Another year is approaching and you’re still single. To add insult to injury, all your friends are posting engagement photos or gender reveal photos!

The journey of waiting for a godly spouse can be one of the most challenging and refining seasons of life. Drawing from personal experience and biblical wisdom, here are seven essential steps you can take to not only be patient while you wait on God, but to fully embrace and thrive in your singleness.

I thought that the ONLY reason that I was remaining single was because I was waiting on God. Slowly, I became aware of my own need to grapple with the truth about myself and the choices that I had made over the years. Just in case you might be in the same boat as I was, it is helpful to consider a few reasons you might still be single … other than it is God’s will.

• God is waiting for you to change key mindsets. This might involve becoming less rigid in your criteria for a spouse (e.g., only looking at men in full-time ministry like me!); being too hard to please or inflexible; continually being drawn to men who are “bad for you” while ignoring the good men already in your life; or being so fiercely independent that possible suitors get the impression that you don’t need a man in your life.
• A specific person is not ready. While not the norm, it’s possible that God has a specific person in mind, and neither you nor he is yet prepared for the commitment of marriage.
• The enemy is creating hindrances. The enemy does not want good, kingdom-building marriages between growing Christians and may be putting up spiritual obstacles that require intentional prayer.

While you may be waiting on God, God might, in fact, be waiting on you!

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1) Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).

Remember the most important marriage is the one you already have or are headed toward, that is to say, being a part of the Bride of Christ with Jesus as your Bridegroom. This eternal perspective is key to maintaining your sanity and joy. If you don’t marry on Earth, it is not the end of the world! You can still fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

2) Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.

Be brutally honest with yourself about the qualities you desire in a husband. Go through your list prayerfully and with a fine-tooth comb, determining if these items are truly essential or if they are based on vanity, cultural expectations, or unrealistic fantasies. Consider asking a biblically grounded, married Christian couple (married at least five years) to look at your list and help you discern the negotiables from the non-negotiables. While you wait on God, reconsider your “husband list”.

3) Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness

If you are constantly sad about being single, marriage may have become an idol in your life. This is not a healthy place to be. You need to dethrone the idol of marriage and replace it with Christ, the only one worthy of being the Lord of your life. Ask God to help you find contentment and joy in your current season. A joyful single woman who is open to marriage is far more attractive than a desperate one.

4) Make It a Matter of Prayer.

Praying regularly and specifically for your future husband (and asking others to pray for you) is vital. The enemy is actively working to prevent good Christians from uniting for marriage, so intentional, consistent prayer is a necessary defense against his schemes.

5) Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.

Maturing in every aspect of your life is the single most important thing you can do while waiting.

• Soak in God’s Word: The Bible is the ultimate tool for changing faulty mindsets; claiming promises; and repenting of sin. It is essential for Christian growth.
• Be in a Healthy Christian Community: Online services are not enough. You need to be in relationship and “doing life” with other believers to grow, which often involves conflict, encouragement, and accountability (to name a few).
• Find Mature Mentors: Ask God to bring a few mature Christian women (married or single) to disciple and mentor you while you wait on God for marriage.
• Be Wise About Media: Focus on wholesome books, podcasts, and materials that nurture your mind, body, and soul, helping you grow in your career and relationships. Be cautious of romance novels and fantasies—as one friend says, “The one in your bed is not the one in your head.” Fantasy can lead to dissatisfaction with a real, imperfect spouse when you get married.

6) Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.

Don’t let your life stall while you wait on God. Invest your time, emotional, and mental energy into serving others and building the Kingdom of God. Being involved in ministry and helping others grow can be deeply fulfilling and prevent you from being “overly crushed” by remaining single. Christ came not to be served, but to serve—find your joy in being like Him.

7) Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

In today’s age, we have over-complicated marriage. We’ve over-spiritualized some aspects and over-romanticized others (due to Hollywood and romance literature). Getting married doesn’t have to be that difficult. Focus on finding someone with similar Christian views; who is growing in their walk with the Lord; who is intentional about character development; and whose company you enjoy. Be willing to cut down on the man-made obstacles and barriers that prevent you from considering a good man while you wait on God.

In reality, the only sure way to know your time is near is when you are engaged and have a wedding date. While God may give you an impression, generally, people are clueless until they actually meet someone, the relationship gets serious, and a wedding date is set.

