When It is Your First Relationship EVER | 7 Sober Tips

“Owen” has confessed his interest in you and you like him too. Oh my goodness! You’re beyond excited, but it seems so scary at the same time.

You feel totally inexperienced in the area of romantic relationships. Sure, you’ve had crushes, but you’ve never ever been in a committed romantic relationship before. You don’t know what to expect.

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• What if you mess it up?
• What if he’s not God’s will for your life?
• What if he breaks your heart?

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Hopefully, you would have employed a few wise measures before you said “yes” to being in an official relationship with him. Check out the article, “5 Tests to know if He’s the One”.

Here are 7 tips when it is your first relationship EVER:

1) Take it easy and enjoy yourself.

Don’t allow yourself to be consumed with fear. If you sincerely believe that he’s “God-sent” and you both complement one another, then trust God to guide the entire journey. Allow him to really get to know the real you so that he can make an informed decision about marrying you. Even if you both think that you’ve heard from God, you still need to exercise your free will and actively and soberly choose one another. There should be no blaming God if things do not work out in the future.

2) Open your eyes and see his flaws.

He is not a perfect man. If marriage to him is on your agenda, then you must accept him as he is today (and not the man he has the potential to become in the future). Also, please be aware that some of his “strange” foibles will not be known prior to marriage. As a matter of fact, since we are all in the constant process of change, he might get a few new ones after years of marriage! This is why marriage lies on the foundation of a covenant.

3) Resist sexual indulgence.

Getting involved sexually will cloud your common sense judgment. If you get sexually involved with your boyfriend/fiancé, it will be extremely difficult to break up with him (if that should happen). When the hormone, oxytocin, is released during love-making, it causes you to bond with a man. You don’t know if your relationship will transition to a husband and wife relationship, so it is much wiser to stay away from it, along with the fact that God created sex ONLY for marriage.

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4) Don’t date/court in isolation.

Your biological family, church family and friends are there for your protection (or should be). Your choice of a mate will positively or negatively affect your family and close friends. As such, it is in your best interest to allow them to get to know him and give their feedback about him.

Also, try to get the feedback from several people whose opinion you trust. If we peruse reviews to determine our purchases, why don’t we seek reviews for a mate since marriage has far graver consequences than buying a dress that is ill-sized or a blender that has been falsely advertised?

There is a reason why we are called the “Body of Christ”. Simply put, we NEED one another to thrive individually and collectively. No big toe can function without the rest of the body. In my Western context, we seem to embrace the false notion that my decisions only affect me and it’s no one else’s business. This is true for minor decisions like the shade of your lip stick or your ill-matched blouse and skirt combination. However, all major life decisions, like your choice of a spouse, have far-reaching effects and consequences that you can ever imagine. Whether directly or indirectly, your decisions affect me and my decisions affect you. They are felt even more in your family.

If you met him online, bring the relationship into the physical space and intentionally be around other trusted family members and friends as soon as possible. You will save yourself a lot of possible heartache in the future.

5) You always have the option of breaking up.

Don’t be like me. Before I entered my first relationship, I said to myself, “My first and only boyfriend should be my one and only husband.” I trapped myself. Because of that mindset, I locked myself into an unhealthy relationship for five years. It wasn’t all bad, but it wasn’t God’s best for me either.

A boyfriend or fiancé is not equivalent to a husband. It is easier to break off a relationship with a boyfriend than with a husband. You are still single in the eyes of God. Therefore, if at any time, you feel that he’s not the man you want to marry, then PLEASE end the relationship as soon as you realise this (especially if abuse is involved). I repeat … He’s not your husband! You are not in a marriage covenant with him. Please don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise.

6) Focus on glorifying God in your relationship.

The main goal of a Christian relationship is to glorify Christ. If he’s a good man for you, then he should be drawing you to Christ and vice versa.
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Here a few ideas for a Christian couple:

• Spend time talking about Jesus and what Jesus means to you both.
• Discuss what the Lord is teaching you. (If the Lord is not teaching him anything (ever!), then that is a red flag.)
• Pray for each other’s requests.
• Discuss and even study the Bible together.
• Serve God together on a project.

7) Seek to understand his views on important topics.

This season is a time of investigation. When you spend time together, ask good questions so that you both can get to know one another better. When you discover less-than-ideal details about him, you need to determine if it’s a deal breaker or if you will willingly embrace the challenge that will accompany that “weakness” or annoying quality.

Examples:

If he has had a problem with porn (or still has), how will you proceed?

If you discover that he was a child who lives with his former girlfriend, what are you going to do?

If you find out that he’s stingy with money, what will you do?

If you find out that he was an actor in porn movies before coming to Christ, will you accept him and deal with the consequences?

If he has a strange odour, what are you going to do?

Summary

I’m truly excited fo you! I wish you the best in this new chapter of your life. Keep your head on and know that a successful marriage and a thriving family cannot take place in isolation. Hence, it’s very crucial that you do not date or court in secret. Secrecy and isolation can lead you to make a very poor decision of a mate. Also, please don’t allow yourself to be manipulated or guilted into a marriage! Blessings to you!

Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? What are some questions you may have? What are some of your concerns? Feel free to comment below!

To recap,

Here are 7 tips when it is your first relationship EVER:

1) Take it easy and enjoy yourself.

2) Open your eyes and see his flaws.

3) Resist sexual indulgence.

4) Don’t date/court in isolation.

5) You always have the option of breaking up.

6) Focus on glorifying God in your relationship.

7) Seek to understand his views on important topics.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

How to Get a Man to Open Up To You

What to do When You Like a Guy

Recommended Books:

Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar

The New Eve: Choosing God’s Best for Your Life by Robert Lewis

Givers, Takers And Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell 

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