Help! It’s controlling me!

You keep getting drawn back into that habit. You tell God that you’ll never do it again. But that promise is short-lived. Can you beat porn addiction?

You’re ashamed of your behavior, but you can’t seem to stop it. After each episode, you end up feeling disgusted because you gave in yet another time. You plead for God’s forgiveness, but within days (or hours), you’ve entered the cycle of pleasure-guilt-shame-confessing your sin. You go back again and again.

Are you now plagued for life by this uncontrollable habit?

It’s affecting your ability to concentrate; your relationships; your motivation to work and study; and even your desire for marriage is beginning to wane. Spending time with God is becoming joyless. Why would God even want to hear from you in this sinful state? You’re just fed-up of disappointing God.

“I’ve put an end to it but these images keep haunting me.“

Or perhaps, you’ve successful stopped looking at all pornographic stimuli (videos, books, movies, social media, etc). You’ve kicked that habit but sexually impure thoughts and fantasies keep invading your mind. Instead of looking at porn, you’re creating porn in your mind. You wonder, ‘will this battle ever end? Is it possible to beat porn addiction forever?’

God wants the best for us.

We live in a world that makes light of these issues. To adopt the world’s laissez-faire attitude about sex and sex-related matters, will only lead us into bondage and unhappiness. However, for every growing Christian, our standard is holiness and purity in our body as well as in our minds. 1 Peter 1:16 says, ‘For it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.’

God can help you to fully beat porn addiction and every other form of sexual addiction, whether it is hardcore porn, soft porn, sexually impure thoughts, masturbation or anything that contradicts God’s character of holiness. As a matter of fact, He’s the one who has placed the desire in you to beat porn addiction. Not only has he placed in you the desire for holiness, His power is also available to you.

“For it is God who works in you to WILL and to ACT according to his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13

In order to beat porn addiction and other sexual addictions, you need a multi-prong approach. It should involve spiritual, social, mental, emotional and physical dimensions.

Here are 10 practical tips to help you to beat porn addiction and other sexual addictions:

1) Admit that you have a problem.

This might be the hardest step, but it is very crucial. Before, you can get any help, you first have to confess that you have a problem. Denying or making excuses will leave you in bondage.  Also, it is tempting to compare ourselves with others, but that is always unhelpful when it comes to life change. Our standard is God and no other human being.

I was a virgin when I married and my first kiss was at the altar after we were pronounced husband and wife. Did I consider myself sexually pure? No way!

Your excuses may sound like these:

• “It’s not so bad.”
• “Everyone is doing it.”
• “It’ll show me what to do when I get married.”
• “I’m not harming anyone.”
• “It’s better than not having actual sex.”
• “I will not get pregnant.”
• “Since I’m not married, it’s okay to meet my sexual needs in this way.”
• “Who’s going to know about it?”
• “This is the absolute last time.”
• “It’s not a sin.”

“People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

2) Be real with God.

Many times in life, we are aware of our problem, but it’s simply sweeter to continue in our sin. Sexual addiction is so enticing. Intellectually, we know that we need help, but we’re just not ready to be obedient to God. God is well acquainted with our struggles and as such, it’s just better to be honest with Him. One of my mentors taught me the importance of just telling God where we are at and asking for His help.

It’s a simple prayer: ‘Lord, I’m not willing, but help me to be willing.’

I would also recommend praying daily for God’s strength to resist all forms of sexual temptations and ask Him to fill your needs. With the Almighty’s help, you can beat porn addiction.

3) Rely on the power of the Holy Spirit.

You can promise to God that you’ll never to it again a thousand times more, but you will end up doing it again and again. The truth is that you need the power of God’s Holy Spirit who is in the life of every true believer. Religion cannot help anyone in truly overcoming sexual impurity.

‘“Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!” (which all refer to things destined to perish with use) – in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? There are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.” Colossians 2: 21-23

Your will power is insufficient for a complete deliverance. When I finally gave up trying to overcome in my own strength, I began to confess to God that I needed the empowerment of His Holy Spirit to overcome. Ladies, that made a world of difference in overcoming sexual impurity.

4) Know your identity in Christ.

For some strange reason, I falsely believed that the enemy had power over me in this area. Then, God revealed the truth about my identity in Christ after reading Neil Anderson’s ‘Victory Over the Darkness’. It was like a wall of deceit came crumbling down over my life. I had gotten a lot of victory previously, but understanding who I am in Christ, completely broke the remaining lies that continued to keep me in bondage.

“Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.” John 17:17

“But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, [18] and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.” Romans 6:17-18

5) Renew your mind by memorizing and meditating on the Word of God.