Summary

Remember: For the most part, God is waiting on us to become ready. He wants you to:

• Remove unrealistic expectations.
• Be more open to good men he has already connected you with.
• Deal with bad behavior, attitudes, and past traumas (like unaddressed rejection issues).
• Value marriage and family for what they are—a call that requires a willingness to “die to self”—rather than valuing career and independence too much

To recap,

Here are 7 Steps to Take While You Wait:

1. Surrender Your Will (Including Your Will to Be Married).
2. Review and Revise Your “Husband List”.
3. Determine to Enjoy Your Singleness.
4. Make It a Matter of Prayer.
5. Take Steps to Become a Healthier Single Woman.
6. Use Your Time and Energy in Serving Others.
7. Challenge Your Views on Marriage with God’s Word.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Why God Has You Waiting Long | 6 Reasons

9 Powerful Prayers Every Single Woman Should Pray

Single and Disappointed-5 Helpful Tips to Deal With it

Recommended Books:

“The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian

“The Five Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships” by Gary Chapman

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post How to Wait on God for Marriage appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Do you behave like a confident attractive woman or one who is desperate?

“Jack”

You meet an awesome guy ‘Jack’ and he’s so incredible! The last time you two chatted, you spoke for hours but it merely felt like minutes. As a result, your phone is with you 24/7 because you simply cannot risk missing a phone call or even a message from him.

Throughout the day, you’re wondering if ‘Jack’ is going to call you. As such, you can barely function because your thoughts are occupied with daydreams of him. Should you take the initiative to call him? But you’ve already sent him at least four messages for the day.

When he finally gets around to calling you, he senses that you’re upset and he has no clue why. In addition, some days have passed and his calls have become sparse. Has ‘Jack’ lost interest already…just like ‘David’, ‘Sam’ and ‘Errol’? Perhaps, your desperation has scared another guy away. It’s about time you become a confident attractive woman again.

Now, you are determined to put an end to sabotaging your own love life. But you’re a little clueless about what to do. Can your desperation ever be cured? Can you regain your confidence?

Time for change

Indeed, you’re in a good place. The first step to being cured is admitting the truth about your state of desperation. Actually, you don’t need to be ashamed of it because it’s quite common among singles (men and women alike). The battlefield of life has left you dry, wounded and desperate, but you need to be reminded that you are a treasure and worthy to be adored and loved.

The good news is that you can overcome it once and for all. I did and you can too! If you’re not sure if you’re suffering from desperation, check out ‘The Top Attraction Killer – 5 Signs You Have It’.

Undoubtedly, the cure to desperation is gaining confidence. Whether you marry in the future or not, it is important that you become a confident woman of God, which in itself, is extremely attractive. Confidence will enhance every relationship in your life and even your career.

Here are some helpful steps to become a more confident attractive woman.

1) Get a life.

At this point of time of your life, you need to focus on building a life that you absolutely love. More importantly, you need to be at a point where you enjoy your own company. If you don’t enjoy being you, why should someone else join your ‘party’?

You cannot wait for a man to begin having a time of your life. The poor man will feel overburdened with that weighty responsibility. A healthy godly man does not want to be a woman’s idol. Understandably, he will feel secure knowing that he’s not your only source of joy and fulfilment.

When a man communicates with you, he should sense that you’re enjoying your life immensely, with or without him. Moreover, he should be hearing the laughter in your voice as you speak about your day; hear the excitement of your life adventures; be inspired by the wisdom from your reading; be challenged and encouraged by your service to others around you; and be happy to hear about your experiences from hanging out with your friends. In essence, he should be intrigued by your life and want to be apart of that celebration.

When your life is vibrant and full, you’ll be so busy enjoying life that you would not spend all your time anxiously waiting for his phone call or his responses to your messages. As a matter of fact, he’ll have to call in advance to schedule to spend time with you.

Questions to consider:

• What do you enjoy doing the most (besides sleep!)?
• Who or what makes you laugh uncontrollably?
• How can you serve others more?
• What kind of service brings life to you?
• When you lay down to sleep and you reflect, what brings a smile to your face?
• Which relationships add joy to your life?
• With whom do you need to spend more time?
• If you were to never get married, how would you spend your time?

2) Value yourself.

If you don’t value yourself, don’t expect anyone else to value you. God has created all of us in His image and His likeness (Genesis 1:26) so you have an excellent foundation of significant value. With over 7.6 billion persons in the world, you are totally original and unique. Indeed, there has never been anyone like you in the past, anyone like you now or anyone like you to be born in the future. That being the case, you cannot be perfectly replaced.

