subsequently, you’ll become a confident attractive woman.

By the way, you don’t need to look like Miss Universe. Interestingly, beauty has more to do with how you feel about yourself. I have seen women who look quite the opposite to a ‘Miss Universe’ look and they are attractive. They take care of themselves and they exude a strong sense of confidence which is captivating.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What will make you feel more attractive?
• Do you like the way you look?
• Would a new hairstyle enhance your appearance?
• Is your wardrobe crying out for a makeover?
• Do you need to become fit?
• Which colors make you come alive?

In your makeover, please don’t start dressing scantily or sexily, because it screams ‘I’m desperate for male attention!’. Additionally, you risk attracting the wrong men. For more on this, read ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Related article:

5 Rare Qualities Mature Christian Men Want

5) View single men as possible friends.

In the past, when a handsome guy came into my presence, it was my automatic response to immediately check his hand to see if there was a wedding band. Of course, I tried to look without being obvious!

I viewed every attractive eligible guy as a prospective partner for me. With a mindset like that, it was very difficult to focus on being just friends. Instead of being a confident attractive woman, I appeared desperate. I was preoccupied with questions like, ‘does he like me?’, ‘am I showing too much interest?’, ‘what did he mean when he said …?’, ‘how should I interpret when he did …?’ and on and on it went.

In short, I missed the whole point of knowing and loving my Christian brothers as fellow followers of Christ. As a result, it was very difficult to be myself around those guys. My ‘intense over-protective’ self overshadowed my ‘real enjoyable’ self. Needless to say, love did not blossom with any of those guys.

When next you meet a single guy that you might like, try to be interested in him as a friend. Think about him as a possible friend for life, and not as a potential mate. Whether or not he becomes your husband, you would have gained one more friend. Just as we don’t want men to be view us as sex objects, men also want to be valued for who they are and not merely marriage objects.

Questions to consider:

• How can I be a blessing to him?
• In what way can I best serve him as a sister?
• How can I encourage him?
• How can I pray for him?

6) Kill the marriage idol.

What is the absolute worst thing that can happen if you never get married? Ask yourself – “Would you lose your salvation? Would you be eternally unhappy? Would your parents disown you if you didn’t birth a grandchild?” To put it briefly, marriage is a temporary status that will soon be over. It will end when either partner dies. Is it worth it to be unhappy and discontent for something that is relatively short-lived in comparison to eternity?

Some years ago, I came to this point of surrender. If I never got married, I would be fine with being single for the rest of my life. Admittedly, it was not easy coming to that point. But afterwards, I started enjoying my single season once again without placing emphasis on getting married. I felt free! As a result, I became a confident attractive woman again. Even my relationships with men became healthier as my interaction with them changed. My focus was gaining a friend in a brother.

As a Christian, we need to continually hold everything in our lives with an open hand of surrender to God … even a good desire like marriage. I firmly believe that we should not allow anything or anyone (apart from God Himself) to have control over us. When you begin to realize that something or someone has an unhealthy hold on you, you need to take a step back and take an intentional break or implement limits.

Summary

In conclusion, you can cure desperation and become a confident attractive woman by following the above tips: getting a life; valuing yourself; not wasting your time on the wrong guy; doing a makeover; viewing single men as friends; and killing the marriage idol. This is not an exhaustive list, but those are the steps that I took to cure myself of desperation. Now, I’m married to a wonderful man who didn’t experience any desperate behaviour from me. Yippee!

I would love to hear your views on this matter. What makes a woman radiate with confidence? What has helped you on your journey to valuing yourself? Comment below and share your views. Subscribe and you’ll receive my weekly email tips on developing your relationships with God, yourself and with others. As a bonus, you’ll also receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You want to ask a question? Subscribe and email me that question at any time. I personally answer all emails. I hope you found this helpful. Thanks for stopping by!:)

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With love,

Kimberly

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman appeared first on Petals Bloom.

What is the top attraction killer?

There seems to be a recurring theme in your life. You meet a fantastic guy. Subsequently, you hit it off (or so you think), but it quickly dies or never blossom into a committed relationship. Your friends and family think that you’re an amazing beautiful woman and wonder what is wrong with the single men around you. Are they blind?