The Word of God is of utmost importance in your fight to overcome any form of sexual addiction. Praying your own words is good, but praying the Word of God is infinitely better. In Ephesians 6:20, it is written that the sword of the Spirit is the Word of God.

“Your Word have I treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You.” Psalm 119:11

About twelve years ago, I started memorizing Scriptures more diligently. This habit has changed my life in so many ways. It has increased my faith; fueled my prayers; strengthened my convictions; and deepened my love for God.

In order to overcome your sexual addictive habits (or any other undesirable habit), you need to form new habits. Why not make scripture memorization and meditation one of them? You will not regret it. Allow God’s Word to go from your head to deep in your heart where it will transform your entire being. When the desire to engage in sexual activity comes, you can train yourself to bounce those thoughts and replace with God’s Word.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

6) Disclose to a trusted friend.

As long as your habit continues in secrecy, you will probably remain in bondage. For some people, an accountability friend is the missing link in their deliverance from sexual addiction.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16

It is certainly a frightening step, but a necessary one. Ask God to show you the person with whom you can openly share your struggle. Also, I would recommend choosing a fellow Christian sister.

You want someone who will be:

• Confidential.
• Pray for you.
• Encourage you to be like Christ.
• Make time to keep you accountable.
• Be firm when needed.
• Celebrate with you when you make progress.
• Ask you the hard questions when you meet.

“Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

7) Be radical.

How badly do you want this freedom? If you’re absolutely sick and tired with being a slave to your sexual addictive habit, you will need to be radical and run from anything or anyone that opposes your deliverance.

“If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Matthew 5:29-30

Here are some options that you might want to consider:

• Take a break from social media if it triggers your appetite.
• Block friends (in real life or social media) who post or encourage you to engage in any form of porn.
• Install anti-porn software on your devices.
• Place a block on porn sites.
• Position your mobile device or computer so that others can see what you are viewing.
• Destroy any material with sexually explicit content.

“Do not enter the path of the wicked and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by it; turn away from it and pass on.” Proverbs 4:14-15

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23

8) Fill your life with meaningful relationships, purposeful work and physical exercise.

God

The most important relationship is your relationship with God. Instead of running from God, run to Him instead. It doesn’t matter how awful your sin is, He loves you unconditionally and wants to set you free.

Friendships and community

In a person’s search for intimacy, they seek out porn. It’s simply a very poor substitute for real human relationships. Joining a physical community and becoming actively involved will be worth your time and effort. You need deep relationships where you can be known, accepted and loved. Of course, you need to do the same for others for the relationships to be healthy.

Serving others

Volunteer your time and skills to serving others. It will add significance to your life and kill boredom.

Physical exercise

Exercise helps to reduce stress levels and it can also be an avenue for making friends. Join an exercise group or a dance class. Get that blood pumping!

9) Understand the triggers and make a plan to deal with them.

You need to understand yourself. What external and internal triggers your habit? What are the root causes? Keeping a journal may help you to record your thoughts, actions and progress. Check out ‘10 Easy Tips to Start Journaling Today’.

Here are the most common triggers:

• Boredom
• Sexy images on social media
• Stress
• Oversleeping (this was mine!)
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Tiredness
• Loneliness
• Anger
• Hunger
• Emotional wounds
• Escape from reality
• Sadness
• Fear
• Abuse

What are the entry points in your life?

Check out ‘Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your Life’.

When do you engage in the habit?

• You’re home alone.
• You stay up late.
• Before you go to bed.
• During lunch time at work.

How often do you view porn?

• Hourly
• Weekly
• Monthly
• Once in a while

Now that you understand yourself a little better, you need to take preventative measures.

Examples:

• If it usually happens on a Saturday when you’re free, you may schedule activities like exercising; learning a new skill; going out with friends; or visiting an orphanage.
• If you’re working on a highly-stressful project and you use porn as a coping mechanism on Friday evenings, maybe you can plan to spend time with friends and family on Friday evenings at the beginning of the week.

10) Be patient and celebrate your growth.

A person can be set free immediately, but I suspect that for most of us, it will take months and even years. The results may not come quickly enough for you, so you need to be patient with yourself. The good news is that you will eventually see light at the end of this dark destruction tunnel.

Your total freedom will come in bits and portions. It is quite normal to experience relapses, but you will notice that the relapses will occur less frequently as your brain forms stronger neural pathways to new healthier habits and weaken the pathways to the former destructive habits.

“If the porn habits are not reinforced, they will eventually disappear. Your brain can create new pathways for a new and healthy habit.” www.fightthenewdrug.org

Learn to celebrate your progress. God is at work in your life, even when you are clueless.

In summary…

Anything that controls us as Christian women, apart from the Holy Spirit, is never good news.

Freedom is sweet and is worth the effort! You can experience total freedom from anything that enslaves you.