“I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14

If you find yourself doubting your worth, here are some suggested action steps:

1. Set aside some extended time alone and ask the Holy Spirit to show you your positive blind spots.
2. Take a good look at yourself. What are your assets? What compliments do you receive about your personality or your skills or your physical attributes?
3. Ask loving family and friends to share with you what they enjoy about you; what makes you unique; and what benefits you bring into a relationship. If no one has anything good to say about you, then you either need new friends and/or you need some character changes.
4. Record all that you’ve learnt or rediscovered about yourself in the above points and thank God for them.
5. Plan to further maximize your strengths. For instance, if you learn that your smile is infectious, then make it a point to smile more even if you feel self-conscious about it.

If you are to be married, God will provide a man who will like and love the woman that you are. As such, you don’t need to pretend to be someone else. Simply allow your strengths to shine brighter and become a confident attractive woman!

3) Don’t waste your emotions on the wrong guy.

If you’re interested in a guy and you sense that he’s not that interested in you, leave him alone. Don’t waste your time. Of course, you can be friends with him, but don’t treat him more than a friend.

Too many single women waste their time and emotions on men who are not interested ENOUGH to pursue them. When the affection is not reciprocated, it affects their self-worth. Don’t even allow it to reach that far. I remember ‘Tom’. Nearly all my close female friends at the time told me that ‘Tom’ liked me. Eventually, I myself began to be convinced.

The problem with this situation is that ‘Tom’ never said anything directly to me. Important to note, he never clearly declared any interest in me. However, God brought a wonderful man who liked me ENOUGH to pursue me without the frustrating guessing game. It was beautiful! As a woman, you deserve to be pursued so don’t sell yourself short.

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Mark Twain

“Loving someone who doesn’t love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport.” ~ Unknown

4) Do a makeover.

We need to be practical as Christian women. When a woman feels good about her body and the way she looks, it affects how she walks, talks and her overall demeanor. Besides, our entire being is interconnected and it’ll be wise of us to pay attention to our physical beauty.

All of us have attributes that make us look beautiful. You may not be attractive to all men, but one man may be enthralled by your unique beauty. Therefore, the key is to discover and focus on what makes you feel beautiful. When you feel gorgeous in your own body, it will come across in your interactions with everyone, including men. Subsequently, you’ll become a confident attractive woman.

By the way, you don’t need to look like Miss Universe. Interestingly, beauty has more to do with how you feel about yourself. I have seen women who look quite the opposite to a ‘Miss Universe’ look and they are attractive. They take care of themselves and they exude a strong sense of confidence which is captivating.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What will make you feel more attractive?
• Do you like the way you look?
• Would a new hairstyle enhance your appearance?
• Is your wardrobe crying out for a makeover?
• Do you need to become fit?
• Which colors make you come alive?

In your makeover, please don’t start dressing scantily or sexily, because it screams ‘I’m desperate for male attention!’. Additionally, you risk attracting the wrong men. For more on this, read ‘6 Guys to Resist’.

Related article:

5 Rare Qualities Mature Christian Men Want

5) View single men as possible friends.

In the past, when a handsome guy came into my presence, it was my automatic response to immediately check his hand to see if there was a wedding band. Of course, I tried to look without being obvious!

I viewed every attractive eligible guy as a prospective partner for me. With a mindset like that, it was very difficult to focus on being just friends. Instead of being a confident attractive woman, I appeared desperate. I was preoccupied with questions like, ‘does he like me?’, ‘am I showing too much interest?’, ‘what did he mean when he said …?’, ‘how should I interpret when he did …?’ and on and on it went.

In short, I missed the whole point of knowing and loving my Christian brothers as fellow followers of Christ. As a result, it was very difficult to be myself around those guys. My ‘intense over-protective’ self overshadowed my ‘real enjoyable’ self. Needless to say, love did not blossom with any of those guys.

When next you meet a single guy that you might like, try to be interested in him as a friend. Think about him as a possible friend for life, and not as a potential mate. Whether or not he becomes your husband, you would have gained one more friend. Just as we don’t want men to be view us as sex objects, men also want to be valued for who they are and not merely marriage objects.

Questions to consider:

• How can I be a blessing to him?
• In what way can I best serve him as a sister?
• How can I encourage him?
• How can I pray for him?