Or is there something that you’re unknowingly doing that is short-circuiting your love life? If so, what is that top attraction killer? There could be many reasons contributing to your current single state, but the one not-so-obvious trait is DESPERATION. A state of desperation has very little to do with your physical attractiveness, intelligence, wit or your devotion to God. Many single women go through a period of desperation, spanning months or even years. Desperation acts like a ‘man repellant’. It is the top attraction killer.

I too have gone through the desperate phase and during that time, suitors were very very few. The persons who pursued me during that time were persons in whom I had not an ounce of interest. What a dilemma… no interest from the guys you like and keen interest from those you don’t like!

The most common contributing factors of desperation:

• You’ve experienced rejection due to a failed relationship;
• You sense that your biological clock is quickly ticking away and there’s no husband-to-be in sight;
• Your self-worth has been crushed due to a debilitating life event; and/or
• You have internalized demeaning and negative insults about your self-worth from persons in your life.

Factors one and two were my culprits. It wasn’t easy, but my freedom started when I faced my desperation. Like me, you may not even be aware of your desperate behavior. However, the sooner you come to terms with this, the faster than you can overcome it and increase your level of attractiveness. Like any real breakthrough in life, you must first face the truth.

Although it might not be obvious to us, men can ‘smell’ desperation in a woman. Is this top attraction killer evident in your life?

Here are some signs to help you see if the top attraction killer is in your life:

1) You get attached too quickly.

You just met ‘Charlie’. The mutual attraction was unexplainable! Furthermore, you had several long enjoyable conversations with him. You have so much in common that it must be a match made in Heaven. You begin to daydream about your wedding day with ‘Charlie’ as your much-desired long-awaited groom. What a beautiful wedding it will be! Who should you invite?

You begin to text ‘Charlie’ every day and you get upset when he is talking too long to respond. When you see him talking to another woman, you begin to get jealous and even give him the ‘cold shoulder’. You share with your girlfriends that you and ‘Charlie’ are becoming a couple. Poor ‘Charlie’! He’s oblivious that he’s featuring in your wedding dream. To him, you’re an attractive woman, but he hardly knows you. He’s perturbed that you’re so intense. He is beginning to wonder what has happened.

Ladies, if a man doesn’t plainly express to you that he’s romantically interested in you; that he wants to be in a relationship with you; or that he wants to marry you, do not begin to fantasize about your life with him as his wife. Even the shyest man on the face of the planet will get the courage to declare his love to the woman he wants (when he’s ready). Do not take this privilege away from him. You don’t want to force a man to be with you.

Questions to consider:

Do you …

• Find yourself fantasizing about the ‘new guy’ shortly after meeting him?
• Think that you’re in a relationship with someone who has made no such  commitment?
• Bring up the talk of marriage too quickly?
• Come across as too intense?
• Share your feelings too soon?
• Get upset when he’s taking too long to reply to your messages?
• Convince yourself that a guy likes you and he has made no such indications?

If you get attached too quickly, that top attraction killer is evident!

2) You’ve lost your head.

You once believed that you’ll wait until marriage for sex. But now, you’ve thrown that virtue away to please with your love interest. Perhaps, you tolerate abuse because you’re afraid of remaining single all the days of your life. When you’re desperate, you begin to compromise values and beliefs you previously held dearly. Check out ‘6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful’ and ‘7 Tips to Win at Sexual Purity‘.

You do things that you never thought you’d do prior to meeting him. You begin to lose yourself and behave foolishly. I remember that I was with a male friend, who I found to be rather attractive, and his shoelace became untied. Do you know what I offered to do?!? I am ashamed to admit it but I bent down and offered to tie them …in the middle of a shopping plaza! What in the world was I thinking? Nothing was wrong with his own two hands. When you’re desperate, you don’t act in your right mind and then you behave in a manner that your more sensible self would never do. That top attraction killer is clouding your judgement.

Questions to consider:

• Are you too eager to please a man that you end up doing things that are against your better judgement?
• Do you wait ‘hand and foot’ on your boyfriend?
• Have you compromised your once-held values on sexual purity?
• Are you pursuing someone else’s boyfriend, fiancé or husband?

3) You change who you are.

You morph into a different person to please a man who has caught your attention. Unknowingly, you become the woman that you think he wants. You’re not into sports and suddenly, you become the biggest sports fan. You pretend that sports has always been your favorite hobby. His favorite foods are now your favorites. You dislike classical music, but now you have a ‘Classical’ music playlist that only gets playtime when he’s in your presence. You dress only in the way that you think he likes.