You can beat porn addiction as you implement some of the above tips, namely, admitting that you have a problem; being real with God; relying on the power of the Holy Spirit; knowing your identity in Christ; renewing your mind by memorizing and meditating on the Word of God; disclosing your problem to a trusted friend; taking radical steps; filling your life with meaningful relationships, purposeful work and physical activity; understanding the triggers and making a plan to deal with them; and finally, being patient and celebrating your growth.

Need further help?

If you’re still not experiencing any progress over time, you may need to see a therapist who specializes in this area.

I’d love to hear your own views on the matter. What tips would you give to someone who is struggling with porn addiction or any other sexual addictions? Comment below so that other women could be helped as well. Subscribe and you will receive your free printable ‘12 Powerful Scripture Passages to Help Break Addiction’ that you can memorize. You’ll also receive weekly emails to help you develop your relationship with God and with others. Thanks for stopping by!

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Related article:

Porn and the Single Christian Woman | 10 Ways It Can Destroy Your life

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended books:

‘Victory Over the Darkness: Realize the Power of Your Identity in Christ’ by Neil Anderson

‘The Bondage Breaker: Overcoming Negative Thoughts, Irrational Feelings and Habitual Sins’ by Neil Anderson

‘The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About’ by Josh Mc Dowell

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

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Can a simple daily habit of journaling change your life?

Do you find yourself becoming short-tempered?  Are you becoming moodier and joyless?  But the thing is…you have no clue what is causing these emotions.

Sometimes, you can be so busy doing life, that conversations and events occur that disturb you and you’re totally unaware of their impact.  Slowly but surely, your joy begins to dissipate little by little.  

Next thing you know, you’re a little down in the dumps and you have no clue how or why it has happened.  You’ve lost touch with yourself.

To avoid the pitfalls of a super busy life with no time to think and no emotional self-awareness, you may want to consider journaling.  Without a doubt, journaling can help you to stay emotionally healthy as you take time to reflect.  

I began this practice a few years ago and it has made a world of difference in my own life. As a result, I generally feel happy and emotionally healthy!

Here are some reasons why you may want to begin journaling NOW:

1) Know and understand yourself .

Journaling will help you to be better acquainted with your emotions.   To write a journal entry, you will need to stop from all your activities, sit down, think and then write.

These simple steps are powerful in helping you to reflect on your day and be in touch with your thoughts and feelings.  

You can ask yourself the following questions:

• “What happened today for which I am thankful?”
• “How am I feeling right now?” (Happy, joyful, frustrated, sad, disappointed, anxious, satisfied, fulfilled, angry, jealous, resentful, etc.)
• “What events or conversations have influenced the emotions that I currently feel?”
• “Has someone wronged me?”
• “Did I hurt or offend someone?”
• “Who do I need to forgive today?” (The incident might have occurred today or in the past)
• “What help do I need from God?”
• “What is God saying to me?” (About His character, about yourself and/or about your circumstances)

These are not exhaustive.  You can ask yourself any question that comes to your mind. I’ve found that sometimes I cannot recall what happened during the day that made me feel wretched.

I’m only aware that my emotions are ‘off’. In those times, I immediately ask the Holy Spirit to show me and He comes to my rescue every time.

You cannot address an issue if it’s hidden. It needs to be brought into the light.

2) Dealing with toxic emotions.

By journaling, it will help to release pent up toxic emotions. Let it all out through your writing. I recommend journaling to God because I like writing to someone and I know He can handle it.  

No other human being needs to know. All of us have baggage, but it can get heavier and heavier as the days and years go by.

Deliberately unpack your baggage everyday. As such, daily journaling helps you to manage stress better. It will also help you to gain clarity concerning why you have those toxic emotions.

In time, you will begin to make connections. Who or what has caused them? Why are you feeling this way about what happened? What is the root cause of your reaction?

3) Healing and freedom.

When you begin to admit and release your hurts and pains through journaling, you will begin to feel better. Ten years after a failed engagement, it dawned on me that I had some unresolved hurt and anger.  

In the book “Love the Life You Live: 3 Secrets to Feeling Good Deep Down in Your Soul”, the Les Parrott recommends taking time to write about a disturbing experience.  

Subsequently, I took the time and penned a letter about how I felt. I was totally transparent as I wrote. Afterward, I discarded the letter, but it helped me to experience another level of healing.  

Research has shown that writing your feelings helps you gain freedom from the past. You can even address the letter to a person with whom there has been a grievance and then you can subsequently destroy it.

The contents of the letter will be between you and God. That’s the power of journaling in action!

4) Prevent you from hurting others

Sometimes you just want to vent, but venting directly to the person (the object of your frustration) may not be helpful at all.  Hence, it can severely hurt a relationship.

