I first heard about this “friend zone” concept from my husband. Apparently, if a person is placed in the “friend zone”, he/she is no longer considered as a potential spouse. Any romantic interest disappears!

To be honest, my closest friends have always been women, although I do have a few Christian male friends whose friendships I cherish. Far too frequently, I have witnessed women who have had serious crushes on their very close male friends, but their male friends married other women. These women’s hearts were broken.

So how do you prevent yourself from being placed and stuck in the friend zone?

Here are 7 tips to stay out of the “friend zone”:

1) Embrace and maintain your femininity in the following ways:

1. Look your best whenever you are around him.Christian or not, a single man wants to be with a “pretty” feminine lady. The visual component is huge for a man.
2. Be ladylike in the way you walk, talk, and sit. When your male friend thinks about you, he should not think of you as one of the boys.
3. Show him your soft side which includes crying when you feel like crying.
4. Smell clean and use a feminine perfume (if you have no allergies). Invest in at least one good quality perfume.

2) Allow him to protect you.

A man wants to be your hero, so ask him for advice and his protection.

For instance, if he wants to walk you to your door because he wants to ensure that you reach home safely, please do not refuse. Furthermore, if he wants to pay for your meals from time to time, allow him the privilege.

3) Don’t always argue.

You need to choose your battles carefully. If you’re one of those women who must always set a man straight and always win an argument, you need to take a different route if you plan to marry and/or have a successful happy marriage.

4) Do not behave like a man toward him.

If you want to keep out of the “friend zone”, keep at the forefront of your mind that you’re a woman and he’s a man. Accentuate the differences. If you behave like one of his “partners”, he will subconsciously place you in the friend zone.

For example, refrain from slapping him on the back; giving him a bounce; or giving him a hi-five.

5) Do not be available for him 24/7/365.

Don’t operate like if you’re his wife. Have a life of your own separate and apart from him. Let him miss your company; long to hear your voice and yearn to see you. If he wants to see you every day, he’ll just have to marry you!

6) Be mysterious.

I personally don’t think that you should disclose “every single thing” about yourself to a man who is simply a friend. He doesn’t need to know about all your secrets, your mistakes in life; your past relationship problems; and all the struggles you are facing. Leave that for marriage. Hence, a man would prefer to go with a “new” woman who has entered his life because her mysteriousness is enticing.

(Before marriage, you need to share pertinent information in a committed romantic relationship to aid in your decision to marry or not to marry).

7) Be vulnerable.

As modern educated and spiritually-strong women, we don’t want to appear weak to the opposite sex. But that’s a big mistake. He must know that you do not have it altogether. It shows that:

1. You’re human;
2. You’re his equal because you both have weaknesses. Most men are well acquainted with their own flaws. He doesn’t want a woman who thinks that she’s better than him nor does he want to feel that he’s inferior to her.

But remember point 6 … please do not share everything about you. Mystery is still important!

Summary

It is great to have male friends, but I would seriously reconsider being best friends or very close friends with guys with whom there is no relationship leading to marriage. Reserve your deep sharing for your female friends, biological brothers, an official committed relationship and your spouse. It may prevent the unfortunate situation of being placed in the friend zone by a fantastic man who you love romantically. On the other hand, it will also ensure that you don’t place a potential future spouse into the friend zone.

Have you ever been placed in the friend zone by a man you love? What would you do differently? Please comment below and share your story.

To recap,

Here are 7 tips to stay out of the “friend zone”:

1. Embrace and maintain your femininity.
2. Allow him to protect you.
3. Don’t always argue.
4. Do not behave like a man toward him.
5. Do not be available for him 24/7/365.
6. Be mysterious.
7. Be vulnerable.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

“Situationship” or Relationship … 5 Reasons It Should be Clear 

6 Practical Tweaks to Get A Man’s Attention

5 Qualities that Attract a Man to a Woman

Recommended Books:

Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot 

Choosing God’s Best: Wisdom for Lifelong Romance by Dr. Don Raunikar

Givers, Takers And Other Kinds of Lovers by Josh McDowell 

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

The post How to Stay Out of the “Friend Zone” appeared first on Petals Bloom.

Nobody can help you grow as much as your spouse. -Duane Weekes

Here are 10 lessons from two years of marriage:

1. Like and enjoy your husband.

After the wedding excitement wears off, you need to like and enjoy the man you have agreed to marry. So choose a man you get along with. Physical attraction, sexual appeal, academic qualifications, popularity and wealth will not be enough. The pandemic and the lock down restrictions really tested the foundation of many marriages. My husband and I shared a lot of good laughs and enjoyed each other’s company during our first two years.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #1: I’m glad my husband and I are friends.

2. Practice self-care.

It is easy for a woman to sacrifice for her family and that is to be expected. There’s no sin in sacrifice. However, you need to make a conscious effort to practice self-care like resting; enjoying a hobby; treating yourself to a gift (even an inexpensive gift like your favourite snack); and engaging in activities that refresh you. In my desire to be the perfect wife and to “spoil” my husband, I over-exerted myself at times and my husband didn’t understand why I placed so much pressure on myself.

Remember, you are only a human being … with limits. Also, you will incorrectly train your husband (and children) to expect you to operate with super-human qualities. When they don’t reciprocate, you can become bitter and resentful. Besides, your husband may prefer a dusty house and an available wife than a perfectly organised house and an always-too-busy wife.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #2: Make a better effort to take care of myself.

3. Be a prayer warrior.

There will be attacks on you, your spouse and your union. As such, even before you get married, learn to pray and build your faith in God. As a matter of fact, you need to become an intercessor and a prayer warrior.