Furthermore, you always agree with him, even if your personal views are different from his. In essence, you’ve lost your identity. It’s exhilarating to meet someone who has similar interests, but no man wants to marry a female-version of himself. That’s way too boring. Besides, if you don’t like and value yourself, why should anyone else enjoy being with you?

Questions to consider:

• Do you hide the real you when you’re with someone?
• Do you change your entire appearance to please a man?
• Are you always agreeing with the man in whom you’re interested?
• Do you change who you are to be with a guy?
• Have you begun to wear revealing clothing so that men will see your sexiness?
• Do you send him suggestive/nude photos of yourself?
• Are you afraid to disagree with someone that you like?
• Do you enjoy your own company?

4) You don’t have a life.

If you are constantly available to a guy, it means that you have no life apart from him. When he messages you, you respond with the speed of lightning. When he calls you, you’re always available to chat. Whenever he asks to go out with you ‘today for tomorrow’, you always have time. Ladies, you’re setting up yourself for being taken for granted. No one will adore a woman who has no life of her own or whose whole life is centered around him (unless he’s a controlling insecure man). Read ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Questions to consider:

Do you …

• Message the new guy in your life too frequently?
• Constantly check your phone to see if he has messaged you?
• Try to never miss a phone call from him?
• Change your plans whenever he calls last-minute to go out with you?
• Convince yourself that you’re in a relationship with a man who has not clearly declared his intentions?

I went to a Christian concert and I met a guy. Without a doubt, I wasn’t romantically interested in him, but I didn’t mind being his friend. I checked his profile on Facebook and I noticed that we had about 15 mutual friends comprising persons who I trust. Therefore, I thought it was safe to give him my phone number. Within 2 hours (or less) after the concert, the guy called me 4 times! What madness! I was annoyed to say the least. Desperation in both sexes is repulsive. Undoubtedly, it is a top attraction killer.

5) You are overly obsessed with getting married.

Marriage can become an idol for single women. Most of us begin dreaming about our wedding and marriage from a young age. A friend’s teenage daughter already has several Pinterest boards dedicated to her wedding. When these dreams are not realized, we can become desperate. Does your happiness depend on your relationship status? At times, it is natural to feel frustrated and disappointed about your unmet desire, but your desire for marriage should not dominate your entire life and emotions. Check out ‘5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful’ and ‘Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it‘.

“Anything I put before my God is an idol.
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.
Anything I can’t stop thinking of is an idol.
Anything that I give all my love is an idol.
We must not worship something that’s not even worth it.
Clear the stage and make some space for the one who deserves it.
Cause I can sing all I want to.
Yes I can sing all I want to
I can sing all I want to
And still get it wrong, worship is more than a song.”
Lyrics excerpt from the song ‘Clear the Stage’ by Ross King

Questions to consider:

• Has marriage become an idol in your life?
• If you never got married, would you be happy and content?
• If God never gave you the gift of a spouse, would you turn your back on Him and rebel?
• Has singleness led you to be disobedient to God?

In Exodus 20:3 (KJV), it is written, “You shall have no other gods before Me.” A man could never ever fully satisfy us. Only God can. As single Christian woman, you need to know that marriage is not the reason for your existence. Jesus is.

I’m very familiar with the torturous feelings of desperation. At times, your emotions can be so intense that you need more than will power to act wisely with a guy that you like. In “Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman”, I have shared with you what you can do get rid of this monster of desperation that is your top attraction killer.

What is your story? Have you ever felt so desperate that you lost all sense of reason? What are other clues that a woman (or man) is desperate for a relationship? I would love to hear your views. Comment below and subscribe to get my weekly email tips to help strengthen your relationship with God and others in your life. I love interacting with my subscribers. As an added bonus, when you subscribe, you receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. I look forward to continuing the conversation via email.

Comment, Share & Subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly

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The post The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It appeared first on Petals Bloom.

How would you know if he’s the one?

Choosing a spouse is one of those decisions that can weigh heavily on you. You tend to be extra careful in this area because marriage is a tremendous responsibility that you plan to take very seriously. So how do you determine if you’ve met the ‘one’ for you? As a single woman, you’ll come across several scenarios with men that can either trip you up or tug on your emotions. Here are four scenarios that might sound familiar to you:

Scenario 1:

‘Harry’ asks to speak with you privately. He has something important to disclose. He says that God told him that you are to be his wife. You are surprised. You never saw ‘Harry’ in that romantic light. But if God said, who are you to doubt God!?! Should you really consider ‘Harry’ as your future husband? Could ‘Harry’ be the ‘one’?

