How do you deal with situations where men see you only for the job you do or the degrees you hold, rather than simply seeing you as a woman they can pursue for marriage?
As a woman with two degrees and a strong personality, I understand this challenge firsthand. It can be frustrating when you feel your ambition is a barrier to a godly, loving marriage. However, while some men might be intimidated, there are secure men out there willing to pursue you. Let’s break down the realities of the dating pool, why some men hesitate, and practical tips that actually work.
The Three Types of Men You Will Meet
BE THE RIGHT WOMAN FOR THE RIGHT MAN!
Ever feel like you don’t know what a godly man is looking for in a wife? Our Irresistible Godly Woman Checklist will give you clear insights so you can stop guessing and start preparing … while reaching your full potential as a single Christian woman.
When navigating the dating world as an educated, career-oriented woman, you will generally encounter three types of men. Understanding who they are will save you a lot of time and heartache.
| Type of Man | Characteristics | The Verdict |
| Insecure Ian | He feels he cannot lead a woman who is more educated or earns more than him. His own insecurities prevent him from seeing your value. | Walk away. Do not try to change his mind; let him be. |
| Open-Minded Owen | He is open to marrying an ambitious woman, but he has reservations. He may have dealt with overbearing, career-driven women in the past who left a bad taste in his mouth. | Give him a chance. With the right approach and character, his mind can be changed. |
| Lazy Lenroy | This is the opportunist man who will use you. He will want you to work hard and provide for him, while he just relaxes and takes it easy through life. He is a lazy man! | Run far and run fast. If you were to lose your capability to provide for him, he will, more than likely, leave you. |
| Secure Unperturbed Shawn | He is used to being around successful women. He isn’t threatened by your career and will base his pursuit entirely on your character and compatibility. | The Goal. He is looking for a partner to build a life with, regardless of titles. |
Why Men Might Hesitate to Pursue You
It is easy to assume a man isn’t pursuing you simply because he is intimidated by your success. While that is true for “Insecure Ian,” it is not the only reason. Here are a few candid truths why a good man might be keeping his distance from you:
He wants peace at home: A diligent man deals with stress all day. Why would he want a wife who brings tension, constantly needs to win arguments, or puts others down? Most men, especially more mature men, long for a peaceful home.
He has seen poor examples: If you remind him of a bossy, executive-type woman who made his life difficult in the past, he may steer clear away from you.
You appear to have no room for him: If you are constantly busy, always on your phone, and rushing from project to project, a man will assume you have no room in your life for a relationship or a family.
Your reputation precedes you: Whether in church, at work, or among friends, people talk. If you have a reputation for being quarrelsome, arrogant, or treating people poorly, a man might be aware of these character flaws and decide not to even attempt to pursue you.
Career, educated women, like myself, can get married to an awesome godly man! Read on …
Here are 8 Essential Relationship Tips for Ambitious Career Women:
Your education will not make your marriage great; your character will. If you have a strong personality, you have to be wise in how you relate to men. Here are eight tips that completely transformed my own love life:
1) Find your identity in Christ, not in your career.
Your significance does not come from your income, your titles, or the countries you have visited. These things are temporary gifts from God. Instead focus on growing in the fruit of the Spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. – Galatians 5:22
Now, imagine if a man were to meet a woman( for instance you) who is bearing fruit in these areas?!?!
2) Bring joy and peace to those around you.
A wise man wants to know his life will be better with you in it. Be someone whose company is genuinely enjoyable.
3) Embrace healthy submission.
Practice submitting to God’s will and to the healthy authorities in your life right now. Resist the urge to wear rebellion as a badge of honor. It is indeed beautiful and powerful when we learn to submit to one another.
“… giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” – Ephesians 5:20-21
4) Become a cheerleader.
With your friends, especially your male friends, try not to constantly pointing out what is wrong or how things could be improved by your “better” ideas. Start applauding others and speaking well of them behind their backs.
5) Be teachable.
How do you react to constructive feedback? A willingness to learn and grow is a highly attractive trait.
6) Keep your accomplishments humble.
In the early stages of a relationship, you don’t need to impress him by boasting about your academic or career achievements or your recent corporate awards. Let him discover your brilliance slowly from you. If he finds out through other means, then so be it. However, humility will look good on you.
7) Enjoy serving others.
I had two recent encounters at an event. Two young ladies indicated, in very clear terms, that they were only interested in eating the food and not sharing the food although help was needed. In contrast, I was at another meeting and a young lady simply got up and helped to share the hostess to share the food.
Just because you are an expert in your field, it does not mean everyone else must serve you. Pick up a plate; help out at an event; and mirror the joyful humility of Jesus.
8) Learn to understand men.
Learn how to communicate with respect and encourage the men in your life. As you move up the corporate ladder, your interactions with men might have changed. Perhaps, you might find yourself having to fight for your suggestions to be taken seriously. You might even find yourself talking harshly to a male co-worker.
I remember as a leader, one of my male co-workers made a mistake and I lost my patience with him. The Holy Spirit immediately convicted me and I apologised to him. Since then, I have not spoken to him in that manner. Over time, I came to understand men a lot more and disrespecting a man is an absolutely “no no”.
Summary
Keep the Hope Alive
If you desire marriage, do not lose hope. There are enough good men in the world, and God is more than capable of bringing the right person into your life. Pray for the men around you; trust in God’s timing; and commit to allowing the Holy Spirit to mature your character. Your marriage can be a profound blessing to the world when both of you are completely surrendered to building God’s kingdom together.
To recap,
Here are 8 Tips for the Highly Educated, Career-Oriented Woman:
- Find your identity in Christ, not in your career.
- Bring joy and peace to those around you.
- Embrace healthy submission.
- Become a cheerleader.
- Be teachable.
- Keep your accomplishments humble.
- Enjoy serving others.
- Learn to understand men.
Thanks for stopping by!
#madeforlove
With love & laughter,
Kimberly Garth
Other Helpful Resources:
When Your Strong Personality is Hindering Love
Career women and the challenge of finding love
So God Said That I’ll Be Your Wife? Oh really?…6 Tests to Know If He’s the One
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Recommended Books:
“The Fascinating Girl” by Helen Andelin
“The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” by Erin Meyer
