5 Types of Men to Keep at Arm’s Length

After being single for a while, desperation can ease its way into your heart. Principles that you once held dearly begin to slowly dissipate. I must warn you. Entering a relationship with any of the following men might give you more heartache than you bargained for. For some of them, you might have to wait a while until they are ready.

Here are 4 types of men to keep at arm’s length:

1) Full-of-issues Christian guy

I certainly would not recommend that you marry such a man. Just because a man says he’s a Christian, it does not necessarily follow that he’s a healthy growing Christian. God gives each of us many opportunities to grow. But oftentimes, it is easier to hold on tightly to our unhealthy mindsets and habits rather than engage in the uncomfortable process of growth and change. None of us is perfect, but we should be actively seeking to live a life of repentance and submission to Christ.

My recommendations:

• Pray for him in your personal times with God – that God would heal him; change him; and revive him.
• Encourage him with the Word of God when the opportunity presents itself. Please keep a healthy distance though because you do not want your heart to become entangled!
• Introduce him to your godly male friends and ask them to pray and help him to develop into the man that God wants Him to be.

2) Unbelieving guy

Dating or marrying an unbeliever is not an option for a single Christian woman who believes God’s Word and is desirous of having a God-honouring marriage that reflects the covenant relationship between Christ and the church. As such, here are some recommendations for protecting your heart and your testimony:

My recommendations:

• Seek to share the gospel with him, by your life and by your words.

• Connect him to mature Christian men to help him explore who Jesus is.

• Pray for him in your personal times with God – that God would touch his heart and that he would come to know Jesus Christ as His personal Lord and Saviour.

Please be wise and keep him at arm’s length until he has a growing relationship with Jesus, separate and apart from you. Don’t be falling in love with him!

3) Immature Christian guy

This category includes two types of men:

• The Recent Convert: While his newfound faith is wonderful, a recent convert needs time to solidify his relationship with Christ before taking on the responsibilities of leading a family. They need to focus on Jesus, not a romantic relationship.
• The Chronically Immature Christian: This is the man who has been a Christian for many years, but shows no significant spiritual growth. His life may not reflect his claims of faith.

My recommendation: 

For recent converts, Give this guy some space to grow. Encourage him to join a cell group or a small group where growing godly men are present. He needs to grow separate and apart from you!

For the chronically immature man, pray for him from a distance. Please do not enter a relationship with him. You cannot make a person grow more than he wants to grow. He must own his own growth and development as an adult. Don’t compromise your standards out of fear or scarcity or the pressure of time. God is sovereign and capable of bringing the right person into your life.

4) Separated-from-his-wife Christian guy

Under the law and under God, he’s still married. A man separated from his wife is still legally married and should not even make the effort to pursue another woman. Leave that man alone.

Let us honour marriages under every circumstance, including but not limited to the following reasons:

1. He is planning to get a divorce.
2. His wife was abusive.
3. He is unhappy with her.
4. His wife is not a Christian so he was “unequally yoked.” By the way, God honours all marriages!
5. She was unfaithful to him.
6. She has left him.
7. His divorce is in process.

Although it might be tempting to think that he’s single and available, he’s not. It doesn’t even matter the length of time him and his wife have been estranged, he’s a married man.

My recommendation: 

Do not become so desperate that you are willing to disobey God. Honour the sanctity of marriage. Trust God’s timing and choose obedience. Remaining single and obedient is always better than being disobedient to God, even if it feels like your “biological clock is ticking.”

“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:6

5) Spiritually-Arrogant-Christian Guy

Knowledge can puff up and that’s exactly what it was in 1 Corinthians 8:1. This is the man who boasts spiritual maturity and biblical knowledge, but lacks the humility of Christ. He may struggle with apologizing; admitting his own sinfulness; and will likely blame you for any marital issues … if you were to marry him.

In essence, he’s not willing to truly love and put others before himself. Believe me, there are many Christian marriages in trouble because some Christian husbands or wives have a lot biblical head knowledge, but it doesn’t translate to loving their spouses or children. Ladies, humility is a hallmark of a true follower of Christ.

My recommendation: 

While you can appreciate his knowledge and learn from him as a friend, marrying someone who lacks humility will lead to stress and unhappiness. Look for a man who embodies a servant’s heart, is teachable, and is willing to die to self for his wife and children.

Summary

It might be very tempting to want to rescue a man and to practice “evangelistic dating” or “therapy dating”, but resist that urge!

Women can have influence over a man, but I have found that men learn to be godly husbands and fathers by the example of other godly men in their lives. Men don’t need theory, but practical life-changing discipleship with other men.

“But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness.” Titus 2:1-2

“Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.” Titus 2:6-8

Is there any guy in your life that you need to place some healthy distance between you two so that you will not fall in love with him? Has someone caught your eye and you’re wondering if he’s a good fit for you?

To recap,

Here are 4 types of men to keep at arm’s length:-

• Full-of-issues Christian guy
• Unbelieving guy
• Immature Christian guy
• Separated-from-his-wife Christian guy
• Spiritually-Arrogant-Christian Guy

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

6 Guys to Resist

6 Tips to End a Relationship Well

How to Influence an Unbeliever Without Falling in Love with Him

Recommended Books:

The New Eve: Choosing God’s Best for Your Life by Robert Lewis

Givers, Takers And Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell

Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar

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