Scenario 2:

You’ve been friends with ‘Jake’ for a long time. Suddenly, ‘Jake’ tells you that he wants to marry you. You nearly fainted. You never had your eyes on Jake, but he’s a respectable man who loves the Lord. Could he be the ‘one’ for you?

Scenario 3:

How about the crush that you have on ‘Tom’? He’s the man of your dreams and perfect in nearly every way. When you see him, your heart skips a beat and you can hardly breathe. You can listen to his deep manly voice for the whole day. You admire him so much. You’re hoping that he’s the ‘one’, but is he really the ‘one’?

Scenario 4:

You’ve been in a relationship with ‘Ronny’ for a while, but you don’t know if you want to marry him. Would you be happy with Ronny as a husband? If you settle for ‘Ronny’, what if someone better comes along?

I’ve had my own share of confusion when it came to determining who I should marry. It can be pretty stressful at times, especially when you’re not interested in the other person. Before you get manipulated into a marriage; end up choosing unwisely; or waste your precious time and emotions on the wrong man, you need to ask yourself some questions. Also, get your freebie “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him” in my resource library.

Here are 6 tests to determine if he’s the ‘one’ for you:

Test 1: What is God saying to you?

Block out the noise and talk to God about ‘Harry’, ‘Jake’, ‘Tom’ or ‘Ronny’. Both persons should feel a sense of God’s peace with a life-altering decision like marriage. If you don’t feel God’s peace about marriage with ‘Harry’, ‘Jake’, ‘Tom’ or ‘Ronny’, do not proceed. Do not pass ‘Go’ on the monopoly board of getting married.

More on ‘Harry’

If ‘Harry’ sincerely believes that God told him that you’ll be his wife, then he needs to be quiet and allow God to speak to you about him. You should be careful of even considering a man who tells you that God says that you should be his wife.

That’s a man who wants to abscond from the hard but important task of pursuing a woman and winning her heart. It’s a lazy short-cut route and also manipulative. It’s not God’s modus operandi to guilt us or manipulate us into marrying a particular person. ‘Harry’ might need some more time to grow.

Test 2: Do your parents like him?

In my young naive years, I didn’t hold my parents’ opinion about my love interest in high regard. If they liked him, then that’s great. If they didn’t, than that would not stop me from marrying him. Good thing I didn’t marry during those naive years.

The switch in my perspective came when I was listening to an audio recording on relationships. The speaker was saying that if you really believe that a person is the ‘one’ for you and your parents don’t like the person, then it’s in your best interest to pray further about it.

The Blessings of Your Parents

God is quite able to change your parents’ heart toward your love interest or change your heart toward him. Either way, I wouldn’t recommend proceeding until your parents are okay with your prospective marriage partner. God is able to do the powerful work of changing hearts which I have seen time and time again.

Marriage is the joining of families and believe me, you want peace and amiable relationships among them. If you don’t have that, it will eventually put unnecessary stress on your marriage. You want your parents and in-laws to be champions of your marriage and not enemies.

Proverbs 21:1 (NKJV) says, ‘the king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.’ In Ephesians 5:16b (NKJV), it says, ‘the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.’

It is particularly important that your father approves of him. Our fathers are there to protect us and can easily spot a fraud. If your father is absent for some reason, it would be advisable to allow your brother, uncle or male spiritual leader to play this role in your life. Men can see through other men. You also want your husband-to-be to know that he’s accountable to another man to take good care of you.

Test 3: Is he maturing in godly character?

Is ‘Harry’, ‘Jake’, ‘Tom’ or ‘Ronny’ growing in godly character? Marriage is for the long haul, so you need to open your eyes to soberly discern if your love interest has what it takes to make a good husband. His voice and good looks will eventually wither. However, character becomes richer and sweeter as it grows.

Questions to consider if he’s growing in godly character:

• Is he actively growing in his relationship with God with evident changes in his views and behaviors?
• When things get tough, does it quit?
• Is he a responsible adult?
• How does he deal with conflict?
• Does he say one thing and do the complete opposite?
• Does he make excuses for sinful behaviors?
• What is his reputation among his family, friends and co-workers?

