Why Submission Is Not a Dirty Word

Anna is the CEO. She runs things. As she ends her last call for the day, she starts thinking about that one conversation she and her fiancé Mark had with their pastor about pre-marital counseling… and that word kept coming up. Submission.

She almost laughed. She doesn’t submit to anyone! Her whole life is built on taking the lead, having the final word, being equal to—or better than—anyone else in the room. The thought of ‘submitting’ to a man, even a good man like Mark, makes her stomach clench. It feels like signing a contract to give up her power, to erase the woman she has fought so hard to become.

The word “submission” often carries a heavy, negative weight in today’s world. Many women, especially those with strong personalities or executive careers, fear it, seeing it as a surrender of equality or a path to being taken advantage of.

However, the Bible presents Christian submission not as a robotic duty or inferiority, but as a path to order, functionality, and protection—and most importantly, as a choice to honor Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24

As an executive-type of woman myself, I’ve learnt that submission is not awful at all! As a matter of fact, it’s quite freeing! From the wisdom of God’s Word and from my own personal experience, I will share with you the gems of biblical submission.

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband:

1. Submission Is Not Inferiority.

Submitting to a husband does not mean you are less than a man. The core of submission is functionality and order, not a matter of value. Submission was modeled by Christ. Jesus, who is the “image of the invisible God” (in Colossians 1:15) and equal with God, chose to humbly submit to God the Father, even to the point of dying on the cross. When I choose to submit to my husband, I am following the model of Jesus Christ.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” John 5:30 ESV

“And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.” John 8:29

Also, men and women have equal value. Both men and women are created equal in the image of God and therefore, we all have the same worth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV

Therefore, choosing to submit to your future husband does not diminish your worth in any form or fashion.

2. Submission is voluntary.

“Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-24

What does “subject” mean (or some translations use the word “submit”)?  Subject means to voluntarily relinquish your independent rights. Furthermore, a wife’s submission to her husband is not the same as a child obeying a parent or an employee obeying an employer. A husband cannot demand that you obey him because you’re not in a one-up one-down relationship with him. 

Let’s take Jesus’ example. Christ, in His own free will, chose to submit to the Father’s will, saying in John 5:30, ‘I can do nothing on my own… I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.’ “

You’re following the model of Christ—and that’s a position of immense strength, not weakness.

3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.

God has an order assigned to the family structure. It follows that a family will function better when God’s divine order is in operation. Let’s look around—you’ll see that this concept of order and structure, this act of yielding or submission, is actually evident everywhere in life! Children submit to parents; the Church submits to Christ; employees submit to their bosses; team members submit to the team leader; and all of us submit to our governing authorities. Order is important for all relationships and organisations to work well. Submission is an act of giving honor and respect so that we can all function optimally.

4. Mutual submission is biblical.

The Bible talks about mutual submission. 

“… Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 ESV

If we are all seeking to please God, and not ourselves, then we have to grow up and know that life does not revolve around us. If each of us has the mind to yield to one another, we would have much better relationships in the Body of Christ and in our Christian marriages.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How can God be glorified the most in this situation?
• Do I want my own way at the expense of others (your family, your team, your church, etc.)?

The world will not collapse if you don’t get your own way. 

In Hebrews 1:3, it says that “he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” However, if you cannot come to an agreement, yield to your husband and then bend your knee in prayer. You can NEVER EVER go wrong in praying to the Almighty God. Either God will change your mind; change your husband’s mind or change the situation. I’m a firm believer in the power of praying to God! You don’t need to resort to a temper tantrum like crying, screaming, yelling, whining or refusing to budge!

5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, .. ”Ephesians 5:22-25

A husband’s primary command is greater and more demanding because God has made him the head of the wife. God has given husbands the responsibility to protect and provide for their wives and their children. Our part is to submit to our husbands as they obey God to lead their families.

A godly man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even being willing to die for her. This is a man who recognizes his wife is an absolute treasure. God will hold him accountable for how he treats her. A godly husband is committed to loving and being obedient to the Lord. When you marry a man who truly loves God, he will try his best to love you and over time, he will get better at it! Submission is good because following God’s principles brings about blessings and protection.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the man you’re interested in:

• Is God’s character evident in his life?
• Does his conduct show love & humility?
• Does he have a mutually submissive attitude? 
• Does he love God and hate sin?

6. Submission has wise boundaries.

Submission never means submitting to sin or abuse. When you encounter a man who believes submission means you must disobey God in order to obey him, that is not biblical. His aim is to manipulate you for his own selfish gain. God is the Higher Power. Your first submission is always to God.

If your future husband commands something that is against the word of God—such as lying, abusive behavior, or immorality—you must choose to submit to God instead. Whatever you choose to submit to, it should line up with the Word of God and the character of God.

Before marriage, here are some warning signs:

• He’s okay with you lying about the relationship.
• He sees nothing wrong with being sexually active before marriage.
• He has become physically abusive to you. Healthy boundaries are protection. As you grow in health and healing in your walk with God, you will learn to set and protect proper boundaries with everyone—your boss, co-workers, and even your future husband. When you are a healthy person, people are less likely to take advantage of you.

7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

If you are a strong, executive-type of woman, becoming comfortable with submission starts at the very top, that is, surrender to God. The first battle is choosing to surrender your life to the Lordship of Christ and submitting to His word, His ways, and His will.

This is rooted in trusting that God is sovereign, in control, and wants the best for you. When you know God is for you, who can truly be against you?

Summary

Submission is not a weakness. It is an act of wisdom and faith, a choice that follows the model of Jesus Christ. Choose a man who is for God, so that he can be for you.

To recap,

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband, as explored in the Word and lived out in my personal experience:

1. Submission is not inferiority.
2. Submission is voluntary.
3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.
4. Mutual submission is biblical.
5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.
6. Submission has wise boundaries.
7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Proven Steps to Get Your Busy Life Under Control

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

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