How many times have you wished that you had held your tongue when you were angry? When your senses returned, you realized that you made a big mistake. Let’s face it – words hurt and can do a whole lot of damage.  

Why don’t you try journaling about it instead? In that way, you get your emotions out without hurting someone else. Choose self-control instead and use another means to release your anger.

Proverbs 17:27-28 says, ‘the one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.’

If you still feel a need to express your feelings to the person, then ask God for wisdom on what you should say, how you should say it and when it should be done. Timing is crucial!

‘Even a fish wouldn’t get into much trouble if he would keep his mouth shut.” – Miscellaneous

5) Improve your ability to speak

Another benefit of journaling is that it will improve your ability to clearly articulate your thoughts when you speak. When you journal, you become more aware of your internal ramblings.

As you form your thoughts and feelings into words through your journaling, you will become a better oral communicator.

Do you have challenge with expressing your thoughts? Then, journaling might be a good starting point for your growth in this area.

6) Track your growth

You can have a good laugh or cry when you reread your past journal entries. In time, you can see how you’ve grown and changed. As such, your journal entries can serve as an encouragement to you.

Additionally, you will observe the ways in which God has answered your prayers.

7) Enhance your writing skills

This goes without saying …whatever you practice often, you will eventually master.  Think about how much easier it would be for you to write emails, reports, course assignments, etc.  

When I was doing the coursework assignments for my Masters degree, it was less stressful for me to produce hundreds of pages of academic writing because I had the habit of journaling daily.

8) Develop content for a blog or book

You never know how the content of your journals might be used for a future writing project (like a blog or a book). Your journals can earn you money in the future. Does an autobiography tickle your fancy?

9) Pass on a legacy

After you’ve passed from this life, your journals would probably be left behind. In essence, your journals can serve as an inspiration to your family, friends or even the world.  

For instance, “Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl” was the compilation of journal entries of a young Jewish girl during World War II. She never knew at the time of her writing, that her diary would later be a blessing to the world.

10) Internalize your learnings

When you write, your capacity for learning is greater. If you journal after you read or study the Bible, you’ll probably remember the lesson more. Not only will you be able to recall the essence of the story or principle, but it will likely cause a change in your mindset, your values and future actions.

Also, you can do a book journal. After you read a book, you can further solidify your learnings by journaling about the book.

Summary

Above, I’ve shared 10 reasons why the habit of journaling can change your life. There are many other compelling reasons for journaling beside those outlined.

It’s an extremely important tool to help you to debrief your day and stay emotionally healthy, along with the other awesome benefits. Read the article ‘10 Easy Tips to Start Journaling TODAY’ to make it an regular enjoyable habit.

Also, join my 21-day journal challenge and get your FREE journal printable.  Comment below and let me know if you have personally found journaling helpful and the reasons why you do it or why you would like to start doing it.  Let’s have a conversation.

Don’t forget to subscribe! You’ll receive your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire which is a good resource for your journal entries. Also, you will receive my weekly emails to help you in your journey with Christ.

As a subscriber, you can interact with me through email. I personally answer all emails.

I hope you find the rewards of journaling like I have. Happy journaling!

#madetolove

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With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

“Love the Life You Live: 3 Secrets to Feeling Good Deep Down in Your Soul” by Les Parrott

“Anne Frank: The Diary of Young Girl” by Anne Frank

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 10 Life-Changing Reasons to Begin Journaling NOW appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You’re realizing that you’re with the wrong guy.  You know that you should end the relationship but you can’t imagine a future without him.  How do you even separate your intertwined lives? You honestly thought that he was the one that you were going to marry.

Unfortunately, heartbreak is an unavoidable evil of this life. We all make unwise decisions that will inevitably affect many others. Ending a relationship is very difficult, but it’s important to do it as soon as possible if you already know that he’s not the one for you. You can check out ‘6 Guys to Resist’ and ‘5 Truths Why You’re Still Single’. Here are some of the benefits for ending it now:

1. You’ll be able to move on quicker. You are wasting time (his and yours) when you continue to invest in a relationship that needs to end. Time is the most precious resource that we all have. Once time is gone, we can never get it back.
2. Both you and him can begin to heal before you both get ready for your future mates. Healing requires time and it cannot be rushed. Sometimes, it can take years to even realize the damage that has been done. After over 10 years of my first failed relationship, I realised that I had some serious rejection issues. Yes, it took me that long!
3. You can begin to work on the issues that contributed to your poor decisions. You need to discover your weaknesses and flaws and actively work on becoming a healthier person. If you don’t, it is quite likely that you’ll repeat the same mistakes in the future.
4. You will be making room for your future husband. You never know…he might actually be observing you right now.