If you’re not sure if he sincerely knows Jesus personally, get your “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him”.

Open your eyes before it’s too late. If you’re love struck, love blind or prone to be guilt-motivated, see test 4 (below).

Test 4: What do your spiritually-mature friends think about him?

You may not be seeing clearly, but your friends should have 20-20 laser vision. Once, I nearly considered a man who was not my cup of tea. He was my ‘Jake’. I did pray about it and I decided to seek counsel as well. One of my mentors told me that God also wanted me to love Him with my mind. We cannot make choices based on emotions only. That’ll be a one-sided twisted judgment.

Loving God with our minds involves utilizing our intellect in decision-making. In Matthew 22:37, ‘Jesus replied “Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”’ After using my brain, I decided that ‘Jake’ wasn’t my complimentary fit. I’ve never regretted that decision although I remained single for at least 10 years after that situation.

When it comes to a life-partner, seeking wise counsel is necessary.

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22

Test 5: Do you like and enjoy the guy?

If you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with him, then it is certainly better if you actually like the guy and enjoy his company. He’ll be in your presence constantly after you marry. After a date with him, you wouldn’t be returning to your parents’ home or a separate house. It’ll be you and him alone 24 hours a day on some days. Does that scare you or are you looking forward to that?

Other questions to ponder:

• Does his presence irritate you?
• Do you look forward to being in his presence?
• Do you laugh together?
• Are you comfortable being yourself around him?
• Do you share similar core convictions?
• Do you admire and respect the man that he is now?
• Does war or peace characterize your current relationship?

I remember liking a guy, but nearly every conversation with him left me exasperated. He was good looking and loved the Lord, but a marriage with him would have yielded more stress than pleasure.

Test 6: Can you do ministry together?

For Christians, marriage goes beyond companionship, sex, having children, and building wealth.  Marriage between a Christian man and woman should be focused on building God’s Kingdom.  

Questions to ask:

• Does he wholeheartedly support your ministry?
• Do you see yourself coming alongside him in his ministry?
• Can you work together well to build God’s Kingdom?

From my observation, serving God together as a couple seems to be a key contributor to a satisfying and lasting marriage.

Related Articles

5 Guys to Consider As Future Husbands

6 Guys To Resist

Summary

If the guy passes the above tests, then perhaps you may have found your complimentary fit. If he fails only one of the above tests, I still would not recommend proceeding because marriage and family are too important to choose a misfit.

Too often, I hear of Christians blaming God for the spouse that they CHOOSE to marry. We should avoid over-spiritualizing important decisions like choosing a spouse. In God’s wisdom and love, He has given us intellect to make prudent decisions.

He has also gifted us with friends and family to protect us from disastrous choices. Ultimately, your choice of a marriage partner is an adult decision and you need to take responsibility for your decisions. You cannot blame God or relinquish that responsibility to others.

What other tests have you used to determine who you should marry? As always, your opinion is crucial. Comment below and share your insights and wisdom. Subscribe and receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire and get weekly email tips to help you in your journey to follow Christ.

Subscribe, Comment & Share!

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get your “Religion or Relationship Test – Before You Date or Marry Him” in my resource library!!!!

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

Recommended Books:

Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for LifeLong Romance by Don Raunikar

For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn

The post 6 Tests to know If He is the One appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Are you single and disappointed?

You’ve been faithful to God and you’ve sought to make Him the top priority in your life.  Yet, another year has come and you’re still unmarried.

You look at other single Christian women who have ‘gotten through’, and you think that something must be wrong with you. Why is God not hearing and giving you what you desire? Doesn’t your faithfulness count for something?

Compromise? No way!

Regardless, you’re the kind of woman who will not compromise your biblical values …even to get married. You’re not going to engage in premarital sex just to get a man by your side. Furthermore, being with a non-Christian is an absolute no-no.

Furthermore, being with a married man (even if he’s planning to get a divorce) is out of the question. If those were the only options to get married, you’ve made up your mind that loving God and being obedient to Him would still take priority over being married.

But even so, your obedience to God seems to be getting you nowhere.   You’re disappointed and perhaps even angry with God. The struggle is real.

These are genuine feelings among countless single Christian females, especially among those who are older and have never been married.  There are always exceptions, but most single women have an inborn desire to have a family.