Since I have been married, I make it a point to pray for my husband every day. I probably missed a few days, but with the help of God, I have been generally consistent.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #3: Continue to pray without ceasing.

4. Learn to take care of a home.

If you wait until you are married to take care of a home, you will be super stressed out because of all the major transitions that accompany a marriage. Start managing a home from now!

Here are some suggestions:

• Learn to cook in order to have healthy meals prepared for your daily consumption;
• Clean an entire house regularly;
• Wash your own clothes;
• Do grocery shopping; and
• Manage your finances.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #4: It’s a good thing my mother taught me how to manage a home and living on my own helped tremendously!

5. Make your relationship with God a priority.

Your most important relationship, before and after marriage, is your relationship with God. Spending time with God, as a way of life, will keep your mind sound; give you wisdom to deal with unchartered rocky circumstances; keep your hope alive; convict you of your poor attitudes and incorrect mindsets; give you a different perspective on issues; and help you to be gracious and forgiving. Having a regular time with God, accompanied with obedience, is a key ingredient to a stable thriving marriage.

I remember a few times when I would be upset and when I began to spend time with God, His Word convicts me and the Holy Spirit softens my heart toward my husband. Undoubtedly, God changes me from within. Don’t allow your heart to become hard toward your husband. Allow the Word to penetrate deep inside your heart and determine to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #5: My relationship with Jesus makes my marriage stronger and sweeter.

6. Have friends who are for you and your husband.

When you marry, you may have your close friends and he may have his close friends. However, the friends who you want close to you are those friends who mature enough to be for BOTH you and your husband. You don’t need friends who will only be loyal to you. They must be your marriage.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #6: I’m super grateful and thrilled that I have praying friends full of God’s wisdom!

7. Cultivate good relationship between the two families.

It is a great blessing when there are good relationships among you, your husband, your parents and his parents. This has been one of the greatest blessings in my marriage. Think soberly and move with extreme caution if your parents dislike your future husband or his parents disapprove of you. You are entering each other’s families and that is a big deal!

Also, be careful about bad-mouthing your spouse with your parents. It may back-fire. However, if you are being abused, you should speak out.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #7: I am beyond blessed that my in-laws love me and my parents love my husband.

8. Be aware of your bad attitudes and seek growth.

The attitudes, good and not so good before marriage, will become more pronounced after marriage. This same principle applies to your future husband’s attitudes. Our bad behaviour do not disappear on the wedding day. In fact, they become even more apparent after marriage.

Although you, nor him, will become perfect before marriage, you should always embrace a perspective of continual growth. Reject the notion, “This is how I am and this is how I will always be.” Remember, as a follower of Jesus Christ, your goal is to become more and more like Jesus and not to remain in your carnal state.

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. Romans 8:29 ESV

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #8: Marriage showed up lots of my flaws, but I’m grateful that we are patient with one another and we are both seeking to continually grow.

9. Invest in your marriage.

Surround yourself with godly couples and always invest in your marriage intentionally and continually. Be a part of couples’ prayer groups, marriage enrichment classes, marriage conferences, read good books, etc. Don’t wait for marital problems to arise and then seek counsel (which you should, of course!). But, as the saying goes, “Prevention is better than cure.”

Here are some suggestions:

• Read books to give cultivate the right mindset for a good marriage.
• Attend pre-engagement counselling.
• Have pre-marital counselling.
• Attend marriage conferences. I have attend about 3 Family Life’s Weekend to Remember conferences.
• Married couples’ classes.
• Married couples’ prayer group.
• Have a mentoring couple (as least one) that you both trust.
• Attend marriage enrichment seminars.

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #9: Well, it’s always comforting to know that there are other couples who have the same challenges and to not only be aware of them, but to get the help we need to have a better marriage.

10. Learn to love the people presently in your life.

Your close relationships, prior to marriage, prepare you for marriage. Learn to love well the people already in your life while you are single. God has placed people in your life like parents/guardians, siblings, grandparents, female friends and male friends.

Here are some questions to consider:

• Do you give up on relationships when they become difficult?
• Are you forgiving?
• Do you help with chores?
• Do people give up on you because you’re too difficult to deal with?

Lessons from 2 years of marriage #10: Being single for a long time and working through relationships with my family and friends provided me with relationships skills for my marriage.

Summary

As a woman who got married later in life, I can safely say that the choices you make when you are single will affect the choice of a mate and how you navigate married life. To all the single Christian ladies reading this article, I hope you find these lessons from 2 years of marriage are not only insightful, but also instructive.

What preparations for marriage are you currently making? What changes in your mindset are needed now?

Whether you plan to marry or not, it will be beneficial to you to make some tweaks in your current lifestyle so that you can handle the transition into marriage like a champ!

To recap, here are 10 lessons from my first two years of marriage:

1. Like and enjoy your husband.
2. Practice self-care.
3. Be a prayer warrior.
4. Learn to take care of a home.
5. Make your relationship with God a priority.
6. Have friends who are for you and your husband.
7. Cultivate good relationships between the two families.
8. Be aware of your bad attitudes and seek growth.
9. Invest in your marriage.
10. Learn to love the people presently in your life.

Thanks for stopping by!

#madeforlove

With love & laughter,

Kimberly Garth

Other Helpful Resources:

How to transition from single to married without stress

How to Steadily Grow in Your Relationship With God

7 Ways A Close Female Friend Can Prepare You For Marriage

Recommended Books:

The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs

The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence

Recommended Reading Device (LOVE IT!):

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