Anna is the CEO. She runs things. As she ends her last call for the day, she starts thinking about that one conversation she and her fiancé Mark had with their pastor about pre-marital counseling… and that word kept coming up. Submission.

She almost laughed. She doesn’t submit to anyone! Her whole life is built on taking the lead, having the final word, being equal to—or better than—anyone else in the room. The thought of ‘submitting’ to a man, even a good man like Mark, makes her stomach clench. It feels like signing a contract to give up her power, to erase the woman she has fought so hard to become.

The word “submission” often carries a heavy, negative weight in today’s world. Many women, especially those with strong personalities or executive careers, fear it, seeing it as a surrender of equality or a path to being taken advantage of.

However, the Bible presents Christian submission not as a robotic duty or inferiority, but as a path to order, functionality, and protection—and most importantly, as a choice to honor Christ.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24

As an executive-type of woman myself, I’ve learnt that submission is not awful at all! As a matter of fact, it’s quite freeing! From the wisdom of God’s Word and from my own personal experience, I will share with you the gems of biblical submission.

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband:

1. Submission Is Not Inferiority.

Submitting to a husband does not mean you are less than a man. The core of submission is functionality and order, not a matter of value. Submission was modeled by Christ. Jesus, who is the “image of the invisible God” (in Colossians 1:15) and equal with God, chose to humbly submit to God the Father, even to the point of dying on the cross. When I choose to submit to my husband, I am following the model of Jesus Christ.

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.” John 5:30 ESV

“And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.” John 8:29

Also, men and women have equal value. Both men and women are created equal in the image of God and therefore, we all have the same worth.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27 ESV

Therefore, choosing to submit to your future husband does not diminish your worth in any form or fashion.

2. Submission is voluntary.

“Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” – Ephesians 5:22-24

What does “subject” mean (or some translations use the word “submit”)?  Subject means to voluntarily relinquish your independent rights. Furthermore, a wife’s submission to her husband is not the same as a child obeying a parent or an employee obeying an employer. A husband cannot demand that you obey him because you’re not in a one-up one-down relationship with him. 

Let’s take Jesus’ example. Christ, in His own free will, chose to submit to the Father’s will, saying in John 5:30, ‘I can do nothing on my own… I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me.’ “

You’re following the model of Christ—and that’s a position of immense strength, not weakness.

3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.

God has an order assigned to the family structure. It follows that a family will function better when God’s divine order is in operation. Let’s look around—you’ll see that this concept of order and structure, this act of yielding or submission, is actually evident everywhere in life! Children submit to parents; the Church submits to Christ; employees submit to their bosses; team members submit to the team leader; and all of us submit to our governing authorities. Order is important for all relationships and organisations to work well. Submission is an act of giving honor and respect so that we can all function optimally.

4. Mutual submission is biblical.

The Bible talks about mutual submission. 

“… Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 ESV

If we are all seeking to please God, and not ourselves, then we have to grow up and know that life does not revolve around us. If each of us has the mind to yield to one another, we would have much better relationships in the Body of Christ and in our Christian marriages.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How can God be glorified the most in this situation?
• Do I want my own way at the expense of others (your family, your team, your church, etc.)?

The world will not collapse if you don’t get your own way. 

In Hebrews 1:3, it says that “he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” However, if you cannot come to an agreement, yield to your husband and then bend your knee in prayer. You can NEVER EVER go wrong in praying to the Almighty God. Either God will change your mind; change your husband’s mind or change the situation. I’m a firm believer in the power of praying to God! You don’t need to resort to a temper tantrum like crying, screaming, yelling, whining or refusing to budge!

5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, .. ”Ephesians 5:22-25

A husband’s primary command is greater and more demanding because God has made him the head of the wife. God has given husbands the responsibility to protect and provide for their wives and their children. Our part is to submit to our husbands as they obey God to lead their families.

A godly man is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church, even being willing to die for her. This is a man who recognizes his wife is an absolute treasure. God will hold him accountable for how he treats her. A godly husband is committed to loving and being obedient to the Lord. When you marry a man who truly loves God, he will try his best to love you and over time, he will get better at it! Submission is good because following God’s principles brings about blessings and protection.

Here are some questions to ask yourself about the man you’re interested in:

• Is God’s character evident in his life?
• Does his conduct show love & humility?
• Does he have a mutually submissive attitude? 
• Does he love God and hate sin?

6. Submission has wise boundaries.

Submission never means submitting to sin or abuse. When you encounter a man who believes submission means you must disobey God in order to obey him, that is not biblical. His aim is to manipulate you for his own selfish gain. God is the Higher Power. Your first submission is always to God.

If your future husband commands something that is against the word of God—such as lying, abusive behavior, or immorality—you must choose to submit to God instead. Whatever you choose to submit to, it should line up with the Word of God and the character of God.