This unfulfilled natural longing can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, anger and even depression.  

My own struggles with being single and disappointed.

I can relate very well to your convictions and struggles. In the midst of enjoying my season of singleness, I also vividly remember my own struggles of disappointment and crying out to God to fill this desire to be married.

It was honestly rough at times. However, God always gave the grace during those periods and gave me wisdom to successfully handle my unmet longings.

Here are 5 helpful tips to help you to deal with being single and disappointed.

1. Don’t deny it.

You are disappointed and there’s no need to deny it. ‘Call a spade a spade.’ God already knows your heart so there’s no need to pretend.

In most therapies, the first step is always facing the truth about yourself. As such, it’ll be good to share your feelings with trusted friends whether they are single or married.

If your friends will make fun of you, then you’ll need some new friends! Now, I’m not recommending an ongoing pity-party or ‘men-are-no-good’ bashing party.

Remember, this is about you at the moment and it is healthy to face your issue in order to deal with it. You do not have to remain single and disappointed.

2. Cry out to God.

Be vulnerable with God, not in a disrespectful way, but let him know how you feel about the situation. Prayer is the simple act of communicating with God. Allow God to meet you in the deepest place of your heart and soul.

So, you can do this by writing, speaking or singing to God.

A. Communicating with God through writing .

While I was single, I wrote to God in my journals … expressing all my hurts, regrets, frustrations and disappointments. It felt incredibly freeing to let it all out. Therefore, I would recommend that you begin journaling as soon as possible.

Read the article ‘10 Easy Steps to Start Journaling Today’. It’ll help you to detox your emotions and to gain some clarity. You can get your FREE journal printable and join my 21-day journal challenge to get help to begin this life-changing habit.

B. Communicating with God through talking.

You don’t need a special place or even a special time. Right now, you can talk to God. Whenever you feel like you’re drowning in sadness, lift your heart to Him and cry out to Him. If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to bawl, then bawl.

‘Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.’ (1 Peter 5:7)

C. Communicating with God through singing.

Singing your heart out can work miracles when you’re feeling depressed about your singleness. One of my favorite songs when I felt that my heart was breaking was ‘Enough’ by Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio. Here are the lyrics:

“All of you is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
And still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
worth living for
And still more awesome than I know

All of you is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You’re my sacrifice
Of greatest price
And still more awesome than I know
You’re my coming King
You are everything
And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me
More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me.”

What songs have encouraged you when you felt single and disappointed?

3. Be a part of a healthy community.

We all need loving relationships. You may not have a husband, but having deep close friendships will fill your heart with love. For me, my friends were a tremendous support.

Therefore, you may want to be a part of a community that seeks to follow God and hold true to His values. If there are other single Christian women in your sphere, intentionally meet to encourage and to be your sister’s keep.

Be intentional to have a great time together. Don’t spend all your time talking about how sad and unfulfilled you are. Undoubtedly, there’s a lot more to this life than being married.

4. Build your confidence.

Confidence is attractive to men, job recruiters, coworkers, customers, etc. You need to feel good about yourself deep down in your bones. At any rate, your significance is not tied to your marital status.

I had one phase when I felt so desperate and needy. It was not pretty.  To put an end to that, I had to rewire my brain and build up my self-confidence.

Maybe you can do a makeover. Wear colors that make you look alive. Perhaps, even add a few new pieces to your wardrobe. Get a new hairstyle. In short, take some time for yourself and do things that would make you feel beautiful.

5. Guard your heart.

One of the best things to deal with being single and disappointed is to guard your heart. This means being intentionally in the following areas:

A. Your entertainment.

Have you ever finished watching a romantic movie at night and then as you enter dreamland, you somehow become the heroine in the movie?

After I intentionally stopped watching romantic movies for a prolonged period of time, my fantasies stopped and my intense longing for romance decreased significantly.

I became a lot happier being single. The way you think is a consequence of what you dwell on.

What shows, books, movies or music are driving your discontentment? I don’t think we realize just how much entertainment affects our entire being. Are you willing to reduce your fantasy stimuli, especially romantic movies/chick flicks?

Removing the triggers will lesson your feelings of being single and disappointed.

B. Your friends and family.

Which persons around you are influencing negative emotions about being unmarried?  I would suggest a change in ‘diet’ from them as well (if possible).  