I was in a relationship with a guy (‘Charlie’) for over 5 years that needed to end. I couldn’t imagine life without him. ‘Charlie’ was a good guy, but there were some aspects of the relationship that were not healthy at all. Deep down, I knew that it needed to end, but I didn’t want to end it. I remember talking with one of my friends who was seeing all the mess. He was advising me to open my eyes and put an end to the ‘madness’. I said to him, ‘you don’t think that God can change him?’ Ladies, we cannot be in love with the future version of a man.  Who knows when the change might come?! It might be when he’s on his last breath after 50 years of a stressful marriage! You don’t want to spend your whole married life in mourning and praying for your husband to change. We know that no one is perfect, but choose your battles very carefully (read ‘6 Guys to Resist’).

“There are many people who will stay in negative situations because it is familiar, rather than go where there is promise of something good, because that would be something unfamiliar” 
― Stormie Omartian, Lead Me, Holy Spirit: Longing to Hear the Voice of God

I have learned some important lessons when ‘Charlie’ and I broke up. If there was one thing we did well, it was that we ended the relationship well. Here are some tips that can help you as you end your relationship:

1) Pray

Although we see men as tough and strong, they have hearts that can hurt just like ours. If you know that you’re going to break up with him, pray that:

1. God will help him to deal with the breakup healthily.
2. God will heal his heart.
3. He may run to God to fill the void in his life.
4. God will help him to change in the ways that are unhealthy.

You can pray along similar lines for yourself. It’s always good to invite the prayers of other believers during this time. ‘The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective’ (James 5:16b).

2) Be direct

When you’re dealing with someone’s heart, it’s best not to ‘beat around the bush’.  You owe it to him to be as tactful as you can in expressing your desire to end it.  At that point in time, I wouldn’t recommend making any promises that there might be a possible re-establishment of the relationship in the future. You don’t know the future. As you develop, you will become a different person and if he remains unchanged, you may not be interested. Please note that if you’re in a very abusive relationship, you’ll need to take great precautionary measures when informing him of the break-up.

3) Set boundaries

When ‘Charlie’ and I entered our relationship, ‘Charlie’ said that if we were to ever break-up, we should have no contact for at least 6 months. I willingly agreed although I didn’t think we would ever break-up! This was one of the best and wisest decisions that we made. You often hear about couples who are ‘on again and off again’ repeatedly for years. That pattern happens because they continue to operate like they are in a relationship with each other. They see, call and message each other regularly. This type of behavior is emotionally draining to say the least.

Additionally, you might be the person who is certain that you don’t want to be with the other person. ‘Charlie’ might be hoping that one day, you’ll come back to him. When you remain in constant contact with your ‘Charlie’, you are not helping him to move on. He will remain hopeful that a ‘re-uniting’ is imminent. Later, when he hears that you’ve found the ‘love of your life’, he’ll be more devastated and heart-broken. Love him enough by helping him to move on as quickly as possible. Cut the communication channels for an extended time. This may sound harsh, but sometimes we need to take drastic measures to protect ourselves and others. How much time would you allow for no communication? After the time has elapsed, you can decide how much communicating you will do with him. If the relationship was highly abusive, you may want to stay away indefinitely.

4) Develop your relationship with God

During this difficult season, you want to focus more time in your relationship with God. The break-up will leave a void in your life and growing intimacy with Jesus is the best void-filler. You need His healing and deliverance. You’ll need His truth to uncover the issues that you must address. You’ll need His grace to go through this rough, trying period. You’ll need his wisdom and direction to take corrective action. You’ll need His strength to go through the difficult, stretching but needed growing pains. You simply need God! The process of growth is not easy but it’s necessary. Don’t take shortcuts:) An excellent resource that I’ve read is ‘Changes that Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’’ by Henry Cloud.

5) Surround yourself with family and friends

We are created for relationship. Oftentimes, God uses other humans in our healing process. You need your family and friends more than ever. Also, ask God for healthy female friends. My closest friends are female and it would be difficult to journey through life without them. Not all female friends are created equal so pray about it and proceed with faith and not fear in working on those relationships.

6) Work on developing you

After the break-up, you will have more time on your hands. Start dreaming again about the ‘new and improved’ you. What hobbies would you like to start? Which places would you like to visit? What new skill would you like to nurture? Exciting times are ahead for you!

As time passes, your heart will heal and the sting of the loss will become less and less. You’ll be glad that you took courage and ended the relationship sooner rather than later. During the initial extended time apart from him, work on yourself, your relationship with God and others. In the midst of the crying, you’ll also learn to laugh as you let God and others into your pain. My encouragement to you is to let go of fear and take steps of faith to end it now.