6) Kill the marriage idol.

What is the absolute worst thing that can happen if you never get married? Ask yourself – “Would you lose your salvation? Would you be eternally unhappy? Would your parents disown you if you didn’t birth a grandchild?” To put it briefly, marriage is a temporary status that will soon be over. It will end when either partner dies. Is it worth it to be unhappy and discontent for something that is relatively short-lived in comparison to eternity?

Some years ago, I came to this point of surrender. If I never got married, I would be fine with being single for the rest of my life. Admittedly, it was not easy coming to that point. But afterwards, I started enjoying my single season once again without placing emphasis on getting married. I felt free! As a result, I became a confident attractive woman again. Even my relationships with men became healthier as my interaction with them changed. My focus was gaining a friend in a brother.

As a Christian, we need to continually hold everything in our lives with an open hand of surrender to God … even a good desire like marriage. I firmly believe that we should not allow anything or anyone (apart from God Himself) to have control over us. When you begin to realize that something or someone has an unhealthy hold on you, you need to take a step back and take an intentional break or implement limits.

Summary

In conclusion, you can cure desperation and become a confident attractive woman by following the above tips: getting a life; valuing yourself; not wasting your time on the wrong guy; doing a makeover; viewing single men as friends; and killing the marriage idol. This is not an exhaustive list, but those are the steps that I took to cure myself of desperation. Now, I’m married to a wonderful man who didn’t experience any desperate behaviour from me. Yippee!

I would love to hear your views on this matter. What makes a woman radiate with confidence? What has helped you on your journey to valuing yourself? Comment below and share your views. Subscribe and you’ll receive my weekly email tips on developing your relationships with God, yourself and with others. As a bonus, you’ll also receive your free ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You want to ask a question? Subscribe and email me that question at any time. I personally answer all emails. I hope you found this helpful. Thanks for stopping by!:)

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With love,

Kimberly

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The post Cure Desperation | 6 Tips to Become a Confident Attractive Woman appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Can a simple daily habit of journaling change your life?

Do you find yourself becoming short-tempered?  Are you becoming moodier and joyless?  But the thing is…you have no clue what is causing these emotions.

Sometimes, you can be so busy doing life, that conversations and events occur that disturb you and you’re totally unaware of their impact.  Slowly but surely, your joy begins to dissipate little by little.  

Next thing you know, you’re a little down in the dumps and you have no clue how or why it has happened.  You’ve lost touch with yourself.

To avoid the pitfalls of a super busy life with no time to think and no emotional self-awareness, you may want to consider journaling.  Without a doubt, journaling can help you to stay emotionally healthy as you take time to reflect.  

I began this practice a few years ago and it has made a world of difference in my own life. As a result, I generally feel happy and emotionally healthy!

Here are some reasons why you may want to begin journaling NOW:

1) Know and understand yourself .

Journaling will help you to be better acquainted with your emotions.   To write a journal entry, you will need to stop from all your activities, sit down, think and then write.

These simple steps are powerful in helping you to reflect on your day and be in touch with your thoughts and feelings.  

You can ask yourself the following questions:

• “What happened today for which I am thankful?”
• “How am I feeling right now?” (Happy, joyful, frustrated, sad, disappointed, anxious, satisfied, fulfilled, angry, jealous, resentful, etc.)
• “What events or conversations have influenced the emotions that I currently feel?”
• “Has someone wronged me?”
• “Did I hurt or offend someone?”
• “Who do I need to forgive today?” (The incident might have occurred today or in the past)
• “What help do I need from God?”
• “What is God saying to me?” (About His character, about yourself and/or about your circumstances)

These are not exhaustive.  You can ask yourself any question that comes to your mind. I’ve found that sometimes I cannot recall what happened during the day that made me feel wretched.

I’m only aware that my emotions are ‘off’. In those times, I immediately ask the Holy Spirit to show me and He comes to my rescue every time.

You cannot address an issue if it’s hidden. It needs to be brought into the light.

2) Dealing with toxic emotions.

By journaling, it will help to release pent up toxic emotions. Let it all out through your writing. I recommend journaling to God because I like writing to someone and I know He can handle it.  

No other human being needs to know. All of us have baggage, but it can get heavier and heavier as the days and years go by.