Before marriage, here are some warning signs:

• He’s okay with you lying about the relationship.
• He sees nothing wrong with being sexually active before marriage.
• He has become physically abusive to you. Healthy boundaries are protection. As you grow in health and healing in your walk with God, you will learn to set and protect proper boundaries with everyone—your boss, co-workers, and even your future husband. When you are a healthy person, people are less likely to take advantage of you.

7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

If you are a strong, executive-type of woman, becoming comfortable with submission starts at the very top, that is, surrender to God. The first battle is choosing to surrender your life to the Lordship of Christ and submitting to His word, His ways, and His will.

This is rooted in trusting that God is sovereign, in control, and wants the best for you. When you know God is for you, who can truly be against you?

Summary

Submission is not a weakness. It is an act of wisdom and faith, a choice that follows the model of Jesus Christ. Choose a man who is for God, so that he can be for you.

To recap,

Here are the key truths about happily submitting to your future husband, as explored in the Word and lived out in my personal experience:

1. Submission is not inferiority.
2. Submission is voluntary.
3. Submission is about divine order evident throughout life.
4. Mutual submission is biblical.
5. Submission is much easier if you choose a godly husband.
6. Submission has wise boundaries.
7. Submission begins with submitting to God.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

5 Proven Steps to Get Your Busy Life Under Control

Top 5 Attractive Qualities Single Men Want

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

“The Fascinating Girl”  by Helen Andelin

“Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs

“Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite

The post Why Submission Is Not a Dirty Word appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Adultery among Christians happens. As a single Christian woman, what can you do to not commit adultery with your male married friend?

I was reading a post by a single Christian woman on Christian social media group and the responses were very interesting. The wife of her male best friend has asked her to stop sending regular private messages to her husband. The young lady is feeling hurt by the wife’s request.

Most of the responses were:

• The wife is insecure.
• The couple is having marital problems so she shouldn’t feel rejected and hurt by the wife’s request.
• She is more attractive than the wife so the wife must be jealous. (It should be noted that the people responding have no clue what the wife looks like).
• The young lady believes that the wife is being sexist. If she were a man, she would have had no problem with the husband’s private texting with his best friend.

Committed followers of Jesus do not plan to commit adultery.

A heterosexual male will not be attracted to another man, so there is certainly no need for a wife to worry about marital unfaithfulnesses with another man. On the other hand, a friendship with a female friend can very well mature into a romance!

We have enough examples throughout history to support this. So please do not be naive about your friendships with your married male friends.

Adultery can creep up on you.

Adultery happens subtly. For the most part, it happens between two people who already know one another – a co-worker, a boss, a high school sweetheart who has reconnected with you, your friend’s husband, your married pastor, etc. The privacy of communication through a cell phone makes it easier than ever before to build intimacy without anyone knowing. Undoubtedly, adultery starts long before any sexually act occurs.

“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 ESV

You may not be romantically interested in married man now, but under the “right” circumstances, it is actually possible to fall in love with a married male friend (or vice versa) and commit adultery.

Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” 1 Corinthians 10:12

Solution: Implement boundaries now.

When you can think soberly, put proper boundaries in place.

Here are 7 reasons to implement boundaries to not commit adultery:

1. Protect your Christian witness.
2. Protect the marriages of those in your life.
3. Prevent you from falling when you feel vulnerable and tempted to give into your fleshly desires. This also applies to your close male friend.
4. Ensure that you do your part to ensure that the marriages around you are the strongest that they can be.
5. Give no suspicion of marital infidelity to the children involved. This can really traumatise and damage children.
6. Protect the trust between the husband and wife and the resulting security that trust produces in a marriage.
7. Strengthen your relationship with your friend’s wife.

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Here are 6 tips to not commit adultery with your married male friend:

1. Encourage him to be best friends with his wife.

When a couple marries, they should be moving toward oneness in every area of their lives. The relationship between the man and the woman should be the most intimate relationship in each of their lives. Hence, it should take precedence over every other relationship whether it be with a parent, a child, a sibling or a former best friend.

Therefore, it follows that a move toward oneness would mean that they should become each other’s best friend in time. As such, if your male best friend gets married to another woman, it is important that you take a “back seat“.

2. Limit your private communication with your male friend.

At times, you may need to talk with your male friend one-to-one. It might be necessary work-related conversations; a birthday call; a checking-up-on-you call because you care about your friend; tech advice, etc. However, when regular private calls begin to last for hours and the conversations morph into sharing deeply about struggles; issues that either of you are facing; or problems with his wife; then you need to take a step back.