“Fear is the currency of oppression.” By Danielle Strickland

Journaling is a good practice when you end a relationship. It will help you to be aware of your emotions and let it all out on paper. Bottling up toxic emotions can never be healthy.  You’ll find that journaling will be therapeutic for you and assist you in coming to terms with all that’s happening. Read ‘10 Quick and Easy Tips to Start Journaling TODAY’. Join my 21-day journal challenge and get your FREE journal printable to start today.

What are some tips that you’ve found helpful in ending a relationship? I’d love to hear about your break-up experiences and the lessons that you’ve learnt. Please feel free to comment below. Your comment might be helpful to another woman. You can also share your fears about breaking up. I want to be there for you in your journey. Subscribe and get your FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire. You will also receive my weekly email tips and be able communicate with me directly.

Subscribe, share and comment!

With love,

Kimberly

Recommended Books:

‘Beating the Break-up Habit’ by Dick Purcell

‘Changes That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’’ by Henry Cloud

‘Changes That Heal Workwork: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You’ by Henry Cloud

‘Lead me, Holy Spirit, Longing to Hear the Voice of God’ by Stormie Omartian

“Petals Bloom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.”

The post 6 Tips to End a Relationship Well appeared first on Petals Bloom.

What should you do? You don’t have to be bored to death with your life. In fact, the single years can be the most fun and exciting time of your life filled with purpose and adventure.

However, we need to be careful what kind of fun we have. God has given us free choice, but some choices will be unprofitable in the long run. They will leave you with a “whole heap” of headaches (literal and figurative).  

“Variety is the spice of life” (An old adage)

Here are 10 fun ideas to kill boredom:

1) Socializing.

My number one suggestion is hanging out with friends and/or family.  In Trinidad & Tobago, it is fondly referred to as ‘liming’… eating, talking, and laughing.  It might be good to gather a few single friends and form a hang-out ‘crew’.  There are so many options, but here are a few to consider:

Some ideas:

• Plan a picnic;
• Have a potluck feast where everyone brings a dish;
• Go to a restaurant (no cooking required).
• Visit friends.  
• Go to the movies, show, theatre, theme park, etc.
• Try a fun sport together;
• Organise a monthly games night (and while you’re at it, invite some single Christian guys! *smile*).
  

For example, my housemates and I started having themed “Games Nite” once per month. It became quite popular as a Friday night social event and people began attending from all over the country!

Choose people who you enjoy. It should be a time of enjoyment and not punishment:). Socializing can surely kill boredom.

2) Reading or listening to books.

For some of you, this might not sound like fun, but give it a try.  This is my personal favorite hobby. Are there books that you’ve been ‘dying’ to read but it just has not happening?  You can use your free time to just sit back, get your favorite beverage and read or listen to a book.  Here are a few suggested books:

Fiction

• “Blessed Child“ by Bill Bright and Ted Dekker
• “Chronicles of Narnia” (series) by C.S. Lewis
• “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austin
• “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee

Biographies or Autobiographies

• ”Death of a Guru: A Remarkable True Story of One Man’s Search For Truth” by Rabí R. Maharaj
• “The Hiding Place” by Corrie Ten Boom
• ”Harriet Tubman: The Moses of Her People” by Sarah H. Bradford, Jim Hodges, et. al.
• ”William Tyndale”

Relationship with God

• The Holy Bible
• The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence
• The Incomparable Christ by J. Oswald Sanders
• More Than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell

Inspirational

• Strong Women, Soft Hearts by Paula Rhinehart
• Brokenness, Surrender and Holiness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
• Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye by Carolyn McCulley
• The Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortlund

Relationship with men

• Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
• 10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men by Sabrina Alexis and Eric Charles
• Finding the Love of Your Life by Neil Clark Warren
• Building a Relationship That Lasts by Dick Purnell

Growth and Wholeness

• Changes that Heal by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald
• Victory Over the Darkness by Neil Anderson
• Margins by Richard Swenson

Sex-related

• The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex by Josh McDowell
• Sex and the Soul of a Woman by Paula Rhinehart
• The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn
• Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

Money-related

• Five Wealth Secrets by Craig Hill
• The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason
• The Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn
• Living Large: How to Live Well Even on a Little by J. Raymond Albrektson

Leadership

• Leadership Coaching by Tony Stoltzfus
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
• The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. Covey
• The Performance Factor: Unlocking the Secrets of Teamwork by MacMillan

Passing your time with a good book will surely help to kill boredom.

3) A Weekend Get-Away.

This sounds like paradise!  You don’t necessarily have to leave the country, but try to leave your home. At least once a year, it’s healthy to set aside time to get away from all the busyness of life.  