Deliberately unpack your baggage everyday. As such, daily journaling helps you to manage stress better. It will also help you to gain clarity concerning why you have those toxic emotions.

In time, you will begin to make connections. Who or what has caused them? Why are you feeling this way about what happened? What is the root cause of your reaction?

3) Healing and freedom.

When you begin to admit and release your hurts and pains through journaling, you will begin to feel better. Ten years after a failed engagement, it dawned on me that I had some unresolved hurt and anger.  

In the book “Love the Life You Live: 3 Secrets to Feeling Good Deep Down in Your Soul”, the Les Parrott recommends taking time to write about a disturbing experience.  

Subsequently, I took the time and penned a letter about how I felt. I was totally transparent as I wrote. Afterward, I discarded the letter, but it helped me to experience another level of healing.  

Research has shown that writing your feelings helps you gain freedom from the past. You can even address the letter to a person with whom there has been a grievance and then you can subsequently destroy it.

The contents of the letter will be between you and God. That’s the power of journaling in action!

4) Prevent you from hurting others

Sometimes you just want to vent, but venting directly to the person (the object of your frustration) may not be helpful at all.  Hence, it can severely hurt a relationship.

How many times have you wished that you had held your tongue when you were angry? When your senses returned, you realized that you made a big mistake. Let’s face it – words hurt and can do a whole lot of damage.  

Why don’t you try journaling about it instead? In that way, you get your emotions out without hurting someone else. Choose self-control instead and use another means to release your anger.

Proverbs 17:27-28 says, ‘the one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.’

If you still feel a need to express your feelings to the person, then ask God for wisdom on what you should say, how you should say it and when it should be done. Timing is crucial!

‘Even a fish wouldn’t get into much trouble if he would keep his mouth shut.” – Miscellaneous

5) Improve your ability to speak

Another benefit of journaling is that it will improve your ability to clearly articulate your thoughts when you speak. When you journal, you become more aware of your internal ramblings.

As you form your thoughts and feelings into words through your journaling, you will become a better oral communicator.

Do you have challenge with expressing your thoughts? Then, journaling might be a good starting point for your growth in this area.

6) Track your growth

You can have a good laugh or cry when you reread your past journal entries. In time, you can see how you’ve grown and changed. As such, your journal entries can serve as an encouragement to you.

Additionally, you will observe the ways in which God has answered your prayers.

7) Enhance your writing skills

This goes without saying …whatever you practice often, you will eventually master.  Think about how much easier it would be for you to write emails, reports, course assignments, etc.  

When I was doing the coursework assignments for my Masters degree, it was less stressful for me to produce hundreds of pages of academic writing because I had the habit of journaling daily.

8) Develop content for a blog or book

You never know how the content of your journals might be used for a future writing project (like a blog or a book). Your journals can earn you money in the future. Does an autobiography tickle your fancy?

9) Pass on a legacy

After you’ve passed from this life, your journals would probably be left behind. In essence, your journals can serve as an inspiration to your family, friends or even the world.  

For instance, “Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl” was the compilation of journal entries of a young Jewish girl during World War II. She never knew at the time of her writing, that her diary would later be a blessing to the world.

10) Internalize your learnings

When you write, your capacity for learning is greater. If you journal after you read or study the Bible, you’ll probably remember the lesson more. Not only will you be able to recall the essence of the story or principle, but it will likely cause a change in your mindset, your values and future actions.

Also, you can do a book journal. After you read a book, you can further solidify your learnings by journaling about the book.

Summary

Above, I’ve shared 10 reasons why the habit of journaling can change your life. There are many other compelling reasons for journaling beside those outlined.

It’s an extremely important tool to help you to debrief your day and stay emotionally healthy, along with the other awesome benefits. Read the article ‘10 Easy Tips to Start Journaling TODAY’ to make it an regular enjoyable habit.

Also, join my 21-day journal challenge and get your FREE journal printable.  Comment below and let me know if you have personally found journaling helpful and the reasons why you do it or why you would like to start doing it.  Let’s have a conversation.

Don’t forget to subscribe! You’ll receive your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire which is a good resource for your journal entries. Also, you will receive my weekly emails to help you in your journey with Christ.

As a subscriber, you can interact with me through email. I personally answer all emails.

I hope you find the rewards of journaling like I have. Happy journaling!