At this point, encourage him to talk with his wife, his brother, his sister, his spiritual leader, a coach, a brother or even a counsellor. For certain, help him to move toward his wife and not you. Please do not think that you’re the only one in the entire world that he can trust with his issues.

3. Try to become closer friends with his wife.

Focus your energy into befriending your friend’s wife. When you call the house, ask to speak with her first from time to time. Take an interest in her and secure her trust. She must feel and know that you are for her and for him. If this is proving difficult, pray about it and ask God to give you wisdom in navigating such a friendship with her. Undoubtedly, the wife should not feel that you are her competition … in any way!

4. Limit the times you are alone with him.

You are not a super Christian. Too many Christians naively place themselves in harm’s way and think that they are stronger than they really are. Then, they fall! If you have more than an ounce of admiration for him and he thinks highly of you, it is better to limit your times when it’s just two of you alone together.

Now, even is he is your friend and there is no attraction whatsoever, it is still wise to protect your Christian witness. Contrary to what some Christians believe, you do not live for yourself alone. Life is not about you. Your choices will impact what others think about Christ. As such, others are looking at your life to decide if Christ makes a difference or not.

“So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil.” Romans 14:16 ESV

‘For, as it is written, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”’ Romans 2:24 ESV

For instance, my deceased pastor left his office door opened when he was counselling. This measure was to safeguard his character, the character of the person being counselled and ultimately, the name of Christ. Never once was it said that he behaved inappropriately with anyone. He gave no opportunity for the anyone to assassinate his character or the mighty name of God.

5. Dress appropriately.

I don’t know if we, women, understand the extent of a man’s natural inclination to become sexually aroused by a woman’s body… simply by looking. Since we are not men, it is difficult for us to sympathise and restrict our sensual desire to show the world our shapeliness and our sexiness. After-all, “why men cannot control themselves?.” But God understands (since He made the male man), so He made it very clear in His Word that we should dress modestly.

“… likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10

Therefore, if you truly love your male friend and you want to protect his marriage, please dress modestly. Instead, “adorn yourself with good works.”

Suppose you get invited to spend the night at your married friend’s house, here are some practical tips:

1. Leave your sexy revealing lingerie and see-through silky robe at home.
2. Don’t go from the bathroom to the guest room wrapped in your towel.
3. Don’t seek to have alone time with your male friend. Make it a family affair. Include his wife in the conversations.
4. Watch your mannerisms and bury any flirtatious inclinations that you might have toward men in general.

Behave in a manner that you would expect from a female invited guest around your future husband.

6. Discern if attraction is developing.

You’re a woman and he’s a man. Attraction could develop. If you sense that you’re becoming attracted to a married man, reduce your interactions with him until you can handle those emotions well. Don’t fool yourself under any circumstances.

On the other hand, if you sense that he’s becoming attracted to you, then put some distance between you two. Just because he’s married, it doesn’t mean that he will not be attracted to another woman ever again in life.

Summary

As Christians, we must daily die to self to glorify Christ in our lives. It is not easy, but very possible and satisfying when we choose to act in the highest interest of our married friends. You may not plan to commit adultery, but it can happen if you’re not careful.

Instead of saying, “I wish I had”, I hope you’ll be saying, “I’m glad I did.” Implement these boundaries and you’ll have a good chance of not committing adultery and protecting the marriages around you.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

In what ways can you protect the marriages around you? Comment below!

To recap, here are 6 tips to not commit adultery with your married male friend:

1. Encourage him to be best friends with his wife.
2. Limit your private communication with your male friend.
3. Try to become closer friends with his wife.
4. Restrict the times you are alone with him.
5. Dress appropriately.
6. Discern if attraction is developing.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

When He Loves Someone Else – 7 Clever Tips to Move On

When Your Best Friend Gets Married | 6 Tips to Keep Your Friendship Alive

When Your Ex Boyfriend Has a New Girlfriend | 7 Tips to Cope Well

Recommended Books:

Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough to Protect It by Jerry B Jenkins

Secret Keeper: The Delicate Power of Modesty by Dannah Gresh

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post How to Not Commit Adultery with Your Male Friend appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Here are the top 3 tantalizing temptations that single women face:

​1) Temptation 1: Marrying a non-believer.

A hard-working intelligent ambitious drop-dead gorgeous guy may enter your life. There’s only one problem. He’s not a Christian. But the good thing is that he will respect your religion.  The end goal of life is not to marry. Rather, it is to love God with our entire being which translates into obedience.

​
​“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. “ John 14:15

Here is what usually happens …

First, you start off with wanting a husband who walks securely and intimately with Christ. Then, as you realize that no such man is pursuing you, you might be drawn to the man who bears some resemblance of being religious OR someone who will respect and tolerate your beliefs in Christ.