You can use it to invest in your relationship with God and/or to de-stress. Also, you can also try a ‘Silence & Solitude’ retreat and unplug from all distractions.  If you’re like me and you don’t feel comfortable going to a strange place by yourself, then take along a friend or relative who has the same agenda of ‘getting away’.  

4) Enjoy nature.

How about taking a trip to the mountains or the beach or a river or a nature reserve?  Hike, bike or walk and enjoy God’s creation. Or just stay at home and enjoy what you have around you. I love to sit in our porch, look at the trees, listen to the birds, and just think.  It’s very refreshing!

5) Traveling.

I have travelled to over thirty countries within the last nine years and it has been fabulous! Nine out of ten times, I was alone.

You can travel to visit family or friends or simply go site seeing on your own. Solo travel seems to be becoming more popular and companies are beginning to offer packages to meet the needs of the growing number of singles traveling alone.

6) Get in touch with your creative side.

You can rediscover that childhood creative streak that has been buried for some years.  I used to love doing crafts when I was younger.  Maybe this year, I will find a craft project to re-energize that creative part of me.  What about you? Are there any activities that you haven’t done in a while that gives you life?

Some suggestions:

• Craft Project
• Baking
• Painting
• Writing a song
• Coloring
• Playing a musical instrument

7) Volunteer.

One thing that is always in short supply is a good labourer. The world is ripe with opportunities to serve children, the elderly, the homeless, or refugees.  Without a doubt, you have gifts that you can use to bless someone.

The need to alleviate human suffering is great globally. Gather a few friends and have an outreach or join someone else who is actively involved in bringing love, hope and cheer. You’ll definitely kill every ounce of boredom in your life!

8) Create a bucket list.

What are some things that you’d absolutely love to do before you leave this earth?  Would you like to travel the world, help with the refugee crisis or go skydiving?

While you’re single, this is the time to try to accomplish those things.  One of my desires was to visit Australia and I did that a few years ago. It was worth the longgggggg flights.

9) Babysit.

There is never a dull moment with children in your life. Kill boredom instantly! Invite your nephews and nieces (biological or not) to your home for a day or two.  Their parents might be super grateful for the help.

You can give the children a time of their lives that they will remember for years to come.  “Susan” was babysitting my friends’ two children.  I was passing by and to my surprise, she made hot chocolate, baked chicken wings, pineapple chow, pizza and some other goodies.  

Furthermore, a tent was erected in the living room furnished with a sleeping bag, pillows, a plant (haha) and a projector for watching Netflix.  They also had a list of fun activities for the night. I was blown away. “Susan” was having just as much fun as the children! Lol

Here are some ideas for entertaining children:

• Play board games.
• Read books to them.
• Watch a movie together.
• Bake or cook with them.
• Take them to a park or zoo.

10) Learn a new skill or begin a new hobby.

There are countless online courses now.  Check out Youtube, Udemy, Teachable, SkillsShare or LinkedIn to name a few to learn a new skill.  There might also be free or cheap courses offered in your country.

Do some research and you never know what you might discover.  Join an art class, dance lessons, cooking course or photography course. You’ll kill boredom and you never know who you might meet in the process! Hmmmm:)

Related articles:

5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful 

5 Crazy Things People Say to Single Women

10 Fantastic Ideas When You Are Stuck At Home

Summary

I’m sure you can come up with other ideas yourself.  The key to enjoying your singleness to the max is to be intentional. What are some activities that have helped you to enjoy this season?  Please comment below. Your ideas just might interest someone else.

Remember to subscribe, like and follow.  Get your copy of the FREE ‘Know Yourself’ questionnaire.  As you wrestle with some of the questions, you might discover the gem that you are and also areas in your life that may require some attention. I’ve been getting a LOT of good feedback from the 21-day journal challenge. It’s not too late. You can join today! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

With lots of love,

Kimberly Garth

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The post 10 Fun Ideas to Kill Boredom From Today! appeared first on Petals Bloom.

You just saw on social media that another one of your friends is getting married. Last week, you went to your younger cousin’s wedding.

Then you begin to think, ”Is something wrong with me?.”  You look in the mirror and you see an attractive, intelligent woman with an incredible sense of humor.  

Moreover, you’re a woman who loves God and is seeking to pursue him with all your being. But yet, you believe that God has withheld this one thing that you’ve longed for since you were a little bitty girl … a husband and a family.  Why Lord, why? And why me?

I have felt this way too.  There are no easy answers. Regardless of our unmet desires, God will always be loving, wise and good. In my own journey as a single woman, I’ve discovered why it can be beautiful.

Here are five compelling reasons why singleness is beautiful:

1) FOCUS.