#madetolove

Subscribe, Comment, Share!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

“Love the Life You Live: 3 Secrets to Feeling Good Deep Down in Your Soul” by Les Parrott

“Anne Frank: The Diary of Young Girl” by Anne Frank

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 10 Life-Changing Reasons to Begin Journaling NOW appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You’re realizing that you’re with the wrong guy.  You know that you should end the relationship but you can’t imagine a future without him.  How do you even separate your intertwined lives? You honestly thought that he was the one that you were going to marry.

Unfortunately, heartbreak is an unavoidable evil of this life. We all make unwise decisions that will inevitably affect many others. Ending a relationship is very difficult, but it’s important to do it as soon as possible if you already know that he’s not the one for you. You can check out ‘6 Guys to Resist’ and ‘5 Truths Why You’re Still Single’. Here are some of the benefits for ending it now:

1. You’ll be able to move on quicker. You are wasting time (his and yours) when you continue to invest in a relationship that needs to end. Time is the most precious resource that we all have. Once time is gone, we can never get it back.
2. Both you and him can begin to heal before you both get ready for your future mates. Healing requires time and it cannot be rushed. Sometimes, it can take years to even realize the damage that has been done. After over 10 years of my first failed relationship, I realised that I had some serious rejection issues. Yes, it took me that long!
3. You can begin to work on the issues that contributed to your poor decisions. You need to discover your weaknesses and flaws and actively work on becoming a healthier person. If you don’t, it is quite likely that you’ll repeat the same mistakes in the future.
4. You will be making room for your future husband. You never know…he might actually be observing you right now.

I was in a relationship with a guy (‘Charlie’) for over 5 years that needed to end. I couldn’t imagine life without him. ‘Charlie’ was a good guy, but there were some aspects of the relationship that were not healthy at all. Deep down, I knew that it needed to end, but I didn’t want to end it. I remember talking with one of my friends who was seeing all the mess. He was advising me to open my eyes and put an end to the ‘madness’. I said to him, ‘you don’t think that God can change him?’ Ladies, we cannot be in love with the future version of a man.  Who knows when the change might come?! It might be when he’s on his last breath after 50 years of a stressful marriage! You don’t want to spend your whole married life in mourning and praying for your husband to change. We know that no one is perfect, but choose your battles very carefully (read ‘6 Guys to Resist’).

“There are many people who will stay in negative situations because it is familiar, rather than go where there is promise of something good, because that would be something unfamiliar” 
― Stormie Omartian, Lead Me, Holy Spirit: Longing to Hear the Voice of God

I have learned some important lessons when ‘Charlie’ and I broke up. If there was one thing we did well, it was that we ended the relationship well. Here are some tips that can help you as you end your relationship:

1) Pray

Although we see men as tough and strong, they have hearts that can hurt just like ours. If you know that you’re going to break up with him, pray that:

1. God will help him to deal with the breakup healthily.
2. God will heal his heart.
3. He may run to God to fill the void in his life.
4. God will help him to change in the ways that are unhealthy.

You can pray along similar lines for yourself. It’s always good to invite the prayers of other believers during this time. ‘The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective’ (James 5:16b).

2) Be direct

When you’re dealing with someone’s heart, it’s best not to ‘beat around the bush’.  You owe it to him to be as tactful as you can in expressing your desire to end it.  At that point in time, I wouldn’t recommend making any promises that there might be a possible re-establishment of the relationship in the future. You don’t know the future. As you develop, you will become a different person and if he remains unchanged, you may not be interested. Please note that if you’re in a very abusive relationship, you’ll need to take great precautionary measures when informing him of the break-up.

3) Set boundaries

When ‘Charlie’ and I entered our relationship, ‘Charlie’ said that if we were to ever break-up, we should have no contact for at least 6 months. I willingly agreed although I didn’t think we would ever break-up! This was one of the best and wisest decisions that we made. You often hear about couples who are ‘on again and off again’ repeatedly for years. That pattern happens because they continue to operate like they are in a relationship with each other. They see, call and message each other regularly. This type of behavior is emotionally draining to say the least.

Additionally, you might be the person who is certain that you don’t want to be with the other person. ‘Charlie’ might be hoping that one day, you’ll come back to him. When you remain in constant contact with your ‘Charlie’, you are not helping him to move on. He will remain hopeful that a ‘re-uniting’ is imminent. Later, when he hears that you’ve found the ‘love of your life’, he’ll be more devastated and heart-broken. Love him enough by helping him to move on as quickly as possible. Cut the communication channels for an extended time. This may sound harsh, but sometimes we need to take drastic measures to protect ourselves and others. How much time would you allow for no communication? After the time has elapsed, you can decide how much communicating you will do with him. If the relationship was highly abusive, you may want to stay away indefinitely.