An unbeliever comes in many shapes and sizes, but they are all still square pegs trying to fit into your round hole. You can force it, but in the end, you will realize it wasn’t the best choice. Take it from me, singleness is better than disobeying God and marrying an unbeliever. It is not in your best interest (or his!).

Confession: I did date an unbeliever once and he was mighty “fine”.

​2) Temptation 2: Having sex before marriage.

Yes, you have sexual needs. You’re wondering, “Why would God make you a sexual being if He didn’t want you to have sex?”  He definitely wants you to have sex – when you are married!  His order is marriage and then sex. Undoubtedly, God has designed sex for married couples to experience oneness.

You do not need to “fuse” with any man other than your husband (in the security of a covenant relationship).

As a single woman, He has given You His grace and the self-control to keep pure through the power of His Holy Spirit. Regardless of your past sexual experiences, God can keep you if and when you say, “I do”.

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18

Your sexual desires might have already been awakened to varying degrees based on what you have seen, thought or acted upon. The enemy has waged a war against our purity and has taken a good footing on the mind and experiences of Christians, starting from a very early age.

However, God desires our purity because He is pure and holy. With the help of His Holy Spirit and the Word of God, you can conquer every temptation to indulge in any form of sexual sin. I personally can attest to the power of God in being able to choose purity. Even if you have already engaged in sex in some form, you can choose to abstain until you get married. If you never get married, God can sustain you. God’s grace and power is real and available to you.

3) Temptation 3: Having a child before marriage (for unmarried singles with no children).

(If you unintentionally had a child before marriage, then is not to make you feel guilty. Provide the best for the child you have!)

You’re getting older and you want a child. Another temptation single women face is the urgency to have a child before her child-bearing days end. Currently, there are alternatives to having a child without having sexual relations with a man, with the added bonus of selecting your “ideal” sperm donor.

However, you need to also ask the following questions:

• Is this God’s order?
• Is it in your best interest?
• Will this action glorify God?
• Is it the most loving thing you can do for a child?

​
God doesn’t give commands and establishes order because He’s bored and has nothing else to do with His time. He does it because He is wise, loving, intelligent, and purposeful. I know many wonderful single Christian mothers, but each one would prefer that there was a godly loving husband to play a significant role in fathering the child.

Why men are important in families …

Parenting was never designed to be one way by one parent. It is tough when a parent has died. For a child to lose a parent because of death is heartbreaking enough. But for a child to grow up without a father who is alive and well, but very absent is inconceivably grievous and agonizing for a child. No amount of justification will be able to help a child to fill that hole in his/her own soul.

For the most part, children blame themselves for the absence of their biological father.  Let’s not do this to God’s precious creation on purpose. Although a single mother can try her very best to be an exceptional parent, she will never ever be able to take the place of a father who is absent.

Also, you need a husband for your own sanity. Many mothers with young children often comment that they cannot even go to “pee” in privacy! Taking a simple shower is likened to a spa…. a rare opportunity to be pampered.

You are doing yourself a major injustice to willingly have a child before marriage. Please love yourself (and the child) enough to refrain!

Why we need fathers …

This issue is gaining traction as society loses sight of the importance of fathers in the family unit. God has a purpose for every institution He has created including the family. Just as a woman cannot have a child without the sperm of a man, the child cannot be fully healthy without the presence and input of a loving father.

Father-figures can be helpful, but children would always question the absence of their own biological father.  The best thing you can do for a child is to give him/her a father who is actively involved in his/her life. A man gives more than a sperm.  A father gives stability, correction, courage, confidence, wisdom, value to a girl/woman, strength to a young boy/man and the list goes on. A father’s role will never become insignificant and no mother, however well-meaning or loving she is, can replace a child’s father.

Suggestion: How about being like Amy Carmichael (a single Christian missionary) and use your natural nurturing strength to mother orphans?

I probably stepped on some toes here!

Summary

You do not have to give into those temptations. I encourage you to surrender your singleness to God and allow Him to add value to this powerful and purposeful season. It is possible to be content; wait on God’s timing; and submit to His plan for your life. His desire will always be to provide you with a full and meaningful life (John 10:10). Will you trust His heart toward you? I pray that you will do! You will not regret it.

To recap, here are the top 3 tantalizing temptations that single women face:

​1) Temptation 1: Marrying a non-believer.

2) Temptation 2: Having sex before marriage.

3) Temptation 3: Having a child before marriage (for unmarried singles with no children).

Among the three temptations that I mentioned, which do you think is the most seductive? What do you think are some other temptations single women face? Comment below!

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

Should You Consider Marrying an Unbeliever?

6 Reasons Why Virginity is STILL Wonderful

The post Top 3 Tantalizing Temptations Single Women Face appeared first on Petals Bloom.