You need to actively reduce or cut off negative stimuli or otherwise, your phase of being single and disappointed will last too long. If the negativity comes from persons with whom you live, let them know that what they are saying to you is not helpful.  

Instead, consciously seek to be around persons who are positive and who would help you to have a balanced biblical perspective on your singleness. Check out “5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful.” 

Proverbs 4:23 wisely advised, ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.’

Related articles:

5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful 

10 Fun Ideas to Kill Boredom

Summary

These are some actions that I have implemented to help me to deal with the disappointment of being single for longer than I wanted. Whether you remain single for the rest of your life or get married, you want to be joyful.

Therefore, it is very important that you take responsibility for only what you can do. Making some of these changes will not be easy, but I hope, they would make the world of difference in lessening the things that fuel your disappointment.  

Instead of being single and disappointed, you’ll be single and having a time of your life!

What other tips would you recommend?  Which songs have inspired you? Comment below because I would love to hear what has or is helping you to navigate this season.

Subscribe and receive your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. If you need to communicate with me directly, then click subscribe. As a subscriber, you’ll also receive my short weekly emails to help you in your decision to follow Christ. Click reply and share with me your singleness journey. Thanks for stopping by!

#madetolove

Share, subscribe and comment!

With lots of love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

‘Singled Out for Him’ by Nancy Leigh De Moss

The Path of Loneliness: Finding Your Way Through the Wilderness to God’ by Elisabeth Elliot

‘Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye: Trusting God with a Hope Deferred’ by Carolyn McCulley

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post Single and disappointed…5 Helpful Tips to Deal with It. appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You’re realizing that you’re with the wrong guy.  You know that you should end the relationship but you can’t imagine a future without him.  How do you even separate your intertwined lives? You honestly thought that he was the one that you were going to marry.

Unfortunately, heartbreak is an unavoidable evil of this life. We all make unwise decisions that will inevitably affect many others. Ending a relationship is very difficult, but it’s important to do it as soon as possible if you already know that he’s not the one for you. You can check out ‘6 Guys to Resist’ and ‘5 Truths Why You’re Still Single’. Here are some of the benefits for ending it now:

1. You’ll be able to move on quicker. You are wasting time (his and yours) when you continue to invest in a relationship that needs to end. Time is the most precious resource that we all have. Once time is gone, we can never get it back.
2. Both you and him can begin to heal before you both get ready for your future mates. Healing requires time and it cannot be rushed. Sometimes, it can take years to even realize the damage that has been done. After over 10 years of my first failed relationship, I realised that I had some serious rejection issues. Yes, it took me that long!
3. You can begin to work on the issues that contributed to your poor decisions. You need to discover your weaknesses and flaws and actively work on becoming a healthier person. If you don’t, it is quite likely that you’ll repeat the same mistakes in the future.
4. You will be making room for your future husband. You never know…he might actually be observing you right now.

I was in a relationship with a guy (‘Charlie’) for over 5 years that needed to end. I couldn’t imagine life without him. ‘Charlie’ was a good guy, but there were some aspects of the relationship that were not healthy at all. Deep down, I knew that it needed to end, but I didn’t want to end it. I remember talking with one of my friends who was seeing all the mess. He was advising me to open my eyes and put an end to the ‘madness’. I said to him, ‘you don’t think that God can change him?’ Ladies, we cannot be in love with the future version of a man.  Who knows when the change might come?! It might be when he’s on his last breath after 50 years of a stressful marriage! You don’t want to spend your whole married life in mourning and praying for your husband to change. We know that no one is perfect, but choose your battles very carefully (read ‘6 Guys to Resist’).

“There are many people who will stay in negative situations because it is familiar, rather than go where there is promise of something good, because that would be something unfamiliar” 
― Stormie Omartian, Lead Me, Holy Spirit: Longing to Hear the Voice of God

I have learned some important lessons when ‘Charlie’ and I broke up. If there was one thing we did well, it was that we ended the relationship well. Here are some tips that can help you as you end your relationship:

1) Pray

Although we see men as tough and strong, they have hearts that can hurt just like ours. If you know that you’re going to break up with him, pray that:

1. God will help him to deal with the breakup healthily.
2. God will heal his heart.
3. He may run to God to fill the void in his life.
4. God will help him to change in the ways that are unhealthy.