4) Develop your relationship with God

During this difficult season, you want to focus more time in your relationship with God. The break-up will leave a void in your life and growing intimacy with Jesus is the best void-filler. You need His healing and deliverance. You’ll need His truth to uncover the issues that you must address. You’ll need His grace to go through this rough, trying period. You’ll need his wisdom and direction to take corrective action. You’ll need His strength to go through the difficult, stretching but needed growing pains. You simply need God! The process of growth is not easy but it’s necessary. Don’t take shortcuts:) An excellent resource that I’ve read is ‘Changes that Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’’ by Henry Cloud.

5) Surround yourself with family and friends

We are created for relationship. Oftentimes, God uses other humans in our healing process. You need your family and friends more than ever. Also, ask God for healthy female friends. My closest friends are female and it would be difficult to journey through life without them. Not all female friends are created equal so pray about it and proceed with faith and not fear in working on those relationships.

6) Work on developing you

After the break-up, you will have more time on your hands. Start dreaming again about the ‘new and improved’ you. What hobbies would you like to start? Which places would you like to visit? What new skill would you like to nurture? Exciting times are ahead for you!

As time passes, your heart will heal and the sting of the loss will become less and less. You’ll be glad that you took courage and ended the relationship sooner rather than later. During the initial extended time apart from him, work on yourself, your relationship with God and others. In the midst of the crying, you’ll also learn to laugh as you let God and others into your pain. My encouragement to you is to let go of fear and take steps of faith to end it now.

“Fear is the currency of oppression.” By Danielle Strickland

Journaling is a good practice when you end a relationship. It will help you to be aware of your emotions and let it all out on paper. Bottling up toxic emotions can never be healthy.  You’ll find that journaling will be therapeutic for you and assist you in coming to terms with all that’s happening. Read ‘10 Quick and Easy Tips to Start Journaling TODAY’. Join my 21-day journal challenge and get your FREE journal printable to start today.

What are some tips that you’ve found helpful in ending a relationship? I’d love to hear about your break-up experiences and the lessons that you’ve learnt. Please feel free to comment below. Your comment might be helpful to another woman. You can also share your fears about breaking up. I want to be there for you in your journey. Subscribe and get your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You will also receive my weekly email tips and be able communicate with me directly.

Subscribe, share and comment!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

‘Beating the Break-up Habit’ by Dick Purcell

‘Changes That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’’ by Henry Cloud

‘Changes That Heal Workwork: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’ by Henry Cloud

‘Lead me, Holy Spirit, Longing to Hear the Voice of God’ by Stormie Omartian

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 6 Tips to End a Relationship Well appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Could it be possible that your future husband is already in your life? Are you destroying your love life by having too many restrictions? You probably know several gentlemen who might make terrific husbands for you. That’s good news because you only need one!

As I wrote in the post ‘5 Truths About Why You’re Still Single’, I shared with you how I elevated my profession above all others. I felt that any man with a different profession was not even worthy of my consideration. In plain truth, I was not open. This close-mindedness was probably the biggest reason why I stayed single for so long.

Here are 5 guys to consider as future husbands:

1) The ‘Regular Church’ Guy

When I was growing up, anything church-related was equated to boring, especially the men. I pictured myself with a ‘bad boy’… a man who was rough, exciting, dangerous, mysterious, courageous and who had the world of experience, particularly in the sexual area.

Thank God that I didn’t marry younger until good sense prevailed! I think we can safely blame the media for characterizing ‘the bad guy’ as the most appealing guy.  But I assure you, that’s only in the movies.  

Real-life bad guys may leave you pregnant and alone; suffering from heart break because of abuse and neglect; and struggling with constant feelings of insecurity because you know he’s a player. I didn’t even mention sexual transmitted diseases. Is that the life you dreamed of as a little girl?

You want a happy stable home environment, so leave the drama for the movies. I know you don’t want a boring guy either. I personally like men who can lead; who have courage; who can take some risks; who are adventurous; and who can challenge me. Let’s not confuse true masculinity with a man who makes continually poor choices. In

“Bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

Why not consider the wholesome healthy guy who goes to church?  I am quite aware that there are church-going men who have all the religious talk but no depth of character. Stay away from those! Need help knowing if he’s worth your time, get my 7 Tips to Get to Know a Guy Better! 