Purpose

You can focus fully on your purpose without distractions.  From what I hear and observe from married couples, a wife’s focus moves toward her family.  Right now, your focus is primarily on “you”.

God

You can have uninterrupted time with God.  You can start praying from as early as 4am and no one may be inconvenienced by lights, praying out loud, singing, walking around or however you choose to spend this time.

Dreams

You can have focus on life-long dreams.  At times, a spouse may have to relinquish (partially, fully or temporarily) some dreams that may negatively affect the marriage.  Far too many persons run after their dreams to the detriment of their family life.

Self-development

You have to time to work on yourself.  I absolutely love to learn! Being single, you certainly have more time for self-development and hobbies.  You can study and pursue degrees and courses to your heart’s delight.

2) FREEDOM.

Easy to relocate

You have the freedom to live in another country for work, study.  You can simply decide to leave your job or take up a foreign assignment.  No discussion, no questions asked… buy your ticket, have a farewell party, pack your bags and fly out!  Living in another country for an extended time is something that I would recommend to all singles. I lived in Jamaica for over three years and it was fantastic!  The experience changes you for the better.

Less stress

The movies don’t tell you this, but successful enjoyable marriages require a lot of hard work.  I’ve heard it said that the number one enemy of a good marriage is selfishness. As a single, life is a piece of cake in comparison.  You can have a peaceful home with no arguments if you live alone. You kick off your shoes, eat some dinner and take it easy. You don’t have to participate in the hobbies of your spouse.  You don’t have to be concerned with pleasing your spouse by how you look. You can cook your food the way you like it.

More for you

You can have the entire bed to yourself.  You can sprawl your little or voluptuous body across the entire bed if you so choose.  As a matter of fact, if you’re small like me, just buy a small bed and save yourself some money! lol

Hobbies

You can indulge in your hobbies as much as you want.  If you love to read (like me), you can spend whole days reading and not be bothered by anyone. The sky’s the limit!  You can travel the world with little complications.

3) FLEXIBILITY.

Work

You can work overtime without guilt.  Single career women often find themselves working late.  (not that I’m suggesting this practice, but I am simply stating reality).  If you work a lot from home like me, you can find yourself working very long days late into the night.  Whenever you feel like stopping, then you stop. If you’re married and you wish to be happily married, you need to have a cut off time to give attention to the needs of your family.

Decision-making

You don’t have to discuss your plans with a spouse.  If you want to socialize with your colleagues after work, you simply do that.  You can spend visit friends and family for prolonged periods. You can go anywhere you want to.  No questions asked.

4) FEWER OBLIGATIONS

Sex

You don’t have to meet anyone’s sexual needs.  As a single Christian woman who embraces sexual purity, you wouldn’t have to be available for sex since you have no husband.

Less ‘mandatory’ chores

You don’t have to cook if you’re not in the mood.  There is no spouse or children to think about. Even cleaning is optional but I wouldn’t recommend that:)  I prefer a clean orderly home.

Money

You can spend money or save or invest your money as you see fit.  You can splurge on your favorite gadgets or clothes or be a miser.  You can cook smaller portions and save money. Also, your food might last longer!  

5) FRIENDSHIPS & FAMILY

Build strong friendships

You have more time to focus on friendships.  Cultivating strong friendships take time. My closest friends are married so it was easier for me to spend the night by them.  

Babysitting

I’ve spent countless days nights babysitting friends’ children.  If I were married, I do believe that would not have been possible.  You can spend more time with nephews and nieces. From my biased judgement and observation, we single ladies make the best aunties!  Why? Because we have time, energy and probably money to indulge the children…play games, cook, bake, take them out, etc.

Elderly

A lot of single women are the ones who take care of their elderly parents.  I have three older single second female cousins and they are the ones who care for my three great aunts.

“One great temptation of singleness is an unrelenting self-focus. We need to be reminded to look outside of our circumstances and ourselves.”  by Carolyn McCulley

Related articles:

Summary

Let’s be real.  Marriage is awesome but being single also has its advantages.  Life is simply less complicated. It affords focus, freedom, flexibility with fewer obligations and the greater opportunities to invest in family and friends.  

What are your reasons for being thankful as single Christian woman?  I’d love to hear your comments! Don’t forget to subscribe!:) You will also receive a FREE Know Yourself Questionnaire as an added bonus.

Bloom where you are planted!!! Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

Like, share & subscribe!

With love,

Kimberly Garth

Recommended Books:

“Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye” by Carolyn Culley

“Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman” by Anne Ortlund

“Let Me be a Woman” by Elisabeth Elliot

“Strong Women Soft Hearts” by Paula Rhinehart

“Singled Out for Him” by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

The post 5 Compelling Reasons Why Singleness is Beautiful appeared first on Petals Bloom.