You can pray along similar lines for yourself. It’s always good to invite the prayers of other believers during this time. ‘The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective’ (James 5:16b).

2) Be direct

When you’re dealing with someone’s heart, it’s best not to ‘beat around the bush’.  You owe it to him to be as tactful as you can in expressing your desire to end it.  At that point in time, I wouldn’t recommend making any promises that there might be a possible re-establishment of the relationship in the future. You don’t know the future. As you develop, you will become a different person and if he remains unchanged, you may not be interested. Please note that if you’re in a very abusive relationship, you’ll need to take great precautionary measures when informing him of the break-up.

3) Set boundaries

When ‘Charlie’ and I entered our relationship, ‘Charlie’ said that if we were to ever break-up, we should have no contact for at least 6 months. I willingly agreed although I didn’t think we would ever break-up! This was one of the best and wisest decisions that we made. You often hear about couples who are ‘on again and off again’ repeatedly for years. That pattern happens because they continue to operate like they are in a relationship with each other. They see, call and message each other regularly. This type of behavior is emotionally draining to say the least.

Additionally, you might be the person who is certain that you don’t want to be with the other person. ‘Charlie’ might be hoping that one day, you’ll come back to him. When you remain in constant contact with your ‘Charlie’, you are not helping him to move on. He will remain hopeful that a ‘re-uniting’ is imminent. Later, when he hears that you’ve found the ‘love of your life’, he’ll be more devastated and heart-broken. Love him enough by helping him to move on as quickly as possible. Cut the communication channels for an extended time. This may sound harsh, but sometimes we need to take drastic measures to protect ourselves and others. How much time would you allow for no communication? After the time has elapsed, you can decide how much communicating you will do with him. If the relationship was highly abusive, you may want to stay away indefinitely.

4) Develop your relationship with God

During this difficult season, you want to focus more time in your relationship with God. The break-up will leave a void in your life and growing intimacy with Jesus is the best void-filler. You need His healing and deliverance. You’ll need His truth to uncover the issues that you must address. You’ll need His grace to go through this rough, trying period. You’ll need his wisdom and direction to take corrective action. You’ll need His strength to go through the difficult, stretching but needed growing pains. You simply need God! The process of growth is not easy but it’s necessary. Don’t take shortcuts:) An excellent resource that I’ve read is ‘Changes that Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’’ by Henry Cloud.

5) Surround yourself with family and friends

We are created for relationship. Oftentimes, God uses other humans in our healing process. You need your family and friends more than ever. Also, ask God for healthy female friends. My closest friends are female and it would be difficult to journey through life without them. Not all female friends are created equal so pray about it and proceed with faith and not fear in working on those relationships.

6) Work on developing you

After the break-up, you will have more time on your hands. Start dreaming again about the ‘new and improved’ you. What hobbies would you like to start? Which places would you like to visit? What new skill would you like to nurture? Exciting times are ahead for you!

As time passes, your heart will heal and the sting of the loss will become less and less. You’ll be glad that you took courage and ended the relationship sooner rather than later. During the initial extended time apart from him, work on yourself, your relationship with God and others. In the midst of the crying, you’ll also learn to laugh as you let God and others into your pain. My encouragement to you is to let go of fear and take steps of faith to end it now.

“Fear is the currency of oppression.” By Danielle Strickland

Journaling is a good practice when you end a relationship. It will help you to be aware of your emotions and let it all out on paper. Bottling up toxic emotions can never be healthy.  You’ll find that journaling will be therapeutic for you and assist you in coming to terms with all that’s happening. Read ‘10 Quick and Easy Tips to Start Journaling TODAY’. Join my 21-day journal challenge and get your FREE journal printable to start today.

What are some tips that you’ve found helpful in ending a relationship? I’d love to hear about your break-up experiences and the lessons that you’ve learnt. Please feel free to comment below. Your comment might be helpful to another woman. You can also share your fears about breaking up. I want to be there for you in your journey. Subscribe and get your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You will also receive my weekly email tips and be able communicate with me directly.

Subscribe, share and comment!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

‘Beating the Break-up Habit’ by Dick Purcell

‘Changes That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’’ by Henry Cloud

‘Changes That Heal Workwork: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’ by Henry Cloud

‘Lead me, Holy Spirit, Longing to Hear the Voice of God’ by Stormie Omartian

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 6 Tips to End a Relationship Well appeared first on Petals Bloom.