You need someone who is intentionally growing in his relationship with God and the evidence of this is reflected in his conduct. Also, ask other persons about him. If he has a good testimony with others, then he’s a guy that you should consider as husband-material.

2) The ‘Less-Educated’ Guy

I know that some women may not even consider a man who has less formal education that herself. Attending a university does not define a person’s intelligence.  Undoubtedly, you want someone with whom you can have an intelligent conversation.

You may already know that some of the most successful persons in the world dropped out of college like Steve Jobs (Apple & Pixar), Bill Gates (Microsoft) and Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook). Therefore, you don’t need to ‘ex-out’ men who have not gone through the formal education system.

If you need to figure him out, get my 7 Tips to Get to Know a Guy Better plus access to my resource library (while it is free).

3) The ‘Not-Ideal-Career’ guy

It sounds good to say that my boyfriend or fiancé or husband is a doctor, attorney, professor, engineer, CEO and other affluent-sounding careers. However, a person’s actual occupation has very little bearing on the success of a marriage. Is your security and significance based on the occupation of the man who is beside you?

On the contrary, you need a husband who is hard-working; who loves you; who will make time for you and the children; who is growing to love God more; and putting first the building of God’s kingdom.

There are many good men out there who fit that description without the glamorous ‘titles’. Let your values be based on God’s Word and not on society.  We need to focus more on character than occupation. You’re marrying him and not his job. Fantastic future husbands can be found among every honest profession.

4) The ‘Earns-Less-Than-Me’ guy

How many houses can you live in at the same time? Why do we need a gigantic house and when we get old, we have to downsize because it’s just too much work to maintain? How much lobster can one eat?

Notwithstanding, money is very important so I would strongly recommend that you choose a man who has a legitimate income. However, you don’t need to be with a rich man in order to live comfortably.

If you already earn a decent salary, he’s not less of a man if he earns less than you. Some careers simply earn more money than others. You have to look at the depth of his character.  Hard-working disciplined men would make dependable future husbands!

These are some questions to ask:

• Is he a saver?
• Is he a spender?
• Does he know how to invest?
• Does he live above his means?

With some wise financial decisions, you both can secure a sound financial future. There are many people who earn very sizable salaries, but they are always broke because they spend more than they earn.  Hence, choose a financially wise man and not necessarily a man who just earns more than you.

5) The ‘Friend-Zone’ guy

This guy is your friend and you get along very well. However, you just can’t see yourself marrying him. The popular saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ can be aptly applied.   You want someone ‘new’ and ‘fresh’.

However, after the honeymoon phase of a relationship, you actually need a best friend. You need someone that you trust who has similar views and values; who is loyal to you; whom you enjoy; and who loves you unconditionally.  If this guy fits that profile, why not consider him as a potential husband? Don’t let the unrealistic views of Hollywood spoil a good thing. Otherwise, some other woman with eyes to see will come and swoop him up!

Close male friends might make good future husbands!

BONUS (Other Future Husbands)

You can also consider a man who is younger or older than you are. You need to know what you’re comfortable with, but I have not seen any age restrictions in the Bible. Depending on the age difference, you would have some challenges related to the age gap, so be sober in your decision-making. However, with communication, understanding and flexibility, it can become a great marriage.

Summary

Look around you with a “fresh” eyes and you just might be several great future husbands!

The world culture has impacted all of us. Our decisions on relationships has been influenced more by the world than the Word of God.  No wonder that so many Christian marriages are in trouble! You need to make a very sober decision about the man you will agree to marry.  

When next you review your husband list, measure it against the principles of God’s Word and the character of God. He will not lead you astray. If God hasn’t put a restriction, then be more open! Behind every successful man is a strong, wise, supportive woman. You can be that sort of woman.

What are your views? Is there any guy in your life that you’d like to reconsider? I would love to hear your opinions so please leave a comment below.

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Get my 7 Tips to Get to Know a Guy Better!!!

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“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

Recommended Books:

The Mark of A Man: Following Christ’s Example of Masculinity by Elisabeth Elliot

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul by John Eldridge

The New Eve: Choosing God’s Best for Your Life by Robert Lewis & Jeremy Royal Howard

Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliot

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